From Here And Back 
PART ONE


Brian sat in his office staring into space daydreaming, yes, who'd of ever thought Brian Kinney would be fantasizing about a trick who he shared one week with six months ago.

Amazing nights of fucking, the young man was really beautiful, and well, he was in Hawaii and there wasn't much in a Oahu that wasn't.

But truthfully, those nights were not only nights of good fucking, it was his partner, in bed of course, he had been a virgin blonde boy who had captivated him the second he saw him on the beach in front of the hotel, his small lithe body covered in white sun block to protect the creamy skin from the harmful rays that might damage what was confirmed later as the softest skin he'd ever touched.

Bright blue eyes shone his way with a smile that was brighter than the sun. He'd nearly choked on the turkey sandwich he was eating as the boy walked towards him and sat on the beach towels that were placed under an umbrella only a foot from his.

He tried to go back to the book he hadn't been reading since he'd started watching the boy swim in the crystal blue ocean. He looked so calm and serene.

At some point he'd remembered that you weren't supposed to go swimming alone. Even if there were others swimming near him the boy had definitely been alone. 

Brian was about to change that when the boy began to swim back to the beach.

Justin's heart was beating so fast when his wobbly legs finally made it to his pile of beach paraphernalia.

He had felt eyes burning into his skin the entire time he was in the water. When he got out and realized the stares were coming from the Greek god, whose tanned skin was glistening in the sunlight, green lustful eyes smiling though his perfect raspberry lips where forming the slightest 'o', he found himself giving the man a goofy grin as he sat down in the pallet beside him.

Justin tried to eat the sandwich he had brought in the cooler with him but he couldn't take more than a bite. His stomached was in knots trying not to look over at the man who was reading a book and eating a sandwich himself.

Yes, Justin Taylor, endless food disposal, was not able to eat a perfectly good whole wheat, no mayo turkey sandwich because now the man was giving him a questioning look with a tongue in cheek smirk that was making Justin blush through the layers of white coating on his skin and making him feel even more embarrassed because when the auburn haired man snaked his tongue out to wet his lips he felt a tightening in not only his chest but his groin. Perfectly visible in the clingy small red swim trunks that hugged his perfect body.

Justin was practically mortified and tried to shift his eyes away from the man's lips, but that sure as hell didn't help because now his eyes were running the length of Brian's neck, to his hard chest and browned nipples, to his abs and belly button, where just underneath a small trail of what had to be silky, brown hairs, that traveled down and disappeared behind the waistband of a snugly fitting and stylish pair of black swim trunks much like his own.

Brian was even more lost when he felt the boy's stare. And that was it. He put his sandwich down and tried to calm his nerves. “Do you want to go up to my room?"

Justin gave a small smile and started to pick his belongings. "Oh, god, this is it, you're going to do it! Oh, shit." He felt himself shiver and then he felt a sun warmed towel rap around him.

Brian could tell the kid was nervous. At the time it didn't even occur to him as to why he really was. I mean the boy was hot, no, he was perfect. His mussed up blonde locks of hair fell into his ocean blue eyes, causing Brian to go immediately hard. No, the kid had to know how hot he was. He probably had any little cabana boy on the Island he wanted, shit he had. But Brian knew that he was no fucking cabana boy, the blonde had probably just never had anyone as equally as perfect.

Brian's thoughts of Justin had invaded his mind so much that he'd decided to take off early from work and go see his son. He was not going to get any work done at Kinnetik the rest of the day any way. 

Brian picked his six year old boy up from his mommie Mel's house and headed for the park.

It was the middle of July but the summer had been a cool one. A nice breeze ruffled through his hair as he sat on 'his and Gus'' bench listening to his child talk about what he did in his art class at the GLC center.

The sun gleamed brightly and the air was so fresh. Brian cherished these, what had become, daily talks with his intelligent, kind, artistic son.

Gus had been his savior since the day he was born, and even more so since he'd gotten back from Hawaii. Before he'd gone away and found the blond he'd been losing himself in drugs, tricks, and liquor.

Lindsay had been hit by a drunk driver a year after Gus was born. Melanie, Lindsay's partner shared custody with Brian.

