Chapter Three Present time – 2016 “Justin, Justin.” Daphne knelt beside her friend. She’d managed to break into his house with only minor damage. He looked at her not comprehending that she was there. Finally he held out the book in his hand wordlessly showing her. She tried to take it from him but he held fast. “No” he whispered “no, no, no, no, no, GOD” the word were torn from his throat but he remained dry eyed. Daphne began to cry, Justin’s pain was her pain and it was never-ending and almost too much to bear. Justin opened the book in his hand and turned to the last entry that was written. The one that would still have the touch of Brian’s fingers imprinted on the page for him to feel. He closed his eyes when he saw the writing; the pain of it almost more than he could stand. With his eyes shut he could picture the man he loved sitting somewhere far away and writing these last words to him. He began to read. ~~~***~~~***~~~*** May 21, 2016 Dear Justin, What can I say to you right now? What can I say that will explain what I’m feeling at this moment? I have a bad feeling about this mission, I don’t know why, but something is screaming inside of me to find a way to put an end to it. How, I wouldn’t have a clue, but I wish that there was something. I can’t tell you how hard it is for me right now to put the bracelet in my box, and I can’t even begin to describe the pain I’m feeling at trying to take off the ring. I’ve tried 8 times so far and I can’t do it. It won’t come off. That’s a good damn clue to me that it’s not meant to come off this time. But I have to. I have to take it off and put it with the rest of the things. My only hope is that this mission will not be my last, that I will be able to reclaim these items and place them right back where they belong. I hope that you won’t have to see the tears I’ve cried, the same tears that have discolored this book. I don’t know if I could survive this mission or any other knowing that if I don’t make it, that you would have to suffer like Christine did when Matt died. I don’t even want to think about you having to suffer through it alone. I guess that has to be my motivation. I have to come back. That’s my promise to you, Justin. I will come back from this mission, no matter the cost to me or to others outside of the unit. I will come back no matter what. This sick feeling I have be dammed. I will come home to you. I have to, cause the alternative is unthinkable. “Never leave anyone behind.” Is the motto, remember? So I will be back to claim these. They will be back where they belong. Of course if you’re reading this, then most likely I didn’t make it back. I hope to God I’m not dead, only missing. Cause death is something I don’t want to think about. Being without you would kill me, and I don’t want you to go through that pain alone. But anyway, if you are reading this I do wonder if you found the others yet. It’s hard to believe how much one person can write. One for each year I’ve known you. Locked safely away. They are yours to do with what you will. Burn them, read them, toss them away. I think that these entries are for me as much as they are for you. This is my way of being able to share all of this with you, to share a part of my life that I’ve had to keep hidden. I never wanted to keep secrets from you, but it’s my job, and it’s what I have to do. Know that no matter where I am, I love you with every fiber of my being. I love you until this damn universe ends. Know that I am thinking about you every second of every day. The ring is off now, but I can still feel you near. Having you here with me keeps me sane, and will bring me home. Don’t forget that. Don’t give up on me. I will come back to you. Forever, remember. Forever my Avalon. Love you always, Brian. ~~~***~~~***~~~*** The words blurred before his eyes. Justin traced the last ones with his finger. It was then he realized the gift Brian had given him. All these years when Brian kept himself locked up tight inside – being the dutiful soldier – he was opening his heart on the pages of books like this one for Justin to have someday. Justin turned to the last page and tucked into the binding of the book was a safety deposit key. The number 4451 written on the inside cover of the book. It was a safety deposit box key. It had to be for their bank in Baja. The place they returned to time and time again. The place where they could be themselves and love one another without the prying eyes of Uncle Sam and his minions watching them. ~~~***~~~***~~~*** January 2011 – “Well look what the cat dragged in.” Rod the photographer was standing by the water cooler when Justin stepped off of the elevator. “Fuck off Rod.” “Such a bitchy mood. Is my little sweetums unhappy that he has to leave his little Navy Boy and join the real world again.” Justin glared at him. Rod had hit the nail on the head. Brian had left for the base last night and Justin didn’t expect to see him for at least a week. It was going to be one long damn week. “Ooooh, what have we here? Show Uncle Roddy” Rod grabbed Justin’s arm and looked at the bracelet. “Yummy, a Navy boy who not only tastes good, but has good taste as well. You are a lucky gay boi.” Justin had to laugh at his friend’s antics. “Do you like my tan?” he twirled around. And while he was hardly tanned, he was a lovely shade of golden brown which was much better than his usual ivory white. “So Christmas vacation wasn’t spent only in bed. There was some time for sunshine on the beach. Come and tell Uncle Roddy just everything and don’t leave out any of the juicy details.” “Damn Rod, you’re worse than Daphne. She’s been on the phone twice since I got back. Don’t you guys have lives of your own?” “Moi? A life? You jest fair Justin.” Rod sat on the edge of Justin’s desk. He was prepared to wait until Justin spilled all. ~~~***~~~***~~~*** Brian headed up the stairs toward his room, trying to wipe the smile off of his face. He couldn’t help it, he was happy. For the first time in his life he was truly and totally happy. Hearing voices from farther down the hall, Brian paused in his step and cleared his mind of any thoughts of Justin and his time away. He couldn’t let these jackasses think they had one on him. “Hey Kinney, have a nice break?” “The usual,” Brian stated as he tried to push past the wall of Cadets in front of him. Chris and his usual band of merry closet-cases were standing there trying to start something. Brian was sick and tired of having to deal with these guys, and it was only getting worse as time went on. He knew that these past couple of months he had been acting ‘out of character’ for him, but he didn’t care. He wasn’t there to impress any of the other Cadets, only to get his education and move on with his life. Of course now he had someone who would be willing to share it with him. Was that so wrong of him? Couldn’t he have what the straight guys had? Shaking his head, he once again tried to maneuver past the group. “Get the fuck out of my way, before I throw you down these steps.” “What’s with the tan, Kinney? I didn’t think they had tanning booths in the rat hole hotel.” Another cadet stated, looking Brian up and down. “And why have you been disappearing after class every day? Found some nice piece of ass? Fucked a couple of queers?” Brian rolled his neck around, trying to get the kinks out of it, wanting to have the tension and anger lessen. The last thing he needed now was to get kicked out of school. For the past 4 years he had never caused a ruckus, had never let these guys bug him or get in his way. Now when he was just months from getting out of here, his life within these walls had become a daily trial. He had to keep himself from lashing out at anyone here. He had to try and keep his cool. ‘You’re almost out of here, don’t fuck it up now.’ He told himself. “Maybe I have. It’s sure as fuck more than what you get in your life.” Brian said with a smirk, realizing that all of his talk about not fighting back went to the wayside. “Fuck you, Kinney.” The cadet stated as he pushed Brian slightly. Brian caught himself before he went tumbling down the steps. Thankfully he had good enough balance to keep from falling, but it had been enough to send his blood boiling. “What I do on my down time, is none of your fucking business. As long as I don’t have my dick up your ass, I’m not bothering you. So for the last time, Get. The. Fuck. Out. Of. My. Way.” Brian calmly told the men as he finally pushed past them. He had to get to his room before he really did deck one of them and send them down the steps. “What’s this?” Chris asked as he reached out for Brian’s arm, stopping Brian from making it any further. “Got some rich fuck to buy you presents? Where did you go? Did your sugar daddy take you on a trip?” Chris mocked in a child-like voice. “Kinney’s got a sugar daddy.” “Ahhh. Do you let him fuck you?” “Figures, I knew he was out for money.” “Probably the Admiral.” "Fuck off.” Brian yelled as he turned around, pulling his arm free of Chris’ grasp. Brian took a step toward the other man, and got right in his face. “Jealous? I bet you are, aren’t you?” Seeing the sudden fear that flashed in Chris’ eyes, brought an evil grin to Brian’s face. “Who and what I do, is none of yours, or anyone’s business. If you get in my face again… if you lay a fucking hand on me again, I will make you regret it. It may not be today, it may not even be while we are cadets, but I promise you I will make you pay. What’s yours will be mine, I will destroy you, and you won’t even see it coming.” “Is that a threat? I could have you kicked out of school for that.” Chris stated with a slight tremble of fear in his voice. “I don’t make threats, I make promises. Remember, I know the size of your dick, and I wasn’t impressed.” Brian said as he leaned in to whisper in Chris’ ear. “Remember, I heard you scream harder, faster, oh fuck yeah. I made you cum so hard you couldn’t sit down for a week. Fuck with me, or have your buddies fuck with me… I will tell them just how much of a nelly bottom you really are.” Pulling back, Brian looked at Chris with an evil look in his eye. He knew he had Chris right where he wanted him. Chris was so afraid of being discovered that he would do almost anything to keep Brian from talking, from telling people about their night together. “Remember that. Remember and make sure it happens. Cause as long as we’re ‘cool’,” Brian laughed. “As long as you leave what I do on my down time alone, and keep your mouth shut… mine will too.” With his promise delivered, Brian walked the final feet to his room. Once it was open, he threw his suitcase down on the floor, and fell on top of the bed. Already he missed Justin. Brian glanced down at the bracelet on his wrist and smiled. He could still feel the warmth of the sand beneath their bodies as they made love on the beach. He could still feel Justin surrounding him. But most of all he could look at the proof of Justin’s love for him all times of the day and know that someone out there gave a damn about him. The next day as Brian made his way to class, he had heard the comments about how dark he was, and the questions about where he had gone for break. Ignoring them, he would just move through the day and count the hours until he was back with Justin. Lucky for Chris, his little band left him alone. Brian was grateful that his jacket and shirt covered up the bracelet. There were just some things he wanted to keep private, and no one in that school needed to know anything about his special gift. No one needed to know about the special blond about 30 minutes away. 'Only four more months... a little over four months then I'm out of here. What they don't know won't hurt them? It's no ones' business but Justin's and mine.' He told himself. The only one he knew he would even consider telling was Lindsay and when she returned from Europe in April, he knew he would have a LOT of explaining to do. But for now, Brian was happy to keep his little blond away from the prying eyes and gossip of the Naval Academy. ~~~***~~~***~~~*** January 6, 2011 Justin, I know I told you this already, but I just have to say it here as well… You have made me the happiest man alive these past couple of weeks. You gave me my childhood, made it special for me again. I had never had a Christmas like that; well not as long as I can remember. I only wish I could repay you for half of the things you had given me. I want to be the man you deserve. Do you think I could? Do you think we could last? I hope so, I really do. I think for the first time in my life, I can look toward the future and not see sadness. You have brightened my life in a way I can never describe. I think when I told you I love you, it was the first time I had ever said those words to anyone. I hope you know what you mean to me. I hope I was able to tell you. I’m trying, Justin. I’m trying to be the man you deserve, the man who is worthy of the love you so willingly give. I will not be another Ethan for you. I want you to have the world. I still can’t believe I stood on the beach and yelled that! You bring out the child in me. See… you’re good for me. I hope that we can last a lifetime…no, a thousand lifetimes. Ah hell, and eternity. Who knows, maybe. Even if we don’t last, I know deep within my soul that you made me a better person. I have never felt this free, been this open before. I like it. I like the new me. I wonder what the guys here will think when I’m not around? Time will tell. But let me tell you this… I wouldn’t change a moment of it. I would cross the ocean to be with you. Love always, Brian. ~~~***~~~***~~~*** Valentine’s - Week – 2011 Brian shuffled nervously as he rifled through the cards at the Hallmark Store. None of them were right. None of them said what he wanted them to say. His bracelet caught the light and he smiled. It always made him smile. Sometimes standing at attention the weight of the bracelet would remind him of Justin and he would have to bite the inside of his cheek to remain stoically impassive in the proper manner while being