Justin and Brian walked to the gallery hand in hand. The brunet was happy that Justin was starting to come around but he was scared that Justin would pull away. He knew that one moment things were fine and the next the blond was backing away from him. “Guys,” Donald said when he saw Brian and Justin coming into the gallery. He knew they were coming because the brunet had called him. Justin’s boyfriend had explained everything of what had happened to him. The only thing he could be thankful for was Cameron’s dead. “Hey,” Justin said with a gigantic smile. “We came to get some of my work and I need to check on you guys.” “We’ve been behaving,” Donald assured the blond with a short laugh. “I’ve been meaning to call you thought.” “Why is that?” Justin asked as they all walked to his office. “Charles wants us to do something new with the gallery,” Donald explained. “He was talking about a whole new look.” Justin liked the idea of redoing the gallery. It would keep his mind busy and he so needed that. He frowned and turned to look at the brunet when Brian let go of his hand. “I’ll let you two talk business,” Brian said. “I’ll have a look around.” Justin bit his lower lip, his frown in place. He relaxed his shoulders and nodded slightly. “I won’t be long,” Justin said. Brian nodded and turned around. He wanted to give the two friends some time alone. “So, how are you doing?” Donald asked as they entered the office. Justin shrugged. “I’m fine,” he drawled as he looked at the office. He hadn’t been there in so long but it looked like Donald made sure it kept clean and organized. Donald walked over to hug Justin but the blond moved away. Justin frowned as he felt the man’s eyes on him. He wished he wasn’t such a scary cat. “I know what happened,” Donald informed him. He sighed not sure what he was supposed to say. “Brian talked to me. He told me to give you some space but I’m going crazy Justin. I want to know that you’re okay. Why are you pulling away like that?” Justin knew that Brian had probably told him half of the story. That he’d been attack but nothing about the rape. He turned to look at his friend. “I was…It’s hard.” Donald frowned. “Justin,” he said asking so much with only saying the blond’s name. Justin sniffed but he wouldn’t cry. “He raped me.” “Jesus fuck,” Donald yelled. “That mother fucker!” Justin walked over to his desk and started rearranging things. He slowly looked up at Donald not having anything to say. Suddenly he smiled from ear to ear. “He can’t hurt me anymore.” Donald wished he could go over to him and hug him. “Brian’s been treating you okay?” “He worries too much for me,” Justin answered. Donald nodded. “He loves you.” Justin shook his head. “Yeah,” he answered anyway. “I’m going to be okay, you know. I’m still here, in one piece.” “I’m sorry that it happened,” Donald said moving closer. “Me too,” Justin responded. “If you need anything you just have to tell me,” Donald assured him. “You’re a good friend,” Justin said smiling. “Thanks.” “You’re welcome,” Donald replied not sure what to do with himself. He buried his hands on his pockets. “Sit down,” Justin said as he sat down on his chair and pulled out a notepad. Donald smiled. “I have a few ideas of what to do with the place.” “I’m listening,” Justin assured him. About one hour later Brian was knocking on the door. When he came inside Justin and Donald were laughing at something. He was happy to see Justin like that. He sat at the edge of the desk looking at the sketches over Justin’s desk. “Got bored?” Donald asked. Brian grinned because he had. There was so much art he could take for one day. “What’s all this?” “Some ideas,” Justin responded. Donald got up and stretched. He came closer to Brian. “I could send for some food.” “Uh no,” Justin said getting up. “We have to go anyway. I’m going to come tomorrow thought.” Brian wondered if Justin was ready for that but stayed quiet. “Okay,” Donald said. Justin started picking everything and organizing it with Donald’s help. Brian got up from the desk and sat in one of the chairs in front of Justin’s desk. He could see that every time Donald came closer Justin would move away. He knew it was hard for Justin to have people come close to him. “Brian, we can go,” Justin informed the brunet. The man got up and the three of them walked to the exit. Brian grabbed Justin’s hand and the smaller man smiled. “I’ll see you guys,” Donald called to