Suddenly It's Summer "Hello" "Is this Justin Taylor?" "Yes" "Hi Justin, this is Cynthia, Brian's assistant. Sorry to bother you, but the only number I could find in Brian's Rolodex for you was your cell number. Justin, can you meet me for lunch today or tomorrow. I thought maybe the MacDonald's near the campus if that's alright." "Sure, but what's this all about?" "I'd really like to talk to you in person." "Is today OK Cynthia, I can meet you there at twelve thirty?" "Great Justin, meet you then and thanks." Justin hung up the phone. "I wonder why Cynthia wants to meet me for lunch?" he thought. The rest of his morning Cynthia's short conversation replayed in his mind over and over. Justin walked into the MacDonald's and looked around. A tall good looking blonde woman walked over to him. "Hi, you must be Justin, I've seen your picture in Brian's office often enough, you look more handsome in person." She smiled at him. "I'm Cynthia, Brian's assistant. I already ordered lunch, I remember Brian talking to Michael about how much you love to eat so I hope I ordered enough." She led him over to a table in the corner, a ridiculous amount of food piled on a tray in the center. "I asked you here because I know that Brian would never come here for lunch. I really need this conversation to be between you and I." "Is there some kind of problem with Brian, you know we aren't living together anymore?" "Justin, can I ask you a personal question? This is important to me and to the rest of the employees at Vangard." "I suppose" Justin was puzzled by Cynthia's request. "Do you still love Brian?" she hesitated "I mean love him enough to rekindle your relationship with him?" Justin heard Cynthia's words as if they were uttered from a long distance. He could feel the pricking of tears behind his eyes. "I never stopped loving Brian, and I don't suppose I ever will." He answered in a soft voice. "I don't think Brian thought of us as having a relationship." "Actually he did think of you as his partner. He's had you on his extended health care and medical plan at work for months. He had you listed as his partner. The other day when the Insurance Company sent the annual form confirming each employee's status and benefits, he signed his without changing anything. So he still, at least as far as the company is concerned considers you his partner." "He did that?" Justin's voice cracked with emotion. "He did" Cynthia reached over and held Justin's hand. "Look, Brian has been driving us all nuts since the two of you split. He's working seven days a week and twelve and fourteen hours a day. I know he isn't eating properly and he rarely even gets out to the gym anymore. The trouble with all the hours he's putting in is he expects one of us to be there to do his bidding. Frankly Justin, as much as I love the man, I do have a life outside of Vangard." Justin giggled "Brian has been at work? He hasn't been out tricking or at the clubs?" "Justin, he would be dead if he'd tried to go to the clubs as well as put in these hours." She smiled "Even the great Brian Kinney couldn't do both." "I can't stop him from working, I mean he doesn't even talk to me anymore." "Are you doing anything for Thanksgiving?" "Actually, nothing in particular, I have the whole weekend and the next week as well off" Justin looked sad as he thought of what he'd had planned with Brian when he had originally made the time off arrangements. "Brian has rented a Chalet in the mountains for that time frame. I'm supposed to drive up there on Thursday and make sure it's stocked with food" "Really?" "Yes, even Brian finally realized he wasn't indestructible. He over heard one of the reception temps ask who the older tired looking guy was." Justin burst out laughing. "I wish I could have seen his face." "Well, I don't know about his face but he was a bitch to work for the rest of the day" even Cynthia had to giggle. "The next day he came in and handed me the ad for the Chalet, told me to book one and stock it with enough food and supplies for one person for seven days." Justin looked at her enquiringly. Cynthia looked embarrassed. "If you wanted some time alone with Brian, to maybe talk things out - with no one interrupting, this would be perfect. I could take you shopping on Thursday morning for food, you could pick out what you need, I imagine you'll end up doing most of the cooking. I would drive you and the food up there in the afternoon and you'd have time to get everything ready for his majesty." He sat there staring at his hands trying to take in everything Cynthia had said. His hands always seemed so empty without the slender bronzed fingers of Brian threaded through them. The silence was heavy while Justin turned this idea over. "What if he doesn't love me anymore? His voice almost a whisper, he hated to tempt fate by saying the words out loud. "Justin, honey, I've worked closely with Brian for almost seven years. In all that time you were the only one to put that certain spring in his step. He smiled and laughed. He brought treats for all the girls and guys in the office. He would sit and daydream and stare at your picture for hours." "We all knew when there was trouble in paradise, the temper tantrums returned. You know he won't talk about his private life with anyone, but we could tell." "Justin", Cynthia's voice was hushed. "I caught him crying last week. He'd been reading about your show in the paper. I walked in with some papers for him to sign and he was crying. Oh he said it was allergies, but the pain in his eyes told me a different story." "He's more than a boss to me Justin. I love him like a brother. I'd do anything for him and it's breaking my heart seeing him in this kind of pain." Watching the emotions play across Cynthia's face as she spoke, made Justin's decision easy. He smiled a watery smile "Well, the worse he could do is fire your ass and kill me. Let's do it." ********************************************************************** Thursday Evening: Brian left Pittsburgh early Thursday evening. He was going to leave Friday morning, but the thought of one more night on the couch in the empty loft was more than he could stand. Last Thanksgiving Justin had been running around planning elaborate desserts to serve with the turkey. This year he was probably doing it with the banjo player. He didn't think it would last long, this banjo player, but he knew Justin needed to live a life away from Brian Kinney, first love, despoiler of virgins, arrogant prick, asshole. He needed to see what it was like with others before he could settle down to one man. He was half an hour from Pittsburgh when soft flakes of snow began to fall. By the time he turned off the main highway to begin the switch back climb up the mountain toward the Chalets, the glistening black pavement was covered with a soft layer of snow. The snow fell thicker and now was being whipped by a cold northern wind. As the altitude increased so did the snow fall, what was white and fluffy was now driving clumps of snow thrown against his windshield so thick and fast his wipers could barely keep up. He could barely see ten feet in front of him and what he could see was drifting. The Jeep hit them, slowly plowing through each drift. Brian turned a bend in the road to face the blinding blue and red flash of a State Trooper. A road barrier had been erected closing the road. The Trooper walked to Brian's Jeep. "Mr. Kinney?" he asked. "That's me" "Peter Jenson, the Chalet owner told me he was expecting you. You're lucky; I've just closed the road. I'll let you around the barrier, you only have about a mile to go and you'll see the lights in the Chalet. I wouldn't advise trying to drive anymore in this. It's not expected to let up for at least twenty four hours." "It snow like this often?" "Off and on each winter. Don't worry, the plows will be out in a couple of days and clear the road. If the phone lines go down it isn't usually for more than a week." He peered into the back of Brian's Jeep at his luggage. "Hope you have some warm clothes there Mr. Kinney, the temperature has dropped ten degrees since supper time and it's expected to get colder." "My plan for the week is to stay away from phones and sit and relax, but thanks for the heads up." As Brian slowly crawled forward in four wheel drive, easing his way through the drifting snow he realized that night travel wasn't probably the best idea. There were no street lights out here on the side of the mountain and it was damn dark. Only the snow swirling in his head lights reflected any kind of light. The last mile of driving through the snow shrouded trees seemed to take forever. He breathed a sigh of relief when he spotted the lights in the Chalet window. He parked the Jeep against a large drift and manhandled his suitcase out of the back fighting the wind and the snow for possession of his Jeep's door. He stomped up the snow covered steps until he stood on the long veranda. He was about to unlock the door when it opened. The first thing he saw was a welcoming fire, he could smell beef barley soup and fresh bread, the growling in his belly told him that it had been a long time since his last latte, his food of choice lately. A blonde head peeked around the door. "Good evening Mr. Kinney, my name is Justin Taylor, your assistant Cynthia suggested that you might be able to use some companionship for the week." He handed Brian a folded piece of paper. "She asked that you read this before you jump to any conclusions." Dear Boss: What if you met a beautiful blonde boy for the first time away from all the distractions in Pittsburgh? He's never met you before and you've never met him. Would you use the opportunity to get to know one another without any preconceived notions from any previous existence? Cynthia Brian put his suitcase down on the small rug by the door. He looked at Justin and could see that Justin was nervous. He sighed, he'd like to strangle Cynthia and Justin both but he'd play along with them for the time being. "Hello Justin, glad to meet you" "I made some soup for supper. I thought you might be hungry. All this snow makes me hungry and soup is great for a cold day" Justin barely paused for breath "Talkative bugger are you." Brian said as he walked through the room and deposited his bag on a chair at the foot of the bed. "Let me change in something more relaxing and I'll try out your supper. You realize that I'm used to having my food made by someone who is an excellent cook. I hope you come up to his standards." Justin could barely hide his grin at the complement. He hurried to the table and set out the fresh rolls and garden salad he'd made. He tossed the salad with his raspberry vinaigrette dressing and then sprinkled sunflower seeds over the top of the salad. He ladled out the soup into the large dinner soup bowls lit the candles and turned down the lighting in the room until only the fireplace and the candles offered any light. "Kind of dark in here." Muttered Brian as he walked back into the room, dressed in his jeans, button at the top open, soft t-shirt molded to his hard chest, feet bare. "Sometimes, when you are sharing a meal with someone for the first time, soft indirect lighting allows both participants to feel more at ease and therefore they are able to converse without being self-conscious." "Whatever kid" Brian sat down at the table and helped himself to the salad. He reached for a hot roll savoring the smell. "There's fresh butter Brian. I found a terrific organic market." Brian smiled his acknowledgement and accepted the butter. "So kid, you like to cook do you?" "Sometimes, if I have someone to cook for, I don't cook anything fancy if it's just me." "This soup is amazing, it reminds me of something my Grandmother used to make when I was a kid. She lived on a farm outside of Pittsburgh and I would go there occasionally after school. I'd get to ride on the school bus with the rest of the country kids. I'd pretend I lived there." Brian couldn't believe he'd just said that. "It's my Grandmother's recipe. It was in a Church cookbook she bought once. A Mrs. O'Nalley submitted it. We used to have it all the time when I was a kid. Grandma and I would look through the book and make up interesting stories about the ladies who had their recipes in the book. Mrs. O'Nalley had lots of recipes for winter day meals. Wait until you try her chicken stew with dumplings. Grandma Taylor said it was better than her own grandmother's." Justin jumped up from the table and brought over an old and much used cookbook. St. Mary's Ladies Aid was the title. Brian picked it up and looked at the date it was published, nineteen fifty two. He turned the book over and noticed a group shot of all the women in the Ladies Aid group. His grandmother, looking young and fresh faced stared back at him from the second row. "Grandma Taylor gave me the cook book just before she died. She said the recipes were full of love and that I couldn't do any better than the ones in this book." Brian, his cheeks flushed, held the page up for Justin to see. "That's Mrs. O'Nalley," his finger pointing to a tall woman with laughing eyes. "That was my Grandmother, my mother's mother." Justin got up from his place and moved closer to Brian. He picked up the book and looked carefully where Brian had been pointing. "Wow Brian, you have the same hair and I bet if we could see her eyes they'd be the same too. See how the shape is exactly like yours" Brian could smell that wonderful Justin smell of Lavender shampoo as Justin's head bent down near his while he looked at the picture. "It must be fate that my favorite recipes were your grandmother's. He looked into Brian's eyes, his blue ones full of wonder and delight. Brian couldn't help but smile back. "It must be fate Justin. What ever it is I'm glad you have the book". Justin sat back in his chair. He knew more now about Brian's past than he had ever known before. This was a great idea of Cynthia's. Brian, remembering all the wonderful visits with his grandmother when he was younger felt warm inside. He decided to continue with the charade. "Justin, what brings you here this Thanksgiving, didn't you have plans with your ban-I mean family or friends?" Justin's eyes narrowed a bit, he'd caught the reference to Ethan, even though Brian had done an excellent save. "The man I love threw me off a cliff a couple of months ago and I haven't managed to learn how to do without him, especially during holidays. I mean we never actually spent many holidays together, but that's because we hadn't known each other long, only a couple of years." "Through you off a cliff? Did you fall long and hard, were you injured? Did you press charges?" "It was a euphemism Brian, he's kind of an arrogant bastard and is under the delusion that he knows what's best for people. He couldn't admit he loved me, at least not to himself. He told me a thousand different ways, but he could never admit it to himself so he got this bright idea that it would be better if I moved on." "Perhaps he thought you had already moved on. Maybe he had been told that you had found someone who could love you and actually say the words." "Just because I had found someone to love me and could admit it didn't mean that I loved that somebody back. It only meant that I had a harder time dealing with the fact that the man I loved didn't want to admit it to himself." Justin jumped up from the table and began to clear away the dishes. "Any way, it really doesn't matter, all that is over and done with. I'm a happy little gay boy, who goes to college, studies, works, eats and sleeps. When I'm finished school in three more years I figure that I'll have deadened off my heart well enough to maybe be able to walk down the street and see a tall auburn haired man without me having palpitations." Brian began to help Justin clean the kitchen. He was silent as he mulled over what Justin had said. When they were finally done he opened a beer and sat on the sofa in front of the fireplace. "Sit down with me Justin, watch the fire and relax" Justin walked over and sat down on the far end of the sofa. He was sure that Brian could hear the hard beating of his heart as he settled back into the softness of the down sofa cushions. He could see Brian looking at him, but he steadfastly refused to look back instead he watched the fire and allowed it to hypnotize him into a feeling of security. To Justin's surprise, Brian shifted himself and lay his head in Justin's lap. He closed his eyes for a moment the heat of the fireplace relaxing his tired body. Justin's left hand reached out and smoothed back the silky auburn hair from Brian's forehead. Justin watched it as if he had no control over the errant hand. He shut his eyes so that he could focus on the silky strands as they flowed through and over his fingers. He'd missed this kind of quiet moment with Brian more than he had realized. "Brian" asked Justin softly. "What's your definition of love?" "You mean brotherly love?" "No, I don't know, just love" "Well, when I think of Michael, or Emmett I know I love them. I like being with them and I know that either of them would be there for me if I needed them. I know I would do anything for either of them. When I think of Gus, I feel the love a father feels for his son. Something I never imagined I would ever feel. I love Lindsey like a sister and Debbie like a mother. Vic I've always wished could have been my father, I love him like I know I was supposed to love my father but never could. But, when I think of the man that I love, that's a different kind of love all together. It's all love wrapped into one. I think about him night and day. I agonize over what he's doing without me. I hurt when I think of him with someone else. I dream about him. My arms ache to hold him so badly some nights I can't sleep. I guess romantic love is painful, that's what my definition of love is." The two men continued to stare into the fire. Brian, his head on Justin's lap, Justin's fingers soothing away the hurt he'd been feeling. Justin, his fingers unconsciously stroking Brian's hair accepting solace in the touch of silk. "When I think of what love means to me," Justin began "I think of how I feel about Molly and my mother. I think about my dad and Debbie and Vic. The love I feel for them all is a kind of comforting love, an always-there kind of love. My love for Daphne and even Ethan" Justin felt Brian stiffen at Ethan's name. "My love for Daphne and Ethan is probably the kind of love you feel for Michael. You know that you would do anything for them and they would do anything for you. But the love I feel for the man of my dreams, well, that's altogether different. When I'm away from him I live but I don't. When I see him unexpectedly I breathe but I don't. When he touches me my heart beats and it stops. It's a love full of contradictions. What he doesn't seem to realize is that whatever he feels, sadness, sorrow, pain and joy and happiness, whatever he feels, I feel as well." The silence in the room was heavy. Only the crackle of the fireplace was louder than the steady beat of the two bruised hearts. Justin looked down at the man he loved, his eyes traced the shape of his face, memorizing the soft relaxed look, the dark full lashes resting on his cheek, and the full lips that he knew would taste as sweet as berries. He could feel his heart beat steady and strong, and then almost stop when a flush of the pleasure/pain that was his love for Brian rushed through his body. The mantra 'I love you' repeated in his mind over and over until it became white noise. The two of them continued to sit until the fire burned down to embers. Brian sat up "The fire's down, let's go to bed." He stood up and offered his hand to Justin. Justin looked up into the hazel eyes that were speaking volumes and smiled and took Brian's hand. They walked in silence to the bedroom. For once in their relationship the silence was comforting, they used the bathroom then climbed into bed both of them going to their familiar sides. Brian lay on his back for a few minutes then reached over wrapped his arm around Justin, pulling him close. He kissed the back of Justin's head. "Good night Justin" Justin shut his eyes allowing his body to relax against Brian's. Allowing the protective comfort of his lover’s strong arms envelope him. "Night Brian." Both of them felt relaxed for the first time in months and it was only minutes before they succumbed to sleep. Friday - 7:30am The first thing Brian sensed was the wonderful smell of a warm sleepy boy. He could feel the steady movement of his body as he slept. The air outside the cocoon of comforters was frosty cold, but underneath the warmth of their bodies wrapped together provided enough heat to be more than comforting. Brian couldn't remember when he had felt so relaxed. He opened his eyes to that eerie glow that only happens after a deep snowfall. The room reflected a natural blue light from the snow shadows. The snow was covering the patio door almost to the top, the window ledges deep with snow. Brian could see through the top of the window that it was still falling, slowly drifting down from the gray sky. And even though he woke with his usual morning hard on, he was reluctant to disturb the man sleeping in his arms. He allowed himself the luxury of feeling the warm body against his, of feeling the love he had for Justin, allowing it to engulf him, no walls, no barriers, just love for the man he held. He allowed these feelings to wash over him until he felt the prickle of tears. Justin rolled over in Brian's arms, eyes shut. His lips drawn to Brian's as if they were magnetized began to kiss and taste the man he loved. Brian watched in amazement, Justin was sleeping. He'd never heard of anyone making love in his sleep, but Brian was a willing accomplice. Justin's hands began to caress Brian's arms and rub circles on his back. Brian returned the kisses that were becoming more intense with passion. Justin molded his body against Brian's, their cocks rubbing together, both of them hard as rocks and dripping pre cum. Justin's mouth began to drift lower down Brian's neck, kissing and tasting, his teeth gently nibbling. Brian began to hear a steady noise coming from Justin. At first he thought he was moaning, or even purring, but he began to realize it was the lightly whispered words "I love you" being repeated over and over. Brian wanted to reach down to his throbbing cock but he didn't want to remove his arms from around Justin, instead he allowed the intensity to build as Justin moved slowly against his body, rocking with exquisite pleasure, their cocks dueling for release. Justin moved his lips back to Brian's, his whispers never stopping, when his tongue met Brian's the spark of electricity that their passion had ignited touched off an orgasm that rippled through both of their bodies, the spasms creating waves of pleasure. Justin never woke, but instead snuggled his head under Brian's chin, his body even closer to Brian's the sticky sweetness of their cum drying in the warmth under the covers. He lay in the cold dawn light, his arms still around his sleeping lover. He replayed the lovemaking, and he had to call it that. You could only do something like what had just happened with someone you love. In this small Chalet, covered in snow Brian could feel the healing of his heart and soul in the breath of the man who lay trusting in his arms. He shut his eyes and once again gave in to sleep. Friday - 11:30 am Justin's eyes opened, he felt completely renewed. Brian's arms were around him, he basked in the warmth and safety the strong arms gave him. He could sense that Brian still slept, but he knew that once he began moving Brian would wake up. He could see the pulse spot at the base of his neck and resisted as long as he could then softly kissed it. Sure enough, Brian's arms held on a little tighter and he began to wake up. Brian moved his head and touched his cold nose to Justin's forehead. "Good morning Baby" he smiled, remembering the first time he'd awakened this morning, he glanced at the clock beside the bed "looks like we both slept in." "It's cold in here" Justin hated to move but he had to go to the bathroom. "I have to piss, and I bet you do too. We may freeze on the way." He hesitated, should he tell Justin about their little interlude this morning? "Come on if we do it fast, it won't hurt as much" he teased, and then threw back the warm covers and sprinted toward the bathroom. Justin's outraged squeal followed him and he chuckled as he stood in front of the toilet to be joined by Justin who couldn't wait his turn. Both men grinned at each other as they finished off, flushed and quickly turned the water on to wash their hands. "I'm hoping there's lots of hot water 'cause we need to shower" Brian looked at Justin's belly and then his own, both covered in flaky dried cum. He smiled to himself as Justin took in the state of their bellies wonder showing in his eyes. "Geeze Brian, did I do that or did you?" "Let's just say your wet dreams are nice when you share them." Brian reached over and turned on the shower. He stepped in and held the door open wordlessly inviting Justin to join him. Justin picked up the soap he'd placed there yesterday and began to wash Brian's back. Brian stood there under the spray loving