Boys of Summer Part 7 Notes: the clouds in this alternate universe have passed and once again we can don our rose colored glasses. Misty – thank you for the lyrics. sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss “Brian, why don’t we wait and leave first thing in the morning?” Michael asked. “You’re exhausted, you need to sleep.” “I’ll sleep when I’m dead or when Justin is in my arms.” He looked over at his friend in the passenger seat of the white SUV he’d rented. “Put your seat back and you try and get some sleep. When I find Justin, you can drive back.” He drove down the unfamiliar snow covered highway for a few minutes. “Mikey, thanks for coming with me.” “You needed me and I came. What’s to thank me for?” Brian smiled to himself, but kept on driving. He knew he should sleep. He felt like he was on autopilot. But he had to find Justin. The map on the dashboard wasn’t specific about the exact location of the Emissaries of the Divine’s lodge. But he figured once he got close, he’d find it. They were lucky that Justin had written down the license plate number and that Brian had enough favors owed to him to track down the address attached to the number. He looked over at Michael who was now sleeping soundly. He was also lucky that Michael read so many comic books with the hero looking for clues. It was Michael who had found the piece of paper with the license plate number written on it and realized the significance. He patted his jacket pocket to reassure himself that Justin’s pendant was still there. Vic had repaired the chain while he waited for Brian to arrive. He’d left Vic sitting in the wing back chair, Neko-chan on his lap, eating cookies and listening to Maude’s stories. The cat had glared at Brian when he’d walked in. Brian had glared back. Vic had laughed, already aware of the circumstance of the cat’s bad hair day. Maude had told him all about it. He checked the clock on the dashboard. He had about six more hours of driving. It was starting to snow lightly, the flakes streaming onto the windshield. It was going to be a long night. sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss Justin’s stomach growled. He backed into the corner as much as he could. It felt a little warmer there. The blanket he had around him was useless, a thin piece of something synthetic. His body heat seemed to leech right through it. He kept his eyes on the closed door hidden in shadows. The only light was the moonlight reflecting off the snow. The whispered words of control surrounded him, but he’d developed a small cone of silence around his immediate body by holding tightly to the small piece of pink glass, his hand deep in his pocket and thinking of Brian, effectively blocking out all of the hated words. In the next room Ethan was arguing with someone on a satellite phone. “Look it isn’t going as we planned. It’s almost twelve hours and he hasn’t moved off the bed. He’s huddled in the corner” “Did he eat?” a deep voice growled. “The food is gone and all the water.” “Then it’s only a matter of time.” “I tell you it feels different this time.” “If we send him back we forfeit half the deposit.” “His father called. The boyfriend is looking for him. He knows we have him.” “Fuck, how did he find that out?” “He didn’t say. But after the publicity with that Douglas kid, we can’t afford to have anything go wrong.” “Give it another twelve hours. Get back to me and we’ll make the decision then.” sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss Brian could barely see. The snow was relentless, it never seemed to stop. The unfamiliar road was impossible; it was too early for the snowplows and Brian couldn’t always tell where the road actually was. He tried to aim for the center point between the fence posts that outlined property on either side of the highway, but even they disappeared on occasion. His head ached and his eyes felt like they’d been removed and boiled then dropped back into his sockets. He checked the dashboard clock again, it was almost six and still dark, though the night shadows were lengthening. Michael snored beside him, unaware of the slow speed they’d been traveling, or the horrendous road conditions. An oasis of light appeared up ahead, a gas station and restaurant came into view. Brian pulled in and up to the pumps. He needed to refuel both the gas and himself. His rudimentary French that he’d picked up during the summer helped to make him understood and he was able to get the gas tank filled and buy coffee and some freshly made donuts. He checked with the attendant, showing him his crude map and the address he was looking for and was gratified to discover that he was within an hour’s drive of the location. Before he went back to the rented SUV, he found a payphone and dialed his loft number. Jennifer answered it on the second ring. “Hello” she said, her voice shook with exhaustion and worry. “It’s Brian, Jennifer.” Brian heard her gasp. “Justin, have you found him?” “I’m on my way to get him. I’m pretty sure I know where he is. You might want to ask your husband about what was going through his little pea sized brain when he had Justin kidnapped by a bunch of lunatics. Maybe explain to him that you can’t deprogram something that’s been genetically programmed. Justin is gay, I’m gay, a damn good part of the world’s population is gay. No amount of money thrown at whacko’s is going to change that.” He sighed, he shouldn’t be taking out his frustration and anger on Jennifer. “Look, this place they have him is pretty remote. When I get there, I’m not sure if there’s even a phone. I only wanted you to know that I’m close. And Jennifer, keep your asshole husband out of my way when I get back. I’m not sure I’ll be able to control myself if I see him.” “After this Brian, Craig is not going to be part of my life or even Molly’s life. I talked to Melanie and she is going to find me a good lawyer. One who specializes in this type of thing. He’s hurt one of my children. He’s not getting the opportunity to hurt another.” Brian spoke to her for a few more minutes and then hung up. He knew she wasn’t the unfeeling monster his own mother had been. She cared enough for her child to act immediately when he was threatened. It reassured him that Justin would still have some family support left when he returned to Pittsburgh. The knowledge that he was close to Justin, the coffee and the sugar high he was achieving with the donuts, straightened his spine and renewed his determination. Even the snow looked less daunting now that dawn was creeping over the horizon releasing the road from it’s mysterious blank white look and helping to define the edges as the sun created shadows in the ditches along side the road. Michael continued to sleep, unaware of the pit stop Brian had made. Brian thought to himself that Neko-chan would have been better company, but of course Neko-chan wouldn’t be able to drive back to Montreal once Justin was found. He sighed and began to drive toward the man he loved. sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss In Montreal Vic puttered around the small kitchen with Maude. The two of them had been up for almost an hour. Vic was delighted to have someone who understood baking and had new recipes to share. “You could make a fortune with this cookie recipe Maude.” He said. “I’ve never tasted anything quite like them.” “I wanted to market them and a few others Vic, but never got around to it.” Maude reached into a drawer and handed Vic a well worn and overstuffed note book. Its binding was worn at the edges, and flour stained, hand written pages kept