(Cuts)
Justin discreetly closes the screen door behind him, trying not to make too much noise and disturb Debbie, who is calmly sitting in the living room, watching an episode of “Friends”. in her fluffy slippers and rainbow socks. He steps outside into the backyard and takes out a cigarette. Vic had secretly given one to Justin behind Debbie’s back. Vic had been his father figure since he was just a little boy and his father had given up on him. He was also very fond of Justin; Vic thought Justin was such a brave boy considering all he had been through with his family. He had seen him go through the fights and many last-minute-packing to move away from Craig to another house as if Justin’s family had been fugitives.
Justin had skipped class and left school earlier today. Seeing those pictures of himself with Brian as a child and of his teacher, was too intense for him and he had to get away from it all. He didn’t want to talk or be around people in general. It’s not that he hated people but socializing wasn’t his best interest. He felt sorry for leaving Brian; although he had a feeling Brian had skipped school soon after he left so he guessed it was okay.
There’s something about Brian that made Justin flip inside. Usually, if Justin’s mind-set was anything like other peoples', Brian would be the last person he would want to hang out with. Considering what happened with that fucking first-grade teacher of theirs. But Brian seemed different to Justin; he had that comfort that Justin would never find in another person. Who else could understand this more than the other person who experienced the exact same thing as him? People are strange, Justin thought. There’s nothing as strange as people, right?
He lit the cigarette between his fingers and smoked. It’s silent and he can hear tree crickets creaking and cars driving far by. It’s very calm and he likes it. He roams on the grass, flicking his cigarette around while looking down at his shoes.
“Justin.” He hears Brian whispering. Justin looks up alert and sees Brian standing against the fence with his fingers holding onto the metal wires. Justin could only see his shape and figure under the dim light but he knew it was Brian. He started having happy butterflies in his stomach. Justin throws his cigarette in the dirt and runs to Brian.
He puts his hands against the fence with a wide sunshine smile on his face. They both silently look at each other for a moment that lasts longer than the usual time a moment takes. Both smiling sweetly, their faces are inches from the metal fence. Without noticing, their fingertips touch.
“Hey.” Brian sweetly says.
“Hey…” Justin whispers back. “Come back in an hour. She’ll be asleep and you can stay for the night.” Brian nods a few times, never leaving Justin’s beautiful shimmering blue eyes. “Come through my bedroom window. I’ll leave the light on.”
“Kay.” Brian whispers as he bits his bottom lip.
They reach to touch each others hands between the cold metal and Brian leaves.
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Justin keeps his bedside lamp dimly turned on. His bed is in the middle of the room against the wall. It’s comfortably covered with a thick velvet red duvet and many pillows and dark blue and red cushions. On each side there are small night tables with lamps and books on them. It’s warm and cozy. The walls are painted dark red and a large blue rug covers the hardwood floor. There are magazine clippings tacked on the wall and some fashion posters. The dresser where he keeps his clothes is well organized but slightly bent and broken.
He closes his reading book he had for homework and decides to go downstairs to drink a glass of water and say goodnight to Debbie. He quickly got bored and fought to stay awake, it was a little past midnight and Brian would come by around one in the morning if he wasn’t late. Justin practically always had Brian on his mind since they met. Normal, he figured. They’re both gay and they knew this. He doesn’t know what this could lead to, but he knew that he didn’t want a boyfriend; not even Brian. Boyfriends seemed too complicated and he didn’t need complicated, especially not right now. He’d wait till he got older, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t have some fun and fuck once in a while. From what he’d heard in school, Brian didn’t do boyfriends either and that was perfectly fine with Justin.
He silently creeps down the stairs, watching for Debbie to see if she had fallen asleep on the couch like she sometimes does. He peeks his head out but sees no one on the couch. As he comes down, he hears a whispering voice coming from the kitchen. Silently he walks along the wall to listen to Debbie like a guy in a spy movie. He can’t hear her quite well enough but from the sound of it she’s speaking with someone she doesn’t like that much.
“Don’t talk to me that way!” Debbie says in her don’t-fuck-with-me tone.
The happy I’m-spying-on-you smile fades away when Justin hears a familiar voice screaming on the end of the line. Surprisingly it’s the first time Justin had heard Debbie and his father argue on the phone, she had managed to keep it secret until this night.
“Craig! Doing this won’t change who he is. He is my son now and you can not tell him what to do. Do you really think he’ll be happy?” Debbie sounds very mad.
“And you think he’s happy with you!” Craig yells. “He’ll be happy when he finds himself.”
Debbie rudely hangs up on the man and puts her hands on her aging sad face. She needs to clear her mind of this unpleasant conversation. She takes a bag of garbage from the kitchen floor and brings it outside. Justin quickly runs for his life up the stairs. He runs into the dimly-lit bathroom and slams the door shut as he leans against it. His breathing has become heavier and as he slides to the tiled-floor he grabs his face with his hands, pushing his blond hair back.