reviewed. He smiled looking through the cards and then made himself stop in case the sales person thought he was some kind of an idiot. But fuck, Justin brought it out in him. There were times when he couldn’t imagine any life before he’d met the blond. And he knew he’d have no life if ever something should happen to him. Looking at the cards in defeat, Brian left the store. He wandered down the street aimlessly until in a small antique shop, something caught his attention. It was a music box, a tiny but perfectly rendered painting on the lid of what Brian had always perceived as Avalon. Unable to resist, he went inside. “Can I look at the music box in the window?” he asked the woman behind the counter. “Ahh, the Avalon one, it’s always been my favorite.” She replied. “The Avalon one?” “Yes, the painting is titled Avalon” she pointed out the tiny script. “I always thought it was a perfect rendition. Do you know the story of Avalon?” “Yes, I know it.” Brian held the small box in his hand enthralled with the perfection of it. It carefully opened it up and the tinkling notes of “Fair Thee Well My Own True Love” began to play. “It’s an old fashioned song,” the woman said. “But somehow suited to the box. It’s really only the chorus. It goes like this and she began to sing along with the small box.” Oh the sun is on the harbor, love And I wish I could remain For I know it will be a long, long time Till I see you again “There are more words than that of course. But these are the ones that go with the tune.” “Is the box very expensive?” Brian asked. He knew he had to have it for Justin. For while the words weren’t appropriate now, they would be soon when he left for SEAL training. Justin wouldn’t know the words, but he would. “Is it for your true love?” she asked. Brian hesitated, then looked her in her eye. “Yes, for Valentines Day.” “Why then I’m sure we’ll be able to find a price that suits us both.” She laughed with a laugh that said she once knew a love like his. Justin was also searching for something to give to Brian for Valentines Day. They had come a long way since that October day when they had met. He wasn’t sure what to give a man who by necessity needed to travel light. But surfing through the internet he had an idea. He only hoped he had enough time to get it done before the big day. ~~~***~~~***~~~*** Brian was leaving the dorm with his books in a backpack. He’d hidden Justin’s present in the trunk of his car the day he’d bought it. He knew better than to bring it into the snake pit where he lived. “Kinney, going to see your Valentine?” Brian turned at the sound of the voice, but there were a gang of six guys standing at the end of the hallway and he didn’t know for sure which one it was. They were relentless and he didn’t know if it was jealousy because he had someone or if they were just assholes in general. He was inclined to go with the latter. He glared at them all and turned around to head to his car. Continuing down the hall, he opened the heavy glass doors, he could see the reflection of the guys. Chris was winding up to throw something at him. Brian also could see that Chief Petty Officer Wardell was approaching. Smiling to himself he timed it perfectly, he stepped through the door just as the CPO stepped inside, only to have a bag of shit hit him in the face. Brian controlled his urge to laugh as he all but ran to the parking lot. Brian knew he’d pay for this later, but it was worth it now. Chris and his little band of merry men would be in deep shit, pun intended. Even though his car could barely keep up with traffic, Brian made it to Justin’s in good time. He was excited and nervous at the same time about his gift. “Hey Navy Boy, are you here to see me?” Justin shouted from the door of his home.” “Nope, any pretty boy blond will do.” Brian said with a grin. “Good, ‘cause I’m waiting for a hot Navy Boy who is my very bestest friend and only plays with me.” Brian feigned looking around. “I guess that would be me.” He said and pulled Justin off of his feet and twirled him around. “Happy Valentines Day pretty boy.” He whispered before kissing Justin soundly. “Do you have lots of studying to do tonight?” Justin asked. Their arms were around each other’s waists as they walked inside. “I made you your favorite Irish Stew for dinner.” He looked at Brian seductively “with biscuits”. “I was thinking more along the lines of some pretty blond boy ass.” Brian swatted Justin’s behind. “That’s dessert.” Justin smirked. “In that case, let’s eat.” The two of them continued their banter through dinner. When the plates were cleared away, Brian reached for his knapsack and pulled out Justin’s gift. “Happy Valentines Day Justin” he said nervously. Justin beamed at him. “I want to unwrap it in your study.” He grabbed Brian’s hand and led the way. Brian noticed the painting right away. “It’s a painting of Avalon and there we are.” Justin pointed to two figures holding hands. His voice got husky “And this is for you. I know that I won’t always be with you, your job will see to that. But when I’m away from you I’ll always paint this message to you in anything I do.” He pointed to the words that until that moment Brian thought were part of the painting, so intricately hidden were they in the foliage of the trees. Go deo mo tearmann “”It’s Gaelic for Forever My Avalon” Justin said. “Because you are and I want you to know that.” Brain felt a surge of emotions run through him as he stepped closer to the painting. He could see clearly the words speaking to him, letting him know that someone was there for him – loving him. His eyes took in the rest of the picture – slightly similar to the one on the music box, Brian knew which one was his favorite. “It’s beautiful.” He whispered, his voice catching in his throat. He looked closer at the two figures standing together in Avalon, and he knew that that was how he saw them. Together for all eternity. Thankfully, Justin saw them the same way. Turning around he wrapped Justin in his arms, and tenderly brushed his lips against his lover’s. He felt like he was home, where he belonged. “I love you, Justin Taylor.” Justin reached up with his empty hand and touched Brian’s cheek. “I love you, Brian Kinney.” Placing another kiss on Brian’s lips, Justin pulled back slightly and smiled up at his lover. “My turn.” He said with a smile. “I see how you are. Get a gift nearby and you forget everything else. I didn’t think that I could ever be turned down because of a gift.” Brian pouted. Justin laughed as he sat down in the chair and pulled on Brian’s hand to bring the other man’s lips once again to his own. “That’s for dessert, remember?” “Who needs the main course?” Brian breathed against Justin’s lips, trying to bring the blond’s attention to where he wanted it. “Later,” Justin replied pulling away and immediately ripping into his gift. Once the paper was set aside, he caught sight of one of the most beautiful music boxes he had ever seen. He knew that it was an antique; just by the way the box was made. Seeing another