Always and Forever Part 3 Notes: for Susan and Misty and all the other romantics out there. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The two of them stood holding each other for what seemed like hours but was in reality barely five minutes. Neither of them wanted to be the first to break away. Finally Justin said "Maria drew us a bath Brian." "The water will be cold now" Brian desperately wanted to have his newfound lover naked and wet, but six years was a long time. He found himself in the unique position of actually being shy with Justin. The fact that Justin took the initiative in the shower the day before had been a bonus, but he still didn't know what to expect of ether himself or Justin. "Actually, it will be just right, the tub has a built in water heater that circulates the water constantly heating it." He pulled away then took Brian's hand. "Come and see our bedroom and the master bathroom." He looked up at Brian his eyelashes shading his blue eyes. "I'll let you be master tonight" and he grinned. Brian laughed, "You are such a brat. I see some things never change." He bent and kissed Justin on the forehead "Ok Sunshine, let's get soaking wet. If we are partners now then you as the youngest have to let me be master at least four days out of every seven." "That is sooooo not going to happen Brian." Justin swatted Brian on the ass. Brian made a grab for him and together they chased each other into the bathroom where they both stopped short. Justin looked at Brian and the two of them looked back at the large room. It was alive with hundreds of lit candles. "I'm thinking Maria is a romantic at heart." Justin said. "No shit: Brian stared around him amazed. The light from the candles shimmered on the marble tiles that covered the floor and lined the walls. Rose petals floated on the water in the oversized sunken tub. They could smell the lavender that Maria must have added to the bathwater. Brian looked closely at Justin. "I know this is going to seem odd coming from me, the ultimate label queen" Justin snickered "I know that's what you think smart ass so don't snicker." He looked around the elegant room. The marble tiles, rich cherry woodwork, gold faucet's, "but this" he gestured "Is a tad over the top isn't it?" Justin began to unbutton Brian's shirt. His warm lips burning Brian's skin, each kiss a spark, he punctuated his words. "I bought this house for a few reasons" (kiss, unbutton) "I thought it would be the perfect setting for a tall handsome advertising executive that I know and have loved forever." (kiss, unbutton) "There is room for Gus" (kiss, unbutton) And his friends" (kiss, unbutton) "his new pet needs the space" (kiss, unbutton - this time Justin couldn't resist a quick tongue rimming of the beautiful belly button before continuing) "If the man I love hadn't found me by the end of the year I was seriously considering kidnapping him" (kiss, unbutton the button on Brian's trousers) "Did I tell you that there is a secret room in the house? I figured I could hold him captive as my love slave until he realized where he belonged." Brian, his cock hard, his finger's combing through the soft gold on Justin's head "where does he belong?" he asked, his words coming out in soft pants as the lips continued their travels until the glistening head of his cock was released into the warm air. "In my arms for eternity." "That's a long time Sunshine" Brian panted. He lifted Justin up and began to remove Justin's clothing. His own kisses burning the fair skin of his young love. "Do you really think so?" Justin was now having difficulty catching his breath. "No, I don't think so, not if I'm in your arms" Brian had succeeded in removing the last of Justin's clothing. He stood and wrapped his arms around the too slender body of the man he loved "Does this sound corny or what, I actually feel like I'm safe when you have your arms around me?" Justin, his head on Brian's chest, smiled at the words. Words he'd repeat to himself a thousand times when Brian was away from him. He looked up at Brian and grinned widely then took his hand and led him down the two steps into the large tub. The warm water enveloped both of them. Brian sat down and pulled Justin down onto his lap and once again wrapped him in his strong arms. "This is a damn swimming pool Justin." Brian said looking around. "I feel like I'm in some kind of James Bond movie. I even have a blonde on my lap." "I'll have you know I don't look like any blonde that would be in a bath in a James Bond movie." Justin was indignant. "Your butt is the right size, but the rest of you is too skinny." Brian teased. "What happened to my favorite eating machine?" He took the sting out of his question be kissing Justin in that pulse spot under Justin's ear. "At first I wasn't hungry; you know when I first left. Rosie kept trying to get me to eat and I did eat, I mean I'm here aren't I. But nothing tasted right everything in my life was grey including food." Justin leaned back against Brian, enjoying the feeling of his lovers arms around him, his breath on his skin, "You've given me back the color of life." "Justin, I never meant to do this to you. You know that don't you?" Brian asked. "I thought you needed the space and time to be yourself. You needed to be with people your own age, friends your own age." "Brian, I needed you." Justin said his voice quiet. "You can't live your life for someone else Justin, you need to live your life for yourself." "If that's true Brian, why are you here?" Brian thought for a moment. "This is where I need to be. I need to be holding you in MY arms for eternity. I'm doing this for myself." "That's how I felt and feel Brian. Having you in my life, that's what I want for myself. It's what I always wanted and I would never settle for less." "You've had others in your life in the past six years Justin, you have settled and it doesn't make any difference. We're still together now." "Actually, Brian, I haven't had anyone else." Justin almost whispered. "Justin," Brian used the buoyant water to maneuver Justin around until he was now facing him. "It's been six years. You're telling me you haven't had sex in six years?" He looked at the hazel eyes; did Brian want to know the truth? Could