A few hours later Justin was sitting on a cold leather exam table.  His legs were covered in goose bumps and dangled down; his sock clad feet were far from touching the tile floor beneath them.  Justin’s hands were in his lap folded together, but still allowing his thumbs to twiddle around one another.  He was nervous that he had come down with something that might derail his trip to San Francisco. 

Upon arrival to the clinic a nurse has taken a urine sample from Justin as a precautionary measure.  She then led him into the room he was in now and took some blood and then his blood pressure. 

"Has your stress level been particularly higher lately Justin?"  She said after deflating the band around his arm and writing her findings down on a chart. 

Justin nodded his head yes and the young nurse gestured for him to go on with his explanation.  "I've been getting ready for a show as well as a guest spot teaching a seminar course in California.  I leave tomorrow for that actually.  That's why I needed to see Doctor James today.  I haven't been feeling like myself lately." 

Another nurse came to take away the samples and Justin prayed that they would not turn up anything bad. 

"Well Justin," the nurse began.  "It could very well be all the stress you are under that is causing you to feel under the weather.  However with the list of your allergies it could also be an unknown food or air allergy.  Could you tell me about the symptoms you are experiencing.  That way if they find anything in your urine sample or blood work that's out of the ordinary, your doctor will have a little more to go on."  She smiled encouragingly. 

"Well, I've been getting nauseous mostly when I wake up in the morning.  Sometimes I lay in bed and think of excuses as to why I shouldn't get up, and then as soon as I do I'm running for the bathroom, sick to my stomach."  Justin explained.  "I feel all panicked and I don't know what to do."  Justin rubbed his face with his hands. 

"Well, it sounds to me like you might have anxiety disorder.  I've written down what you've told me, but maybe you can explain it to Doctor James as well.  He might be able to give you something to calm your stress level down.  Has there been any thing else going on with your body that has been out of the ordinary?"  She asked. 

"Actually, I have been eating much more than what I normally do at a sitting."  Justin said thinking back to his habits of the last month. 

"Comfort foods?"  The nurse prompted. 

Justin nodded.  "Yeah, and that's just about all I ever eat."  He told her. 

"Sounds to me like you may be eating to soothe your nervousness."  She said.  "How about you get into this smock and hop on the scale for me."  She asked handing Justin a hospital issue johnny from the drawer under the table. 

Justin quickly took of his tee and jeans and put on the thin, loose smock.  He hesitantly stepped on the scale and looked away when the doctor adjusted the scale and took his weight.  "Hmm… "  He heard her say. 

"What?"  Justin asked getting down and climbing back onto the table. 

"Well, you've gained fifteen pounds since you were here last."  She said softly. 

Justin rolled his eyes and made a mulling noise.  "I really haven't had the time to work out."  He said stiffly and crossed his arms over his chest.  He had noticed that he was getting 'rounder' over the past few months. 

"I'm going to go see about your urine and blood work Justin.  Dr. James should be in to see you shortly okay?" 

"Okay, thank you nurse."  Justin replied. 

A half hour later three knocks sounded on the door to his room.  "Come in!"  Justin called with relief filled happiness.  He crossed his legs at his ankles and hands in his lap, not wanting to seem too nervous when he saw Dr. James. 

"Hello Justin."  The older but gorgeous and friendly doctor said clutching Justin's chart to his chest with one arm and leaning in to hug Justin with the other. 

"Hello Dr. James."  Justin replied with a smile.  John James has been his late father's best friend and Justin's doctor since he was a born. 

The older man moved a rolling stool closer to Justin and sat down in front of the young blond.  "I was surprised to see your name on the patient list this morning.  It isn't like you to be sick unless you are having trouble with your allergies.  But after looking over your samples and symptoms, that doesn't seem to be the case this time."  The man said gently. 

Justin felt the color drain from his face.  "Is… is there something wrong with me Johnny?"  Justin asked. His worry evident in the tone of his voice.  He also used the doctor's first name the way he did when he was a child.  John had been like a father to him after his own had died in a car accident when he was seven. 

John hated the look of fear so evident in the familiar blue eyes.  He wouldn't pro-long this anymore.  He knew the diagnosis would be a shock.  But just last month he had gone to Brian's home to eat dinner and he could clearly see the strong relationship the two young men shared.  There was no doubt they were in love, and John was sure they could survive and thrive with what the future held. 

John took the artist's small hand in his.  "There isn't really any thing wrong with you Justin."  He said shaking his head. 

Justin let out a deep breath in exasperation.  "But...well...what about..!!!" 

John cut him off and smiled again.  "You're perfectly healthy Justin.  You just have a case of morning sickness which I really can't help you with."  He told the blond, looking into Justin's blue eyes intently. 

"What?!!!"  Justin screamed, causing John to tighten his grip on his hands.  He could feel his heart beat skyrocket. 

"The blood work and urine sample concluded with 100% accuracy that you are pregnant.  All of your other symptom's point to this too Justin."  John said softly, yet anyone could detect the excitement in his voice. 

Justin ripped his hand from his old friend's and ran both through his hair while shaking his head in disbelief.  "This can't be possible John."  He told him in a scared whisper.  "We have always used protection, except for that first time.  I told you about it and had the full check up.  That was seven months ago!  I'm no expert but I'd imagine I'd be a lot bigger than… "  The words trailed off from Justin's lips when his hands smoothed the thin cloth over his stomach.  A stomach that was undeniably round and pooches.  His lips trembled as his eyes shook with tears looking up at John.  "This."  Justin finished his sentence, feeling his slightly protruding belly, seeing his body in a foreign way. 

"We know you weren't pregnant then Justin."  John titled Justin's bowed head to look at him.  Wonder and fear painted the boy's face. 

"But I am now?"  Justin whispered, his eyes pleaded with John's to tell him he was wrong. 

John swallowed the lump in his throat.  "Yes.  You. Are."  He said slowly.  He couldn't stop himself from wiping the escaped tear tracks from the shocked boy's face.  Justin was shaking his head at him.  "Condoms are only 99% effective."  John continued.  "And, you may have even broken one, it can happen rather easily."  The doctor continued.  He was really starting to worry about his patient, his friend.  He truly thought that this would be happy news for Justin, shocking maybe, but he still thought that Justin would be over joyed.  But mostly all he'd seen was over whelming fear.  There was absolutely no joy. 

"But...this....this...isn't possible."  Justin continued.  "You don't understand John."  Justin gave into his emotions and let his tears become a waterfall of expression.  "Brian said that there could be something wrong with a baby if we had one.  Like...like there is with him!  He said that he couldn't ever be a father!"  Justin cried. 

John stood up from his stool and leaned in to take the young man's shaking body into his arms.  "Shhh Justin."  He patted the boy's back.  Justin rested his head on his shoulder and hugged him back tightly.  "You know that Brian may not have been born the way he is Justin.  His brain damage could be souly based on the abuse he suffered as a child, both physically and emotionally.  No one can really be sure whether he was born that way or not.  Even Brian talked with me about this.  The baby will most likely be perfectly healthy.  It probably won't be born with disabilities Justin.  And really, if it were, would you love it any less?"  John asked. 

Justin looked up and wiped his tears.  "No.  No.  Of course not John.  Never."  He pushed himself away from the doctor slightly.  "But it isn't just that.  I don't think that Brian could handle this.  He would surely leave me.  Leave us."  Justin put a hand on his stomach for a second, looking down at his body as though it were alive in a totally new light.  "He would think that I did all this on purpose.  He knew that I wanted children and he made it perfectly clear that that would never be.  That he would never be a father.  Never."  Justin broke back into his sobbing. 

John once again gathered Justin into his arms.  He hated to see the pain this was causing Justin.  A situation that he would imagine would normally be a happy occasion for his young friend was now turned into a terrifying nightmare.  "Justin.  There are other options."  He hated saying it, more than anything, but he was still a doctor.  And seeing as how Justin was reacting, he wasn't sure that carrying the child to term would be what was best. 

Justin looked up, his blue eyes like glass.  "I need to know how far along I am."  Justin said rubbing his eyes.  "Before I decide anything." 

"I'm not that kind of doctor Justin.  But I do have a friend in this hospital that is.  Would you like me to call her?"  John asked. 

Justin nodded.  "Please."  His voice sounded nearly broken. 

John got up from the table and picked up the reception phone on the wall and hit some number.  "Dr. Stills?" 

