Chapter 4: Justin had been so caught up with what he was doing that he'd lost all track of time and had to rush to get to the gallery to be there when he was supposed to. And when he did eventually get there, a very welcome surprise awaited him. A sold ticket was on one of his paintings; its value already agreed upon between Justin and the gallery owner and the sale confirmed: more than he could have dreamed of for his first show. Justin's confidence took a real boost, despite the setback he feared in his relationship with Brian and the next day, not having a shift at the diner, saw him painting even more intensively before returning to the show for the final day. Charles dropped by and was obviously pleased at Justin's success. “I told you ... Marvin's contacts are just the sort you need ... they've got money ... they know talent ... and a great investment when they see it ...” And then, just a little before the gallery was about to close, Justin turned around to find Adam standing there and the man presented him with a bottle of Champagne and two glasses. “I've come to toast your success ... and take you to dinner,” and he leaned forward and Justin allowed Adam to kiss him on the cheek. “You were that confident in me?” asked Justin and Adam chuckled. “Well ... I do know the gallery owner ... I called him earlier to see how you were doing ...” Justin grinned wryly at that statement, but then Adam continued. “But I had no doubt you'd sell ...” “And besides ... I've got a proposition for you ...” he stated, passing Justin his drink. Justin took his glass and raised an eyebrow and Adam grinned at him. “Okay ... apart from that,” and he continued to smile as he proffered his glass and the clink of crystal against crystal could be clearly heard as Justin's success was duly toasted. “I know how expensive it is to live in this town and despite this wonderful start ...” indicated Adam, as he gestured to Justin's works already purchased. “That you'll still have to work to eat ...” and he took a sip from his glass. “Yeah,” chuckled Justin. “I'm weird like that,” and Adam returned the grin. “But working at the bar and grill can't be really what you had in mind ... wouldn't you rather be doing something more creative?” the older man asked him. Justin blinked. “If I could use my art to bring in any sort of regular income I'd be thrilled ...” “Okay,” continued Adam. “So ... what are they teaching you in art school these days? Do you have any graphics experience?” “Yes, I do,” replied Justin. “I started an internship at Vangard Advertising Agency back in Pittsburgh while I was still at school so I have some hands-on experience ... “ Adam chuckled; that Justin certainly did. “Good ... that's what I was hoping,” he answered him. “Because recently ... we've been kinda snowed under ... it's getting so that our art department is struggling to cope ... we're looking to take on additional staff ... would you be interested? I'm sure we could arrange the hours to suit ... and still leave you time to paint ... and the money's got to be better ...” “Are you serious?” Justin asked him, hardly able to believe his luck. Adam smiled to himself; things were going according to plan. If he could get Justin into the agency, get him closer and grateful for the chance to use his art to earn a steady living, he was sure he could entice him away from that so-called partner of his, who apparently wasn't even worth mentioning. For Justin never talked about the man he'd left in Pittsburgh and Adam was beginning to wonder if the younger man's relationship was faltering with so much distance between them: he hoped so. “I'll take you into the office tomorrow and show you around ... you can meet the head of the art department and then we can go for lunch ...” But for now, Adam was more interested in what they would be doing for the rest of the night. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Adam had wined and dined Justin in order to celebrate his new found fame and increased funds and, suitably relaxed and happy, Justin had returned to Adam's apartment with him. There was no doubt he was pretty heady, both with his success at the show and from the consumed alcohol. Plus it was sort of nice having someone like Adam showing an interest in him, especially when it seemed like Brian had no intention of paying him any consideration at all, at least for the moment. But during the evening Justin had sighed and wished so much that it was Brian here, sharing his success with him and there was no doubt that mixed in with his celebration was a little sadness and before he knew it, Justin had had far too much to drink. On the occasions they'd slept together before, Adam had been more than willing to bottom and in fact had been surprised at how strong and dominant Justin could be in bed. But tonight, Justin was giggly and more than just a little drunk, making it all the easier for Adam to fuck him. Both men naked on the bed, Adam rolled Justin onto his back and crawled between his legs. He stroked the younger man's face and Justin's eye-lids flickered and started to close and he sighed. Adam leaned down to kiss him; something Justin would never normally let him do under any circumstances. In all fairness, he had no grasp of what the man was doing any way and the fact that Justin was practically unconscious didn't seem to matter to Adam, who having sheathed himself and lubed them both, now draped Justin's legs over his shoulders and started to enter him. Justin groaned; barely aware of Adam inside him. But Adam delighted in having Justin in his control and once he'd got him installed in the agency, he would help him promote his artwork too and this beautiful young man would soon be his for sure. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Brian heard Jamie toss and turn on the sofa during the night and it was obvious he was upset and annoyed at being banned from Brian's bed. Brian realized he'd already let things go further than he should have and in the morning, when Jamie was in the shower, Brian rang Michael. “Mikey ... is there a chance you can take Jamie today?” “Things getting a little difficult?” asked Michael in reply and Brian's silence was his answer. “Okay ... bring him over later ... he can help us clear the room out ...” Brian heaved a sigh of relief. “I owe you ...” “Yes ... you certainly do,” agreed Michael and with the phone still in his hand when Jamie appeared out of the bathroom, Brian didn't exactly lie. “That was Michael ... he said it would be good if you could go over and help clear out your room ...” “Oh,” exclaimed Jamie in dismay as he finished toweling off and started climbing into his clothes. “I was hoping we could maybe do something ... I suppose I'll be starting back to work ...” Brian shook his head, cutting Jamie off. “I have a lot to be catching up with ...” Jamie blinked and looked suitably downcast as he padded barefooted over to where Brian was standing; stopping a foot away from him and then looking right up at him with sorrowful blue eyes. “Sorry ... I'll get out of your hair ... I guess I have been taking up a lot of your time ... I didn't mean to cause you so much hassle,” Brian sighed and briefly closed his eyes. “You ... you haven't ... but there are one or two things I have been neglecting,” and Brian didn't like to admit that one of them was Justin. “So ... after breakfast ... get your things together and I'll drive you over there,” stated Brian and Jamie shrugged. “I don't have anything ... my things were messed up ... I've been wearing Justin's ...” he reminded him and Brian frowned. “Then I guess we better go shopping ... unless you want to go back home and get your stuff from there?” Jamie put his hands up in mock defense and stepped backwards. “There's no way I'm going back there and front up to my old man ...” “It's okay,” stated Brian quickly, not wanting Jamie to get upset like before. “We can go shopping on the way to Mikey's,” and he found himself smiling at the grin that slowly formed on Jamie's face. “You'll get me some new clothes?” the younger man asked somewhat excitedly and Brian nodded. Gay men and clothing stores: a match made in heaven. “I think we can run to a few things ... to get you started ...” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A couple of pairs of jeans, several tees, a couple of sweaters, new sneakers, underwear, a jacket and toiletries later, Jamie was all set. “I'll pay you back,” promised the younger man, hoping that sounded as sincere as it was supposed to and Brian nodded. “We'll see ... maybe when we get you more work ...” and between them they managed to get the bags out to the vette; filling the back seat with them, but before Brian was able to pull away, Jamie put his hand on the older man's arm. “Before we get to Michael's ... I just wanna say ... I don't know what I would have done without you ...” Brian blinked and rolled his lips into his mouth; it was so difficult not to take some responsibility for this young man, even though he knew he had to withdraw as much as he could. “Anyone would have done the same ...” stated Brian, but Jamie shook his head. “No they wouldn't ... because no one else understands like you do,” and Brian felt his stomach lurch. There it was again; the pang of recognition of an abusive background; something Brian had fought to overcome for years, but somehow it just wouldn't go away. “Maybe,” he admitted. “But it'll be mostly down to you from now on ...” and checking over his shoulder for traffic, Brian finally pulled away. “You will come to the center with me again though ... won't you?” asked Jamie; determined to keep Brian involved as much as he could and the older man nodded. “Let me know when you get your next appointment ...” Jamie smiled; he would bide his time and play it cool and hopefully, Brian wouldn't even know that he was still reeling him in. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Ben and Michael were waiting for them: as it was Spring Break, Ben wasn't teaching and Michael had called and arranged for the guy who worked part time with him at Red Cape Comics to come in and work an extra day. “You buy up the whole store?” Michael asked them; unable to believe the number of bags Brian and Jamie brought in with them and he thought he saw a look of smugness flash across Jamie's face before the younger man caught himself. Michael frowned but Brian merely shrugged. “It's only a few clothes Mikey ...” and Michael shook his head. Brian wouldn't understand what just a few clothes were, tempted as he was to buy up the whole collection when he went shopping for himself and now it seemed he was doing the same for Jamie. Stowing the bags in Hunter's room for now, Jamie was shown to his. “With you helping ... we'll get this cleared in no time,” stated Michael and he turned to Brian. “Mom's coming over later ... she said she had some new drapes that would fit ... she's never used them ...” Brian took a step backwards. “I think it's time for me to leave ...” “You going already?” asked Jamie and Brian nodded. “Spending the day humping boxes up into the attic isn't exactly my idea of fun.” Michael patted his shoulder. “Not when you can spend your time humping something a lot more interesting ...” he smiled at him and Brian pulled a face. But then Michael stepped in closer. “You just don't wanna be around when Mom gets over here,” he whispered, knowingly. Brian hesitated for a moment, but then, without a word, turned around to make his way back downstairs. “You be at work tomorrow Jamie?” Brian called back to the young man from the top of the stairs. “I guess,” came the reply and Brian smiled at him and waving his goodbyes, made his way down and out the front door. Michael looked at Jamie and saw the disappointed expression on the younger man's face at Brian's departure. “Once we get this cleared and get you settled in we can have a talk ... get to know each other better ...” and he moved into the room. “Our son will be home in a couple of days ... I think you'll get on really well ...” stated Michael over his shoulder and Ben gestured for Jamie to follow Michael into the room. “You have a son?” asked the younger man, this being the first he heard about it. “Yes ... Hunter,” Ben smiled at him. “He's our foster son ... but with any luck ... his adoption should be finalized any time now and then he'll be our son for real ...” “And Brian's right,” Ben continued. “The sooner you get back to work and things return to normal the better ...” and he squeezed the younger man's shoulder before passing him one of the boxes to be taken up to the attic. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ After breakfast and not having to go into the bar and grill until later, Justin had accompanied Adam into his office. As a partner, Adam could more or less choose his own hours and if there was nothing pressing in the diary and he wanted to linger at home in the mornings, then he could. Kennedy, Collins and Lyons' offices were on Madison Avenue. “We have a kick ass view of Midtown,” Adam informed Justin as they made their way up in the elevator and now looking out the window of Adam's office suite, Justin had to agree. Adam gave him the guided tour and introduced him to Dan Maynard, the head of the art department. Adam had already primed Dan and made him aware of Justin's talents; Dan now aware that they would be very fortunate indeed to get someone with Justin's abilities working for them. “So ... what do you think?” Adam asked Justin as they made their way out to lunch. “Well ... if the position comes my way ... I'd be a fool not to take it,” Justin stated, even though he did enjoy working at Ramon's and Adam smiled, knowing there was very little doubt that Justin wouldn't be offered the post. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Debbie came around to bring the drapes she'd promised and had a hard time hiding her surprise and confusion. When Michael had told her they were taking in someone else, he omitted to inform his Mother it was the same young man who had recently been spending so much time with Brian. “Do you have a feeling of ... now what the fuck is that saying?” asked Debbie and she shook her head as she handed up the drapes to Ben who was standing on a chair at the window of Jamie's room. “You know ... where you think something's happened before?” Jamie had gone out; saying he wanted to catch up with some friends but would be back in time for dinner. “Deja Vu ...” nodded Ben as he took the drapes from her. “That's it ... seems like history repeating itself all over again ... but you know I really thought Brian loved Sunshine ... I mean what the fuck was he doing asking him to marry him ... they've only been apart five minutes and he gets himself involved with someone else ...” and Debbie sighed. “I don't think it's quite like that Ma,” stated Michael as he handed his mother a cup of herbal tea. “Otherwise Jamie wouldn't be moving in here now ... would he?” “Then what the fuck is going on?” his Mother demanded and Michael looked up at Ben and then back at Debbie. “That ... is a very good question Deb,” stated Ben as he stepped down off the chair and took the mug of coffee Michael offered him. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ With Jamie finally off his hands, Brian went into the office. He'd had an inkling of an idea, but didn't have a lot to work with at the moment. However, if things did go the way he hoped, then it might just show Justin that he still cared. It wasn't much; just a small gesture and he needed the help of one of his staff to start him off and show him how to achieve it; Brian telling Kyle to drop everything else he was working on at the moment and not to breathe a word to anyone. To ensure nothing was said to upset or annoy Brian, Ted had already given Cynthia the head's up about the aborted trip to NYC and she looked at her boss and only hoped he didn't know that it was her who had told Justin about his plans. But Brian now had other plans formulating in his mind; trying to sort out both his thoughts and his feelings and what exactly he was going to say to Justin when he finally caught up with him. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “I might be offered work at an ad agency ...” Justin informed Chloe as they were getting ready for the dinner trade and his friend looked suitably pleased for him and then realized the implications. “Does that mean you'll be leaving us?” she asked him. Justin shrugged. “I don't want to ... at least not entirely ... I like working here ... if I get the job ... maybe I can still do a few shifts ...” “But I guess it's better money ... huh?” she asked him and Justin nodded. “And it would mean I was using my art ... it would be good experience ... and I guess at this stage I shouldn't cut myself off from all opportunities ...” Chloe sighed. “Well ... this is happening sooner than we thought ...” Justin chuckled. “I haven't got the job yet,” he smiled at her. “And I wouldn't go before Anton had a replacement ...” “It won't be the same around here without you ...” stated Chloe and she hugged him. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ As usual, his Mother kept Michael talking and dinner got delayed, with Debbie only leaving a little before Jamie arrived back. Ben and Michael tried their best to make Jamie feel at ease; laying down very few house rules. He was an adult after all and they wanted him to treat the place like home and let him know that if he wanted to bring a guy back there would be no problem and only asked that when he got in late from his shifts at Babylon that he do so as quietly as possible. Michael encouraged the young man to help him with dinner and was surprised at how open Jamie was in telling them of his abusive Father, his indifferent Mother and how unhappy he'd been at home. Michael had frowned to himself; that definitely sounded like history repeating itself and he also couldn't help notice how many questions Jamie asked about Brian; learning from Michael how they'd grown up together and had been best friends since they were 14. Both Ben and Michael could see how besotted Jamie was with Brian and how he liked to talk about their time together and how good Brian had treated him. “No wonder Brian was so glad for us to take him,” whispered Ben as he and Michael tidied the kitchen after their meal and Jamie was watching TV. “He's got it bad ...” Michael nodded in agreement. “But what I can't get over is how much Brian's put himself out to help this kid ... he seems to think he has some sort of responsibility for him ... that isn't like him at all ...” and he proceeded to fill the dishwasher with their dirty dinner dishes. “Didn't you tell me that Brian's childhood wasn't exactly a bed of roses either?” asked Ben and Michael nodded again as he closed the dishwasher door and turned on the machine. “Then it isn't hard to comprehend why Brian feels empathy towards him ...” “Childhood experiences stay with you for life, Michael ... however well you think you've dealt with them ... Brian would understand completely what Jamie had been going through ... it would be a reminder of his own pain ...” “I guess,” agreed Michael. “And I wouldn't be surprised if it isn't all tied up with him NOT being able to help Justin after he was bashed ...” “Well ... I wasn't around then,” stated Ben. “But from what I've seen for myself with those two ... it must have hit Brian pretty hard too.” “You should have been there,” sighed Michael. “It was like Brian had been bashed himself ... he was in total shock ... I realized later that none of us really understood how much Brian was hurting from that ...” “Well ... I just hope Brian hasn't promised Jamie more than he can follow through ... let the kid think he might have a chance with him,” stated Ben as he leaned down to kiss his husband and Michael reached up to ruffle Ben's hair. “I just hope he can square things with Justin ... if not ... I'm not sure where that will leave him ...” and he reached over to turn out the kitchen light. “And probably with us picking up the pieces,” stated Ben, raising an eyebrow, but who would they be putting together again? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 02:30; Brian sat back in his chair and smiled to himself as he tried to imagine the expression on Justin's face when he saw what he'd been working on. But then he closed his eyes; wondering if that should be IF Justin saw it and he sighed. Brian wouldn't blame Justin if the younger man had figured he didn't care any more. Leaving the office relatively early for once and getting home around 8:30; having collected take-out on the way, he'd got straight back to work. But now Brian yawned and stretched his arms up over his head and tilted his head first one way and then the other as he tried to loosen up. He looked at his watch and frowned; not realizing it had gotten this late. He'd have to give up for now, he was beat and thankful for once to be on his own, Brian undressed and crawled into bed; hoping to switch his brain off so that he could get to sleep: it wasn't too many hours before he needed to go back into the office again. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ It was just after breakfast in the Novotny-Bruckner household and Ben and Michael looked over in surprise as the back door was opened. “You're home early,” stated Ben, as Hunter set his rucksack down on the kitchen floor. “One of the toilet blocks backed up ... you should have seen ...” “I think we've heard enough ... thank you,” stated Michael, who had been wiping down the kitchen counter and he pulled a face; not wishing to know anything else about the situation that had led to the field trip ending early and he moved over and reached up to kiss the young man on the cheek; Hunter now tall enough to make Michael stretch to reach him. “Have you had breakfast?” asked Ben from the table and putting down the paper he was reading; Hunter shook his head. “Once they said it was a health hazard and we had to go home ... we just all piled on the bus ... Pete's Mom gave me a lift from school,” he continued as Michael was about to ask why hadn't he phoned them so that they could meet him. “Go and wash up and I'll get you something,” stated Michael and Hunter leaned down to hug Ben as he passed him in order to make his way upstairs. “Oh ... by the way ... Jamie's here already,” called Ben up the stairs after him. “He's in his room ...” “Okay,” answered Hunter. “I'll grab a quick shower and then say hello,” and having showered and changed into clean clothes, Hunter knocked on what was now Jamie's bedroom door and slowly opened it. “Hi ... I'm Hunter,” and he peered around the door and smiled at the young man who was lying on the bed, reading a comic book that Michael had given him; Jamie sat up. “I'm Jamie,” came the reply, and he smiled but offered nothing more and Hunter stood awkwardly in the doorway. “Have you had breakfast,” he asked him, in an attempt to make conversation and Jamie nodded. “Yes ... thanks I have ... did you enjoy your field trip?” and now it was Hunter who nodded. “Yeah ... it was good ... but we ended up having to come home early ...” “That sucks,” stated Jamie and Hunter smiled again, but then frowned. “Do I know you?” he asked him, feeling for sure that he recognized the young man from somewhere, but Jamie shrugged. “I don't think so ... I haven't been in Pittsburgh that long ...” Hunter nodded. “Well ... I'm going down to eat ... I'll catch up with you later,” and closing the door behind him, Hunter made his way back downstairs; frowning all the while and convinced he definitely knew Jamie and he was still frowning as he sat down at the breakfast table, where Michael had put out toast, milk and boxes of cereal. “What's wrong?” he asked him. “Nothing ... except ... I'm sure I know Jamie from somewhere ...” and Hunter shrugged and helped himself to a large portion of Captain Crunch; Michael looked over at Ben and raised an eyebrow. That was interesting. Jamie closed his eyes and lay back down on the bed; he groaned: he certainly recognized Hunter. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Used to functioning on relatively little sleep, Brian was back in the office early; there was a lot he was trying to figure out at the moment and only part of that was work; thank God Ted and Cyn were on the ball, as while he was trying to tie up a few loose ends, Brian was continually going over in his head the situation with Jamie and how he'd let it influence his relationship with Justin and it was slowly driving him insane. Maybe what he needed was the opportunity to forget it for a while; take a breather and step back from it and Brian decided that going into Babylon tonight would enable him to do just that, if only for a few hours. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ After lunch, Hunter had gone to catch up with a few friends from the field trip and then came home and settled down to do some studying before school started again. But it wasn't long before his mind was wandering: he was so sure he knew Jamie from somewhere and around midnight, he slipped out the house: he had to find out one way or another if his suspicions were correct. Ben and Michael had only given him the barest of details when they talked to him about Jamie moving in, but Hunter was sure there was a lot more than that to the young man he was now sharing his home with. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Jamie had been out most of the day. He actually did have a few friends in town and was keen to show them his new clothes and brag about his relationship with Brian. Coming back late afternoon, Jamie was glad to find Hunter was in his room studying; he wanted to try and avoid him as long as possible while he tried to sort out what he was going to do, as things were threatening to unravel just a little too soon and then he took take a nap before having dinner and going down to Babylon to get ready for his shift. He hoped Brian would be there; he'd tried calling him earlier but he'd been in a meeting and Jamie had a feeling he was going to have to try and move things on a pace. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Deciding to go to Babylon to try and unwind for a few hours, Brian arrived around 11:30. The club was heaving as usual, but unfortunately for Jamie, he was too busy to seek Brian out to talk to him, though the older man did ask him how he was doing when he came over to get himself a drink. And then he said for Jamie to go and see Ted tomorrow about arranging some more shifts. Jamie gave him his broadest grin; satisfied that Brian was still thinking about him. “Wanna catch up later?” Jamie had just managed to say to him above the noise of the music, but Brian shook his head and glanced over to a good looking brunet in his late twenties who was standing at the end of the bar and who had definitely been giving him the eye all evening; the man smiled at him. Brian looked down into his glass: 'Why not?' he wondered and then he looked back at Jamie. “I think I'll be busy later,” Brian informed the younger man and he took a sip of his drink and then made his way down to the end of the bar, where he ordered the man a refill; Jamie turned his back and let the other barman serve them. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Jamie got in around 4:00am. to find Hunter waiting up for him. He wasn't in a particularly good mood, not having hooked up with Brian and both young men exchanged awkward acknowledgments. Then Jamie made his way to the kitchen to find something to eat; he was starving as well as confused and concerned that Hunter appeared so eager to talk to him that he'd gotten up at some unearthly hour to do so. “I remembered where I know you from,” Hunter informed him as he followed Jamie into the kitchen and watched him make a sandwich and in fact, Hunter hadn't been home long himself; creeping in the back door so that his Dads wouldn't hear him. “I said I haven't been in the Pitts for long,” replied Jamie, eager to make Hunter doubt himself. “So you say ... but I went to talk to some old friends of mine tonight ... they remember you ... like I do now ...” came the retort. “Sorry ... you must be mistaken ...” and Jamie made to pass Hunter, but the teenager grabbed him by the arm. Hunter was strong; he wasn't on the school swimming team for nothing and his grip prevented Jamie from moving away. “A hustler I can live with ...” Hunter informed him. “But I remember the stories about you ... and I remember now that one of the guys pointed you out to me once ... Jamie ... or whatever the fuck your name is ...” “You're making a mistake ... now let go of my fucking arm ...” and Jamie pulled away and lost his grip on the plate which now hit the uncarpeted floor and smashed into several pieces; the noise reverberating throughout the house. Hunter stood over him while Jamie stooped to pick up the pieces, but he wasn't about to let the subject drop. “I thought I did some low things ... but I never cheated ... or blackmailed anyone ... people knew exactly what they were getting themselves into ...” “But I heard you even paid a guy to beat you up once ... then blackmailed some poor sucker who'd been drunk and didn't quite remember what he was doing ... you said you'd go to the police ... or the man's wife ... unless he paid you not to ...” “Seems like you make a habit out of blackmailing guys ... or making them feel sorry for you ... live off them for a few months and then when the money runs out ... or they wise up ... you move on to the next ...” “What the fuck is it to you?” Jamie challenged Hunter; now squaring up to him and at that point, the light on the landing came on and Ben and Michael both descended the stairs. Though they hadn't heard Hunter, they'd certainly heard Jamie let himself in after work and then, both men now awake, they'd also heard the muted voices. They'd checked and found that both boys beds were empty and then not being able to ignore the noise when the plate smashed, Ben and Michael had crept out onto the landing and heard the following commotion; staying out of sight in the darkness and listening to the exchanges, but ready to intervene if necessary. They'd hoped this was going to be just a spat; a period of re-adjustment for both Hunter and Jamie and that the young men would soon become friends. That, apparently, was never going to happen. “Is this right ... what Hunter said?” Ben asked Jamie as he now approached the young man, who suddenly bolted for the back door. But Ben was bigger and far more powerful and blocked his way. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Brian heaved a sigh of relief; it had been good to bring someone home with both of them knowing the score: that it was sex and nothing more and certainly no expectations or attachments from either of them. They'd both enjoyed themselves and Brian had said goodbye to the brunet around 7:30 and then slept for a few more hours; waking up around 10:45 and then having a leisurely shower before getting dressed. Then he remembered; he'd meant to give Michael a check for Jamie's upkeep and just after midday, on his way in to do a couple of hours in the office to tidy up, even though it was Saturday, he swung by Michael's place. “I meant to give you this,” stated Brian and he held out the check when Michael opened the door to him, still wearing his coat. “I think you better come in,” his friend informed him and concerned by his expression, Brian followed Michael inside the house: it was obvious something was wrong and he looked around the room to Michael, Ben, Hunter, Lt. Carl Horvath and then back at Michael. “Is somebody gonna tell me what the fuck's going on?” asked Brian, confused by their silence and the apprehension on their faces and then Brian frowned. “Where's Jamie?” “He's not here,” answered Michael. “I think you better sit down ...” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Still basking in the success of his first show, Justin's enthusiasm hadn't wavered; maybe he could do this after all and maybe it wouldn't take as long as he'd feared to make a name for himself. And he'd started to hope that maybe it would mean he wouldn't have to be in NYC as long as he'd thought, but could go back to the Pitts and see if there was still a chance for him and Brian. “This is all very interesting ...” stated Adam; seeing the extent of Justin's artwork and he stepped back into the middle of the studio floor to try and take it all in. “A lot of it is ... well ... very dark ... disturbing almost ...” Justin frowned; Adam had dropped by unannounced, despite they'd only just seen each other and Justin had heard him sigh occasionally as he'd been studying his work; as if he didn't approve of some of it. But what the hell did he know and Justin neither needed nor craved approval, and neither did he really care for the man's manner right now. Adam turned around and watched Justin and the younger man had a feeling he was going to say something and then finally: “Marvin was wondering if you ever painted anything ... say ... a little less edgy ... less abrasive?” Justin blinked and put down his brush to wipe his hands before grabbing a bottle of water from the refrigerator he'd installed in the small kitchen area. Suddenly, everyone was an art critic and it sounded like Marvin had sent Adam round to talk to him about his style of painting. “Less abrasive?” asked Justin and he undid the bottle and took a deep swallow as he thought. “You mean something pretty ... inoffensive ... something that doesn't really make you think about why the artist painted it ... what motivated him?” asked Justin; maybe just a little too brusquely. And then he smiled. “What's wrong ... doesn't he think I sold enough?” and then he blinked as he saw Adam glance away. “Is that it ... doesn't Marvin think I'm marketable enough ... I just sold a painting at that damn show ... my first show in New York ... what does he expect?” stated Justin, angrily. “Sure ... you sold a painting ... but considering the number of people who went to the show ... how many parties he's taken you to ...” “So ... one painting isn't enough?” stated Justin and he was almost shouting now. “Do you know how many artists never sell anything ... who work all their lives ... spilling their guts ... and never sell a fucking thing ...” “All Marvin is saying ..” “It sounds like all Marvin is concerned about ... is being seen as someone who promotes an artist who does what ... churns out repetitive conveyor-belt art ... art with no feeling ... or ... or soul ... as long as it looks pretty and people buy it ...” “What does he expect me to paint ... cute little girls and their puppies ... bowls of daffodils?” “If that's what he wants then he's very much mistaken ... because that isn't me,” and Justin turned towards the bench and the work in progress on the large work surface. “It never has and never will be ... I paint what I feel ... I sometimes don't know where the hell it comes from ... but it's me ...” Adam was totally taken back by Justin's obvious passion for his work and he moved forward and grabbed him around the waist; turning the young man around to face him. “I'm sure Marvin isn't expecting you to paint little girls with their puppies ... but if you don't paint something that's a commercial success ...” Justin groaned and pulled away from him. “If Marvin doesn't like what I paint ... well ... fuck him ... I can do this on my own ... I don't need him or his cronies ... buying my work just because they're part of the same 'in' crowd ... practically because Marvin expects them to ...” and Justin was beginning to fear that's exactly what had happened; that his painting had been bought by someone who wanted to stay part of Marvin's exclusive little circle and purchasing his work was their subscription to this elitist group and that's not who he wanted to reach out to with his work. “But how will you make a living at it? That's all I'm asking ...” asked Adam and he frowned at the loss of contact between them. “Maybe I will ... maybe I won't ... but that's something I have to find out for myself ... but I can't paint to order ... and I can't paint something I don't feel for ... and if Marvin ... or you ... can't accept that ... then that's too bad ...” “The people who buy my work will do so because they want to and because they understand it ... they'll know where it comes from ... what's gone into it ... and they're the only people I'm concerned with ...” “So if I sell a hundred paintings a year or just one ... I don't care ... I'll have to find another way to pay the bills ... but I won't be told what to paint ... ever ...” and Justin tossed the water bottle onto the floor, put his hands