Three’s a Crowd 

Chapter 7


Finally, both men now needing desperately to breath, the kiss was broken. But neither of them seemed to want to sever the contact and, stretching up on tiptoes, Justin put his chin on Brian’s shoulder and they hugged.

“What happens now?” whispered Justin, eventually and he pulled back to look into the older man’s face.

Justin had felt such a deep attachment with Brian during the kiss; a kiss filled with such a passion and hunger, that he’d tried to maintain it as long as possible in order to reach out to him; wanting to let the other man know that here was someone who could be trusted with Brian’s feelings.

Brian, on the other hand, had never learned to trust his emotions; he swallowed.

“What happens now?” he repeated and then Brian paused before continuing. “Nothing happens now. We both go back inside … thank Debbie for dinner … and then I leave … alone,” said Brian, coldly.

“What?” asked Justin, disbelieving that Brian still refused to acknowledge the attraction they shared and hurt by his tone: dashing all hopes he might have had that they would continue what they now appeared to have started.

“It’s too soon …” said Brian, quietly, “for either of us … and I’m not even sure I want another relationship …”

Justin stepped back, putting a little distance between them. “Why are you doing this?” he asked him: searching Brian’s eyes for some kind of answer. “Why are you refusing to see what’s right in front of you?” and then he stepped in closer. “I could be so good for you …” said the younger man sincerely; looking up into Brian’s face, but there was no response.

Brian looked at the ground: unable to look Justin in the eye. The blond was probably right; he would undoubtedly be very good for him and Brian had begun to realise he cared about what happened to him. But to put himself through allowing someone into his life and then having him leave again? There was no way he could do that. No, it was better this way; no involvement; no attachment and a heart intact.

Seeing Brian retreat inside himself, Justin sighed and, once again, he brushed Brian’s cheek with his hand; pleased that the man didn’t at least move away from his touch.

“When you know what you want … I’ll still be here,” Justin whispered and determined not to accept defeat. His face was barely inches away from Brian’s and the older man met his gaze; dismayed at the tears he saw shining in the young man’s eyes, but refusing to acknowledge them. 

Barely able to keep the tears at bay, Justin rushed inside and, ignoring the enquiring glances, ran passed the group now sitting in the living room and fled up the stairs. Brian came in a moment later, determined to ignore the accusing stares he was sure would come his way.

Debbie was still tidying up the kitchen when Justin came in and she could tell from his face as well as his speed in passing her, that something had obviously upset him. And then when Brian followed shortly, her eyes narrowed as he bent to give her a quick peck on the cheek.

“Thanks for dinner, Debs … I have to go … I have an early start in the morning …” and he tried to walk away. His encounter with Justin had hit him like a sledgehammer; both in hearing how the young man’s pain was exactly like his own and then seeing the tears and knowing he was responsible; he had to get away.

“Hold it …” Debbie instructed and barring his exit. “What the fuck happened out there?” she whispered.

“Nothing,” replied Brian, but Debbie could read him better than a lot of people and she didn’t believe that for one moment. Keeping her voice low so the group couldn’t hear her, she placed her hand on his arm. “Whatever the hell’s going on here … and don’t think I haven’t noticed how you two look at each other … just go easy … on yourself as well as Justin … you’ve both been through a helluva lot, but he’s not a bad kid, Brian.”

“I know,” replied Brian quietly and Debbie smiled: seeing the confirmation in his eyes. So, Brian had been paying attention after all; he must surely see the magnetism that seemed to be pulling him and Justin together. Debbie had noticed it and if she had, well, then some of the others at least must have witnessed it too. 

Brian had to see it; but admitting it, that was something different.

Extracting himself from Debbie and moving into the living room, Brian bent to kiss Gus who was sitting on Melanie’s knee. “You’re leaving … already?” asked Lindsay. “But you’ve hardly spent any time with your son …” “I know … maybe I could have him next weekend?” asked Brian and Lindsay nodded, dismayed at how little time Brian seemed to spend with Gus these days. 

“Okay … I’ll call you later” she answered him and then she tilted her head towards him to allow him to kiss her and then, making his goodbyes, Brian left.