slipping out. “This was my mother’s and then mine.” Vic looked at it with awe, slowly turning the pages and reading the recipes with reverence. “Some of these dates Maude, they’re more than a hundred years old.” “Well, it was my mother’s book, Victor dear, and I’m damn near a hundred years old.” She chuckled and put a cup of tea down by his hand. “I haven’t looked at it for many years. I don’t need to; they’re all in my heart, these recipes.” She looked at Vic and smiled watching him turn the pages carefully. “Victor, I have no one to pass them on to. I’d like you to have the book. Maybe someday you could market the cookies, make an old ladies dream come true.” Vic looked at her and smiled his thanks. “You really mean it Maude?” he asked. “I could get Brian to help me set something up, maybe open a small shop and see how it goes first.” He got up and kissed her cheek. “I would only do it, if we were partners Maude.” “I’m too old to be a partner dear, but if you really want to do this, make my Justin along with his Brian your partner instead of me. They love the cookies too especially my ‘bad boy’. Brian and Justin can have my share. It will give them something to remember me by.” “You’re unforgettable Maude. We don’t need your cookies to remember you.” Vic reached over and patted her hand. Maude flushed with the compliment. “Now you’re making me all embarrassed Vic.” She smiled at him. “The hospital said we could pick up Rosaire early. I’m going to insist he come back here. You don’t mind do you Vic? You’ll like Rosaire; he’s very handsome and a kind and gentle man.” “Maude are you matchmaking?” Vic teased. “It’s never too late dear to find happiness.” This time Maude patted Vic’s hand. “I’ve given up on that Maude. I just try and live from day to day. Happiness is for younger and smarter men.” Vic wasn’t bitter, just resigned. “You are a young man Vic and not bad looking. I guarantee that you will find happiness before you join me in heaven.” She looked deep into his eyes. “That’s a very old ladies experience talking here Victor, so you listen carefully.” Victor laughed. “If you say so Maude, now I’d better get my room tidied up for Rosaire. I hope he doesn’t mind sharing with an old queer.” “Rosaire and you are close to the same age, though he is older than you. So it will be the other way around. You’ll be sharing with an old queer.” She giggled girlishly. “You two better behave. You don’t want to make an old lady blush.” “Maude, you’re too much” Vic said. He kissed the top of her head as he left the room to remake the bed and get it ready for Rosaire. sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss Justin watched the window high above his head. The dark space that had allowed only the tiniest bit of moonlight to filter through gradually turned charcoal grey and then silver and now finally watery blue. He let his mind wander over the way he would mix the color from his water color set to achieve all of these variations of hues that appeared on the canvas of the small window. A mantra of ‘I love Brian Kinney and he loves me’ repeated over and over in his head. He’d perfected the art of using his brain for three different thoughts about mid way through the night. He could think of Brian, rubbing the pink ocean glass, he could dissemble color and he could block out the incessant whisper that seemed to come through the walls. His stomach had given up rumbling about the same time. He was still cold, but not anymore than he was in Brian’s cold loft. He hadn’t moved from his spot on the bed, his back wedged into the corner, his knees up, blanket wrapped around him. His eyes went to the door when he heard the snick of the lock turning. It opened and Ethan stood in the room. “Justin, you haven’t finished the water.” He said. “You need to drink, you’ll become dehydrated.” Justin’s eyes blazed at him but he said nothing. “This attitude isn’t going to help. No one will be rescuing you if that’s what you’re thinking. We have a job to perform here and we fully intend to do it.” He placed a steaming bowl of oatmeal on the small table. Justin could smell the melting brown sugar and his mouth watered. He never took his eyes off Ethan. His hand tightened around ‘Brian’s heart’ absorbing the strength of the man who had given it too him. He turned his face back to the window repeating his mantra inside his head, shutting out the white noise from the walls and now the white noise of Ethan as he tried to explain to Justin why he should give in and listen. He only looked away when he heard the door shut. The oatmeal gradually cooled until it became a solid mass of cold goo, topped with swirls of brown. Justin was beyond hunger, yet he didn’t dare touch the pathetic morning offering. He knew it would be laced with what ever drug they used in their ‘brain washing’. He sat for another hour before he realized that when Ethan had left the room, he hadn’t locked the door. He thought back, he’d heard the door shut but he’d never heard that tell tale snick of the lock. He smiled to himself. “Moron” he thought “once again the straight world underestimates the strength of the average queer.” sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss The smell of coffee had brought Michael to consciousness. He reached over and took one of the coffees from the bag on the console between the seats. “How much further?” he asked looking out the window at the utter remoteness of their location. All he could see was highway disappearing into oblivion, snow and forest on both sides of them. There wasn’t a house, a car or any sign of humanity anywhere. “Where the fuck are we?” he was almost panicked at the remoteness of their location, a common reaction from a city person when faced with northern Canadian wilderness. “Don’t get your panties in a bunch. We’re almost at the turn off according to the guy back at the gas station and this map.” Brian continued driving but for the first time absorbed the beauty of their surroundings. The snow had stopped, leaving the pine trees bordering the road laden with white glistening globs of the stuff. The morning sun caught the pristine whiteness making the snow appear like it was littered with diamonds. A small herd of deer stood by the side of the highway waiting for their SUV to pass, heads up, ears alert for any sign of danger. They were the first on the road, their tires leaving a path behind them as they drove over the virgin snow covered highway. “Did you see those deer?” Michael asked his eyes wide. “Real live deer, right beside the road.” “We’re in their territory now Mikey” Brian said. He was watching for any indication of a side road. The map wasn’t too clear on exactly where it was. He passed a break in the trees. That had to be it. He stopped and backed up until he could turn into the narrow roadway. They drove in only a few feet when a tall gate, a heavy chain and padlock confronted them. A small sign on the gate said. “Emissaries of the Divine – private property – no admittance.” “Now what?” Michael asked. “Now we go through the gate and find Justin.” Brian put the vehicle in gear and backed up to the highway. He checked that it was in four wheel drive, put his foot on the brake and revved up the motor. “WHAT ARE YOU DOING?” Michael screamed “Demonstrating why it’s always good to pay for the insurance when you rent a vehicle.” Brian said as his foot left the brake and the vehicle roared toward the locked gate, hitting it with a force that broke the chain and swung the gate back at an angle wedging it into some bushes at the side of the road. He looked at Michael