Are You Ready For Love? Plot bunny by Stephanie M Author: Bryant MacLagan Chapter 8 – Letting the thump thump of the music wash over him, Justin leaned his back against the bar and watched the dancers. It felt strange and it felt guiltily good to be in a club after such a long absence. The plane ride to New York had been like traveling into a whole other universe. Like space travel or some kind of time warp. Suddenly he wasn’t Justin Taylor father of three, husband of one, responsible school owner, but rather BJ Amour of old, young blond and carefree and ready to party all night and write or paint all day. It had only taken a few hours at the gallery to lay out what he wanted. He’d go there tomorrow and supervise the placing of his work, though the gallery staff was competent. Now, now was the time to unwind, to forget his responsibilities or at least put them into the back of his mind. He needed this. He needed this down time more than he’d wanted to admit to himself. Finishing his drink, Justin adjusted the club shirt he wore and strode out onto the dance floor. For the next two hours he planned on losing himself in the music and the rhythm of the dance. Fuck the world. Justin sat down at the bar the next day and talking to his manager about the whole set up for the showing, Justin felt rejuvenated. It had been entirely too long since he had spent any time away from the children, though he knew he had mixed feelings about the night he’d spent and the next few days. On one hand he hated that he was gone and away from the kids and Brian, but Brian had told him time and time again that he could handle things. So Justin knew he had to put his faith in Brian, and faith that the man could handle things without him for two days. Brian after all had been gone over a week and Justin had been able to handle it all just fine. Justin had been told many times by his mother that he had to have some fun, and spend time away from the children. He couldn’t be with them 24 hours a day or he’d lose himself. No matter what, Justin hated that he couldn’t bring them with him like he normally would. “I better go. I have to pick up the new cell phone, or see if they finally repaired my old one. I’ll talk to you bright and early in the morning.” Justin finished his drink and walked out of the bar. He had tried to call Brian earlier in the day to let his lover know that his cell phone had been damaged, he hoped not beyond repair when it slipped out of his hands while he was on one of the ladders at the gallery. Brian hadn’t answered his cell, and Justin hadn’t been able to reach anyone at the house. He hoped that nothing was going on, but he knew that Brian had the other numbers so he wasn’t too worried about it. Though it was strange that Brian who normally called him a dozen times a day when they were apart, wasn’t doing it now. By the time Justin walked out of the store with his new cell phone in hand it started ringing. “You don’t waste any time do you,” he joked with a small smile on his face. Brian had impeccable timing that’s for sure. “Where the hell have you been? I’ve been trying to reach you all damn day.” Brian yelled into the phone. “I called you and told you that my phone broke and if you needed me to call the gallery. Don’t yell at me if you didn’t check your messages.” Justin shook his head wondering if he would ever get a couple of minutes of peace and quiet. It wasn’t that he was upset with Brian, but hated it when the older man became defensive and started yelling at him. Too many bad memories surfaced where that was concerned and Justin wasn’t ready to lead their relationship back to that stage. “What’s wrong?” he calmly asked hoping to get Brian to calm down. “Well since you fucking asked, I’m at the hospital.” Brian ran his hand through his hair. He was both pissed at Justin and relieved to hear his voice. He fucking hated feeling this way. He looked through the window at the small form in too big (A)crib draped in plastic. Daphne was with Michelle and she’d kicked him out of the room while she and another doctor consulted and examined Michelle. Tears welled up in Brian’s eyes at the unfairness of everything. The world was completely fucked up if someone as tiny and as innocent as Michelle could be in so much distress. “What? What happened?” “Michelle’s sick, really sick.” Brian voice reflected the fear he was feeling and it came across to Justin loud and clear. Maybe it was the quiet tone, or the resigned sound of the words. Or maybe it was the fact that Justin had never heard Brian’s voice quite this way, but he knew it was serious. Justin felt his heart stop in his chest as he tried to calm down. “Where are the other two?” “At home, scared to fucking death. We’ve been trying to call you all day!” Hysteria was back in his voice as Brian thought of the small faces that had watched from the top of the stairs when he’d bundled up Michelle and raced for his car, Daphne at his side. “Will you calm down, please? This isn’t helping matters any.” Justin leaned up against the wall outside of the store and ran his hands through his hair. “My cell phone broke and I had to get another one. I called both your cell and the house. That’s why I didn’t get your calls. I don’t understand why Nonna didn’t answer though.” “Come home now.” ”Brian…” “No, Justin. Now. The kids need you.” And then Brian said something in a voice so soft that it was almost impossible to hear but it made Justin’s decision for him. “I need you Justin, I need your strength, I think I’m losing it. I’m so filled with fear and anger I’m about to explode.” Justin felt tears starting to form behind his eyes, hating how Brian was treating him at that moment and hating the emotional blackmail that Brian was using. He couldn’t