“I wonder what’s upset Justin?” asked Emmett, knowing full well that something must have passed between the young man and Brian; they’d been missing for so long. “Maybe I should go and check on him,” said Debbie, but Michael rose from his chair. “No … I’ll go,” he stated and he made his way upstairs.

Justin could barely see his way back to his room for the tears. How could Brian brush off what had happened between them just like that and for the second time? He knew the man was suffering, but he was suffering too. Couldn’t he allow him in? Couldn’t Brian allow Justin to heal him? Couldn’t they heal each other?

There was a quiet knock on the bedroom door and it was opened slowly. “May I come in?” asked Michael and Justin wiped his eyes and sat up on the bed and he drew his pillow into his stomach despite its dampness from his tears.

“Sure,” he answered, “it’s your room.” “Not any more” replied Michael and he closed the door behind him and then crossed the floor and sat down on the bed beside the young man.

“Don’t get your hopes up,” advised Michael, not needing to say the name of the man causing the blond such pain, but Justin shook his head. “You weren’t there when he kissed me. It meant so much … but he won’t admit it … we could be so good together …”

Michael sighed. “There’s something you have to understand about Brian … he doesn’t do boyfriends”.

“That’s bull … what about Mark?” asked the blond. “Mark … well, Mark just came along at a time when Brian was low,” replied Michael. “I’d got together with Ben … Brian couldn’t face doing the clubs on his own … he didn’t want to be one of the pathetic old guys he’d laughed at …”

“He’s not old,” stated Justin and Michael grinned. “He’d be glad to hear you say that … but he has been on his own for a long time. For most of his life the only one looking out for Brian … was Brian.” 

“Sure, I was always here and Mom was always ready with a meal and a hug and he used to spend the night when things weren’t too great with his folks … but he was always so independent … never accepting any help from anyone”.

“He’s always said that the only one you can rely on is yourself …”

“But it doesn’t have to be that way,” interrupted Justin. “He needs me …” he stated quietly, a hint of wistfulness in his voice and Michael smiled. “I used to think that too …” and Justin narrowed his eyes as he looked at him.

“You love him too … don’t you?” asked the blond and Michael looked down at his hands. “Yes, I do … and there was a time … “ and then he sighed. 

“But I gave up on that notion … and now I’m with Ben. But that doesn’t mean I don’t still love Brian as a friend and he knows I’m always here for him … we’ve always been there for each other ever since we were fourteen.”

“Wasn’t there anyone serious before Mark?” asked Justin and Michael shook his head. “No … never and it’s quite likely … given what happened … that Brian figures he’s better off without anyone …” but now it was Justin’s turn to shake his head. He was determined to make damned sure that Brian knew that there was someone who would care about him; whatever it took to make him see it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Several days later and Brian still hadn’t set foot back inside the diner and Justin knew full well that this time the man was definitely avoiding him. How was he ever going to make Brian see that Mark wasn’t the only thing they shared? The more he thought about him, the more Justin realised he was falling in love with the man and was convinced Brian had similar feelings. He had to have; nothing made sense otherwise. 

Why had Brian paid so much attention to his welfare when he took him home from the diner when one of his headaches struck: refusing to leave the stricken young man in his freezing apartment and taking him back to his own home; his own bed? 

Why had he been so concerned for him that Justin woke up to find himself in Brian’s arms: the older man obviously wanting to comfort him?

Why had he taken him back to Mark’s sisters after the funeral instead of excluding him from the proceedings, as anyone else certainly would have done; allowing Justin to experience the grieving process he so badly needed?

Why had he bothered to bring him the computer: encouraging him to pursue his place at PIFA and enabling him to produce the artwork of which he was so capable: a computer that was obviously brand new and expensive?

And why had the man kissed him with so much passion and fire and an obvious need: not once but twice, if he hadn’t felt anything for him?

Somehow, he had to get to Brian and make him understand that despite the hurt he now felt, it shouldn’t prevent him from trying again. That he, Justin, would never betray Brian like Mark had done; that having fallen in love with him and telling him just how much he cared that he would never hurt him. 

