Melanie got home and found Lindsay coming down the stairs with her luggage.  She swallowed hard.  “What are you doing?”

“What does it look like?” Lindsay asked. 

Melanie looked around.  “Where is Abe?”

“He’s in his room,” Lindsay said.  “Don’t worry.  I won’t take him with me.  I’m not that cruel.”

Melanie sighed with relief.

“But I’m coming to see him from time to time,” Lindsay said, “He’s my son too.”

Melanie put her things in the sofa.  “Linds, I know we have been having trouble but...”

“Look,” Lindsay said.  “I can’t do this anymore.  I tried my best.”

“That’s it?” Melanie asked.  “You’re just going to give up?”

“Don’t blame me for it,” Lindsay said.  “Your job was more important than us.”

“That’s not true, Linds,” Melanie yelled.

“It is!” Lindsay told her.

Melanie took a step back and let Lindsay go by.  They had been having the same argument over and over again with no winner and no resolution.  Both women were tired of fighting, tired of pretending but most of all too tired to continue on.  Lindsay didn’t want to face a failed marriage.  She knew her parents were going to offer little support.  They would only say ‘we told you so’.  Mel was afraid all their bickering would start to hurt Abe.  Both women were afraid that too many angry words had been said and there was too much hurt to forget.

“Lindsay,” Melanie said. “If you go out that door don’t bother to come back.”

Lindsay stopped as her shoulders sagged.  She looked back.  “I’m sorry.”

Melanie looked away.  She heard the door open and then close again.  When she looked Lindsay was no longer there.  She fell to her knees and started crying.  It couldn’t be that it was over, that Lindsay had just given up.  It felt like a really bad nightmare, hadn’t this family already been though enough.

***

“Hey,” Brian said knocking on the open door.

Justin looked at Brian a bit startled. He still couldn’t remember anything or anyone.

“I brought you your clothes,” Brian told him and put a bag on the bed.  “Some of your things are there too like deodorant and your brush.”

Justin kept quiet, he was so afraid.  Justin was afraid of his unknown surroundings, afraid of never getting his memory back, but most of all afraid of the handsome stranger beside him.  He had spent hours trying to get his memory back.  He would have been happy remembering even a small fragment or piece of his former life but his efforts went unrewarded.  Justin felt empty, like a blank slate unwritten and fragile.  

“I brought different things so you can choose what you want,” Brian put his hands in his pockets.  

Justin sat in the bed and looked at the brunet.  He frowned and then stared at his hands not sure what he should say.

“Look,” Brian said.  “Today you’re going to come home.  I know that you don’t remember anything and I don’t know what to do.  I just want you to feel comfortable and safe.  Do you want to come home with me?”

Justin opened his mouth and stopped himself.  He didn’t know who he was or what he should want.  He wanted to trust his intuition and trust the gorgeous brunet before him.  He liked gazing into the beautiful hazel eyes.  Justin could easily lose himself in those eyes if he didn’t already feel so lost.

“What?” Brian asked.  He desperately didn’t want to say the wrong thing to Justin.  He was so grateful he was alive.  Brian was willing to do anything for the blond to regain his memory but he knew it wasn’t that easy.    Brian wanted Justin healed and whole, he missed his husband.  Brian was willing to wait the rest of his lifetime to help Justin in whatever he needed.  He knew their love was worth it, Justin was worth it.

“They told me that we were married,” Justin said.

Brian nodded slowly.

“Do I have to sleep in the bed with you?” Justin asked.

“No,” Brian said quickly.  He was slightly disappointed but trying to hide his emotions.  “We have a guest room.  I’ll stay there.”

Justin frowned.  “I could stay there.  I don’t want to be a bother.”

Brian smiled.  “You don’t change.”

“What do you mean?” Justin asked.

“You’re a good man, Justin,” Brian told him.  “You’re always watching out for other people, thinking of others and their needs before yourself.”

Justin smiled happy to learn something about himself.  It felt nice knowing he was love and a good person.  “I meant it.”

