Part Two
Pittsburgh – month 4
“Cynthia, there’s a Joanne Nielson here to see you.”
Cynthia looked at the intercom and thought for a moment. She didn’t know any Joanne Nielson, but unlike her missing boss, she didn’t refuse to see drop ins. You just never knew when what they had to say might be important. “Send her in Julie”
An older woman walked into Cynthia’s office. She looked uncomfortable, but she straightened her shoulders and said. “I don’t know if you are the one I should talk to. But my….” The woman hesitated. “I guess you could say boss, though I’ve always thought of him as like my own son. Not that I’d ever tell him that.” She paused, once again girding herself. “We are always very proper in the Taylor household. I know my place. I would never make Master Justin feel uncomfortable.”
“Sit down and tell me what’s bothering you.” Cynthia’s interest had been piqued by the name Taylor and Justin.
“There was a detective, he said he was investigating Brian Kinney’s disappearance and that maybe my Justin, maybe he was somehow part of it.” She shuddered as if holding back tears. “The thing is, my Justin, I mean Master Justin is missing too and nobody seems to care, well, your detective cared. He is a very nice man, so kind.”
“I do think that Justin Taylor and Brian could be missing together.” Cynthia began choosing her words carefully. “I know the papers suggested that Justin might have wanted to be by himself and maybe has gone off somewhere to paint.”
“Oh, Justin would never just disappear. He’s a very thoughtful young man. He always has been. He would have told me that he was going. He certainly disappeared often from the everyday hustle and bustle. But really he wasn’t actually unreachable. I always knew where he was and he would often take me with him. His home in British Columbia is lovely. I’ve even brought my grandson there occasionally.” Tears started to flow. “That’s why I just know that something is wrong. It must be that damn Eric. I told Justin not to hire him. He had shifty eyes. You can always tell when someone is up to no good. And that man was definitely up to no good.”
“Can you tell me what you know about this Eric? Where he’s from? Who he used to hang out with?” Cynthia asked. Whatever information she received from this woman, she knew that it could help. If the PI that she hired didn’t come up with something, maybe Cynthia could do a little research of her own. There was no doubt in her mind that Mr. Taylor’s and Brian’s disappearances were connected.
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Justin leaned against the headboard, with his makeshift drawing pad resting against his legs. “Are you drawing me again?”
“Maybe,” Justin said with a smile. “You’re a good subject. Plus you’re the only damn thing in this place worth sketching.” Justin placed the pad down beside him and took a deep breath. “I wonder what will happen when we get out of here. Will we even remember each other?”
“Why the hell wouldn’t we?” Brian asked as he moved to sit down beside Justin. “Somehow I don’t think that it would be possible to forget this place.”
Justin turned slightly so he could rest against Brian’s chest. Leaning back against the smooth body, Justin let out a sigh of content. “I’ve heard stories, I guess. Some men go missing for a year or so, then they suddenly reappear. They don’t know where they were, what they were doing. I just don’t think I could handle it if I forgot about you. The rest of this…”
Brian wrapped his arms around Justin, pulling the younger man closer against him and rested his head on Justin’s shoulder. “That won’t happen. We’ll get out of here, and we’ll get these fuckers. Don’t worry too much.”
“Is anyone even looking for us… well you anyway?” Justin felt Brian’s grasp on him tighten, and he shook off the thoughts of who is not around for him any longer. “I’m just beginning to wonder if we’ll ever get out of here, you know?” Justin turned around, and sat Indian style, so he could face Brian. He knew that he was beginning to melt into Brian, and he knew how dangerous it was for them. “What about you? Who is looking for the great Stud?” Justin asked with a smile. “I’m sure you have a ton of people who are missing you.”
“Yeah, like all of Liberty Avenue.” Brian joked. Turning serious, Brian tried to think of who might be looking for him, and their reasons behind it. “I’m sure that my best-friend Mikey is worried. Hell he worries when if I don’t call him for a day. Deb, his mother, most likely. If she doesn’t get her dose of ‘motherly-love’ in she gets cranky. Linds most definitely, and my co-worker, Cynthia.”
“I’m glad that you have people who care about you. You’re a good man, Brian Kinney.” Justin smiled, as he moved closer to Brian. “Can I say how much I really hate this?”
“I know.” Brian stated as he began to feel his body respond to the closeness of Justin. He felt his cock begin to swell as he watched Justin’s eyes darken with obvious lust, and love. Reaching across, Brian began to run his fingers through Justin’s long, blond locks. “Come here.” Brian’s quiet, soft voice came across the short distance.
Justin moved closer to Brian, allowing Brian to pull him down on top of him as their lips connected. As their tongues dueled, their hands began to roam across each other’s flesh, memorizing each contour. Brian felt Justin’s lips leave his as the blond began to move across his cheek and down his throat. Closing his eyes, he let the feel of Justin’s hot mouth and tongue moving down his chest take over. “Justin.” Brian’s moan broke the silence as Justin wrapped his lips around the tip of Brian’s thick cock. “Christ.”
Justin ran his tongue, lightly flicking his tongue across Brian’s pisshole. With one hand lightly caressing Brian’s chest, he moved the other one to cup Brian’s balls. He wanted to taste Brian so badly that he thought he would die if he didn’t do it now. The months of no touching, of not tasting was beginning to take its toll on the two men, and Justin knew that as long as they didn’t cross that line, they were okay. They both needed this, and to hell with what their captives wanted, or what they thought. He needed Brian, he wanted to show this beautiful man what he was starting to mean to him.