them. “Bye,” Justin told him. “If you guys need anything let me know, okay?” Donald said as he was about to leave. “Sure,” Brian replied. Donald watched them go and was happy that Justin had Brian now. He could see how much the brunet truly loved the blond. *** Brian groaned as he got up from the sofa. He stretched and then stopped the alarm clock. A few more days and he would have moved most of his bedroom into the living room. He went to the bedroom and Justin wasn’t there. He moved quickly to the bathroom and Justin was taking a shower. He was about to leave the blond alone when he realized that Justin wasn’t moving. “Justin?” The blond kept staring ahead. He wasn’t even aware that Brian was in there with him. Brian moved closer and opened the glass shower door. “Justin,” he whispered as he stepped inside. He didn’t think it twice when he pulled the blond to him. Justin looked up at Brian really slowly. “Brian.” “Are you okay?” Brian asked worried. He was racking his brain for an explanation. He knew the blond needed help but Justin had refused to talk to someone. He couldn’t force the younger man so he had left it alone but now he was regretting that decision. “Brian,” Justin repeated as he buried his head on the man’s chest. “Jesus,” Brian whispered as he caressed the blond’s head. “It’s okay.” “Oh god,” Justin said pulling away from the man. “I can’t do this.” Brian felt like a caged animal. He was completely useless at that moment and it was driving him wild. He tried to reach for the blond but Justin pushed him away. “Please don’t,” Justin begged. “Talk to me, Justin,” Brian said. He turned around and turned the knobs. “Let’s get out of here.” Justin wrapped his arms around himself. Brian got out and grabbed a towel for the blond. When he came back he gave it to him. “Come out here,” Brian told him. Justin sighed as he wrapped the towel around himself. Brian went into the bedroom and took off his wet clothes. He put on a pair of shorts and a wife beater. Then he went back to the bathroom where Justin was still inside the shower stall. “Justin,” Brian said. “What?” Justin asked. “Come out here,” the brunet told him. Justin looked at Brian and did what the man was telling him. Then with Brian walking in front they went into the bedroom. “Do you want to talk?” Brian asked as he helped the blond sit on the bed. Justin opened his mouth and frowned. “I don’t know.” “What happened?” Brian asked. “You went to take a shower, right?” “Yes,” Justin replied and his grip around the towel tightened. Brian nodded. “Then what happened?” Justin looked down at his lap. “I wanted to get clean,” the blond told him as the tears started to come out. “But I couldn’t.” Brian took a deep breath. “I’m so sorry, Justin,” the brunet said softly. “But you’re not dirty. You’re still the same beautiful man I met.” Justin shook his head. “It doesn’t feel like that, Brian.” Brian kneeled in front of the blond. “I’m here to help you. No matter how long it takes.” “It shouldn’t be like this,” Justin said. “When he...when he did it before I always told myself that I let him. And that made me feel like it had been my choice; like I was part of the decision.” Brian could only hold onto Justin’s hands. He was frozen in the spot. “It had never been this bad. I guess it was because I fought him this time,” Justin reasoned. Brian nodded. “Admitting it is hard, Justin. I guess it makes it real for you now and it’s hard to deal with it.” Justin nodded. “But you did the right thing, Justin,” Brian told him. “You know you did and it doesn’t matter how long it takes you to deal with this, Jus. I’m going to be here for you.” Justin put his hands on Brian’s face and smiled as tears fell down. “You know what the funny thing is?” “What’s that?” Brian asked. “I didn’t even do it for me,” Justin informed the older man. “It was for you.” Brian wasn’t sure he understood the blond. What the hell he had to do with anything, he wondered. “What do you mean, Justin?” “I shut down Brian,” the blond told him. “I did like I would do any other time he was…he was raping me,” Justin said shakily. Brian moved so that he was sitting next to Justin. He threw his arm around him giving him strength. “And I knew that if I didn’t fought him it would be over sooner,” Justin informed him as his tears fell. The older man wished with all his might that Cameron were alive so he could kill him slowly. “It would have ended like that,” Justin