Thanks to Eka for her banner work which is gorgeous, my beta's Lois and Helen, and our readers Justin’s POV I watch Brian walk out of Debbie’s and I know he is leaving because we are here and it makes me feel like I don’t belong here and I guess I really don’t anymore. Brian also looks like hell as if he has been indulging in his pain management quite a bit and not sleeping on top of it. As I think this I wonder if something Chuck did is why he is like this and that thought makes me want to hunt him down and hurt him. But at the same time it kills me the thought that Brian would care that much about him for it to affect him like that. I can feel Ethan’s eyes on me and I know I will pay for paying so much attention to Brian but I can’t help it, I can tell my love is hurting and it makes me hurt for him. Physical pain is nothing compared to the emotional. I know that no beating Ethan gives me can even begin to measure up to the pain in my heart at every second, every heart beat that I’m away from Brian. A couple of hours later Ethan and I are trudging our way up the stairs of Ethan’s apartment building and he has a tight grip on my forearm as if he thinks I’m going to try to get away from him. But I know it’s just there to cause pain, as his hand grip much too tight and I know there will be angry bruises there soon. I watch as Ethan opens up the door and before it has swung all the way open, he shoves me through it so hard I stumble to my knees only a few feet inside the door. “So you want to tell me what that was about.” Ethan growls in a deadly voice. I don’t know what to say, I don’t know how to answer him because I know the truth will probably get me killed but I’m also sure that lying is a very bad idea as well. So I decide to act as if I have no idea what he’s talking about to buy me more time. “What are you talking about?” I say, making sure to make my voice sounds confused but polite. Ethan rushes forward and before I even have time to flinch, he has me by the throat and pulls me to my feet. Once he has me standing, he slams me against the wall by the door, repeating the action a few times until my brain is foggy because of lack of oxygen and my head hitting the wall solidly a couple of times. “You know exactly what I’m talking about, you little slut. What, you see Kinney for two seconds and you can’t help fucking drooling after him?” “No, I was just wondering what was going on, that’s all.” I try, going with a sort of half truth. “Why the hell would you even wonder about that whore? Shit, if there’s something wrong with him, maybe he fucking has AIDS, as many people he fucks.” Ethan says and I try to stifle it but I can’t, and a shocked and scared gasp leaks out of me at the thought of Brian being sick. I know I’m in trouble as soon as the sound clears my lips. “Oh, what was that about, huh? Afraid that the fucking slut of Liberty Avenue will actually face consequences for his actions? Afraid that the man you really love will die? Huh, huh, huh? Fucking answer me, you fucking little cunt.” There is nothing to say, he is so right I can’t bring myself to deny his words. I’m terrified that Brian will get sick or in any other way die. He seems almost immortal to me and I know that’s the seventeen year old twink who first fell in love with him talking but I want it to be true still. I know that not saying anything is pissing Ethan off but I know I’m going to get beaten either way, so way waste the effort. Hell, why lie when it’s not going to make a difference in the outcome, it’s just going to make me feel worse. “Well, I guess we will just have to cut off all the rest of your links to him now, won’t we.” Ethan snarls with his nasty breathe in my face. I wince inwardly because I know now there will be no more family dinners and I won’t have a chance to see anyone ever again, much less Brian. Because if I could still be at the dinners, even if they were ones Brian wouldn’t go to, the rest of the family would still talk about him and then I would at least know what he was doing. But now there will be nothing, nothing about who I am at all. “And I will definitely have to get rid of Kinney’s seed inside of you.” I stiffen at his words but he continues like nothing happened. “Can’t have that reminder of him forever now, can we?” Ethan says like a question but it’s not a question at all and we both know it. “No, I’m not having an abortion, I don’t care what you say or do.” I snarl at him, while trying to push him away from me. “Now who said anything about an abortion? I’ll be delighted to take care of this myself.” “Wha…” I don’t get to finish the word before the first blow lands and sends me hurtling to the floor. A second later he’s beside me again and everything seems to be in slow motion as I see him pull back his foot and aim a blow towards my stomach and as I realize his intent, a source of strength rockets through my body. I catch his foot before it can reach its destination and pull it forward quickly, yanking him off his feet. As soon as I see that he is going down, I get up as fast as I can and try to get the door open. I have it unlocked and I’m turning the handle when Ethan reaches me again. He slams me up against the wall and sends several sharp jabs to my back. Pain explodes in me but I refuse to give in, I’m not fighting for my life, I’m fighting for my child’s and it gives me strength I never knew I had. I put my hands to the wall and push back as hard and as quick as I can, catching Ethan off guard. Once I have him off my back, I quickly glance around trying to figure out what to do and then my eyes light on the answer. Ethan is rushing back towards me so I swiftly spin around so he has my front and the moment his body is flush with mine I grab the lamp I spied and bring it crashing down on his head. Ethan drops like a fly from the blow and I ignore his crumpled frame and run out the door without even getting any of my things. I’m out, I breathe with a sigh of relief but now what do I do, where do I go? I can’t go to Brian, my mom, Daphne, or Deb and Vic, all for obvious reasons. Shit, I’m fucked.