“What the fuck is that?” Brian asked as Justin came down the stairs from the bedroom dressed in cargo pants and running shoes and that ratty sweater Brian had seen him wear on the field trips at Liberty.

“A sweater?” Justin said. He looked up at Brian, oddly vulnerable and Brian wasn’t sure how to proceed. He had no idea about the symbolism of the sweater; Justin hadn’t spoken a word about it. All Brian knew was that it was too big, and too ratty, and it did nothing for the young man who wore it. Then again, Brian thought as he watched Justin fiddle with the holes in the sleeve, nervously wrapping it around his fingers and then unwrapping it, maybe it was like a security blanket.

Justin had been nervous ever since Brian had mentioned going to the Diner and meeting the Gang, Brian’s Gang, which was growing faster than he had ever anticipated. He could practically hear all the thoughts buzzing through Justin’s head, wanting Brian’s friends to like him, worried about the crowds, worried about saying or doing the wrong thing, about being ridiculed because he’d spent two years in a mental institution. Showing up in that sweater wasn’t going to do him any favours, but Brian read Justin’s body language and figured it would at least comfort the nervous blond.

Justin’s mood-swings were getting confusing. At times Justin was cocky and confident, at others he was a barely contained mess. So far as Brian could see, the best way to handle it was to ignore it. Justin usually got himself under control, and seemed more frustrated with his nerves than anything, so Brian played it cool, pretended he didn’t notice and did his best to appear as if he wasn’t watching over the younger man like a hawk. So far it was working.

“Let’s go,” Brian said, Justin smiled a little and walked quickly out of the loft. “Forget something?” Brian called, holding-up the messenger bag that Justin had taken to carrying around. It contained a sketchbook and pencils and god knew what else. Justin grinned, accepted the bag and then jogged down the stairs.

Emmett was walking into the Diner as they pulled up, and Brian was pleased to see that Justin relaxed. From previous experience hitting Woody’s together, Brian knew that for Justin heading into a new environment, having two allies was better than having one. It proved to be true once more, because as they entered the Diner Brian smirked to realize that Justin’s strutting walk was back and he followed Emmett confidently to the booth.

“Everyone!” Emmett said, taking it upon himself to make introductions. “This is Justin!” Justin grinned and waved, and slid into a new booth across from Emmett and beside Brian. 

“Blake?” Justin asked, his eyebrows suddenly rising at the sight of who had twisted around to see him.

“Hi! It’s good to see you again. How have you been doing?” Blake asked, one arm slung around Ted, and the other reaching out to Justin.

Justin turned a bit red and scratched behind his ear. “Fine,” he said.

“He’s been making waves across town,” Brian answered, wrapping an arm around Justin. He ignored the slightly devoted smile Justin flashed in his direction, but he doubted that Ben had missed it if the smile the man was giving the newest addition was anything to go by.

Brian had been braced for the comments. Years of care and commitment-free tricking had made him notorious. Ted and Ben both frequently spoke about Brian’s exploits, though for different reasons. Ted always seemed a little bitter and jealous, Ben wanted Brian to convert to the Zen-life and become some celibate monk with a husband. Ben wouldn’t have brought it up at the Diner, though, in front of someone like Justin, but Brian was certain Ben spoke with David about his tricking, and David was exactly the sort of person who would bring it up.

The conversation continued, Ben and Justin getting along quite well, and not a mention was made about Brian’s exploits. He was sure that Blake’s left hand, which was not visible above the table, likely, had a grip of some part of Ted (Brian didn’t want to think about what part) in case he made a comment. And Emmett had stepped in twice to distract Justin from David’s snarking and Brian appreciated that at least there were some people willing to give him a chance.

He’d stopped tricking, after all. Once he’d invited Justin to stay at the loft, there really had been no other option. So Brian resolved to not trick until he knew exactly what Justin wanted, that way the blond had no surprises coming his way. Except that he didn’t exactly know about Brian’s past. At least, when it came-up, Brian would be able to emphasise that it was the past.

As the plates were cleared and conversation died, Ben leaned over to Justin. “We’re heading over to Babylon tonight, if you want to come.”

“No shit,” Justin, who had hung on Brian’s every word when he’d described the place, was eager to see it. “Tonight?”