the attention, he turned and took the soap from Justin and returned the favor, they continued to take turns washing each other, both choosing to ignore the obvious signs of arousal that was bobbing in front of each of them. When the water began to run cold they stepped out each grabbing a towel. "Too cold to run around with only a towel in here Brian" said Justin as he grabbed a clean pair of sweat pants and pulled on a warm hoodie. "Your thin WASP blood says it's too cold but to a hearty Irishman this is like summer." He grinned at Justin and began to look for the coffee. "I don't suppose you are going to cook me breakfast?" "Your wish is my command Mr. Kinney. I was planning on blueberry pancakes, sausage, fresh squeezed orange juice and coffee." "I'll sit here and watch." "You could set the table" "I could, but then you'd feel sad and left out that you couldn't wait on me." "Get your ass over here Kinney and set the table." "Yes, Sir" Brian stood up and saluted; as he passed Justin in the small kitchen he bent down and kissed him. His reward for the moment of affection was the deep flush that infused Justin's face. Brian wandered over to the fireplace and began another fire. Justin had a hard time concentrating on making breakfast while catching glimpses of Brian’s hard body squatting in front of the fireplace as he carefully laid the logs. “Uh, Brian, you want to get dressed soon?” “I’m not cold” “No, but you’re making me too hot.” Justin grinned “put some damn clothes on” “Mission accomplished Sunshine” thought Brian as he obediently headed to the bedroom to put on his clothes. Justin turned on the radio set to a local station. He finished setting the table shaking his head at Brian’s feeble efforts. “Breakfast is ready” he called. Justin sat down and it was all he could do not to giggle as he watched a ravenous Brian eat the hearty breakfast. Brian who usually picked at his food and moved it around but rarely actually ate any, finished off his own breakfast and began to steal things off of Justin’s plate as the two of them talked and joked about family and friends. Justin watching Brian unconsciously helping himself to another sausage while he spun a tale of adventure that he and Michael had when they were fourteen, was so full of happiness he thought he’d float away. When the last bite was eaten and the last of the coffee gone, Brian began to clear the table all the while talking to Justin. To hear him tell this story with so much abandon brought tears to Justin’s eyes. He’d never in the whole time he’d known Brian, ever seen him so relaxed. “It’s still snowing” observed Brian peering through the frosted front window. “Did you happen to catch the weather report?” “Yep, the snow is expected to continue until at least tomorrow” “I’m going to go out and shovel the front porch and maybe a path to the Jeep.” “I’ll start supper, I’m making an Irish stew, and it’s going to take a few hours in a slow oven. As soon as it’s ready I’ll come and join you.” Brian looked wonderful as usual as he bundled up in his winter coat. He was about to leave when Justin said. “Wait Brian, I have something for you.” He ran into the bedroom and pulled a soft cashmere scarf the color of autumn leaves out of his bag. He walked over and put it around Brian’s neck, unzipping his jacket and tucking it inside. “I bought this for my ex-boyfriend, you know the one I’m trying to put behind me. I saw it last week and the colors reminded me of his eyes when we made love, flashing greens and gold’s.” “If he’s your ex why did you buy it?” “Just because he’s my ex doesn’t mean that I don’t love him and think about him all the time. I was going to have his son give it to him. I knew he’d wear it if his son gave it to him as a gift.” Justin eyes looked far away “If ever we would meet and he was wearing it, I’d feel like a part of me was with him.” His voice dropped to a whisper. Brian put his gloved hand under Justin’s chin and tilted it up “Thank you for the scarf. He would have worn it without you having to use subterfuge and have his son give it to him. He would have liked to have a part of you with him.” Brian let his lips brush Justin’s, he gave him a rye smile and went out the door. Justin hugged the words to himself as he bustled around the kitchen preparing their evening meal. He finally had the stew together and in the oven. Brian had worked his way down to the Jeep and was leaning against it smoking. He looked up and smiled when Justin stepped out on the porch. “Hey, you missed all the work Sunshine.” He called. Justin looked up at the gray sky, the snow falling steadily, “Looks like I’ll only have to wait a few minutes and do it all over again.” He pick up some snow off the porch rail and made a snow ball, aiming for Brian’s chest he managed to smack him in the face with the soft ball of snow. “You are sooooo going to get yours Sonny Boy” Brian laughed as he brushed the snow off of himself. He put out the cigarette and began to chase Justin. The snow was far too deep for them to make any kind of speed and they only managed to get to the back of the Chalet when Brian caught up to Justin. He scooped him up and threw him out into a large drift laughing as Justin sunk below the surface of the fluffy snow. Justin came up sputtering and laughing at the same time. “No fair, you threw me not the snow” “All’s fair in love and war Sunshine, didn’t you ever hear that old saying?” “Yeah I did. You notice you aren’t alone this week Mr. Kinney sir?” Brian had to laugh at that. “Hey, look, a hot tub on our bedroom balcony.” He trudged through the snow toward the steaming tub. “Looks like they keep it on” he looked back a Justin trying unsuccessfully to wade through the deep drift. “I know where I’m going to be tonight after supper.” He started to laugh as Justin fell face forward into the snow “Come on Sunny Boy, let Big Bad help you” his long legs carried him to Justin in only a few strides. He lifted him out of the snow and helped him to brush off his face. “You’re going to have to excuse this, but I can’t help myself” he said to Justin. He cradled Justin in his arms and began to kiss his ruby red lips, his flushed wet red cheeks. “Geeze Justin, you turn me on so much I can hardly stand it.” His voice was soft but full of promise. Justin looked up at the hazel eyes, the greens and gold’s flashing with lust and perfectly matching the scarf below. Without a word he sunk to his knees in the snow in front of Brian. He knew Brian was hard by that familiar look in his eyes. He undid the front of Brian’s pants releasing the turgid red cock, the sudden rush of cold air caused Brian to catch his breath, but the hot mouth surrounding it immediately made him unable to breathe. The silky smoothness of Justin’s tongue, with the flashes of cold as he worshiped at Brian’s feet sent flashes of heat to Brian’s groin. Justin allowed the rigid cock to almost leave his warm mouth when he suddenly plunged down allowing the head to hit the back of his throat, the quick suction that followed with the adoration in the blue eyes looking up and into Brian’s hazel ones was more than Brian could bear and his hot load shot down Justin’s throat. Justin never broke his gaze as he gently sucked Brian dry. He carefully tucked the spent cock away, seconds later Brian’s knees gave way and he sunk to the snow in front of Justin. Their eyes continued to speak what their voices couldn’t. Brian pulled Justin to his chest and buried his face in Justin’s snow covered blonde hair. “Why do you love me?” he whispered. “Without you I’m nothing. You complete me” This time it was Justin who rose to his feet and helped Brian up. He reached up and pulled Brian’s lips closer for a kiss. Brian could taste himself on Justin’s tongue and he could taste the love Justin had for him. He felt humbled. Hand in hand they walked back to the Chalet. They hung up their outer clothing by the fire to dry. Justin watched Brian add some more logs and he made them some hot chocolate. He spooned some whipped cream on top of the steaming mugs and sprinkled some maple sugar shavings over the cream. Brian was sitting on the floor his back to the sofa his feet aimed at the fireplace. Justin came over and sat down beside him after handing him his mug of hot chocolate. They sat in silence drinking the chocolate and watching the fire when Brian began “Once time when I was five, I was visiting my Grandmother at her farm. She and I played in the snow until both of us had fire engine red cheeks. We came in and Grandpa made a fire for us and while we sat in front warming up Grandpa gave us cups of cocoa with marshmallows on top and little colored sprinkles. I wasn’t very happy living at home, my parents, well they should never have had children, I don’t even think they should have had gold fish. My Grandma sat with me holding me on her lap, I was tall for my age and by then would never have allowed anyone to hold me, not that there were any offers to do that in the Kinney household. She held me and we watched the fire, sipping our cocoa and she talked to me. I’ll never forget one of the things she said. “It will only get better my Brian, someday you’ll find someone who will love you and cherish you for the wonderful person you are. It takes time. Don’t be impatient.” She kissed me and said “I found your Grandpa and even though he was much older than I was, I knew he was my soul mate. Don’t you ever settle for less. Learn to recognize and accept love when it arrives.” “When bad things would happen over the next few years, I would hide in my room or in my closet and shut my eyes and remember her words.” “Justin, after awhile, after being told over and over that you’re worthless and no one could possible want you – well, you start to believe it. But always I’d remember my Grandmother and I’d hear her words. I’d think well she loved me, so I can’t be all that bad. Maybe she was right. When she died, I felt lost, the one person in the world who loved me left me alone to face the monsters I lived with. I was twelve years old and I felt worthless and unloved and deserted. I built these silent walls around my heart. I pretended I didn’t care. And it worked. I grew older and made my way in life. I became successful in business and had lots of friends and a new family. But I was incredibly lonely. I never even knew I was lonely until one night I met my soul mate.” “Unfortunately I’d forgotten my Grandmother’s words and I didn’t recognize him when he was right there in front of me. When you or anyone would look at me you saw a tall good-looking guy. When I looked in the mirror all I could see was this sorry excuse for a human being, an insult to my parents by being born and living.” Brian picked up Justin’s hand and brought it to his lips. “Do you understand why it was so hard for me to accept your love? I grew up with only the love of my grandparents and that ended by the time I was twelve. Sure lots of people said they loved me, but they mostly only wanted something from me. Except you, you loved me and didn’t want anything back. Oh you wanted my love someday, but you were willing to just quietly love me. I couldn’t understand it. I used to lay awake for hours after I’d taken you back to Deb’s and wonder why did you love me? What did YOU see that know one else ever saw?” Brian sighed, he looked into the fire again, but he didn’t let go of Justin’s hand. “the funny thing was, the night we met was the last night I felt alone. I didn’t even realize it until a couple of weeks later. I was going to bed, alone, I think I’d talked to you that night for a couple of minutes on the phone, like some high school kid with his first crush. I was in bed and it came to me, that the empty feeling, that feeling that you don’t belong to anyone in the world was gone. It had been gone since the night I saw you standing in the glow of that street light. And it scared me. It scared me that I would feel like I now belonged to the world because of some seventeen year old twink who couldn’t look at me without love shining in his eyes. No matter what I did, that love was still there every time those baby blues looked at me. What scared me the most was the fact that I loved you. I had never felt like that before, not the kind of love I felt for you. In one short night you had turned my whole world upside down and inside out and I was scared.” Justin let his head rest on Brian’s shoulder; he looked at his hand fingers entwined with Brian’s. He didn’t say anything, he somehow knew that Brian had revealed a part of himself that he never had before and any words that Justin might say would somehow diminish the awesome trust that Brian Kinney had shown to him. They sat like that for almost an hour while the fire burned low and the smells of cooking permeated the small Chalet. The winter night was drawing to a close, the blue light of the weak sun softly fading to blackness. The ding of the timer shattered the quiet. Justin stood up and gave Brian a reassuring kiss on the top of his head before he went into the kitchen area to finish supper. A whispered “thank you” from Brian caused his heart to give a little flutter. Brian stood up, added some more wood to the fire and without being asked. He began to set the table. As he passed Justin he would touch his hand, or let his hip touch Justin’s, once in a while he’d lean in for a quick kiss. For some reason Brian needed the little bit of contact that he was able to make. As if reassuring himself that Justin was still there even though he could see him. And in turn Justin also took every opportunity to touch Brian. They worked together in the small kitchen area, content not to talk as long as they were together. The two of them sat down and began to eat. Justin looked across the table at Brian, their eyes met and the two of the smiled in companionable silence. “Did you know Brian that I fell in love with you the first night we were together?” Justin didn’t wait for Brian to answer. “I had dreamed about someone like you for more than six years. Daphne and I would draw up lists of our ideal man. She always went for shorter guys, but I wanted someone at least six feet tall.” He paused thinking back “She wanted a man with a white charger to sweep her away, but I wanted a black stallion. Do you think a Jeep counts?” he giggled. “The night I snuck out her window and went to Liberty Ave, we had been watching Patrick Swayze in Ghost. Daphne got all teary eyed but all I got was horny. Of course I was pretty much always horny then. I told her I was going out to get laid and she thought I was kidding. And I honestly didn’t expect to do anything other than maybe meet someone. I sure didn’t think I’d lose my virginity, but I was hoping. When you and I sort of connected I had been deciding if I had enough money for a cab back to Daphne’s. When you touched my arm it was like all the lightening bolts from the Immortal enveloping us both. If we hadn’t started walking to your Jeep I probably would have ended up on my ass in the street.” “I felt it too Justin” Brian looked down and then back to Justin. “I thought I’d taken something and was having some kind of weird hallucination. It was only later that I realized what I’d been feeling was real however unlikely.” “Did you really feel something that night Brian?” “You mean besides uncommonly happy?” Justin beamed at him “No that will do” “Come on Sunshine let’s clean up and spend some time in the hot tub.” Friday – 8:30 pm “Hurry up and shovel a pathway Brian” called Justin as he shivered behind the open door to the balcony. “I want to know why I was the one who had to do the shoveling” “’cause you’re the one who rented this place and I’m only the houseboy.” “My understanding of a houseboy’s duties is that the houseboy does things for the big boss, like shoveling snow.” “This houseboy doesn’t do snow, he does do the big boss though” “Oh really” “Hurry up and shovel so we can get in, and I’ll show you.” Brian finished quickly and pulled off the lid to the hot tub, the steam billowing up into the cold black sky then returning to settle around the bubbling water as small crystals of snow. Brian stood beside the tub and knowing that Justin was watching began a slow strip tease until he stood in the cold wind naked, the snow flakes melting as they hit his hot body. He turned back and grinned at Justin who had begun to remove his clothing while still inside the bedroom. Justin walked out and Brian pulled him tight to his body, allowing them both to feel the snow as it lightly kissed their bodies. Time seemed to stop when their lips met and only the build up of snow on the top of Brian’s dark hair reminded them of what they were supposed to be doing. “Let’s get in Sonny Boy before we freeze our balls off” Brian climbed in and turned offering his hand to Justin who took his hand feeling like Cinderella at the end of the ball. Justin sunk quickly into the hot bubbling water, he sighed with pleasure and then remembering his promise to Brian - moved until he was sitting behind him and began to massage his shoulders. Artist’s fingers finding all the stiffness and knots, working them expertly until he could feel Brian begin to melt back into him. He could almost hear that wonderful Kinney purr. That rarely heard sound of contentment that Brian pulled from his diaphragm when he was specially relaxed and happy. “I think I might give Cynthia a raise or at least some kind of bonus” “Why? We thought you might fire her ass out the door.” “One thing I’ve learned in business Sunshine, is that your assistant generally knows what you need far better than you do yourself.” He leaned back against Justin and turned his head knowing the sweet lips would find his without fail. “And you needed” fished Justin. “You and peace and quiet and no friends and family” “Brian, do think that you and I could ever have a relationship again?” “We’re friends aren’t we?” “Yes” “That’s a relationship” “You know what I mean” “No I don’t. What do you want to happen between you and I?” “Everything” “You’ll have to be a bit more specific, my mind reading abilities are sleeping tonight.” “Sorry Brian, I know what I want, and this ‘time out’ of our lives is really for you. The only ‘plan’ I have for the next four days is to spend time with you and let you get to know me and hopefully I’ll get to know you. I won’t settle for half a relationship. I know all the long winded things you could possibly say about how young I am and how I’ll meet other people. How someone my age can’t possibly know what they want. Well it’s all bullshit. Dumb Irish, pig headed, stubborn, bullshit.” He turned Brian around in the hot water until they were facing each other. “I may be a country club kid from the suburbs, but don’t ever think that my childhood was all sunshine and roses. I’ve worked damn hard to break out of the Stefford wife syndrome that all the kids I grew up with are in. You may think that your childhood was hell because your parents didn’t get a manual when you were conceived. Well you try growing up always knowing that you are completely out of sync with everyone you know. It was like watching your life surround you and then pass by while you stand outside and wonder what’s wrong with you. You have no one to talk to about how you feel and even you best friend is different and would never understand. You’re terrified to say anything to your parents because ever since you knew what was what you were expected to be number one and the best in everything you do. The best in school, the best when your parents had company over, the best in dancing class, nothing less was acceptable and you knew that you weren’t the best. You were faking your life. Your best friend was a girl, yet you lusted after boys and because you were reasonably bright, you knew that if you told your parents that boys made you smile they would be disappointed in you.” “You reach puberty and you’re sure you’re crazy or sick or something. You try and research what you feel on the internet and all you get is weird shit written by people who haven’t a clue or porn and that only makes you feel more sick.” You spend the whole year between thirteen and fourteen sure that any moment someone is going to jump out and say “ah ha – lock this kid up he’s a sick puppy” “Then there’s the fun filled years until you turn seventeen when the bastards you go to school with begin to realize that you’re different. Because you are smaller and your sport is sketching you get the crap beat out of you on a regular basis only you can’t tell anyone because it’s somehow your fault.” Justin looked deep inside himself and then into Brian’s eyes “every day for years you go to school sick to your stomach always wondering when you’re going to get hit or punched or kicked, when your books will be torn or your locker spray painted. The school day is ten years long. You stop by your friends house to make sure the bruises don’t show and then walk in the house, mask in place, Stefford shuffle to your room where you cry damn near every night your face buried in your pillow.” “So my darling, you aren’t unique to crappy childhoods, yours played out differently than mine but you know what Baby, we both survived to talk about it. So suck it up and get on with your life. What happened to you then is never going to happen again.” That said Justin climbed out of the hot tub, ignoring the look Brian was giving him, paying no attention to the beauty of the snow as it glistened in the moonlight. He walked through the door to the bedroom and grabbed a towel, turning to blow a kiss in Brian’s direction as he made his way into the bathroom to shower off the smell of bromine. He watched Brian still in the steamy tub. Brian had his head back as looked with unseeing eyes at the night sky. He knew that Brian needed this time to be alone and think about what had been said by both of them today. So with a catch in his heart he climbed under the covers. His body instinctively wanted to move to Brian’s side of the bed, but he resisted. Instead he turned his head toward Brian’s pillow hoping to catch a whiff of Brian’s scent. Even the smallest bit would help push him over the ledge of sleep. Saturday morning 7:45 am Justin woke to the delicious smell of Brian’s soap scented skin. His nose buried once again into the pulse spot at the base of his neck. He lay there for a moment savoring the feel of Brian’s arms wrapped around him tightly. He could tell by the steady soft puffs of air hitting his hair that Brian was still asleep. He risked moving until he could look at the face of the man he loved, those wonderful arms tightening, holding him closer when he tried to move away. Brian looked so peaceful, his long silky lashes fluttering slightly as he dreamed. His cheeks were tear stained and the pillow under his face was still damp. Justin moved out of his arms and this time he wrapped HIS arms around Brian, pulling him in offering him comfort in his sleep. He lay there holding Brian hating that he’d cried alone in the dark. Willing him to realize how much he was loved. Justin drifted in and out of sleep until he felt Brian move into wakefulness. He gently kissed Brian’s forehead “Good morning Baby” he whispered. “Why is it that having you in my arms or you having your arms around me makes me feel complete?” Brian eyes looked into Justin’s as seeking the answer to his question. “If I’d only known you from the start life would have been so much different for us both. You would have provided me with hope and I could have protected you and shown you that you were no different than millions of other boys.” “You were probably an unruly teenager and would never have had anything to do with a small blonde one year old prone to allergy attacks.” Justin smiled at the thought of what Brian would have looked like. “I on the other hand would have fallen madly in love with you from the moment I saw you.” He grinned “Note to self, continue building that time machine in Deb’s basement, we could have fun” Brian giggled “You are such an irreverent Brat, I was being sentimental and sweet and you didn’t even appreciate it.” “Well I’ve risked sub zero air in this bedroom just to hold you in my arms for the past hour that has to count for something” Brian let his lips brush Justin’s as he said “It counts for everything” This time when their lips touched Justin put his hand on the back of Brian’s head, the silky hair crushed from sleep. He looked deep into Brian’s eyes and allowed their mouths to hungrily touch. Justin slowly sank lower under the warm covers and shut his eyes while Brian began the slow worship of his bed mate. Justin was about to beg Brian to fill him when the gentle push of Brian’s hand indicated he wanted Justin to roll over. They spooned together, Brian’s hard cock knocking for entrance while he tried to warm the lube in his fingers. The usual urgency was replaced with a gentle rocking. Brian reached up with his one hand and locked his fingers with Justin’s. His other hand joined Justin’s on his cock in the familiar back and forth caress. Brian allowed his lips to kiss the back of Justin’s neck as he whispered his own mantra of love the words themselves weaving through the whispered words of his blonde lover. Until finally with an intensity that took their breath away they reached orgasm. Even though they were both sweaty and