Boys of Summer Part 6 sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss “Sorry we’re late Deb. Justin had an allergy attack.” He smiled tenderly at the man he had his arm around. The two stepped back and Jennifer and Molly walked in. “Hi Debbie, you’ve met Molly haven’t you? It was wonderful to let us join you for Christmas dinner.” “Come on in Jennifer, I didn’t know you and Molly were coming. Brian was too interested in checking out Justin’s tonsils with his tongue to actually tell me who he was bringing.” Jennifer flushed with this announcement and bravely continued. “I brought you my sweet potato casserole” she handed Debbie the foil covered bowl. “Justin loves it and I’m hoping you’ll like it.” “I’m sure we will. Come on in now. Brian, take everyone’s coats and put them on top of the dryer in the laundry room.” She bustled back into the kitchen, Justin trailing after her. “We’re waiting for Lindsay, Mel and Gus and that will be everyone. You join the rest of the boys in the living room. They’re all watching a movie.” “Hey, you guys, it had better not be porn, there’s a young girl coming in.” she shouted in the direction of the room full of men, all of whom rolled their eyes at her words. Molly walked into the room and was soon in a deep conversation with Emmett. Justin and his mother began to help in the kitchen. Brian wandered back into the kitchen after putting their coats away. He usually sat in the other room with the gang when he came over for these dinners, but he loved to watch Justin work in the kitchen. He sat at the table, his long legs sprawled in front of him, ready to grab Justin at every opportunity and kiss him soundly. Justin put a cup of coffee in front of him and a plate of Christmas cookies. Brian pretended to ignore the cookies but Justin could see he was interested. Brian had a weakness for cookies of any kind and Christmas cookies were his favorite as Justin had discovered lately. He liked to watch Brian eat them. It was almost a ritual that he had with each kind. Stars would have each point bitten off one by one. Each one savored as the delicate cookie melted in his mouth. Green sugar coated Christmas trees would be devoured from top to bottom, one row at a time. Thimble cookies would be nibbled all around the jam center until finally the jam was eaten as a final reward. Chocolate dipped shortbread of course was eaten plain side first then the chocolate dipped side quickly popped in his mouth to enjoy the full flavor of the dark dipping chocolate that Justin had used. Justin watched him eat the cookies as he helped in the kitchen. Finally he couldn’t stand it any longer and sat down straddling Brian’s legs facing him. He put both his hands on either side of Brian’s face and kissed him, the flavor of sugar cookies and coffee like a special Christmas nectar made just for him by the man he loved. The kisses were getting hotter when Justin felt a zap of pain on his ear. “Owww” he yelped and sat up straight. “What was that for Deb?” Brian smirked at him until Deb flicked his ear. He glared at her. “No making out in the kitchen. Either you boys work or go join the others.” Molly was standing in the kitchen doorway taking all of this in and asked. “What does it feel like to kiss Brian?” she looked so serious that Justin didn’t dare laugh. “Hmmm,” he pretended to ponder it. “Well, right now he tastes like sugar cookies and coffee, it’s like having dessert before dinner. This morning he had an amazingly refreshing toothpaste kiss. Last night, well last night he was a whole banquet, all of it yummy.” He looked at his sister “Is that what you wanted to know?” “No, I know he would taste good. Just look at him.” She smiled shyly at Brian. “I want to know what it feel’s like to kiss a boy.” “Why, you planning on kissing a boy?” Justin had to ask. “Maybe, if I can find a nice one.” “Well” he looked at Brian “You want to help me with this one?” Brian looked amused, but he gamely tried “When I kiss Justin, I feel like my insides melt.” He demonstrated with a kiss that was full of promise. “When I kiss Brian, he makes my toes curl” Justin kissed Brian’s lips, giving him a bit of tongue. “When I kiss Justin on the nose” Brian demonstrated “It makes me feel warm inside” “When I kiss Brian like this” Justin demonstrated a passionate kiss. “I want to take him away for a nap.” “Justin, Brian” the stern voice of his mother cut in and he realized that his discussion with Molly was been listened to by all of them standing in the doorway. “That will be enough from both of you.” “Busted” Brian whispered in Justin’s ear as he took a quick nip. “Sunshine, I told you about kissing in the kitchen” Debbie said from her place by the oven. “But Mom, Justin was explaining about kissing. How am I supposed to find out stuff if I don’t ask?” Molly’s bottom lip went out and Brian giggled. She looked just like her brother when he didn’t get his way. “Molly, if you have questions about kissing you can ask me.” Jennifer said. “But Mom, you never kiss anybody except me. Justin and Brian kiss all the time.” Molly looked at her brother and Brian. “I figure they’re sort of experts.” Justin chuckled into Brian’s neck where he’d buried his face, sneaking a few kisses to the neck of the man he loved. “I’m interested too honey.” Emmett piped up. “I always wondered what Brian Kinney felt when he kissed.” “Well for your information, I never felt anything other than the occasional odd tingle of pleasure until I met Justin.” Brian kissed Justin’s forehead. “Now I know what kissing really feels like.” “You kissed me all the time Brian” whined Michael. “Exactly” Brian said. He turned Justin’s lips to his and kissed them again. Deb walked by and swatted both Brian and Justin upside the head. “I told you about making out in the kitchen.” She glared at Brian “You’re just using the discussion to bend the rules.” “Where’s your Christmas spirit Deb?” Emmett asked. “This is a great way for us poor deprived queers to live vicariously.” “Speak for yourself Emmett, I’m doing fine without watching these two make out in my mother’s kitchen.” Michael turned around and stalked into the living room. Ted shook his head and joined Michael. Molly moved closer to Brian. “Will you kiss me Brian?” she whispered He smiled at the little girl and kissed her chastely on her pursed lips. “I think you’re going to have to work on your technique there Molly, but don’t rush things. There’s lots of time to learn how to kiss.” Molly, her face flushed with pleasure, said. “Mom, I have to phone Misty right away. Brian kissed me.” “Oh for goodness sake” her mother said. “Brian Kinney, stick to Justin, I don’t need another one smitten with you.” “What can I say” Brian smirked. “I’m attracted to Taylor’s.” “Well stay away from my Mom” Justin teased. His mother looked shocked that he’d say this and yet she flushed with pleasure at the