“We have other plans,” Brian cut-in. “We’ll be there Wednesday, though.”

“Why did you say we had other plans?” Justin asked when they were leaving the Diner. “I want to see what it’s like.”

“I know you do,” Brian said. “And you will. But not tonight.” 

“Do we actually have other plans?” Justin asked as he shut the door to the Jeep. Brian turned to look at the young man, his lips quirked, his tongue in his cheek. 

.............................

“You know what’s weird?” Justin asked. He was lying on the floor of the loft, like a starfish and when he spoke he crinkled his nose.

“People who screw metal spikes into their skull because they don’t like their hair?” Brian guessed.

“No,” Justin said. “Well, that’s weird, but that’s not the weird thing I was thinking about.” Brian handed the joint back to Justin, and Justin took a hit, holding it in like Brian had shown him. “When you wiggle your eyebrows.”

“Me?”

“No, anyone. Wiggling their eyebrows. It’s weird.” Brian waited until Justin tilted his head up, and then he wiggled his eyebrows. Justin watched it blankly, then comment. “It’s, like, really skanky,” Justin said.

“Does anyone use the word ‘skanky’ anymore?”

“I do.”

“Anyone not weird?”

“Well, if they don’t, they should,” Justin said. “Skanky is a good word. Like mewl or lethargic.”

“Lethargic?”

“It’s a good word. People don’t use it so often. They say ‘lazy’, but lethargic is a good word.”

“So’s stoned,” Brian said.

“Yeah, I like that too.” They snickered for a minute. “I’m glad we had other plans tonight.”

“What plans?”

“The other plans you said we had, that were really to just come back here and get stoned. That was a good plan,” Justin said.

“You’re just saying that because you’re stoned,” Brian said.

“Exactly.” Like any good conversation explored while stoned, theirs rambled over several different subjects each of which they discussed quite seriously, until Brian brought up the blue sweater.

“What blue sweater?” Justin asked, confused.

“The one you have on.”

Justin lifted his head off the floor and picked at the sweater. “Hey!” he said, as if he hadn’t realized what he had on. “Oh this has history,” he said.

“I know,” Brian said. “That’s why I asked.”

“Sweater history, 101,” Justin said, and he snickered. “The first boy I ever had a crush on gave it to me. It’s how I knew I was gay.”

“Because you liked his sweater?”

“We were on a field trip, I have no idea where we went,” Justin said, holding the joint between his fingers and using his thumb to scratch above his eyebrow. “Probably the museum or something. Because, you know, it was a class trip so it had to have been educational. Anyway, he was the older brother of a kid in school. Totally hot, and I’d been stealing glances at him. When we were leaving, it had gotten really cold -- because weather does that in the winter -- and all I had was my long-sleeved shirt and my vest. So he gave me his sweater, because he had a warm coat and shirt underneath.”

“Did it look like that?” Brian asked, eyeing the sweater distastefully.

“It was new at that point,” Justin said. “But I took it when my parents told me we were going on a car-ride, because it looked like it might be cold, and because it made me feel safe. It reminded me, you know? Of who I was.”

“A big queer,” Brian said.

“The biggest,” Justin said. Then he snickered, and Brian joined in, until he slid off the couch he’d been sprawled on. “Weed makes you graceful,” Justin said. Which only prompted them to laugh more.

The next morning, as he dressed for work, trying not to wake Justin, Brian eyed the blue sweater that lay on the ground. It looked as if, at one point, it might have been a dark indigo blue, now it was faded, and worn soft. There were holes in the cuffs, where Justin’s nervous fingers twisted; stretched out from all the times Justin had pulled it over his bent knees. Brian finished fixing his tie, then bent and picked up the shirt, folding it and placing it in one of Justin’s drawers. 

..........................

Justin woke-up late, and was momentarily disoriented. It had been well over two years since he had slept in. He decided he liked it. He breathed deep and yawned and stretched out on the bed. He knew Brian would have left for work already, and so he flipped onto his back, and then rolled over onto his stomach until his face was buried in Brian’s pillow and he breathed in deep. Then rolled his eyes at himself. He wiggled his toes and then rolled again, out of bed and hopped up onto his feet. He couldn’t remember how he had gotten to bed last night, but wasn’t worried, maybe Brian had carried him, or maybe they had both staggered into it. It didn’t matter. He felt well rested and relaxed in a way he hadn’t felt in some time.