Brian’s hands moved to rest on the sides of Justin’s head, not to guide, but for his own sanity. The moment Justin’s lips had touched his neglected member, Brian knew that he was lost. They could give each other this, they needed it. He wanted to give Justin this, above all else. “Fuck!” Brian cried out as he felt the tip of his cock touch the back of Justin’s throat. Time after time, Brian allowed the feel of the hot mouth work it’s magic as he felt his balls start to rise. Although Brian didn’t want the feeling to end, he knew he wouldn’t last much longer. Closing his eyes tighter, he allowed himself the release that a simple hand job in the shower could never give him.
Justin tasted all that Brian had to give him, feeling himself let go against the bed. Allowing Brian’s dick slip from his mouth, Justin laid his head against the inside of Brian’s leg. “Fuck me.” Justin whispered as he tried to calm his breathing. Glancing up at his lover, Justin smiled at the sight. Seeing Brian with his eyes closed, mouth open, and his hands running over his face, caused Justin’s heart to skip a beat in his chest. He knew that he would have a lot of material now to draw during his watch.
Brian opened his eyes and reached down to Justin, pulling the other man up toward him. “That was amazing.”
“I aim to please.” Justin smiled as he leaned in to kiss Brian, allowing him to taste his own essence on Justin’s lips. “At least we can have this.”
Brian ran his finger across Justin’s lower lip, as his eyes roamed across Justin’s face. “And one day we’ll have more… when we get out of here.”
Justin laughed as he rested his head on Brian’s chest. “Guess that just gives us more reason to get the hell out of here.”
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Pittsburgh –
“Michael, I think you should talk to Cynthia again. She has to understand that we’re Brian’s family. We need to know where he is.” Debbie had sat down with her son at the diner’s counter.
“Ma, I told you Cynthia is like some kind of a guard dog. There’s no way she’ll tell me anything. She wouldn’t even give me a key to Brian’s place and you know I’ve always had a key.”
“I know honey, but Brian will fix that when he gets home.” Debbie patted her son’s hand. She was actually happy that Cynthia hadn’t given Michael a key. It was time her son stopped relying on Brian and Brian’s money.
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“Did you take Gus to the doctor?” Melanie asked while she shrugged off her jacket. Her clothes were becoming more and more uncomfortable the further along she got with this pregnancy.
“Yes, he said that we were wrong to take Brian’s pictures away from Gus. And that if we give them back to him he will probably stop wetting the bed.”
“What the fuck has Brian’s pictures got to do with it?”
“He said that with the new baby coming, Gus is already feeling out of sorts. He hasn’t seen his father for a while and he is attached to the album we gave him with Brian’s pictures in it. He feels safe and secure with his father’s pictures. I know, I know it isn’t what you want to hear, but that’s the doctor’s opinion.”
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“Hey Stud, have you ever thought about having kids?” Justin asked as he and Brian lounged against the headrest, their new favorite position to relax in. Justin tried not to smile as he thinks about how far they had come from the day they had met. Brian hadn’t even wanted to share the same bed with him, and now they couldn’t go a minute without some skin touching. Justin knew he was in trouble. He had fallen hard for the man next to him, and he didn’t want it to ever end.
“I have one, actually. Lindsay wanted a kid, so I figured what the hell.” Brian told Justin, as he let his hands glide across the fair skin beneath his fingers. Brian couldn’t get enough of Justin. The feel, the looks, the taste, Justin’s very being consumed Brian. And instead of wanting to run away, Brian was finding himself wanting to run toward it… let it consume him completely. Feeling Justin’s confused look out of the corner of his eye, Brian tried not to laugh. “No… I didn’t fuck her. At least not to have Gus. I gave them a sample, and 9 months later… Gus appeared.”
“There are times I wish I had a kid. Someone who would love me unconditionally, you know.” Justin gave Brian a small smile, burrowing closer to Brian. “I guess, I never really had anyone before who depended on me, who needed me like that. I wonder if… IF the day ever came, if I would be any good.”
Brian tried not to roll his eyes too much, as he caught the laugh in his throat before it came out. “Justin, I’m almost one thousand percent certain that you would make a great father. No doubt about that in my mind.”
“Well, maybe. I would first need someone who would be willing to have my kid without wanting to get the ‘in’ on the estate. I guess, I just worry.” Justin told Brian about his fears. “Well that and I don’t want to become my parents, I guess. I don’t want to have a kid only to leave them with someone else… not really even knowing him or her.”
“I worry the same way about Gus. I guess that’s why I signed over my rights. I wasn’t sure that I could be a father, that I would even care.” Brian rested his head against Justin’s, allowing the younger man to ease the pain he felt about his past. “My parents were never really the ideal role models. Jack liked the booze a little too much, and the women. The Warden cared more about her damn bible than anything else. I was completely unplanned and wanted, and they didn’t hesitate to let me know about it every chance they got.”
Justin grabbed a hold of Brian’s hand, linking their fingers together. “If I had been there, I would have fought for you. You are wanted, I can tell. You have friends and a make-shift family who from everything I can gather care a great deal about you. Plus… I care about you.” Justin took a deep breath, lifting their linked hands up for him to examine. “Besides, I don’t think that your friend Lindsey would have asked you to be the father if she didn’t have faith in you, if she didn’t think you would make a good father.”