on his waist and closed his eyes. Slowly, Adam reached out and put his arm around Justin's waist again and drew him back in; moving in behind him and pulling him into his chest. “I didn't mean to upset you ... I can see now how much this all means to you ... I didn't realize ...” “What about Marvin?” asked Justin and Adam hesitated before answering. “Don't worry about Marvin ...” “Actually ... he's having another little bash at the weekend ... you will come won't you?” asked Adam and he heard Justin sigh. “I guess ...” And now it was Adam who moved away, exasperated at Justin's offhand attitude. “Christ ... don't sound so enthusiastic ... after all ... these are only the people who bought your goddamn art ... I would think you'd jump at the chance to remind them of your work,” he snapped at him. “You really didn't understand anything I said at all ... did you?” asked Justin, turning to look at him. “Well then ... maybe you shouldn't come,” stated Adam and Justin turned away again. “No ... maybe I shouldn't ...” Adam shook his head and sighed; not wanting to prolong this conversation. “I'll call you later ... about working at the agency ...” and then he hesitated again. He didn't like the way this had ended up; it hadn't been his intention at all and was afraid that Justin was slipping away from him. “Justin ... I'd hate this to spoil things between us ... we ... we've got a good thing haven't we?” Adam asked him quietly, and Justin turned around to face him; confused by the man's words that seemed to imply that there was an attachment between them and the worried look on his face. And indeed, Adam was sure he'd given himself away and revealed his feelings for Justin. Feelings that were growing all the time and that he increasingly wanted him every day. “Adam ... we're fuck buddies ... nothing more ... as long as you understand that ...” stated Justin, hoping Adam would appreciate his honesty. Adam smiled and nodded his head and then breathed a sigh of relief. “Good ... I'll call you ...” he repeated, but dismayed that's how Justin still saw their relationship: as fuck buddies. Justin smiled in return, but then he groaned as Adam left the studio. On top of everything else, this man was obviously developing feelings for him and Justin kicked himself for not seeing it coming. But he honestly thought Adam was happy to continue on a fun-only basis and Justin sighed. The one man who was here he didn't want; the man who wasn't here was the one he craved, now more than ever. Brian. What the fuck was he going to do about their relationship? As feared, Brian hadn't called him and Justin was starting to think that the man's doubts about love had re-surfaced while he wasn't around to reinforce it. And now hearing how prepared Adam was to ask him to compromise his art; something that Brian would never do, only helped to re-emphasize the difference between the two men and why there would only be the one man for Justin. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Brian sighed; he'd hoped the banging would go away but obviously someone intended on waking the dead: well at least that's what it sounded like and realizing it wasn't going to cease any time soon, Brian knew the only way to get it to stop was to open the damned loft door and when he did, he couldn't prevent himself from groaning. “If that's what I think it is ... I don't want it,” stated Brian, which only drew a chuckle from Debbie as she pushed passed him into the loft and carried the dish of tuna and macaroni casserole over to the kitchen counter. “Shall I heat it up?” she asked him, but Brian shook his head. “No thanks ... I've already eaten ...” Debbie looked at him and raised an eyebrow. “Chinese take-out ...” explained Brian and he pointed to the empty container and chopsticks on the table. “Oh ...” came the answer. “Then I'll put it in the fridge ... it'll keep for a day or so ...” and Debbie opened the fridge door and placed the casserole inside. “Jesus ... Brian ... I don't know why you bother with a fridge ... there never seems to be anything in it ...” Debbie exclaimed as she closed the door. “If all you've come over to discuss is the contents of my fridge ...” “Then how about discussing the contents of your heart instead?” asked Debbie, turning to face him and she saw Brian look away. He frowned: he'd feared this was going to be one of those conversations and from past experiences, knew Debbie wasn't going anywhere until she'd said her piece and so sighing deeply, he closed the heavy metal door. “Wanna drink?” he asked her; resigned to his fate. “Thought you'd never ask ... unless you've got a joint...” ventured Debbie. “Sorry ... fresh out ... all I can offer you is alcohol ...” replied Brian as he crossed to the side table and he began to pour out two shots of Beam. “Then you better make yours a large one ... you'll need it,” came the instruction and Brian momentarily hesitated before making sure that's what they both had. Debbie took off her coat and Brian handed her the drink before she made herself comfortable on the sofa; Brian sat beside her. “Well ... let's get this over with ...” stated Brian, taking a swallow of his drink and Debbie smiled. “Wanna get rid of me, huh? ... but not before I have my say ...” Brian sighed. “Do I get a choice?” he asked her. “No ...” came the answer and Brian sighed again. “Thought not ...” “So ... I guess you've come over to tell me what a fool I was over Jamie and that I treated Justin like shit ...” and Brian took another sip of his drink and braced himself for the onslaught. “Not even close ... but it's interesting you think that,” came the answer and Brian frowned; that wasn't what he'd been expecting and actually sounded a lot worse than he'd feared. Debbie had a morning shift at the diner; she didn't do many these days as she and Carl tried to spend a little time together. But today, after her shift, she'd intended going over to Michael's with the duvet cover and pillow-slips she'd made to match the new drapes for Jamie's room. But Michael had called just before breakfast, wanting to speak with Carl: they needed a little advice. Though it was his day off, Carl had gone right over there as Michael had sounded quite concerned and now with the threat of police action hanging over him for deception, Jamie had decided to come clean. And later, when Carl and the boys had caught up with Debbie at the diner and relayed everything to her, she knew immediately how bad Brian would now be feeling. And from her own experiences, she knew how hard the man would be on himself for being taken in and feared losing face. But she had to make sure he understood what had happened and what he needed to do. “So ... tell me why you think you made a fool of yourself over some kid who allowed you to believe he needed help?” Brian looked at Debbie and then looked down into his glass, frowning. It seemed like she'd been reading his mind, but Deb's expression wasn't one of someone who was about to rip into him over something he'd done, but instead an expression of understanding and affection. “Okay ...” stated Debbie in response to Brian's silence. “Then I'll start ... and as I've only heard it second hand ... stop me if I'm wrong ...” and she took a sip of her own drink and grimaced. “Christ ... I forgot what this stuff tastes like ...” “Want something else?” offered Brian and he started to get up off the sofa; Debbie shook her head. “I'm sure we'll get re-acquainted,” came the reply and she took another sip to introduce herself before continuing. “So ... you brought Jamie home the night Babylon re-opened and fucked him ... or at least that's what he let you think ...” Brian closed his eyes; remembering the pang of guilt he'd felt when he found the young blond in the shower; for a fleeting moment even hoping that it might even have been Justin and then wondering what on earth possessed him to bring home someone so like the man he missed so much it hurt. Brian couldn't reply and only sat looking into his glass: once Michael and Ben had got Jamie to open up, the young man was only too eager to show how easy it had been to sucker Brian in. Debbie nodded; obviously Brian wasn't going to help her out here and so she continued. “Okay ... so then you found Jamie after he'd been beaten up by his Dad ...” she stated and Brian sighed; at last able to reply. “That's what he said ... only it turned out he'd actually paid someone ...” Brian's voice then trailed off. There was no way Brian would ever understand why someone would actually pay for a beating and blame it on their father; with memories of the beatings he'd suffered at the hands of his own, totally unsolicited and something he could never completely forget. But with Carl's help, that was what Ben and Mikey had finally got from Jamie. That and the fact that everything had been orchestrated; not only Brian finding Jamie in the loft that first morning or the beating, but the attempted suicide as well. Debbie reached out and stroked Brian's cheek with the back of her hand. “He certainly found all the right buttons to push ... didn't he?” she stated quietly; a hint of emotion in her voice at Brian's obvious recollections of his own childhood pain. Shared memories; for Debbie had seen the results of Jack's handiwork more than once. But Brian only blinked and rolled his lips into his mouth: unable to answer her once more. “And then he tried to kill himself ... here ... in your bathroom ...” Brian snorted and found his voice; “Even that was a fucking lie ... he waited until he knew I would hear him before he cut himself ...” and then he took a large swallow of his drink. “Every which way ... the kid sure has problems ... and you tried to help ...” Brian shook his head. “I can't believe I was taken in ... that I even bothered ... the old ...” and then he stopped short. “What? The OLD Brian Kinney wouldn't have given a fuck about anyone ... would have passed Jamie on to the crisis center without a second thought ... instead of trying to help him yourself? Or maybe even kicked him out on the street on his own?” “But you didn't ... you took care of him ... tried to help him ... and ended up taking the blame for what happened to him ... taking it to heart ... because you thought you were in some way responsible?” “Does that part sound kinda familiar to you?” Brian bit his lip at Debbie's question; this was all getting a little too uncomfortable. “Why do you think you did that,” she continued. “Took this damaged kid in and tried to help him ... even found him a new home?” Brian shrugged. “Fucked if I know,” and refusing to admit any similarity between Jamie's situation and Justin's. He took another swallow of his drink; finishing it off and got up off the sofa to get a refill. “You wanna top up?” he asked Debbie, but she shook her head. “I'm still struggling with this one ...” and she watched him replenish his glass; waiting for Brian to return to the sofa before continuing. “Let me ask you something ...” “Ask away ... you will anyway ...” stated Brian and Debbie grinned. She both loved and partly hated these chats with Brian and not even Michael knew what passed between them. Michael; for a long time, Debbie wondered whether her son and Brian would end up together: it was obvious how much Michael had idolized the man now sitting on the sofa looking crestfallen and had done so since they were both kids, but it was not to be. In truth, Brian never had the same feelings for Michael as his friend had for him. He knew how much Michael loved him; he'd have to be deaf, dumb and blind not to. But Michael was one of the few people prepared to put up with all Brian's shit; a friendship Brian cherished and needed and crossing that line would probably have put an end to it. Debbie studied Brian and her heart went out to him. She loved these conversations they sometimes had because, despite Michael's feelings for the man, she'd always thought of Brian as another of her offspring. Sure, there were times when she'd had to put her Michael first, but he was her blood and Brian would always understand that. But Brian was as close to being a son of hers as was humanly possibly without her actually giving him life and when they sat down to talk like this, she always felt it was like Mother and son and she reveled in the closeness. But in some ways she hated these chats too. Often they were as a result of something Brian had done which had inevitably hurt someone; usually either Michael or Justin. Though generally, he always put things right. Brian had this annoying habit of doing the wrong thing but for the right reason; an opinion not always shared by others. But Debbie knew her boys better than most and could usually understand Brian better than he did himself. He was a good man; even if he didn't like to think so; Brian often wondering why anyone thought him worth loving at all. “When you were finally able to tell Justin you loved him and could accept that he loved you ... how did it make you feel?” Brian blinked and getting up from the sofa, went to stand over by the windows; looking out into the now darkened streets below; not sure if he could answer her and certainly not wanting Debbie to see the effect her question had on him. “Brian?” encouraged Debbie and he realized he couldn't ignore it and half turning towards her, Debbie thought she could hear Brian's voice breaking as he eventually answered her. He cleared his throat. “For the first time in my life ... it felt like I no longer had anything to prove ... to myself or anyone else ... I had nothing to fear any more ...” “It was like ... it was like I finally knew who I was ...” and Brian swallowed before looking down into his glass; his voice barely audible and Debbie had to strain to hear him. “I never thought I could love anyone ... or would ever want to ... or that anyone could love me ... Brian Kinney ... but then Justin came along and had me questioning everything I believed in ...” “He was so innocent ... and just so fucking beautiful ... and his love was so strong ... and I was just shit scared that I would screw up ... and ...” and Brian sighed. “And end up with a broken heart,” stated Debbie, now getting up from the sofa and moving across the floor to stand beside him and she put her hand on his arm. “We all make mistakes where relationships are concerned,” admitted Debbie. “We're only human ... even you ...” “But if a heart can't break ... then it also can't feel ... it won't know heartache ... but it won't know the joy only true love can bring either ...” “And it will never know compassion ... or allow us to feel someone else's pain ...” Debbie sighed and, not for the first time, thought that Brian, seemingly so insensitive to many, was