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Brian couldn’t get the scene with Justin out of his mind and he played it over in his head time and time again. Watching the distress the young man was feeling as he walked away from him broke his heart; a heart he was trying to protect, but apparently to little effect.

He already felt a deep connection with Justin; whether Brian wanted to acknowledge it or not. But the need for self-preservation had taken over and he’d let him go: unable to reach out to him and tell him that he did care. From the time he’d seen Justin so distressed in the hospital following the accident to the kisses they’d shared, Brian had an inextricable feeling that there was a bond between them that would be difficult to break, however much he tried.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was 8:30pm. and Brian was just finishing off the presentation he was giving in the morning and he stretched up in his chair, trying to ease the tension in his back. He looked at his watch; he hadn’t realised it was so late and his stomach was telling him he hadn’t eaten all day.

Tidying up his desk and heading home, Brian debated whether he should get take out or order in. He always watched what he ate and never normally consumed carbs after 7:00pm. and he was still trying to make up his mind when he realised he was approaching the diner and he pulled over and parked up.

Brian sat in the car for fifteen minutes; peering into the diner’s bright lights across the street and watching customers come and go before he finally made up his mind what he was going to do. Entering the establishment and taking a seat at one of the booths, Brian picked up the menu, even though he knew it by heart and he glanced over and saw Justin leave an order at the kitchen; the young man with his back to him and so far hadn’t seen him.

But Debbie had seen him come in, whilst she was taking an order, which she then took to the kitchen. She’d turned back in time to see Justin’s expression when he saw Brian and, once again, she caught them looking at each other briefly and then both quickly turning away. Justin looked over at her, waiting for her to respond to Brian, but instead, Debbie chose to enter into conversation with the occupants of another booth. 

Ever since that dinner, she’d been trying to work out what had been happening between the two men. Justin hadn’t mentioned what had passed between them in her back yard and Brian hadn’t been by, but right now, it would seem they couldn’t decide whether to ignore or acknowledge one another. 

Just how attracted to each other were they she wondered and Debbie was more than just a little interested in watching where this encounter might lead.

Justin had been hoping Debbie would go and take Brian’s order; he needed time to think, suddenly confronted with him like this. He’d wondered when he might see him again, or even whether he should go to the loft and try to force some sort of confrontation between them; a conversation that probably shouldn’t take place in public. And seeing that Debbie had no intention whatsoever of helping him out here, Justin took a deep breath before approaching the man.

Brian was determined to appear unaffected by Justin’s close presence, even though he felt those baby blue’s boring right into him and took his time in choosing his meal and keeping Justin waiting. 

Despite what he’d told the younger man; that it was far too soon following on from Mark’s death to even contemplate another relationship, even if he’d wanted to, he’d started to wonder what it might be like to be with the blond. After all, he was cute and he did have a great ass and that was definitely the way to go from now on. Something tried and trusted: No attachment: no emotion: just fucking. There was a strong attraction; perhaps he should suggest a drink at Woody’s or arrange to meet him at Babylon or maybe have dinner together.

No, dinner was out: that was way too romantic. But maybe it wouldn’t hurt to have a drink or go dancing. At least he’d prove to the guys that he wasn’t too old to attract a cute young guy like Justin. 

That was until he looked up from the menu and into those beautiful blue eyes. Keeping sex and emotion separate where Justin was concerned was likely to prove extremely difficult, he realised; a shock that had only just started to register.

“Busy night?” he asked the blond, trying to remain casual. “Not especially,” came the answer, all too quickly and Justin bit his lip. He hadn’t meant to answer so abruptly: wanting instead to maintain a cool, professional demeanour after Brian’s coldness towards him previously; following the kiss at Debbie’s.

But now Justin’s thoughts were all over the place, having seen him again. He realised he probably shouldn’t try and force anything with Brian right now; that might just push him away for good. But how could he let the man know he cared without putting any pressure on him? And if he played it too cool, Brian might think he didn’t care at all.

But then he saw a slight smile curl on Brian’s mouth. Damn the man. He knew exactly the effect he was having on the young blond, but just wouldn’t let him in: not where it counted: always keeping him at a safe distance. Well, maybe two could play at that game.

“I’ll have the pink plate special,” said Brian eventually, mentally putting healthy eating on hold and he placed the menu down on the table and he leaned back and put his arm over the back of the seat. “Coming up” replied Justin, as he wrote down the order and he started to walk away. “Oh …” said Brian, putting his hand on Justin’s bare arm, preventing him from moving off. “And a coffee …”

It was several seconds before Justin could pull himself together sufficiently to extract himself from Brian. The touch of his hand reminded him of just how close they’d been the other night and he felt a tingling sensation from this head to his toes and was sure the man allowed his hand to linger just a moment longer than was absolutely necessary and Brian smiled at him as he released him and finally let him go. 

Justin walked away with his blood rushing in his ears and Brian ran his thumb over the inside of his hand, trying to recall the feel of Justin’s soft skin. He too was reminded of their encounters; at Justin’s apartment and then at Debbie’s, when Brian had finally given way to his better judgement and, just all too fleetingly, had allowed himself to feel.

Justin took Brian’s order to the kitchen and then collected the coffee pot and a cup and saucer and poured Brian’s drink out at the table. “Thanks” said Brian as Justin moved away to return the coffee pot to the hot plate; the older man watching him go; Justin feeling his eyes boring into his back.

Brian’s order didn’t take too long to prepare and he sat drinking his coffee whilst he waited and, when it arrived, Justin smiled weakly as he placed his meal in front of him. And Brian couldn’t help himself and he continued to watch as Justin responded to another bell from the kitchen.

After observing Justin deliver the order, Brian was about to turn back to his meal when his gaze rested on Debbie; she was watching him and Brian closed his eyes as he turned around. Putting her order book and pencil in her pocket, Debbie slid into the booth opposite Brian, who now picked up his fork.

“Hi, Brian.” “Debbie …”, acknowledged the man and he popped a forkful of food into his mouth.

“We haven’t seen you here at this time in months” she stated, but Brian only shrugged.

“Now, I’m sure it can’t be the menu that’s brought you here … as wonderful as it is ...” she stated, smiling at him.

“Well … everything’s up to its usual standards …” quipped Brian and Debbie grinned. “Well, I’m glad you approve of the service …” and Brian glanced at her; wondering by her tone what she was actually referring to.

When Justin had delivered Brian’s meal, he’d seen the empty coffee cup and knew he should go over and refill it and he was relieved to see Debbie now sitting down and talking with Brian and felt more confident about returning to Brian’s table.

Brian ate whilst he and Debbie talked: conversation, which to Justin, seemed to stop abruptly as he approached. He poured out Brian’s coffee and quickly moved away: Brian watching him from the corner of his eye.

“Brian …” Brian sighed, he knew that tone of voice; it was virtually the same as the one Lindz had used back at the loft that evening way back, when she’d asked him about his relationship with Mark.

“You know … and far be it for me to speak ill of the dead … but … I never was really sure that Mark was the one for you …” stated Debbie and Brian put down his fork. “Well, you’re not the first one who said that,” admitted Brian. “But it was my choice … my decision … and everyone should have accepted that … despite … ” and Brian cut himself short, unable to admit out loud that perhaps it hadn’t been good judgement after all and he pushed his half-eaten meal away, suddenly losing his appetite.

“Well, maybe we didn’t give Mark a chance like we should have,” stated Debbie. “But it was so strange to actually see you with someone … we were bound to be concerned”.

“You’d waited so long to let someone in to your life … I just didn’t want it to be the wrong one … that would be worse than being on your own in my book” and Brian looked at Debbie and then picked up his cup and downed his coffee. She was right; being with the wrong partner would be worse than being alone. 

“Look … I know it hasn’t been very long,” said Debbie, looking across the diner, “but remember … there are always other fish in the sea … and now you’ve dipped your toes in the water …” and Brian turned around to see what she was looking at and his gaze fell on Justin and Brian looked downwards before he finally looked up at her and she winked at him and reached out to pat his face before she got up from the booth in response to the bell from the kitchen.

Brian sat at the booth going over Debbie’s words. So, it would seem she at least knew that there was something between him and Justin that couldn’t be ignored; something that transcended a purely physical attraction and something she might even be encouraging and, before getting up and paying for his meal, Brian sought out Justin once more; only to see him laughing and flirting outrageously with an attractive man about Brian’s own age; a scene that brought the bitterness of bile into Brian’s mouth; was it jealousy he could taste he wondered? 

But what he didn’t see was Justin keeping a watchful eye on his response to the little act he was putting on or the disappointment on Justin’s face that matched his own as he watched the older man walk out the door.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Right … that’s it … we’re meeting Brian at Woody’s later and then heading on to Babylon … I’ll call Em … see if he and Ted want to go,” stated Michael, making a second call on his cell phone. Ben had dropped by the comic book store on his way home from class to collect Michael and had hoped for a quite night at home, but obviously, his partner had other ideas.

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” asked Ben. “Asking Brian to go to Babylon I mean … so soon after everything … and well … none of us are exactly kids any more Michael?”

“Look, it’s been ages and I practically had to plead with him to go … told him I really wanted to … but the sooner he gets back to being the old Brian the better … and the only way I know he can do that is to get back on the scene” answered Michael “and if that means keeping him company until he sets his sights on some hot trick … well …” and he put his hand up to Ben, indicating an answer to his call.

“Hi Em … are you up for Babylon tonight?” he asked into the cell phone.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“What’s all that about do you think?” asked Ted as Emmett replaced his cell phone in his pocket. They’d gone to the diner and were sitting at the counter, waiting for their order to arrive, when Michael called to ask them if they’d like to go to Babylon.

“I’m not really sure,” answered Emmett, as confused as Ted.

“It’s been months since we’ve been to Babylon and I don’t think Brian set foot in the place after he’d starting seeing Mark,” he continued and Ted smiled at him. “Sounds like Michael’s up to something if you ask me …” 

“What’s my son been up to?” asked Debbie, bringing both men their meals and placing them on the counter in front of them.

“He’s got Brian to agree to go to Woody’s tonight,” answered Emmett “and then we’re all going on to Babylon …”

“Well, I guess he was going to have to get out there again sooner or later,” replied Debbie and she looked at Justin and saw him yawn. He was standing between Ted and the kitchen, waiting for a rush order and Justin glanced at her and smiled and she smiled back. Yep, he’d heard their conversation all right.

Brian had hardly stepped inside the diner since their last encounter and the young man hadn’t had any opportunity to get the man on his own; not that Brian had indicated any intention of wanting to have anything to do with him. But maybe if he went to the club and made sure Brian saw him there; he knew the man was attracted to him; he just had to remind him how much.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Wednesday night and after a few drinks at Woody’s, the gang were pretty relaxed; even Brian, after a glass of Beam inside him.

Michael had caught him in a good mood: calling him up on the pretence of talking about Debbie’s birthday in a few days. Brian had just closed a campaign likely to go national and before he knew it, he’d agreed to go out dancing. He’d thought about calling back and cancelling and then decided what the hell; what would it hurt. Consequently he’d spent almost an hour choosing what to wear for his first venture back into the scene and in the end settled on a pair of black pants so tight he almost had to be poured into them and a black wife beater. 

Not bad for a 32 year old, he told himself, standing in front of the mirror and indeed heads had turned the moment he stepped into Woody’s. It was good to be back and at least here the place wasn’t just full of kids: unlike Babylon.

11:30 and there was already a queue outside the door, but it didn’t take too long before the gang were admitted into the club; the dance floor already heaving with the throng of hot bodies.

Ted, Emmett and Brian headed for the bar, and despite his earlier misgivings, Ben soon dragged Michael out onto the dance floor; determined to get in at least one dance before his partner insisted that he keep Brian company and Ben had nodded and kissed him; knowing how deep their friendship linked them, but also knowing their own relationship was under no threat from it.

Michael had dragged an initially reluctant Brian onto the floor and it wasn’t long before the old familiarity of the club and the scene came flooding back. Even if the gang were among the oldest there, Brian could hold his own with the best of them and soon found himself fending off several unwanted advances.