he handle what had happened to him six years ago? He didn't know what to say, so he said nothing. He lay his head on Brian's shoulder taking refuge in silence, hoping that his kisses on Brian's neck would distract him from this line of questioning. "Justin" Brian was serious. "I think you'd better tell me everything that I did to you. I read your journals, the ones that you left, but the last few months of entries didn't make a lot of sense." "It's over now Brian; you didn't do anything to me." Justin looked up, he let his lips caress Brian's with promises of more to come. "I have to know." Brian couldn't believe that his heart was able to hurt this much and still keep beating. It was worse than when Justin disappeared. He kept telling himself that Justin was doing fine on his own, but now, holding the too thin body in his arms, seeing the dark circles of fatigue still staining the pale cheeks, Brian knew that he'd been wrong. It will take him a hundred lifetimes to make this up to Justin. "Justin, do you want us to be a couple? To be in a permanent relationship?" "Of course, I've always wanted that." Justin tried to kiss him again. Brian drank greedily from Justin's lips, then reluctantly broke the kiss. "How bad have the past six years been Baby?" "It was getting better Brian. I mean I let my real name be known the other night. I had to come out of hiding once the award was known." He looked at Brian and half smiled. "I had Gus to think of now. Before he was too young to care, but as he got older he asked more questions than I was prepared to answer. I've always been close to him. I saw you in him and it was a way for me to be close to you." He laughed "obsess much?" he asked rhetorically. "The night you left the loft Justin, tell me what happened." Brian knew now he was going to have to drag everything out of Justin. But he knew that as long as the six years remained unknown they would act like a barrier between them. Justin shut his eyes, he didn't want to remember. It wasn't fair, he wanted to be with Brian, he wanted to love him and have Brian make love to him. He wanted kisses and sweet words. He didn't want to remember the pain. Brian held him in the warm water, thankful that the lights were off and only the candle light illuminated the room, casting shadows that were so easy to hide behind. He let the water provide the soothing warmth of the womb while his hand traced comforting circles on Justin's back. He was thirty seven years old; finally able to admit to the man he held that he loved him. Yet he'd been responsible for the pain that Justin felt and was feeling now and it was killing him. They needed to deal with it together. Not speaking about it wouldn't work. "I don't remember much Brian, I really don't, I'm not trying to avoid talking about it. I remember being tired, very tired, my feet hurt, Rosie said I didn't have any shoes on. I remember being cold. My teeth were chattering, like in a cartoon. I remember crying and Rosie holding me until I stopped. I don't think I talked to her much. She pretended I was her grandson and we drove to Canada. She bought me a coat and some shoes and socks. I helped her with the driving. It was kind of like a dream. I remember different cities in Canada, or at least a bit of them. We always stayed in fancy hotels. She bought me a sketch pad and some pencils but it was awhile until I used them. She'd just open the pad and put it on my lap and then drive. I'm not sure when I started to sketch. She talked to me all the time. Told me stories about her life, I listened and probably half way across the country I began to kind of wake up. She made me send some postcards so everyone would know that I was alive." Justin was exhausted from that little bit of remembering. He didn't want to continue. He looked into Brian's eyes, silently pleading for release from the memories. Brian knew what he was doing. "Go on Justin. You and Rosie arrived where, Vancouver?" "Eventually, we stayed quite a while in Calgary. She thought I should have the chance to see real cowboys. I think she was trying to set me up, but I'm not sure. All I know is she dragged me to dozens of rodeos. Did you know they have a gay rodeo in Calgary?" It was pretty awesome, the cowboys were hot. But they were just" he paused and looked back at Brian again. "I don't know, it was like they weren't real, or I wasn't real. I mean it was interesting and everything, but like I was watching a movie." His eyes searched Brian's "Do you understand what I'm saying Brian?" he asked. "I think so." Brian kissed his forehead. "But that doesn't explain everything Sunshine. I heard that you refused to go out in the daytime; you wouldn't wear anything other than black. You weren't even heard of for months." "I've talked about it to a psychiatrist Brian. Rosie saw to it that I had the best, you can be sure of that. Between the bashing, and one thing and another, then you leaving, I had a kind of melt down. Even after I realized what had happened, and began to paint again, I mean paint something besides you I still couldn't make myself see color in the world. You know at night that everything is grey or black. It didn't seem right somehow to even have color around. Color was Brian Kinney, color was us. I couldn't have you so there was no color. The only way I could even paint using color was to have you in the painting somewhere, you or Gus, because Gus is you. That's why I've done so many with the mystery man in them." He sighed "It's funny, I knew it was wrong to think like that, I knew I had to move on and I did. I started the Sunshine House Foundation, I had two sell out shows, I traveled and visited my houses and met with the kids and their mentors when ever possible. I talked to Emmett right from the first on the net." He felt Brian stiffen. "Don't get pissed at Emmett. I swore him to secrecy. He knew that if he told you anything I'd never contact him again. I didn't want you to be bothered by me and my juvenile problems. I used him to keep in touch with Deb and Vic and Lindsey and Mel and Gus." He paused "And you Brian, I used him to tell me about you and what you were doing and how you were doing." This time when Justin let his lips touch Brian's, he was held captive