“I’m not sure about this,” Justin told him.

The two of them were sitting in Dr. Jim Davidson office waiting to go talk to the man.  Daphne had convinced Brian to talk to Justin about it.  She told him that they needed help and frankly he thought so too.

Brian looked at the blond.  “We promised Daphne that we would come.”

Justin frowned as he looked around. “You can go alone.  I’m not doing this.”

“Justin,” Brian said softly.  “Let’s just try.”

Justin looked at Brian and didn’t think he could.  The brunet reached inside his pocket and took his pills out.  

“Can you get me some water?” Brian asked.  “No, open this.  I’ll get the water.”

Justin took the pills and took the cap off.  He grabbed two of them and gave them to Brian when the man sat next to him again.  He watched the brunet with a little smile before he closed the bottle and gave it back to the older man.

“Guys,” Anna said coming up to them.  She was the receptionist that had talked to them once they arrived there.  “Dr. Davidson is ready for you now.”

Brian and Justin got up and followed her into the therapist’s office. 

“Welcome,” Jim said.  “Please sit down.”

Brian and Justin sat down and the blond quickly grabbed the man’s hand.  He didn’t know what the hell he was doing there.  He had made up his mind that he wouldn’t go through with it. 

“Why don’t you start by telling me a bit of each of you,” Jim suggested. 

Brian cleared his throat and looked at the blond.  “Well, my name is Brian Kinney and I’m in advertising.”

“He’s the CEO of his company,” Justin said his voice full of pride.

Jim nodded and started writing down on his notepad.  He watched the two of them and knew that there was certain tension present; in Justin it showed the most.

“There isn’t much to say,” Brian muttered.

Justin gripped the brunet’s hand.  He didn’t want to talk at all to the stranger in front of him. 

“Justin,” Brian whispered.

“Okay,” Justin said taking a deep breath.  “My name is Justin Taylor and I’m twenty four years old.  I’m the supervisor of a gallery downtown.”

“He’s also a magnificent artist,” Brian added with a smile.

Jim noticed that both men were ready to point out each others proficiency happily.  

“I really don’t want to be here,” Justin said to them.

“Jus,” Brian said and sighed. 

“It’s okay Brian,” Jim said to the brunet.  “It’s perfectly fine.”

Justin frowned as he looked at the man in front of him.  “I don’t want to be here sharing my life with you.”

“Why not?” Jim asked.

“I don’t know you,” Justin replied. He started to brush off some imaginary lint from his black pants. 

“Then you don’t get to lose anything,” Jim said.  “You tell me what’s bothering you and if at the end of this session you still feel like you do now, then you don’t have to come back.”

Justin pulled his hands away from the brunet and started rubbing his hands together.  He looked at the door and frowned.

“What brings you here today?” Jim asked.

“Justin,” Brian whispered.  “Please.”

“You tell him,” Justin said.  “I can’t.”

Brian looked at the doctor.  “Can I do that?”

Jim nodded.  

The brunet wasn’t sure where to start.  “I met Justin about a year ago,” the brunet said.  “We never discussed this.”

Jim knew that the older man was talking to the blond and not him.  He just watched and stayed out of it.

“Do I tell him everything?” Brian asked in a low voice.

Justin shrugged.  “It’s up to you, Brian.”

Brian sighed and looked at Jim.  “Well,” he started again.  “About eleven months ago we met.  My friends and I made a bet…I’m…I don’t do boyfriends,” Brian said.  “I just fuck.”

Jim arched a brow.

“My friends made a bet that I couldn’t hold a boyfriend for a year.  Then I found Justin and I told him about the bet.  I hired him to be with me for that year,” Brian said.

Jim was writing as fast as he could.  He’d never heard anything like that before.  

“We tried to keep it strictly about business,” Brian told the shrink.  “But Justin couldn’t resist my good looks.”

Justin smiled at that.  “Oh please, you were the one that came after me.”

Brian grinned as he looked at the blond.  

“What happened after?” Jim asked.

“At first it was okay,” Justin commented.  “But then…I don’t know what’s been happening anymore.”

“You’ve developed feelings for each other,” Jim pointed out.

“I have,” Justin said looking away from Brian.

Brian leaned back.  “I don’t do relationships.”

“So you don’t care about Justin like he cares about you?” Jim asked.

“Whatever,” Brian said.  