“Maybe,” Brian shrugged as he was memorized by Justin’s pale hand in his own. “I guess I’ve been thinking a lot about it lately. After that whole cancer thing… I don’t know. Something about facing death makes you reexamine your life.” Brian had told Justin long before they had even gotten physical about his little ‘problem’. He could still picture the look in Justin’s eyes. It wasn’t pity, just pure-unadulterated love, and admiration. Justin admired him if for nothing else than having survived… having come out on top of it all. “One day, you’ll find someone who will jump at the bit to help you have a child.”
Justin caught the sudden change of subject and smiled. He was catching on to Brian’s little hints, and his Stud’s nervousness at opening up. He understood it, hell he felt the same way. “You know, it’s easy to talk to you. To tell you things. I don’t think I’ve ever had that before.”
“I know what you mean.” Brian leaned over and turned Justin’s head toward his own to lightly place a kiss on the welcoming and intoxicating lips. “Do you think this is what love is all about?”
“I don’t know, but I want to find out.” Justin replied as he leaned in again to taste his lover’s lips once again. All Justin knew was the fact that he had never felt this way, had someone fill his soul this much. “If this is love, I don’t want it to stop.”
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“I think the thing I miss most about home, is the night sky.” Justin said with a smile. “It’s so dark, black… and I mean really black. And the stars just fill the sky. There’s not an inch of sky that doesn’t have stars in it.” Justin glanced over at Brian. Both men were laying on the bed, Brian on his back looking up at the ceiling, while Justin was on his stomach head resting on his hands. “I can say I never had a night even close to those while I was living in New York.”
Brian shook his head and gave a small laugh. “Something most likely having to deal with all of the damn lights from the buildings. Big cities, Sunshine. They have their good qualities and their bad.”
“A person doesn’t even have to lock their doors back home. Well not really. I guess I just miss the peacefulness of it all.” Justin fell onto his side so he could look at Brian. “What do you miss most about home?”
“Besides the good beer, and fine wine?” Brian asked Justin with a tongue-in-cheek expression. “I don’t know. Work, mostly. I wonder how it’s going without me there. I put my life into that place, and I don’t want to see it all go to waste now.”
Justin lightly pinched Brian’s side, giving him an evil look. “Come on… there has to be more to your life than just work! More that you miss. What about your friends? You seem to enjoy hanging out with them.”
Brian turned his gaze from Justin to once again stare up at the ceiling. “I do… they have their moments. But I guess, I was beginning to feel like a fifth wheel.” Catching the confused look coming from Justin out of the corner of his eye, Brian gave him a small shrug. “Everyone was in a relationship. Or whatever. They were all happy, with kids, it seemed like they had everything. Meanwhile, I was the one with the money… the looks, I could have anything I wanted. It just all seemed sort of shallow, like I was nothing.”
Justin moved to place his head on Brian’s chest. “I know what you mean. I feel it too.” Justin began to move his hand lightly across Brian’s chest, not sexual, but comforting. “It’s like you have all this money, all these people who want to be around you. But yet… it’s nothing. Money can’t buy you love… lust, and a good time yeah, but not love. And all those people who want to be around you… they don’t care about you, not really. They want what you can give them, what you can do for them. Not caring if you’re dying inside.”
“Christ, you make it sound like all anyone wants is money. Don’t you believe that there is something more?” Brian asked honestly curious. He knew he had always said that he didn’t do love, and that it wasn’t something for a gay man, but since meeting Justin he knew he had to re-evaluate some beliefs in his life.
“I believe in you, and what I feel for you. I just hope that I don’t screw it up.” Justin nervously told Brian.
“I guess we’ll both be learning, Sunshine.”
“Of course once we figure out the whole who’s top situation, I guess we’d be alright.” Justin laughed, trying to break the sudden seriousness of the conversation.
Brian just shrugged and rolled over on top of Justin. “Who says that we can’t be versatile?”
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Cynthia slide into the booth, and picked up the menu. It had been three weeks since she had heard from her investigator, when he had called out of the blue wanting a meeting. Immediately she got in contact with Joanne, telling her about the meeting. She hadn’t told anyone else, not that anyone else needed to know.
Ted was the only other person who knew about Brian’s disappearance, and he was sworn to secrecy, threatened with serious bodily harm if he spoke a word of it to the extended ‘family’. Ted had been a great help, and Cynthia was grateful that she had at least ONE ally in this whole mess. Well three now, she realized. She didn’t feel so alone now.
“Ms. Morgan… I mean, Cynthia.” Joanne stated as she moved in beside her new friend. “You told me that it was urgent. Is there news on Just.. Mr. Taylor?”
Cynthia tried not to smile at her friend. She knew that what Joanne felt for Justin was a love that only a mother could have for a child. And although Justin was not her natural son, she felt as strongly for him as she would have if he had come from her womb. It was a trait that Cynthia admired, even is she couldn’t relate. Placing her hand on top of the older woman’s Cynthia gave it a small squeeze. “Looks like we’re about to find out together.”
“Ms. Morgan… and Ms. Nielson, I wasn’t expecting to see you here.” The old detective stated as he sat down across from the women.
“Can I take your order?” The waitress asked the three, notepad in hand.
“Just coffee for right now, please.” Cynthia answered, as the other two said the same. Once the young waitress was gone, Cynthia turned back to the man hoping that he had something for her. “Well?”
John pulled a folder out of briefcase and set it down in front him. “I found that Eric guy. He seems to have gotten a case of amnesia. Our guess is he too was brainwashed. Found him in a local hospital down in Palm Beach.”
“Fuck!” Cynthia cursed. That was the last lead they had. “So what now?”
“Not to worry. We did find some items that he had left in his hotel room… receipts and stuff, letters… we’re having them analysed and checked out.” John answered, not wanting to completely have them give up, but he also didn’t want to get their hopes up either. “I’m not saying that it will lead us to where the boys are, but… right now it’s the only leads we have.”
“Do you think we will find them? That we can bring them home?” Joanne asked, speaking for the first time since John had arrived.
Cynthia once again squeezed the woman’s hand, never once letting go of it during the whole conversation. “If there’s any leads, then there’s always hope.” She told the woman. It was something they all had to believe in. One day they would get the people they cared about back. She only hoped it wasn’t too much longer.
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“Listen, I can’t tell you where Brian is right now. All I can tell you is that when he gets back in town I will tell him you called, and then it will be up to him when he contacts you…. I’m sorry Michael, but that’s the way it is… I know that we’re friends, and I know that Brian is your friend, but he’s also my boss, and I sort of like my job here… no, Michael, you know I can’t do that… If Cynthia said that you can’t get into the loft, then that’s the way it is. She is the one that talks to Brian and knows what his wishes are…. I can’t do that…No…. Michael, Brian isn’t ditching Gus, you know he loves that kid….That’s not fair… no….” Ted saw Cynthia come into the office, and rolled his eyes. Covering the mouth piece he looked to the woman for help. “Is he always like this when he calls?”
“Normally, he’s worse. Telling me I’m satin incarnated, or something. Ohhh, and let’s not forget my favorite ‘I’m Brian’s bestest best friend, and I know him better than you… he would WANT me to….’ End quote. Give me the damn phone.” Cynthia rolled her eyes as Ted gladly handed the offensive item over.
“Mr. Novotony… Yes, it’s the bitch again, I would appreciate it if you didn’t call and harass the employees… No Ted is an employee and he knows that if he wants to keep his job that what goes on in this building stays in this building.” Cynthia calmly informed Michael.
“Look here, Brian hasn’t called, he hasn’t been at any of the hangouts. I need to know where he is, right this damn minute.” Michael whined into the phone.
Cynthia sat down on the edge of Ted’s desk and took a deep breath. She would NEVER figure out why in the world Ted and Brian put up with this man. “Mr. Novotony, and I use that term loosely. Mr. Kinney is out of town right now, and that’s all you need to know.” Before Michael could interrupt, Cynthia picked up a small piece of paper and wrote a quick note to Ted. Seeing Ted’s shrug and laugh, she shook her head. “Now… if there is something that you need, you can tell me and I will gladly pass the word on to Mr. Kinney when he checks in. Until that moment, however, you will just have to sit and wait. He will contact you, when he is damn good and ready. Not a moment before. And as for Ms. Peterson… that is something that her and her PARTNER need to take up with my boss. So I suggest that you just stop calling every ten fucking minutes and have your own life!” Cynthia hung up the phone and walked to her office.
Ted glanced down at the question that Cynthia had addressed to him, wondering not for the first time, why he even bothered. The note was simple… ‘why are you friends with him? You’re smarter than that.’
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Ted moved across Woodys picking up the pool cue, just wanting to get away from his friend’s constant questions. He knew in a way why they were questioning him, but he also knew WHY they were questioning him. It wasn’t that they were worried about Brian… well they were, but not as much as they wanted something that Brian always gave them. Attention, unconditional support, money, amongst other things. After taking his shot, Ted turned his attention to the group of people starring at him. “What?”
“Where the hell is Brian?” Michael asked, setting his beer down on the counter with a loud thud.
“Honey… we know you work for him, but even this is a little extreme for Brian. Look at what it’s doing to Mel and Lindsey. You have to see that?” Emmett stated, knowing how hard this was on his best friend. “Normally I wouldn’t ask, but Teddy, you know that we need to know… hear from him… something.”
Ted knew that Emmett’s worry was sincere. He was the only one of the crew who seemed to care that Brian wasn’t around. And not for the same reasons as everyone else. Yes, Emmett often only went to Brian when he wanted something, but both he and Em knew how helpful Brian was when they had crashed and burned as a couple. “And normally I would tell you, but I am under strict orders not to. Brian wants to be left alone right now. When he is ready he will be in touch. That’s all I can say.”
“He’s neglecting Gus, he’s neglecting work… he’s neglecting….” Michael began, letting his sentence die. “He evidentially doesn’t give a damn about any of us. Especially Lindsey and Gus. And he said he wanted to be a part of Gus’ life.”
Ted set his cue down and walked over to stand in front of Michael. “What you’re upset about is that he’s neglecting you? Is that what this shit is about? Cynthia changed the locks, by order of Brian, and you’re upset that you can’t steal from him?”
“It’s not stealing, Brian knows I return his stuff. It’s not like he’s using the shit now anyway.” Michael said in his defense.
“Right… you constantly ‘borrow’ from him. And never once does he complain. You’re upset that you are not number ONE right now… that for once, Brian’s number one is himself… not you.” Ted shook his head and downed the rest of his drink. “He’s not neglecting Gus. Linds and Mel get a check every month, I know… I issue them. He’s not neglecting work… we’re making the same if not more money now. Brian doesn’t have to be sitting behind his desk all the damn time. He trusts the people he works with to do what they have to do… what we have been doing for the past 6 years. All of his bills are paid every month as well… yet another thing I make sure gets issued. So the only one that is being neglected as you put it… is you.”