With a bounce in his step, Justin ate his late breakfast, washed and dressed, and then jogged down the stairs and out into the street. He paused, waiting for the usual ripples of panic, but none came, so he picked a direction and started walking.

He’d spoken to Lindsay on Thursday and come to a decision. After the incident with Brian’s mother, Justin was worried that he hadn’t entirely dealt with his anger. The only way he knew to deal with it, besides bottling it up and trying to ignore it, was to paint until it got out of his system. Clearly, painting wasn’t enough, though. When he had attacked Hobbes there had been a sort of freedom he’d felt, just because he was finally beating the shit out of someone, just like he’d wanted to do. He’d wanted to strike back at his father those years ago, but he couldn’t because he’d still loved his father, because he hadn’t quite realized that his father and the man choking him were the same person. With Hobbes, he’d been held back by many reasons, but when he had lashed-out, he felt free and that had been amazing.

Since going around and beating people up wasn’t an option Justin liked, he chose the only other thing that made sense. ‘Street Smartz’ was a small gym two blocks away from the loft. There were large windows and a big blue and orange sign above it. Inside, the walls were an exotic blue, with mirrors covering one length of the wall and mats on the floor. The woman at the desk by the door had greeted him brightly, and happily signed him up for a course.

They taught a wide-range of things at Street Smartz from karate and tai chi, to kick boxing and regular boxing. Since Justin didn’t know anything besides the fact that he wanted to punch something, he signed-up for a general course that would teach him a little bit of everything. The group was small, and Paula -- who was the woman who had greeted him -- had nothing but good things to say about the instructor. The class met twice a week, on Tuesdays and Thursdays. 

From there, Justin took his sketchbook to a park and sketched some of the children playing, and the mothers running after them, or sitting on the benches as talking. One of the children had a puppy, and Justin thought sadly of Tigger. He’d been putting it off, but he would have to return to his parents house to gather some of his things, and let Molly know where he was. He also missed his dog. Maybe he could convince Brian to let him bring Tigger back to stay with them?

He picked up some fresh vegetables on the way home and decided that he’d make a salad, he didn’t feel very hungry, thoughts of his parents usually robbed him of his appetite.

.......................

Moby had been Justin’s reward to himself after he had stayed perfectly calm while he had walked down a busy Liberty Avenue in the evening, and suffering through an ugly man trying to pick him up. It wasn’t so much that the man had been unattractive than that he had repeatedly invaded Justin’s personal space. 

In celebration of his imminent introduction to Babylon, Justin cranked the stereo as he got dressed. “What the fuck are you listening to?” Brian asked.

“Moby!” Justin said as he bopped a bit, only partly because he was slipping into a pair of jeans. “It’s really hot!” Brian tried to stifle a smile and rolled his eyes. Justin whipped the pullover he had been wearing off and bopped to the T-shirt he’d draped over the back of the sofa, tilting his head from side to side. “Woo!” he said, in time to the song.

Brian snorted and focussed on buttoning his shirt. His eyes kept skirting sideways to look at the smooth expanse of skin that was Justin’s back, or to observe Justin’s lean body as he danced and attempted to writhe his way into his shirt at the same time. He’d been reduced to jerking-off in the shower to thoughts of the young blond, and that was something he was not used to.

“Ready?” Justin asked.

“Lead the way,” Brian said. Justin turned off the stereo and followed Brian to the door. Brian had to admit he liked the robin’s egg blue shirt Justin was wearing, with the yellow edging. Justin plain enough, and yet tight enough that Justin looked delicious. 

Justin was entirely excited about going to Babylon. He loved dancing, he loved music, he had not had the chance to go dancing in ages, and never at a gay dance club. He really hadn’t thought it through. He was all grins and giggles until Brian led him beyond the chain-link curtain and Justin saw the sea of half-naked men. The entire club was packed with them, they were dancing and drinking and ... Justin gaped as he saw three men practically going at it in a corner.

He gripped Brian’s arm so he didn’t lose him in the crowd, and thanked the dim lighting because Brian couldn’t see that Justin’s smile was a tense one. They made it to the bar, and Justin realized that Brian’s height had worked to their advantage because Brian had spotted David and Ben and Emmett.