Jim stared at Brian and nodded.  He wasn’t sure what to make of Brian’s words.  If he didn’t care about Justin they wouldn’t be there trying to talk their problems out.

“Anything else you want to add?” Jim asked.  He wanted to know what he was going to be working with.

“We’re not here because of that,” Brian said.  

Justin took a deep breath and let it out slowly.  His hand automatically searched for Brian’s.

“Why are you here?” Jim asked.

“Justin’s ex came around trying to get back with him,” Brian pointed out.  “He...”

“He threatened me,” Justin said looking towards the doctor’s desk and not at the man.  “I stayed with Brian for a few days but I made the mistake of going to my apartment.”

Brian stared at the floor and let Justin tell the man what had happened.

“He beat me and raped,” Justin said.  “I killed him.”

Jim looked from one man to the other.

“Jus,” Brian whispered.

“Now, I’m done,” Justin said getting up and flying out of there. 

Brian groaned and stood up as well.  “I’m…I’ll bring him back.”

“No,” Jim said getting up.  “Take him home and let him be.  Don’t bring up the issue.  Justin has a lot of anger in him.  You can’t push him to be here.  He has to come willingly.”

“How do I manage that?” Brian asked.

“Talk to him,” Jim told Brian. “It’s not going to be easy but you can do it.”

Brian let out a deep breath.  

“I’ll call you to make an appointment,” Jim said.  “That is, if you want my services.”

Brian assured him he did.  When he came out Justin was not in the waiting room.  He went out and found the blond leaned against the Jeep.  He walked to him and Justin ignored him and waited for Brian to open the door.  Brian didn’t talk to him either. They got in the car and drove home.  Both of them wondered if they were just pedaling back.

***

“Do you want a beer?” Brian asked once they entered Woody’s. 

“Sure,” he told him.  

Justin looked around and saw Emmett sitting at one of the tables.  He went and sat with the man.  

“Hey, Justin,” Emmett said smiling.  “How are you doing?”

“I’m okay,” Justin told him. “What are you doing here all alone?”

“I’m waiting for the guys,” Emmett informed him.  “We’re going to Babylon.  Do you and Brian want to come?”

Justin shrugged. 

Brian sat down in between the two friends and handed Justin his beer.  He had to watch how much Justin drank.  He didn’t want a repeat of the other night’s events.  

“I was telling Justin that the two of you should come to Babylon,” Emmett said.

“We’ll see,” Brian answered and took a sip of his whisky.

“Hey,” Michael said.  “I didn’t know you two were coming.”

Ben smiled at them.  

“Where is Ted?” Michael asked.

Emmett frowned.  Usually Ted was the first one to be at Woody’s.

“Maybe he’s with someone,” Justin pointed out.

Everyone looked at him before they laughed.

“That’s so bad,” Justin told them.  “You shouldn’t laugh at that.”

“You did,” Michael pointed out. 

Justin smirked.  “Shut up.”

Brian laughed and kissed the blond on his right temple.  Emmett shook his head as he called Ted.

“I’ll be right back,” Justin said getting up.

Michael looked at his friend and then towards Justin who was heading for the restroom.  He smiled at Ben before he followed the blond.  When he got there the blond was washing his face.

“Hey,” Michael said.

“Oh, hi,” Justin told him smiling. 

“Are you okay?” Michael asked.

Justin shrugged.  “I guess.”

“You guess,” Michael said.  “What kind of an answer is that?”

“The only one I have,” Justin replied.

Michael nodded slowly.  “So, how are things?”

“I don’t really want to talk about it,” Justin told him.

Michael frowned.  He’d seen how Justin had flinched after Brian had kissed him.  

Justin turned to leave but before he could Michael’s words stop him.  He turned around angry.  “What did you just said?”

“You heard me,” Michael told him.  “Don’t hurt him.”

“I would never…” Justin said and frowned.  “I wouldn’t.”

“I know Brian,” Michael said.  “He’s trying to be there for you.  He really is.  This has affected him too.”

“I’m the one that’s…this is hard for me,” Justin told him. 

“I know,” Michael assured him.  “For him too.”

Justin moved away to let a guy go by.  

“He loves you,” Michael told him.  “He’s in love with you.”

“You don’t know shit,” Justin hissed.