Ted shook his head and turned to leave. “Michael, I would seriously think about where your place is in Brian’s life… and I’m not talking about your fucked up version of it. Brian needs to have a life of his own, however he decides to make of it. You have Ben and Hunter… You have a family. Don’t make your problems Brian’s.” Giving Emmett a small kiss on the cheek, Ted left. It would be a while before he bothered to hang out with them. Cynthia was right… why was he friends with them?
Pulling his cellphone out of his pocket he dialed a number and waited for the person to pick up. “Tell me what I can do to help. I still have connections from my… well from a while ago. It might help. I want to help.”
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Justin leaned back against the shower stall, his hands reaching out to try and grab a hold of anything. In the back of his mind he wondered briefly if Brian would catch him when he inevitably collapsed, but knowing that the other man would without a doubt.
“Oh god, Brian.” Justin moaned as he felt the warmth of Brian’s mouth around his cock, and the man’s fingers slipping in and out of his aching hole. He had never been turned on before by someone finger-fucking him… never like this anyway. Justin couldn’t believe the feelings that were coursing through his entire body. He felt like he was on fire, like he would soon combust with pure passion.
Justin tried to hold off as long as he could, tried to prolong the high he was on, but when he felt Brian lightly tap that special spot deep inside him, Justin lost all sense of reality. Lights flashed before his eyes, and his very breath stopped in his chest. There was nothing at all around him, only Brian as he gave in to his release.
Brian slowly worked his way back up Justin’s body, and plunged his tongue into the younger man’s mouth. He wanted Justin to know how good he tasted. Pulling back from the kiss, both men gave each other a small lopsided grin. “The water’s turned cold, and since we don’t have any clothes, I think it best if we get out.”
“Yeah... last thing we need is to catch a fucking cold.” Justin stepped out of the shower and took hold of the towel that Brian held out for him. “You know, you get me thinking that maybe being a bottom once in a while might not be a bad thing.” Justin smiled as he tossed the towel the floor and headed toward the kitchen.
Brian shook his head, as he ran the towel over his hair one last time. What he wouldn’t do to have something to throw on. Yes, he never minded being naked, and he didn’t care who saw him… but there were times when he started to feel too exposed for his liking. “What? Don’t tell me you have never bottomed before?” Brian asked as he came up behind Justin and wrapped his arms around the blond. “I mean I have even bottomed.”
Justin turned around in Brian’s arms, shock evident on his face. “What? The great Stud of Liberty Avenue a bottom. No, tell me it’s not true?” Justin laughed.
“Twat.” Brian moved away from Justin and began to pull some sandwich meat out of the fridge. “Once or twice yes. If you have an itch, might as well get it scratched is my thinking.”
Justin nodded in agreement as he moved beside Brian. “Once, and only once before. It’s not that I didn’t like it,” He was quick to add. “It was rather enjoyable. But I figured that I didn’t have any control over my life, and I needed the control. Allowing someone to have that much control over you… that much power over you… I couldn’t do it. I wanted to be the one in control, even if it was just with sex.”
“Boy do I understand that.” Brian mumbled as he pulled the plates out of the cupboard. “At least I know where we stand on the issue. We both like it…”
“Just not all the time.” Justin finished Brian’s thought. “Guess it works out perfectly for us then, huh?”
Brian shook his head as he took his plate toward the small kitchen table. “I can say one thing though. When I get back home… I am NOT going to be watched every second of the day. I can actually walk around the loft naked by choice and not because someone is forcing me.”
It was a rare topic between the two since their capture. What they felt about the whole situation. “Feeling exposed, like you have no life, no control.” Justin continued. “I can tell you that when we get out of here… I know that a couple of weeks in the mountains is a definite. Yea, I say that a person can get lonely here… but that’s not true. We’re never alone. Someone is always here with us… maybe multiple people. Wherever we go, they are watching. I just want to go home… sit in the sunroom, lay on the edge of the lake. No one watching what I’m doing.”
“That’s the worst part, isn’t it. Absolutely no privacy.” Brian reached across the table to place Justin’s hand in his own. “Not being able to do things, say things that you want cause someone is there. Never alone.”
Justin rubbed his finger across the back of Brian’s knuckles. “I’m not saying I want to be alone… well not completely. I want to be with you… and only you. Does that make any sense?”
Brian looked up from their hands to stare Justin in the face. “Perfect sense.”
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Cynthia moved into the booth across from Ted in a small café, just minutes after she received the call from him. “Okay… what can you do to help find Brian?” She asked. His request had not been something that the blonde would have ever thought she would hear come out of the accountant’s mouth.
Ted’s eyes were glued on the coffee cup in front of him, as he fiddled with the coaster. “Before I came to work with you guys, I went through a rough time. I started using drugs, Crystal – started to get active in the ‘scene’. I turned around… with Brian’s help, and got this job.”
“You don’t … use anymore though right?” Cynthia asked hearing this story for the first time. She had always wondered how Ted got the job since normally she was the one who saw everyone during their initial interview. Ted was someone she never saw until he was hired.
Ted shook his head. “No… God no. I have been clean ever since. I respect Brian too much… my job too much to fuck this up. Brian gave me another chance, and I don’t plan on fucking it up anytime soon.”
“Sooo, what you’re saying is that you know where they are at?”
“No, not directly. I do know some people still in the scene who might though. If I can get in… get back in contact with them I’m sure that I can get something.” Ted explained. He knew that going back into that scene was dangerous, and if he had even a year ago, he would have fallen back into it with both feet. Now… now he knew he couldn’t. Life was entirely too good for him right now, and he knew that Crystal wasn’t the answer. He had spent years learning how to handle problems when they came, to handle them with strength, and clarity, not in the depths of drugs and sex. He hadn’t had even a drop of alcohol since he had gotten out of rehab. “I want to help, and I know I can help. If you give me this chance, I can prove to you, to Brian that I’m not the same man I was back then.”