They lived in a large Victorian house next to an old Wright house where Brian lived. It had been the perfect arrangement, Brian was still able to have his illustrious life and his son, though he tried to separate the two.

Melanie had been Brian's rock. Yes, they still outwardly hated one another, but it was only because they were so alike and saw so much of one another.

They practically lived together. But now Melanie was moving away and probably with his son. He didn't want Gus to go, but he also wanted what was best for his boy and it was up to Gus to choose where he was going stay.

Brian was pretty sure Gus would choose Melanie. She was his mother even if Gus didn't call her such, which Brian knew tore Mel apart. He was sad about losing his son and he was also sad to loose Melanie. She was his closest friend and confidant. 

She had helped him become a loving father and he cherished her friendship, even above his self proclaimed best friend Mikey.

He and Mel had spent hours talking over the years, realizing that even though they were hard on one another they also liked, the others company.

Brian had even told her about the blonde, not everything, but he had slipped and admitted that no one could compare to him and didn't feel the urge to be with any one else because of this, and he'd also divulged the sadness he felt when he awoke in his hotel room bed the last day alone.

He didn't tell her how after that week, when they'd agreed not to exchange names or places, he'd still spent the three hours he had before going to the airport trying to find the nameless blond boy with out any luck.

He didn't have to mention to her when he was thinking about him either, because she would give him a calm knowing smile and tell him that fate works in mysterious ways and to not give up hope of finding him.

So he took advice from a lesbian. He hoped and hoped to find the boy one day. 

He also hoped that Mel wouldn't take the job in LA. But he was too afraid to ask her to stay. He wasn't sure that all he'd done to help sway Gus' decision and his, had worked.

Brian needed Melanie in his life. He reminded him of the mother of his child, for one, and she also was always there to call him on his shit and be his supporter.

Brian was sure that he wouldn't have survived Linds' death, and then his now remission tactical cancer if it wasn't for her.

He hadn't coped well with any thing over the years, but it had been getting easier to because he knew she understood.

But he was unhappy. After the doctors had given him a clean bill of health Melanie encouraged him to take a much needed vacation, and he was so glad she did. But he was still unhappy with his life and wasn't sure if he even knew how to change it,

Gus was wise beyond his years and could tell that his father was unhappy. Everyone else in the family had told Gus not to worry about his father, that Brian was just being Brian.

Gus always thought, 'Don't they want Daddy to change? Don't they want Daddy to stop partying and find someone to be happy with so he could maybe one day live with him like a real family?'

Gus just didn't understand why no one else saw, or seemed to care how bad his daddy was hurting. If he could why couldn't they? And the way Uncle Mikey talked about his father killed him. 

He loved Melanie, and even though she was his mother figure, he never thought of her as one. He never called her mom.

Mel had decided that she was going to take a possible job at a law practice in LA come next fall, she wanted Gus to come but she was leaving it up to him to decide. At least she told him that anyway. She knew what her decision would be no matter what Gus wanted, she knew what was best for her son and his father.

Mel was pretty sure that Gus was well aware of his father's lifestyle and didn't like to be around it and he couldn't understand why there was a part of his father's life that he could not be a part of. No, he would not choose to stay with his father if Brian didn't clean up his act. And Melanie was almost positive that Brian never would.

But secretly, Mel loved and admired Brian. The 'heartless bastard' was anything but. He'd allowed Melanie a prominent place in his son's life after Linds' had died.

He was the one who cried with her, he'd held her, he'd shown up at her door worried about her, ``sporting Gus to cheer her up. He had bought her a house to help raise his son in, he'd remembered Lindsay at every lost birthday and anniversary right beside her. Brian had helped her grieve, cope, and move on.

They'd become best friends truth be told. And she also secretly hoped that Gus would choose his daddy and not her.

A mother knows what is best for her child. She wanted to make Lindsay proud of her. 

As much as he loved his Daddy, Gus heard Mel tell Uncle Teddy that she could never allow him to stay with Brian if he 'continued on the road to destruction.' 