“Right,” Michael said smiling.  “Because he’s not my best friend; stupid me thinking I would have some insight into who he is.”

Justin sighed and looked at the floor.  “He really doesn’t.”

“I see the way he looks at you,” Michael told him.  “It’s so fucking great.”

“What?” Justin asked frowning.

“It’s just that…I’ve never seen Brian like that,” Michael said.  “I always wanted him to find someone and be happy.  And that’s you.”

“I’m nothing but damage goods,” Justin whispered.

“Oh, stop all the bullshit,” Michael told him.  “Stop trying to hide now.  You’re not some little weak kid that has to hide from the world.  You killed Cameron remember, you wanted to live.  You choose that.  So don’t fucking throw it away now.  I know it’s not easy.  He was a fucking bastard for all he did to you.  He deserved every bit of what he got and so much more.”

Justin’s eyes watered.

“You did it, Justin.  You alone,” Michael assured him.  “You crushed that man and now all you have to do is crush the memory of him.  Brian is there to help you this time.  Don’t push him away.”

Justin looked at Michael and raised a brow.  “Has Brian been talking to you?”

“He’s my best friend,” Michael pointed out.  He sighed and walked closer to the blond.  “He told me you didn’t want to accept help.  I think you should go see that doctor.”

“I can’t believe he told you,” Justin whispered.

“Yeah,” Michael said sadly.  “I wish he would say more.  He won’t tell me about how he feels.  You know how he is when he says or does something that might show he has a heart after all.  He closes up, pulls the walls up and takes out the big guns for anyone that might step too close to him.”

Justin smiled at that.  “He’s is like that.”

“I’m not telling you that you have to go and do this,” Michael said.  “I’m only saying that you should think about it.  Maybe is something you can do alone and then maybe is not.”

Justin wanted so much to be able to pull through all his problems.  “You might be right.”

Michael smiled.  “Come on, before they gather a search party for us.”

Justin walked out of the restroom with the man.  He had been scared and pissed at all the things that Michael was telling him but they were true.  He’d fought Cameron because he wanted to protect Brian and he wanted the man to leave him alone.  And yet he still had Cameron in his mind most of the time.  He hated the man.  Now he had to put on his glove and have one more fight.  He had to crush the Cameron in his mind.

“Hey,” Brian said kissing Justin’s cheek.  “Are you okay?”

Justin smiled and nodded.  “I think we should go to Babylon.”

“Are you sure?” Brian asked.

Justin kissed Brian on the lips.  “Yeah,” he answered.

Brian smiled at Justin from ear to ear.  Justin smiled back and then looked at Michael who was grinning at them.  He was going to try and do his best.  That’s all he could offer.

***

“We can’t do much if you don’t open up, Justin,” Jim told him. 

The therapist had been surprised when it was Justin that had called him.  He and Brian kept connection but each time he tried to give the brunet appointment the man told him that it wasn’t going to happen because the blond wasn’t up to it.  He was glad that Justin took a step towards progress by himself.

“I know,” Justin whispered.  “I just don’t feel like saying much.”

Jim nodded.  “Let’s try something.”

“What?” Justin asked.

“I’ll ask a few questions and you answer them,” Jim told him giving the blond a smile.  “Do you think that would work?”

“What if I don’t want to answer something?” Justin asked.

“You don’t have to then,” Jim assured him.

“Okay,” Justin agreed.

“So, let’s start with how are things with you,” Jim told him.  “How are you doing?”

Justin rolled his lips inside his mouth.  He shrugged and sighed.  “I’m okay or at least getting there.  I started going to work more regularly.”

“That’s good,” the therapist said.  “Do you get to work on your own?”

“Brian drops me off,” Justin explained.  “And he picks me up as well.”

“Do you think you could do it all by yourself?” Jim asked.

“Of course I can,” Justin assured him.

“Why don’t you?” Jim asked.

“Brian is really protective of me,” Justin told the doctor.

“Is that it?” Jim asked.

Justin stayed quiet and looked at the carpet.  He thought about it and knew that wasn’t all.  He knew that Brian was protective but if he told the brunet that he could get to work by himself Brian would back away.  “Maybe…I have…I don’t know.  This is my fault.”

“We’re not pointing fingers, Justin,” Jim told him. “Are you afraid of being alone in your own?”

Justin nodded.  “Sometimes I am, especially when there is a big crowd.  If Brian is not there with me…I freeze up,” he said slowly.  He cleared his throat and looked up at the doctor.  “My friend brought me here.  She’s really great,” the blond whispered as his eyes watered.  “I want to stop being afraid.”

Jim stopped writing and looked at the blond.  “Do you think that what happen with Cameron is what makes you afraid?”

“I wasn’t like this,” Justin assured him.  “I…oh god.”

Jim got up from his chair and walked to his desk.  He picked the box of tissue he had and went over to Justin.  Justin grabbed two and cleaned his tears.

“Thank you,” Justin told him.

Jim went back to his seat.  He put the box next to the table that was close to his chair.  He knew that making Justin go out on his own was a problem they would be working on. 

“Have you and Brian had sex yet?” Jim asked.

“No,” Justin said in a very low voice. “That’s…that’s why I’m here.”

“Is it?” Jim asked. 

Justin nodded.  “I want to be able to give myself to him because I know he wants me.  It’s not fair that he has to suffer.”

“I think is perfectly normal,” Jim told him.

“What?” Justin asked.

“You’re a couple,” Jim explained.  “If you hurt and he doesn’t there is something wrong with that picture.”

“So you think him not having sex with me is something he has to go through,” Justin says.

“I mean that you two are in pain,” Jim said.  “You two are going through a difficult time because of what happened to you.”

“But he…he doesn’t really have to,” Justin said.

“That’s the point,” Jim told him.  “He chooses to be there for you and when he sees you in pain he suffers.”

Justin frowned.  “He just needs someone to fuck.”

Jim made a few annotations. “So why doesn’t he?”

“I don’t know,” Justin told him.  “Maybe he is.”

“Or maybe he’s waiting for you,” Jim pointed out. 

“Yeah right,” Justin quipped.  “He wouldn’t do that.  He’s…he’s just a nice guy.  You heard him.  He’s not into relationships.”

“Brian can sit in that chair and tell me all he wants about no doing relationship,” Jim told him.  “I know when I’m being lied to.”

Justin looked up and smiled a bit.  “You really think so?”

Jim made a few more annotations.

Justin bit his lower lip.  “Do you think I’ll get better and be able to have sex with Brian?”

“Justin,” Jim said.  “We’re not here to help you have sex with Brian only.  There are many things that we have to work on.  You have to open up to me and tell me everything you’re feeling.  You have to talk about what happened to the last detail and what you were feeling.  I want you to think about this and let me know if you feel ready to do it.”

Justin took a deep breath.  He looked towards the doctor trying to think if he was up to talking about everything that happened.  If he was prepared to deal with his fears and confront them.  He didn’t think he could do it.  “I don’t know,” he answered.

Jim kept staring at the blond.

“But…I want to try,” he told the man. 

Jim gave Justin a reassuring smile.  They could work with that.

***

Brian and Justin were outside Debbie’s house.  They had come out to the back to have a cigarette.  Justin had his arms wrapped around the brunet and the taller man was happy.  Lately Justin had started to touch him more and kiss him from time to time.  

The door opened and Lindsay came out.  “Brian,” she said.

Brian groaned and turned his head to the side to look at her.  “What?”

“What are you guys doing?” Lindsay asked.

“Not much,” Brian answered.

“I thought we could talk,” Lindsay explained and then looked at the blond.  “In private.”

Justin was going to pull away when Brian held him there.

“You can say anything in front of Justin,” Brian told her.

Lindsay sighed.  “It’s important.”

“He will know either way,” Brian told her.

Lindsay kept quiet.

“I’m going to go,” Justin said. “I want to have a piece of pie. It’s okay.”

Brian nodded and let him go.  Then he turned to look at the blonde.  “What do you want?”

“I want us to stop fighting,” Lindsay said.  “I think we can come up with some kind of arrangement.”

“And what would that be?” Brian asked her as he threw the butt of the cigarette away.

Lindsay smiled and came closer. “We can have a paper saying that you will be allowed to visit our baby as many times as you want and…”

“If I have a kid with you,” Brian told her.  “Which I doubt it will happen, I’m not signing my rights away.”

Lindsay moved back and shook her head.  “It’s his fault, isn’t it?”

“Excuse me?” Brian asked taken aback.

“He’s the one filling your head with all kinds of stupid notions,” Lindsay spat out.