“Hey, Baby!” Emmett greeted, bouncing over and kissing Justin’s cheek.

“Hi! This is incredible,” he said.

“Isn’t it?” Emmett said. “Welcome to Babylon!” He threw his arms wide.

“One day, Simba, this will all be yours,” Brian said. Justin elbowed him in the side. Brian rolled his eyes and handed over a double shot of Beam. Justin knocked it back and ordered another.

“Whoa, slow down,” Ben said, chuckling. “We’ve got all night.” Justin didn’t say that that was what he was afraid of.

“Want to dance?” Brian asked. Justin grinned and nodded. Justin kept his body close to Brian’s as they danced, knowing that Brian would keep him safe. The music was loud and thrumming, and Justin thought the music was so loud it was changing the rhythm of his heart to match the downbeat. He closed his eyes and tried to forget everything else around.

They danced a few songs and then headed back to the bar, each picking up another shot, and then Brian insisting they drink some water. “You really don’t want a hangover tomorrow.” Justin had never drunk so much in his life, and trusted that Brian knew more about avoiding the downside of alcohol, so he drank the water.

“Hey,” Ben said, “Let’s dance.” He tilted his head towards the dance floor and Brian turned to look at Justin.

“Are you okay?” he asked.

“Yeah, go ahead,” Justin said. “I’m fine.” Brian nodded and he and Ben were soon lost in the crowd. Justin took a breath and was surprised when someone slid close against him. “David?” he asked.

David grinned and stepped back. “Sorry, I was pushed.”

“That’s fine,” Justin said, fiddling with the beer he’d ordered. 

“This isn’t really my scene,” David said. “It’s like a flesh market. People here lose sight of the other part of hooking up. Meeting someone who thinks the same, or feels the same. Finding someone who isn’t just interested in the sex.”

“Hm,” Justin said, sipping his beer. 

“You don’t strike me as the sort of person who hooks-up for something casual. How the hell did you meet Brian?”

Justin frowned. He didn’t want to talk about how he had met Brian, didn’t want to discuss his history, not with David, not with anyone. “Emmett!” he greeted as the taller man danced over to them. He latched on the opportunity to change the topic.

“Hey Baby! Having a good time?”

“Yeah! Brian’s dancing with Ben.”

“He left you all by your lonesome?” Emmett asked.

“I’ve been keeping an eye on him,” David said.

“But you should be dancing, Baby,” Emmett said. “Let’s go!” Justin decided he liked dancing with Emmett, he threw his arms up and waved them around so he looked a bit like an ostrich performing a rain dance, but it was completely free and he was so clearly enjoying himself that Justin decided he liked Emmett’s ‘praise Jesus’ move. 

.......................

“Where’s Justin?” Brian asked as he returned to the bar.

“Over there,” David said, pointing to Emmett and Justin. Justin had drawn a lot of attention, and he’d been watching with some amusement as Emmett and Justin continually turned away men who wanted a piece of one or the other of them.

“He seems to be having a really good time,” Ben said. 

“So do you,” David said, grinning and Ben. 

“It’s nice to get out and dance once in a while, gets me out of my head,” he said. Ben was a writer, and had been working on his next book a little obsessively. He was happy to have a distraction, a reason to take a break from writing.

“I love this place!” Justin said as he and Emmett returned to the bar. Justin wound his arms around Brian’s neck and dropped his head back. 

“What is he on?” Brian asked, glaring at Emmett.

“I gave him a tab of E. He’s okay, Brian, I’ve been watching him,” Emmett said.

“Has he done E before?” Brian asked.

“I don’t think so,” Emmett said with a shrug. “He needed to relax a little, let loose.”

“I feel amazing,” Justin said. 

“I bet you do,” Brian muttered. “At least drink this,” he handed Justin a bottle of water.

“Kay!” Justin said

“I’m taking the princess home,” Brian said. “Say bye-bye, Princess.”

“Bye!” Justin said, waving his hand.

“I love this loft,” Justin declared as Brian pulled open the door, watching warily as Justin entered. “It’s so glamorous!” He spun a circle, and then proceeded to slip out of his shoes without undoing them, and remove his coat. 