rendition of Avalon, Justin tried to keep the tears from falling. He was thrilled that they could share something like that, share a place – even imaginary – together. He knew he would need it in the coming years with Brian. And there would be years with Brian, if he had anything to say about it. To hell with anyone telling him any different. Carefully, he lifted the lid and the gentle song began to fill the room. “It’s beautiful. What is it?” he asked his lover. He knew he had never heard anything like this song before. It felt like it was reaching into his heart and entwining his soul with Brian’s. “It’s called 'Fair Thee Well My Own True Love’. I don’t know, it just seemed to fit.” Brian informed his lover. Brian felt Justin pull him down to him again, bringing their lips together in a passion filled kiss. Both knew that everything else would have to wait, it was time for dessert. ~~~***~~~***~~~*** 2011 Brian was heading down to Justin’s, thankful that the weekend had finally arrived. For some reason the heads of the school had determined that no one was to leave the school during the week, since three of the plebes were caught out after lights out, drunk off their asses. When the upper classmen complained, it was explained to them that they had to set an ‘example’ for the younger midshipmen, and that they were a team. When one screwed up they all did. So now for two weeks he had not been able to leave that hell except on weekends. Brian was grateful that it was coming up on the spring break period so he could actually spend some time with Justin. He had missed his lover over the past couple of weeks, having gotten used to their nightly meetings, and quiet dinners. About halfway to the house, Brian began to feel his car start to slow. “Ah come on… don’t fucking do this to me now.” He cursed as all power in the car shut down, and Brian had to try to pull the car off to the side of the road. “Piece of shit.” He tried to start the engine again, but nothing came… not even the sound of the starter trying to kick in. “Fuck!” Getting out of his car, Brian popped the hood and looked at the engine for any sign of trouble. After testing the tightness of some of the wires, and checking the fluids, Brian determined that it would take more than his knowledge to try and find out what was wrong. He hoped that it wasn’t too bad, since he knew he didn’t have a lot to spend on fixing the piece of crap. It only had to last two more months! Brian went around to the trunk and pulled out his overnight bag. He had to find a phone and call a wrecker. Then he would have to try and explain to Justin that their weekend might not even happen. “Fuck!” He cursed again, kicking the offensive bucket of bolts. “Just two more months!” Taking a deep breath, Brian started down the side of the road toward the closest exit. The next chance he got he would definitely have to look into a cheap cell phone. It wasn’t an expense he could really justify, but it had to be better than walking toward the closest gas station. Twenty minutes later, hot and even more pissed, Brian stepped up to the counter of the gas tenant. “Where’s your phones?” He asked, praying that it was inside out of the chilly air. The tenant pointed to the far corner of the shop, and Brian thanked her. Picking up the phone Brian dialed Justin’s home number knowing that the man was there since he had talked to him only an hour before. “Hello?” Justin answered, question evident in his voice. “Hey, it’s just me. I’m going to be a little late. Damn piece of shit car broke down and I have to try and get a wrecker out here to get it. I might not even make it tonight. I don’t know yet.” Brian explained hating every word that was uttered out of his mouth. “What? Where are you at?” Worry and fear apparent in Justin’s questions. Brian let out the angry breath, calming himself. The last thing he wanted was to get angry at Justin. It wasn’t Justin’s fault that his car broke down. “I’m at some damn gas station, half way between the Academy and your place. Look can you look up the number of a wrecker for me. These damn phones don’t come with a phone book.” Justin quickly moved about the house, trying to find his keys and wallet. “I’m on my way. We’ll call one when I get there.” “Justin…” Brian began, then realizing that it was worthless trying to argue with his lover. When Justin put his mind to something, you had better watch out. The man would latch on and never let go. “Fine. There’s a damn Waffle House next door to the station. I’ll be in there.” Brian told Justin which exit he was at, then hung up. Picking up his bag he walked across the parking lot and into the small restaurant. He really hated these places. The only thing this place was good for was when you were drunk out of your mind and needed a cup of coffee at four in the morning. At least that’s the way Brian felt. The food in there was full of grease and grime… no one could possibly survive if they ate there. Twenty minutes later, Brian spotted Justin walking into the building. Not waiting for the man to come in fully, Brian grabbed his bag, threw down a ten to cover the coffee and a generous tip, and headed in the direction of his lover. “It’s between this exit and the one north of here.” Brian told him, giving the man a smile as greeting. “Well let’s go, Navy boy.” Justin opened the door letting Brian walk out first. After throwing the bag into the trunk, Justin climbed into the driver’s seat of the Stingray, and stole a quick glance at Brian. Brian meanwhile, sat in the passenger seat with his head pressed against the window. He felt Justin’s hand push some stray hair off his forehead, silently asking him if he was okay. “I’m fine. It’s just a damn long walk in this weather. Plus I just put in $800.00 on that damn piece of shit.” Brian informed Justin feeling slightly pissed at himself for sounding like a cheapskate. He wished that he didn’t have to worry about money so much, that it didn’t matter to him, but he didn’t know what he could do to change it. At least not now. He knew that Justin didn’t care that he didn’t have money, but it still was upsetting. “Well who knows, it could be nothing. I mean, it only has to last what… two more months I think you said.” Justin said with a smile as he pulled his car out of the parking lot and headed north. “Besides walking is good for your health. Much better than running.” “Oh, is that why you won’t go running with me in the morning?” Brian laughed. Justin shrugged and shook his head. “No, I don’t run with you cause it’s too damn early in the morning to even consider being awake. You have to be a little crazy to do that every day.” Brian set his hand on top of Justin’s on the stick-shift. “Then I guess I’m a little crazy. I’m with you aren’t I? I think that constitutes as being certifiable.” Brian joked. Justin turned to look at Brian and tried to appear upset. Giving up he laughed at his lover. “Actually, brat, I think it’s the other way around. I’m the one who should be locked up.” “Time will tell, I’m sure. Maybe