“Don’t put Justin in the middle,” Brian said.  “You’re the one that is acting all crazy.  Melanie has you against me.  Lindsay you were never like this.”

Lindsay shook her head.  “I have to think about my family.  She’s my family, Brian.”

“And Justin is mine,” Brian told her.

Lindsay stared at Brian like he was from another planet.  “You…you really love him.”

Brian rolled his eyes.  “I have to go.”

“Brian,” she said as she grabbed his arm.  “Think about this.”

“I’ll do it,” Brian assured her.  “But I’m not giving him up.”

Lindsay sighed and let him go.  “Then I guess there won’t be a baby.”

Brian stared at her and then went back inside.  He found Justin sitting next to Michael laughing about something.  He sat down next to his friend and smiled.

“Your boyfriend can eat for twenty people,” Michael said.

“Hey,” Justin protested.

“That’s his second serving and he was asking me if I wanted my piece,” Michael said.

Brian smirked.  “God, one day I’m going to be made fun of, aren’t I?”

“Why?” Justin asked as he got up to see if he could steal another piece.

“They will be like there goes Brian…he’s a god and his boyfriend the whale,” Brian mocked.

Justin opened his eyes wide.  Michael started laughing.

“Brian!” Justin yelled as he put the plate on the coffee table and jump on top of Brian.  “Take it back,” he said grabbing the brunet’s wrists.

“No way,” Brian said smirking.

“Take it back,” Justin said and bit Brian’s shoulder.

“Ah,” Brian yelled but laughed.

Michael moved away from them a bit to not get hit in all the commotion. 

“You’re going to take it back,” Justin growled.

“What are you two doing?” Debbie asked them.

Michael explained it to his mother.  Ted and Emmett who had been sitting across from them, were laughing.

“God, are they going to fuck here?” Melanie asked coming to see what was happening.  She had heard them talking as she sat on the kitchen talking to Deb and Vic but she hadn’t given them any importance until that moment.

Lindsay entered the house again.  She had been crying and it had taken her a while to calm down.  She started as Brian and Justin wrestling each other.  She rolled her eyes and went to sit in the kitchen table.

“Brian,” Justin said and sucked the brunet’s earlobe into his mouth.  Then he let go and smiled.  “Take it back.”

Brian wrapped one arm around Justin’s waist and got up with him before he dumped the blond on the sofa.  He was laughing as he moved away. 

“Whatever,” Justin said.  He looked at Debbie and smiled.  “I’m going to eat Brian’s cut of the pie.  He doesn’t want it.”

When Justin got up and walked to the kitchen Brian sat down with Michael. 

“You are so totally in love,” Michael said.

“You know that’s not true,” Brian told him.  “It’s appearances only.”

Michael threw his arm around the brunet and pulled him closer.  “Well, you’re not fooling me.”

Brian pulled back and glared.  “Shut up.”

“You love him, you love him,” Michael started to whisper close to Brian’s ear.

“I said shut the fuck up!” Brian said getting angry as he stood up.

Michael laughed and got up.  “I’m going to go.  Ben must be coming home by now.”

“Take his food with you,” Debbie called to him.

Michael went to the kitchen and opened the fridge.  He got the food his mother had separated for his partner and then closed the door. He looked at Lindsay who was frowning and his uncle who was smirking.  Then he looked at Brian who had the blond pressed against the counter.  The two of them were feeding each other pieces of the cherry pie.  He couldn’t help but smile.  He knew it might have started like a bet but his friend was crazy for Justin.

Brian looked at Michael and glared.  “Fuck you!”

Michael laughed and left.

“What was that all about?” Justin asked as he fed Brian some of the pie.

Brian opened his mouth and shook his head.  “It was nothing.”

“Okay,” Justin said.

“Are you ready to leave?” Brian asked when they were done.

Justin nodded and they said their goodbyes and left.  When they were outside Brian turned to Justin and pulled him close.  

“I was joking,” Brian muttered.  “You’re beautiful,” he said putting his hand on the blond’s chest.  “From head to toe and you will always be beautiful.”

Justin pulled Brian to him and kissed him hard.  Their tongues dueled for a few seconds and then the blond pulled away. The brunet swallowed and knew that was all he was getting.  But he couldn’t help but smile widely and interlaced his fingers with Justin as they walked to the car.