blame Brian since it was an extreme circumstance, but it still hurt. “I… fuck!” Justin knew that if he left now, then the show would be a bust. He could completely scratch it off and forget about it. “I’ll get my things and be on the next available flight.” He said without any emotion. Things would just have to be tight for a while, something that he couldn’t afford since he had another mouth to feed. Yes, Brian helped out with the expenses, but Justin had been depending on the money this showing would bring in. “Who’s with the kids?” “Nonna.” “Fine, I’ll let you know when my flight is and I’ll be there as quickly as possible.” Hanging up the phone, Justin walked the few short blocks to the gallery to let them know what was going on. They were upset, but Justin couldn’t do anything about that at the moment, he had to get home and try and make things right. He had failed as a father, and one of his kids was sick. But oddly enough Brian had admitted that he needed him. Talk about mixed blessings. As the plane lifted off the ground, Justin glanced in the direction of the gallery. There would be other shows, other weekends to relax. His family needed him now, Brian needed him now. Why then did he feel so miserable at leaving the city? He’d gotten what he’d always wanted, a family, a husband that depended on him. Why did he feel so alone? Three hours later, Justin was on a flight back to Pittsburgh. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Justin headed directly to the hospital first and foremost after calling a cab at the airport. Quickly, he ran down the hall, bag in his hand toward where he knew Michelle would be. “Mom?” Justin placed his bag beside his mom’s seat, as he looked around. “Where’s Brian?” “He’s in the room with Michelle. She’s going to be okay.” “Yeah, sure.” Daphne came in and looked at Justin. Walking over to him, she pulled him into a hug. “I didn’t think you could get away. I knew it would be a problem for you.” “Forget that, how’s Michelle?” “She’ll be fine. We had a little scare, but I think in a couple of days she should be able to go home.” Daphne placed her hand on Justin’s shoulder and looked him in the eye. “I really don’t know if she will make it to a year, Justin. She’s really not well. She’s holding her own, but … I don’t know.” Justin nodded and moved away to head toward the girl’s room. “Hey,” he whispered to Brian sitting beside the crib. “Hey. I thought you were going to go home to be with the kids.” “Yeah, I was… I will. I just wanted to try and see how she was doing. How you were doing.” Justin took a couple of steps into the room, unsure of the welcome he would get. “I’m sorry about the phone thing, but I thought that even without it you would, or someone would call the gallery.” “Yeah, well. I wasn’t really thinking at the time.” Brian stated as he stood from his spot and walked over to Justin. “I really needed you here.” “I know, and I’m sorry. I’m here now.” Brian nodded and wrapped his arms around Justin, pulling the younger man flush against his body. “I hope that this didn’t screw things up too bad for you.” “It’s a bust, but I guess there will be others.” “What?” Brian asked surprised. This was the first he had heard about it. Justin nodded and shrugged his shoulders. “It wasn’t at my gallery this time, we were trying to expand. That’s why I needed to be there. We’ll just try again once things calm down some. No problem.” “Fuck. Why didn’t you tell me?” Brian couldn’t believe that he didn’t know about any of this. “Cause it wasn’t important. I didn’t think it was important. It doesn’t matter now, we’ll talk about it when things calm down some and Michelle gets back home.” The last thing Justin wanted to do was get emotional or discuss the repercussions of this quick return home might have on their finances. That was something that the rest of the hospital did not need to know, and something that they needed to talk in private about. “I better get home to the other two. Call me if you need anything, okay? We can take turns or whatever.” “Okay,” Brian told his lover as he pulled Justin back into a hug. He knew that they would have to discuss the past day sometime, but right now was not the time. “We’ll talk about it in the morning. Go home; spend some time with the kids. They’re really freaked out over this.” “Yes it happens every time one of them ends up in the hospital, especially if I’m not there.” Justin closed his eyes once again wondering if he would ever be able to do anything even for one hour without the children. He didn’t regret for one second that he had the children. Each one of the three was special and even Michelle had tugged at his heart and become part of it, though he was rarely with her. There were times however, that he felt overwhelmed and this unfortunately was one of the times. It would pass, like it always did, but for now, Justin only knew to try and suck it up and be strong. His breakdown could come later. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Brian had just put Michelle down for a nap. Her breathing wasn’t what he wanted, but he had a monitor installed in her room to check her breathing and heart rate. Nonna, Justin and himself carried portable control units to notify them if anything should be out of the ordinary. Daphne had cautioned both him and Justin that Michelle was very susceptible to SIDS ( sudden infant death syndrome) Brian had never heard of it and had been horrified to discover how common it was in high risk babies not to mention regular ones as well. The last week had been hard at everyone in the Taylor household. Melia and BJ had been worried and scared for Michelle. Justin kept wanting to go to the hospital and relieve Brian, but Brian had insisted that the blond stay with the other children. Words had been spoken and feelings hurt and it was killing Brian to see the sadness in Justin’s eyes. “I know what you’re saying, but there’s nothing that I can do about it… no… listen, I know that they are upset, but I can’t help it. When my children are in trouble, then I need to be here… yes, I know… well tell them that when I actually get around to showing my things then they will be the first to know… well there isn’t much else I can do. Let them pick out two paintings and it can be theirs as an apology… Yeah, well if I lived in a perfect world then I wouldn’t have to worry about it… I know what it’s going to cost, and that’s not your problem. That is my problem and not yours… good, tell them that I am sorry, but we have to do it at a later date… I don’t care what you tell them, just calm them down, that’s what I pay you for… yeah, bye.” Justin leaned forward to place his head on the top of his desk, tired of fighting with his damn manager over this. It had been three days, and his manager hadn’t stopped trying to get the opening to continue. “Everything okay?” Brian stated as he placed his hands on Justin’s shoulder, overhearing the entire conversation. “It’s fine.” Justin lied. The last thing he wanted to do was make Brian feel bad, or let the man think that his children weren’t important to him. Justin looked up to see Brian’s raised eyebrow and he shrugged. “It may be tight for a while, but it’s no big deal. I should have thought about this before I agreed to show things at another gallery, and I should have realized that it was a bad idea beforehand. I never should have left, and I learned a lesson.” Justin stood and walked over to the door. “Are you going into the office today?” “No, I’ve taken a leave of absence; figure I can work from home just as well as from there. You?” Brian asked, worried about Justin’s attitude and what the man was feeling. Justin appeared okay on the outside, but Brian was wondering if his lover was angry at him. Things had been strained between the two in recent weeks, and Brian didn’t like it at all. He knew that Justin was under a lot of stress. He didn’t like that he had the feelings of resentment toward Justin for going to New York, but Brian couldn’t help it. Justin kept hounding him about how he knew what to do, and wanting to help. When Brian had finally gotten around to allowing Justin to help him, the other man had headed off to New York. And he was happy to be going. If Justin had shown some sign that had let him know that he hated leaving the children and himself, Brian knew he would feel differently, at least he hoped he would. It was something that he would never know. Justin shook his head. “If another emergency arises, then yeah. Hopefully the new security system that’s in place will stop that shit. Ben is capable of handling things; I need to start pulling back. I don’t have the time to fuck with that stuff anyway. Just another one of my stupid ideas, I guess.” “Justin…” “Brian, it’s okay. Really. I forgot where my priorities should lay and I am sorry. It won’t happen again. Mom was wrong. It wasn’t the first time, and it won’t be the last, but I know where my priorities should lay, and I just have to keep reminding myself of that so I don’t fuck up.” Justin turned and looked over at Brian and gave the man a small smile. “The kids need to be number one, and then you. I can paint and write at home, just like I was doing before. I guess with the BJ and Mali doing so good, I forgot how dangerous things can be. I got comfortable and forgot that they needed to be number one. With Michelle getting sick, it made me realize what I’ve been doing and now I have to fix it.” “Justin…” Brian tried to say, but Justin had turned and walked out of the room. Brian knew that something would have to be done and soon. What, he wasn’t sure of, but something had to be done and soon, if they were ever going to make it through this and survive. As Justin made his way down the stairs to where the children were, he had time to think. Did he resent Michelle for all of the mess that was going on? He knew he shouldn’t but he’d barely been left alone with her without Brian. He hadn’t had a chance to truly bond with her. Brian never once called from the hospital asking Justin to take over for a while. Brian hardly ever let Justin handle anything if it dealt with Michelle, and Justin knew that now it would or could get worse. He had let them down by not being there when the little girl got sick. Brian might not trust him now to be able to take care of her. Justin would just have to deal with that. One thing at a time, and that would have to wait. First he had to continue to calm the children and let them know that he was there and wasn’t leaving them again. One thing at a time was all he could handle. Children first, then Brian. Then if he had any energy left, himself. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Nonna smiled when she saw Brian dressed in his navy blue silk lounging pajamas. “I see you have something special planned for tonight.” “I’m going to try. Is Justin in the family room with the kids?” “Yes, he just gave Malia her medicine and BJ is trying to convince him to play some kind of game.” “Hunter should be here any minute. I’m going to get Justin upstairs and into the hot tub. The kids can wait for Hunter. He’s spending the night and will help you get them ready for bed.” “What about Michelle?” Nonna asked. “She’s sleeping and on the monitors.” Brian picked up a bottle of wine “I figure we have two hours at least before she wakes up. My partner needs some pampering.” He grinned at Nonna just as the door bell rang. Hunter was right on time. Walking into the family room Justin looked up from the chair he was sitting in. “Who’s at the door?” he asked Brian. Brian winced to himself at the dark circles under Justin’s eyes. “That my darling partner is our child minder extraordinaire, Hunter.” He walked over to Justin and swooped him up in his arms. “You have now been officially captured by your slave boy for the evening.” “Boy?” Justin snorted, but there was a bit of sparkle in his eyes. “Daddy Bwian, you picked up daddy.” Malia said delightedly. “That I did my little princess. I want you and BJ to entertain Hunter for the next hour or two. My prince charming has an appointment with a slave boy.” “He does? Where is this guy?” BJ asked looking around. “It’s daddy Bwian dummy.” Malia said with a giggle. Justin was about to chastise Malia but his mouth was captured in a kiss to silence him. “Ta ta for now my little angels” Brian said in a high voice making the children both laugh. He grabbed the bottle of wine and added it to his armful of man. In seconds he and Justin were up the stairs and in their bedroom. Brian put Justin carefully on the bed. “First I remove your clothes oh master.” He began to do just that while Justin watched amused at Brian’s elaborate antics. He looked around the room noticing dozens of candles burning. “Brian what in hell are you doing?” “Apparently you haven’t been pampered often enough if you have to ask.” Brian said with a grin. Justin was now naked. He poured a glass of wine, took a sip and then kissed his blond partner, transferring the wine to Justin’s mouth. “You taste amazing as usual.” “I always did like your kisses, and this one actually tasted like wine.” Justin teased. “Your slave boy aims to please.” Brian held out his hand. “Come on out on the deck, your hot tub awaits.” Brian helped Justin stand up. He wrapped a matching silk robe around Justin and led him to the hot tub outside on their deck. Justin dropped the robe when he started to get into the tub, but Brian beat him to it and lifted him in, quickly following. A pitcher of icy Sangria sat on a silver tray along with two glasses.” “Are you trying to get me drunk?” Justin asked with a laugh. “Never would I stoop so low.” Brian grinned as he poured Justin a glass and then one for himself. “To us” he toasted. “To our past and our future; may we be together always.” “That almost sounds like a vow.” “Or a promise.” Brian kissed Justin tenderly. When the kiss deepened, he took Justin’s glass from his hand and placed it back on the tray. Justin turned and straddled the man he loved, the warm water adding buoyancy to his body. He lowered himself on Brian’s lap, their hardened cocks rubbed together and they both looked down at the mushroom heads bobbing like apples in the water. Justin laid his head on Brian’s chest enjoying the relaxation and the feeling that they were all alone in the night with no worries or cares, just the two of them. “Brian, I’m scared.” Justin began. “When I first got BJ and then Malia, I was able to take a sabbatical from my other life and we learned all about each other. I had almost a year for each of them. But with Michelle, I just can’t take the time and I feel guilty for not doing it. I mean is my life all that fucking important? Shouldn’t Michelle’s life be more important that a few fucking paintings or a book or two, or even a fucking school? Brian rubbed Justin’s back like he would one of the children. He hadn’t planned on this time being a discussion time, but he felt Justin needed to vent. “I feel like a worthless piece of shit when I come home and look at her. I mean it’s like I’m playing favorites. Like the other two were more important than Michelle.” Justin took a deep breathe as he continued to rest his head on Brian’s chest. “I always try to keep myself aloof, try not to get too attached right away. At least that’s what I tell myself, because I have always known that the first year… that they may not make it through the first year. I’d always fail. They both won me over. Michelle has won me over too, no doubt about that, I love her. But in a way, it’s easier cause I’m not always around to … I don’t want to close that part of me off. And it’s no ones fault but my own, but … I hate it, I just fucking hate it.” Brian reached around and found their glasses of Sangria. He handed one to Justin and took one for himself. “Take a drink Sunshine.” He waited while Justin did and then took the glass away. “You are the best father, the best partner and the best business person that I’ve ever know.” Brian began. “When you had BJ and Malia, there was only you. Now there is the Justin and Brian show. I’m part of this equation. I know I was being unreasonable about Michelle, but I wanted you to have some time to yourself. I didn’t want you to be hanging around the hospital. It wasn’t fair. You’ve put in enough fucking hospital time.” He sighed. “I know I was wrong. I should have shared my martyrdom.” He grinned and Justin and kissed his forehead. “But you have to know that us Irish are rather experts at being martyrs.” “And there’s us Brian.” Justin’s voice was barely a whisper. “We had three weeks or was it even that, of being back together before our lives were turned upside down by Michelle. “I don’t want us to not be ‘us’. I couldn’t bear the thought of losing you again. It damn near killed me.” “It damn near killed me too Sunshine.” And Justin could hear the ring of truth in Brian’s words. He looked up into the hazel eyes that were shining in the moonlight and sought the truth in what he’d been saying. “I love you Brian Kinney.” “I know you do Justin, and it’s the only thing that gets me through the bad days. Your love is my strength. It always has been and it always will be.” “Make love to me.” The words caught in Justin’s throat as his emotions rose to the surface. “Always.” Brian murmured as his lips descended. Justin closed his eyes, enjoying the feel of Brian inside him after what seemed like forever, never wanting it to end. As they tried to calm their breathing, Justin smiled into Brian’s neck. “I wish it could always be like this. I bet you never thought that it would be like this when you came here. Me with two kids and now three.” Brian lightly kissed Justin on the side of the head, wrapping his arms tighter around Justin. “Nope. This is better.” Justin tried not to laugh, because he could never understand how Brian – the man who lived for himself, helping others from the shadows, loving them all silently – would actually openly enjoy this life. “Sorry, just trying to picture the Brian that I knew so long ago thinking that.” Justin lifted his head from Brian’s shoulder to really look at his lover. “You really, and I mean really have changed. I knew you had, but…” “We really need to take some time for ourselves once in a while huh? Guess you’re right in one thing.” Brian saw Justin’s confused look and Brian slowly let out a long, deep sigh. “We need to get to know who we are now. We didn’t have a lot of time before all of this, maybe we can take a day a week, or night a week whichever for just us.” “Think it would work? Really work?” “I want it to, do you?” “Of course I do, it’s what I’ve always wanted. I’m not the same kid you knew all those years ago. Pain, the kids… everything in life has changed me. I push my feelings and thoughts aside just so I can get through things, because I still have my own issues – ones that aren’t even related to the kids – to deal with. I’m one fucked up gay boy, I tell you.” “We’ll find the time to work on those issues too. We have to, cause Justin… I don’t know if I can do this, be this distant from you anymore. It hurts too much.” “I’m trying Brian, I really am. It’s just not easy for me. I’ve dealt with the children by my self for so long, I’m not used to sharing the responsibility. Just ask my mom. But I’m trying.” “That’s all I ask.” “I do love you.” “But do you love yourself?” ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ “Why do you need him there in person?” Brian asked Justin’s agent. He needed to set things right for his partner. “He’s an integral part of the show.” The agent explained patiently. “The whole point of this show is to raise funds and awareness for Liberty School. The art patrons won’t be too impressed if the artist can’t be bothered to turn out for the thing himself. . Plus he, himself put in legal documents that if the showing was not at his gallery then he would have to attend. It was his ‘safety net’.” ” “I believe Justin explained to you that one of his children was sick. One of his HIV children. I’m wondering what the New York papers would have to say about your god damned art gallery and its policies if they knew why Justin wasn’t able to be there. I mean don’t those people know how to hang and display art? Isn’t that their fucking job? Is there some rule that says the artist has to stand there and approve each piece? Knowing Justin like I do, I can tell you that he has a little loophole in there just for these circumstances. I mean give me a damn break here.” Brian paused for breath. “My partner works twenty four seven for everyone out there. He doesn’t have time to read the paper or even relax with for a few minutes. Surely to good god you guys can cut him some slack. “ There was silence on the line for a few moments. “I’ll talk to the gallery owner. After all the opening has been catered and everything is set, I’ll get back to you Mr. Kinney.” “See that you do and see that Justin gets a fair deal.” Brian hung up the phone and walked back into the house. He hadn’t wanted Justin to overhear. He needed to see the sunshine smile back on his partner’s face and soon. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Justin stared at the phone in disbelief. He was trying to figure out if it was real or some sick joke. Leaning back on the couch, Justin let out a deep breath to try and clear his mind. Could he trust them, or was this just another moment in which he had to fight for his children’s rights? Closing his eyes, Justin felt Brian’s hand massage his neck. “Who was that?” Justin opened his eyes and stared at the phone in his hand. “That would have been Lindsay, at least I think it was Lindsay.” “What did she want?” Brian asked trying not to be upset. He had told them time and time again not to call the house, and only to call his cell phone if it was an emergency. Justin had enough shit to deal with, that the ‘family’ was only adding to the problem. Justin set the phone back on the cradle on the end table, and shook his head. “She wanted to invite BJ and Malia to go trick or treating with Gus on Halloween.” “What?” “That’s what I said. Well basically what I said. I wonder if she cleared it with Mel, cause I know she won’t be happy about it, not if my last confrontation with her was any indication.” Justin moved so he could put his head down on Brian’s lap as he curled up and got comfortable. “I told her that I didn’t see a problem with it, but I will be keeping my eye out. I won’t let her or Mel hurt them.” “Are you sure?” Brian asked. He wasn’t so sure that it was a good idea, but since the whole mess a couple of weeks ago, he was trying to let Justin take some control over the situation with the children. He was trying to do better with all things, including trying to include Justin in everything dealing with Michelle. He still felt at times that he couldn’t trust Justin to be there when she needed him, but he knew why the other man couldn’t. They were working on it, but it was a slow, painful process. Justin nodded, letting the feel of Brian’s fingers work their