whispered. “What happened?” Brian asked. He hoped that if Justin talked about it that somehow it would help him. “He said he was going to hurt you,” Justin pointed out then he shook his head. “And I wasn’t going to let that happen. I wasn’t going to let that happen, Brian!” Brian pulled him into a hug. “How can you stand to touch me?” Justin asked. “Oh Justin,” Brian muttered. “How can I not?” “I feel so dirty, Brian,” Justin hissed. “I didn’t want him to touch me. I didn’t! I never wanted it!” “I know,” Brian assured him. “But it’s over. You’re here with me and everything is going to get better.” Justin pulled away. “He’s dead.” “Right,” Brian said not sure where Justin was getting at. “I shouldn’t be scared of him,” the blond said. “No, you shouldn’t,” Brian told him, but he knew that there was a part of Cameron that still lived in Justin and tormented him. And he wished he could take it out and make it vanish forever. “You know, when I stabbed him,” Justin said as he looked directly into Brian’s eyes. “I wanted to kill him, so I twisted the knife and yanked it out. I watched him bleed and it didn’t make me feel anything.” Brian sighed. “Does that make me a bad person?” Justin asked as his lips trembled. “It does not,” Brian assured him as he pulled the blond closer. “Let me hold you, please,” he whispered when the blond tensed up. They stayed sitting on the bed holding each other. Justin sighed and for the first time he truly felt safe in Brian’s arms. When Brian’s hands moved up and down his body he didn’t flinch at the touch, it was perfectly fine because he knew Brian wasn’t lying to him. The man didn’t think he was dirty. *** “Are you sure about this?” Brian asked. He didn’t want the blond being in his apartment. “Yes, Brian,” Justin told him. “I need to pick some clothes you know.” Brian knew that eventually Justin would be moving back to his home. But he didn’t want that to happen. He wanted to keep the blond with him forever. Not that he was going to tell that to Justin. “We can have someone do this, you know,” the older man said as he entered Justin’s apartment. “I can do it.” “It’s okay,” Justin assured him. Brian nodded and the two of them walked to Justin’s bedroom. Justin looked around and frowned. He remembered the many times he was there with Cameron. “Don’t think about him and you in here,” Brian said as he came behind the blond. “Think of you and me.” Justin nodded and a smile crept over him. “Okay, I have my luggage under the bed.” Brian reached for it and opened two of the bags. Between the two of them they got all of Justin’s clothes pretty quickly. Justin had protested all the time that he didn’t needed so many things but Brian kept insisting they take everything, so Justin gave up and did. Brian grabbed one of the bags and saw when Justin took the other one. The two of them walked to the entrance and put them there. Justin started walking to the kitchen and stopped. Brian watched him not sure if it was a good thing or not. He took a few steps closer to the blond and stopped. Justin walked inside the kitchen and looked around. He wrapped his arms around himself. The memories of what had happened assaulted him. “No, no, no, no,” he started repeating. “No, no, no.” Brian stepped closer. “Justin?” Then Justin started reaching for the stuff that he could get his hands on. He threw them hard against the floor and then wall. He grabbed plates and cups and utensils and threw them in every direction. Brian let him get it all out. Justin was so full of rage. He wanted to get his hand on Cameron again and be strong enough to beat him up. Justin fell on his knees and he screamed in agony. Brian quickly went to him and hugged him. “It’s all so wrong!” Justin yelled and pulled away from Brian. He started punching the fridge and didn’t feel the pain in his fists, the pain in his heart was far to greater. Brian pulled him back and hugged him tightly not letting go of the smaller man. The blond was really strong and he almost fell back but he held on tight. “Shhh is over. It’s all over.” Justin turned around and hugged Brian. He cried out in pain for what had happened. He was shaking as Brian held him. He was so happy that the brunet was there to hold him when he felt like he was going to fall. He put his hands on Brian’s face making the taller man stare at him. “I want to go.” Brian nodded. “I’ll take you home, Justin.” Justin hugged Brian tightly. His