thought. sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss Journal December 25, 2000 He’s sleeping with his head on my leg using it as a pillow and drooling as usual. Maybe that extra piece of Christmas cake with run sauce has put him in a sugar coma – my gawd how can you add a sweet run sauce to an already too sweet cake and eat it and then do it again? I’m sure even at his age I never had that kind of metabolism. He was supposed to be watching “It’s a Wonderful Life” but fell asleep before the first five minutes were shown. Now I have the light of the television as it flickers through the old black and white movie to write by. The dinner was not bad all things considering. Like Michael sitting beside Vic sulking and trying his best to piss me off with his little jabs at Justin. Justin of course after the first couple, completely ignored Michael like he was just some kind of pond scum sitting a few feet away, which in turn pissed Michael off even more. Vic and Justin got alone well and a good part of their conversation centered around food. Justin telling Vic about all the various restaurants we’d been to in Montreal and about Maude’s cooking, didn’t help the Mikey situation much. Little Molly continued to flirt with me, she’s going to give her mother a lot of grief before she’s finished high school, I can see that coming. She spent half an hour regaling her ‘best friend’ about me kissing her and about Justin and myself telling her all about kissing. Finally her mother made her hang up the phone and join the rest of the party. Lindsay and Mel brought Gus over, and we watched him open the gifts that were waiting for him. He’s still at the stage where the paper and the boxes are more interesting. I think the best part about that was watching Justin on the floor ‘helping’ him. I can see where Justin got his gift opening finesse; it must be a holdback from when he was only one. I teased him about it and was rewarded with a deep flush and a big smile that filled me with pleasure. Justin gave the girls a painting of Gus, one where he was sitting on the floor with his toys, playing intently. I like the one he did for me better. I knew he could read my thoughts because he smiled that knowing smile at me when they opened their gift. It’s funny how we both seem to be in tune with one another. We can read thoughts and feelings so easily and it only takes a touch, a whispered word, or a quick kiss to make things right when we’re feeling anxious. Debbie and Jennifer never shut up the entire dinner and after when they were cleaning up, Debbie regaled Jennifer with Brian and Michael stories and Jennifer with Justin stories. Justin of course used every excuse in the book to stay close and listen. I finally had to resort to dragging him up to Mikey’s old room and giving him one of my expert blow jobs. Luckily the kid still has no staying power because I had barely licked him clean when Mikey burst in all pissed because I was blowing Justin in his old room. Once again we exchanged a few heated words. He just doesn’t get that I love Justin. Not I love him because of his ass or the way he gives great head. But LOVE him. The story book kind that isn’t supposed to happen with fags, or at least that’s what I’d always thought. He completes me; I guess that’s what it is. I’m not really sure. Even sitting here late at night, after spending the entire day with him, I’d rather he be sleeping on my leg, slowly paralyzing it, with me writing awkwardly on the arm of the sofa, then me sitting sensibly at the desk and him sleeping in the bedroom. We have one more day in Pittsburgh, I promised him Babylon and I won’t go back on that. He’s excited about it and arranged for the gang to meet us there, not that they needed any kind of encouragement to go to Babylon. Vic gave him his old membership card. Justin was patting his pocket and grinning all the way home. I’m sure the bouncers will let him in because he’s with me and not because Justin has a membership that says he’s in his forties. But it makes the boy happy so I didn’t tease him about it. He’s starting to stir and even my hand on his shoulder isn’t settling him down. I’ll put this away for another day, while I get my ‘baby’ to bed. sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss “Geeze Justin, we’re going there to dance and have a few drinks, not to have every fag in Pittsburgh drool all over your body.” Brian stalked around the bedroom, picking up Justin’s discarded clothing that he’d been trying on. “You want every ‘fag in Pittsburgh’ to know you have a hot boyfriend don’t you?” Justin shot back at him taking the shirt out of Brian’s hands that the man was attempting to hang up again. “No.” “What do you mean, NO?” Justin asked. He was feeling slighted now. “What I mean is, I don’t want them all hanging all over you.” He held up a sweatshirt “What’s wrong with wearing this?” Justin slipped on the blue ‘see through’ cotton shirt that Brian had bought him at the mall the other day. “If you didn’t want me to wear this, you shouldn’t have bought it for me.” “I bought it for me, not the rest of Pittsburgh” Brian grumbled. Justin suddenly realized what Brian’s problem was. He walked over to him, took the clothing out of his hands and led him over to the bed. He pushed him down so he was sitting on the side of the bed and knelt between his knees. “I love you, truly, madly, deeply, just like the song.” His eyes looked deep into Brian’s hazel ones. “I’m not going to leave you on the dance floor for someone else. I want all of your friends to see me and think you have a hot boyfriend and for me to look at them and say I’m all Brian Kinney’s and no one else’s.” He reached up and kissed the soft lips. “I want them all to envy me for having you to love.” “It should be the other way around baby.” Brian rested his forehead against Justin’s. “I don’t understand what I’m feeling. I don’t do ‘jealous’. I never have. There’s something about you, I don’t know what it is, but I can’t stand to see anyone else touch you.” “How do you think I feel, knowing I’ve got the ‘stud of Liberty Avenue’ living so far away from me and on the prowl.” He gave a rueful laugh. “Look at you, you’re beautiful, everyone is after your cock and half in love with you.” “But, I’m yours Justin. I’ve never said that to anyone else.” Brian kissed him tenderly, his lips a soft promise filled caress. “I’ve never told anyone that I loved them, not the way I do you.” He looked at Justin. “When you trick, it’s more like self gratification, a tension reliever. Isn’t that how you feel?” Justin turned his head down, he didn’t want to admit to Brian that he’d never tricked, he couldn’t see the point. If he couldn’t have the one he wanted, then he wanted no one. Brian looked down at Justin and realized all at once that Justin had never been with anyone else. “Justin, tell me, haven’t you ever been