“I’m missing an arm,” he said, as he tried to pull his coat off. His left arm was stuck in the sleeve. “Seriously, Brian,” Justin said, he was walking in a circle, picking at the coat sleeve that had eaten his arm, both arms behind his back and with one shoe off and the other on.

“Christ, you’re a mess,” Brian said. “Hold still.” He slipped the coat off Justin’s shoulder and draped it over the back of the couch. “Come on, let’s get you to bed.”

“Your bed is totally hot!” Justin said, turning and heading up the stairs, Brian trailing behind him, watching in amusement as Justin, uninhibited as a result of the alcohol and the E, shed his T-shirt. His socks followed his T-shirt, arching in the air and lying in forgotten puddles on the floor, and then Justin climbed onto the bed, hopping twice before turning and grinning. Brian stood at the foot of the bed, watching Justin’s actions with amusement. “What?” Justin asked, stepping back to the edge of the bed. “What did I do?” 

Brian, however, was distracted, his attention caught on Justin’s lips, on how Justin was biting one corner. He raised a hand and gently pressed on Justin’s bottom lip, forcing white teeth to relinquish their grip; then he pressed his lips to Justin’s.

It took only a moment, and then Brian came to his senses and pulled back, not wanting to push the blond into anything. But Justin, eyes closed, followed Brian’s lips blindly and pressed them together again, his lips opening in surrender and Brian slipped his tongue inside.

Justin’s arms were wrapped around Brian’s head, their tongues slow and languid in their movement. Brian stepped up onto the mattress gripping Justin’s hips, and then circling his arms around the younger man’s waist, pulling him close. He tipped them over, until they were sprawled on the bed, and Justin’s hands ran from his head down his neck and his chest. “Off,” Justin said, his fingers frantically bunching Brian’s shirt, and tugging. Brian knelt and pulled the shirt off, then leaned forward again, welcomed by Justin’s mouth and his tongue. 

Justin’s breath was thick and his thoughts entirely focussed. He wanted Brian, he didn’t care how, he just wanted him. As the taller man’s fingers worked at his belt Justin bent his legs, his arms crossed over his face, unable to grasp that this was happening, his hips thrusting upwards of their own volition. Then Brian was kissing a trail of wet kisses down Justin’s chest, following the trail of gold hair beneath his navel, and then closing his lips around Justin’s arousal and sucking.

Justin’s hips lifted from the bed, his head tipping back and gasping. Smiling a little at the intense reaction, Brian grasped the slender hips; easing Justin back down before took more of Justin into his mouth. Justin’s arms flopped uselessly to either side of him, his mouth open but unable to voice anything beyond pleased grunts and gasps, and his eyes closed tight. He’d never felt anything like it before, he didn’t want it to ever end -- he needed it to end right that minute, needed to come. There was a vague knot of tension in his belly, warning him that this was too much, too soon, that he should be worried. But that vague knot was overwhelmed by the pleasure of Brian’s mouth on him, of that tongue working him, of Brian’s hands, and Brian’s body, and the E and the alcohol. 

Brian was watching Justin as he sucked on him, savouring each sound his touch elicited, enjoying how the blond held nothing back. He was loose and free on Brian’s bed, his fingers tangling the sheets as he gripped them, Brian could feel the bone of Justin’s right ankle between his shoulder blades as Justin’s leg pressed gently to the back of his head, trying to press him closer, trying to get more. Pale skin was covered in a sheen of sweat, Brian had never seen anything as beautiful as Justin in that moment.

“Please,” Justin said, his voice raspy, rough around the edges like it had been that first time Justin had spoken. Brian squeezed Justin’s balls and took Justin in deeply, and Justin moaned, a low debauched sound, and then Brian was swallowing as Justin came in his mouth. When Justin’s cock had stopped pulsing Justin was totally limp, his legs dropping to the bed, his fingers relaxing, and his eyes closing. Brian sat back and eyed his work with no small amount of satisfaction.

“I love you,” Justin said quietly, still gasping. Brian looked closely at Justin’s relaxed face. He’d never opened his eyes, has only whispered it quietly, as if he hadn’t expected anyone to hear but had to say it anyway. Brian didn’t think it was just the drugs talking.


 ------------------------

End Chapter Eight: