Brian's POV Saturday Afternoon I don't know what to do. I got a call from the dean of PIFA, saying that Justin dropped out, and that they are going to return my money to me. A feeling of coldness comes over me, and I know that I have to find out what the fuck is going on with Justin. He wouldn't quit going to PIFA on his own, and he wouldn't quit working at the diner on his own. So I know that chin rat has to have something to do with all of this. Just the thought of that idiot Ian, is enough to piss me off. I look over at Gus, and remember that I can't let myself get pissed in front of him. I'll just have to wait until tonight to get angry. I know that Melanie and Lindsay won't let me have Gus spend the night, ever since the shit with me and Justin happened, and Gus was nearly burned. I don't blame Justin for that. I blame myself for being such a fucking idiot. There is so much shit that I've done wrong, and all of it is to people that I love. I wish there was a way that I could take away all the pain I have ever caused. I just want to live a normal life, like the heteros get to. I want a lover and a family that I can trust. Everyone thinks that I trust the Liberty Diner gang with my most inner thoughts and workings, but that's crap. I don't trust them any more than I did my birth parents. You want to know why? Every single time someone fucks up, it's always my fucking fault. Justin gets his head bashed in at the Prom, and though it really is my fault, I don't need people telling me that. I live with it every fucking day. Another thing that I get blamed for, is Michael and Dr. Dave breaking up. It's not my fucking fault the guy doesn't have patience. I needed my best friend that night, cause the one person next to Gus that I would die for, could have been taken from me. No one understands, except for Justin, and well, he doesn't understand anymore. The bat to the head messed everything up, so now I just play the part. Everyone only sees me as the rude ass, so that they can feel better about themselves when they go around condemning me. Well you know what? Fuck them. I grew up with that shit, and I already know that without my money, I'm not worth anything. I mean, just look at how things ended between Justin and myself. I couldn't give him what he wanted, because I don't know how, and so he left. I couldn't give him floor picnics, flowers, and pretty words. That's not me, and never will be. I don't know how or if I even can do that shit. The only one that I know I can trust, is Gus. Which I know I won't be able to do for much longer. As my Sonny Boy grows up, I'm sure he's going to start thinking the worst of me. Especially with Melanie as a mother. I love Lindsay to death, but she always lets Melanie walk all over her. When Sonny Boy wakes up from his nap, I decide to call Chuck. We have been seeing each other for a few days now. I haven't told anyone about him, because I don't want anyone getting into it, like they did when Justin and I were together. I call Chuck and ask if he would like to have lunch with me and Gus at Cafe Georgio's. When he agrees, I smile and then say that Gus and I will be over to pick him up in thirty minutes. Chuck agrees, and we both hang up. Chuck is thirty-two, and is better for me. Though I still love Justin, I'm starting to love Chuck as well. He understands me, which no one else really does, not even Justin. So I pull up at Chuck's apartment, and I smile when he slides into the passenger seat. Moments later, he kisses me and then turns to Gus and smiles. "Hey Gus." My Sonny Boy smiles at Chuck and my heart feels a little lighter than it has in a while. Chuck and I aren't in a relationship. We like to fuck, and we even like to spend time together for other things. But we aren't in a relationship, not yet. I can see how much Chuck is starting to care for Gus. Maybe this is just what I need. So we arrive at Cafe Georgio's, and after I pick up Gus, we go inside. Before I know it, we are being seated and are getting ready to order our meal. I see one of the waiter's pass by and the blonde head reminds me of Justin. But I shrug it off, because I'm sure that Justin is at home with his fiddler. Chuck and I talk for a few minutes, about his work, (Chuck is a cop) and about mine as well. I tell him about some of the campaigns I've been working on lately, and he tells me about some of the people he's arrested lately. Before either of us know it, our lips are together, and I love the way it feels. His lips are so soft, and all I want to do, is get lost in his mouth. He starts running his fingers though my hair, and I suddenly remember where we are, so I end the kiss. However when I do, I'm sorry for doing so. Because as I look up and our waiter approaches us, I'm stunned to see that it's Justin. From the look on his face, I can tell that he caught the show, too. Oh well. What did he think I was going to do while he ran off to play happily family? Did he think I was going to drink myself to death? I thought about it, but then that would make me pathetic. So I watch Justin take a few breaths to calm himself, as he fully approaches our table. He keeps his line of vision on Chuck most of the time we are ordering, only making occasional glances at Gus, but never once looking at me. When we finish ordering, and Justin turns to go, I get a good look at his face. He looks like someone ran over his puppy. What the fuck? He was the one to end things and leave. I'm just trying to get on living my life. Why does this kid always make me feel like such an ass?