quickly, grinning wildly as he struggled to keep the car on the road as he slowed down to a more sensible speed. It was barely a road, you would almost think of it as a wide pathway. The trees loomed close. There was room for only one vehicle and Brian hoped he didn’t meet anyone coming the other way, because he wouldn’t be the one moving into the woods. Michael was thinking the same thing when he looked at the almost maniacal expression on Brian’s face. The car moved slowly on the deep snow covered dirt road. Brian checked the gauges on the dash. Nothing was drastically altered so he figured that he hadn’t damaged anything more than the outside of the SUV. The road dipped and turned, the trees hugging them so close at times that the low slung branches dropped their heavy load of snow on them when they brushed by. They crept their way along for more than a mile. The two of them were beginning to think that they would never find any kind of evidence of a camp. They both were sad when on one side of the road the trees disappeared leaving only a vast expanse of chewed off stumps from some long ago logging operation, a piece of human ugliness in a forest of incomparable beauty. A red fox flashed across the road in front of them disappearing with a flick of its bushy tail into the dense undergrowth. The forest looked impenetrable; you couldn’t see more than a few feet into it before the thick tree trunks blocked the view. Brian thought of words he’d heard once. ‘the silence was deafening’ and he looked at the vast silent forest, sounds muffled by the heavy snow and he knew what the words meant. Michael shivered in the seat beside him, the forest scared him, he could only think of all the X Files show’s he’d watched that had taken place with trees surrounding the heroes. Trees like these ones so tall you couldn’t see their tops and were so close together that the sky was only a strip where the road cut through and even that was blocked by tree limbs on occasion. A sharp bend in the road was taken with care and suddenly, like they had been catapulted into a piece of civilization, they found themselves in a natural clearing in the middle of the forest. Brian remembered stories he’d been told as a child by his grandmother of clearings like this in Irish forests. A meeting place for sprites, leprechauns and fairies and his eyes searched for the circle of stones where the little people would hold their celebrations. Instead he saw on the other side of the clearing a series of buildings, only one had smoke pouring from the chimney. A black snow covered van parked in front. His eyes fixed on his destination he drove on. sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss Vic walked into the hospital room, knocking first before he entered. A silver haired man sat on the side of the bed, his back to him. He turned when he heard Vic’s footsteps moving closer. Their eyes met and locked as each of them drank in the appearance of the other. Vic walked over and gently kissed the cheek of the man on the bed. They had never met before, but somehow it seemed the right thing to do. Rosaire laughed delighted and turned his face up, inviting a more intimate kiss. Vic obliged, an unfamiliar stirring in his groin area, making him smile. It had been a long drought. “I’ve come to take you home to Maude” Vic said when he was able to talk. “I’d like that.” Rosaire said simply. He’d been waiting, not for this. This feeling he had instantly for the tall man in front of him, this was a pleasant surprise. He hadn’t felt this kind of attraction to a man since his beloved Ira. He could almost feel Ira’s presence, telling him to enjoy the moment. The two of them walked to the nurses’ station to sign him out then proceeded to the elevator, their hands locking together naturally. They stood there both grinning like simpletons. Vic looked at Rosaire and Rosaire looked at Vic and they both burst out laughing at the absurdity of life. The others on the elevator stepped back, creating as much distance as they could around the two men who certainly looked too old to be dissolved in fits of giggles. They got into the back of a waiting taxi. Vic looked at Rosaire. “I’m positive” he said. Rosaire looked into the kind eyes “We’ll deal with it” was all he said. His hand tightened in a reassuring grip. Vic relaxed back into the seat. It had been a long time since he’d held hands with someone like this, felt this kind of bond with another. They were almost to the house when Vic looked over. “I’m Vic Grassi, by the way.” Rosaire laughed his delight showing. “I was hoping you were. Brian had mentioned you were helping with Maude.” sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss Justin’s head came up from where he was resting it on his knees. He heard a vehicle outside his window. Brian was here, he just knew it. sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss Brian got out of the car, followed by Michael. He walked up to the door and turned the handle. “Brian, you can’t just walk in, you have to knock at least” Michael whined. “I left my manners back in the Pitts when I decked the son of a bitch that started this.” Brian continued to turn the handle and stepped into the lodge. A smaller man with greasy dark hair, holding a violin stared into Brian’s eyes from across the room. “This is private property and you’re trespassing.” His voice was raised. Brian didn’t even stop; he walked slowly and deliberately toward the man. “Where’s Justin?” he asked. “I don’t know who you’re talking about. I told you this is private property, you can’t come in here.” “So sue me. Where’s Justin?” “There is no Justin here.” The man looked at Brian, his voice belligerent. “No, you asshole, then who the fuck am I?” Justin stood his legs shaky, in the doorway at the back of the room. His face was even paler than usual. He had a blanket wrapped around him. He looked at Brian and tried to smile. “Brian” his voice crumbled and his legs began to give way. In a few strides Brian was beside Justin supporting him in his strong arms. He lifted him up effortlessly and carried him toward the main door. He looked at Ethan who had started toward them, his violin raised as if to use it as a weapon. “You want to get rid of some of that pent up energy boy. I’d suggest a shower and maybe get your mother to teach you how to shave, you have a spot you missed on your chin.” Michael watched Ethan warily. He backed up to the door and opened it for Brian and Justin. “You drive Mikey.” he said over his shoulder. Tenderly he cradled Justin in his arms when the two of them got into the rear seat of the SUV. “When you reach the gas station stop, we’ll need to fill up before heading back to Montreal. There’s a restaurant there, we can get something to eat.” Justin, his arms wrapped around Brian, didn’t want to even move. He’d never been so happy to see someone before. A tear slipped down his cheek. Brian let his thumb brush it away. He leaned down and kissed the soft lips, “I told you I’d always be there for you. It was a promise that I’ll never break.” He reached into the pocket of his jacket and pulled out the heart pendant. He slipped it back over Justin’s head. “You dropped something” he said. Justin relaxed into Brian’s embrace even more, happy to have his pendant back. “Brian, it was my dad who did this.” Justin’s heart ached at the thought of what his father did to him, what he wanted done to him. “He wanted to destroy me. He wanted me to be someone I’m not.” “I know baby, but he can’t do that to you. You’re Justin Taylor, queer, blonde and the love of my