head rested on top of Brian’s chest. “It’s okay,” Brian said and held Justin caressing his hair to sooth his lover. The younger man pulled back and cleaned his face. He gave Brian a big smile. “God, I’m such a drama queen.” “Princess,” Brian said sweetly making the blond laugh. “Let’s get out of here,” Justin told him. Brian nodded and they got up. Hand in hand they walked to the living room. Then Justin stopped and looked towards his studio. “What is it?” Brian asked him. “I don’t want anything from here,” Justin told him suddenly. “What?” Brian asked taken aback. “I want to get rid of this place,” Justin informed him. “I am done with it.” “Are you sure?” Brian asked. “Yes,” Justin informed him. Brian nodded. “Okay,” he said and looked at the blond with a raised brow as Justin kept staring at the studio. “I mean,” Justin said and took a deep breath. He walked over to his studio with the brunet hot on his heels. Brian stood by the door. “I could save this,” Justin whispered. “He never was here.” Brian made a mental note to send someone to pick Justin’s paintings and things from his studio. He wasn’t going to let the blond put foot on the apartment ever again. The blond crossed his arms around himself. He looked at the many paintings he had in there. “I’m not running away. I know I’m stronger than that but...he used to live here with me as well and I don’t want that. He tainted every happy memory that could have survived. There is nothing here for me.” “I understand,” Brian said as he came behind the blond. Justin froze up for a second before he let the brunet embrace him. Brian hated that Justin still did that but he knew things would get better. “Let’s go,” Justin said. “Yeah,” Brian muttered. “Let’s go home.” Justin interlaced his fingers with Brian’s and they walked out of the studio. They grabbed his bags with his clothes and were out of there. *** Brian opened the door and smiled at Craig, Jennifer and who he was sure was Molly. Justin had talked about the girl once or twice. “Hi,” he said. “Hello, Brian,” Jennifer said taking a step forward and kissing the man on the cheek. “Come on in, please,” Brian told them. Craig shook hands with the brunet. “This is Justin’s sister, Molly.” “Hello there,” Brian said. Molly smiled at him. “Are you Justin’s boyfriend?” Brian grinned. “Yeah,” he replied. Craig chucked and shook his head. “I’m sorry about that.” “It’s okay,” Brian assured him as he closed the door. “Mom,” Justin said as he came out of the bedroom. He was wearing a pair of faded jeans with a really nice v-neck, gray sweater. “Are you guys ready then?” Craig asked. They were going out to have dinner. “Yeah,” Brian agreed. “Let me just get my things,” he said and disappeared to his bedroom. Justin kissed his mother and let her hug him. Molly hugged him around the waist and he smiled. “It’s been a while, brat.” “Don’t call me brat, stupid,” Molly said. “Molly,” Craig called her attention. “Sorry,” Molly whispered. “Okay,” Brian said coming out as he was slipping his wallet on his back pocket. He was dressed with black pants and a black sweater. He grabbed his jacket and then headed to the door. Jennifer had told him she wanted to pick them up and he agreed knowing that she only wanted to see where Justin was staying. He was okay with that. “Let’s go then,” Justin said walking to the door. Molly and Jennifer were right behind him. They took the stairs; Brian could hear them asking Justin how he was doing. Then he started setting the alarm while Craig waited for him outside. When he was done he stepped out and lock the door. “So,” Brian said knowing Craig wanted to say something. “It’s a nice place,” Craig pointed out. Brian nodded and stayed there still waiting. “Is he doing okay?” Craig asked. “And be honest please.” Brian sighed and for a moment he was going to say that Justin was fine but came clean. “He’s doing better. He started going to work but sometimes he stays in bed all day. There are days when I try to touch him and he pulls away. It’s a constant battle to keep trying to pull ahead and when he falls we have to do it all over again.” Craig nodded and looked down. “He’s appetite is nowhere near what it used to be but at least he’s eating now,” Brian said. “He hasn’t painted in so long even thought I know he wants to.” Craig sighed not knowing that all of this was going on. “I know its hard for him, but he’s going to make it,” Brian said. “Justin is so