Okay. This is the second to last chapter to "Bane of My Existence" I am planning a sequal, so no worries. I re-read the story after writing this chapter and found something funny. The "AN" for the first chapter I said this would be a short little funny fic... now its 10 chapters with a planned sequal :P. I didn't plan on that but I like this fic too much to let it go now. I hope you enjoy!
Brian sat in his car outside of Justin’s school, waiting for the bell to ring so he could take the boy home. It had been two weeks since Jennifer came home to find her son curled against his babysitter on the couch, both sleeping while the credits to “Yellow Submarine” rolled along the TV screen. Two weeks since the woman cornered Brian and warned him about how attached Justin was becoming to him. She said she was concerned for her son simply because he didn’t have many friends and she didn’t think it was wise to see Brian as anything more than a babysitter. Brian couldn’t help but agree.
Jennifer and Brian talked for more than an hour on the subject. The woman was nearly in tears by the end. She had said that she had tried talking to Justin about it but she couldn’t seem to get him to understand. She asked Brian to talk to Justin for her, and make the boy understand that he wasn’t going to be in his life forever… and that he needed some more ‘appropriate’ friends. Brian agreed to that too, and even thought he wouldn’t use those words exactly he would make sure the message got to his little Sunshine.
Brian growled. “His little Sunshine” he shook his head. Justin isn’t ‘his’ little anything and he’d have to make Justin see that as well.
Brian was brought out of his thoughts by the bell chiming, and soon hordes of young students spilled out of the school. He couldn’t see Justin anywhere in the mass of kids but soon spotted Daphne’s bushy brown hair. Not long after he saw Justin’s shock of blonde hair follow and a slightly taller boy Brian recognized as “Chris”. The two boys were talking animatedly about something while Daphne strolled alongside them with a bored expression on her face. Brian wasn’t sure about the feeling he got about Chris, the boy didn’t set well with him. The brunette man tried to ignore the feeling as Justin spotted his car and jogged his way over, opened the passenger door and hopped in.
“Hey Brian!” he chirped happily. Brian nodded to the boy. All thoughts of talking to Justin about what his mother said gone, Brian had the sudden urge to ask about Chris.
“I thought you hated him.” he stated. Justin looked at him, obviously confused. “That boy you were talking to…” he elaborated and Justin blushed.
“Not anymore, we made a truce.” the boy said, trying to hide his blush. That didn’t go unnoticed by Brian.
“You like him?” he asked, not entirely sure what he was doing.
“Well duh, I wouldn’t hang out with him if I didn’t.” Justin said matter-of-factly while throwing Brian a cheeky smile.
“You know what I mean Justin…” Brian teased the boy and smiled when his blushed deepened.
“I don’t know, Brian… stop being weird.” Justin said looking out the window. As much as Brian wanted to deny “being weird” he couldn’t. He wasn’t sure why he was asking Justin, an eight year old boy, about his non existent love life. Brian shook his head, he had a hard time not treating Justin like… what, an adult? The man sighed as he pulled onto the familiar road on his way to Jennifer’s condo.
“I wanted to talk to you about something…” Brian said, and Justin looked at him with an odd expression.
“’Bout what?” Justin asked, giving the man his full attention.
Brian sighed and pulled over. Putting the car in park he turned to face Justin.
“I wanted to talk to you about… an internship I might get.” he rushed in, not really sure where he was going with it.
Justin looked confused.
“What’s that?” he asked, turning his head slightly in order to face Brian.
“It’s something that gives students an opportunity to work at various places in order to gain experience in that field.” Brian said, explaining the concept the best he could.
“Oh… well, did you get it?” the boy asked.
“I don’t know, but there is a very good chance that I will…” Brian said trailing off.
“That’s a good thing though, right?” Justin asked, obviously confused at how this had to do with him.
“It is… it’s very good. For me.” he said. Justin frowned. Brian jumped in before the blonde could speak.
“Ya see, Justin… if I get this than I will be very busy. Probably on call 24/7, hell I probably won’t even get paid for it.” he paused, not really sure how to put the next part. “I might not be able to watch you anymore…” Brian almost whispered the last part, but Justin heard it. The boy’s eyes widened.
“But… we’ll see each other right? I mean we’re friends, you said so yourself.” Justin said, almost panicked.
“Justin I’m…” Brian started but stopped himself, he wasn’t going to say sorry. He just had to tell Justin the truth, no bullshit. “I’m 20 Justin, you’re eight. We can’t be friends.” he said bluntly. Brian had to look away when the tears welt up in the blondes eyes.
“But you said! You said we were friends! You said I could talk to you and that you wouldn’t leave me alone!” Justin yelled almost in hysterics. “You said we were friends…” he said a little quieter. Brian could almost hear the boy’s heart breaking.
“I said I’d be there AS a babysitter. If this happens then I won’t be anymore… that’s just the way it is Justin.” Brian said, chancing a look at the boy next to him. Tears were rolling down the boy’s eyes.
“That’s not what you said…” Justin whispered.
“It doesn’t matter,” Brian began “you need friends your own age. You need to talk to Daphne or Chris, they’re your friends… I’m not.” he finished. He looked over at the blonde who was now glaring at him.
“I hate you!” he yelled before opening the car door and taking off down the side walk in the opposite direction of Jennifer’s condo.
“Shit!” Brian exclaimed jumping out of the car and taking off after the boy who was quickly disappearing down the street they had just come from. Brian stopped and looked back to his car, wondering if he should take it. He shook his head and decided to go after him on foot.
~~~~~
An hour past and Brian was still walking around looking for Justin. He had no idea the boy was so fast, he outran Brian with no problem and disappeared seemingly into thin air. Brian didn’t even know where to start. He thought of finding a payphone and calling Jennifer but quickly dismissed it. He had another three or four hours before Jennifer would be getting home. He’d be able to find Justin by then… he hoped.
He saw a park about a block away from where was standing and started jogging towards it, hoping to whatever god was up there that the boy was there. He didn’t want to think about what would happen if he couldn’t find Justin. What if he gets picked up by some creep? What if he gets hurt and nobody’s around? Brian tried to get the thoughts out of his head as he started to run towards the empty looking park.
‘This is my fault.’ he thought glumly as he came to a halt at the park. He started to walk over the dying grass and looked around for Justin. An unbelievable flood of relief came over him as he spotted Justin sitting under a dead tree. Brian’s heart broke as the boy’s sobs reached his ears. He walked slowly towards the crying boy. He sat next to Justin who tried to get up and run again, but Brian grabbed him around his waist and pulled him into his lap. Justin struggled for a few minutes before sobs overtook his small body again, and he collapsed against Brian’s chest.
“I hate you.” the boy whispered against his cotton white shirt. Brian sighed.
“I know.” he whispered back, holding the boy close glad the he had found him. He looked down at Justin’s face and frowned. He had blood running down his chin and some splattered on his school uniform.
“What happened?” Brian asked trying not to panic.
“I tripped and bit my tongue.” Justin said quietly, cheeks burning in embarrassment. Brian didn’t say anything as he reached in his pocket and pulled out a handkerchief, and started to wipe the blood from the boy’s face.
“You carry a hankie around?” the blonde asked through his quieting sobs “Why?”
“’Cause I baby-sit a clumsy drama princess, that’s why.” Brian said ignoring the glare that was sent his way.
“Well you won’t have to worry about that much longer, now will you?” Justin quipped while wiggling out of Brian’s lap and sitting against the tree facing away from the shocked brunette.
“Justin-” Brian began but Justin interrupted him.
“Save it, Brain. You lied to me. Just like every one else… just like my Dad.” Justin said quietly. Brian sighed.
“I… I wasn’t thinking, okay Justin?” he tried to reason “I wasn’t lying about wanting to listen to you, and I wasn’t lying about liking you either, but its not right okay? It’s just… It’s just not right.” Brian said while turning the boy around so he could look at him.
“I don’t expect you to understand,” he continued “but you will. What’s happening between us is not normal Justin, its wrong.”
“What’s happening?” Justin asked while wiping his eyes “I don’t understand how being friends with you is wrong. I don’t care if you’re older than me…”
“Twelve years Justin. I’m twelve years older than you. You’re eight and I can’t seem to stop treating you like an adult. I’m… afraid Justin. I’m afraid I’m going to hurt you. Not now, but in the future when you’re confused as to why you don’t have any friends your age or angry that you started acting like an adult at an age when you should have been acting like a kid. I don’t want you to hate me for treating you like you can handle it when you can’t. I’d rather you hate me now for pushing you away then hate me later ‘cause I held you too close. Do you understand?” Brain finished trying not to look in the boy’s tearful blue eyes.
“But you’re not! You’re not hurting me… you’re the only one who understands me…” Justin whispered and Brian snorted.
“You’re eight Justin, what’s to understand?” he said and winced at how harsh that sounded. Justin lowered his head as another dry sob escaped his throat.
“I know you think it’s unfair now… but you’ll thank me in the future, I know you will.” Brian said quietly as he reached for Justin. He was surprised when the boy hugged him tightly and buried his head in Brian’s neck. He wrapped his arms around Justin and picked the boy up. He began walking towards where he believed his car to be.
Brian sighed when he heard Justin’s breathing even out and knew the boy had fallen asleep. Brian could only hope he was doing the right thing.
~~~~~
Brian drove home still thinking about Justin. After he got Justin home the boy didn’t talk to him at all. He simply went to his room, closed the door and locked it. He explained what had happened to Jennifer once she got home and although she seemed sad, she agreed that it was for the best. Brain assured her that he would call her to let her know if he had gotten the internship so she could start looking for a replacement right away. Brian sighed as he pulled up next to his apartment building and parked in his usual spot. Turning off the engine to his car he got out and made his way up to his apartment.
He sighed in relief when he saw the Lindsay and Melanie weren’t home. He tossed his keys on the counter before walking towards the couch and throwing himself on the soft cushions.
~~~~~
The next morning Brian sat in his business class, waiting for dismissal. As much as he didn’t want to see Justin today, he knew he had to pick the boy up. He strongly believed in “out of sight, out of mind” but the concept didn’t work very well when he had to see the source of his angst everyday. When he heard his professor tell them the class was over he gingerly got up out of his seat and collected his stuff.
“Mr. Kinney?” he heard the old man call him and he sighed. He knew the man was about to give him news on the internship. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to hear it.
“Yes sir?” he answered back while slinging his backpack over his shoulder.
The man didn’t seem too overly pleased at what he was about to say. A small part of Brian hopped the man would tell him that he didn’t get the position so he’d have an excuse to not stop seeing Justin. He shook his head, knowing he would have to “break it off” with the boy anyhow.
“I’ve got some good news and some bad news…” the older man started “which would you like to hear first?” he asked while leaning on the desk next to Brian’s.
The brunette sighed.
“Give me the good news.” he said while plopping back down into his seat. His professor smiled a little.
“You got the internship.” he stated. Brian sighed in relief and smiled for the first time in the last few days.
He stopped and frowned.
“What’s the bad news?” Brian asked quietly.
“Well, the internship was not meant for the agency here in Pittsburg, it was meant for the just opened branch in New York.” he said and Brian’s eyes widened a little “It was a mistake on my part Brian, and I am very sorry that I didn’t catch that part of the deal.” he said sounding sincere.
“Why would Ryder be looking for interns for his agency in New York, in Pittsburg?” Brian asked after a few minutes of silence.
“Well, like I said, the in New York branch is new. Ryder grew up here in the Pitts… I guess he just wanted something a little more close to home.” he explained with an expression of pity on his face.
“So… It’s not going to happen?” Brian asked, his face falling slightly.
“Oh no! You’ve not the position, no doubt. You’re just going to have to make a few changes…”
“Like moving to New York?” Brian asked, slightly annoyed.
“…and transferring schools. IF you do this your student loan with follow you and for a little bit of a silver lining here… it’s a paid internship. Once again Brian, I am very sorry that I got you into this but I highly suggest you take it. Pittsburg, New York, Texas who cares? It’s a chance of a lifetime and will do wonders for your career.” his professor said and Brian had to agree. It would be a big change… but worth it in the end. “I know you want some time to think about it… I understand, but they need an answer soon, really soon. Here…” he continued as he took a note pad out of his brief case and started to write. He stopped and handed the paper to Brian “this is Marty Ryder’s number. Call him when you have an answer.” he said putting his pad away and pushing off from the desk.
Brian stared down at the number scrawled on the pale yellow sheet of paper.
“I know this is a big thing Brian, and a hell of a lot to ask for, but take my advice. Do it. You won’t regret it.” the older man said while laying a hand on Brian’s shoulder, before walking out of the room. He continued to stare at the paper for a few minutes before sighing and walking out of the room as well.
~~~~~
Justin sat on the steps to St. James Academy as he waited for Brian. He tried his best to fake sick that morning but was unsuccessful. As good as he was with lying; he couldn’t put anything past his mother… well almost anything anyway. He really wasn’t looking forward to seeing Brian and it somehow felt like it had in the beginning. The tension was back and so was Justin’s feeling towards the man. As much as he wanted to scream and cry and throw a tantrum for Brian to stay, a part of him just wanted the man to be gone. He sighed as he heard someone approaching from behind him.
“Hi Chris.” he deadpanned as the boy sat down next to him.
“How do you do that?” the slightly older boy asked.
“I’m magic.” Justin deadpanned again. Chris snorted.
“There’s no such thing as magic, stupid.” he replied. Justin gave him a calm look.
“That’s what we want you to think.”
“Who’s we?”
Justin chuckled.
“Us vampires and warlocks… dark creatures like us who feed on weak mortals like you in your sleep!” Justin said dramatically while he rolled his eyes back into his head and started chanting gibberish.
Chris cracked a smile.
“You’re such a-”
“’Freak Taylor’ I know.” Justin said as he put his head in his hands and sighed.
An awkward silence followed for a short while.
“Where’s that pedophile babysitter of yours?” Chris asked. Justin rolled his eyes.
“Don’t call him that.” Justin replied.
“Why not? You said that he was a jerk…”
“He’s a jerk, not a pedophile.” Justin said “Plus ever since you learned what that word means you use it all the time.” Justin continued “’Mrs. Harrison is a pedophile’” Justin did an impression of the other boy “’Mr. Abernathy is a pedophile.’ ‘Your dad is a pedophile.’ Not everyone is a pedophile Chris.” the blonde finished.
Chris huffed.
“Well where is your non-pedophile babysitter then?” he asked and Justin snorted at the other boy’s attempt at being funny.
“He’s late.” he replied and as soon as he did so a blue Gremlin came speeding down the street and came to a halt in front of the school. Justin stood up and sighed a little. He REALLY didn’t want to face Brian. He looked over at Chris almost forgetting the boy was there.
“You need a ride?” he asked and Chris shook his head and sneered at the car which held Brian.
“I’ll pass.” he said. Justin shrugged and walked slowly towards the vehicle. Once he approached it he opened the passenger door and paused before climbing into the car.
He closed the door and put on his seatbelt all while completely ignoring Brian.
“How was school?” Brian asked trying to sound nonchalant about it.
“Fine.” Justin answered shortly, still not looking at the man beside him. He heard Brian sigh.
“Listen Justin, I know you hate me-” he began but was cut off by the blonde.
“I don’t hate you Brian. Hate would imply that I feel anything for you.” Justin said and Brian stayed silent for a few moments.
“Yesterday would tell me otherwise.” Brian said, trying not to sound hurt by the boy’s words.
“That was then. Now I realize that I was only clinging on to you because you showed me attention. Now that I’m able to see that, I’m also able to see that you were nothing but another babysitter trying to earn my trust so I wouldn’t try to get rid of you anymore.” Justin said. Brian started to argue but the boy but him off again.
“The only difference between you and the others is that you actually succeeded. That’s okay though… I don’t want anything to do with you either.” Justin finished.
The lack of emotion in the boy’s voice scared and hurt Brian. He knew he had messed up by giving the boy false promises. He shook his head and decided not to reply. Brian knew that there were some truth to what Justin was saying and he felt bad for it. He also knew that he would have to ignore the urge to correct him.
~~~~~
After Brian got home he went straight for the phone. He knew what he had to do. Pulling out the piece of paper his professor gave him that day and started dialing. He waited for a few rings before a tired sounding voice answered. Brian didn’t think about what time it was before he called and realized the Mr. Ryder was probably in bed by now but there was no going back now.
“Mr. Ryder, it’s… Brian Kinney.” he said hastily.
“Mr. Kinney, do you know what time it is?” he asked and Brian ignored to urge to tell the older man that it was only 9:30.
“Yes sir I do, but I needed to call you.” he said and a silence followed on the other end.
“Why?” the man asked. Brian tried not to chuckle.
“I was accepted for one of your internships in New York sir…” Brian said and heard the other man gasp.
“Oh yes, yes Mr. Kinney, how silly of me.” Ryder said sounding a lot more awake “What can I do for you?”
“Uh yes, I just wanted to let you know that…” he started but stopped. He thought about Michael, Lindsay and Debbie. The ones he would be leaving for ‘The Big Apple’. He thought about Emmett and Ted and even Melanie. He sighed.
He thought about the young blonde boy he would be leaving behind. The one who smiled at him so brightly that Brian would sometime’s wonder what he did to deserve such a look. He thought about how he would still be in contact with all of his friends while in New York except for Justin.
Brian knew he would have to let the boy go… it would be better for everyone.
‘I have to… for him.’ he thought and with that he straightened up a bit. He heard Mr. Ryder on the other end calling his name, asking if he was still there.
“Yes sir, uh, sorry about that. I wanted to let you know that I’d be honored to help with the Ryder agency in New York.” he said while trying to sound genuinely happy about it.
“Perfect!” Ryder replied “We’ll hammer out the details some other time, but now I would like to get some sleep.” the older man said while chuckling. The two said goodnight before hanging up. Brian dropped down into one of the bar chairs by the phone and sighed. He knew he had done the right thing, for himself and for Justin.
…So why did it feel like the man’s heart was breaking in two?