life.” Brian kissed him again sealing the statement. It was then, that Michael, listening in the front seat realized that Brian would never truly be his. The love Brian felt for Justin was more than just an ordinary kind of love. This was something special, a once in a life time kind of thing. He felt hurt and sad. He looked in the rear view mirror at Brian’s face as he talked to Justin. The aura of mysterious sadness that had always been written across Brian’s face was gone. He realized that it had been a long time since he’d seen that look. It had been replaced by one of happy contentment. sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss Brian’s eyes were glassy by the time Michael reached the gas station. Justin had finally warmed up thanks to the excellent car heater. And his main thought was finding something to eat. Michael filled the gas tank of the SUV and managed to fend off the curious stares of everyone when they saw the damage to the front. It was assumed they had hit a deer and none of them disputed the idea. Brian wouldn’t let Justin eat anything more than soup once he’d learned that he’d not eaten in two days. He did agree to buy some sandwiches for later once they saw how Justin would fare with the two bowls of soup. They didn’t linger in the small restaurant. They all wanted to put as much distance as they could behind them, away from the Emissaries of the Divine lodge. Justin did call his mother to let her know he was alright. He wasn’t surprised that Brian had let her and Molly stay in the loft. For Justin, this was the only way Brian would have acted. This was the Brian Kinney that Justin knew and loved. Brian waited close by while Justin reassured her. “Mom, I’m OK, don’t worry, Brian’s here. You know he’ll never let me out of his sight. Nothing will happen.” He paused listening to her. He looked at Brian and grinned. “He is a good man and yes I’ll be sure to tell him.” Brian smirked at him, finally able to relax now that Justin was close. “I’ve got to go. We don’t want to travel after dark, a slight head light problem with the rental car. Later Mom.” Justin hung up the phone and stepped into Brian’s arms. It took some doing, but Justin was able to convince Brian to get into the back seat by himself and lay down. He hadn’t slept in more than twenty four hours and he looked exhausted. Brian lay with his head positioned so he could see Justin sitting in the front beside Michael. Justin reached his hand back so it rested on Brian’s arm and they began the long drive into Montreal. Brian was sure he wouldn’t sleep but the hum of the tires on the highway combined with Justin’s chatter to Michael lulled him to sleep. Justin almost had fun as they drove to the city. He asked Michael to tell him some stories of Brian and Michael together when they grew up. Brian had told him lots of the same stories but it was interesting getting Michael’s perspective. Justin laughed out loud a few times when the stories had large discrepancies puzzling Michael. Luckily he didn’t ask for a reason for Justin’s laughter. Brian woke up as the Montreal noises surrounded the car. Tires screeching, horns honking, the usual city noises, he sat up and rested his chin on the back of Justin’s seat. “I wish you were sitting back here.” He whispered into Justin’s ear. It was all Justin needed to hear. He undid his seatbelt and scrambled over the seat to the surprise of both Michael and Brian. “Hey you said you wished I was sitting with you.” Justin said to the amused face of his lover. “Your wish is my command oh fearless knight.” “Well,” Michael said “I guess the fearless knight just rescued the Drama Princess on his white SUV.” He chuckled to himself. Brian smiled but gathered Justin into his arms. “A nice hot bubble bath for you my little Drama Princess, when we get home.” He nuzzled the blonde’s neck. “You implying that I stink?” Justin tried to be indignant, but it wasn’t working. He did stink and he knew it. “I like my Drama Princess’s to be clean and tasty before I bite into them.” Brian teased. “Of course you realize I’ll have to join you in the bath. You might feel weak.” “Puuuuullleeeeze” Michael rolled his eyes and moaned. “Only if you promise to let me wash you all over.” Justin kissed the end of Brian’s nose. “If I have to” Brian sighed but he grinned. “Thank gawd we’re almost at Maude’s. You guys make me want to puke.” Michael griped. He pulled the white, slightly bent SUV up to the curb in front of Maude’s house. He’d barely turned it off when the door to the house opened and everyone tumbled out to greet them. Justin had been rather nonchalant up to this point, but one look at Rosaire’s head with the thick bandage and he burst into tears, throwing his arms around the startled man. Michael stood back and shook his head looking at Brian and like two long time friends, they read each other’s mind and mouthed ‘Drama Princess’ to each other and grinned. Vic looked at the front of the rented SUV and raised his eyebrows. Brian said “Don’t ask”. Maude was the only sensible one of all of them. “Get in the house, right now boys. It’s freezing out here. Justin, stop that, Rosaire is fine. Brian take your little Drama Princess up to the apartment and get him cleaned up. I’ll expect you both downstairs in an hour for dinner. Michael, it’s nice to meet you again. You can tell us all about your adventure with Brian while those two get presentable.” She turned and walked back into the house. Vic took Rosaire’s hand and followed her and Michael, Brian and Justin, all with their eyes glued to the linked hands in front of them followed. Brian and Justin walked up the familiar stairs to their apartment. The door was opened a few inches and they looked at each other. Brian spoke first. “I’m changing the door handles to knobs. If she can open those I won’t fight it.” Justin smiled at him, resolving to teach Neko-chan how to open door knobs as soon as Brian left for Pittsburgh. They walked up to the bedroom. Brian noticed that someone had straightened up the disarray on the lower floor. He glanced at the big bed with longing, but he knew an hour only gave them enough time to make good on his promise of a hot bubble bath, and even that would be cutting it close. He started the bath water running adding some of Justin’s favorite bath salts while Justin found them both clean clothing. He patted Neko-chan who was sleeping on Brian’s cashmere sweater on the floor of the closet. It was her favorite spot. Neko-chan liked to have something of Brian’s to sleep on just like he liked to have something of Brian’s to sleep with. He looked at his pillow in the bed seeing in his mind the folded black wife beater that lay under the blue cotton. He walked into the bathroom to find his auburn haired lover already in the hot bath. Scented steam rose in the large room, Justin smiled down at him and slowly removed his clothing dropping them in a heap and kicking them into a corner. Brian shook his head at the teen’s actions, remembering himself at that age. Then, no he’d never done that, he’d always put his clothing away carefully. He looked at Justin who was grinning at him. He knew Justin had read his mind and probably kicked the stuff in a corner just to see his reaction. “Get in the bath, brat” Brian held up his arms waiting for the luscious body to enter into his embrace. Justin continued to smile and walked seductively down the step into the sunken tub. He shut his eyes, the better to enjoy the blissful pleasure of being held close by the man he loved in a deep tub full of hot scented water. Brian slowly began to rub