strong.” Justin’s father nodded, he put his hand on Brian’s shoulder. “Thanks for taking care of him. Thanks for being there.” Brian nodded. “We should go.” Craig smiled and nodded. The two of them went down where Justin and everyone else were waiting. They got in the car and drove to the restaurant. Jennifer and Justin were talking all the way there. “This place is nice,” Molly said as she looked at her menu. “What are you getting Justin?” Brian laughed as Justin rolled his eyes. He was happy that Justin seemed to be having fun with his family. At first Justin had declined the invitation but when his mother had kept insisting he gave up. Brian had fun with them. They ate and they talked about what Justin had been up to, they even asked Brian what he’d been doing. “Can I have dessert?” Molly asked. “Sure,” Craig told her. “Me too,” Justin told them like a little kid. “You too Brian.” “No,” Brian said and shook his head. “Come on,” Justin said pouting. Then he gave Brian his puppy look and battled his eyelids slowly for effect. Brian groaned knowing he was going to give in. Jennifer laughed. “You know what I just remember?” “What?” Justin asked looking at his mother. “When you were little and it was summer you used to get so irritated because of the heat,” Jennifer related and everyone listened. “So you used to beg me to let you go out and play with the hose.” Justin smiled a bit; he didn’t remember that. “You were like three or four,” Jennifer said with a big smile in place. “And you would always end up butt naked in front of the neighbors pouring water all over yourself and anyone that came close.” “Mother,” Justin said sternly. “God, I can’t believe you.” All of them were laughing except Justin. “That look you just gave Brian was the same you used to give me,” Jennifer told him as she caressed Justin’s face. She could see her little boy in there. “Mom,” Justin protested. Brian smiled from ear to ear. The blond turned into a little kid when his mother was present. “That’s so true,” Molly said. “Mom has a picture and I’ve seen it. Justin’s butt naked.” “Molly!” Justin hissed. “Jeez.” Brian threw his head back and laughed. “Brian,” Justin complained. “Stop it all of you.” Brian leaned close and kissed the man on the cheek. “I bet he was adorable.” Justin blushed. “Stop it Brian.” Craig grabbed his wine and drank from it. He liked Brian so far and he could tell he was taking good care of his son. He wished the best for them. Brian grabbed Justin’s hand under the table. Justin smiled widely and Brian could have jumped with joy. This time the smile reached Justin’s eyes and it assured Brian that things would get better. *** Justin arrived at the loft with Daphne in tow. He wondered if Brian would be mad at him. He had been having such a good time with Daphne that he didn’t look at the time. He was surprise to find Brian there with the girls. “Hey,” Justin said. Brian walked over to him quickly. “You okay?” Justin nodded. “I was with Daphne and we were talking and we kind of just forgot about time.” Brian looked at Daphne and nodded. “I’m sorry I didn’t call you,” Justin told him. “It’s okay,” Brian assured him. “Hey Daph,” he said and leaned towards Daphne giving her a kiss on the cheek. “Maybe we should go,” Lindsay said. “We can talk about this later.” “My thoughts are not going to change,” Brian told them. “What’s going on?” Justin asked looking from the girls to Brian. “Brian is a total asshole,” Melanie hissed. She still was pissed. Justin frowned not liking what he was hearing. “He won’t agree to sign the rights over to me,” Mel told them. “So?” Justin asked. “If he’s going to have a kid with Lindsay he’s going to be the father.” “This doesn’t concern you,” Melanie spat out. “He’s my partner,” Brian pointed out. “I think it fucking does.” Melanie glared at the brunet. “Like I said we’ll talk about this later,” Lindsay told Brian as she grabbed her and Melanie’s things. “And I said it won’t change things,” Brian told her. Melanie scoffed. “Maybe this time you won’t have things your way.” “I don’t need you,” Brian said as he looked at them. “You kind of do,” Melanie told him as she walked to the entrance. “No,” Brian protested. “I don’t.” “Brain,” Justin said trying to calm the brunet down. “You do need me,” Lindsay said. “We kind of need each other.” “I’ll have the baby with Daphne then,” Brian said without thinking it over. Lindsay and Justin opened their mouths