magic on his scalp. “yeah. They love Gus, and hate that they can’t see him all the time. I mean I was thinking about taking them out anyway, so why not. Last year they couldn’t go because BJ wasn’t well, and Mali had a cold… this year they are both healthy, and I want them to enjoy it. But the first sign of trouble I’m bringing them home.” “Should be fun, I guess. All of us out. I have gone soft.” “Not really a bad thing.” Justin turned so he could sit up and look at Brian. “I thought you would want to stay here with Michelle. I can take the other two and deal with Mel if you want to stay here. That’s not a problem.” Justin told Brian, hoping that the man could hear what he was not saying. He was trying to understand Brian’s place in all of their lives, and knew that Brian’s main priority was Michelle. He didn’t want, and would never want to take that away from Brian. It made Brian happy, and that’s what Justin had always wanted for his lover. “I know, but I don’t see why your mom or Nonna can’t watch her for a couple of hours as we take the rest of the twerps out.” Brian smiled as he shook his head. “It’s funny, normally that day I would go out with the guys to Babylon or Woody’s. Get drunk and pass out hours later. If they could see me now.” “Do you regret it?” Justin asked a little worried. “Never. I’m getting too old for that scene, and this … well it’s a nice change of pace.” “Not always, but yeah… But you miss it at times, don’t you?” “Yeah, I do. But this is better.” “yeah.” Justin laid his head back down on Brian’s lap and closed his eyes. He hoped he could keep Brian happy and thinking that this was a good thing. He only had to get over his own issues and problems so he could do that. One day, Brian would know what he meant to him. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ “Hey Brian, long time no see. Are you going to Babylon tonight? It’s Halloween and you know what that means – beautiful bodies in amazing costumes.” Brian turned from the counter at the diner where he was picking up some lemon bars to take home to Justin. “No, I have plans Mikey.” Brian said before turning back to pay for his purchase. “Surely you could leave the little wife at home with the kiddies for one night. This used to be your favorite night at Babylon.” Michael ignored the darkening of Brian’s eyes. Something that wasn’t a good idea. “Mikey, fuck off.” Brian grabbed his bag of lemon bars and started out the door. He had an hour to get home and help Justin dress the kids before they headed over to Lindsay’s. “Soooorrrrry, I suppose you have to baby sit.” Michael laughed. “You might as well be straight.” “I don’t baby sit, I parent. A novel concept for you Mikey I agree.” Brian looked at his old friend. “When we get home with the kids and they go to bed, we are going to spend a nice quiet and peaceful evening at home fucking our brains out.” Brian laughed. “I actually rather enjoy having my ‘little wife’ at home. Only he’s not so damn little. You should be so lucky Mikey.” Laughing Brian left the diner. The laugh left Brian’s face as soon as he cleared the door. His best friend from high school was becoming a serious pain in the ass. Admittedly, trick or treating with three children wasn’t high on his list of favorite things to do. But he wanted to make Malia and BJ’s childhood as normal as possible and if it meant going from door to door with all of them in tow, well so be it. Michelle had been doing better and he thought that maybe tonight he’d take her along with the others. He could stay with her at Melanie and Lindsay’s or Justin could stay. It didn’t matter. What did matter was making this night a family night involving all of them. Brian knew that accepting Michelle into their household was probably one of the stupidest things he could have done at the time. But it was too late to go back and damned if he’d send her to another foster family just because she was inconveniencing them all. It was four o’clock when he arrived home. “Daddy Bwian, daddy Bwian,” Malia called from the family room. “I’m a princess.” “You are, I thought your daddy was the princess in this family.” Brian joked. Justin rolled his eyes but grinned. “And what are you supposed to be Sonny Boy?” Brian asked BJ. “I Sponge Bob Square Pants.” BJ laughed and pranced around the room. “I look so cool” he announced. “What’s in the bag Daddy Bwian?” Malia asked, her curiosity getting the better of her. “That’s Michelle’s costume. “She’s going to be a little bunny rabbit.” “Uh, Brian, Michelle isn’t even one yet and it’s kind of cold out tonight.” Justin began. “I know. I have a fleece suit for her to wear with a hood that has bunny ears attached. She’ll be warm.” Brian held up the costume. “I thought maybe we’d all go out trick or treating. We can take turns staying with Mel and Michelle. Though I don’t mind volunteering for the first shift.” Brian grinned. “I bet you don’t mind.” Justin said. He couldn’t believe that Brian wanted to make a family outing of this. To his knowledge Brian had never gone out on Halloween unless hitting Babylon at midnight counted. “I’ll just be a minute.” Brian said. “I’m going to change Michelle and get dressed myself. We can all go over to the muncher’s together.” “What’s munchers?” BJ asked “Ask your father.” Justin said with a laugh. “Daddy Brian, what’s munchers?” BJ called up the stairs. “Ask your father.” Brian called back down. “You guys always say that.” BJ grumbled. The ride to Melanie and Lindsay’s was quickly accomplished. Malia and BJ were both glued to the windows of the car looking at strangely costumed children on the sidewalks. Michelle looked adorable in her bunny costume. Justin had colored her nose pink and placed well drawn whiskers on her cheeks. “Hey Gus.” Brian said when the door opened. “Daddy, Justin, cool, you brought the kids.” Gus threw open the door wider. “MOM, MOMMA,” he yelled, “DADDY AND JUSTIN ARE HERE.” “Gus, don’t yell in the house.” Lindsay chastised as she came to the door. “Brian, I wasn’t expecting you. And you brought the baby.” “This is Michelle, we call her Mickey ‘cause she’s the size of a mouse.” BJ announced as he walked in the door. “She’s our baby sister and she’s HIV too, but more sicker than me and Mali.” “Oh” Lindsay said quietly not really sure what to say. “Brian, what are you doing here?” Melanie asked. “I knew you’d hate being here all alone while the children go out and play. I thought Michelle and I could keep you company.” He handed the baby to Melanie who looked surprised but took her. “She hardly weighs anything at all.” Melanie said. “How old is she?” “She’s almost ten months old, but she barely weighs twelve pounds.” Brian ran his thumb gently down her cheek. “She’s a fighter and is using all her strength to stay alive, growing can come later.” His voice had softened as he looked at his little girl and stroked her cheek. Justin and Lindsay gathered up the kids. Brian headed into the living room with Michelle and Melanie following him. “You kids watch out for Sunshine and don’t let him eat all your candy.” Brian called as the others trooped out the door. He heard Malia giggling as the door shut. “How come Daddy Brian calls you Sunshine?” BJ was asking. Their voices faded as they moved away from the house. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Justin plopped down on the bed and put his hand over his face. “One major holiday down…only twenty million to go. Thanksgiving… Christmas. Fuck me.” “Problem, Sunshine?” Brian asked as he crawled into bed beside his lover after making sure that all of the monitors were up. “Did the little children tire you out?” “Fuck off. You had it easy. You got to stay inside the whole time with Michelle, while Lindsay and I were chasing the other three around the whole damn city it seems.” Justin pulled the blankets over his body, ready for sleep. His feet hurt, and his body still chilled even after spending forever in the hot shower. “You could have come in and changed places with me. I would have taken over.” “You had it all planned didn’t you?” Justin said with a small smile, and shaking his head. “You just knew that once they got started they weren’t going to want to go back. Fucker. Set me up, nice and good.” “Now would I ever do that?” “In a heartbeat.” Justin rolled on his side and lightly ran his hand over Brian’s chest. “But you get to check their candy, and deal with them tomorrow. I’m sleeping in.” “Says who?” “Says me. I’m the one who walked fifty miles tonight.” “It’s good for you. I thought you were getting a little chunky around the middle.” Brian laughed as he felt Justin slap his chest. “I think Mel maybe coming around. Slowly but at least a little.” “I won’t let her hurt the kids, and until she proves herself to me, then she won’t get near them unless I’m there.” Justin informed Brian as he rested his head on Brian’s shoulder. “I just don’t trust her. Her track record isn’t the greatest, and I’m afraid that she was only nice tonight because she didn’t want to look like the bad guy.” “I won’t let her hurt the children either, but… if we want Gus at any time we do have to deal with her.” “I know, but don’t think for an instance that I’m just going to let my guard down. She has to prove herself to me. Too many things had been said lately that I won’t let her say or do anything that could cause those children any pain.” “Neither will I.” “I know, that’s what I love about you.” ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ “Mullusk, get your ass in here so you can help set the table.” Justin stated as he peeked out of the door from the kitchen. “Please, and thank-you.” “Ass.” BJ mimicked laughing in delight as he played on the floor with Hunter. “BJ.” Justin warned turning to go back into the kitchen. “Thanks, Vic. I don’t know what I would have done without your help in here.” “It’s the least I could do. Helping out in the kitchen is my expertise.” Vic placed the last of the pies into the oven to bake, and then turned to the mashed potatoes making sure that they were the perfect texture. “What did Deb say when you told her you were coming here instead of spending it with her?” “She was fine with it, so don’t you worry your pretty little head about it. In fact she all but ordered me to come.” “Really?” “She’s spending it with Carl and Michael this year.” Vic turned so he could look Justin in the eye. “She only wished she could be here this year, but she understands. Plus Michael needs her right now, so she’s putting her holiday energy into him.” “I kinda feel bad for Michael. He doesn’t have anyone really this year.” “That’s Michael’s own doing, nothing you could do would change that.” “I still feel bad.” “So when is this feast going to be ready, the masses are hungry.” Brian came into the kitchen and lifted up the covering over the large bird that they had. “Christ, we’ll be having turkey for months.” “And it’s perfect with your turkey sandwiches.” Justin smiled as he leaned and gave Brian a light kiss on the lips. “Besides, even though you bitched and moaned about me having to be up at four a.m. to start this food, you will enjoy the fruits of my labor.” “You know you could have gotten more sleep if we had just done what I said and called in a caterer.” “But that’s not Thanksgiving. Besides, the kids have always had a home cooked meal on this day, and I for one like doing it.” “Here, here. And I am here helping.” Vic said with a smile. “Besides, who do you think I am? Chopped liver?” “Yeah, so see, we do have a caterer.” Justin laughed