This is easy as lovers go. So don't complicate it by hesitating. This is wonderful as loving goes. This is tailor made, What's the sense in waiting? -As Lovers Go, Dashboard Confessional All I want for my seventeenth birthday is to wake up in Brian’s bed, but the fact that he hasn’t called me in three days makes that seem highly unlikely. I can’t help but feel like he is doing this on purpose. He hasn’t even come by the diner for his daily coffee fix. I wish that things were as simple as they seem in the movies. I wish that Brian and I could give into the longing we feel for each other, but that doesn’t seem to be an option. I remember the way he feigned indifference the last morning we spent together. I woke up on his couch with his arms wound tightly around me and his morning hard-on against my ass. When he finally woke up we greeted each other with awkward “good morning”s and Brian excused himself to take care of his no-so-little problem. When he came back we sat at his kitchen table in silence until he made a feeble attempt of acting like he had a lot to do that day and abruptly ushered me out the door. I just finished working the late shift and find myself walking home at midnight. The temperature has dropped considerably and I wrap my arms around myself as the roar of an engine alerts me to the fact that I am being followed. I don’t have to turn around to know that he’s finally come out of hiding. He calls my name and tells me to get my ass in the car. I get in without making eye contact and lean my head against the seat. He has the heater on, but the warmth I feel is brought on by his unwavering stare. I resist for about fifteen seconds before I surrender and turn to face him. He looks disheveled to say the least, like he has something on his mind. He clearly hasn’t bothered to shave since I last saw him and he’s sporting that just rolled out of bed look. He’s never looked more beautiful. He’s about to say something but stops himself and offers me a smirk instead as if that’s enough to make me forgive him for neglecting to keep in touch. And it is. I can’t stop myself from returning his smirk and relaxing into my seat as he puts the jeep in drive and takes off down the street. He must have sequestered himself away in his apartment while putting on his disappearing act because the ashtray is overflowing and beer bottles litter every available surface. We make small talk before settling on the couch and flipping through the channels on the television. We stay like this for a while before Brian speaks up. “Have you thought about what you want for your birthday?” He can’t imagine how much I’ve thought about it, but I choose to keep my birthday wish to myself and answer with indifference, “I don’t need anything, but I’d appreciate anything you gave me.” After a thoughtful pause, Brian whispered the words he had been mulling over the last few days, “I think you are too young to accept what I am willing to give.” I want to take comfort in this not so subtle reference to his feelings for me, but instead I choose to concentrate on the negative, “Don’t do that. Don’t treat me like a child.” “That’s what you are Justin...” I cut him off before he can twist the knife into my chest any further, “Fuck you. If you have so little faith in my maturity level, I suggest you keep your distance. I’d hate to see you waste your time on a silly little boy.” “That’s not what I meant and you know it.” “I only know what you tell me.” With that, I make my way out the door, cursing myself for wanting him even more, but not letting myself run back to him.