wide. Melanie was glaring daggers at the brunet and a part of her wanted to step up and just knock the brunet out. “Okay,” Daphne said and shrugged. “I don’t mind having a kid for you two.” “Daphne!” Justin hissed. “Don’t.” “What?” Daphne asked. “I think it’s a great idea.” “She’s a kid,” Lindsay pointed out. “She can’t be a mother.” “I’m not a kid thank you very much,” Daphne said. “Plus Brian and Justin are the ones that are going to take care of our baby, not me.” “Have you gone insane?” Melanie asked. “Leave a kid to Brian?” Daphne frowned as she looked at Brian. “Well, I happen to think he’s perfect for the job.” “He’s nothing but an asshole who only cares about himself,” Melanie told Daphne. “Shut up and get out,” Justin told her as he stepped in front of Melanie. “You don’t know shit about Brian. He’s the greatest man alive!” Lindsay was shocked to see Justin so worked over it. “He’s been there for me always,” Justin said as his eyes watered. “He cares about me and his friends. And if he were such an asshole he would just sign the papers never looking back. But he doesn’t because he’s scared that you will take this baby away from him and he wants to be part of his or her life.” Melanie crossed her arms. “So don’t come in here talking shit about Brian,” Justin told her. “Because you don’t know anything about him.” “And you do?” Melanie asked. “That’s it,” Brian said. “Out!” Lindsay went over to Melanie and grabbed her by the arm before they walked out. When Brian closed the door he looked at Daphne and Justin. “You guys hungry?” “Brian,” Justin said. “God, this is crazy.” “Are we really having this baby?” Daphne asked. “No,” Justin told her. Brian grinned. “Why not, Sunshine?” “Brian,” Justin complained. “Stop it. Don’t get any ideas in your head Daphne. He only said it to make them angry.” Daphne wondered if that was true, but left it there. “I should go home.” “Are you sure?” Justin asked. “Yeah,” Daphne said walking over to him and kissing him. Then she gave a kiss to Brian as well. “I’ll call you.” “Okay,” Justin whispered. Brian opened the door for her and watched her go. He closed and locked the place. Justin had walked to the bedroom and he went after the blond. Justin was taking off his clothes. Brian just stood there a few seconds enjoying the show. “Brian,” Justin said when he turned around. He quickly went to the bathroom and closed the door. Brian smirked and went to do some work. When Justin came out he went straight to bed. About an hour later he went and took a shower. When he came out Justin was still awake. “Aren’t you tired?” Brian asked. “A bit,” Justin told him. “You really shouldn’t have said that to the girls, Brian.” Brian shrugged. “I could so have a kid with Daphne.” “What for?” Justin asked sitting up in the bed. “I mean, why would you?” Brian shrugged. “To spite them?” Justin asked. Brian kept quiet then he turned to look at the blond. “I’m going to sleep.” Justin nodded as he watched him go. Then he sighed as he lay back down in the bed. He rolled around under the duvet and sighed. He sat up and opened one of the drawers that Brian had given him to put his stuff. He took out a shirt and put it on. Then he got back on the bed and bit his lower lip. “Brian,” he called out to the man. Brian opened his eyes and sighed. It had taken him a while to finally get comfortable on the sofa. He sat up and then got up before he walked towards the blond. “Justin?” “Do you want to…” the blond asked and stopped. “What?” Brian asked as he stood at the foot of the bed. “Justin what’s wrong?” The blond licked his lips. “I thought you might want to sleep in your bed.” Brain came closer to Justin. “Are you sure?” “Yeah,” Justin said as he pushed the duvet down. “Get in.” Brian was about to do so but stopped himself. He went to the living room and brought back his pillow and the alarm. Justin laughed as Brian fought to plug the alarm clock. “Brat,” Brian said and then finally sat on the bed. He got on his side and tried to relax but couldn’t. Having Justin so close to him was killing him. Justin reached for the duvet once again and threw it over them. “Night, Brian.” “Goodnight, Justin,” Brian replied. Then he felt Justin’s hand on his stomach and he smiled. He didn’t dared touch the blond. He was now sleeping close to his man and he wasn’t going to screw that up. The brunet closed his eyes and sleep claimed him. Then Justin was finally able to sleep.