with anyone else?” “I gave a guy at school a hand job once.” He looked up at Brian, but that was more like exercise than anything to do with sex. We didn’t kiss or anything.” “What about at Concordia, there’s dozens of hot guys there.” Brian had never thought about this before. He just figured that Justin was getting pleasured by anonymous guys like he did occasionally. Not something worth mentioning. “Brian, what’s the point of that?” and Brian did wonder. “What was the point?” Brian hadn’t realized how serious Justin was about their relationship. He put both hands on each side of the face he loved and kissed him. All thoughts of what to wear or not to wear, or whether casual sex was important, were gone when Justin shut his eyes, surrendering himself completely to the lips on his, his hard cock poking tantalizing through the hem of his gauzy shirt. Brian let his hands roam over the pale body kneeling in front of him. He leaned back pulling Justin up when he moved, until the blonde’s body covered his. “We’re going to be late, Sunshine.” His voice was husky with desire. Justin looked down. Brian’s lips were swollen from their hungry kisses. Their color reminded him of juicy summer berries. With a groan of submission he was drawn closer, and Brian watched Justin’s eyes glaze with lust. “Fuck it” Justin said. “We’ll be late. I want you now Brian. Alley cat swift, Brian had Justin on his back. Justin raised his legs, hole quivering in anticipation in the cool air of the loft. Brian fumbled for the lube and condoms by the side of the bed. His hands not as sure as they usually were, the emotions he was feeling were almost overwhelming him. Yet he was rampant with desire. sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss “So this is the boyfriend” the large doorman at Babylon stated as Brian ushered Justin through. Brian didn’t reply, but he kept his hand in the small of Justin’s back steering him through the door and then when they had checked their jackets he took his hand, walking him up the stairs to the bar. “Beer?” he asked Justin Justin, wide eyed at the gyrating bodies dancing to the pulsing beat of the music, nodded. He was wearing his see through shirt with the tight black pants that Brian had bought him before Christmas, his pendant catching the light with every breath that he took. His blonde hair sparkled to match his twinkling blue eyes as he took in the wonder of it all. Brian turned his back to Justin and ordered two beers. He paid for them and turned back only to see Justin leaning over the catwalk, trying to get a better look. Brian grabbed him by the back of his shirt and pulled him back, wrapping one arm around him. “Back Sonny Boy, I don’t want to be picking you up off the floor when you fall over.” He handed Justin one of the frosty bottles. Justin grinned at him, not even trying to talk over the music. He swallowed some of the bitter brew and looked back at the dancers, his body moving to the music. Finally Brian took pity on him. “Want to dance?” He asked. Justin was halfway down the stairs by the time Brian caught up with him. “Whoa there Sunshine.” He grabbed Justin’s hand leading to a spot in the center of the floor as the music began to play “Let’s Hear it for the Boy” Ted, Michael and Emmett walked over to their usual spot at the bar. The doorman had said that Brian and Justin were here already. They figured the two half drunk bottles of beer sitting at the edge of the bar had to be Brian and Justin’s but they weren’t around. Then they noticed the action on the center of the dance floor. Brian, a possessive hand on Justin’s shoulder and Justin a hand on Brian’s waist were dancing. Each move reflecting the one of the other. Their bodies in tune completely, lost in the music of each other, oblivious to their surroundings. As one, the three men watching gasped as Brian pulled Justin in close, the move was so sudden. And they watched as the two bodies molded together, Justin’s hand holding the back of Brian’s head steady as they kissed. The kiss lasted until the end of the song and it was only with obvious reluctance did they break apart. No words were spoken but Justin pulled Brian by the hand and together they ran off the dance floor in the direction of their coats. “Well so much for Brian and Justin having a night out with the boys.” Ted sneered. “Did you see that little shit pull Brian off the dance floor?” Michael whined. “Oh honey, that Brian sure wasn’t kicking and screaming. He was panting like a dog in heat.” Emmett smiled to himself imagining the two of them when they reached the loft. sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss Blue lights shone down on two exhausted young men tangled in each other’s limbs. Sweat drying on their shoulders, their breathing gradually slowing down until it was normal. Brian reached down and found the duvet and pulled it up over the shoulders of the man he loved, tucking it snuggly around him. Brian smiled at Justin’s muffled hum of appreciation as he wiggled even closer to him. He lay bathed in the blue lights for a moment longer before reaching behind him and turning them off for the night. It wouldn’t be that many hours before they would be getting ready to fly to Montreal to continue the Christmas week. He thought of Maude and Rosaire waiting for the two of them to arrive. He thought of the gang at Debbie’s for dinner, about Gus and Lindsay and Mel and about how lucky he was. Somehow when he’d begun his journey into adulthood he’d never anticipated having a happy family life. You don’t anticipate what you’ve never had. Now, he had a family, one that was becoming larger all the time and he had someone who loved him for himself. He had someone who knew from the beginning what Brian Kinney was all about. Being Irish and superstitious he felt a niggling worry at the back of his mind that this idyllic life couldn’t continue. He felt the portent of some kind of problem. He held Justin tighter in his arms as if to stave off any bad thoughts, until gradually his eyes closed and he joined his partner in sleep. sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss Journal December 31, 2000 Justin is downstairs with Maude and Rosaire showing off his new tuxedo and knowing my blonde bombshell, he’ll be there for at least an hour. He can never shut up when he’s excited. We are going to celebrate the New Year in style. Dinner at one of the best restaurants in Montreal and then dancing at a club. Imagine an entire club filled with queers in their best finery of the evening, instead of stripped damn near bare. It will be an interesting evening. We arrived at the Montreal house on the twenty seventh expecting to retreat to the apartment for a few hours of recuperation and instead we found the house decorated like something from a story book. Maude and Rosaire outdid themselves between the Christmas music playing