by a strong hand cupping the back of his head. What began as a gentle kiss quickly turned into more, much more and the passion that they had both been holding in check was released. Justin moved himself so the head of Brian's rock hard cock was hitting his hole. Butting it's head against the tightness, demanding entrance. Brian, swept up in the moment of pent up feelings that he'd been repressing for months didn't register the fact that Justin was slowly and surely sliding himself over Brian. Only the gasp of pleasure/pain that Justin involuntarily released as the smooth blunt end slipped past the tight ring of muscle made Brian aware of what had happened. He tried to pull out, though the inner warmth of the smooth passage beckoned him to remain where he was. He stopped moving, gripped Justin by the shoulders. "Fuck, Justin, what are you doing?" "You don't know what we're doing? I thought it was me who hadn't done anything for six years. I'm sure that you must have had one or two tricks in the last six years." Justin teased. "You know what I mean. Condom Justin, remember, little square packages, lube in containers, remember that?" Justin squeezed his muscles, letting them grip Brian's cock even tighter. Brian gasped, his eyes shut, his head went back as he did his best to remain still. "Please Brian, this one time. I know I'm safe, I'd never hurt you. I know you're safe, so why not?" Brian looked at the blue eyes remembering another time when he'd had this conversation with Justin. He wanted him safe always, he wanted him with him. He trusted Justin, he knew Justin would never put him in jeopardy and yes he knew he was himself safe. He'd been tested more than six months ago and again only the week before. He'd never even tricked in the previous six months. He wanted to see if he could be monogamous for Justin. "You know I love you Justin?" Brian asked. "But you don't know if I'm safe. You can't know that" he wanted Justin to understand this. "I don't ever want you to do this without a condom. I want you around for a long time. I want you safe." "But I thought" Justin began. Brian slowly lifted Justin up and off his throbbing cock. "I'm going to tell you this and I want you to listen carefully. I love you. Yes, I'm safe and I certainly know that you are too. I would give anything to be able to have you with nothing between us, to feel your warmth, to let you feel me. I'm promising you something, you are going to be the only one for me until the day I die. My cock is yours, you can put an announcement in the paper. I don't care. No more tricks. But I will not ever do it raw. I will never put you in any kind of position that could result in you getting sick." He looked at Justin, reading the uncertainty in his eyes. "Justin, until everything is known about AIDS I couldn't to it to you. I just couldn't take a chance in hurting you." The thickness of Brian's voice and the film of tears threatening to overflow the hazel eyes made Justin finally realize how much Brian loved him. Justin's smile lit up the room. "I'm sorry Brian." He grinned again "Maybe someday?" He let the words sound like a question. "Maybe someday Baby" Brian agreed "I'm turning into a prune, and it's not a good look and I'm hungry again, Maria left us food. So let's get out of here." Justin began to move to the steps leading out of the vast tub. "Not to mention that if I don't get fucked soon I'm sure I'll die or something." "Can't have that Sunshine, I just got you back, don't want you dieing on me." Brian rose from the water, his cock waving in front of him. "I'm afraid the eating part is going to have to come later." He held out his hand and Justin took it. He stepped onto the tile floor, water cascading down his body. Justin grabbed one of the towels heating on the towel bar and began to slowly dry the lean body facing him. Brian grabbed another towel and returned the favor to Justin then realized, this was silly, he had to make love to this man who loved and trusted him so much. He reached down and lifted Justin in his arms and Justin surprised automatically put his arms around Brian, resting his head on Brian's shoulder. He sighed in pleasure while Brian carried him into the bedroom. "There is a bed in here isn't there Sunshine?" Brian asked surveying the large room. It appeared to be a sitting room of some kind. Two double sized easy chairs flanked a fireplace that was set into a half wall in the center of the room. Justin giggled "Behind the wall Brian and hurry up, I'm darn near ready to cum, your dick keeps hitting my ass when you walk." "My dick will be more than hitting your ass Brat" but Brian walked around the wall. The fireplace was on both sides only now instead of two chairs flanking it. The fireplace faced a king size bed almost identical to the one in the loft. Over the bed what Brian had thought was a painting was a stained glass window in shades of blues, some of which he'd never seen before. It must have been designed by Justin he thought and sure enough in the corner was the familiar BK Driemer signature. He stood there, Justin in his arms when outside clouds that were covering the full moon parted. The bright moonlight shone through the large arched window, through the blues of the glass. All at once the shapes of the window began to make sense. It was him sleeping in the loft under the blue lights. Justin had designed the window, the abstract blues making up the picture. He started to giggle then laughed out loud. "How many more of these little surprises am I going to find?" he asked. "I hope that's a rhetoric question" Justin purred in his arms. "We are going to make love all night Sunshine. And tomorrow, when we can finally walk and talk we're going to have a little talk about obsession and how to overcome it." "Ok" Justin said, he snuggled deep into the silky softness of the sheets, holding back the duvet for Brian to join him. "But answer one question. When we were apart did you have a picture of me that you looked at? Were all those blondes that littered your ad campaigns only a coincidence? Did you ever ask Deb or Vic or Lindsey or Emmett about me or even my Mom?" "That's three questions" Brian answered, his lips already tasting and kissing their way down Justin's torso. "Doesn't matter, I know the answer to all of them. Yes, no, yes." He smiled down at the auburn head that was by now very close to where he'd wanted him for so long. "You obsessed about me in your Brian Kinney way and I obsessed about you in mine. We're even." "You win Sunshine" said Brian just before his mouth engulfed a certain bobbing organ. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ It was almost noon when a full bladder brought Brian to consciousness. He kept his eyes shut enjoying the feel of Justin in his arms. The soft snore was music in his ears. He opened his eyes taking in his surroundings. So this was going to be 'their' room. He liked what he saw. Justin had designed it the way Brian had always envisioned his room had he had enough space to work with. The sunlight shining through the blue window made him smile. BK Driemer, how could he have missed that? He was going to have work hard to keep up to this young man. He heard a gentle knock on the bedroom door. Before he could get up to see who it was Maria opened the door and put her head in. "You're up Mr. Kinney. I'll leave this tray for you and Mr. Taylor. It's his favorite coffee and a latte for you. Mr. Taylor told me how much you loved lattes. There's a toasted bagel for you both. Lunch will be in an hour." She put the tray on a small table by a set of French doors that led to a large balcony. She smiled at Brian who was watching in astonishment. "Thank you Mr. Kinney, thank you for coming back to him." She smiled again then disappeared through the door, closing it after her. Brian was about to say something, maybe wake Justin up when he noticed Justin's nose twitching. Blue eyes opened and looked into his. "I smell coffee and bagels" he said. He looked at Brian who was looking confused. "Good morning Brian" he moved closer and kissed his lover. "Uh, Justin" Brian said. "We need to talk about this servant thing we seem to have happening here." He returned Justin's kiss then got out of bed, wincing slightly as he rested his tender bottom on the mattress. Justin saw the wince and was secretly pleased that he was responsible for Brian's discomfort. He watched Brian pad toward the bathroom. He loved the way the older man was so comfortable with his naked body. He listened but couldn't hear anything. Curious he got up following Brian. He found him standing in the doorway of the bathroom. Brian turned when he heard Justin come up behind him. "Justin, look at this room." Justin walked over and looked. "Yes, it's the master bathroom. You were master last night, I get to be today." He moved past Brian, heading for the toilet that was behind a glass block partition. "I really have to piss." He said as he walked into the room. Brian joined him at the toilet, both of them emptying their bladders. "Justin, the candles are gone, the tub is cleaned, the towels are fresh" he looked at Justin as they walked to the twin sinks and began to wash their hands. "What part of that looks different from when we went to bed last night?" "Maria probably had it cleaned this morning." Justin said, unconcerned. "Want to shower now or after we have our coffee. I hope the bagel is blueberry." He was now over by the table. "Hey it is blueberry and she didn't put anything on yours and she made you a latte. That's sweet, she remembered." Brian had joined him by the table. He looked at the chair beside it trying to decide if the cushion on the chair would be enough to cradle his butt. He reached for his latte enjoying the first few sips while he watched Justin devour the toasted bagel after layering it with first butter then cream cheese. "Justin, this silent servant thing isn't going to work. I don't like to wake up to find out that some stranger was a few feet away cleaning up after me." "Ok," Justin said. "I'll tell Maria" Justin looked around for more to eat. He looked at Brian's bagel. Brian started to laugh; Justin's appetite was back to normal. "Eat the damn bagel Justin, Maria tells me lunch is ready in an hour. I can wait." He laughed again. "Shit, now you have me doing it." Justin looked at him enquiring "The servant thing." Brian said. "I know exactly what you mean Brian, believe you me. It drove me nuts for months when I first started to live with Rosie. Then I moved up to a remote area in British Columbia to paint. We'll have to go there sometime. The views are amazing. I was figuring I'd finally get to escape and do things on my own. I woke up the first morning and heard noises in the lower part of the house. I crept down and imagine my surprise when I saw a lady dusting. She looked up at me and said. "The coffee is ready Mr. Driemer. I'll start your eggs now that you're up." It seems I had a housekeeper. Rosie neglected to point this out." "Janice lived in a guest cabin on the property with her husband. It didn't take me long to get used to having everything done. It gave me more time to paint for one thing." He looked at Brian. "You'll get used to it, but if you don't like having anyone in our room when we're at home. That's no problem. I'll let Maria know and from now on we can look after ourselves in this room when we're here." "Justin, it's not just the room thing. It's the whole houseful of servants' thing." Brian sat down on the chair carefully, only to have all his careful maneuverings be for nothing as a light weight blonde immediately sat on his lap, legs on either side of him facing him. "Geeze Justin, gently now," Brian said with a smile. "Your role playing as a 'brutal top' was a bit too enthusiastic last night." "Ha, you loved it and you know it." Justin said kissing Brian's lips. The immediate stir of Brian's cock under him told him plenty. "This is a big house. It takes a lot to run it. You've always had a cleaning lady for as long as I've known you and you only had the loft when we first met. You have employees at your office I'm sure." He kissed Brian again. "Now Maria worked for George for all her adult life and she could have retired now that he's dead, but she's still fairly young and she didn't want to retire. I like her a lot and she's helped run this house for a long time. So I hired her to look after the house and built her an apartment. She doesn't really do much physically, because she can't she has arthritis pretty bad, but she organizes the girls and guys who do all the work. Now those young people are kids who needed a job and some kind of training. Maria gives them a job, and she's pretty strict about what they do. They get their tuition, dorm rent and books and food paid and a small spending allowance in return for their hours here. Maria has a waiting list for the jobs here. It's something George started and I thought it was a good idea, so I kept doing it." "Chef was a cook from the Air force; his boyfriend was injured in Afghanistan. When the military found out he was gay he was booted out and he needed a job where he could help his partner. He needed somewhere not too stressful for both of them. Jerrod turned out to have been raised on a ranch, that's Chef's partner's name, and I needed someone kind of experienced with horses because of Gus. So it worked out beautifully for all of us. He has this cool wheelchair, sort of a stripped down thing that lets him get around the stables just fine and the horses don't seem to mind a bit, in fact I'd say they kind of cooperate more for him then they do for me." Brian smiled at him, and then kissed him gently. "I should have known that you would have some kind of work project thing happening." He put his forehead to Justin's "I love you Justin Taylor; I suppose all of the people you have working for you will be keeping an eye on me to make sure I don't fuck up with you. It won't just be Peter threatening to run me over in the car. Puts a lot of pressure on me to be good" Brian joked. "Luckily I have a plan." "What kind of plan?" Justin asked. "To make love to you so often and hard that you don't have time to stray." "Hey old man, it's not me who's got the sore ass this morning and I was the one who was celibate for six years. Who's going to do what to whom?" Justin got up and began to walk to the bathroom. "I'm starving, lets shower." He stood in the bathroom door and crooked his finger at Brian. "Brian, shower, now." Then he grinned and walked through the bathroom door. Not yet confident enough in Brian's love to expect that he'd follow but fingers crossed hoping. Brian continued to sit thinking about the events of the past few days. It was a lot to take in. Justin wasn't the same boy he left more than six years ago. He was a young man now, wealthy, confident and living his life the way he wanted. He was generous to a fault. He didn't even notice how generous he was, it just came natural to him. He sighed, he'd spent all of his life surviving anyway he could. He'd worked long and hard and yet the man he loved didn't care about any of that, he only wanted Brian Kinney, the hidden man, the little boy with bruises, the young teen who learned to hide his feelings, the man he'd met, walls firmly cemented in place. Well, he was thirty seven, it was time he learned to live with an open heart. He knew just the man to help him learn how. Justin stood under the pulsing beat of the warm water, his back to the shower door, he loved Brian so much it hurt sometime, but he knew that Brian had to find his own way to him. Cool air washed over his back, the shower door had been opened. He did his best to contain his smile when the strong arms of the man he loved wrapped around him. He turned within their embrace until his chest was tight against the strong well muscled chest of Brian. He let his mouth suckled on the erect nipple that was so handy. Brian gasped with pleasure. It was a time for no words, time to show how he felt. He let his tongue trail down, teeth nipping, tasting the flesh that was his now, the flesh he'd waited for patiently and sometime not so patiently for more than 8 years since that fateful night on Liberty Avenue. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Explain to me again why we aren't getting phone calls like the first night." Brian asked. He was curious; the phone had been strangely quiet. "The kids' phone on an 800 number and the calls are forwarded to my phone or cell, but I do sometimes have to be away from the calls, then they are forwarded to one of the house mothers, they take turns. If it's important enough, they can route it directly to me on my cell." He felt the strong fingers twined with his as they walked across the green lawn. He was taking Brian to see Gus's surprise. "I'd forgotten to have them forwarded the night we met again, but I imaging Peter did that first chance he got. The only call that always comes to me is Gus, he has my cell number programmed in on his mom's phone." "There's a lot I'm going to have to learn about you and your life these days Sunshine." Brian bent and kissed him. "Remember when we lived at the loft?" Justin asked. "Of course" "Remember that time we talked about what we'd wanted the most when we were little kids." "I remember that I had a harder time remembering than you did. I guess because it was like only the year before for you." Brian joked. Justin hit him on his arm earning a reproachful look from Brian. "You told me that when you were eight you wanted a horse like the one on that old TV show with Mickey Rooney." "Yeah, I wanted that horse so bad, I used to sneak down to the racetrack to see the horses. Those little trips earned me a lot of bruises. I could never figure out how my old man knew. Of course now I know it's because I probably smelled like a damn horse after hanging out with them all afternoon." Brian looked back reflectively. "I guess I either grew out of it or it was beaten out of me. After awhile I didn't bother. I still like to ride occasionally." "Well, Gus and I talk a lot, we have lots of the same interests and of course he's your son, so we have that to talk about as well. He wants a cat. Did you know that?" "He mentioned that the other night. But I didn't know it before that." "Lindsey is allergic and Mel doesn't particularly like cats so he hasn't been able to have one. The two of them agreed that Gus can have overnight visits with me once I'm settled here in the Pitts. I thought I'd get him a cat, except it seems I'm allergic to them as well. I still wanted him to have a cat among other things so I've kind of come up with a solution that should suit all of us." He looked up at Brian. "I didn't know you were going to be part of the equation quite this soon but I was hoping." Brian pulled him closer the leaned down to kiss his nose. "You wanted me with you?" "Yeah, I've always wanted that Brian. I've missed you more than you can know." "I know Justin, because that's how much I've missed you." Brian crushed his lips on Justin's. Only the lack of air caused them to break apart, that and the clapping that could be heard over their moans. Both men turned to see who was clapping. A ruggedly handsome man dressed in work jeans, boots, and flannel work shirt grinned up at them from his seat on a souped up wheel chair that had rolled toward them from a small grove of trees. "Hey, Jon, you should have a horn on that thing, or at least a bell." Justin joked. "Morning Justin, Mr. Kinney. Impressive kiss there buddy." Jon said to Justin. "How come he gets your sweet kisses, why not me?" he patted his lap "Want a ride?" He laughed at the pissed look on Brian's face. Justin turned to Brian and started to laugh as well. "Brian, it's a joke, Jon is madly in love with Chef," He looked back at Jon. "Jon, this is Brian, he's who I bought Blaze for." "Sure he can handle him Justin. Blaze needs a firm hand and this guy looks kind of soft." "'this guy' has perfect hearing asshole." Brian snarled. "What the fuck is going on Justin?" "Oh don't get you Calvin's in a bunch. Just havin' a bit of fun" Jon said as he rolled past the two men. "Come on in and see my boys. And Brian, ever since Justin told Blaze about your rep on Liberty in the old days, well he's been wanting to try you out ever since. Figures there's only room for one stallion around here." He turned and looked at Justin over his shoulder. "Justin, wait till you see how well the two little mascots you got us fit in. Poor Waldo will never be the same since he met the two of them." Justin started to follow Jon, but Brian held him back with his hand on his arm. "What's going on Justin?" he repeated "Who is that clown?" Brian was still pissed. He didn't like the familiarity everyone on the estate seemed to have with Justin. He was jealous and Brian Kinney didn't do jealous. Well he never did jealous before that he'd admit to that is. Looking into Brian's eyes, Justin realized at once what had happened. The old Brian Kinney had been replaced by a slightly insecure Brian, one who was in love with a man who was more than his equal in lots of ways. This was not going to be easy becoming a permanent couple. He was saved by shouts that were heard coming from the front of the house and rapidly moving closer. "Justin, Daddy, Justin, Daddy, where are you." Brian looked at Justin and smiled. "I guess word is out that we're here." He pulled Justin in for a quick hug - you aren't off the hook yet Baby, I'm the only man for you and don't forget it." "You've always been the only man for me Brian, I just surprised that it took you this long to figure it out." Justin kissed him back losing himself in the power of Brian's returned kiss. "Eeeeuuwww you guys are as bad as the moms." Gus said, his tongue in cheek smirk so familiar to Justin that Justin burst out laughing only to have both Kinney's look at him in puzzlement. Justin grabbed him in a hug and kissed his cheek "Hi Gus, I was only laughing because you look so much like your Dad." "I'm not that funny Justin" Brian began as he stooped to give Gus a hug and a kiss hello as well. "Hey guys, I'm getting kind of old to be hugging all the time." Gus stated. "That's for little kids and I'm the tallest guy in my class." "You'll never be too old for us to hug you Gus, that's why you're the kid." Justin teased. The three of them continued to walk toward the stables. "Even when I'm old like you guys?" "Yep, even then. Isn't that right old man?" Justin's hand had found Brian's their fingers interlocked naturally. Brian bent and kissed him as his answer. Justin smiled and turned to Gus who was pretending indifference. "So Gus, how come you came today? I thought you weren't coming until tomorrow." "Mom had to go to New York and Mommy wanted to go with her. She called and talked to Maria and she said it was probably OK but that you and Daddy were having a moment together and couldn't be disturbed." He looked at Justin and his Dad from under his eyebrows. "Were you guys having sex?" "Fuck Gus, what kind of question is that?" Brian spluttered. "Language Daddy, and it's a good question. Mom and mommy have sex they tell me they're having a nap, but I'm not dumb. The other kids at school told me all about it." "Well it's not a polite question Gus." Justin said. "Good questions are sometimes not polite and if they aren't polite than we don't ask them." "That's just dumb. You guys were probably having sex." Gus mumbled "Little kids never get to know stuff." "Suck it up Gus, that's life. Now enough of this shit, I want to know why Justin has dragged me down here" Brian had enough of the kid questions. A loud crash was heard inside the stables and some harsh sounding words in a foreign language. The three of them ran to the door and cautiously peeked inside. Jon was on the floor, his chair beside him, wheels spinning. Brian started forward but Justin's hand on his arm stopped him. Gus walked over to Jon and looked down at him. "Hey brat turn the chair upright." Jon said to Gus. "What's the magic word Jon?" Gus asked as he righted the chair. He stood behind bracing it while Jon using his well muscled arms swung himself up and settled back in." Jon stuck his tongue out at Gus and Gus giggled. "Hey short stuff this was the fault of the damn present Justin brought you." He looked toward one of the stalls. All eyes turned. An amazingly large black horse looked out at them placidly taking in the activity. Sitting at the top of his head two piercingly blue eyes stared at them out of a small chocolate face, climbing up behind was another identical ball of fur, blue eyes intent on the wiggling tail of the first one. The rear one pounced and the chase began again. The lead kitten launched itself onto Jon and then hit the floor running only to be followed by the one taking up the rear. The chased each other down the length of the barn then back again. This time the lead kitten ran up Gus's pant leg and perched on his shoulder. "Gus meet Yin and Yang, your demented friend's idea of a present." He sighed dramatically "The problem I'm having here Gus, is that Blaze has decided he likes these guys sleeping on him." He looked at Brian and Justin. "What's with these stallions and blue eyed twinks." Brian looked at Justin, their eyes meeting, the air became charged with the electricity the two of them generated when they were together. Words were unnecessary at first because what they felt for each other was clear for everyone to see. "They come into your life and in a flash take over your heart." Brian said to Jon finally, his eyes never leaving Justin's. "Will you guys stop that?" Gus piped up. "We're having a moment here," he giggled. He was sitting on the floor with the two kittens one on his shoulder her purrs could be heard loud and clear. The other curled up on his lap, enjoying being scratched under her chin. The three men laughed and Gus looked up at them indignant. Justin said "they're for you Gus. I was only going to get one but then she looked so sad without her sister that I had to bring her along as well." "They're really, really mine?" Gus looked up at Brian and Justin his eyes bright. The two men nodded. Brian's were eyes suspiciously moist. Gus carefully stood up holding one kitten with a hand on the other to keep it steady while he stood. He went over to Brian and gently hugged him "thank you Daddy" he said. He looked at Justin, his eyes wise "Thank you Justin." Justin smiled to himself. This young boy was going to go far. He knew who was really responsible for the kittens, but he also knew that his father needed some kind of acknowledgement as well. "You're welcome Gus. You have to look after these guys whenever you're here. Kittens are like babies they need lots of attention and Siamese kittens need more than most because they have waaaaaay to much energy in their little bodies." He patted the kittens who looked at him and purred. "Jon will show you where their food is. They need water too so don't forget." "I won't Justin." He looked at Brian then handed him a kitten. "You hold Ying Daddy and I'll hold Yang. We can share them. Justin can't snuggle cats because he's allergic." His eyes turned to Justin "Is it ok if Ying is Daddy's very own cat Justin? He's pretty responsible he looks after me good. He sends me stuff all the time even when he's far away." Brian looked at Justin puzzled. "I don't---" he began. Justin shook his head. "I heard about that Gus. Didn't he send you the new Gameboy last week? Yeah thanks Dad it's the best. Justin said he has one too. I can beat him on it though. Didn't you get my email thanking you?" he looked at his dad. He was worried he would think he wasn't grateful. "I sent it to bkdriemer@hotmail.com like I always do." "Oh yes, the bkdriemer addy, what was I thinking of, sorry Gus, I'll check that account more often." He kissed Justin by his ear. "My what a busy little brat you've been. How long have you been covering my butt?" "Later" Justin whispered back. He patted Brian's ass, "Nice butt to cover though" “Gus, my boy, can you put your kitten down for a minute. Blaze said that no way was he going to let your Daddy ride him unless he could have his little buddy live here. So Justin had to bring this guy.” Jon led a small Exmore pony up to Gus. “His name is – Jon was interrupted by a blur of motion as a small boy wrapped his arms around the neck of the light colored pony. “It’s Buttercup, Daddy Justin, its Buttercup like in my books you sent to me.” “Buttercup Gus?” Brian had to ask. “You remember Dad, you sent one for my birthday, on valentines day, at Easter, at Hanukah and Christmas until I had the whole collection. Justin brought them for you. You remember. Justin said that Buttercup was just like the horse you used to ride when you were my age at your grandma’s farm.” Brian looked at Justin who winked at him. “Must have slipped my mind Gus, Buttercup it is – it’s a good butch name.” He grinned down at his son then looked at Justin “Why when we weren’t even together?” he asked his voice quiet. “You have always been in my heart Brian, always.” Justin looked at Gus who was leading the pony to the training ring with Jon at his side followed closely by two curious little kittens, thin and sleek, running from shadow to shadow. “I knew that you were busy and even though you wanted to be the best dad you could be to Gus, you didn’t have the background for it. I did, and if we’d been together, I mean living together; I would have helped you with Dad lessons. So I did what I could and it worked.” His fingers linked with Brian they started to walk out of the stable to where Gus was learning how to saddle Buttercup. “Does it really matter Brian, Gus loves you and he believes you were responsible for so many things in his life and you are, you love him and you’ll never treat him the way my father treated me or your father treated you. So you learned from that and so did I.” Brian thought for a moment. In a way he resented that Justin had taken on some of the parenting responsibility for his son. But he realized that he’d done it out of love for both him and Gus. “Does Mel and Linds know it was you all this time?” He had to ask. “Never,” Justin said. “They never questioned that you would send things to your son. Except for the books everything else was delivered with your San Diego return address. I delivered the books because” he looked at Brian, “I wrote them. There is a series of them, they take place in Ireland and they are geared to six to eight year olds. There is an auburn haired boy called Brian and horse named Buttercup and they have little adventures. Mel and Linds knew I wrote the books and they figured that it wouldn’t hurt for Gus to think that you had something to do with them seeing as how you were in them. Gus just assumed when I brought the first one that it was from you and we didn’t say anything. I hope you don’t mind.” “I don’t mind Sunshine, but Buttercup, you couldn’t come up with a better name?” “Well, Buttercup is blonde and well hung, he was me.” Justin teased. Brian burst out laughing. “I see, Brian riding Buttercup every chance he got eh?” he kissed Justin his eyes dancing in merriment looked into the smiling eyes of his lover. “You must have been horny when you wrote them” “Eeeuuuh Brian, they’re kids books.” He grinned again. “But yeah, I was kind of horny. It had been a long time since I’d had my favorite Irish boy riding me.” “Boy is kind of stretching it.” “You’ll always be young and beautiful to me.” Justin said blushing. “Even when we’re ninety and one hundred and two you’ll always be the way you were that night on Liberty Avenue the most beautiful man I’d ever seen.” “Rose colored contacts on Justin?” Brian asked, but he smiled down at his lover and thought that Justin would never change for him as well. He’d always be the young blonde twink who slipped in and stole his heart when he wasn’t looking. “Brian, you want to get your horse out and ride with your son?” Jon asked. “You were serious Sunshine, Blaze is my horse?” Brian turned to look back at the haughty looking black stallion staring back at him. “My own horse?” “Well, I wanted you to have something that was different. He was too hard to wrap so I had him shipped here. I figured we could ride with Gus.” Justin pointed to a stand of trees. The property backs onto State land so there are lots of trails already there. It’s kind of fun.” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “Dad, I don’t need to have a bath.” Gus whined. “I had a bath this morning.” “Gus, you’ve been at the stables all day, trust me you need a bath.” “You and Justin aren’t having a bath.” “Justin and I had a shower when we came up from the stables. You just got here. Jon probably had to beat you with a stick to get you back at the house.” Gus giggled but he headed for the bathroom. “Can Ying and Yang come in to the house and have a bath with me?” he asked politely but he knew the answer. “No, now get in there. Do you need help washing your hair?” “Dad, I’m a big kid” “Don’t forget to use the soap.” “Daaaad” “Teasing you Gus, teasing you, I’ll put your PJ’s on the bed and you can eat supper in them. It’ll save a step later.” “Mom says I can stay up until nine thirty.” “Dad and Justin say you can stay up until eight thirty and guess where you are right now?” “What’s for supper?” Gus asked changing the subject. He stripped off his grungy clothes and Brian put them in the hamper. As Gus slipped into the steamy water Brian had a flashback to when he was Gus’s age. His son was a duplicate of him and it was slightly unnerving. “I don’t know. Justin was talking to Maria about it earlier, I’m sure it’ll be something you like.” “Hot dogs.” Gus shouted “I hope not” Brian answered with a smile. He left Gus to his bath and went to find Justin. Justin was in the kitchen with Maria, he was stirring something on the stove that smelled wonderful. He looked up smiling at Brian. “Getting some of the dirt off your son?” he asked. “He’s doing it himself. He’s a big boy.” Brian smirked. He sat at the kitchen table turning his chair so he was facing Justin and Maria. He watched them work together with a minimum of fuss. “What’s for supper not hot dogs I hope.” “No not hot dogs, that’s tomorrow’s lunch.” Justin laughed. “I always make hot dogs for Gus it’s his favorite.” Justin looked pointedly at Brian’s crotch and mimed eating a hot dog. “Don’t even go there Sunshine” Brian said but he laughed. Justin walked past and Brian scooped him onto his lap. “Gotcha, now be a good partner and kiss me.” Justin still had the wooden spoon in his hand from his time at the stove and when Brian leaned in for a kiss Justin put the tip in Brian’s mouth. “Do you like it?” he asked. Brian removed the spoon but not before making sure it was wiped clean. He pressed is lips to Justin’s and slipped his tongue between the soft lips. “Tastes like caramel very good.” He said. “It is caramel; it’s a sauce for the dessert.” He returned Brian’s kiss. “Tastes good on your lips though, maybe later?” His look questioning and promising at the same time made Brian hard in anticipation of later games. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “Dad, read me a story.” Gus asked. He was sleepy but he didn’t often have his father so close by. “Aren’t you too old to be read to Gus?” Brian said. He bent down and kissed his sleepy son on the forehead. “I can read myself Dad, but Justin has the Buttercup books here and I want to hear the first one where Brian finds Buttercup standing under the light at the end of his street.” He looked shy, “it’s the one where Brian and Buttercup have their first adventure. They have to hide from the evil Mickey. He’s a real mean rat and he’s always trying to trick Brian into leaving Buttercup. Please Dad, just this once.” Brian pulled up the desk chair so he was sitting close to Gus’s bed. He took the small book that Gus indicated and opened it. The first page had the dedication – Written for a love always remembered – Soon he was deep into the adventures of Brian and Buttercup. Gus fell asleep just as Brian began to read the second chapter in the short book. Brian pulled the covers up over his shoulders and continued to read brushing a tear away every now and then. Not because the story was sad. The Hero Brian and his Buttercup had a wonderful fun time together, but because of the obvious love that the book was written with - a love that was given freely with no strings attached. Justin had wandered down to Gus’s room when Brian began to read the story out loud. He looked in and smiled at the scene before him. It was too good to pass up. He quickly went back to his room and got his sketch book and pencils. Brian never noticed when Justin came back sitting cross legged in the hallway busy sketching father and son. He almost laughed out loud when Brian continued to read the story after Gus fell asleep. When the final page was read Justin got up. He crossed the room silently kissed Gus then held out his hand to the man he loved. Together they left the room hand in hand. Before they pulled the door almost shut they turned for one last look at the young boy they both loved “He’s beautiful Brian.” Justin whispered. “He is.” Brian let his arm fall on Justin’s shoulders and he pulled him close foreheads touching. “It’s going to work with us this time Sunshine, isn’t it?” he asked. “Always and forever Brian, always and forever.”