"Yes Johnny boy?  What do you need?"  The woman replied playfully. 

"Would you happen to be available to meet with a patient of mine."  He said pleadingly.  "He's the son of a very dear old friend of mine.  You might remember him."  John said softly.  Sure that the woman on the other end would get his meaning.  "We just found out that he is pregnant today."  John couldn't help the pride that filled his voice for his best friend's son. 

"Well I was getting ready to go home.  Do you think that we can do this tomorrow?"  She said. 

"Actually he has to be in California tomorrow for his job.  He really needs to be checked out today, make sure he's okay to travel and all that."  He nearly begged the woman. 

Justin sat and listened to John's end of the conversation.  He had been very grateful to have the man through his childhood, and couldn't have ever been any more grateful to have him back in it, than he was right now.  "Great!  Thank you Hailey.  He's here right now.  Exam room 205.  We'll be waiting." 

Justin watched as John hung up the pone and turned back to him with a tentative smile.  "Who exactly is Doctor Stills?"  He asked. 

"She's an OB Doctor.  She helps patients through out their pregnancy and then with the labor." 

Justin visibly cringed at the thought of labor. 

"She's a real good friend of mine.  She was taking a half day and on her way home, but she agreed to bring her ultra sound machine and to come give you a check up."  John said grabbing some cool wipes from the workstation and handing then to Justin. 

"Thank you John."  Justin said quietly.  They both knew Justin was thanking the older man for more than the tissues.  "I guess I should have realized what was going on, I'm so stupid."  Justin started to wipe away his tears and felt a little better as his face cooled down. 

"Why do you think that?"  John asked concerned and taking his seat again. 

Justin hopped down off the table carefully and threw the towels away before hopping back up on the table.  "I haven't noticed that I hadn't had a hormone charge in maybe three or four months.  I guess I just thought that I was getting older so it didn't maybe happen as much.  Brian doesn't go through one at all." 

John shook his head.  "That’s not stupid Justin.  But Brian probably doesn't go through them because he takes medication for other things. They probably counter act with his hormones.  I understand that if you used protection, pregnancy might be the last thing you'd consider.  Especially with the problems you have had with allergies and medications.  You weren't stupid to think it was anything but pregnancy.” 

Justin nodded and looked at John.  "What do you think my dad would say if he was here?"  It was a question that Justin asked the man concerning many things through out his life.  His mother never wanted to talk about Craig Taylor and John had always been the only constant male in his life through the hoards of men his mother had dated through out his child hood.  John lived just down the block from Justin and would often take Justin to Broadway shows in New York or be on the sidelines cheering when he could at a swim meet.  Justin's mother however had spent allot of her time trying to estrange them once she realized Justin's talent and had nearly succeeded in doing so until a few months ago when Justin had gone in for his HIV test. 

John smiled.  "I think your father would be very happy to be a grandfather."  He said softly, causing Justin give a small smile.  "I think he would tell you to do what you think is right for you in your heart."  John added. 

"I want to be a father."  Justin said sternly.  "But I don't want to loose Brian.  Not when I just found him.  Found love."  Justin said sadly. 

The phone rang in the room startling them both. John went to go answer it and was informed that Dr. Stills was on their way to their room. 

"Will you stay with me John?"  Justin asked the older man. 

John smiled.  "And hold your hand if you like.  I remember when your father....."  John was thankfully interrupted with what he was saying when the door started to open to the room and an older red haired woman dressed in scrubs was wheeling in a machine on a cart. 

John stood up.  "Hello Doctor Stills.  This is Justin.  He's Craig Taylor's little boy."  John added. 

The short elderly woman parked the cart near the bed and looked curiously at Justin and then back at John.  "He sure is.  Isn't he Johnny?"  The woman said with a smile. 

"You...you knew my father?"  Justin asked wide-eyed with a smile. 

The woman smiled looking at John and then turned back to him and placed her hand in Justin's. "I sure did."  She said, but explained nothing further.  "So you are pregnant Justin?"  She said changing the subject. 

Justin's smiled faded as he nodded.  "Yes, and I really just need to know how far along I am."  He said, then added.  "My partner, he has a mental disorder that could be hereditary.  We weren't planning to get pregnant and well I am not sure if I am going to keep it or not."  Justin said sadly.