Mark had never been into the club scene so at least Brian didn’t feel awkward or even guilty that he was back in familiar territory without him, even though so far he’d not seen anyone who remotely interested him: But suddenly that all changed.

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Justin had started back at school a few days earlier and it wasn’t easy, juggling his classes, assignments and working at the diner. But the tiredness he’d felt earlier had been shrugged off as he dashed home after the end of his shift to get ready for a night’s dancing. And out he went, wearing dark blue pants and the nice new blue shirt he’d bought at ‘Torso’; the fabric reflecting the colour of his eyes and Justin had climbed the steps up to the gallery and had spotted Brian dancing with Michael straight away. 

Casting an eye over the floor, Justin’s gaze rested on a man a little older than himself and smiling, he acknowledged the man’s request and made his way down to the floor, hoping that before too long, Brian would be aware of his presence.

Justin and the man were soon gyrating to the music; the guy standing behind him and Justin leaning into him and he had to admit the guy was hot. He thought he’d caught Brian looking in his direction, but so far the man had done nothing to indicate he even knew Justin was there, let alone show any signs of interest.

But Brian had spotted Justin standing up on the gallery and had watched him descend the steps to join the guy waiting for him on the dance floor. He couldn’t be sure whether Justin knew he was there or not, but the sight of him dancing so closely with the man brought a pain in his chest he couldn’t ignore.

Brian watched as the man whispered in Justin’s ear; he wanted to go to the back room. Justin hesitated; he hadn’t had sex with anyone since Mark had died and for a moment, wondered that it was too soon to forget the feelings he once had. But why the hell shouldn’t he go? If Mark was cheating on him why the hell should he feel guilty once the man was dead and Justin nodded and the trick took his hand and led him away. Justin glanced in Brian’s direction. He was sure the man must have seen him but obviously didn’t give a damn. Well, Justin didn’t give a damn either: for Brian or Mark. Why should he? After all, this was just a fuck and nothing else.

Brian watched him go; it was obvious where the two of them were heading and now his feet felt like two lead weights.

“Hey … are you okay?” asked Michael: wondering why Brian had stopped dancing.

“Yeah … I … I’m sorry Mikey,” yelled Brian in his friend’s ear. “Maybe this wasn’t such a great idea after all … I’m gonna call it a night …” and abruptly, Brian walked off the dance floor, leaving Michael standing on his own; Ben had seen what had happened and went to join Michael.

“What happened there?” he asked him. “Damned if I know,” stated Michael and they finished the dance together.

Justin stopped at the top of the stairs leading down to the back room and the trick looked around at him.

“I’m sorry … I can’t do this …” and Justin pulled away from the guy. Suddenly, Justin knew that on this occasion, anonymous sex; regardless of the detachment he felt to the man, just wasn’t for him, but he’d managed to take just half a dozen steps before the man caught him by the elbow and spun him around.

“Where the fuck are you going … you little cock tease …”

“Fuck off … leave me alone …” and Justin tried to pull away, but the man refused to budge and actually tightened his grip, preventing Justin’s escape.

“He said leave him alone.” Suddenly, Brian was standing between Justin and the trick; forcing him to let go of Justin’s arm and Brian glared down at the man, daring him to take him on. This type of physical altercation was normally unappealing, but seeing Justin having difficulty in shaking the guy off, Brian couldn’t ignore his situation. 

Coming to Justin’s rescue was getting to be a habit, but somehow being there when the blond needed someone to help him out felt okay.

The man took just a few seconds before he knew he was on a hiding to nothing.
“He’s all yours” he growled at Brian and then turned on his heel.

“Thanks … ” said Justin, quietly and rubbing his arm, but Brian just smiled. “Look … about what happened at Debbie’s …” continued the blond.

“You wanna drink?” asked Brian, cutting him off. “Okay …” replied Justin and he followed him to the bar. 

“I thought you were going home …” stated Michael, now standing with the gang at the bar and then he saw Justin and he took Brian by the elbow. “What the fuck are you doing?” he asked him; trying to make himself heard over the music but not wanting to shout loud enough so that the blond would hear him. 

“We’re just having a drink, Michael,” answered Brian and he pulled away from him.