the soap over Justin’s body. Justin wiggled so that he could be even closer to Brian. “I had you with me every minute.” Justin said his voice soft. “You did?” Brian kissed the top of his head. “I had your heart in my pocket and my hand on your heart. I could feel you in it. I knew you’d find me.” “I wouldn’t have stopped until I did.” Brian held him a little closer. “You are my life.” He stopped. He couldn’t say anything else. But Justin knew, because Brian was HIS life too. “Why did my Dad do it Brian?” Justin asked. “Why does anyone do things that make no rational sense?” Brian answered. “But I’ll be sure to ask him when I see him next.” “Don’t bother Brian.” Justin sighed. “It really hurts you know. But I’ll get over it. I’ll get over it because I have you and because I couldn’t be anything else but who I am. It wouldn’t be fair. I’d be cheating guys like Ira and Vic and Rosaire. Guys who have lived their life out and proud and maybe died because of it. I can’t do that. I wouldn’t be able to look myself in the mirror if I denied who I was.” “I love you Sunshine, you make me proud just to know you and you loving me, well that’s just icing on the cake.” Brian’s gentle kisses and soft soothing touches inflamed Justin. He needed Brian now. He needed him to validate his stance in life. Brian looked deep into the sapphire blue depths, silently acknowledging Justin’s needs. “We’ll be late for dinner.” He whispered. Justin didn’t answer with words, his lips met Brian’s in an urgency born out of desperation to show the man he was with how much he meant to him. He never wanted Brian to doubt for one moment that he was his passion. sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss Maude bustled around the kitchen with Vic. Michael and Rosaire sitting at the kitchen table watching the two of them with amusement and love. Michael checked his watch. “Hey, didn’t you say dinner was in an hour. Brian and Justin aren’t back yet.” “Did you really think they would be Michael, dear?” Maude asked as she handed Vic the bowl he was looking for. “You said.—Michael began. “Brian thought he’d lost Justin, and even if it was only for a moment, that’s too long when you are as connected as the two of them are.” Maude replied. “Vic and I knew it would be more than an hour. Don’t worry, you’ll be fed.” Michael sat at the table, his face gloomy. Rosaire looking at him felt sorry for him. “It’s hard having your best friend move on with his life.” Rosaire said. “You think you know what’s best for him and yet he has ideas of his own.” He glanced up as if seeing through the floor to the apartment above. “Those two, they have something special, something that rarely happens especially with queers. They have a connection. Justin fell in love with Brian not knowing a thing about him. And Brian fell in love with Justin at a time in his life when he really needed love.” He looked at Michael who was starting to say something. “I know you love him Michael, but not the way Brian needs. He’s needed someone who believes in him above everything else. Who thinks he’s hung the moon and the stars. That’s Justin, that’s how he feels about Brian.” Vic, who had been listening, walked over to Rosaire and kissed the top of his head, and then went back to helping Maude prepare the dinner. Michael took this all in without saying a word. It was a new side of his Uncle Vic. One he hadn’t seen before. He was happy for him. sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss “I’m not hurting you am I?” Vic asked. He was holding Rosaire close, the warm duvet pulled high and over their shoulders. “My head is just fine Vic.” Rosaire said. He reached up and kissed the underside of Vic’s chin. “I can’t believe I’m here, in Maude’s house, in bed with you.” “You can’t believe it. I was beginning to think sex was just a figment of my imagination.” Vic teased. “I want you to consider my offer Vic.” Rosaire tried to sound serious, which was hard when he was smiling so widely. “It’s a business proposition for me, but I agree that Maude’s recipes would be great out there on the open market.” “We could open a small shop in a mall.” Vic ventured. “Yes we could. I’d like it to be here, but Pittsburgh is fine.” “Maybe you and Brian could get some kind of volume discount for so many flights between Montreal and the Pitts.” Vic teased. sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss It was still dark outside, when Brian reluctantly pulled himself out of the warm embrace of his blonde lover. Justin sat up in bed. “I hate it when you have to leave.” He said, his voice still filled with sleep. “You can come too. You know I want you with me baby.” Brian looked down at the tousled blonde. “I’m sure you’d be accepted at PIFA” “I can’t. I made a commitment and I’m going to stick with it.” He smiled “I’m going to be more careful though, if I see any black vans.” “I talked to Rosaire about that and he will drive you to Concordia each day and see that you get home.” “Brian, I don’t need a babysitter.” “I know, but I’d feel better if I knew you were with someone as much as possible.” Brian walked into the bathroom and started the shower. He stood under the steaming water trying to wash the sleep away. He and Michael were catching an early flight back to Pittsburgh. He knew immediately when Justin joined him. He could feel his presence when he walked through the door. Justin picked up the soap and began the ritual of washing Brian’s back, tracing the line of muscles memorizing them for later when he’d draw his favorite subject. He lost himself in the feel of Brian’s wet soapy skin, letting his hands move as if they were thinking for themselves. Down the strong legs, his fingers sensuously massaging as they soaped the defined thighs, slipping between the crevasse of his ass, caressing the full balls hanging low in the heat of the shower. Brian head back, letting the water cascade down his body, rinsing the soap as fast as it was applied a study of perfection in the male form. Until he’d met Justin, no one had ever performed such personal services for him. It seemed almost decadent, the ultimate luxury, his own personal servant. But it wasn’t, it was a man in love with another. A man who could make love to Brian in ways that no one else could, by his touch, his kisses, the way he looked at him from across the room. Brian turned and faced Justin, he tilted the younger man’s face toward his, drinking in the beauty, before pulling him close in a tight embrace. “Don’t ever change the man you are Justin” he said, his voice soft and full of love. “You are perfection in my eyes. Let me protect you however I can. I can’t afford to lose you.” With the certainty of youth Justin replied. “I’ll always love you Brian.” He handed Brian a condom from the niche in the wall. “Make love to me, I want you, I want it hard and fast. I want to be able to feel you inside me for the rest of the day.” Brian turned him and quickly sheathed his thick cock. Justin bent slightly at the waist to allow Brian quick entry. He fat head found Justin’s hole, nudging it in that way that seemed to ask permission before it entered. Justin moved back unexpectedly impaling the hard member. Brian waited a moment, he didn’t want to hurt the impatient young man, but with a gasp Justin thrust back again, he wanted it all, and he wanted it now. A deep groan escaped from Brian’s lips as his cock, fat in the morning heat of the shower was gripped by smooth walls of dense warmth. Instinctively he moved, slow at first, savoring the feelings, wanting them to last forever But Justin had other ideas. He moved with Brian’s thrusts, thrusting himself back only harder and faster until both of them were gasping for breath. Brian braced himself with one hand and reached around to clasp the iron hard cock of Justin’s. Immediately his hand touched the smooth skin, he could feel that familiar tightening in his balls and wave after wave, the orgasm ripped through his body. Justin’s hole squeezing him unmercifully as he joined him in shooting his load. He barely had his breath under control when he felt himself being turned and the latex covered head of Justin’s cock began to push inside him. He leaned forward, feet spread to allow the shorter man access, joining him in the thrusts that would bring them both once again to climax. “I love you Justin, I love you Brian” called out in breathless wonder as they came. sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss Michael and Brian sat side by side on the plane that was taking the two of them back to Pittsburgh. Brian could still feel the tingle inside him that was Justin. He refused to look out the window has the plane lifted from the runway at Dorval. He didn’t need any reminders that he wasn’t going home, just going away from the stubborn man he loved. He looked at Michael. “Mikey, thanks for coming with me. Justin and I both needed you.” He paused for a moment not sure about what he was going to say next. But he knew he had to say it. “About Justin,” he turned to look directly at his best friend. “I never thought I’d ever find someone to love me the way he does and I sure didn’t think I’d ever feel this way about another person. I’m different with him. With him, I feel the way I used to imagine people must feel when I’d look at happy couples, with their family and friends. I didn’t thing it would ever be me. I thought it was just something that straight people had. But it isn’t Mikey, it’s real and I’m afraid of losing it. I don’t want the gang back in the Pitts to know about Justin and me. I know he was here at Christmas and they know he’s my boyfriend. I just don’t want them to know the depth of love I feel for him. I’m afraid I’ll jinx it somehow.” He paused searching his friends face for an indication that he understood. “Brian, you’re my best friend and I admit I didn’t like the idea that you could disappear without me and get yourself a life. But I think seeing Uncle Vic with Rosaire yesterday helped me to understand that you have to go with the hand you’re dealt.” He leaned over and kissed Brian on the cheek. “You and Justin be happy.” Brian sat back in his seat satisfied. He shut his eyes and let his mind drift to this morning in the shower reliving it moment by moment. Michael glanced over, seeing the contented smile on Brian’s face, he knew what he must be thinking about. Maybe someday he’d find a love like Brian had. sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss Craig Taylor opened the envelope that had just been delivered to his office. In it he found a receipt for a storage company and a note. Craig – you almost had our son destroyed, in doing this you have destroyed our marriage. Your belongs are with the storage company, the address of which is on the receipt. The locks have been changed on the house. I have enclosed my lawyer’s address. She will be in touch with your lawyer regarding a settlement and divorce proceedings. I would suggest that you get some counseling; you are seriously in need of some. I only hope your son will be able to forgive you some day, I’m not sure that I will. Jennifer. He sat at his desk staring at the pictures on the corner of it. The four of them posing together in a formal family pose, Jennifer, Molly and Justin all of the waving at him from a small boat dock on the island, Justin and Molly standing with their arms around each other, yet all he could see was Justin, his face flushed with love as he looked up into the eyes of Brian Kinney. His hand swept the pictures off his desk to land on the floor, frames bent, glass broken. All he could think of was that Brian Kinney had destroyed his family. Brian Kinney and his perverted life style. sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss Brian opened the door to the diner the morning after he’d come back from rescuing Justin. He walked in knowing that he was the center of attention. He felt himself preen like a peacock. He kissed Deb on the cheek and sat down with the rest of the gang. “Hey guys, what’s new?” he asked. He reached for the paper that Ted had been reading, turned to the financial section and began to read. “What, other than you’re too cheap to buy your own paper?” Ted asked and he grabbed the paper back from Brian. Brian gave him his tongue in cheek smile. Deb came over and poured him a coffee then refilled Michael’s and Emmett’s. “Michael” she asked, “where were you the last couple of days. I thought with Vic out of town, you and I could maybe have some mother and son bonding time.” “Ma, we watch movies together all the time.” Michael answered. “Yes Michael, where were you? I wanted to go out with you to check out the sale at Torso, there’s some things that would look terrific on you.” Emmett looked Michael up and down, dismissing his wardrobe. “I was busy” Michael answered unsure of what he was supposed to say. He’d promised Brian he wouldn’t say anything about Justin. Brian jumped in to the rescue. “Mikey and I were slaying dragons, rescuing maidens in distress things like that.” “You mean Princesses, not maidens.” Michael snorted. “That too.” “Why, you guys going to help next weekend?” Michael addressed his question to both Ted and Emmett. “No, I think I’d rather watch some paint dry.” Michael looked at Brian out of the corner of his eye. Brian sat at the table looking reflective and Michael knew he was thinking of Justin. sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss Journal February 2000 I can’t believe it’s almost Justin’s birthday and this is the first chance I’ve had to sit down and write about life since I returned with Mikey from Montreal. I never thought the day would come when I would rush home from Woody’s to be in a quiet private place when Justin phoned. He calls each night at ten and we talk about our day. And then we talk about each other. His insight is amazing, somehow talking to him calms me. I have told him things that I’d hidden away in my subconscious for years. His quiet gentle questioning, the fact that he genuinely cares, shines through, it makes me want to open up to him. I know I can trust him with all of me. I teased him the other night that he’s probably causing some shrink somewhere to have to downsize because Brian Kinney won’t be requiring his services, he has Justin Taylor to thank for that. He laughed and said I had myself to thank. He’s just the guy who loves me and loves me to tell him stories about my life. And I do, I tell him things that I’ve never told anyone, things I’ve never even admitted to anyone including my self until I had those wide blue eyes filled with love watching me. I want to do something special for his birthday, something he’ll always remember. He isn’t expecting much of anything because I was just there. But his birthday and Valentines Day are so close together I have to do something. Now that’s a first, Brian Kinney worrying about Valentines Day and his boyfriend’s birthday. But I have a plan, and I think he’ll like it. sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss Justin walked out of Concordia into a blustery winter day. He pulled his wool scarf up over his mouth and nose, and his winter toque down low over his forehead. Only is blue eyes were showing when he shouldered his portfolio and hunched into the wind whistling down the city street. It was almost dark and the snow felt like ice particles rather than the fluffy stuff of post cards. He waved goodbye to two friends who were heading off in the other direction and turned to make his way to the bus stop. When he turned he walked directly into the chest of a tall man who smelled familiar. Blue eyes looked up into laughing hazel ones and he was wrapped in a warm bear hug by the man he loved. “Brian, what are you doing here?” he asked, his voice muffled by the scarf. “I’m picking you up from school little boy.” “Hey, I’m not so little, old man.” Brian pulled the scarf down, revealing the full red lips; he bent and touched his to them, his touch like cool velvet. “I’ve come to take you away for your birthday and Valentines Day all rolled up in one.” “Really, we’re going somewhere for my birthday?” Justin was excited that Brian was doing this. He never expected to see the auburn haired man this soon after the rescue from the clutches of his father’s henchmen. Brian took the portfolio off of Justin’s shoulders and hoisted it on his own. “Come with me brat, we haven’t a lot of time. I need to be back at work on Monday morning.” He linked his arm with Justin’s and began to hurry him across the snow blown street in the direction of a parking lot. Brian hadn’t been gone long from the SUV, but already it was snow covered. He used the remote starter to get the heat going before they were up to the car, earning himself a grin of approval from his snow covered blonde. He opened the door and let Justin in, kissing his cold nose before he hurried to the driver’s side. Justin noticed the cases in the back seat. “You haven’t been to the apartment yet?” he asked. “Been there already, I’ve packed for you.” Brian smiled. The city streets were almost deserted on this stormy Friday afternoon. He turned out onto the roadway and began to make his way out of the city. Soon the city lights were behind them, the road conditions were bad, but the SUV with its four wheel drive moved through the drifting snow steadily into the country side. Justin’s stomach rumbled over the sounds of the CD playing and Brian laughed. “There’s a bag in the back with a sandwich and some cookies for you. Maude and Vic both insisted I take something. They were sure you wouldn’t last until we reached our destination.” Justin reached back for the bag and soon was happily eating his sandwich. He persuaded Brian to eat two of the cookies then had to listen to him bitch about the cookie crumbs on his black wool jacket. Justin ignored him and tried to see the country side through the snow. Mysterious names were appearing on the road signs as they made their way into the Eastern Townships of Quebec. Names like Coaticook, Cowansville, Magog, appeared on the signs indicating distances. The road was full of steep hills and sharp curves, they hugged the side of a mountain for a few miles, Justin was becoming sleepy when he saw a sign pointing the way to the Vermont border. “Hey, we’re almost in Vermont.” He declared. “Almost, Sunshine.” Brian said and he smiled. “Are we going to Vermont?” he asked “No, not today.” Brian began to climb a steep road. Justin could tell he was looking for something. He heard Brian sigh with relief, and then turn into a long driveway. They finally reached a well lit parking area. A lodge lay ahead of them. “You wait here. I’m going to check us in” Brian said. He did his jacket up against the chill wind and disappeared into the lobby of a large log building. Soon he was back with a key and a smile. He hopped in and drove them down a narrow road until; finally they parked in front of a small log cabin, its windows ablaze with light. “The owners were expecting us and have everything ready.” Brian said to Justin’s enquiry. Both of the carried the bags into the cabin. A cheery fire blazed in the fireplace. Justin could see a four poster bed piled high with warm quilts, a small love seat, and a tiny kitchen in the large open room. He began to explore until he located the bathroom. It was nothing special except for the claw footed tub that would hold two or more. He opened the door to allow some of the fireplace heat into the small room. Brian stood back and watched him. Justin looked up and met the laughing hazel eyes. “This is so cool, like we’re in the early part of the century. There’s no telephone, no television, just you and me and a big old bed.” He grinned and began to remove his clothes, his pale body shimmering in the flickering firelight. Brian watched as long as he could and finally after what seemed like hours, gave in and stalked toward his ivory angel. “You forgot to mention, no pestering friends, no damn cat, and no beady eyed bear.” He pulled Justin in close. “Even with this fireplace I think we’d better get our asses under those quilts. Lets make our own heat.” Justin didn’t need any further invitation. He pulled the quilts back and snuggled quickly into the soft warmth of flannel sheets. He patted the mattress, “what are you waiting for old guy?” he teased. Brian lunged at him, his cock already erect and willing to show Justin that the ‘old guy’ was full of life. sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss The next day they woke to a magical winter wonderland. They were in a cabin on Mount Owl’s Head and the snow laid pristine all around them. Majestic maples, their leaves gone for the winter loomed over the small cabin. Justin found scene after scene he wanted to sketch. There were moments he was sure he was on sensory overload. For lunch Brian persuaded him to hike up the side of the mountain. The trail was well marked and even in the winter, it was a relatively easy hike. At the head of the trail was a small wooden sign indicating a look out. Justin scrambled over the gigantic rocks and finally stood on top. He was afraid to breath it was such an amazing sight. Brian joined him and put his arm around the young man. They stood in silence staring out into the void that was in front of them. Brian looked down at Justin, his breath puffs of smoke in the cold winter air. “That lake is Lac Memphremagog, it’s a first nations word meaning great stretch of water. It’s in Canada and the United States.” He pointed out into the distance. “See that cluster of buildings” they’re in Vermont.” “I’d like to go there some day.” Justin said. He looked at Brian “with you.” Brian’s arm tightened around Justin. “I think I’d like that too.” He said. The words ‘to be married’ unspoken between them. Coming down the trail and heading back to the cabin provided both of them with a degree of fun and adventure. Going up the mountain, their footing was sure, coming down, they both spent a good part of the down time on their butts, sliding along the trail. Justin laughing at the indignant Brian until they both tumbled the final few feet toward the parking lot together. Ending with Justin sitting on Brian’s chest as Brian lay in the deep snow. Justin bent forward and kissed the cold nose and lips, warming Brian up on the inside. Things might have heated up even further except for the arrival of a busload of school children ready for a day of skiing. They had lunch in the lodge then went back to their cozy cabin to regroup. Brian had a surprise for their evening’s entertainment. They shed their clothes as soon as they closed the outside door of the cabin, and raced for the large bath. A hot steamy, bath full of laughter and loving kept them busy for almost an hour. Justin wanted to move their activities to the bed and once again they found themselves under a warm bunch of quilts. Brian snuggled his head against Justin’s chest, the strong arm of his lover holding him close. He lay there listening to the beat of Justin’s heart and mid sentence he drifted off to sleep. Justin continued to hold him, placing gentle and tender kisses on the silky strands of hair that kept drifting up over his chin and tickling his nose until he too fell asleep. sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss To: bakinney@ryder.com From: jtaylor@hotmail.com Subject: Birthdays and Valentines Day Most of the guy in my class were in the cafeteria today. I was hoping one of them would ask about the weekend. I didn’t want to look like I was bragging and finally one of them did and I got to tell them all about my awesome weekend with my boyfriend. I showed them the sketch I did of the Haskell Opera House in the twin towns of Rock Island, Quebec and Derby Line, Vermont. It was so cool sitting in the United States and watching the play in Canada. I mean how cool is that? The Saint-Benoit-Du-Lac, the Benedictine Abbey was great and Vic and Rosaire both love the ermite cheese that you bought for them from the monks. Of course Vic was impressed that you actually were in a monastery. He said he wished that he had a picture of that. I didn’t tell him that I did. I kind of like the thought of locking you into a monastery. (grin) But knowing you, the poor monks wouldn’t stand a chance. On a nice happy note. I received my marks for this semester and with my extra projects and papers that I handed in. I’ve loped off three months from next year. If the summer goes as planned that means your Christmas present this year will be me driving you crazy in the loft full time. Justin (thinking of ways to drive you crazy) PS (what are the immigration rules about cats) PPS (see – already I’m starting to drive you crazy) sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss “Hey Brian, do you want to go to Babylon for your birthday?” Michael slid into the booth at the diner with his friend. “I might go to Babylon, but not because it’s my birthday.” Brian looked over at his friend. “I think by now you know I don’t do birthdays.” Michael helped himself to one of Brian’s fries. “Like you didn’t go back to the great white north for Justin’s birthday.” Brian glared at him and didn’t say anything. Michael knew when to be quiet. He ate another fry. Brian slapped his hand. “Get your own” but he sat back and pushed the plate away. It had been too long since he’d seen Justin last. Work had been a bitch and he couldn’t get away, not if he wanted to have six weeks with his partner in the summer. His nightly phone calls with Justin were becoming more and more frustrating because he knew that he wouldn’t see him until the end of June. He’d checked his schedule a dozen times that very day to see if he could fit in another long weekend, but with four new clients and some whiny old clients, he couldn’t spare the time. He knew he was taking his frustration out on Cynthia and that was why he was sitting in the diner at lunch. He’d had to get out of the office before he exploded. He looked at his friend. “Look Mikey, I’ll meet you there after ten.” “We could meet at Woody’s first after work” Michael suggested. “No, I have a late meeting tonight at the office and then I need some time to shower and dress.” Brian looked up at the clock on the wall. “I need to get back to the office. I’ll see you later.” Michael moved out of the way and Brian threw some bills on the table and left. He walked to the jeep deep in thought. He hadn’t been to Babylon for weeks; maybe after he talked to Justin tonight at ten, he would go out, but not because it was his birthday. He thought of last year’s birthday surprise, Justin dancing with him and taking him up to the hotel room for some amazing birthday sex. He kicked the tires of his jeep in a fit of temper that he couldn’t be with Justin. He got behind the wheel and sat still for a moment wondering when birthdays had started to mean anything to him. When had they ceased to be just another day? sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss I’d cross the desert to be where you are All the things I’d do to be close to you A million miles wouldn’t seem that far I’d go anywhere just to win your heart Brian looked at the stairs and decided to take the elevator. He could use the exercise, but he was just too damn tired. He’d returned from lunch at the diner to chaos in the office. He’d managed to it almost straightened out when the clients he was to meet arrived early. Cynthia managed to keep them entertained while he regrouped. Last year’s birthday kept surfacing in his mind and the lack of Justin for this year’s. He pulled himself together finally but the meeting had lasted later than he’d planned. He was tired, hungry and in a foul mood. He needed Justin. If he’d had the strength he would have thrown a bag together and been on the next plane to Montreal. I need love The kind of love that makes you want to live The kind that makes you wanna breathe The kind that makes you feel too much And I need you To help me find a better way And I guess you’d never thought you’d hear me say I need love I need love He could smell something delicious when he got off the elevator and his stomach growled. He’d had nothing to eat since the partially eaten lunch at the diner. He was slightly envious of his neighbor’s dinner. He turned his key in the lock and pulled open the door. He stood there in shock. Dozens of candles were lit all over the loft. The table was set with his best china and silver. A bottle of wine uncorked and breathing, a birthday cake sat on the island, its white frosting swirled. Standing by the stove stirring a pot was Justin. He looked over at Brian and grinned. And when I see you I just lose my mind You’re the everything I thought I’d never find Must be an angel watching over me With a little luck we’re going to make you mine. ‘Cause I want to believe, I want to believe, In all we can be. Brian dropped his briefcase and held out his arms. Justin ran and jumped into them wrapping his legs around Brian’s waist. Both of them started to laugh as they kissed each other. “Happy birthday, old man” Justin said between kisses. I need love The kind that makes you want to live The kind that makes you want to breath The kind that makes you feel too much And I need you To help me find a better way Brian held him close. “I can’t believe you’re here.” He blinked back tears, “I’m so glad to see you, to hold you.” He kissed the warm lips. “You didn’t tell me you were coming. I could have met your plane.” And I guess you’d never thought you’d hear me say I need love I need love “If I’d told you I was coming then it would have spoiled the birthday surprise.” Justin said reasonably. “Now give me your coat. You have time for a quick shower before supper.” And oh, I will catch you when you fall Be the greatest love of all I promise to be If you give me what I need, I need “To hell with supper, I’d rather eat you.” “Not after all the work I’ve gone to. Go get wet and naked” Justin brushed his cheek with his lips. “This is your birthday and you’re going to follow the program and have fun.” He grinned up at Brian. “Now I remember why I dodn’t do birthdays” Brian grumbled on his way to the shower, but it’s hard to grumble when you’re smiling. And I need you To help me find a better way And I guess you never thought you’d hear me say I need love, I need love I need love, baby I need love Lyrics from Laura Pausini