Thanks to all that help us with this story, to Eka, Lois, Helen, and of course our readers Justin’s POV I look at the door and can’t believe what just happened. Brian must be really freaking out if he thinks that he could have caused the bruise that is on my arm. I mean he didn’t even grab me that hard and even if he did I don’t bruise quite that fast. I know this guilt is a deflection of others thing he feel guilty for and that he is just so worried that he isn’t thinking outside himself, not that I blame him. I know that I have to go back in there; I have to help him with this but how? How do I get back in there and deal with the thought that he hurt me without telling him the truth? Before I can figure out a plan about what to say to Brian about the bruise I hear his voice echo loudly from inside the loft. “WHAT?!” There’s panic and fear in that voice and I know that I can’t wait any longer. No matter what the consequence is to me and my secret I can’t just hide out here thinking about what I should do like I have for the last half hour. I quietly turn the key I have retrieved from my pocket in the lock, hoping to surprise him so he can’t shove me out again before I have my say. I get inside as quickly as I can and I’m surprised to see Brian standing only a few feet in front of the door staring into space facing the bedroom with the phone held loosely in his hand. I don’t know what the phone call he was obviously on was about but it sure as hell must have been bad. And then it hits me like a ton of bricks and I hit the floor on my knees, jarring every single injury I have but I don’t care because…Brian’s positive. “What the fuck? What’s wrong Justin?” I hear Brian talking to me and the phone hit the floor as he kneels down and gathers me in his arms but I can’t say anything at first. I can’t speak over the screaming voice in my head that says that the love of my life is going to die. I know that HIV isn’t the death sentence it used to be but that logic isn’t making it through my pounding thoughts. He can’t die I repeat over and over in my head until it starts leaking out of my mouth. “Can’t die, you can’t die. God don’t die, you can’t.” my mumbling gets louder and louder and even though I hear Brian trying to break in over my words I can’t stop, can’t hear him until he puts a hand over my mouth to stop my words. “What are you talking about Justin?” Brian said when his hand had stopped my blubbering. “The phone, they said…” I trailed of hoping he’d finishing my sentence and I wouldn’t have to say it out loud. “They said I would have to wait two weeks before I got my test back.” he said gently. “What? But you yelled?” I questioned confused and not willing to let my guard down yet. “Well I paid extra to get the results back today and they fucked up so now I have to wait anyway.” Brian said and I hear the aggravation and more than that the fear in his voice again. The problem with that is I truthfullly wasn’t sure what the right thing to say at the moment was. Was there a right thing to say to someone who had to wait two weeks to find out if they had a terminal disease? What do you say to anyone much less the love of your life when they are in that situation? “It’ll be okay Brian, you’ll be okay. I don’t know how I know that but I just do.” I say pulling him into my arms. “I’m sorry Justin.” Brian mumbles against my neck and I hear the heartbreaking sorrow in his voice. “What for?” I can’t help but question what has Mr. ‘Sorry’s Bullshit’ apologizing. “For so many, many things.” Brian says and then pauses and right when I’m about to open my mouth he continues. “I’m sorry I grabbed you enough to bruise you.” “Brian you aren’t thinking clearly. First off you didn’t even grab me that hard and secondly even if you did it would never have shown up that fast. You just happened to grab that spot is all.” I hope he just takes my word at it and doesn’t go deeper, like how I got the bruises. I watch as Brian seems to analyze this in his mind and as seconds pass I watch a wave of relief fly across his features. I know that one of, if not the biggest fear Brian has is becoming his father and that he considers all his actions carefully like to make sure he doesn’t act like him. “You’re nothing like you father Brian. You would never hurt anyone especially not me or Gus.” I tell him in a soft voice as I stroke his hair. Brain relaxes in my arms and a couple of minutes later I’m pushing him up and as if by silent mutual consent we slowly walk towards the bedroom. Within seconds we are lying under the covers and holding each other, trying to comfort each other’s fears away. We are laying looking into each other’s eyes and I wish that this was the night before the Rage party and I had never left. I know that it’s useless to feel this way and wish for but I can’t help it especially because I know that once Brian goes to sleep I’m going to have to sneak out because although I have been lucky thus far about him figuring out my secret I know that my luck won’t hold out, Brian’s too smart for me to be able to keep something this big from him for too long. “Wait a minute if I didn’t give you this bruise,” Brian shoots out, sitting up abruptly, “then who did?” He asked with a storm brewing in his eyes.