sticky neither one wanted to be the first one to move. Brian’s cock returned to its restful state and in doing so slipped out of Justin and it was only then that he took the moment to remove the condom. Smiling as Justin mumbled incoherently at the removal of Brian’s arm. “You are such a Baby” said Brian as he once again gathered Justin close. “A wet and sticky one at that” Justin rolled over and plastered his sticky body against Brian’s “I believe in sharing these Kodak moments” he giggled as Brian tried to move out of reach of Justin’s wet belly. “Justin, do you know that when you’re fifty I’ll be sixty two.” Brian looked serious. “My dad died when he was younger than that” “All the more reason for you to stop smoking and using drugs.” He kissed Brian’s nose “Because when I’m sixty two I want you to be seventy four, not a fond memory” “Justin, I don’t know if we can work.” “Until you know that Brian, without hesitation, then no we can’t work.” He looked sad. “That’s the difference we seem to have here. You love me, you’ve told me that. I love you, I’ve told you that. I look at you and I see my life partner, you look at me and see what, a young blonde who doesn’t know his own mind, chains, what? Until you can look at me and see us together when you’re seventy four, then no we can’t work.” This time it was Justin who threw back the covers exposing the two of them to the cold bedroom. “Come on, lets shower and make breakfast, today you’re going cross country skiing.” “I can’t ski” mumbled Brian as he followed Justin into the bathroom. “I’m teaching you this afternoon.” Justin was confident in Brian’s ability to learn new things. Saturday evening 8:30pm “Put some more wood on the fire please” “If you hadn’t tried to downhill ski in cross country skis you wouldn’t have fallen” “It was a hill, it was the country, we were crossing it, what was I supposed to do?” “I showed you” “But only wusses would do that” “Or people who want to be able to move later on in the day.” “Come and be a nice little house boy and cuddle me” “Brian Kinney wants to cuddle. Note to self, throw Brian down hills more often” “Brat” Justin sat down on the sofa. He grinned as Brian immediately moved into what was becoming a tradition. His head in Justin’s lap, Brian reached up and put Justin’s hand on his shoulder and then the other one on his head. “You’re supposed to rub my shoulder and play with my hair. You don’t retain things long for someone who’s supposed to be bright.” “You barely hit my lap Brian, give me time. It’s supposed to be a spontaneous kind of thing, not a Kinney demand.” Justin obediently allowed his one hand to rub gentle circles in Brian’s back and along his one arm and the other hand caress his head, smoothing back the silky hair. “But it makes me feel good” “I know it does Baby, and I love to sit with you and when I sit with you I have to touch you. You’re like a magnet to me. Besides I like to hear you purr. It’s almost as good as having my own cat without the annoying meow.” “Meow” replied Brian and grinned when Justin softly swatted his arm. “Tell me about your favorite Thanksgiving dinner.” “My favorite was when I was sixteen.” “Hey, mine was too. I mean when I was sixteen, not four” “Deb had been bugging me to come to her house and have dinner with Michael and her and I hand never gone ‘cause it was a Kinney ultimatum that all holiday dinners had to be as a family group – what a laugh – the Adams family was more of a family.” He looked into the fire. “Thanksgiving morning came and I was going to do my usual hiding out until I absolutely had to appear when Deb knocked at the door. I could hear her all the way in my room. It seems Michael had managed to break his arm by falling down the stairs in the middle of the night. She must have caught my Dad in a benevolent mood, or a guilty one and somehow she convinced him that the only thing that would help her make it through the day was that I come over and entertain Michael while she cooked. She always had a big group of queer refugees from the diner over. Of course she didn’t tell the old man that, only that she was having twelve for dinner and needed some help with Michael. And the best part was she got him to let me stay overnight even though it was a school night. She told him she would make sure that I got to school.” “It was an amazing day. All these people were there and everyone helped make the food. Vic was visiting from New York and he was organizing us all in the kitchen. There was laughing and stories about life on Liberty Ave and in New York. It was a giant family gathering and I was part of it. The only slightly bad part was Mikey’s whining about his arm. Deb finally gave him an extra dose of pain med and he passed out until the next morning. So I was able to stay up listening to all the stories. I ate so much food I thought I’d burst.” He looked up at Justin. “I lived on that memory for months. Even now it makes me smile” Justin bent down and kissed Brian’s forehead. “I was sixteen and Daphne and I went down to the bookstore near Liberty Avenue. I found a magazine there geared to queer teens or young men. I bought it and spent the rest of the day reading it from cover to cover. Suddenly I realized that I was sort of normal, in a gay kind of way. We went to dinner at the Club that night and Daphne came too. We spent the whole evening checking out the guys, the both of us and this time it didn’t seem wrong. Even when my father growled at us for giggling too much it didn’t matter because I was queer and I didn’t care. I even had a cute guy from one of the other family tables kind of rub my butt in the bathroom later. I lived on that little memory for a long time and even now it makes me smile.” “Last Thanksgiving at the munchers was nice” “It was nice, but would have been better if you’d actually got there before dinner was half over.” “I wasn’t going to come at all” “I was surprised when you did come. Why did you come?” Justin asked. “I was eating a turkey sandwich at the diner, kind of avoiding the whole holiday thing. I was looking around to see if you were working and I remembered about the muncher dinner. I figured you’d probably be there. If you weren’t I was prepared to go to Deb’s and even your mother’s if I had to.” “How romantic” “Maybe I was just horny” “I prefer to think romantic first horny second” “Whatever” “The fire’s dying; you want to go out to the hot tub. I promise to stay this time. We can fool around.” “Will you give me another massage like last night? I ache all over” “Yes and I’ll even massage some of the parts I missed last night” “Lower parts?” “Could be” They both moved to the bedroom, each one quickly taking off their clothes, Brian was moving a little slower that usual, but he’d had a big day and wasn’t used to skiing. They removed the cover together. This time Justin was in first and helped a stiff Brian down into the water. He moved behind him and began his massage. Brian let his head fall back onto Justin’s chest. “You could make money doing this. You have incredible fingers.” His voice was slurred with pleasure. Justin leaned down and gave Brian an upside down kiss which made them both giggle. Brian wiggled back and Justin’s hard cock pressed into the crack of his ass. “How can you be hard this fast in water this hot?” asked Brian. “I’m nineteen, not thirty one, what can I say” he smiled at Brian. Brian wiggled some more until Justin’s cock began to hit his tight opening. “I’d better be careful, I might get something caught.” Brian said, tongue in cheek, but wiggled again. “Geeze Brian, I don’t have a condom on” whispered Justin. “I know, it’s not my fault. It’s my damn ass hole; it wants your hard cock Baby. I’ve tried to reason with it but it won’t take no for an answer.” “Idiot – tell your ass hole to take a cold shower” “Oops, too late, it appears to have caught something” Brian gasped “Don’t you dare move, I can’t believe how this feels, but if you move it’s game over Brian, you will be well and truly fucked.” “You mean don’t move like this?” Brian felt the head of Justin’s cock slide in past the second ring. “Or like this?” his breath was catching as the warm wet cock hit his prostrate. He began to move with that age old rhythm accompanied by the moans from his by now very willing partner. Justin couldn’t stand it any longer and he gripped Brian’s waist allowing Brian to fall forward and hang onto the side of the tub as Justin used deep hard stokes, slower and then faster until he was about to explode. He began to withdraw but Brian said “No, come inside me, I want you to this one Baby, please.” With those words spoken his orgasm started and Brian could feel the cum like molten lava hit the inside walls of his body. Brian felt Justin pull out and he turned and held out his arms. Justin buried his face in Brian’s chest, he’d never expected Brian to show this much trust. He felt Brian’s hard cock hit his groin and he wrapped his legs around his waist. “Now you fuck me.” The words barely out of his mouth when Brian, looking deep into Justin’s eyes, allowed his cock to feel the warmth of Justin’s relaxed hole. Unlike the usual Kinney long lasting fuck, this time he barely made half a dozen strokes when he exploded. They held each other, the water bubbling around them, the snow from the steam falling like diamonds from the sky. “I wouldn’t have done it Baby except I know I’m safe. I’d never do anything to put you in jeopardy.” “But what about me” “Justin, you are a good little gay boy, I know that but I wanted you to know that I trust you with my life.” “Can we do it again?” “Sure” “Right now” “Now?” Justin began to kiss Brian with a passion Brian hadn’t known the young one had in him. “Are you taking advantage of me?” Brian teased. “Maybe” was all Justin could mumble as this time he took Brian from the front, their lips rarely parting, the water making Brian’s weight inconsequential as Brian wrapped his legs around Justin. Sunday morning 11:30 am Brian stumbled out into the kitchen, his hair the ultimate in bed head from the hot tub sessions and then the many times they’d made love during the night. “Geeze Justin, I can’t believe what I’m seeing” Justin had been taking a pie out of the oven. Fresh bread was sitting on the table, the small turkey in a roast pan all ready to go in. Casserole dishes holding mysterious things dotting the counter. He turned and faced Brian, barely able to hold his sunshine smile back from blinding Brian’s bleary eyes. “I’m making Thanksgiving dinner today that we can have leftover’s tomorrow and the next day. Sit down I’ll get your coffee.” He watched Brian carefully sit down on the soft cushion Justin had thoughtfully provided for his chair. Brian took the coffee, “thanks for the pillow, Brat” Justin bopped over and plunked himself down in Brian’s lap. He grinned at the groan that escaped before he began to kiss his lover’s lips. “I love the taste of coffee when it’s in your mouth Brian.” He let out a small chuckle “we won’t tell Starbuck’s – they could have a whole other market out there” “For someone who fucked and was fucked many times last night you sure are bouncy” grumbled Brian but he kissed Justin’s nose and wrapped his arms around Justin to keep him from falling off his lap. “Can’t help it I’ve got a happy bottom. I’ve got a happy cock. I’ve got a happy mouth. I’m just a happy bouncy gay boy today.” “Well happy bouncy gay boy. I’m not quite so bouncy, I think I’ll shower and maybe that will put the bounce back.” “Ok, I’ll have your breakfast ready when you come back. We are going to have our very first Thanksgiving dinner together, just you and I today. Isn’t that exciting?” “Justin what doesn’t get you excited?” “Only grouchy Brian’s, but I have a plan.” Justin’s kiss left him wanting more “You always have a plan, and I’m not grouchy.” He said in a husky voice. “See that was my plan” Justin kissed him once more and hopped off moving to the kitchen to check on the other pie in the oven. Brian laughed to himself as he walked to the shower. He showered quickly and was almost dressed when he remembered something that he’d had in the side pocket of his suitcase for many months now. He took the case out of the closet and checked the pocket. It was still there. He sat on the bed and looked at the box he held in his hand. He’d made this purchase so long ago. He’d wanted to make Justin’s prom night have different memories than what it had. But with one thing and another he’d never given it to Justin. Was this the time? When he’d originally decided to give this to Justin, it was going to be as a promise of what might be. But now after the past few months and especially the past couple of days he realized, there was no might only IS. He slipped it into his pocket and went back into the kitchen. Justin had taken the other pie out and replaced it with the turkey. “Some lucky man is going to be glad to have you for your cooking abilities alone” said Brian. “That lucky man can’t even make toast, so it’s a good thing I can cook.” “You have someone in mind Sonny Boy?” asked Brian as he put on his jacket. Justin’s face fell, didn’t Brian realize that HE was the only man for him? “Where you going Bri?” he asked quietly. “I need to make a phone call, and the phone won’t work inside.” He waved his cell at Justin as he went out the door. He carefully made his way down to the Jeep, stood there with his back to the house and dialed an almost forgotten number. “Hello, Jennifer, it’s Brian.” “Hello, Brian, is Justin alright?” “Sure, I didn’t mean to scare you.” “It’s just that you don’t usually call Brian, and I know Justin’s with you.” “Sorry, look Jennifer; I need to ask you something.” Brian hesitated embarrassed “This is kind of dumb, I’m sorry I bothered you on Thanksgiving” “Brian, don’t hang up, you wouldn’t have called if it wasn’t important. Is my boy treating you OK out there in the middle of nowhere? I made sure he had his favorite cook book and I think I told him everything he needed to know about the turkey.” “It’s just that, I want to ask him something, but I still think he’s too young or I’m too old or that it’s just stupid with us both being queer. I didn’t know who else to talk to that wouldn’t kind of put me down or laugh. Justin says you’re the best most understanding Mom ever so I called.” “Do you love my boy Brian?” “Yes” “Do you see yourself growing old with him?” “Yes” “Do you think that when life’s ups and downs hit that you’ll stick with him no matter what?” “Yes” “Then ask him” “You mean it? What will the country club girls think? What will Molly think or Craig? I’m not exactly from the same background Jennifer.” “Brian, Molly and I love Justin and we will love you as well. As for Craig and the country club girls – fuck them – it’s your life and Justin’s life. As long as the two of you are happy who really cares about anyone else” “Thank you Jennifer” “I know I’m not your mother, but you can call me Mom like Justin does. I feel like you are one of mine.” “Thank you Mom. I’ll bring Justin over on Tuesday if that’s alright” “Come for dinner, we’ll celebrate. It won’t be turkey I promise, I’m sure Justin will have you eating turkey for the next few days” Brian laughed “We’ll be there Mom” and he hung up. He turned to face the house and wasn’t surprised to see the curtain move back. Justin had been watching. He walked back through the snow that was alive with sparkles. The sun had come out in full force radiating warmth and allowing the trees heavy with snow to shine and glimmer like thousands of tiny diamonds sprinkled over the earth. He picked up some snow and began to pelt the door over and over until finally Justin flung it open. “What are doing Brian” he yelled. “Put your coat on and come out into the sunshine Sunshine” he laughed. He stood there smiling as he watched his grumpy lover pull his jacket on and stomp out on the porch. “Who were you talking to that put you in such a good mood?” “I was talking to the Mom. She sends her love by the way.” “Your Mom?” Justin was puzzled “Nope, ours” he fell down on his knees in the snow in front of Justin who had to smile at his antics. “What are you doing Brian?” “Look around you, see the sun, close your eyes, see the flowers, feel the warmth of the sun on your face. Suddenly it’s summer.” He took Justin’s cold hand in his and slipped a plain platinum band on his ring finger. “Will you marry me Justin Taylor on this fine summer day?” Justin opened his eyes and was about to say something sarcastic when he looked at his hand that Brian held, the sun light hit the band and radiated out. Justin could see the flowers appear in his mind. His knees gave way and he sank into the snow in front of Brian. “Why now” he whispered. “Because I know in my heart that you are the one for me and I don’t care who else knows it. Because I love you. Because I need you. Because I want you. Because I adore you.” “Yes”