“And to yourself,” Cynthia stated. She knew how important it was for Ted to prove to himself that he was truly over it… that he could resist. She knew now that it was Brian’s faith in him that allowed the accountant to continue with life… without the assistance of drugs. Cynthia’s brother had experienced something similar when he stopped using years ago. She knew that this was important to Ted. It was something he needed to do not only for Brian, but for himself. “Okay… let’s get started.”
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Justin sat at the desk with his head resting on the top. He wasn’t feeling well, and it had been getting worse as the days went on. “Hey Stud, is there any aspirin in the bathroom? Not Tylenol, I’m allergic to that shit.”
Brian had been worried about Justin. He had seen the blond get sicker and sicker. He was beginning to think that the drugs that they were pumping them full of was reacting negatively to Justin’s system, but he had no proof. “I’ll check. Why don’t you lie on the bed and rest a while?” Brian asked as he moved toward the bathroom.
“I don’t think I have the energy.” Justin mumbled, groaning slightly at the pounding in his head. “The last time I felt like my head was ready to explode was after I got it smashed in. Fuck.” He silently cursed.
Brian walked out of the bathroom with two pills in his hand, grateful that their captives had them. “I don’t know if this is really aspirin or if it’s more of the shit they’ve been feeding us. And God knows I don’t dare give you any water.” Brian pulled Justin out of the chair and into his arms. “Let’s get you to bed, and we’ll try to figure out something, okay.” After placing Justin onto the bed, Brian crawled in behind him, wrapping his arms around the smaller man. “Do you want to try these?” Brian asked, his voice soft and light against Justin’s ear.
Justin closed his eyes and sought the comfort of Brian’s body against his. He knew that Brian had a point, that more than likely it was whatever drugs that they were feeding them. “I can honestly say that this is the first time that – besides Tylenol, I have had an adverse reaction to any drug. This shit sucks.” Feeling Brian’s hand lightly rub his stomach, Justin began to feel a little better. “Forget the aspirin or whateverthefuck it is. You’re right… it’s most likely just more drugs. I wonder if I just don’t eat or drink if it will go away. Well at least before I die of starvation, anyway.”
Brian’s grip on Justin tightened. “Don’t even joke about that, you hear me? Don’t even joke about that.” The last thing he wanted was Justin to leave him. Not now… not ever. Not when he was starting to feel something for the blond. Not when he was finally starting to know what love was like. “If we do it in moderation, and just a little at a time, then that should help.” Brian thought. He knew that Justin couldn’t do without food and water, yet he didn’t dare eat or drink anything because the drugs were killing him. It was a catch-22. You’re dammed if you do, and dammed if you don’t. If Justin continued to ingest the food, he could die… if he didn’t eat he would die. Brian knew that when they had their nightly or whatever visitor, he would most definitely have a talk with them. He would rather have sex with Justin raw if that’s what these fuckers wanted, than to watch him die. Pulling Justin down onto the bed with him, Brian placed a light kiss against Justin’s temple. “We’ll get through this, no matter what. I promise you that.”
“I love you, Brian.” Justin whispered as he closed his eyes and fell into a restless sleep Brian’s promise filling his heart and his mind.
Brian carefully slipped out of Justin’s hold and stood as the door opened. “Hey,” he called out to the man delivering the food. The men had never talked to them, never even acknowledge them, but Brian was determined that this time they would listen. “Hey!” Reaching the man, Brian grabbed a hold of his lapels, and got right in his face. “Tell your boss, that if he doesn’t stop with the drugs for a while, then Justin dies.” He hissed into the man’s face. “Justin is reacting badly to the drugs, and unless he wants a death on his hands, I would like to suggest that he cut it back. We’ll do what he wants. If he wants us to fuck, we’ll fuck. Raw, if need be. But in order to do that, I need Justin one hundred percent. You tell him that. We’ll play his little sick game, whatever it takes.”
With that Brian let go of the man and shoved him out of the room. He heard the door lock behind him and Brian could only hope that his prayer was heard. He knew he should have discussed it with Justin before making a deal with their captors, but if they didn’t, then Justin was dead. If Justin dies, then Brian knew he would be right behind him. He had to keep Justin alive, even if it meant going against everything he believed in. He had a feeling that it would be okay, that they were safe, but the uncertainty was there. And what would happen to them once they left this place? Could they ever go back? Could they go without the feeling of being that connected to someone?
Brian wasn’t sure, and at the moment he didn’t care what the future held. All he cared about was getting Justin better. They would deal with the rest later. That is if Justin ever forgave him for this.
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Bellwether didn’t need to be told of Brian’s theatrics. After all he had the apartment the two men were living in wired for sound as well as video. Even he, as heartless as he was, knew that the investment in Justin Taylor would be lost if he died on him. If it wasn’t for the thought of lost revenue, he’d let the asshole die. Justin Taylor had been nothing but trouble right from the beginning.
“Cut back on the drug.” Bellwether proclaimed to Sap when the man slunk in his office door. “You can make sure that the two of them know I expect some action soon. None of this I’m too sick to fuck crap. And cut out the lovey dovey shit. Do they think they’re fucking lesbians?” he sighed. “I don’t have any of this trouble with the others.”
“Should we have the doctor look at Taylor?” Saperstein knew the answer he’d get but he had to ask. Taylor wasn’t looking that good, but Bellwether was a cheap son of a bitch.
“No.” Bellwether turned to his computer screen. He was writing another book and didn’t like to be interrupted by these every day housekeeping details.
Saperstein turned and left the room. He hated what Bellwether was doing to Kinney and Taylor. Kinney had always been square with him even if they didn’t see eye to eye on things. The idea of kidnapping him had been a spur of the moment one. And then once Bellwether’s goons started to follow Kinney things got out of hand. He’d never intended that Brian be one of the long term captives. Taking a chance, Sap slipped two fat joints into the basket of food and drink that was going to be placed inside the apartment later. Maybe if they smoked them, they’d mellow out and fuck. It wasn’t like it was any big deal fucking raw. Kinney was too damn cautious for his own good. Naturally the two of them had been thoroughly screened for disease when they were brought in. Both of them were negative though Kinney’s blood was still slightly off. Probably from when he’d been doing Chemo, cancer was a son of a bitch.
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“Justin, how are you feeling?” Brian had his arms wrapped around the blond doing his best to keep the other man warm. He could feel the fever raging. The heat from Justin’s body was making him uncomfortably hot, but he wouldn’t let go. Justin needed him.
“Kay.” Justin muttered, his eyes fluttered open and then shut again. “Brian, will you think about me once in a while if I die?” Justin’s voice was shallow and he didn’t wait for an answer before he lost consciousness again.
“You aren’t going to die.” Brian tried not to let his fear show in his voice. He looked up at the ceiling. “YOU MISERABLE SONS OF BITCHES, IF HE DIES YOU’D BETTER FUCKING KILL ME BEFORE I GET TO YOU. BECAUSE AS LONG AS THERE IS A BREATH IN MY BODY, I’LL HUNT YOU DOWN.” The words seemed to echo through the small rooms. “Please Justin don’t die, fight baby, please fight it. I’ll be with you, I’ll help you.” Brian felt his face wet with tears. He vowed then and there to get the bastards who had done this to Justin. He didn’t give a shit about himself, as long as Justin was okay, that’s all that mattered.
One of the goons walked through the door. He placed the food basket on the kitchen table. Brian glared at him. He knew he’d been heard. When the man had gone, Brian eased Justin out of his embrace and walked over to see what they had brought. There was a bottle of aspirin, still sealed in its store packaging. Two bottles of pedialyte were in the basket as well as a note.
Aspirin will help lower his fever, give him the pedialyte to regain some of the electrolytes in his system. The joints are for after.
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Brian carefully eased Justin to a sitting position on the bed. He hated that he woke his lover, but he wanted to get Justin better. Seeing Justin sick caused Brian’s very soul to cry out. “Take these,” Brian stated as he placed two tablets into Justin’s hand.
“No..” Justin moaned as he placed his head on Brian’s shoulder. “Drugs.”
“It’s safe, baby. I broke the safety seal myself. It’s not more drugs.” Brian explained as he helped Justin place the pills in his mouth. “And drink,” he added as he lifted up a small glass of the pedialyte up to Justin’s lips.
“It’s not drugged? How?” Justin asked as he handed the glass back to Brian, once again becoming comfortable with his head on Brian’s chest. The room was spinning, and he was cold. What Justin wanted more than anything was a nice thick blanket and his cat. He figured he would definitely make do with Brian, Brian was better than a blanket and his cat any day.
“I’ll tell you about it later, okay? For now, just rest. You need your sleep, if you’re going to get better. And when you wake up, we’ll try to see if we can get some food in your stomach, okay?” Brian didn’t know the first thing about taking care of someone while they were sick… he himself was hardly sick. He just remembered what the doctors told him to do after his chemo treatments, and he hoped that they would work for Justin as well. Brian felt Justin’s breathing start to even out, despite being slightly labored, and he pulled the young man closer to his body. Wrapping the blanket around them, Brian stole a glance at the camera pointing directly at them. If they tried to come and take the blanket away he would break their hands. Justin needed it at the moment, and Brian could care less about what ‘they’ wanted. “Get your damn eye-candy somewhere else.”
He knew that they would want him to fulfill his promise, and Brian knew that he would. If it meant that Justin was safe, then he would do anything to keep it that way. He wouldn’t however do anything without Justin being a hundred percent. He won’t do anything without Justin’s approval.
Brian thought about his deal with their captors. He knew that he was safe, at least he was the last time he had gotten tested. And they had told him that with the radiation that they had given him he ‘shouldn’t’ have to worry about it, but Brian was. Who knew what the effects would be. Could he harm Justin, poison him in affect? That was something that Brian didn’t want to happen.
And what about Justin? He had in essence made a decision that was THEIRS to make. He should have given Justin the change to make that choice himself… not take it out of his hands. Brian wasn’t sure what the blond would think of it, he only hoped that Justin would forgive him one day.
The only thing Brian knew was that he had to do it. He had to make the deal to keep Justin alive. Without Justin, Brian knew he would not make it. He would let them kill him, let them do with him whatever they wanted before he ripped them to shreds. He would still make them all pay… but if Justin got better, they would have a slight reprieve. He would wait until they least suspected.
He would have to be careful… both him and Justin. Plans would have to be whispered in each other’s ears. He couldn’t let their enemies know a thing.
The other thing was, how they would do things about their feelings? Brian didn’t want ‘them’ to know how he truly felt about Justin… or how he was growing each day to feel about Justin. It wasn’t their business. That was between him and Justin alone. Some things would just have to wait.