Having ordered their drinks, Brian indicated a rarity at Babylon; a vacant quiet corner and they sat back from the crowd, finding a little peace in the busy club: Brian wanting to get away from the enquiring looks of his friends and out of earshot.

“I’ve been wanting to tell you,” said Justin, after taking a sip of his drink. “They gave me a place at PIFA … I started back this week …” and Brian smiled. “Well … they’d be mad not to … the talent you’ve got”.

“And I’ve you to thank …” continued the blond. “Bullshit,” snapped Brian. “You’re the one with the talent … it’s all down to you”.

“But about the computer …” Brian closed his eyes and Justin saw a flicker of disappointment on the older man’s face and he suddenly realised the last thing Brian needed now was for him to reject his gift.

Justin bit his lip. Maybe now wasn’t the time to tell him would only keep it if Brian allowed him to think of its purchase as a loan, but if he did that then he wouldn’t be true to himself and he hoped Brian was the sort of man who would recognise that.

“I know it’s expensive … and I want to pay you back. It wasn’t an old one that was being thrown out … was it?” he asked him and Brian smiled and took a sip of his drink. Justin was no freeloader and despite the disappointment he felt, Brian totally understood that he wouldn’t accept it for free; that Justin was someone who wanted to stand on his own two feet and that was fine; he could respect that. 

“You can’t afford it,” said Brian and that was the fact of it. “Not now, I know,” replied Justin. “But I will … one day” and Brian nodded. “Yes,” he agreed. “I believe you will” and he swallowed the rest of his drink down in one.

Justin sighed, thankful that Brian hadn’t been offended or had felt rejected. But at the same time he smiled to himself: It felt good; having someone like Brian around as a safety net and then he realised what Brian’s comment had implied; that maybe he expected Justin to be around for quite some time.

“So … isn’t it a school night?” asked Brian and Justin nodded. “Then I guess we should get you home …” Justin thought about objecting; after all he was hardly a kid who should be told what time to go to bed and to get up for school in the morning. But somehow, this level of concern from Brian was totally acceptable and besides, there was the ride home in the car to look forward to.

Twenty minutes later they pulled up outside of Debbie’s, Brian cut the engine and they sat in the dark; the car only illuminated by the street lamp Brian had parked under and neither of them speaking for a full two minutes.

“So …” said Brian eventually. “So …” echoed Justin and they both smiled; feeling a little awkward and not sure how they should end the evening.

“Sunshine huh?” asked Brian and Justin grinned and even in the sparse lighting, he could see the young man’s face light up with the most beautiful smile Brian knew he had ever seen and wondered why he was such a fool, constantly rejecting him; always keeping him at a safe distance.

Justin put his hand at the back of Brian’s neck and the man turned to face him. Slowly, Brian lent in and kissed him; nothing hurried or needy, but a kiss deepened; given and received with an abiding affection and a flicker of acceptance.

“Will I see you?” asked Justin, once the kiss was broken. “I’m pretty busy this week … I’m out of town on Friday,” replied Brian, now regretting his agreement to go to a client rather than the client travelling to Pittsburgh. “But it’s Debbie’s birthday on Saturday … are you going to the dinner?”

“I’ve not been invited,” replied Justin. 

“Well … then I’m inviting you.”

“Are you asking me out on a date?” chuckled Justin.

“Don’t push it,” replied Brian, but Justin saw the amusement in the older man’s eyes and he smiled. He would think of it as a date, even if Brian didn’t and he got out of the car. “See you Saturday,” said Justin and he turned to go up the steps.

Brian caught himself smiling as he watched the young man turn around and wave before entering the house and then Brian closed his eyes. Damn, that did sound remarkably like he was asking the blond out on a date; he’d have to watch himself, Justin was threatening to get close.

Brian started the engine and pulled away, now really looking forward to the weekend and seeing Justin, but thankfully in the company of others. Then, if things felt comfortable, well, he’d just have to see how they went on from there: nothing serious: just a bit of fun. 

Well, that’s what Brian was telling himself and Justin let the curtain fall back into place as the car’s taillights disappeared from view.


To be continued.