we both need to be locked up… hey, I know. They could lock us in the same cell, saves on space.” Brian replied raising his eyebrow in an obvious challenge. “Tight quarters, padded walls. Yeah, I can see the draw to that.” “You’re crazy.” Justin laughed, picturing the place. Brian was right… it did have its advantages. “I thought that’s what I just said.” ~~~***~~~***~~~*** “Mr. Kinney.” Came the call from the counter at the repair shop. Brian stood and walked up to the man and waited for the news about his car. When Justin had pulled up to the car on the side of the road, Brian had silently prayed that the car just might have been overheated and would start again. He knew it wouldn’t but he had hoped anyway. While he was looking the car over again, trying to see if he missed anything, Justin stood beside him waiting for the tow-truck. When the truck finally arrived not long after, the two men followed it to a small shop near Justin’s place. Brian had tried to talk to his lover about how crazy it was to have it towed all the way down there, but Justin reasoned that it was easier. His argument was that this way they didn’t have to come all the way back up during their weekend together, and all Brian had to do was pick up the car and be done with it. That’s where they found themselves the next morning – sitting in the repair shop waiting for some news on Brian’s car. “How bad?” Brian asked as he began to pull out his wallet, and trying to figure out his expenses for the next couple of months. He knew what he could live without, but he knew that his trips down here was something that he could not justify eliminating. To hell with the price of gas, he would pay whatever it took to make this trip. “Well, basically you need a whole new engine.” The man began and Brian cursed silently. He knew how much a new engine cost and thought he might be able to pull that off. The man went on to explain the other problems to the car, with it totally around a couple of grand. Brian knew there would be no way he could pay for that, not on the little pay he did get now. He would be paying on the car for five months at least! “Honestly, it’d be cheaper to just put that money toward another used car.” The man informed Brian. Brian ran his hand through his hair, wondering now how much another car would cost. “Fuck,” he cursed. “Thanks, Jim.” Justin smiled at the mechanic. “But I don’t think getting it fixed would be a good idea.” Brian only nodded. He gave the guy information on how to dispose of the car, and told him he would be back with the title. Shaking his head, Brian headed out toward Justin’s car. “I don’t need this shit now.” He said as he put his head down on the roof of the car. Justin walked up behind Brian and ran his hand across Brian’s back. “Why don’t you just take this car?” Justin proposed. “I’m not taking your car, Justin. I’ll try and go out this week and get another car.” Brian tried to explain to him. “Besides, you will need it to get around.” Justin shook his head. “Actually, I have other ways of getting around. I don’t live far from work, and everything is close by. You need a car, so take it. I insist.” Brian turned and looked at Justin, amazed at the trust that Justin was displaying. Brian wasn’t sure if he would be as willing to hand over his car in the same circumstances. However, looking into Justin’s eyes, Brian knew he would in a heartbeat. It still didn’t make his taking Justin’s car right. “No.” Justin handed Brian the keys, and climbed into the passenger seat. Once Brian moved around to the other side of the car and climbed in himself, Justin looked at his lover with a smile on his face. “I don’t know why you’re complaining. You know that this is an argument that I will win. So make it easier on yourself now and just say yes.” Brian turned in his seat and shook his head. Justin was brave, and never one who was afraid to say what was on his mind. Of course the blond was right. This was an argument that Brian knew he wouldn’t win. “We’ll talk about it.” “Just make sure you use premium gas in it.” Justin smirked as he looked out the window. He loved fighting with Brian, neither one was a loser in the end. They definitely kept each other in their toes, and their minds sharp. ~~~***~~~***~~~*** Brian had been trying to avoid everyone there at the academy for the past week. He knew that by now everyone knew about his ‘new car’, he just didn’t want to hear all the snide comments about him having a ‘sugar daddy’ and whatnot. He didn’t want to explain himself, not that he would. But the comments would be non-stop. “Hey Kinney,” One of the female cadets stated as she sat down next to him at mess. Jacobs was a young military brat, but Brian could actually get along with her. The two were constantly battling for the top position in their class. Luckily it was a friendly competition, unlike many of the others there. “Jacobs. How did you do on the Engineering test?” Brian asked as he glanced down at his plate. He hated eating the crap they served in the galley, only wanting the home-cooked meals that Justin provided him every night. Eating the Navy food only made him miss his lover even more. “I’m not sure. Michaels is a pain in the ass instructor. He’d fail us just in spite.” She answered as she dug into her food. She was another one who had to scrape by to survive. Her father had left her mother, and it wasn’t easy being a lonely enlisted personnel and caring for a small child on your own. Jacob, luckily, battled out of it, and worked hard to get into the Academy. Her views were similar to Brian’s in almost all subjects. Brian thought back to the test and the class which hopefully he didn’t have to retake. She was right about Michaels, the man would work hard to make everyone fail. Brian could, however, see where the man was coming from. He was trying to make his student the best around. “Kinney, where’d you get the car? Did your ‘daddy’ get it for you?” came a voice from the next table. “Assholes,” Jacob whispered, then turned in her chair to stare at the men at the next table. “Don’t you guys have anything better to do than try and get into a fight? For one, you should be working on trying not to fail out of school. We all know that you’re as dumb as a rock, and you’ll be lucky if they send you to Antarctica or Iceland for your duty station. Pushing paper, and going no where.” Brian hid his smirk behind his hand as he listened to this fiery red head lash out at the class bullies. “Secondly, we all know that Brian could kick your ass without even breaking a sweat. He’s more athletic, stronger, and definitely smarter than all of you combined. So you should be counting your blessings that he hasn’t wiped the floor with you.” “Jacob.” Brian said as he laid a hand on her arm. The last thing he wanted at that moment was to get into a fight there in the galley. If Jacob kept it up, he wouldn’t have any choice. “And lastly,” she continued without even acknowledging Brian’s warning look. “I don’t doubt that whoever his lover is… if he has one, would give him a car. Cause I can tell you boys, Brian has a better body, and I’m sure is a million times better in bed that I KNOW you boys are.” The other cadets at the surrounding tables began to laugh at Chris and his friends’ plight. “Besides, anyone … even my 3 year old nephew has a bigger dick than you.” “I’ll make you pay for that, Jacob. You too, Kinney.” Chris and his buddies left the galley surrounded by the laughter of everyone within. “You really shouldn’t have done that.” Brian told her as she turned her attention back to her meal. “I don’t need you trying to defend me. I can take care of myself. All you’re doing is causing problems for yourself. I just ignore them… you should to.” Jacob smiled, pleased with herself. “Please, I didn’t do that for you… okay not completely.” When she caught sight of Brian’s disbelieving looks she shrugged. “What, you think you’re the only one they bug? Not likely. They haven’t left me alone since the moment I stepped through those doors. That was for the past four years of hell they have been giving me. And everyone else here. It’s time to fight back.” She said with a smile. Brian only shook his head as he turned back to his own food. Luckily he had her on his side. He wouldn’t want to be on the receiving end of one of her fits. ~~~***~~~***~~~*** Easter 2011 It was Easter Sunday and the two of them had been up until all hours enjoying the spring weather outside on Justin’s patio in the hammock built for two that Justin had placed there. Brian could still remember Justin’s laughter as he tried to instruct the blond on the correct way of getting in and out of the thing. Insisting that as a Navy man he knew everything about hammocks and Justin equally insisting he was a Navy Boy and knew nothing. He had discovered making love in a double hammock was wonderful. Another first in the Kinney/Taylor list of firsts. Taking care not to wake Justin up he carefully rolled out of bed to get ready for his run and stepped on the edge of a hard basket. He peered down in the shadowed gloom of the early dawn and saw a small but gaily wrapped Easter basket. The card attached was hand made. This Easter Basket is for a very special Navy Boy Some Bunny Loves him very much. Brian sank to the floor by the bed, all thoughts of his run gone. He wiped his eyes. He had an Easter Basket. His whole childhood he’d wanted an Easter basket. It was a stupid thing to want and ridiculous in the Kinney household to even consider, but he’d wanted one. Only once had he asked and instead of a basket he’d gotten a black eye. Carefully he unwrapped the cellophane trying not to make too much noise. His tears were coming faster and faster as he exposed the dark chocolate rabbit and the decorated chocolate eggs with his name written on them in white icing along with hearts; some with JT heart BK – there were a few jelly beans and some yellow peeps --- and at the very bottom was a disc of chocolate with the words ‘made with love by JT bunny for his very own Navy Boy.’ The disc of chocolate did it. Brian began to sob, doing his best to make no noise, but soon loving arms wrapped around him and held him close while he cried away his childhood Easter memories and replaced them forever with his first Easter with Justin. Afterward, when the tears had disappeared and they had made gentle love on the king size bed. Justin snuggled in close to Brian. “Are you still mad at me because I bought another car?” he asked. “No, I wasn’t mad at you.” “You sure fake it good.” “I …. I don’t know how to explain it; I mean you gave me the Stingray for gawd sake. Gave it to me. That’s bordering on being my sugar daddy and trust me, I hear all about ‘my sugar daddy’ at the base." He remembered how Justin’s fingers had traced the base parking sticker on the window and how he’d smiled looking at it as if it was some kind of award. “You gave me your car and then went out and bought another one.” “Well, you would never have let me buy you one.” Justin reasoned. “And this one is better for me anyway, I can carry my paintings around in it easier.” He sat up on one elbow and grinned at Brian. "And you have to admit that you look amazingly hot driving the Stingray” “That’s true.” Brian admitted. “But don’t buy me stuff. You know how it makes me feel.” “Does it make you feel special? Does it make you feel loved? Does it make you feel like you have the best boyfriend in the whole wide world?” “I don’t need you to buy me things to feel like that. I just have to look at my bracelet or my ring or into my heart and I know that I have the best boyfriend in the whole wide world.” “I like to buy you things.” Justin kissed the end of Brian’s nose. “I have the money honey and I like to spend it on the man I love.” “Did I ever tell you how much of a brat you were pretty boy?” “Frequently” Justin kissed him again. “Now about your graduation, I’d like to have a few friends over for a small celebration. Daphne has been bugging me and so has Lindsay. Do you want to ask some of the guys at the base?” “What part of no party didn’t you grasp?” “I don’t understand the word no, now who should I ask from the base?” “I suppose if I don’t give in you’ll have all the bastards here.” He looked at Justin. “I really only have two people there I’d even consider associating with after hours. Not that I ever have, but that would be Jacobs and Bartlett.” “Do they have first names?” “Yeah, Cadet Jacobs and Cadet Bartlett.” “An amazing coincidence are they related?” Justin laughed. “Considering that Bartlett is black and Jacobs isn’t, I doubt they are related by blood.” “Why don’t you ask them? It’ll just be the girls and I and your two friends. Something small and intimate; think of it as practice for when you are an Admiral and need to entertain." ~~~***~~~***~~~*** 03 May 2011 Graduation if finally coming. Thank fucking God. I have just about had it with all the BS that goes on here. I’m sick and tired of having to deal with Chris and his little minions. I can’t wait to be done so that I can go on with my life. My life with you. Christ, who would have ever thought that I would be in this position? I sure as hell didn’t. I never thought I would be waiting to get out and have my two weeks before I have to report. I never thought that I would have anyone to share that time with. Maybe we can go away for the two weeks… who knows. You have been bugging me and nagging me, wanting to come to the graduation. You want to see me get my award, and see the pass-in-review. No matter how many times I try to explain to you that you can’t take a week off of work, that you don’t have to be there, you just dig your heals in and tell me you’ll be there. Truth be told, I’m not really upset either. I may pretend to be upset with you over this, but in reality I’m thrilled. I know, at least I sure as hell hope that my folks don’t show. I about had a heart attack when one of my instructors told me they were sending out the invitations to my family and friends back in Pittsburgh. I don’t want them there, but I know I don’t