Gus knew what Melanie meant when she said this, he was still a little sometimes naive' kid, but he wasn't stupid, and he was well aware of his father's life.

He however seemed to be the only one that realized Brian was not the same person as his family liked to think.

His father had been confiding in him about many things and had told him many times that he was his best friend.

So last yet Gus decided what he needed to do.

Gus wanted to help his father but he was just a kid and didn't think he could do it alone. He needed an adult, but all the ones he knew didn't believe his dad would ever change and that if he did it would take a miracle.

Gus thought for a long time of the person who could make a miracle happen. And now was the perfect time for it. 

Santa Clause. If anyone could help his daddy become the daddy that Gus knew his father really was it was St. Nicholas.

So he gave his father a envelope that was addressed to Santa Clause, North Pole. He told his father to Fed Ex it because it was so close to Christmas. He'd spent so long writing it and thinking about what he truly wanted from 'Santa Clause.'

Brian was relieved to finally get Gus' Christmas list, the boy had been very secretive whenever he asked him what he wanted.

Gus had anything he wanted and Brian was sure that whatever had Gus thinking so hard about it had to be huge. He hoped he could afford whatever it was.

So, after he tucked Gus in bed he went out on their back porch to have a cigarette and read the list that was inside the envelope he'd put in his jacket pocket, telling Gus he'd mail it the next day.

His heart swelled at the whole idea that his child still believed in St. Nick. It would probably be the last year he did. He reviled in the innocence his son still had. 

Thinking back on his childhood he couldn't remember ever believing in Santa. He knew he certainly never received anything at Christmas from him.

He carefully opened the letter and pulled out the piece of paper.

Dear, Santa Clause,
I have tried to be good all year and I really hope I'm on your good list. I loved the train set you got me last year, the art supplies, the DVD’s and everything else.

Brian chuckled. Since Gus could write to Santa he'd always stated the letters that way. Now onto the list. Brian thought.

But instead there was more. 'This year what I want isn't only for me it's for my daddy too.' Brian's heart lurched as he read on. 'I love my daddy and I know he can be a bad boy sometimes but inside he's a big teddy bear.

He always thinks of everyone else before himself, he shares me with Mel so that she won't be sad about my mommy dying. He is selfless. I know that word, that is what Cynthia always tells me what my daddy is and she explained to me why. And you know what? She is right! That's why sometimes he's a bad boy. He gets his feelings hurt when people don't appreciate him.

I know my daddy is very sad and lonely. It is not only because mommy died, it's because he needs some help to be happy. I want my daddy to be happy. So this is what I want for Christmas. 
I think daddy needs it too. He told me that he didn't get things for Christmas because his mommy and daddy are not nice. It hurts him bad. Did they take the presents you gave my daddy? If they did they are on the naughty list right?' Brian was now crying with gut wrenching sobs. He wiped the tears from his eyes to keep reading. 'I always get daddy chocolates for Christmas. He says he'll get fat but he gobbles them up anyway. But this year I need help with his present. It is just way too big, so it's my wish now.

1.I want my daddy to stop having boy's sleep over when I am at Melanie's. They always slam his door in the mornings and say mean things to him. They are naughty because my daddy loves anyone he kisses so they must be bad boys,

2.I want my Daddy to have only one man to love and then I can sleep in my bedroom even if he spends the night with Daddy.

3.I want my Daddy to stop being drunk. I know, 'he is only 25 and still young' as Uncle Mikey says, but I just want him to slow down. Because I still want him to have fun and be happy.

4.I want my Daddy to be happy when I am not around.

5.I want my Daddy to go take a break in Hawaii. He works too hard and is always busy. He needs to relax.

6. I want my Daddy to talk to me about himself. I admire him so much and he is so interesting and I want Daddy to be my best friend too.

7. I want my Daddy to give me a real family.

8.I want my Daddy to be healthy.
(Gus wrote this because Brian had testicular cancer a year ago and had been in remission ever since, but it still worried him that he might die like his mommy Lindsay had before he even got to know her.)

9. I want my Daddy to marry a nice man that will make him be as sweet as I know he is. And I want another Daddy, like a real family in the same house.