as he moved around to start placing things on the table. “Molly, now please!” Shaking his head Justin could only roll his eyes. “Teenage girls, I will never understand them.” “Get used to it. One day Mali will be doing the same thing. So will Michelle.” Justin nodded not able to say anything in return. He wanted to believe that they would all be around for their teenage years, but he also didn’t want to get his hopes up. One day at a time, he reminded himself again. “Brian, can you get the kids’ meds ready? Dinner should be ready in an hour.” “No problem. I’ll get this crap, and then get out of your way.” Brian knew better than to get in the ‘chef’s’ way when it came to the kitchen. “Besides, Rodney, Ben, Jennifer and I have a bet on the game.” “You’re watching the game?” Justin asked surprised. “I don’t think football’s ever been on the TV in this house. And… my mother?” “Mother’s watch football. Besides it’s Thanksgiving. Have to follow tradition.” Brian turned with a smile carrying the box of medicine out to the living room. He hoped today would be a nice quiet day, just the family sitting around and giving thanks. He knew what he had to be thankful for, all he had to do was look around and smile. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Everyone was sitting at the dining room table eating dinner. The laughter was loud as each one took turns telling a story of past Thanksgivings. Some were more exaggerated than others. The first sneeze from Michelle, who was watching everything from her place of honor in her swing went unnoticed by everyone. The second sneeze was heard by Justin and Brian at the same time. They both turned and looked at her. Her cheeks had blazing red dots of fever on them and her eyes looked glazed. She sneezed again and then opening her mouth, projectile vomited. As one, Brian and Justin ran to her. “What the fuck” Brian muttered. He scooped her out of the swing and holding her gently, headed upstairs to her room with her. Justin followed behind. Silence fell heavy on the diner table. They all knew what it meant when they heard the sneezes. Michelle was sick again. Malia began to cry, tears running down her face silently. Jennifer looked helpless for a moment; she’d never seen a child so devastated. BJ got up and went into the family room. He picked up Malia’s Brian bear and sat in the corner of the sofa and hugged it tight, his eyes sad. Upstairs Brian and Justin were cleaning up Michelle. “Her temperature is 103 already. How in fuck did this happen?” Brian asked. He looked helplessly at Justin. “She was fine before dinner.” “It happens sometimes Brian. They pick up bugs so damn easy.” Justin pulled out his cell and hit speed dial for Daphne. She was due over later after she’d worked her shift at the hospital, but he didn’t think this could wait. He’d never seen any of the children become ill quite so quickly. He looked over at Brian who was changing Michelle’s diaper again. She’d soiled herself and it was so acidic her small bottom was beet red and beginning to blister. She was crying but the sound was weak as if she just didn’t have the energy to do more. “I’m not waiting for Daphne. I’m taking her to the hospital. “ Brian said as he began to put her into the fleece bunny suite that had such happy memories. “Tell Daphne I’ll be there in fifteen minutes and to meet me in the emergency room. I don’t want to go through the general staff.” “I’ll tell her, but I’m coming too.” Justin said. “You can’t, you have to stay with the kids. They are going to be upset.” He looked at Justin his hazel eyes were dark with worry. “Why now Justin, she was doing so good. It’s almost Christmas; she’ll be a year old soon. Why now?” “Brian, she’s got a cold, it has to be just a cold.” But Justin knew in his heart that it was more than just a cold. Her symptoms were too severe. “She can’t have a fucking cold. I’ve been so careful, we’ve all been so careful. Where in fuck would she get a cold?” he headed out the door of the room. Michelle was bundled up in blankets and held close to his chest. Downstairs, Jennifer took the baby from his arms. She was already dressed in her parka. “Put your coat on Brian. I have the car warming.” “Jennifer?” Brian said. “Justin has to stay here with the others but I am not letting you and Michelle go to the hospital alone.” She started to walk out the door. “Come on Brian.” At the hospital, Michelle was whisked away by Daphne. The baby knew her and had tried to smile when she’d seen the friendly face. That smile almost undid Brian right there, but he straightened his back and followed behind quietly. Sitting in the corner of the examining room, Brian watched his daughter being examined. Jennifer stood beside him, her hand on his shoulder grounding him and offering quiet reassurance. Finally Michelle was admitted to the pediatric ward. Daphne came over to Brian and Jennifer. “I won’t try and sugar coat it. It’s bad this time. What she has is more than a cold. She’s picked up a virus that’s been going around the city.” “But how, she hasn’t been out of the house since Halloween?” Brian asked. “The virus could have been passed on to her from anyone in the house. Her immune system is out of wack, you knew that. Brian, there’s nothing you could have done that you didn’t do. We’ll do everything we can for her. I’m having a cot moved into her room. I know that between you and Justin she won’t be left alone, I’m not even going to try.” Daphne looked at Brian and then reached over and hugged him close to her. “I know you don’t buy into the religion thing, but maybe this would be a good time to start. She could use all the prayers she can get.” Daphne gave a half smile and kissed Brian on the cheek. “I’ll call Justin, you go with Michelle.” Tbc.