really have a choice. If they show, I guess I will just have to deal. The only thing that is going to make the whole graduation worth something is you being there. That is the only thing that I’m looking forward to. Yeah, I don’t want to have to share you with the rest of the class, I know Jacob wants to get her hands on you, but I think I can suffer through it. I know whose bed you’ll be in at night. Do you see what you have done to me? I don’t think I have ever had these thoughts before. I’m turning all soft and squishy inside. Ahhh. Scary thought. No, it’s not. I’m happy. Insanely happy. I don’t ever want to be without you. It’s you, Justin, who makes me who I am. You make me feel like I can conquer the world. You make me feel like I can be someone. And I love you for it. I only hope that I am giving you half as much as you give me. Anyway, I better start getting into my whites. It’s almost time for the ‘family and friends’ to arrive for the opening ceremony. I love you, Justin, My Avalon. Until the day I die. Brian ~~~***~~~***~~~*** Justin took his place in the stands with the rest of the family and friends of the cadets. He had arrived early to get the best seat possible. Justin glowed with pride he was so proud of Brian and all that he’d accomplished. There were moments he thought he burst out grinning and everyone would think he was nuts. Still a smile stayed on his lips as he waited for the man he loved to appear. Brian stood beside his two friends in formation, waiting for the signal to start the possession. This was it… the time was finally there. They were graduating and getting the hell out of there. Brian wished he could see if Justin had made it in okay, but knew trying to find one person in the thousands sitting in the stands at least 50 feet from where they would march past would be impossible. The Navy band was playing ‘Stars and Stripes’ while the rifle drill team performed. Brian tried not to move as the future graduates waited. Unlocking his knees slightly he suddenly wanted something to drink. It was an unbelievably warm day for the first part of May, and standing there not allowed to move was killing Brian. Stealing a quick glance over to Jacob and Bartlett, he could see that they were in the same situation as he himself was. Finally they heard the signal that they had all been waiting for. The announcement of the graduating class of 2011 came over the mic. They began to march, keeping in step by the beating of the drums. Once they were all lined up in rows of six deep in near the back of the field they were called to halt. Now Brian knew that they would have to stand there switching between parade rest and attention for the next hour. He remembered all the times that they had practiced this, and wanted it to be over. No one was expecting the large cannon at one end of the field firing. It was their salute to the graduates and their wishes for ‘fair seas’. Brian however was trying to calm his racing heart. Coming from behind them, Brian heard the roar of some fighter jets. Yet another salute to the graduates as the U.S. Navy Blue Angels flew over head. Brian tried not to laugh at all of the ‘well wishes’ they were getting. He was beginning to think that it was a serious overkill. Luckily he didn’t have time to worry about it as they were called to attention one last time by they sound of the bugle. It was time. That last couple of minutes before he could rush back into his dorm, change, and look for his lover. The formation began to move around the field, bringing their swords up in salute as they passed by the review stand. Brian saw the Chief of Naval Operations was in attendance as was the Secretary of the Navy. He hoped that they were perfect. He wanted the CNO and SECNAV to be pleased with this class. He wanted them to be proud of the young officers they were becoming. It meant a lot to Brian to know that their hard work was being recognized. Before they cleared the stage, Brian also caught sight of the Admiral whom he had talked to about joining the SEALs. Brian could make out a small smile on the Admiral face as he gave a salute in return to the young officers. Pleased that the Admiral was there to see him, Brian knew that this would be one of the best days of his life. Now the only thing that would make it better was seeing his boyfriend and sharing this with him. ~~~***~~~***~~~*** Justin found Brian immediately though he was so far away it was almost impossible to really know it was him. When the cannon sounded and the jets flew overhead and then the cadets marched past, Justin had to force back the tears that threatened to fall. He had never felt so proud of Brian. He saw the small exchange between Brian and the Admiral and he sighed with relief. Brian had someone of rank on his side. It would help him in his career. Justin certainly knew that much about the military. Despite what everyone did to earn their rank, having people in high places didn’t hurt. ~~~***~~~***~~~*** Brian walked out of his dorm and down the steps leading toward the parking lot. He had given Justin the visitor’s pass the night before so he hoped that his boyfriend didn’t have any problems getting in. He still couldn’t believe that Justin had given him the Stingray and bought a new car. The things that man did to him. Shaking his head he spotted Justin walking his way. With a smile on his face, Brian walked over and gave Justin a quick hug. He wanted to do more, but remembered where he was and what he was supposed to be doing. “You made it.” Brian stated. “Ready for the grand tour.” “Lead the way, Navy Boy.” Justin stated as he slid his arm into Brian’s. The two walked back toward Brian’s dorm. Justin listened intently as Brian would share little glimpses of his life within these walls. Places he used to hang out, pranks he used to pull. Justin laughed as Brian told him about the time Chris had hit the Master Chief with a bag of shit. “So where’s your room?” Brian lead Justin up the stairs, unlocking his door, he stepped aside as Justin got his first look at his place. Brian didn’t know why he was suddenly nervous, but he wanted Justin to like it. He watched as Justin made his rounds around the small one-man room, stopping to run his hand across the small models Brian had on his book shelf. “King Arthur?” Justin said with a smile as he glanced at the book titles on the shelf above the small desk. Justin picked up a frame that lay on the corner of Brian’s desk and smiled at his lover. It was a printout of the picture Justin had put on the laptop. The picture of him painting. “Even if I couldn’t have you here before now, you were.” Brian walked over and wrapped his arms around Justin pulling the other man against his chest. The two just stood there, taking comfort from each other. “So ready to see the rest of this hellhole?” “I don’t know.” Justin stated, turning around in Brian’s arms. Shaking his head, Justin pulled back trying to shake the sudden pictures of undressing Brian from his whites and having his way with him on the lone bed in the middle of the room. “I think we better go before we don’t ever leave.” Brian caught the look in Justin’s eyes and leaned down to kiss the full lips of his lover. “I think you’re right.” Brian led Justin out of the dorms and began to show him the rest of the base. They went into the Exchange, and Justin insisted on buying a ‘My Boyfriend’s in the Navy’ shirt. Brian could only shake his head at his boyfriend’s antics. He had to quickly get Justin out of there before he saw anything else he liked. The last thing he needed was Justin to get thing that he thought Brian would need. As the two made their way toward the reception hall for the ‘Welcome aboard’ meeting, Brian stopped in his tracks as he spotted someone walking toward them. “Fuck!” He cursed, wanting to flee as far away from there as he could. “What?” Justin asked suddenly worried about his lover’s change. “Brian?” Brian felt Justin’s hand on his arm, feeling the calming effect of his lover. Nodding in the direction of the people heading their way, Brian closed his eyes. “My folks.” Justin immediately turned his head and looked in the direction Brian was looking. “I didn’t think you invited them? How did they get here?” “One of my instructors thought it might be good to have my parents here. Since I’m the top of the class and everything. He thought that they might want to share this with me.” Brian laughed, the pain he was feeling making it fall short. “I really don’t need this shit. This is supposed to be a fun time. Now… fuck!” Justin wanted to comfort Brian, wanted to take his lover away before his ‘parents’ arrived. When he saw them in front of Brian he knew he was too late. “Mom, Dad. When did you get in?” Brian asked calmly, trying to keep the anger and disappointment out of his voice. “Brian. Why didn’t you tell us you were graduating?” The older woman asked her son. When she tried to reach out to hug Brian, the man stepped away from her so that her touch never reached him. “So Sonny Boy’s a Naval Officer.” Jack Kinney stated. Justin could tell that the other man’s voice was already slightly slurred. The man must have found the cocktail bar already. “Still don’t know why you would want to do something stupid like this. You should have stayed home and worked in the plant with me. It would be a hell of a lot better than having to wear something stupid like that.” Justin tried to step forward and say something, but Brian put his hand out to stop the blond. “Joan and Jack Kinney. I would like you to meet Justin Taylor. Justin these are my parents.” Justin only looked at the two, not sure what to say. He had an idea of what they had put their son through while he was growing up, and now they were trying to ruin this time for Brian. Justin knew that he wouldn’t let these two embarrass his lover, nor give this day any bad memories. He wanted Brian to look upon this day with happiness, not with the obvious pain that his parents would inevitably cause. “It’s a pleasure.” Justin stated resorting to his old ‘country club’ manners. He would not be the cause of any problems between the four. He would not be the reason this is ruined. “Who the hell are you?” Jack Kinney asked Justin, turning his full attention to the blond. “He’s my boyfriend.” Brian stated, then berated himself for even mentioning it. He had gotten so used to saying those words in referring to Justin that it hadn’t even occurred to him that he might have to ‘come out’ to his parents. He still hadn’t told them he was gay. Brian felt the fist connect with his jaw before he could get any further in his thoughts. “Don’t tell me you’re a fucking fairy. Not my son.” Jack Kinney yelled. ”Brian!” Joan Kinney yelled herself in shock. “Don’t joke about that sort of thing. You know what the bible states. How the church feels about…” Brian stood straight and tall as he looked over at his parents. “I know all about what the bible states, mom.” Brian began stressing the last word making it sound like poison. “But the thing is, I’m gay. I’ve always been gay, I will always be gay. And if I go to hell because of it, then I do. I don’t fucking care.” “Don’t speak to your mother like that, Sonny Boy. You mind your manners, and remember who raised you.” Jack scolded. ”But the thing is,” Brian continued completely ignoring his father’s words. “It’s not your life. It’s mine. I wrote the two of you off the moment I walked out of that house. I didn’t ask you here, and I don’t want you here. If you don’t like it, then leave. I could care less. But if you stay, you will treat Justin with the respect he deserves. You will never touch me again, Jack. Do you understand?” Brian asked. He didn’t wait around for an answer, just stormed off into the banquet hall. He didn’t want to be around the two people who were supposed to be his parents any longer. He would get his award, and graduate that night. Once he left that place he never was going to see them again. Justin’s eyes followed the stiff back of his lover. He wanted to run to him and offer his comfort and he would, but first he had to have a ‘chat’ with the Kinneys. He turned back to the two of them. Jack Kinney swaying slightly and Joan Kinney looking like someone had hit her in the face with a dead fish. Not even realizing the tone of voice he was using. A tone of voice that had been handed down by years of WASP country club upbringing when addressing scum, Justin began. His voice low he started. “Look, I have no idea why the two of you are here. You obviously don’t give a rat’s ass about Brian and from what I gather you never have. So if you think you’ll get any brownie points in heaven or that they’re handing out cash prizes here, you’ve both got another think coming. I’m going to give you two choices. You can stay and pretend that you don’t know who in hell you have graduating. Like maybe you just wandered in off the street. Or you can take this hundred bucks” he reached into his wallet. “And get the fuck out of here, go have lunch, go to the beach, but just go. Brian doesn’t want or need you here and neither to do I.” “You can’t talk to us like that.” Joan Kinney began. Jack was eyeing the hundred dollar bill. He snatched it from Justin’s hand. “Come on Joan, I saw a nice little restaurant with a bar not too far form here.” He grabbed her elbow and they walked away. Brian had almost reached the far side of the banquet hall. Justin ran to catch up with him. “Hey Navy Boy, wait for me.” He called out. Brian turned and smiled, Justin could do that to him every time. “Is some pretty blond boy calling my name?” he laughed. Justin kissed his cheek when he caught up with him. “Your parents have decided that they can’t stay, they have an urgent luncheon engagement.” “What did you do, give Jack some money?” Brian laughed and he laughed harder when he saw Justin’s flush. “You did, didn’t you, you brat.” “I don’t know what you’re talking about. Now Brian about the stuff at the commissary, are you sure there isn’t anything you’d like there?” ~~~***~~~***~~~*** end of chapter 3 ~~~***~~~***~~~***