And Brian would wait. Wait until Justin was better… wait until they were safely out of this place. Then Brian would get his revenge, and Justin would get the words that Brian is wanting to tell him.
Now all he had to do was help Justin get better so they could talk. Get the younger man well enough so they could discuss what they had to do.
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Justin felt himself drifting above the bed. He wondered why it was happening. He looked down and could see Brian holding him. Brian was crying. “Don’t cry” he whispered, but Brian didn’t hear him. “Brian, it’s okay, I don’t feel like shit anymore.” Brian picked him up and carried him into the bathroom. He had the bathtub full of cool water. “Shit Brian, are you going to drown me?” Justin asked.
He watched Brian lower his body into the tub along with Justin’s. Justin could feel cool water on his skin, the fires that had been burning inside began to settle down and the blond knew that he was going to stay with the man he loved. His soul floated back to his body, joining together with a jolt. He could feel Brian’s arms tighten, holding him close. Justin took a shuddering breath and then began to breathe steadily and calmly. His head still hurt, but it wasn’t as bad.
Justin turned to look at Brian and was surprised when the man began to sob and hold him close. “Brian, Brian, it’s okay, I’m okay. Whatever you did helped.”
“I thought you were dead, I thought I’d lost you. For the first time in my life I’ve felt loved by somebody and I thought you were gone.” The words were jumbled and hard to understand. Brian felt like a fool for crying, but he couldn’t seem to stop, all he could do was hold onto Justin for dear life and never let him go for as long as they lived.
“Brian, I’m getting cold here.” Justin said after awhile. “In fact there is a strong possibility that you’ll never see my dick again, it’s shrunk so small.”
Brian shuddered and then laughed. He wiped his eyes. “I’m sorry. Consider that a mini melt down. Did I tell you that when and I do mean when we get out of here, I plan on ripping their balls off? The assholes who have us here.”
“No you haven’t mentioned that, but I have a few million dollars that I can contribute to the cause of having someone else do it. That way we can keep our hands clean.”
“A few million eh?” Brian stood up in the tub and helped Justin to his feet. He grabbed a towel and began to rub the smaller man all over to stimulate his circulation and help warm him up. “That’s a lot of money.”
“It’s quite a bit. Would you love me if I didn’t have ten cents?”
“You don’t have ten cents at the moment, you don’t even have any pockets and I still love you.” Brian realized that he meant what he’d said. He did love Justin. Not that it mattered locked in the damn apartment. He hadn’t intended on telling Justin that, not until they got out, but Brian knew that no matter what he couldn’t take it back. It came out at that moment for a reason, and he wasn’t going to back out now.
“I love you too Brian. You know what I want to do when we get out of here?”
“Go to your home in Canada?”
“No first we go to your loft and we have a great big party for everyone who was looking for you. And then we go to Canada.”
Justin shivered. Brian carried him easily over to the bed. He was thankful once again that they had allowed blankets. “We’ll have to see how things go. First thing first is getting the fuck out of here. Once we’re free, we’ll figure out where to go. Hell, my friends and family… and work has – I hope – dealt with things this long… what’s a couple more weeks.” Brian wrapped the blankets back around Justin as he laid down beside him.
“Sooo… how did they decide that I was worth saving?” Justin asked. He had a feeling that the only reason why he was even there now was because of Brian. It warmed him all over to know that someone cared about him that much to see him through this.
“That’s one thing that I have to talk to you about.” Brian began, knowing that Justin could hear the shame and hesitancy in his voice. “I told them that we would do what they want… if they saved you.”
Justin tried to absorb the words that Brian was telling him. “What do they want?” Justin turned slightly so he could look Brian in the eye. He knew that the other man was ashamed of something, but his mind was hazy he couldn’t put his thoughts in order. “Wait… they want us to fuck.”
“I don’t know if I would call it that… not with what I’m feeling. But yeah… they want us to have sex… unprotected sex.” Brian told Justin trying to avoid the blue eyes bearing into his soul.
Justin nodded, realizing what Brian was sacrificing for him. What Brian had done… to protect him. “Brian… I’m not mad, if that’s what you think. Not at you anyway.” Catching Brian’s shocked and disbelieving look, Justin placed his hand on Brian’s cheek. “I want you, from the moment I first saw you, I wanted you. Yes, doing it raw goes against everything that both of us, BOTH of us, have lived by, but I think we both know that if we don’t…”
“I just wish we could do it on our own time, our own desires. Not because they are forcing us.” Brian rested his forehead against Justin’s, enjoying the contact with the man he loved. He could still feel the fever that Justin had, not as bad as before, but he knew that until he didn’t feel the hot feverous skin they would not be doing anything.
“I know what you mean.” Justin closed his eyes, feeling the weight of his sickness taking over as the coolness of the bath faded. “But I’m okay with it… if you are. I love you, Brian.”
“You’re not mad?” Brian asked, needing to know that without a doubt Justin didn’t blame him, wasn’t angry with him for taking the choice out of his hands.
“I knew it would come to us finally doing it.” Justin’s soft, tired voice brushed against Brian’s skin. “I wanted it… so do you. They just moved things along. But it would have happened sometime.”
Brian allowed Justin the rest he so desperately needed. He was grateful for the beautiful, strong blond in his arms. How he could ever find someone like this, how he could deserve someone like this – was beyond Brian. He knew, however, he wouldn’t let Justin down. After they did finally make love, then he knew that there was no going back. Their days of backroom, strangers, and anonymous sex was over. Justin was it for him, he knew that without a doubt. There would be no others.
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End of Part two