10. I want to have baby brothers and sisters. I hate being an only child, I get bored and lonely.

I know it may take longer to make this stuff happen, but maybe I can use this as my Christmas wish and if you need any help you can ask my mom, daddy’s says she's an angel in heaven and I am his angel on earth. 
LOVE, GUS, Ho, Merry Christmas Santa!

Brian had tears streaming down his cheeks. Freezing his skin as it came in contact with the cold air.

That day, he vowed to do every thing he could to make sure Gus got what he wanted. 

He'd been really trying to give all the things he had asked for, for him. Brian new he loved his son but when he read the List he realized how much his son loved him! And he knew that Gus deserved more than what he had given him.

Gus threw himself through the front door of his father's house with Melanie trailing behind. 

Brian startled ran from the office into the living room. "Dad!" Gus yelled smiling. Waving a paper in his hand.

"Jeeze sonny boy, settle down, how was your art class?" Brian saw his son's face beam into a smile that was his own, even if few people saw it.

"Dad, you wouldn't believe what my art teacher is going to have?"

Brian's son had come home reeling a few months ago when he told him he was pregnant. Gus loved babies and desperately wanted Brian to have a baby or get married to someone so they would. Brian however could think of no one other than his blonde in any sexual matter so that Christmas wish wasn't going to happen anytime soon.

"A baby?" He said sarcastically.

Melanie smirked while Gus shot his father a glare that looked just like Mel's death stare and then he rolled his eyes for dramatic effect.

Brian had to bite his tongue and to not laugh. "Sorry, sonny boy, tell me, what is your teacher, what's his name again?"

"Bri. Mel warned. "Gus never stops talking about J.T."

"J.T." Gus began, "J.T. is going to have some of my sketches of the park framed and put in his gallery and he thinks he'll also be able to sell them! I'm only 6 and already an artist like Mom!" Gus squealed and hugged his father."

"That's great Gus. Mommy would be so proud of you and so is Mel and me." Brian kissed his son's cheek. "So, when is your big debut Picasso?"

"Who?" Gus said.

Melanie and Brian laughed.

"Tomorrow night J.T. is having a show, he gave us four tickets, so maybe we can invite Grandma Debbie?" Melanie asked.

"Yea!" Gus jumped with excitement. This J.T. guy had been making Gus awfully happy lately. Brian thought. 

At a quarter past eight Brian walked into the large Gallery holding his son's hand and thanking the heavens that Deb had chosen a simple black dress and toned her hair down.

"J.T. said he won't be here until later, so after we see your stuff your going to go home with Grandma, while me and your daddy have an adults night alright Gus."

"Okay mom, but make sure you introduce him to J.T." Gus whispered into her ear giving her a hug. 

Melanie was sure her heart was beating out of her throat. He called her mom! He had said it in Brian's mock tone too many times but this time he meant it. 

Brian had been amazed by his son's work, as had been buyers, only an hour after the opening and the sketches had been sold for 400.00 each.

Gus was told he could spend it on whatever he had wanted.

Debbie took the happy boy home and Melanie and Brian began to walk the halls looking for the "more adult" pieces.

They spent a good amount of time talking about the hub-ub of their lives and were so relaxed and truly grateful for one another's company. 

"Melanie showed Brian one of the pieces in J.T.'s collection as other patrons stared at it whispering about it's beauty, a chill came over him.

He's seen that landscape. A large lump formed in his throat. He knew each tall blade of grass that surrounded the small lagoon. He knew the taste of the water that trickled down the rocky ravines. A memory so present with every brush stroke of the oil paint. The smell of it mixed with the citrus like air that surrounded the small piece of paradise.

Brian could feel himself grow pale and sweaty. His stomach tightened and his ears rang with the sound of birds chirping. water falling, moans of ecstasy, laughs that ended with the most beautiful and content of smiles.

He could hear Melanie asking him if he was going to be sick. He shook his head but it seemed like the only thing he could see were the memories of paradise.