probably the most sensitive man she knew. Otherwise why had he needed to keep those barriers up for so long if he didn't bruise easily and believe he'd get hurt: if you were as tough as you'd like people to think you were, then you just wouldn't need them. “And I was so scared you'd never get to experience any of that ...” Debbie continued and then she couldn't resist a chuckle. “As it was, you took your fucking time about it ...” she stated, forcefully, and Brian looked at her and couldn't prevent himself from smiling. “But now I like to think you were holding out for Justin ...” Brian's smile turned into a grin. “That's a great line, Debbie ... I might even use that one on him myself ...” “Feel free, kiddo ... feel free,” she grinned back at him and squeezed his arm. “So don't you dare come down hard on yourself for caring about someone else ... not even Jamie ... you hear me?” “I hear you,” replied Brian, knowing in his heart how true Debbie's words were. “So ... about Justin ...” “Here it comes ...” groaned Brian and he momentarily closed his eyes. “Are you gonna let him know about Jamie ... why you didn't get to his show like you told everyone?” “Are you even gonna try and put things right between you ... tell him how you feel?” she asked him. “I know exactly where you're going ... and for once I'm ahead of you,” answered Brian and he pointed over to the raised bedroom area. Debbie followed the direction of Brian's gesture and her eyes rested on a suitcase with a leather jacket laying over it, set down on the top step. “I'm booked on a flight in the morning ...” he grinned at her and then swallowed the last of his drink. Debbie sighed and put her hands on her hips. “So you let me go through all that for nothing ... I didn't even have to try and convince you to go after Justin ... shit ... I must be losing my grip ...” “Did you really think I wouldn't know what I had to do?” asked Brian. “I admit ... it took me a while to face up to it ... but I'd already made up my mind once I'd got Jamie safely installed at Mikey's that I'd go and see Justin ... and yes ... I'll tell him about Jamie ... I owe him that at least ...” and, in a moment that would become slightly less rare, Brian started to admit his feelings. “And even though I know it'll be tough on both of us ... being apart for however long it takes ... I'll tell him that he has my full support ... whatever he decides to do ... but that I miss him ... and I love him ...” “Always have ... always will ...” and Brian sniffed; shit: would this ever get any easier, he wondered. Debbie smiled at him and then reached up to cup his cheek with her hand. “Rate you're going ... you won't need me coming around here for one of our little chats ... or having to chew you out over something any more ...” and she hoped that at last Brian would no longer hide his feelings and feel more secure about showing them. Brian smiled back. “Oh ... I'm bound to still do something to get one of those ...” he stated and then he blinked. “Thanks ... Mom ... for caring enough ... about both of us ... and I wouldn't have it any other way ...” and trying to ignore the moisture in their eyes, Debbie and Brian; Mother and Son, hugged each other to confirm the affection between them; affection that would last a lifetime and beyond. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Having concluded his computer would serve better use at the studio; Justin spending so little time at the apartment, after Adam had left he'd taken a cab and hauled everything back over there. Justin had decided not to ask Adam to do him a favor like he thought he might and having installed everything, had connected it to the Internet straight away. And now, taking a break from his paintings, Justin picked up the work he was doing on the next edition of Rage; emailing a couple of drawings to Michael to make sure they were on the same wavelength. He was pleased with them himself and hoped his partner in the comic book venture would be too. Concentrating on Rage and JT was good therapy; it enabled Justin to think about Brian and their relationship and what he was going to do and then he put down the sketch pad to pick up his cell. Damn the man; if he wouldn't ring, then Justin would ring him: they had to start talking at least. But Justin didn't get a chance to call Brian before Michael was calling him; he'd looked at the drawings and seeing that Justin wasn't still on-line to talk to, wanted to tell him right away, just how great he thought they were. But there was also another reason why Michael wanted to talk to Justin. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Once they'd learned the truth, Michael and Ben had allowed Jamie to take a change of clothing and gave him an old rucksack to put it in. Carl asked them did they want to involve Brian, but Michael had shaken his head. “I don't think Brian will want him hanging around any longer than necessary ...” So with Carl riding shotgun, Jamie was escorted down to the bus depot, where he was bought a ticket and given a couple of day's spending money. They wanted him out of town and fast; somewhere he wouldn't harm Brian and Justin's relationship ever again; Jamie's dreams and plans in tatters: until the next opportunity came along. But when everyone's back was turned for just a moment, Jamie tried to make a break for it: being run out of town wasn't exactly how he'd envisaged this little enterprise ending up and if word got around, he'd be a laughing stock. As it was, Hunter stepped in before anyone else was able to, and in the ensuing scuffle, a punch was landed. “Now you can tell everyone your Daddy did that,” proclaimed Hunter triumphantly, and Jamie was hauled to his feet and physically placed on the bus. “Make sure he goes as far as his ticket,” Carl instructed the driver in front of Jamie, who was rubbing his bruised jaw. “And if he doesn't ... call this number,” and Carl handed the man his card and then turned to Jamie. “You've been warned ... if I catch you back in Pittsburgh ... there's bound to be something I can charge you with ...” Carl informed Jamie and seething, but finally admitting defeat, the younger man dropped down into an empty seat; thankful that the bus was pretty empty and he could have plenty of room to himself while Michael, Ben, Hunter and Carl watched as the bus pulled away: just to make sure. They asked Brian what he wanted to do with the rest of the clothes he'd bought Jamie and Brian first of all said he didn't care what happened to them, but then changed his mind and asked would they mind taking them down to the crisis center. Michael said that of course they would and then he'd given his friend a big hug and watched a man who felt he'd been made a total fool of, get dejectedly back into his car and drive away. Knowing the truth, Brian went straight back home to put into action something he'd known all along that he would have to do. And now, the morning after his conversation with Debbie, Brian had put on his leather jacket and picked up his suitcase. The cab was waiting outside and sliding open the heavy metal door, Brian hesitated, before placing his bag back on the floor and returning to the bedroom, where he collected some items from the nightstand drawer. To be continued. Thanks to Lois for her incredible patience and to both Lois and Judy for their continued friendship.