Chapter 6: When they arrived back in WV, Brian parked his car in the drive and having stored all his gear in the dry and secure garage, Justin slept in the spare room in the house the first night while Brian got in a team of cleaners to go through the studio apartment and bring it up to scratch; giving them directions as to what tasks they were to carry out. Then, late the following afternoon and with Brian, Vic and Gus helping, Justin's belongings were transferred upstairs. Vic had chuckled at Brian as the man carried up Justin's TV. “You know ... something of the old Brian Kinney seems to have emerged ...” “What the fuck are you talking about?” asked Brian, keeping his voice low and not letting Gus hearing him swear: his son was at the age when boys know all the rude words and liked to use them occasionally to see what reaction they provoked. “The Brian Kinney that sums up a situation and acts on it ... who takes charge ... like when Lindz and Mel's wedding looked like it was falling through ... until you got everyone organized ...” Vic pointed out. “Ah ... but if you recall ... I actually preferred not to be there on the day ...” reminded Brian, smiling; having won tickets and deciding to go to the White Party instead. “Then ... why are you so involved this time ... so ... hands on?” Vic asked him and he reached out and tapped the back of Brian's hand; the redness from the punches he'd landed on Burrows having now disappeared, but apparently not gone unnoticed. Brian stopped at the top of the stairs and gave him a long look and then carried on with what he was doing and without answering him; but he heard the older man continue to chuckle as he walked away. Something of what Vic said had hit home. Having Justin around seemed to make Brian so much more positive about things than he'd been lately; well, since the accident in fact. Making him needing to play more of an active role in what was going on around him, taking control; rather than let Vic take charge, which Brian had been more than willing to do and Vic had been happy to oblige. But maybe Brian knew he really needed to do so much more for himself: for his self-esteem and satisfaction. Justin had taken the picture he was doing of Brian and Gus and placed it inside the closet for now, making sure that Brian didn't see it. And with the rest of his belongings in place, he looked around him. The furniture, though a few years old, was in good condition and comfortable. It was more or less open-plan, apart from the bathroom of course, with a kitchenette off the living area and a room-divider separating the bedroom. There was plenty of closet and storage space and Brian offered to have more built in if Justin needed it and after only a couple of days, the place was already beginning to feel like home. At Brian's insistence, Justin and Vic went out and did a little shopping; just making sure Justin had enough pots, pans, cutlery, crockery and groceries in order to be self-sufficient, together with some new linen; all on Brian's account, though the man drew a line in getting that much involved. Now, if Justin had needed to go clothes shopping, then Brian just might have been tempted. The invitation was there, of course, for Justin to eat with them at the house whenever he wanted and the young man did indeed start to have some of his meals with them. But generally, he always ate breakfast on his own; the time varying hugely, depending on how the urge to paint took him and the hour at which he got up. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Around 9:30, Justin would go over to the house to continue the portrait of Gus; it would be finished soon and though always critical of his own work, even Justin had to admit he was pleased with it and hoped Brian would be too. And at least being on the man's property, he didn't feel disappointed that once it was finished, his dealings with Brian would be over. There was so much more about Brian he wanted to know and now, this close, he hoped to really make the man understand how seriously interested he was. Gus was thrilled to bits that his Dad's new friend would be around to keep Brian company after he went back home and would visit Justin and when neither Vic nor Brian could find the boy and he wasn't at the stables, they knew where he would be and, with Justin's encouragement, Gus had shown a little flair himself. “I hope he's not bothering you,” stated Vic, late on Sunday afternoon. “No ... of course not ... I love having him around ...” stated Justin, genuinely, when he'd bought Gus back to the kitchen to apologize for the amount of mess Gus had on him; but it was an old tee and the boy had obviously enjoyed himself, even if he had ended up wearing more paint than he'd actually got down on the paper and Vic had taken the tee off him and sent the boy up to shower. “His Mom's an artist ...” stated Vic; throwing the tee in the laundry basket. “Is she?” asked Justin and he frowned. “Then ... why didn't she want to do Gus' picture herself?” “She hasn't painted in a long time,” replied Vic. “Though she does manage a gallery up in Toronto ... that and the time ... she couldn't spend any longer down here ... she and Mel both work and they have a toddler ... Jenny Rebecca ... she's my nephew's daughter ...” “Your nephew?” asked Justin. “Does he live up there too?” Vic shook his head, but then looked around him; almost as if he was checking that no one could overhear him before he spoke. “Michael? No ... he lives in Pittsburgh ... he's the one who gave Gus all those comic books you've seen him with ... he's got a store ... but he goes up to see them all the time ...” Vic said softly and Justin wasn't mistaken, the man had definitely lowered his voice. Justin scratched behind his ear; more than just a little confused. Vic had certainly seemed cautious before giving him his answer and careful not to be overheard and if Gus and Jenny Rebecca were being raised as brother and sister and Vic's nephew was the little girl's Father, then he would have expected to have at least heard Michael's name mentioned in all the time he'd spent at the house. And then he remembered an earlier conversation with Vic; when the man was telling him how long he'd known Brian. “I've known him since he was 14 ... he was best friends with my sister's kid ...” He WAS best friends with my sister's kid; they were the words Vic had used, so presumably there had been a falling out. But whatever it was, it couldn't have been that much of a rift; for Brian was more than happy to have Michael's Uncle around and it was obvious there was a mutual respect and affection between the two men, but then there was something else Justin didn't understand either. “If Brian wants to see Gus more ... why doesn't he go up to Toronto ... instead of waiting for Gus to come down during school break ... it's only what ... 90 minutes at the outside ...” “He and Mel have never seen eye to eye ... and I've often thought the real reason they moved there was that Mel wanted to get Lindsay away from Brian ... and the bombing at Babylon was just the excuse she needed ...” Vic answered him and of course omitting the reason that, after the accident, none of the family wanted anything to do with him and in any case, Brian would hardly step outside the door. “So ... they're pretty close ... Brian and Gus' Mom ...” Vic chuckled. “You could say that ... they met in college ...” and he left the words hanging; still chuckling to himself as Justin's eyes opened wide. “Did they sleep together?” Justin asked and then immediately apologized. “I'm sorry ... I shouldn't have asked that ... it's none of my business ... and besides ...” Justin bit his lip and Vic turned to face him and raised that eyebrow. “Well ... it's just ... Daphne wanted someone she could trust ...” and Justin could feel himself start to redden. “And she asked you ...” Vic nodded in understanding. “Please don't tell her I told you ...” pleaded Justin and Vic held up his hand. “Scout's honor ... not that they'd let me in the Scouts ...” and they both chuckled. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ It was almost a week since Justin had moved into the rooms above the garage and he'd hardly seen Brian in all that time and he couldn't work out why. But what he didn't know was that now having Justin this close all the time, Brian couldn't trust himself to be around him. To think that the blond was merely no more than a matter of yards away at any one given time was driving Brian insane; he thought about him constantly and was terrified that it was only a matter of time before he gave himself away and was beginning to think it was a huge mistake offering Justin accommodation; that he should have just found him an apartment back in the city and how the fuck was he going to cope, with him living over the garage. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Justin knew the portrait was nearly finished and something kept him working at it and he came back to the conservatory in the evening after dinner. Brian told him to come and go as he pleased and had even handed him a key to the back door, so that he could get in during the few times when no one was around; accepting how impractical it was for Justin not to have access to the house so he could work on the portrait. At least that's what he told him. And now; just after 10:30, Justin stepped back and looked at the completed work; he sighed in relief and then smiled in satisfaction and, not realizing the time, went in search of Brian to tell him Gus' portrait was finished. Gus had turned in a long time before and Justin found Vic in the kitchen making himself a bedtime drink after he and Rodney had been out to dinner at Debbie and Carl's. And, his sister not having laid eyes on Brian in so long, Vic was hardly surprised that Debbie brought the man into the conversation. - O - “So ... what was that all about ... the last minute request to look after Gus?” she'd asked him when she'd got Vic on his own and her brother grinned at her. Debbie had been burning to ask Vic what was going on, but it was Rodney who'd collected Gus and picked Vic up from the U-Haul depot when he'd returned the van and then taken them both back to WV. “Just concerned for Gus ... that's all ...” she continued and Vic nodded. “You can't help yourself ... can you?” “Why don't you just come right out and ask me how he is ... because you still care about him ... and don't deny it ...” Vic stabbed his finger at her; cutting her off as she was about to do just that, but Debbie wasn't about to admit that she did still care and she harrumphed. “I bet there was a guy involved ...” “Well ... actually ... yes ... there was ...” “Knew it ...” came Debbie back; triumphantly. “A young man Brian was helping to get away from a guy who tried to rape him ... if you must know ...” stated Vic; knowing it really wasn't his place to reveal Justin's business, but he just hated Debbie being down on Brian for no good reason. For he'd lived under Brian's roof for the past three years and he'd seen the man go through hell and back. And he'd seen too how Brian had finally been able to be a Father to Gus and just how much the man was capable of giving; despite what others might think. “Saint Brian ...” “When the fuck are you going to let up on him?” Vic demanded; lowering his voice. “Hasn't he paid enough ...” “After what he did to Michael ...” “Like giving him the very means that allowed him to purchase the comic book store and encourage him to go for it ... because if you remember ... if Brian hadn't given Michael that Captain Astro first edition ... he'd never have been able to raise the money ...” for auctioning the comic on Ebay had brought in the $10,000 necessary for Michael to take over the lease. “And what about the Brian who made sure Lindz' and Mel's wedding went ahead after all ... or who got Ted off that porn website charge ... or gave up his parental rights to his son so that Gus' two Mom's would get back together ... did you ever think about that Brian?” Vic demanded and Debbie didn't have an answer for him. Vic had then returned to the house in WV, having said goodnight to Rodney as the man went off to do his relief shift at the Liberty House Hospice and, having made dinner for himself and Gus, Brian had disappeared upstairs and was nowhere to be seen and Justin sighed; that wasn't unusual lately. “Brian's upstairs ... working out ...” Vic informed him. “Why don't you go up ... I'm sure he'd want to know you've finished ... I'm dying to see it ... but I promise not to before Brian does first ...” and he poured the hot milk out the pan and into his mug. “You want one?” Vic asked him, but Justin shook his head. “In that case ... if you'll excuse me ... I have a date with Joan Crawford ...” Vic informed him, smiling and heading off to bed. Justin hesitated and thought about putting it off until the morning, but decided he couldn't wait any longer to see Brian's reaction and he made his way upstairs; there had originally been five large en-suite bedrooms in the house, but one of them had been made over to a small gym; after the accident, Brian still wanted to keep fit, but there was no way he could go somewhere public. Making his way down the hall, he could hear the TV on low in Vic's room; there was only one door slightly open and Justin knocked before going in, but Brian didn't hear him: he had his eyes closed, earphones in and was listening to music as he worked out on the treadmill. Wearing only shorts and gym shoes, Brian was keeping a steady pace and breathing rhythmically. He'd obviously been working out for some time; his body glistened, with sweat trickling down between his shoulder blades. And, as he stood watching him, Justin felt himself harden and briefly closed his eyes; not knowing whether to stay or back off. But in the end he just couldn't leave or tear his eyes away. Justin continued to watch Brian for several minutes, but suddenly, as if realizing someone was there, Brian opened his eyes and turned his head and, for what seemed like an eternity, they held each other's gaze. Eventually, Brian looked away and reaching for the controls, reduced the speed and gradually, the machine slowed down enough for him to safely step off and he took out the earphones and put the Walkman on the chair and picked up a towel; wiping his face and wondering what the younger man wanted and just how long he'd been standing there. “Gus' portrait ... it's finished ...” said Justin, trying not to look embarrassed; knowing Brian realized he'd probably been watching him for some while and the older man nodded; putting the towel around his neck. “I look forward to seeing it ...” Brian stated, genuinely and he smiled; waiting for Justin to continue: he obviously had no intention of leaving. Justin swallowed; “This is quite a set up you've got here ...” and he gestured around the room; as well as the treadmill, there were weights, a Stair-master and a spinning bike. “Well ... if you ever want to work out ...” Justin smiled and shook his head in amazement. “What ... what is it?” Brian asked him; frowning. “You,” Justin informed him. “You let me use the pool ... offer me somewhere to live ... your gym ... you wouldn't think I was just hired to paint a portrait ...” and now it was Brian who closed his eyes and he looked away; not wanting Justin to read them; wondering if the younger man would ever work out he was so much more than hired help and Justin blinked: Brian hadn't been quite quick enough. “It isn't just me ... is it?” Justin asked him, suddenly feeling so sure he'd read the man right and Brian turned back to face him. After a moment, Justin turned away, but only to close the door and he moved towards the older man who was still standing, motionless, in the middle of the room. Slowly and holding Brian's gaze, Justin reached out and pulled the towel away from Brian's neck and shoulders and dropped it on the floor. Brian's chest, though not overly muscular, was nicely defined. But it was his still slim waist; his strong legs, arms and shoulders that had caught Justin's attention the most; well, for now, anyhow. And the young man reached out for him. Brian backed away and Justin momentarily closed his eyes; maybe he'd made a terrible mistake after all. The older man's blood was still pumping in his veins from his workout and Brian was sure his heart was pounding loud enough for the younger man to hear and it wasn't just from the exercise with Justin being this near. How could he be this close to Justin and not want him and indeed the younger man was more sure than ever that he could read exactly what Brian was thinking and now, up on tiptoes, Justin reached up to kiss him, but Brian stepped back. Justin ran his fingers through his hair. “I know it's not just me ... you can't stand there and tell me ... after everything you've done for me that you don't care ... that you don't have any feelings ...” But Brian was already walking out the door and making his way to his bedroom; but Justin knew; he just knew how the man felt. This time, those hazel eyes hadn't disguised the man's feelings, however much he tried. Knowing he was risking everything; his new home and whatever tentative relationship he had with Brian, Justin followed him: closing the bedroom door behind him and Brian turned to face him. “What the fuck are you doing ...” “Seeing through your bullshit,” replied Justin; determined the man would acknowledge how it really was between them and then he continued. “You take me into your home ... practically treat me like family ... smash the fuck outta Burrows ...” and Brian looked at him in surprise. “Don't think I didn't know what you were going to do ... the marks on your hand told me well enough afterwards ...” “You move me in ... let me spend your fucking money ... making sure I had everything I needed ... and now ... when I ... I'm just feet away from you all the time ... you act like I'm not here ... you're never around ... you don't even come to see how Gus' portrait is progressing ...” “Will you keep your voice down ... you'll wake Gus ...” Brian instructed him, but he knew how right Justin was. “You want me ... just the way I want you ...” Justin stated and he moved closer to him; this time, Brian, taken a little aback by Justin's determination didn't move away; was rooted to the spot and Justin reached out and put his hand behind Brian's head. “Are you really telling me that you don't want me ... that you've not felt this since the first time we met ... after all ... you thought I was a trick ... you wanted me then ...” and he reached up to him. And they both knew he was right; that it was inevitable. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The kiss they'd shared previously had been tender and gentle, but this time, Brian grabbed the blond by the back of the neck and pressed his mouth against Justin's; hard and bruising: tilting his head first one way and then the other for maximum impact; all the while undoing Justin's jeans. Gasping for breath, Justin pulled back and grabbing the hem of his tee, brought it up over his head and threw it on the floor. Brian quickly toed off his sneakers and then pulled down his shorts and stepped out of them and pushed Justin back on the bed so that he could pull off the younger man's shoes and socks, quickly followed by jeans and underclothes and then he climbed up beside him. Justin surveyed Brian's naked body as the man moved towards him and felt himself harden further; “Fuck me,” Justin commanded; his voice low and rasping and he reached out and grabbed the other man's hair. The desire in those eyes was undeniable; usually bright blue, they were now dark and smoldering and Brian smiled; he was more than happy to oblige. He'd been wanting and anticipating this since the first time they met and couldn't understand why he'd been holding off; why Justin had been so different. But then the more he got to know him, the more terrified Brian had become that Justin would see the real Brian Kinney and run a mile. But he didn't give a damn about that now; that was for another time. Right now he just needed to be inside the man lying on his bed and though Justin didn't often bottom these days, on this occasion, he desperately wanted Brian to take him; needing to feel him pounding away inside and the blond rolled over onto his stomach and pulled the pillow under his chest: hugging it tightly. Reaching quickly into the top drawer of the nightstand for condoms and lube; hands slightly shaking, Brian desperately tore open the packet with his teeth and sheathed himself and then applied lube, inserting some inside Justin; a little too roughly he knew, but Justin gasped in pleasure; wanting it that way. Justin wanted to be fucked; hard; fast and deep and, from behind, Brian had to admit, Justin's bubble butt was glorious and he placed his hands on the younger man's buttocks and spread them. Brian knew he should try and slow down; to savor this, but Justin had other ideas and feeling Brian start to enter him, pushed himself backwards; thrusting himself onto Brian's cock and crying out in undisguised pleasure. And now it was Brian's fingers gripping Justin's hair, the other hand on his thigh as Brian leaned back and thrust his pelvis forward; his movements soon becoming faster and pushing deeper; riding him hard and Justin let out soft gasps of delight. Brian wrapped his arms around Justin's waist and with a huge effort, pulled him upright and then sat the young man down on his haunches: on top of Brian's thighs and impaling him. The older man had entered him as far as was physically possible and, reaching around, Brian took the blond's cock in his hand. With Justin's back lying against his chest, Brian tried to match the strokes; bringing their throbbing, pulsating rhythm into unison and Brian knew he was close to the edge. Leaning back against Brian, his head on the man's shoulder and taking his weight, Justin's world was a mixture of sensations. He could smell the unmistakable scent of sweat and sex, but he couldn't hear anything other than his own blood pounding in his head and he couldn't see anything; unable to focus his vision: everything in a mist of ecstasy. And all he could feel was Brian's hot body inside him; surrounding him: overtaking him completely. Of course he'd been fucked before, but never like this; never as deep and as penetrating: as if Brian was reaching somewhere so far inside Justin that he touched his very core. With the blond head leaning on his shoulder, Brian continued to thrust upwards; Justin moaning with every stroke, though he didn't realize he was doing so and, taking the younger man's cock and feeling its hardness, Brian slid his hand up and down the length several times before stopping; running the palm of his hand hard over the head before coming back to the root; delighting in hearing the sounds of pleasure as Justin came, sending spurts of cum onto the bedclothes. Justin had reached around and put his hand behind Brian's head, trying to pull him forwards: as if trying to push Brian inside him even further; as if he just couldn't get enough of him: would never get enough. And just when he thought it was impossible to get any better, Brian felt Justin tighten around him and thought he might explode with pleasure as his orgasm coursed through the whole of Brian's body; making him tingle: as if an electric shock had passed through him. And he could feel the younger man's desperation; wanting him; needing him and he hated to admit it, but it felt so damn good. Feeling the younger man shuddering against him, Brian rode his orgasm until he filled the condom and, finally letting Justin go, the younger man fell forward; experiencing the most pleasurable sensation of Brian's withdrawal, but then Justin moaned at the loss of contact; every nerve ending feeling like he was being stabbed with thousands of minute pins. Brian collapsed down on the bed beside him; totally spent; trying to recover his breath and clear his head of the mists that were clouding his vision and to try and hear what the younger man was saying. “I'm glad ... I'm glad we got that ... outta the way ...” said Justin, fighting for breath and Brian blinked; trying to understand him as he slowly took off the condom and reached out for the trashcan nearby. “Wha ... what did ... you say?” Brian asked him between gasps. Smiling, Justin turned and leaned over him. “I said ... I'm glad we got that outta the way ...” Brian rolled his lips into his mouth and then, with momentous effort, turned onto his side and pushed himself into a sitting position: his back now to Justin. “So ... it was just a fuck ... after all ...” Brian stated quietly; almost to himself and he shook his head and wondered why was he so surprised and how could he be so stupid to even think he might hope it would be something more. It sounded like he was being dismissed after servicing Justin; an object of pleasure required to satisfy some acute physical need and although in the past, Brian had discharged his tricks similarly after he'd done with them, he'd never been on the receiving end before. But he'd thought this time had somehow been different, that he'd obviously misunderstood when he'd looked into the younger man's eyes and seen the longing; he thought he'd seen more than the man just wanting a quick, shallow fuck. But obviously,he'd been mistaken after all. Suddenly, Justin realized what Brian was thinking and he quickly moved beside him, putting his hand on the man's shoulder. “That's not what I meant ..” Justin tried to reassure him and he reached around and put his hand under Brian's chin and brought him around to face him. “You wanna know why I'm glad we got that outta the way?” Justin asked him and Brian shrugged; trying to hide the disappointment on his face. Justin smiled. “So that next time ... we can make love ...” he whispered. For although the need to be fucked by Brian had been so strong, what he really wanted from this beautiful man with hazel eyes; eyes that spoke volumes, was something a whole lot more and he moved in and covered Brian's mouth with his own, but he felt Brian hold back and Justin broke contact and looked up at him: he frowned as the older man slightly shook his head. “I'm not sure ...” and Brian looked away; unable or unwilling to finish his sentence. Justin didn't need Brian to explain any further; after all, he'd heard Vic say Brian had once been the stud of Liberty Avenue. He'd obviously had every man he'd ever gone after, but he was still on his own. The man fucked; he didn't know how to make love or, at least, he didn't think so. But Bringing Brian back to face him, Justin's eyes told him everything he needed to know; that Justin might just possibly turn out to be someone he was capable of making love with; that maybe he shouldn't be afraid any longer. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Brian's powers of recovery still functioned like a man in his twenties, but Justin gave him plenty of time to get his second wind and gently pushing the older man back down onto the bed, he started at Brian's toes and slowly, stroked, caressed and kissed his way up the man's body: Brian first lying on his stomach and then allowing Justin to roll him over; feeling sweet, tender kisses along his spine and Brian felt like he was falling: spiraling out of control. Closing his eyes, Brian wallowed in Justin's tender strokes; could this really be happening: could he allow this to happen? Could he really let go of all those years of not allowing himself to ever feel; believing he was incapable? After a childhood of abuse and witnessing years of a cold loveless marriage between his parents, Brian had never thought love was real; that he didn't believe in it and that it was only something straight people told themselves they were in, in order to get laid: a love based on lies that would only lead to heartache. But Justin's ministrations were so gentle and loving and yet so unfamiliar and it would be hard not to admit he had feelings for him; as the younger man obviously had for him; he could feel it in the blond's caress: for indeed the young man had touched him and not just physically. Brian looked back over his shoulder as Justin reached the nape of his neck; allowing their mouths to come together and then Brian took over. It felt as if he were doing this for the very first time; the first time in his entire life. For Brian had never made love with a man until Justin came along and how different it now was. Brian felt the connection; the connection that Justin had already experienced as he allowed the blond to touch him in ways no man ever had and then Brian touched Justin; running his hands up and down the length of his body; really feeling him; kissing him: that soft skin and hair bleached even lighter by the summer sun. And when Justin smiled at him; with those huge blue eyes, Brian knew then he would never be the same again. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Justin settled back down on the pillows; a little down from the headboard: allowing him to watch Brian, and this time when Brian reached out for condom and lube, once the packet had been opened, Justin reached out to take it and he carefully rolled it onto Brian's cock. Brian gasped and closed his eyes as Justin covered him in lube and he opened his eyes to see the young man smiling; reveling in the pleasure so apparent on Brian's face at his merest touch. It was then Brian's turn, and he covered his fingers in lube. Justin pulled his knees into his chest, allowing Brian access to his hole and the man, gently this time, administered the cool, slippery substance. Brian leaned forward and Justin wrapped his legs around Brian's back; feeling him enter him only a little at first. But, with every thrust; this time slow and allowing both men to experience the sensations fully: Justin could feel him go deeper and deeper and Brian reached down to kiss him. Justin tightened his grip with his thighs, willing Brian in further and he put his hands behind Brian's neck; coming up to meet him and prolonging the kiss; never wanting it to stop: never wanting to let Brian go and he ran his hand down Brian's ribs; feeling the man shudder in pleasure under his touch. Brian took Justin's hand; their fingers entwined and he paused; the two men held each other's gaze and Justin saw the fear that Brian couldn't disguise. Justin smiled and with his free hand, reached out to stroke Brian's face and, for the first time, Brian didn't pull back as fingers gently eased their way through his beard and the younger man saw the fear slowly disappear under his caress. And now Brian knew he was probably lost forever and leaning forward; continuing to thrust longer and harder now. And between thrusts, he kissed Justin's face and neck; smothering the young man with dozens of light, sweet kisses; kisses that were returned unconditionally. Justin's own needs were over taking him and, reaching down between them, he took his cock in his hand; matching Brian's thrusts to his own hard tugs. But almost on the edge already, it wasn't long before Justin came; covering Brian's stomach with cum. And for the first time, Brian heard himself whisper Justin's name and heard his own name on the younger man's lips; feeling the intense intimacy between them; intimacy never felt or even sought after before. But with Justin it seemed so natural and welcome. Feeling his climax fast approaching, Brian leaned down to kiss Justin again; the younger man sharing his orgasm; a consummation of their feelings for each other; feelings not yet voiced but apparent all the same. And then it happened; the roaring sound that reached a crescendo before crashing around them; engulfing them. Totally anticipated and yet nothing like either of them had ever experienced with any other man. Both men reaching out to each other; discovering things about themselves they never knew. For it wasn't only Justin's body Brian had entered, it was the young man's very being and for Brian, it was awakening a part of him he didn't know existed. After the bashing, Justin had his rebirth through his art; this was Brian's. Brought alive; for the very first time, by the beautiful blue-eyed blond whose love for him Brian couldn't now deny or ignore. And falling asleep, sated and complete; his face buried in Justin's neck, Brian knew he could never go back to how he was before. He once may have thought he didn't know how to make love. How wrong he'd been. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “Tell me about these ...” Justin asked him quietly, the sun barely starting to shine in through the windows as he felt the ridges and Brian blinked. Justin's sensitive fingers had found the scars he'd guessed were there and were the reason why Brian hid behind his beard. When he'd woken, Brian was alone and, for a few moments, wondered if last night had just been a beautiful dream and he closed his eyes in disappointment. And then he heard the bathroom door open and Justin; naked and pale in the watery sunlight, walked over to the bed: smiling at him. Brian's heart leapt and he tried hard not to grin like a loon as the memory of their lovemaking came flooding back: remembering every kiss, touch and lick that the two men shared, but still not fully believing it had actually happened. Kneeling on the bed beside him, Justin leaned over and kissed Brian; “Good morning ...” “Good morning ... though it's hardly that ...” came the reply and Brian realized this was the first time he'd woken up with another man that he wasn't in a hurry to have leave and Justin lay back down beside him and there was a comfortable silence; broken only by Justin's concerned words as he reached for the older man; caressing his face. “I was in a car accident ...” Brian said, eventually and he shrugged, as if trying to dismiss the incident out of hand. “Must have been pretty bad ... was there any one else involved ...” and Justin continued to run his fingers along Brian's jaw line, apparently not repulsed by what he felt there. Brian closed his eyes; hating the thought of lying to Justin, but perhaps he could just be economical with the truth. “My friend ... Mikey ... was with me ... we both ended up in the hospital ... but he had mostly bad bruising and a concussion ...” Justin bit his lip; Mikey. This surely had to be Michael; Vic's nephew. So maybe the accident had been the cause of the breakup of their friendship. “Sounds like you were lucky ...” offered Justin, but Brian just rolled his lips into his mouth, intent on not continuing this particular conversation; a hint that Justin picked up without any trouble. So instead, Justin went back to what he did best; after his art, of course. And then the two men fell asleep again; not wanting to recognize the new day: neither of them really eager to bring this night to a close. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Vic was up pretty early and put on the coffee before going into the utility room and starting off the laundry and he leaned against the washing machine. There was something he wanted to tell Brian and he wasn't sure how the man would take it. Going back into the kitchen, he found Gus pouring out two mugs of coffee and he frowned. “Gus ... careful ... that's hot ...” said Vic, worried the boy might burn himself and he made his way over to the counter in order to watch over him. “And why the two cups ... you know you're too young for coffee ...” but the boy shook his head as he carefully placed the mugs on a tray. “It's not for me ... it's for Dad and Justin ...” came the answer and Gus picked up the tray, careful not to let the mugs spill. Vic put his hand lightly on the boy's shoulder. “And where exactly are you going with those?” Vic asked him; almost expecting the answer. “Dad's room ...” On getting up, Gus had gone into his Dad's bedroom to wake him and there, in his Father's bed, he found them. They were sound asleep; Justin lying on his side with his back to Brian and leaning into him and Brian's arm protectively around the younger man: both men totally unaware that Gus had walked in on them; a situation that apparently the boy hadn't found surprising. “Okay ...” stated Vic and he carefully took the tray out of Gus' hands. “Why don't you let me do that while you go down and give Buttons his breakfast ... I bet he's missing you ...” “I guess I could ...” came the reply and complying with Vic's request, Gus let himself out of the back door and made his way to the stables. Vic sighed in relief. So, it would seem Justin spent the night with Brian. Not totally unexpected and definitely desirable as far as Vic was concerned. And though Gus had grown up seeing his two Mom's together and had never been shielded from seeing two people of the same sex openly showing displays of affection, Vic wasn't sure how Brian would feel if his son just walked in on him with Justin; especially if they were occupied. Besides, this was an opportunity Vic couldn't miss out on. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ With the sun now fully up, they'd taken it into the bathroom; Justin's caress arousing Brian once more and the younger man teasingly withdrew, saying he was going to take a shower: Brian had followed. Vic could hear the unmistakable sounds of sex, even over the sound of the water running and he grinned to himself as he placed the tray with the mugs of coffee on the nightstand; a little disappointed that Brian wasn't there to see his knowing look. “Oh oh ... looks like we've been sprung ...” and Justin indicated the mugs, as carrying a towel and with another wrapped around his waist, he stepped back into the bedroom and began to dry his hair. Brian hesitated in the doorway and groaned; he'd been hoping last night wouldn't be too obvious to anyone else, or at least give him a chance to mention it first. But now it was too late and he knew Vic wouldn't let him hear the end of it; that Justin had finally got to him and that for once, he knew that for Brian it wasn't just about sex. For if it had been, last night would have happened a hell of a lot sooner. Brian's saw Justin's smiling face as the younger man took a sip of the hot liquid and looking very much at home and Brian felt a tightness in his chest. How had he let this blond beauty get under the wire; after everything he used to tell himself; after everything he swore he believed in. That he never needed anyone; that he never fucked the same guy twice and here he'd made love with Justin all night. Brian blinked; had he really thought they'd made love and could he be ready for this? Because if he wasn't careful, Justin was bound to think there was now a bond between them; a relationship even. And even if this was indeed the truth, admitting it to the world was a whole different ball game, for Brian wasn't even sure he could admit it to himself: would ever be able to. Pulling on his jeans, Justin watched as Brian took off his own towel and began to dress. He was so beautiful; why the hell had he been hiding himself away all this time. But then Justin suddenly realized guiltily, that he was glad he had; otherwise someone else might have got there first and denied Justin the chance to get close to this beautiful and mysterious man. “I can't wait for breakfast ... I'm starving ... I seem to have worked up an appetite ...” grinned Justin and he slipped on his shoes: Brian hesitated. “It's okay ... you don't have to wait for me ... why don't you go ahead ... go down without me ...” instructed Brian, dismissively and he sat down on the bed to tie up the laces on his sneakers; giving him the opportunity of not having to look at Justin. The blond swallowed. Was Brian sending him down on his own because he didn't want Vic or Gus seeing them together; as a couple? Justin sighed; he'd hoped after last night; how close they had become, that Brian would see that was exactly how they should be. Justin was more than willing to give it a go; believing that this could be the man he'd been waiting for all his life, but suddenly, he felt Brian backing off. Had they got this close only to have Brian pull away again? He surely couldn't deny what they'd shared. But Justin watched Brian as the older man moved around the bedroom and saw the set expression on his face; like a mask that had been put in place; Brian anxious to hide his feelings. And so desperately disappointed, but deciding not to push it any further for now, Justin made his way downstairs: alone. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Vic's grin soon disappeared as he saw first the expression on Justin's face and then the look on Brian's and Justin excused himself; saying he had stuff to do and wouldn't be staying for breakfast. Vic watched him go out the door and looked back at Brian; unwilling to say anything in front of Gus, who'd come back from the stables and Brian reached for coffee and toast; the latter remaining uneaten on his plate as Brian fought the acid that threatened to rise up from his stomach. “Dad ... I need some new sneakers ... can we go shopping?” Gus asked him, but Brian shook his head. “I'm gonna be busy today ... perhaps Vic can take you ...” and he picked up his coffee cup and disappeared to the study: Vic watched him go. “Gus ... when you've finished your breakfast ... go up and brush your teeth ... then I'll take you into town ...” Vic informed him; his hand resting on the boy's arm and Gus tried to hide his disappointment. His Dad had seemed so much happier just lately, he'd hoped he'd want to take him shopping instead of Vic; they'd never been together before; just the two of them. And, not for the first time, did Gus wonder why he never did the usual stuff other kids do with their Dads. Leaving Gus in the kitchen, Vic followed Brian into the study. “Don't ask ...” Brian instructed before Vic managed to speak and Brian sat down behind the desk and fired up the laptop, but Vic wasn't about to let this go. “Are you going to tell me nothing happened ... I know Justin spent the night ... and so does your son ...” Brian looked at him and closed his eyes. Shit. He knew how much Gus liked Justin and was maybe even getting used to having him around and Brian sighed. Who was he trying to kid? It wasn't only Gus who enjoyed Justin's company. “... the son I'm taking shopping ... when it should be you ...” Vic continued, pointedly and he turned to leave, but before walking out the door, he turned back. “By the way ... have you taken a look at Gus' portrait ... I believe it's complete ...” Brian's heart lurched and he closed his eyes. The portrait; with what had happened last night, he'd actually forgotten about it, but he waited until he heard Vic and Gus drive away before going into the conservatory. Brian took a deep breath and slowly walked around in front of the picture and he gasped. It was wonderful; his son's likeness exactly and he closed his eyes. Justin was so talented; so beautiful and, if he wasn't mistaken, had some very genuine feelings for him and what the hell was he going to do. Because talent like this shouldn't be confined to doing portrait work and relatively inconsequential art shows. A gift like Justin's would surely take him away and could he stand that; could Brian stand allowing himself to fall in love with Justin, only to have the young man leave him, as one day he would be bound to do so. For with talent like this, the world was his for the taking. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Brian must have stood staring at the portrait for twenty minutes; staring at it through misty eyes and knew he had to acknowledge just how good it was. He knew that eventually, Justin's talent would be spotted and he'd be given offers to go who knows where and that however much Justin was paid for this commission, it would never be enough, for the portrait's value was incalculable. But craft like this just couldn't be ignored and Brian took a deep breath before making his way to the garage. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ After leaving the house and going back to his rooms, Justin had lost his appetite for breakfast and had tried to paint, but couldn't settle and didn't know whether he should start packing, even though he'd only just moved in. If Brian was going to continue to push him away, what was the point of ever imagining there could be anything real between them and he didn't think he could live this close to the man and keep his feelings to himself. And then he heard the quiet knock on the door. “Can I come in?” Brian asked him, when Justin opened the door and then stepped back. “It's your place ...” he stated coldly, but Brian shook his head. “It's your home too ...” the older man came back at him and Justin frowned and wondered whether that was Brian telling him that despite his reaction this morning, that he indeed wanted him to stay. But there were other words on the tip of Brian's tongue, for he had almost completed his sentence with 'for as long as you want it', but he didn't want to remind even himself that Justin's stay here might be fleeting and Brian made his way into the middle of the room and then turned to face him. “I just looked at the portrait ... it's beautiful ...” said Brian huskily and Justin thought he heard the catch in the man's voice; the one emotion Brian could never deny: the love that shone through when he was discussing anything remotely connected to his son. “I'm glad you like it ...” stated Justin and he managed a smile. “He's a great kid ... but I never really thought he'd sit through all those sessions ...” and he chuckled; Brian smiled back. “That's because he likes you ...” “Maybe ...” Justin agreed. “But I think it's more likely because he knew it was for you ... he loves you ... really loves you ...” and then Justin knew he had to take the chance: it was all or nothing. “And he's not the only one ...” he stated quietly. Brian closed his eyes. “Justin ... you don't know me ...” “How can you say that ... after what we did ... how you made love to me ...” the blond asked him, but Brian shook his head. “You think what we did was love?” “I know it was ...” stated Justin, emphatically, but Brian wouldn't confirm it. “All we did was fuck each other's brains out ...” Brian came back at him, but Justin didn't believe him and didn't really think Brian did either. “It was love to me ... and I think it was to you too ...” “Justin ... I ...” and Brian ran his hand through his hair and he sighed. Crossing the floor, Justin walked up to him and was now just inches away. “Are you really going to stand there and deny it?” challenged Justin, quietly. “Can you really look me in the eye and tell me you feel absolutely nothing?” and he looked up at the older man and Brian thought he might drown in those blue eyes, but he couldn't answer him. “Well ... I don't hear you denying it ...” stated Justin. But the truth was Brian couldn't speak; for if he did, if he truly denied he felt nothing, then he would be lying and Justin knew it and Brian looked away. “Thought so ...” said Justin and he reached out and put his hand on the other man's chest. “I don't know why it is you think you can't acknowledge what we both feel ... would it really be so unbelievable ... you and me?” he asked him. “You're a lot younger than me ...” offered Brian lamely and Justin chuckled. “Is that it ... is that your excuse why we can't be together ... you'll have to do better than that ...” and he looked up at him and reaching out, stroked Brian's face. “I wish I knew why you're holding back ...” said Justin softy and why it is you're so afraid thought the younger man and he frowned. “Is it because you're this rich ... successful writer ... and I'm just ...” “You're not JUST anything ...” interrupted Brian and walking away from him. “You're incredibly talented ... and one day the world will get to see just how much ...” “Maybe ... but I'm beginning to think ...” “Justin ... there's no maybe ... you should have more faith in yourself ... you saw the reaction you got at the art show ... it's only time ...” “And until then?” “Until then ... you keep on doing what you're doing ... become the best you can be ...” Justin sighed and looked down and Brian moved back towards him and put his hand beneath the blond's chin and brought him up to face him. “Isn't that the best way to get back at everyone who ever bullied you ... hated you because you were gay ... Hobbs ... your Father ... and be the best homosexual you can ... because if there's one thing guaranteed to piss off straight folks ... it's a successful fag ...” Justin met Brian's gaze and knew every word he said was true, but there was still something else he wanted an answer to. “And what about us?” Justin asked him and now Brian sighed and looked away. “Don't say there is no us ... without giving us a chance ... won't you at least do that ... what have you got to lose?” Brian blinked; what indeed. Only his sanity, that's what. But looking at the love that just shone out of those blue eyes; that oozed from every pore, Brian could hear that little voice telling him to take that chance: to let Justin in and see what happened. Because who knows. Because once upon a time, Brian didn't even think he'd love his son; that all had been required was for him to jerk off in a cup and that would be the end of it. But having been born, despite every fear he'd had about turning into his own Father, Brian discovered that Gus had become the most precious thing in his life. What if the same could be said about Justin? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “I have to make sure Brian really believes I love him ... that I'm not just coming on to him because of who he is ... that I'm taking advantage of him and what he can give me ...” stated Justin as he scoured the employment pages in the local newspaper. He'd been thinking over their conversation and even though Brian was right; that he was quite a lot older, that was no reason why they couldn't make it work. But he needed an income; he couldn't just wait around and trust in fate and Justin had gone into town to catch up with Daphne and they were seated in her kitchen; a pot of coffee on the table between them. “I'm sure he doesn't think that way,” stated his friend as she picked up her cup. “Perhaps ... but I need to pay my own way Daph ... it isn't that he's letting me stay there rent free ... it's everything else ... power ... light ... even feeding me ...” “No ... until whatever's gonna happen happens ... I need to get a job so that I can be independent ... let Brian see I can stand on my own two feet ... that I don't have to rely on him for everything ... that I'm with him because I want to be ... not because I need him to support me ...” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Despite Brian's reluctance to admit it was anything other than the sex they shared, Justin was learning. There were things that he did that Brian just couldn't ignore: like sitting on the desk so that he was in Brian's line of vision as he worked; or going around behind him and nuzzling his neck; or joining Brian when he was working out; hot bodies, exercising together: moves guaranteed to get Brian's attention and get him into bed. The sex was fantastic; that would never be an issue. But it was getting Brian to admit that Justin had got inside his head and his heart that was Justin's biggest challenge. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Having spent a successful day at the zoo, Brian had relented and was now far more agreeable to going out and doing things with Gus and was surprised to find that the more they did, the easier it became. And sometimes, Justin went out with them, but always making sure Brian was happy for him to do so. Justin knew how Brian cherished the time he spent with Gus and didn't want to encroach on that, but it would seem that both Kinney males liked having him around, even if Gus was a little more vocal about stating that fact. But Brian told him in other ways. And now, with the summer holidays having gathered speed, suddenly, Lindsay was on her way back to collect Gus in good time to start the new school year. And though she'd heard very good reports about the portrait, she never expected to find the young artist installed in the rooms above the garage. Gus talked a lot about Justin on the trip back to the house from the airport and Lindsay looked over at Brian and smiled. “Well ... I'm looking forward to meeting this young man ...” and she saw how Brian rolled his lips into his mouth and glanced out of the window; unable to look back at her. And then Lindsay saw the portrait and she gasped. “My God ... I never realized he was this talented ...” she stated and she sat down in the nearest chair as she studied it; Brian smiled. Somehow, hearing other people praise Justin's work made him swell up with pride. “Well ... as an art teacher and gallery manager ... I'm sure Justin will appreciate any input ...” offered Brian. “You should see his other work, Lindsay ... he's incredible ... it's hard to think someone still so young can have such a gift ...” Lindsay turned to face him; never hearing Brian speak about anyone in the tone he'd just used to describe Justin and his work; a tender and gentle tone that surely gave him away. “Well ... you seem pretty taken with him ...” she observed and knowing he could never successfully lie to one of his oldest friends, Brian avoided her gaze. “Brian Kinney ... if I didn't know you better ... I'd say you'd got feelings for this young man ...” and when Brian didn't confirm or deny, Lindsay continued. “Well ... he really must be something special ... I'd like to meet him for myself ...” and, no time like the present, Lindsay headed for the garage. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “So ... Justin Taylor ... I've been hearing such good things about you ...” and Lindsay entered Justin's rooms at his invitation and looked around; Justin's artwork now covering the walls. “This is wonderful work ... Justin ... may I call you Justin?” Lindsay asked him over her shoulder as she studied first one piece and then the next. “Sure ... and thanks ... thanks for the commission ... to do Gus' portrait ...” “No ... thank you ... I'm so glad it was you ... you've done a marvelous job ... it's beautiful ...” “Oh ... here ...” and Lindsay reached into her purse and took out the check. “I'm sorry you had to wait for it ...” “Thanks ... that's okay ... he's a great kid ...” Lindsay nodded. “He likes you too ... couldn't stop talking about you on the way back from the airport ...” and Lindsay leaned against the back of the sofa. “And I think Brian's taken quite a shine to you himself ...” Lindz grinned at him; Justin frowned. “Has he said anything?” he asked her, eagerly. “A little ... but it's more what he didn't say ...” replied Lindsay and Justin smiled back; maybe he was starting to get through to him after all. “You wouldn't mind ... would you ... only I know you're pretty close ...” he asked her. “No ... of course not ... why should I? ... I never thought it would happen ... that's all ...” and then her smile disappeared as she studied him. He was a very beautiful young man and obviously passionate about his art. But when he'd asked whether Brian mentioned him, she'd seen how anxious he was to think the man might mention him to an old friend; Justin's sincerity was obvious, but did the young man know what he was letting himself in for? And could he love a man who never thought he wanted to be in love? “You will be careful ... won't you Justin ... only Brian doesn't love easily ... in fact ...” and Lindsay paused before she continued; deciding to take Justin into her confidence. “In fact I've never known Brian to be in love ...” “What ... never?” Justin asked her in surprise and Lindsay shook her head. “He didn't exactly have an easy childhood ... it's left him distrustful ... cynical even ... it's going to take a lot of hard work to dispel everything he's ever believed in ... and then after the accident ...” Lindsay stopped; she'd probably said too much already, but Justin was eager to know more. “What happened? I know Brian's face is scarred ... and that his friend Michael was with him at the time ... and I think they fell out over it ...” Lindsay shook her head. “Yes ... they did and it was a very painful time ... but something that only Brian should really talk about ...” “But isn't they're anything you can tell me ... so that I know exactly what I'm dealing with ... so that I can get through to him?” and Lindsay could hear the pleading in Justin's voice and she could see in his eyes just how much he wanted to help the man he loved. “Let's just say that everyone blamed Brian for the accident ... and he and Michael haven't spoken since ...” “But an accident is just that ... an accident ...” stated Justin, unable to believe how a close friendship could be ruined by such an event but Lindsay put up her hand to stop him. “That's all I'm prepared to say, Justin ... if you want any more you're going to have to ask Brian ...” and then she smiled at him. “But I have this feeling that if anyone's ever going to reach him ... then it'll be you ...” Justin smiled and scratched behind his ear; if only Lindsay was staying longer, he might be able to learn more from her: she could be a good ally in his quest. “How long are you here?” asked Justin; wondering if he would get a further chance to talk to her. “We go back tomorrow afternoon ... it's going to be hard for Brian ... this time more than than ever I really think he's going to miss Gus ...” “I'll do what I can ...” Justin promised her and she smiled. “Yes ... I'm sure you will ...” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “What is it with those two?” whispered Lindsay, as she poured herself a cold drink from the jug and she sat down at the patio table; Vic joined her: knowing exactly what she was referring to. “They're in love,” stated Vic, glancing first at Brian and then over at Justin. Brian was horsing around in the pool with Gus and Justin was sitting on a lounger by the side of the pool, sketchbook and pencil in hand. “Only Brian won't admit it ...” and Vic shook his head as he poured out a drink for himself. “Is Justin serious about him ... only with everything that Brian's been through ... I'd hate to think he might actually have feelings for him only to find out Justin's been pulling his chain all along ... just to get free board and lodgings ...” Vic shook his head. “Oh Justin's serious all right ... you only have to see how he is when Brian's around ... it's like there's nothing else in the world that matters ...” “And Brian?” asked Lindsay, as she took a sip from her glass and Vic sighed. “Brian tries to act like there's nothing going on ... but with his history ... I can't really say I blame him for being reluctant to open up ... he just needs to trust a bit more ... himself as well as Justin ...” and Vic smiled. “Gus really likes Justin too ... and that's a good sign ... I guess we just better hope that Justin sticks around ... isn't put off by Brian's refusal to admit how he really feels ...” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “He's a really nice young man ...” observed Lindsay, as she watched Justin assist Gus as the boy helped himself to lunch from the table. Gus and Brian had got out of the pool and Gus had showered first and Brian had dried him off and was now toweling himself down. It was Gus' last day with his Dad and they'd spent the early part of the morning kicking the soccer ball around the garden before going in for a swim; Justin joining them by the pool. And Lindsay hadn't been able to ignore the way the young blond watched Brian; could hardly take his eyes off him or how Brian had to give in occasionally and meet Justin's gaze and they would both smile before looking away. “I guess ...” agreed Brian and he tried to ignore the look Lindsay was giving him as she smiled. “And cute too ...” she continued. “And it's very generous of you to let him live over the garage ...” and Lindsay reached out to put her hand on Brian's arm. “It's obvious how he feels about you ... and a blind man could see how much you think of him ...” and she sighed. “When are you going to allow yourself to feel anything?” she asked him. “If I'm not mistaken ... Justin loves you ... really loves you ... and you pretend as if nothing's going on ... like you don't feel anything or are too embarrassed to admit you have feelings for him ...” “Are you done?” Brian asked her and he tried to pull away, but Lindsay wasn't letting him. “No ... I'm not,” she informed him and she pulled him around to face her; still keeping her voice low and hopefully using Brian as a shield so that no one else could see or hear what she was saying. “God ... I never thought I'd be having this conversation with you ... telling you to reconsider every rule you've ever lived by ... but what the fuck gives you the right to be different from everyone else ... that deep down you don't need the same thing as the rest of us ... and that you're just as terrified as everyone else when it comes to it ...” “Because what have you got to lose, Brian ... other than being on your own?” she asked him. “I have Vic ...” Brian reminded her and Lindsay narrowed her eyes. “You know what I mean ... someone to share your life with ... someone to love and who loves you ...” and Brian rolled his lips into his mouth and looked at the ground: Lindsay had never been afraid to tell him how it was. “And don't go giving me any of your bullshit about not believing in love or understanding why people need each other ... need to be part of a couple ... because sometimes it's nice not to just have yourself to rely on ... to know that someone will always be there for you ... no matter how tough things get ... or to have someone to share the good times ...” and she took another breath before continuing. “All being on your own means is that you're not taking any chances ... you're taking the easy way out ... sure relationships need working at ... Christ ... look at Mel and me ... it's been hard ... it sometimes still is ... but we're together because we work at it ... because we wanna be ... and it is fucking scary ...” “But I never took you to be a coward, Brian ... so go for it ...” “If you love each other ... and I believe you do ... even if you are too damn stubborn to admit it ... for Chrissakes take that chance ... you may never get another ...” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Gus was down at the stables with Justin and saying goodbye to Buttons when Brian handed Lindsay a package. “It's Gus' birthday in a few weeks ... give him this for me ...” “Did you actually go out for it?” asked Lindsay, hoping that Brian had overcome all his fears about being out in crowds, but he shook his head. “I bought it over the internet ...” and Lindsay smiled at him: maybe it was expecting too much too soon and she took the package from him. “What is it?” “One of those video Ipods ... I believe it's a must have ...” “Brian ... you're spoiling him ... but don't you want to give it to him yourself?” Brian shook his head. “No ... it's okay ... I want him to open that on the day and know that I'm thinking about him ...” and Lindsay smiled and reached up to kiss him on the cheek. “If there's one thing I've never regretted, Brian Kinney ... it's asking you to be the Father of my child ...” “Even after everything?” asked Brian; both of them knowing he was referring to the accident. “Even after everything,” Lindsay confirmed and Brian chuckled. “Still ... I don't think Mel would agree with you ...” “Maybe not ... but she doesn't know you like I do ... and I know it was hard ... you never expected ... or even wanted to be a real Dad ... and I know we didn't exactly make it easy for you at times ... but you know what ... you're doing an okay job ...” and she smiled at him. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “Well ... this is as far as I go ...” stated Brian, as they reached the check-in desk and he handed in Gus' case and Lindsay's weekender which, after formalities, disappeared from view. “When will I see him next?” asked Brian; Gus out of earshot watching the airplanes from the window. “You know you can come up any time you like ...” stated Lindz, but Brian looked away: Lindsay sighed. “Maybe Christmas ... I'm not sure ... we like to spend some time with him during the school breaks too you know ...” and Brian nodded; yes, of course they did. But they had Gus the rest of the time: he just had him a few short weeks of the year. Brian and Lindsay looked at each other as the final call went out over the loudspeaker; they'd waited until the last possible moment in order to spend as long as possible before they left, but now Gus came trotting over to his Dad, who bent down and pulled the boy into his arms. “You be ... you be good for your Moms ...” Brian whispered; trying to hold back the tears: the last thing he wanted to do was fall apart in front of his son and in public view. “I will ...” Gus promised him and they hugged again. “Love you Dad ...” stated Gus as he took his Mom's hand and Lindsay was having problems not falling apart herself as she saw how much Brian was struggling to keep his composure. “Love you too, son ...” stated Brian and he managed a smile and ruffled the boy's hair before Lindz squeezed Gus' hand. “Come on Gus ... time to go ...” and with one final hug and kiss, Lindz moved away: Gus waved at him from the gate. Brian just about made it to the parking lot before falling apart; thankful for the tinted windows of the BMW. And, coming back to the house from the airport, Brian headed straight passed them without a word to either Vic or Justin; who both looked at each other: recognizing just how much Brian was hurting at seeing his son go off back to Toronto and not really knowing for sure when he'd see him next. But they knew where to find Brian now; he was in the study; the room he spent most time in and where Gus' picture had been hung on the wall. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Brian buried himself so deep into his work that if it wasn't for Vic, he probably wouldn't remember to eat and often worked into the early hours. And, as before, everything Justin was feeling came through in his art: Love, despair, hope, fear. They were all there: everything he was going through as he tried desperately to get through to Brian just how much he loved him and would always be there for him. But sometimes, when Justin watched Brian's face as they made love it was if there was no real emotion there; that it would have mattered who he was with. Brian just needed the sex: a means of shutting himself off from what he was feeling. “Don't take it to heart ...” Vic informed Justin. “He's still hurting ...” Vic had come down one evening with an attack of the munchies and was raiding the refrigerator; he'd found Justin sitting at the kitchen table and nursing a cup of coffee: Brian, at last, was asleep. “But why won't he let me in ... let me help him instead of shutting me out?” the younger man asked him; obviously hurting himself from Brian excluding him. “You have to understand ... Brian clams up ... shuts himself off ... when he's hurting ...” “But I love him ... he knows I do ...” stated Justin and Vic nodded. “Deep down ... yes ... he probably does ... but getting him to admit it is something else ...” and Vic squeezed Justin's shoulder and leaned down to speak quietly into the younger man's ear. “Don't give up ...” and Vic smiled at him as he made his way back to bed. Justin closed his eyes before going back up to bed and climbing in beside the other man; taking him gently in his arms and so badly wanting to be there for him. And though Brian had never been someone who'd needed to cuddle up, when he woke in the middle of the night, there was something so comforting about finding the blond's arms around him; like a shield, protecting him from the horrors and dangers of the outside world. And so neither of them mentioned how it was they really felt. Justin for fear that Brian was still too scared to admit it and would push him away again and Brian, in case having taken that step; having put his feelings into words and opened himself up and demonstrated just how vulnerable he really was, that Justin would leave him like he feared he would. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The ad in the paper had seemed ideal; 20 hours a week and days to suit, which would still leave Justin with time to paint. The salary wasn't bad and would be enough for Justin to at least start to pay his way. The guy who interviewed him seemed pretty decent enough and the reference the gallery manager had given him, along with his diploma and the samples of work he'd taken with him had impressed well enough. And, a couple of hours after he got back to the house, his cell phone rang, telling him he'd got the job and that he could start straight away. Two days later, Justin turned up at the offices and waited at the reception desk until his new boss came along. “Hi Justin ... good to see you again ... welcome to Kinnetik ..” and the man held out his hand, which Justin took. “Thanks Mr. Schmidt ... glad to be here ...” and the other man smiled as he answered. “We're pretty informal around here, Justin ... call me Ted ... now ... let me show you around the art department ...” To be continued. With grateful thanks to both Lois and Judy.