He felt Mel's arm grab onto his which scarred his mind with the feelings of his boy's gentle caresses and tight embraces. He tried to walk but felt the last six months of agony flush out of him with tears that stained his cheeks like fire and he was falling until suddenly standing in front of him, stilling his vision and the entire universe, until it was only him and the blonde he had been in pure blissful agony over, in the room, in Paradise.

A look of panic swept the boy's face, then shock, and then love. 

Neither could move. Neither could fathom one syllable.

No one in the gallery other than Justin, Brian and Melanie had any clue as to the earth shattering or earthly completing moment that was taking place in a small alcove of the building in what was suddenly fantasy island.

Melanie was smart, it took one second to see Brian and J.T. standing together for her to know exactly who Justin Taylor was to Brian. Who Brian was to who was nestled beneath the blonds bulging button up dress shirt. 

She saw them both shaking and knew she had to say something for both of them.

She had become close to the artist but the subject of his children’s' father was 'not a subject he was strong enough to bare to speak of with anyone', as he had told her when she first inquired. Mel had assumed he'd died by the eerie look that would pool in the normally bright blue eyes. Now he was giving the same look, Brian's was much the same. As though they were seeing ghosts and were paralyzed.

"Brian, Justin, fuck," Mel didn't know what to say. "Brian this is Justin Taylor, J.T."

Brian's body stood up straight. He had never been so scared in his life. "Justin Taylor, I'm Brian Kinney." He stated barely over a whisper and held out his shaky had to the blond.

Justin wasn't sure what to think all he knew was that he wanted to touch the man. The man he'd been as equally afraid to never lay eyes on again as he was to rest his blues on the man.

But now, here he was. There was no turning back. All the times he had rehearsed exactly what he'd say if this was to ever happen had not prepared him in the least.

He gave the man his hand trying not to get lost in the feelings that were threatening him, driving him to loose control, now was not the time because by the look of the most gorgeous man he'd ever seen, he almost lost it.

Before he could say anything he felt Brian move in closer, towered above his body, eyes locked into his as his voice shakily whispered to him, "The father of your children." It was a statement. Brian knew that the large bulge of the boy's stomach, the extra weight in Justin's cheeks, and the sexy glow that he emitted were the results of the countless hours of lovemaking they'd shared. He knew this to be true as strongly as the pain and loneliness he'd felt with out Justin over the last 6 months had been.

"Brian I'm going to get back home, I'm sure you two have allot of catching up to do." Mel's voice jolted them both to awareness.

"Sure Mel. Take the limo I'll call a cab or something later."

"Okay, Bri, Justin, good luck." Melanie said turning to leave, but not really wanting too.

"It was nice to see you again Ms. Marcus." Justin said softly still not understanding the obvious intimate connection between her and Brian.

"Mel?" Brian called after her.

The beautiful brunette turned and looked at Brian with a smile that gave him strength. 

He smiled back, knowing that he didn't need to ask her not to say anything to the 'family' that he wanted her confidence. But, he already had it. And had known for a long time he had.

"Look, I've got to get home and lye down sir.” Justin said using the nickname he'd given Brian in Hawaii.

Brian grew worried and he cautiously put his arm around Justin. Completely aware of the use of the word sir. "Sunshine are you okay...are..the..babies alright?" He stumbled.

Justin let out a yawn and a hint of the smile that gave him his name. "I'm fine, our babies are alright, there are a million things I am confused about but I am ready to drop. Would you mind driving my car and me home?"

Brian felt his heart soar when he heard Justin say 'our babies' he felt so giddy and also scared.

He nodded his head and blindly followed the man through the gallery, down the elevator and to the parking garage.

Justin's hand was shaking, his mind swirling, his senses on over load. He fished in his cargos for his keys. His shirt rising up to expose a small hint of baby stretched skin.

It was enough to make Brian hard and willing to beg to touch it, but he would wait until they got to wherever it was they were going to first. 

He watched as Justin pointed to a black bmw SUV and tossed Brian the keys.

Brian's hand shook as he unlocked the doors and climbed in the seat adjusting it to his long form. They were in comfortable silence other than the breathless words of navigation that Justin gave ending up at a large colonial style house on a big expanse of land just out of the Pitts and completely inside Paradise.