He feels numb, like he has a large void filling him. He can’t cry or even try to let a few tears fall like other teenagers his age would. He felt plain and useless somehow. How could words be so hurtful? They’re words, you can see them and they don’t make you bleed. To Justin, words are the most hurtful thing there is, even more than someone punching you in the face. He slowly rises to his feet and looks around in the bathroom. Beside the sinks, in the medical cabinet, are some of Debbie’s jewelry boxes; where he finds what he needs. He takes a sharp razor blade from a small jewelry box with stones on it, and holds it firmly with his fingertips.
He sinks down against the bathtub and slowly presses the edge of the blade against his wrist. He’d seen people do this in movies. Some of them pressed ‘till all their ligaments cut open and then they were found dead the morning after. Justin did it like the ones who slightly cut themselves just to feel more pain on their wrist than they did in their heart. Just to ease the pain and frustration away for a moment. He presses harder, knowing that even though it hurts in this cut, the pain he felt in his heart would still be there tomorrow, but he didn’t care. He felt pain, at least he could feel something other then a void.
Red blood drips on the black and white tiles. He yelps and feels it penetrate his skin. He opens his eyes and the sight of blood and his opened wrist scares him and he drops the blade. The grabs the nearest towel from the counter and covers his bleeding wrist. He leans his head back, telling himself to calm down.
_______________________________________________________________________
Brian slides the lit bedroom window open, hoping to God this is the right bedroom. He sees Justin lying in his big comfy bed, possibly sleeping already. He jumps up and sneaks through Justin’s window. He sees 1:51 am on Justin’s bedside clock and knows he’s late. At least he was here with him and seriously, did time really matter?
Brian slowly steps closer to Justin’s bed. Justin’s soundly asleep on his side like an angel; he’s turned so his back is facing Brian. Brian carefully kneels on the fluffy red duvet and leans over Justin; he silently lifts the sheet up and slides under it to lie behind Justin. Gently wrapping his right arm around Justin’s smaller frame. His body perfectly lying along Justin’s body as if their bodies were shaped for one another. Brian lifts his head so he can look over Justin’s shoulder and softly whisper in his ear. His arm is protectively around Justins' stomach when he comes to hold his hand; he sees dark-red blood stains through Justin’s gray sleeve. He frowns and slightly touches the red marks on Justin’s shirt. He keeps the feelings that are about to burst out to himself. He softly kisses the crook the Justin’s neck and stays still with his lips against Justin’s smooth skin, while caressing Justin’s wrist.
Justin’s eyes slowly open as he wakes up and feels Brian’s nice touch close behind him. He stays still, so comfortable in his bed and in Brian’s arms, with Brian’s scent lingering. He loved sleeping but once awake, everything bad that had happened came back to his mind. The stinging pain in his wrist suddenly comes back and it reminds him of his father’s screaming voice. It angered him.
“What the fuck took you so long?” Justin whispers calmly, his voice hoarse from sleeping.
“I had to sneak out from my psycho father’s house.” Brian whispers with the sweetest tone against Justin’s neck.
“Why did you come if you knew you’d be late?” Justin’s tone had turned to rude and aggressive. Brian looks up offended by his tone and eyes him questioningly.
“When did you turn into evil?” Brian asks, taken back and surprised by Justin’s reaction. An hour late, so what.
Justin breathes out; he turns his face into his pillow and relaxes under Brian’s arms. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean…”
Brian caresses up and down Justin’s arm. Justin touches Brian’s arm with his left hand to reassure him. Brian hugs Justin tighter to his chest.
“I overheard Debbie talking with my dad on the phone,” Justin whispers sleepily. “They screamed about something, I don’t know. I want to stop thinking about it but it’s still bothering me.”
“You don’t have to talk about it, think about something else.” Brian whispered in Justin’s ear. He wouldn’t admit but Brian’s voice made Justin shiver and he slyly smirks against his pillow.
Not thinking, Brian slowly moves his fingers against Justin stained wrist and caresses him. Justin startles and quickly sits up. “Fuck…” He curses as he sees his bloodstained shirt. He lifts it up his torso and throws it on the ground. His naked chest warmly glows under the dim light. Brian watches and smirks, tempted to touch his friend’s back but he doesn’t and watches him. Justin leans down over his bed and grabs another gray long-sleeved shirt off the floor and slips it on. He makes sure the sleeve covers his wrist and he lies back down by Brian’s side.
Brian wraps his arm over Justin’s hips and snuggles against him.
“Please don’t tell anyone.” Justin whispers in his pillow.
“I won’t.” Brian says against Justin’s blond hair.
“Promise?” Justin’s voice seems to break.
“I promise.” Brian could smell Justin’s hair forever.