and the pine boughs scattered through the main floor, hundreds of brightly colored lights and red ribbons and bows, it was a fairy tale Christmas. Maude must have been waiting for the two of us because we had barely opened the door and she was there with hugs and kisses. She is as light as a feather and I couldn’t resist picking her up and twirling her around she looked so much like a tiny Mrs. Claus in her red velvet gown edged with white fur. The two of us were swept into her apartment that was as crowded as ever, though I’m beginning to actually not mind this. Somehow, for Maude it just seems right that she have her family of china cats and pictures of the ones she loves close to her to enjoy during her days. Rosaire was prepared for our arrival and had Maude’s present sequestered up in our apartment until it was time for all of us to open the presents that she had stacked around the tree. I was a little nervous about Justin’s choice of a gift for Maude, but he’d gone to a lot of trouble so I held my counsel and let him present it to her. He’d painted a picture of Ira for Rosaire, a miniature, and had it framed so that it looked like something from the eighteen century. The framing made the small painting look even more amazing than it had when I’d held it in my hand a few weeks ago and marveled at the tiny detail he’d put into it. The present of the day turned out to be our present to Maude. Justin brought down the floppiest, furriest, most bored looking cat I’d ever seen from our apartment. It seems there is such a thing as a cat breed called a Rag Doll cat. It is perfect for someone Maude’s age with a million things on various tables. The damn thing just lays there and purrs. It’s already three years old, completely spoiled rotten and the ideal cat for Maude who it seems had been missing having a cat. She didn’t want to go through the kitten stage with one, so this one is ideal. Of course nothing that Justin does ever turns out to be completely normal. It seems the damn cat has taken a liking to him and every chance it gets its up here putting cat fur all over my clothes. I’ve tried explaining the concept of ‘rag doll’ to the thing when I boot its ass back to Maude’s, well, carry the thing back, because of course once up here, it reverts immediately to an inert piece of fur. Like Justin, it doesn’t listen. Justin and Maude of course find this amusing, so much so, that I wouldn’t be surprised if he was somehow enticing it up here. You’d think that someone who was allergic to every flower in the world would be allergic to cats. But oh no, he even buries his nose in its fur and he doesn’t sneeze. I hear him coming up the stairs. I had better go find the lint brush. I’m not taking him to dinner with half a cat spread out on his tux. sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss Justin felt like he was floating up the stairs he was so happy. Brian had taken him out to dinner to Le Pegase, where they served Southwestern French cuisine. They had no license to serve alcohol, but Brian had brought his own bottle of wine and no one seemed to mind, the service was superb. The two of them laughed and ate; yes even Brian ate, until almost ten thirty, when he whisked him off to La Track a dance club where an elaborate New Year’s party was being held. There was a room with ballroom dancing and another with regular club music and yet another with a small piano bar. Brian and Justin spent time in all of them celebrating the New Year. Justin saw that the apartment door had been opened about six inches and he knew right away that Neko-chan had let herself in. He didn’t lock the door because it was not likely Maude was going to be in the apartment, but the door handles were just that, handles, not knobs and the cat was very good at opening the door. He fumbled with the door distracting Brian, and then began to kiss him as they made their way through the door. His eyes were franticly searching for Neko-chan when Brian opened his eyes during the kiss and stared hard at him. “What’s up?” Brian asked suspicious. He looked around but couldn’t see anything untoward. “I’m up” Justin answered, he put Brian’s hand on his hard cock. “I feel that” Brian was easily distracted. Justin hooked his finger in Brian’s belt and began to pull him toward the stairs, his eyes sultry in the moonlit room. He stood on the first step, bringing himself to eyelevel with his man and he let his lips drift over the love filled face. Brian shut his eyes and Justin kissed the lids softly, butterfly kisses in the night. He backed up the stairs, his finger still hooked in the belt, pausing on each step whisper words of love, his fingers tracing the strong jaw, followed by fluttering quick kisses. Brian began to remove his jacket, throwing it carelessly on the steps behind him. Justin added his. White silk shirts glowed in the soft blue light that escaped the room at the top of the stairs. Two ties were added to the jackets, then two shirts, they were almost at the top. With a mischievous grin, Justin turned quickly and dropped his trousers, bent over, offering Brian what he’d been waiting for all night. “Brat” Brian said. He leaned over and let his tongue trace a path down Justin’s crack. The evenings sweat salty on his tongue, remnants of the night of dancing. He nipped the firm cheeks playfully. Justin flipped around offering his hard cock to the waiting lips of his lover. Brian tongued the slit, Justin’s head went back, mouth open, a low moan slowly escaping. sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss “Look, I paid you ten thousand dollars for this.” Craig Taylor swiveled in his office chair to look out his window. “I expected results by now.” A soft voice came over the speaker phone. “The subject is not easy to approach. He has someone with him most of the time. I didn’t think you wanted him ‘disappeared’ during the Christmas season.” “Until he returns to being the son I raised, there is no Christmas season for our family.” Craig doodled on the copy of the invoice sent to him marked paid, Emissaries of the Divine was boldly written in gold script across the top. “I want this to happen now. It’s bad enough that it takes you people six weeks to deprogram him.” “Each subject is different. I explained that to you Mr. Taylor when the contract was signed.” There was a deep sigh heard on the line. “We have someone in place that should allow us access within the week.” “Do it. I want the family back on track by my daughter’s spring break. I have plans for them.” Craig Taylor paused. “Oh and Mr. Gold, no drugs, he’s allergic to damn near everything. I expect you to stick to that request.” He hung the phone up abruptly. He picked up the stack of brochures, leafing through them, looking for a vacation spot for his little family of four. sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss To: bakinney@ryder.com From: jtaylor@hotmail.com Subject: missing you It’s been six days, four hours and eleven minutes since I kissed you goodbye at the airport. But, who’s counting?????? A new teacher showed up today. He reminded me of you only not as heart stoppingly hot. But he is kind of interesting. His name is Ethan Gold and he teaches violin in the music program. He actually asked me out, so I got to use the “I’ve got a boyfriend” thing for the first time. Kind of gave me a rush. I hate to tell you stuff like that. You’ll be more full of yourself than ever. Something kind of weird happened today. I think I was being watched or followed or something. I saw this black van at least five times today. I had to be the same one. How many black vans have dark smoke windows and the words ‘Emissaries of the Divine’ in gold script on their doors? Don’t laugh, it creeped me out. I’d better go, I just stopped at Starbucks for a latte – it reminds me of you – and I saw they had computers so wanted to bug you at work. I’ll call as usual at ten. Justin (did I mention I missed you?) sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss Brian smiled to himself when he saw the email pop up. He’d been sitting at his desk working on a proposal for more than two hours. He’d just realized that for the last fifteen minutes, he’d been thinking of Justin. He’d been about to resume his work on the computer when Justin’s name appeared with his email notice. Brian remembered how perfect their New Years Eve had been. The meal at the restaurant, sharing their entrées, tasting Justin’s dessert from perfect lips designed specially for kissing. And the dancing, nothing would ever beat waltzing with the man he loved. It was more than ridiculously romantic. The club dancing after, the sensual touches and moves that Justin made. The kid had been watching ‘Dirty Dancing’ far too often. It was amazing being the recipient of all Justin’s attention. And Justin was right, he loved the envious looks the two of them received. The piano bar had been the best way to end the evening at the night club. The quiet music, his lover sitting close to him, their fingers locked, not saying a word, just enjoying the music, the wine and each other. Sex after wasn’t too shabby either. Brian almost laughed out loud when he remembered the first day of two thousand and one. Justin and Maude had almost thrown him out of the house, they were so mad at him. Thank gawd for Rosaire, or he would have been in the dog house for sure. He did chuckle to himself at the thought. He leaned back in his chair and shut his eyes, reliving the day. sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss January 1, 2001 Brian slowly came back to consciousness. He had the impression he was being watched. He could hear the slow steady breathing of his lover, whose head was resting on his chest. Brian brought his hand up to smooth the soft blonde hair. He still felt that he was being watched. He turned his head and opened his eyes. Two piercing blue cat eyes stared into his, only inches from his face. A rough pink tongue reached over and licked his nose. “Shit, the fucking cat was in here all night” he thought. He eased out of the bed, replacing his body with a pillow in Justin’s arms. He padded to the bathroom far more gracefully than the fat cat who lumbered after him. The first thing that caught his attention after he pissed was his deep blue towel on the floor in a heap – a nest – cat fur layered on it. Neko-chan had obviously had a good deal of time on her paws. He glared at the cat, who looked at him with adoring blue eyes. Brian stalked down the stairs to find some water for himself and juice for Justin. He stopped halfway down, looking in horror at the jacket of his new Armani tuxedo. To say it was liberally sprinkled with beige fur would be an understatement. This had been the grooming center for his furry companion. He looked from the cat to the jacket and back to the cat. “You’d think the damn thing would be bald” he thought, considering that half the cat was now on his jacket. “Nice kitty” he said, teeth clenched. Neko-chan looked at him, trust in her eyes. He scooped her up and she relaxed in his arms like a good rag doll cat. He carried her to the kitchen, found the scissors in the drawer by the stove. Placed her on a dish towel he proceeded to give her a very close clipping. Neko-chan cooperated, to the point of almost falling asleep until the cool air in the apartment brought her to attention. Brian hadn’t done the ends yet, head, tail, and feet. Neko-chan looked down, her blue eyes turned black. She looked at Brian and hissed, a well placed right to Brian’s hand, claws out, allowed her to escape. Of course Brian had realized part way through, the cat hair cut, that he shouldn’t have let his Irish temper get the better of him. He knew Justin and Maude would be perhaps a tad upset. Maude forgave him first, mostly because Rosaire reminded her that Ira had once done the same thing. Justin, on the other hand, took considerably longer to unthaw. Even Neko-chan forgave him before Justin did. He figured it was the offer he made to the cat to buy her a mink jacket from one of Montreal’s furriers, which swung the cat over to the forgiveness side. He did laugh out loud, as he turned on his email letter. The make up sex had been terrific. sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss “Hey Justin, wait up.” Ethan Gold ran to catch up to the young art student. “I saw you leaving and thought you might like a ride home. I have to go past your place anyway.” “Sure Ethan.” Justin said. The two of them walked out to the parking lot. Justin hadn’t wanted to walk home in the dark. He’d spotted the black van twice today. He’d even written the license number down, though why he didn’t know. It wasn’t like he had anyway of tracing it. Almost a block from Justin’s house the car began to cough and sputter. Ethan pulled it over. He tried to start it, but it wouldn’t start. “Shit, sorry Justin,” Ethan said. “I’ll call the Auto Club. I’ll wait here. They should only be an hour or so.” He shivered in the rapidly chilling car. Justin got out, and then turned. “You could wait at my apartment. It’s not far; you probably can see the tow truck when it gets here.” “Thanks Justin” they quickly walked the short distance to Justin’s apartment. Justin let himself in, expecting Ethan to follow. He did, but first he stuck his gum in the door latch. The door would close but it wouldn’t lock. Ethan followed Justin up the stairs, pleased that no one was around to see the two of them. Justin dropped his back pack on the floor. “Ethan, help yourself to a drink in the fridge. I’m going to find a clean sweatshirt; this one is covered in paint.” Justin ran up the stairs two at a time. He pulled off the dirty shirt, emptied the pockets, throwing the paper with the license plate number on the bed. He grabbed another sweatshirt and headed back downstairs. Ethan had pulled two bottles of water out of the fridge. He’d taken the lid off both, dropping a couple of drops of a drug in Justin’s. He turned and handed Justin his. Ethan took a long swallow. “I needed that” he said. He watched carefully as Justin followed suit, draining his own small bottle of water. “Want to watch TV?” Justin asked “It will be at least half an hour.” He sat down on the sofa, suddenly sleepy. He looked at Ethan. Ethan began to fade in and out of focus. Justin tried to say something, but instead, fell over, his head resting on the edge of the broad seat. With a well rehearsed move, Ethan went to the window and signaled the man waiting in the sleek black van now parked in front of the house. Moments later the door downstairs opened and quiet footsteps approached Justin’s apartment. “It’s about time” the other man griped. “I didn’t want to be driving all night. The roads up north are a bitch this time of year.” “How was I to know he would stay in the studio so late? If you weren’t such a fucking coward you could have snatched him there.” “Too many people Ethan, you know that.” He looked around with interest. “Help me empty his pockets. Take that faggy neck chain off too.” Ethan bent down and ripped the chain off. Immediately a long red welt appeared on Justin’s neck. The other man snorted his disgust at Ethan. “You know better than to damage the subject.” He emptied Justin’s pockets of his wallet and change. He didn’t bother looking in the right hand side pocket. To him it looked empty. “Take his feet, let’s get him into the van.” Justin weighed more than they realized. It was a chore to get him down the stairs. They had just made it out the front door when Rosaire turned up the walkway. “Justin” he called “What’s wrong?” He looked into the furious eyes of a short dark haired man. Rosaire never saw the clay flower pot the other man had grabbed as it hit him on the side of the head, causing him to fall where he stood. “Fuck, let’s get out of here.” Ethan said. They stepped over Rosaire, dragging Justin. They were no longer concerned for his feelings. They needed to load him into the back of the van and get going. sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss Brian got himself settled into his lonely bed with a few minutes to spare. He checked that he had his drink and a magazine to read. It was almost ten and Justin was punctual to a fault. He started to leaf through the magazine, found an article to read and was soon immersed in the details of one of Showtimes newest shows. A couple of the guys looked pretty hot, one looked not bad, but you could tell he was jerk, by his interview. Brian marked his page, to relay the information to Justin. He glanced at the alarm. It was almost eleven and Justin hadn’t called. He picked up the phone and hit the speed dial. He listened to it ring, then a click, a recorded voice “The ATT customer you are trying to reach is no longer in the service area.” “What the fuck?” he thought. He hung up the phone. It was too late to call Maude. He got up and began to pace the floor, restless and unable to settle down. At midnight when the phone rang, he snatched it up before the first ring finished. “Justin” he said, letting his body relax, only to have it tense up again when he heard the quaver in Maude’s voice. “Brian, is that you?” she asked. It was the first time that Brian had heard her sound like an old woman. He held his breath waiting for what was to come. “Rosaire was found unconscious outside on the side walk a few minutes ago. He was hit on the head and left there in the cold. A neighbor found him; they’ve taken him away in an ambulance.” Maude half sobbed. “I can’t find Justin. I went up to the apartment and he’s not there.” She paused. “I think something’s happened to him, his pretty chain with the heart was broken and on the floor.” “Maude, you take it easy. I’m flying to Montreal tomorrow. I’ll need to get a few things settled here first. Tell me what hospital Rosaire is in.” Brian picked up a pen and wrote down the information. “Lock your door. You and that damn cat wait for me. I’ll be there as soon as I can. I’ll stop by the hospital on the way and check on Rosaire.” sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss Brian took a deep breath and picked up the phone. He dialed a familiar number. One he hadn’t used though for awhile. The phone rang ten times before a sleepy voice answered. “Hmmmp” “Mikey, wake up.” Brian all but shouted into the phone. “Brian?” Michael sat up in bed. “Do you know what time it is? Are you drunk? Do you need a ride somewhere?” “I need your help. Justin and I both need your help.” Brian said quietly. “I want to know if you’re still my best friend. The man I love is in trouble and I think I’m going to need a best friend to help me through this.” Michael didn’t hesitate. What ever animosity he felt toward Justin was forgotten. Brian needed his help. Brian NEVER asked for help from anyone. “What do you want?” Michael asked as he pulled himself out of bed. “Can you take the next couple of days off?” Brian sighed. He was searching the internet for flights as he talked. “We have to go to Montreal. Something’s happened to Justin. I’m not exactly sure. I’ll pick you up at eight if you can come.” “Sure, I’ll call in sick. Tell them I have the flu or something.” Michael was about to hang up. “Brian, don’t worry, whatever it is we’ll deal with it.” The next call Brian had to make was going to be the hardest. He packed a small bag while he decided how to handle it. He paced the length of the loft dreading the call he was about to make. He checked the clock on the computer. It was almost five thirty. He picked up the phone just as it began to ring. “Justin” he barked. “No, Brian,” a soft feminine whisper reached his ears. “It’s Jennifer Taylor. This is the first chance I had to phone. I’m in the front hall closet. Craig’s in the shower. I can’t let him hear me call.” Her voice broke. “I think something has happened to Justin. Craig came home last night with all these brochures about vacation spots. He said the four of us are going away for Molly’s spring break. That Justin will be back with us as a normal part of the family. That he’s looked after everything.” She almost sobbed. “I tried to call Justin, but his phone is out of order.” She listened for the shower. It was still running. “I found a copy of a withdrawal slip for ten thousand dollars from our savings account. I don’t know what to do.” Now she began to cry in earnest. “He’s acting oddly, he, he, he threatened me and Molly”. “Jennifer, wait until he’s gone to the office and you get Molly and either come to the loft or go to Deb’s. I’m heading to Montreal shortly. I’ll be in touch.” Brian knew exactly where he’d be going before he went to the airport. It was time to visit Mr. Craig Taylor. An hour later, and five phone calls, Brian was loading his bag in the jeep when a taxi drove up and Jennifer and Molly got out. Brian walked over. He bent down and gave Molly a hug. “Hey thanks ladies for looking after my loft while I’m out of town.” He looked into Jennifer’s eyes. “Thank you” she mouthed. “Come on up and I’ll get you a key and show you the security code.” Brian held out his hand to Molly. She slipped her fingers through his, so much like her brother did. Brian blinked rapidly to control his emotions as he took the two women up to his loft. Brian spent a few minutes showing them the location of all they’d need before he kissed Jennifer on the cheek and said goodbye. “I’ll call here and let you know as soon as I know something myself” he said. “Thank you Brian.” Jennifer said. She hugged the tall man. “Justin is lucky to have you in his life.” “No, I think it’s me who is the lucky one Jennifer. Justin has given me a life that I never thought I’d ever have.” Brian smiled at her. “I’ll find Justin, if it’s the last thing I do. I won’t be back until he’s been found.” Brian sighed and turned to walk out the door. He turned back. “That’s a promise Jennifer.” sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss Justin lay on the floor of the van as it rumbled its way over the snow covered highways north of Montreal. The dawn was breaking when he started to come around. His head ached so much he was afraid to breathe. He kept his eyes closed not wanting to cause his head any more pain. He just knew focusing would be impossible. Gradually events of the day before came back to him. He could feel the panic welling up inside of him. A scream of pain and panic started to bubble inside, he moved and then he felt it. At the very bottom of his right pocket, pressed against his thigh, was the piece of ocean glass, Brian’s heart, his love held deeply in his pocket. Feeling the small piece of the man he loved, his heart rate slowed, the panic began to subside. He lay there, concentrating on the pressure the heart shaped glass was putting on his thigh. He could feel the love Brian had for him enfolding him and he relaxed, drifting off to sleep once again on the residual of the drugs still in his system. sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss “Brian, I don’t think this is a good idea.” Michael said. He was almost running to catch up to his long legged friend. “Michael, just watch my back.” Brian said “I’m going in there and I’m not coming out without answers. That homophobic prick is responsible for Justin’s disappearance and Rosaire’s head injury.” Michael knew better than to say anything more. He’d seen Brian in a lot of different mind sets over the years, but nothing like this. “I called Vic like you asked and he said he’d do it.” Michael paused to catch his breath. “Mom’s driving him to the airport now.” “Thanks Michael” Brian said as he opened the glass doors to the reception area where Craig Taylor worked. “Maude is too old and frail right now with all of this to be left alone.” No one was in the reception area. Brian could hear women’s voices and the rich smell of coffee coming from down the hall. He looked around until he spotted an office door with Craig Taylor’s name on it. Without stopping to wait to be announced he walked over to it opened the door and went in. “Just a damn minute here Kinney, you have no business barging in here like this.” Craig got up and came around his desk to escort Brian out of his office. Brian looked at him and sneered, not answering. He turned his back and deliberately locked the office door. He pulled the shades down, blocking the two of them from prying eyes. Craig was almost on top of Brian, he was furious. With a smirk and a speed honed from desperation Brian reached down and grabbed Craig Taylor by the balls squeezing hard and lifting up. “Look you prick. I’m queer so your dirty balls don’t bother me any. You tell me what the fuck is going on with Justin, and where he is, and you tell me now or you’ll be having an early lunch. Because I’ll rip them off and stuff them down your throat.” Craig’s face was purple from both the outrage and the pain. He was on his toes trying to relieve some of the pressure. “He’s my son. I brought him up and I’ll take him down.” He gasped. Brian added more pressure “Wrong answer asshole.” “He’s with the Emissaries of the Divine; they can bring him back from this depraved life he’s leading. He isn’t a faggot, that’s just a phase he’s going through. He’ll be back cured, in six weeks or maybe less.” Words were becoming harder and harder to utter over the pain. “I’ll have my son back.” “Your son never left, you piece of pond scum.” Brian shook him. “Where is he?” Craig Taylor’s eyes rolled to the back of his head. He’d passed out from the pain. Brian let him drop, not caring where he fell. He wiped his hands on his pants then walked over to the desk and began to rifle through it, hoping to find some indication of what this asshole was talking about. He found a packet of pamphlets, black gloss paper, and in gold script Emissaries of the Divine. The looked through them, growing increasingly more horrified as he read. These people specialized in kidnapping queers and deprogramming them straight. All in the name of the Lord, not to mention ten thousand dollars, the address on the back of the pamphlets was a rural route number in a small village in northern Quebec. Brian put the brochure in his pocket, stepped over the unconscious man on the floor and left the office, carefully shutting the door. “Mikey, let’s go, we have a plane to catch” he said to his friend who was waiting impatiently by the elevator. sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss Justin was jostled roughly, again and again until he finally woke up. The van had stopped moving. The heat from the van’s heater was quickly dissipating in the bitter cold day. Justin sat up trying to control his nausea. He could barely focus. His head still hurt. “Justin, move it. It’s darn cold here. We need to get into the building.” Justin looked toward the voice. “Ethan?” he asked unsure of what he was seeing. “Why are you doing this?” “Get out of the van. I’m not carrying you and you sure don’t want me to drag your ass out of there.” Justin inched his way to the open rear doors. The severe cold was actually freezing the hairs in nose as he breathed. He started to shiver violently then leaned over and puked on the shoes of the man standing at the rear of the van. “Damn” Ethan said jumping back hoping to avoid the worst. Steam rose from the contents of Justin’s stomach, his shivering increased. “Move it, it’s not far to the lodge and it’s minus thirty five, you won’t last long sitting there.” Justin eased himself out of the van and stood unsteadily on his feet. Hypothermia was already beginning. He was feeling sleepy and the feeling of cold was receding. Ethan, correctly reading the signs, grabbed his arm and began pulling him in the direction of the lodge a few feet away. They made it into the warm lodge. Ethan dragged him in front of a wood stove that stood in the corner. He left him standing there and grabbed a wool blanket off of a sofa. He wrapped it around Justin’s shoulders. “Sorry, we didn’t think to bring your jacket when we left.” “Where am I?” Justin asked his voice weak. “You’re at the Emissaries of the Divine’s lodge in northern Quebec.” Ethan answered as he busied himself with making coffee. “Why am I here?” Justin looked at him. “Why did you drug me and bring me here?” “We’ve been paid good money for this Justin. It’s one of the things we do. Someone who loves you dearly wants you to return. To stop this homosexual nonsense and live the life you were intended to live.” “I can’t stop what I am” Justin whispered. He sank to the floor, leaning in close to the wood stove. He wanted Brian badly. He knew he’d be worried sick about him. He had to know something was wrong when he didn’t call last night. One or the other of them called every day they were apart. Not one day had been missed until the night before. Under the warm blanket Justin slipped his hand into the pocket of his cargo pants. He wrapped his fingers around the pebbled glass. Once again he let the feeling of Brian’s love wash over him, taking comfort in the knowledge that Brian would never rest until he’d find him. Justin’s color returned to normal. Ethan drank coffee, watching him close. When Justin began to take some interest in his surroundings, Ethan went over to him. “Stand up. I’m taking you to your room.” He walked toward the back of the large loft room, disappearing behind a door. Justin slowly picked himself up off the floor. He kept the blanket tightly wrapped as he followed Ethan. He was hungry, he had a foul taste in his mouth, he needed water and he needed food and he needed Brian. He looked around the room as he made his way to the door looking for any sign of a telephone, but he couldn’t see one anywhere. Ethan stood outside a door. “In here Justin” he said. He opened the door. Inside was a stark room, cold and sterile. “The faster you pay attention and listen and learn, the faster you accept the teachings and renounce your sinful lifestyle, the faster you will be returned to your family.” Justin eyed him warily as he eased past him into the room. He stood there looking around. A cot was against the wall, a partition hid a toilet and a sink. A small table held some bottled water and two plastic wrapped sandwiches. The window was high on the wall and not large. Justin couldn’t see any lights in the room. He jumped when the door behind him shut leaving him standing in shadows. The grey winter light barely filtered through the window high on the wall. Almost immediately a whispering sound could be heard through the very walls. Words that seemed to run together like white noise. Justin listened carefully. It was crap, meant to show him the error of his ways, turn him into a good little God fearing heterosexual. It was cold in the room and the blanket offered small comfort. He used the toilet and rinsed his hands and his mouth. He looked at the bottled water, checking that the seal hadn’t been broken. He was afraid to drink anything in case it was drugged. He didn’t dare touch the sandwiches; he took them to the toilet and slowly, reluctantly tore them to bits, flushing them down the toilet. He didn’t want to be tempted. His bottle of water in one hand and his piece of glass in the other, he moved to the cot sitting on it, his back to the wall, the blanket wrapped tight and he waited. He waited for Brian even though he knew it was useless and stupid to think that he could possibly even know where he was, let alone find him. But he needed to believe. He closed his eyes doing his best to ignore the whispering walls. He held the glass tightly in his hand. A tear trickled down his cheek as the realization that it was his own father who was doing this to him, filtered into his brain. sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss During the entire flight to Montreal, Michael sat beside Brian saying nothing. He wanted to, but the look of utter despair on Brian’s face kept him silent. All he could do was keep his hand on Brian’s arm and hope that he would gain some kind of strength of the knowledge that they were together and they would find Justin. It was past four in the afternoon by the time the plane had landed and they had cleared customs. They were outside the airport building walking to the bank of waiting taxis. “Look, Mikey, you go to Maude’s and see that Vic is settled. I’m going to the hospital to talk to Rosaire.” He opened door to the first taxi for Michael, stuck his head in and gave the driver Maude’s address. “I’ll be at Maude’s as soon as I can.” Michael looked on helplessly as Brian strode the cab behind his and got in. Together they pulled out of the line up and began the drive into Montreal. sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss “Hey Rosaire, you look like shit.” Brian said. He walked over to the hospital bed and kissed Rosaire’s white cheek. Rosaire smiled up at him weakly. He was still seeing double, but two Brian’s, even two exhausted Brian’s were always pleasant to look at. “Hey Brian, how come you’re back?” “Maude called last night when they took you away.” Brian hesitated. “Justin is missing. I need to find out anything you can remember about last night. I think it’s related.” “I’m sorry Brian. I didn’t know this had something to do with Justin. All I remember is stopping by Maude’s last night. I think I started up the walkway, but that’s all I know until I woke up here.” “Justin mentioned seeing a black van around the school and the house. Do you recall seeing one?” “Brian, there are lots of black vans. Why would one stick out?” Rosaire was puzzled. “It had its windows darkly tinted and the words “Emissaries of the Divine’ in gold script on the doors.” “I’ve heard of these guys. They run some kind of wilderness camp up north. Do cult deprogramming.” “Well, they’re in the business of deprogramming fags too. Seems they find it rather lucrative. Craig Taylor paid them ten thousand dollars to take Justin and turn him straight.” Brian put his head down and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Fuck Rosaire, can you believe it?” he shook his head “His own father.” He put his hand on the injured man’s arm, “I’m sorry you were hurt Rosaire. Look, don’t worry about Maude. Vic Grassi is here from Pittsburgh, he’s a good friend. He’ll watch out for her while you’re in the hospital. When you can get out of here, go to the apartment. Vic will stay with you until I get back.” “Where are you going?” Rosaire asked. “I’m going to find Justin and bring him home.”