“I know you did,” Brian said.  “But I’ll stay in the guest room.”

Justin just nodded; he didn’t want to make the man angry.  He got down from the bed and grabbed the bag.  “I’ll go take a shower then.”

Brian gestured his consent and sat down to wait for his blond.  He already had signed for everything and talked to the doctor.  He had gone over all of Justin’s medications and requirements.  All they had to do was go home.

“I’m ready,” Justin said some time later as he came out of the hospital bathroom.

When Brian looked at him he could have cried.  Justin looked like he did every single day.  He looked untouched by any dreadful condition.  He got up and grabbed the bag away from Justin.  “Let’s go then.”

Justin followed Brian out of the hospital.  Justin was hesitant to face the outside world.  He didn’t know what was in store for him.  He gathered his courage each step propelling him into an unknown future.  What if I don’t like this man, Justin thought.  What if he beats me or is secretly some strange freak?  Justin had a million questions.  He had to stop before he worked himself into a panic attack or ran back into the hospital.  They climbed in the car and Brian drove away.

“Uh,” Justin said.

“What is it?” Brian asked turning the a/c down.

“What’s your name?” Justin asked.

“Brian,” he told him staring at the road.

“Well, Brian,” Justin said.  “Why are there so many car seats back there?”

“We have kids,” Brian told him.

“Oh,” Justin said.  “Am I going to see them?”

“Yeah,” Brian said.  “We have to stop at Debbie’s house first.  She made dinner for us.”

Justin nodded and just stared outside the window.  Justin continued to hope that something would look familiar.  That something would trigger a memory to his past.  He started to think about what Brian said, he had kids.  He had a whole family that he didn’t know about.  He was staring out of the window when they stopped, Justin eyes fixed on the house in front of him not knowing why they had stopped.

“We’re here,” Brian said.

“This is Debbie’s house?” Justin asked.

Brian nodded.  “We’ll leave quickly if you want.”

Justin took a deep breath and undid his seatbelt.  He got out of the car and got ready for what was to come.

***

“I’m sorry if I might be scaring you,” Jennifer said.  “It’s that I’m so happy that you’re okay.”

Justin nodded and accepted another hug from the woman that claimed to be his mother.  He hugged her back and felt her love reaching out to him.  He just couldn’t remember.  He saw all their desperate stares; they wanted him to remember almost more than he did.  Justin didn’t want to disappoint all of them for some reason.  But unfortunately he was not any closer to remembering a thing.

“I love you,” Craig said and hugged Justin.  “I’m here for you son.”

Justin nodded.  He looked back at all of them.  He had hugged each and all of them.  “It’s nice that you’re all here giving me your support.  I’m going to try to do my best to get better.”

“Papa!” Liam yelled.  “Up!”

Justin just stared at the boy.  

“Pick him up, Jus,” Brian told him.  “Go ahead.”

Justin did and the boy wrapped his little arms around his father. 

Liam sighed. “Daddy said you had a boo boo.  Are you better?!” Liam shrieked.

Justin smiled.  “I’m better.”

“Okay!” Debbie yelled.  “Let’s eat.”

Justin walked with Liam to the table.  “How many more kids do we have?”

“Four more,” Brian said.

“What?” Justin asked.  “Where are they?”

“Upstairs sleeping,” Brian said as he passed a plate with food to Justin. 

“Oh,” Justin said in disbelief.  He couldn’t believe they had five kids total.  Then he started getting desperate because he didn’t know how to be a dad.  Then it hit him full force, he didn’t know how to be a friend to them, or a son, or a husband, he didn’t even know how to be himself.  All these thought kept swirling in Justin’s mind as he tried to get through the family dinner.

“I’m going to eat with my Papa,” Liam said as he looked at Melanie.

Melanie smiled at him.  “That’s good honey.”

“So,” Debbie said.  “You’re going to stay with Brian?”

Justin nodded when he saw that she was looking at him.  Everyone else was eating and listening to him.

“You tell me if you need anything, honey,” Debbie said.

“You can count with any of us,” Jack said.

“Thanks,” Justin said.

“Eww,” Liam said taking a piece of chicken out of his mouth.  “Here.”

Justin arched a brow.

“Just eat it,” Brian muttered.

“He chewed it,” Justin pointed out in a low voice to Brian.

“You didn’t care before,” Brian said.  “Come on.”

Justin opened his mouth and Liam stuck the piece inside.  

“Papa,” Liam said smiling.

“Say thank you,” Brian said smiling.

“Thank you,” Justin said after he swallowed.

“Welcome,” Liam nodded with a big smile before he went to eat out of Justin’s plate.

When they were done they moved to the living room.  Justin stayed sitting at the table with Brian. Jennifer was helping Debbie clean the table.

“What is it?” Brian asked.

“I want to see my kids,” Justin told him.

“Okay,” Brian said getting up.

Justin tried to put Liam on the floor but the boy didn’t want to let go of him.  He just smiled and stayed with him in his arms.  Then they went up the stairs.

“Here we are,” Brian said.

“There are more than four here, Brian,” Justin pointed out. 

“I know,” Brian said.  “That one is Abe and the girl sleeping next to him is Vicky.”

“Okay,” Justin said.

“Abe is Ted and Melanie’s kid but he lives with Mel and Lindsay,” Brian said.

Justin nodded as he stored the information in his head.

“Vicky and Andrew,” Brian said pointing at one of the cribs.  “Are Chris and...Michael’s.”

“I didn’t meet a Michael,” Justin told him.

Brian took a deep breath.  “He was in the accident with us and he didn’t...”

“Oh,” Justin said understanding quickly what Brian wasn’t saying.  He could tell that it was affecting Brian a lot.  “Was he your friend?”

“We were best friends,” Brian told him moving to where his kids were sleeping.

“I’m sorry,” Justin told him.

Brian shook his head wanting to change the subject.  For Brian remembering Michael brought back too many nightmares of the accident and how close he came to losing Justin as well.  Brian took a deep breath and said, “Come close and see our children Justin.”

Justin walked slowly towards them.

“You have here before you Illona and Fiona and then you have Sheridan and Keefe,” Brian said.

“Wow,” Justin smiled.  “They’re beautiful.”

“I know,” Brian grinned.

“Wow,” Justin said smiling.  “These are my kids.”

“Yeah,” Brian told him.

“Wow,” Justin laughed.  “I...” he frowned getting sad.

“What?” Brian asked.

“I don’t remember them,” Justin gave Liam to Brian and moved away.  He left the room quickly.

Brian took a deep breath.  He looked at Liam who was giving his daddy a questioning face.  “It’s okay Liam, papa just needs a time out,” Brian said to comfort his son as much as he could.  But deep down Brian knew things were far from okay, it was going to be a hard long road.  

***

Debbie opened the door and smiled when she saw Emmett and Ted and a beautiful little girl.  “Guys.”

“Debbie,” Emmett hugged her and came inside.

Ted came inside holding Alicia.

“I haven’t seen you guys in quite a while,” Debbie picked the girl up.  “Who is this?”

“This is Alicia,” Emmett said.  “We have been so busy with everything that we didn’t have time to come around.”

“It’s okay,” Debbie said.  “Do you want a cookie honey?”

Alicia nodded eagerly.

Ted and Emmett smiled happy that Alicia was interacting so well with Debbie.  Frankly they were afraid that Debbie’s loud behavior would scare the shy girl.

“We’re so close to having her with us permanently, Debbie,” Emmett said.

“Yup,” Ted said.  

“We’re going to go visit Justin next,” Emmett smiled sadly.  “We know he can’t remember a thing still.  It’s horrible.”

“I know,” Debbie said sitting Alicia on the table with the cookie.  She sat down in the chair in front of the girl.

“It’s crazy,” Ted said.  “How is Brian dealing with it?”

“I don’t know honey,” Debbie said.  “He looks grateful that Justin is alive.  He will take Justin anyway he can get him, amnesia be damned.”

“I guess we have to thank god for that,” Emmett smiled. “I know they will be okay.  They love each other too much.  Justin will eventually remember that.”

“What if he doesn’t remember anything ever again?” Ted asked sitting down.

Debbie sighed not wanting to think about that.  She had faith that Justin was going to be okay.  

“Well,” Emmett said.  “We’ll learn to deal with it.  It’s still Justin.”

“Emmett is right,” Debbie said.  “How old is she?”

“Four,” Ted said smiling.  “She’s very smart.”

“Does she talk much?” Debbie asked.

“No,” Emmett said.  “We’re dealing with it.  She shut down with time because of disappointment and hurt.  She got to interact with a few families that wanted to adopt her but...something always happened and things never went through.”

Debbie kissed her on the forehead.  “Now she has a family.”

Ted and Emmett looked at each other and nodded.  They knew they had done the right thing.

***

Justin got up from the bed to go to the bathroom.  He hadn’t slept all that well.  He kept thinking that his life was a total mess.  He wondered why he couldn’t remember his family and he was scared that they would get tired and give up on him.

Once he used the bathroom he was going to go back to bed but stopped and looked at himself in the mirror.  He ran his hands over and over all around his face.  He sighed and touched his lips.  He didn’t recognize the man staring back at him.  

He would give anything to remember at least half of his life.  He knew everything around him like what a toothbrush was and it’s use.  He knew what a car was, kids, a family.  He just couldn’t remember his.

“Justin,” Brian knocked on the door.  “I need some help here.”

Justin opened the door and found Brian holding one of the boys and a girl.  

“Can you get Illona?” Brian asked.

“This one,” Justin said.

“No,” Brian said rolling his lips inside his mouth.  He stepped away so Justin could see Illona writing the carpet with a pen.

“Okay,” Justin walked over to her and picked her up.  Then he took the pen away from her.

“Thanks,” Brian said.  “Sheridan!”

“Huh?” Sheridan came walking to them.  

“What were you doing?” Brian asked putting Keefe and Fiona on the floor.  Both of them took off running, while Brian sighed and just let them go.

“Huh?” Sheridan lifted his arms and smiled at Brian.

“Don’t start,” Brian told him.

“Huh?” Sheridan repeated.

“Go get your shoes,” Brian told him.

“Huh?” Sheridan looked at Brian and smiled.

“Does he have problems?” Justin asked.

Brain looked at Justin and frowned.  “No.  He does that when we talk to him.  He just starts doing ‘huh, huh, huh’ like he doesn’t know what we’re telling him or like he can’t hear us.  We had him checked and he’s okay.”

“Oh,” Justin said and looked at Illona then she gave him a kiss.  “She kissed me,” he smiled.

“Yeah, she does that,” Brian grinned seeing Justin’s smile brightening the room.  “Sheridan, go get your bottle.”

Sheridan turned around and ran away.

“Where are the other ones?” Justin asked.

“Causing mischief in some corner of the house and waiting for us to find them,” Brian told him.

“You sound serious,” Justin told him.

“I am,” Brian confirmed.

“And we do this every single day?” Justin asked.

Brian nodded and grabbed the bottle that Keefe was giving him.  

“Juz,” Keefe demanded.

Brian went to get it.  “Sheridan! Where are you?”

“How do you know that’s not Sheridan?” Justin asked.

“I just do,” Brian said closing the bottle and giving it to Keefe.

Keefe took it and started drinking it immediately.  He was still a baby but he knew that if he left it lying around one of his sisters or brother would finish it for him.

“How can you tell them apart?” Justin asked.  “The boys look exactly the same, just like the girls.”

Brian smiled sadly.  “You taught me.”

Justin frowned and then put Illona on the floor.  “Uh, I’m going to take a shower.”

“Okay,” Brian told him and stood there helplessly.  He believed that slowly he was losing Justin all over again and there was nothing he could do about it.  He took a deep breath and knew he had to be patient.  If he took it slowly maybe Justin would come around.  He just had to go one step at the time.  He had too much to lose if he failed.