Month Four: Week Four Monday afternoon arrived and Brian was already exhausted. After the attack on Friday, Christopher Hobbes had been patched up by Liberty’s doctors and then given-over into police custody. With Lindsay so focussed on the other outcome of the attack -- Justin speaking -- Brian had been seeing far more of the woman than he had ever wanted. Justin refused to cooperate unless Brian was with him, so now Brian had two sessions, one privately in the morning, and the other accompanying Justin. ”Hey, Justin?” Michael asked, coming up to where the blond was sitting at the end of the couch in the rec room. “How are you feeling?” Michael was overwhelmed with the fact that Justin was speaking, but was having a bit of difficulty understanding exactly what was going on with Hobbes. He couldn’t comprehend why Justin didn’t speak all the time. “Justin?” Michael asked, reaching a hand out to shake Justin’s shoulder. Justin smacked Michael’s hand before it made contact, and before the man could start getting worked-up, Brian flashed him a warning look and shook his head. Michael, at least, knew to trust Brian, and backed-off. Justin turned back to the wall he’d been staring at and sat silently. “What’s going on in there?” Debbie asked when Brian left the rec room to go to the bathroom and grab their meal trays. “Michael said Sunshine smacked him.” “Deb,” Brian said. “I know Sunshine would never hurt my Mikey, I’m just asking how he’s holding up,” Debbie said. “He’s still inhaling and exhaling,” Brian said. Justin had times when he simply shut down. It had happened several times in the past few days, and lasted for varying amounts of time. It was a relief, in Brian’s opinion, that Justin was at least sitting openly outside their room today. He’d been more guarded since he’d left solitary. Lindsay had wanted to leave him in solitary for a while; to give him time to adjust, but Justin had refused. “Lunch,” Brian said as he placed the meal-tray on the coffee table. “Are you going to eat?” Justin sighed a long-suffering sigh, and picked up the tray. Brian watched the blond push the food around his plate, every once and a while lifting a bite to his mouth. He didn’t say anything. “Justin,” Brian said as Justin sat mutely across from him. “You told me things about your parents. I think it might make more sense to Lindsay if she knew about it.” Justin looked at him back at him, hesitancy clear in his expression. “I’ll tell her for you, and I’ll tell her to let you talk about it in your own time. But in the meantime she’ll know, and it can help her understand what’s going on.” It had made a lot of sense to Brian when Justin had told him, and he wasn’t a therapist. Justin seemed to think about it, and then nodded. “I’m not talking to her about it,” Justin said. “And if she brings it up I’ll leave.” “Fair enough,” Brian said. ........................ Justin’s sessions were like dancing around an elephant. He’d vetoed talking about the attacks and talking about his parents. Lindsay concentrated on going over Justin’s options now that Christopher had been caught. “I want to hurt him,” Justin said darkly. “I think you’ve accomplished that, Sunshine,” Brian joked. Christopher had left Liberty with more than one cast, and too many cuts and bruises to count. Justin elbowed Brian in the side, but he was smiling somewhat sheepishly and that was better than the fury Brian had seen on his face a moment before. “Okay,” Lindsay said. “ Does that mean you want to press charges?” Justin was quiet for a moment. He’d already listened to Brian talking about this, and Daphne and Debbie. Everyone seemed to have their own opinion. “Will I have to testify?” “There are ways around that, you’re still a patient at this hospital,” Lindsay said. “Can Melanie take the case?” Justin asked. Lindsay smiled warmly. “Sure,” she said. “Okay,” Justin said. “That’s fine, then.” .............................. Melanie was there bright and early on Wednesday morning, and she and Justin reached a compromise. Justin refused to discuss the attacks but he wrote everything out. Lindsay informed Melanie and Brian privately that this was understandable, especially given the information Brian had relayed to her. Justin was scared of what he was capable of, more so now that he had attacked Christopher. “He has so much rage inside him, he doesn’t have a way to let it out. He’s scared that if he starts talking, he’ll let it out and it will take him over, like it did that night with Christopher, and he won’t be able to control it.” “But he’s sticking to Brian like a shadow,” Melanie said. “Like he’s scared of something.” “He is scared -- but of himself, mostly. At this moment, he trusts Brian will be able to stop him if something happens. Brian isn’t so much protecting Justin as he is protecting everyone else from Justin,” Lindsay said. “Shit,” Brian said. “Don’t worry. I’m changing our afternoon appointments to private sessions with Justin. I’ll speak with him about this. You’re leaving at the end of the week, this won’t change that,” Lindsay said. “If this is going to fuck him up ...” Brian said. “I’ll speak with him,” Lindsay assured them. ............................ As dramatic as the actual final attack had been, the rest was anticlimactic. Justin contributed his written testimony, and then was left to himself. The witnesses were nursing staff and Melanie arranged to have them testify in court, but Brian was told he wouldn’t have to. He submitted his own written testimony and that was it, unless she notified him otherwise. Melanie was more than confident that everything would be settled soon. In the meantime Justin began to settle down. He disappeared to the library again, or out to the garden to walk around. He spoke only when Lindsay or Brian were with him, but he was speaking more often and to more people. Mealtimes consisted of Justin sitting by Brian and talking up a storm with Daphne or Debbie -- whichever nurse was on duty. It was easy for Justin to trust the two nurses who had been a part of his life since he first arrived at Liberty. Soon Justin was spending as much time in the library as he was in the nurse’s station, sometimes just listening to the nurses talk and other times sharing jokes or conversations. When Thursday came, Justin decided not to accompany everyone on the trip -- this time to an amusement park. Brian stayed back as well, even if Justin hadn’t asked him to. He had noticed the relief in the blue eyes when he had told the staff and knew he’d made the right choice. They spent the day sitting at the top of the hill in their place, not talking. When the sun began to set, Justin had sighed and then crumpled over sideways. Brian wondered if this were some new attack, until Justin’s crumpled body proceeded to tumble down the hill. It was a small thing, really, but it was a step in the right direction, at least. Justin wasn’t subdued; he was just taking a while to get his bearings. Brian watched Justin’s progress silently. He wondered about his promise. The week before had been different, but he had almost been too late. In fact, he was certain he would have been entirely too late if Justin hadn’t decided to fight his attacker off. He felt guilty and responsible for the state in which his blond roommate was. ..................... “I’m too tired to do this,” Justin said to Lindsay. She frowned and looked over at him. “It’s like, I keep fighting and fighting and things just don’t change. I need a break.” “Justin, I know Liberty has offered you some frightening fights in the past, but I want you to know that things will definitely be different. You’re going to have that break.” “Do you think I can do this?” Justin asked, he sounded so very young. “Do you think I can get better?” “All it takes is enough strength in your heart,” Lindsay said. “I think you have more than it takes. It won’t be easy, and it won’t happen quickly. But it will happen, just be patient with yourself. However you feel, just be patient.” Justin rested his head in his hands and let out a breath. ........................ Friday night Justin crept across the room and climbed into Brian’s bed. He didn’t say anything, so Brian stayed quiet, simply shifted a little so Justin could settle against his side and rest his head in that spot on Brian’s chest. The arm that lay across Brian’s stomach was holding Gus-bear as well, and Brian’s left hand was in Justin’s hair, the other hand holding Justin close. For the longest while they just lay there very still, breathing in and out. Finally, relaxed and exhausted, Justin fell into sleep, and Brian kissed his head and sighed. Even if he hadn’t already decided, there was no way he could have ignored it, ignored the warmth of Justin’s body, and how that warmth soothed him. No matter how he labelled what he had been doing since he’d come to Liberty, it didn’t change the fact that he had chosen Justin in the beginning, and had been defending him ever since. ...................... Saturday before dinner Justin stopped by Brian’s bed where he had been reading. “I just want to be normal for a second,” Justin said, and Brian smiled a little. He closed his book and stood up. “Okay.” They walked to the edge of the garden, to their place, and Brian looked at the hill remembering when Justin had rolled down and then goaded Brian into following him. Justin paced for a moment, before he turned to Brian. “You’re leaving tomorrow,” he said, then frowned as if that hadn’t been what he’d planned to say. He breathed out a puff of air and then shrugged. “I don’t want you to say anything,” he said. “I just wanted to tell you something because I think you should know, but don’t say anything.” “Okay,” Brian said. Justin narrowed his eyes at him and Brian laughed and held-up his hands. “It’s completely crazy, and entirely irrational, and it doesn’t make any sense,” Justin said, the words suddenly tumbling out, as if he had only just been managing to contain them. “But I thought you should know that I can’t help it, I just like you, maybe even love you and you don’t need to say anything or do anything, it’s just sort of, like, for your information or whatever, -- you know -- that somebody really does ... love you.” Justin stopped pacing, shrugged a little helplessly. He scratched at the hair behind his ear and looked back to Building Three. “So, -- now you know.” Brian watched Justin walk briskly back to their building trying to process the rambling words, feeling more than a little overwhelmed. .................... There was a fair-sized group that walked with him out to the Jeep that had been brought up to Liberty on Saturday morning. Michael, Lindsay, Justin, Blake, Debbie, Vic and Daphne followed him out to the driveway and even if he wasn’t fond of soppy good-byes, he was hugged by every one of them. Except Justin, who despite stealing glances and offering shy smiles hadn’t said much of anything. When Brian came to Justin, the blond held-out Gus-bear. “A souvenir!” he offered, with a smile. “Justin,” Brian said. “You have to take him,” Justin insisted. “He might help.” Brian wasn’t going to get into a mushy argument: ‘but what about you?’ ‘Don’t worry about me.’ There was just too much potential and Brian didn’t want to go there. Especially because he knew that Justin would milk it for all it was worth and tease him about it mercilessly. “Thanks,” he said instead. “Hey, when do I officially become free?” he asked Lindsay. “Liberty tradition is you’re officially free once all the papers are signed and you step-off the sidewalk onto the driveway,” Blake answered instead. Brian looked back at Justin and stepped backward onto the paved drive. He watched as Justin tried to smile, and then as pale brows knitted when Brian grabbed a hold of Justin’s shirt and tugged him to the edge of the sidewalk. Then they were just kissing, and nothing else mattered. Brian thought Justin tasted sweeter than he had imagined he might. Traces of the chocolate Justin had munched on that morning, and something else, something electric. Justin welcomed Brian’s tongue into his mouth, sighed a little and pressed his body closer to the other man’s. When they pulled apart to breathe, Justin was gripping Brian’s shirt and Brian’s fingers were wrapped in blond hair. “Good-bye,” Justin said, his elated expression suddenly sobering. Brian smiled a little; it quickly turned into a mischievous smirk. “Later,” he corrected. Justin’s smile started small, and then grew until Brian could fully understand why Justin’s nickname was ‘Sunshine’. “Later,” Justin agreed. Brian pulled the door closed to his Jeep and for a moment just paused before turning the ignition, looking in the rear-view mirror where he could see Daphne and Vic and Debbie, Michael, and Justin and the others. Justin was right, it was sometimes all too easy to forget, but the world was full of beautiful things. In the rear-view, he saw Justin grin a little and raise his eyebrows, knowing that Brian was watching. Brian smiled back, shook his head and turned the ignition. A thousand beautiful things. ----------------------- The End: