Days of Wine and Roses Part 3 Brian woke up his head feeling like it was filled with cotton. The room was unnaturally dark. He could hear rain pounding against the window. Yesterday the weather had been perfect and today a torrential downpour. I just fucking figures he thought. He was going to ask Justin to go to the beach with him, have a lazy day doing not much of anything. He made himself leave the comfort of his bed and stumbled into the bathroom. Maybe a hot shower would liven him up. He stood under the spray letting the pulse of the water beat down on his skin. He kept thinking of the sad blue eyes that he had left last night. The kissable lips that drew him like a magnet to taste their sweetness. He shook his head and stepped out of the shower. He dried off and pulled on a pair of jeans, padding down to make coffee in his efficient kitchen. He smiled when he opened the fridge and saw the bowl of Jambalaya that Justin had made the day before. It had become his favorite meal and Justin was right. It did taste better the next day. He pulled out his phone and called down to the apartment below and let it ring more then ten times not really expecting an answer. He knew Justin hated to get out of bed and with the rain he was sure to stay put unless pried out. He puttered around until it was almost nine then thought he’d go wake up his blonde neighbor. Brian knew before he was halfway down the steps that something wasn’t right. His fears were realized when he saw the wide open doorway. His heart was heavy when he walked in. He knew that the place was empty, the very life had gone out of the large room. It didn’t take him long to find Justin’s note and only a few heartbeats to finish reading it. He sat at the kitchen stool and looked around he saw the smiley heart no longer smiling and his hand angrily swept the counter clean, Smarties scattering across the floor. Brian had been friends with Michael since he was fourteen, almost ten years. He’d had his share of backroom rendezvous and midnight trysts but he’d never felt his heart stir at the site of a blonde head moving through a crowd. He’d never spent hours staring into space remembering a smile, a touch, a kiss. He looked around the empty loft again, maybe he’d missed something, and maybe Justin really hadn’t left. He never even noticed the tear that slipped over the edge of his tear filled eyes; he never noticed it until the splash on the granite counter made the sound that he knew was his heart cracking. He stood up to leave when he noticed that two rose buds were missing from the bouquet on the counter. The knowledge that Justin had needed to take those two roses with him where ever he was going gave him hope that Justin would return. He picked up the flowers and walked out the door heading back to his loft. He’d been too busy with his own life, trying to finish University, moving ahead in his job, to really get to know the man he was half in love with. And he wondered if it was too late. Had he missed an opportunity that might never happen again? ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ The first stop Justin made before he left Pittsburgh was to the cemetery where Billy’s body had been placed. It took him almost an hour to find the small headstone in the rain. He’d never been there before; somehow he knew that if he saw the stone, saw the words, then it would mean that Billy really had died. He really hadn’t gone off on a summer vacation and never returned, a fantasy that had played and replayed in Justin’s head for almost a year after that July forth day of horror. “Hey Billy boy, I finally made it. I wanted to stop by before I left town. Sorry I didn’t get here before this, but you know how it is.” Justin put his hands in his pockets and began to pace up and down. Visions of Buffy in her coffin running through his mind which was stupid but that’s all he could think of. “The thing is I’ve met this guy, you’d probably like him, he’s a couple of years older than us but he’s --- well he’s to die for – did I make you laugh Billy?” Justin giggled half heartedly at his attempt at humor. “I think I’m falling for him, in fact I think I already have. How’s that for funny, me a queer, too chicken to ever do anything so I’m a virgin at twenty, remember how we said we’d do it on our eighteenth birthday. Well, I didn’t, I guess that’s another promise I broke to you. I said you were the only guy for me and it turns out you weren’t. But I won’t ever stop loving you and I’ll never forget you Billy.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out one of the yellow rose buds he’d removed from the bouquet. “Irish gave me these, no one ever gave me flowers before, well you did that once, when we were seven and you pulled up the tulips in your mom’s garden. But Irish actually went out and bought them. He said we were having a first date. I wanted to throw my arms around him and hold him forever, but I didn’t. He said yellow roses were for friendship. So I’m giving you one because we’ll always be friends and I know Irish would be a good friend to you too.” He placed the small yellow bud on the ground in front of the stone. He let his fingers trace his friends name on the granite headstone. Then he stood up straight and walked the long cold wet walk back to his car, never looking back, not noticing that the rain had stopped and the sun was breaking through the clouds directly over the small stone with the yellow rose bud in front of it. He drove down the road, past the entrance to the Country Club until he was finally able to turn onto the highway. The decision about where he was going hadn’t been made yet. But after awhile he realized that he was heading north, maybe he would stop in New York or maybe travel further and head up into Canada. Where ever he went he sure hoped he’d get it straight in his head about how he felt about Brian. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Brian arrived at work on Monday with a plan to discover what he could about Justin’s past. He had to know what had happened to him, who this Billy was, and what part Chris Hobbs had played. For the past four years he’d been involved with his studies, working two and sometimes three jobs and just trying to survive. It was only the past year, when he somehow had managed to land the job at the Ryder Agency that he’d been able to relax enough to begin to enjoy life. There were times when he was sure that he couldn’t even remember having lived for parts of those years, he’d been so exhausted most of the time. “Cynthia” Brian said, his finger on the intercom button. “Can I see you in here for a minute?” He still wasn’t used to having his own secretary, assistant or what ever she was. He knew he was brusque sometime because of it but he did try hard not to be. “Yes, Mr. Kinney?” she walked in closing the door behind her and sat down in the chair in front of his desk. “I need you to get some back issues of the local newspaper. I think from July fifth four years ago up to maybe the fall of the next year.” He reached into his wallet and handed her a credit card. It was the first one he’d ever had and he was nervous about using it but still he had to know. “Use this to pay for them; I don’t want it going through the company. It’s an idea I had that might not pan out. I’d appreciate it if this was between you and I, Mr. Ryder doesn’t need to know yet.” “I understand Mr. Kinney. I’ll get right on it.” Cynthia began to get up preparing to leave. “Mr. Kinney, your friend Ted called earlier. He has the information you were looking for.” “Thanks Cynthia. I’ll call him back.” “Hey Ted, what’s up?” Brian asked when he reached his friend. “I couldn’t get exact numbers Brian, but your little blonde doesn’t have to worry about where to find the next dime. He came into a large trust when he turned eighteen that will continue to increase on his twenty first and thirtieth birthday. He administers it himself as well as his sister’s trust. He is more than qualified to do it because he managed to get his degree in Business Administration last year by combining the four year program into two years. He owns all but your loft in your building and four other buildings in the area. He was supposed to take over some of the Ryder Agency in the spring but for some reason backed out of it. No one is sure why but conflict of interest was mentioned but conflict of what interest no one knew. It was just something that Justin had told someone in my office.” “Hey, I appreciate you looking into this for me Ted. I’ll see you and Michael later tonight.” Brian sat back and thought about what Ted had told him. It confirmed part of what he already knew. He let his mind wander back to when he had first met Justin. It had been early in February, by March he was interning with Ryder. Justin must have known that and that’s why he decided not to work here himself. For a kid that professed to be such a cynic, he always seemed to put everyone else first. It had only been one day without Justin in the loft building and Brian missed him already. He knew it was unreasonable to be missing the kid. But he did. He’d found himself Sunday night going to the third floor apartment and picking up all the Smarties he’d scattered on the floor and making another smiley heart, two blue candies for eyes. He went out and bought a crystal vase and another half dozen yellow roses and put them on the black granite counter where the first ones had stood. If Justin came back he’d find them and maybe smile his sunshine smile. Brian missed that smile. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Molly was tired of listening to the ongoing argument between her parents. Her dad was mad that Justin had brought Brian to the picnic and her mother was sad that Justin had gone away for awhile. She was pretty sure that Justin would be back soon. He wasn’t as sad as he used to be since Billy had gone to Heaven, in fact he was pretty happy since he had Brian. Justin didn’t know that she had heard him talking about Brian to his friend Daphne when she had come to visit in April. His eyes got all soft whenever he said his name and Daphne teased him about it. She loved her brother and wanted to help him and she hated to listen to her parents arguing. It made her stomach hurt. She checked the pockets of her dress that she was wearing at the July forth picnic and found the card Brian had given her. Maybe if she gave Brian some hints about things Justin liked, he could be his boyfriend for real. She punched in the numbers on the card and a lady answered. “Brian Kinney’s office, Cynthia speaking” Molly thought the voice sounded nice. “Can I speak to Brian” she said firmly. She was trying to sound grown up. “I’ll see if he can take your call, can I tell him who’s calling?” “It’s Molly Taylor.” “I’ll check Molly, and get right back to you.” Cynthia smiled when she rang Brian’s office. It must be Justin Taylor’s younger sister. “Mr. Kinney there’s a call for you on line one, a Molly Taylor.” “I’ll take it now and Cynthia, add Molly to the my list of callers that can be put through immediately.” “Yes, Mr. Kinney.” “OK Molly, I’m transferring your call now.” “Thank you” said the soft voice of Molly. “Hi Molly, what’s can I do for you?” Brian was curious about this call. He never really expected to hear from the young girl.” “Do you think you might get to be Justin’s boyfriend someday?” she asked. “I suppose that could happen Molly but Justin has to make that decision all by himself.” “Maybe if I told you some of Justin’s favorite things it would kind of help. Would that be cheating?” “No, it wouldn’t be cheating.” “My friend said it would give you an unfair advantage if you really were just ‘toying with his affections.” I’m not sure I know what that means but I didn’t want to ask because she already thinks I’m too much of a baby in some ways just because I stick to Mommy and Daddy’s rules all the time.” “It means it would maybe make Justin like me better so that I could take what I want from him and then leave.” “That would be pretty mean so I guess you wouldn’t do that.” “You don’t know that for sure honey, because you don’t really know me. You have to be careful with people.” “I know all about the no talking to strangers’ thing – I mean I am thirteen Brian. I’ve heard it all my whole life. But you aren’t a stranger. And ..” she hesitated “You have happy eyes when you look at Justin.” Brian didn’t know what to say. The concern this young girl had for her brother was a foreign concept to him. His own sister could care less if he lived or died and yet this thirteen year old wanted her brother to be happy. “Brian” Molly began again. “Justin’s favorite movie is Yellow Submarine. He watched it so many times Daddy had to buy him a new tape ‘cause he wore it out. He said he wanted to be able to do art work like that movie only better some day.” “Now that’s something I didn’t know.” “He watches old movies all the time and he cries when he watches them. He said I wasn’t supposed to tell anybody about that, but I don’t think he meant not tell you.” Brian laughed. “I won’t tell anyone Molly.” “And he likes to dance. He dances all the time. Mom thinks he’s too lazy to get his apartment fixed up but it’s because he likes the space to dance in. He brings me and my friends there and teaches us all these really neat dances.” “Well, I guess you’ll have to teach me then, because I don’t know how to dance very well.” “Hey that would be great. I’m going to tell Mommy and call you back. Bye bye.” Molly hung up the phone to run and tell her mother that she was going to teach Brian how to dance. That was how Brian ended up two nights later in one of the side rooms at the Country Club, surrounded by young girls thirteen to sixteen years old, four mothers and a bored teenaged son who was manning the sound system. Seems Wednesday evenings there was a dance class. When Jennifer Taylor called him earlier that morning to let him know the time he should be there Brian had been so surprised he couldn’t quickly think of a way to get out of it. He walked in a few minutes early. His first surprise was when he arrived only to have the Assistant Manager greet him by name and hand him a membership card. “Mrs. Taylor took the liberty of adding your name to our membership list. The membership will be paid by Ryder Agency, but it is in your name sir. I’ve forwarded the booklet stating the rules of the club and the hours that the various activities take place to your office. You may run a monthly tab in the restaurant but it is to be settled by the fifteenth of the next month. Welcome to the Club, I hope to see you often.” His next surprise was how much fun he had with all the women and young girls as they were put through the dance steps by a stiff backed woman of sixty. Jennifer had introduced him as a friend of her sons and an executive at Ryder Agency. That’s all that needed to be said. Brian was accepted by all of them. He laughed and joked will all of the girls and charmed the mothers. Two hours of dance practice had them all tired and thirsty. “Mom, can we get a cold drink here before we go home?” Molly asked. Before Jennifer could say a word the cry was taken up by all of the kids. The mother’s looked at each other and shrugged. “Brian, looks like we’re staying for a drink and if I know the girls then they’ll want to eat as well. You will join us won’t you?” Jennifer asked. Brian saw the look in Molly’s eye and couldn’t resist the female version of the man he missed so much. “No problem ladies. I’d love to join you.” They all sat around a two large tables that had been pushed together. Molly made sure she was sitting beside Brian by grabbing his hand on the way to the patio and announcing to the rest. “Brian is my brother’s boyfriend so I get to sit beside him.” Silence fell while the group digested this bit of information. “Molly, how can Brian be your brother’s boyfriend, they’re both boys?” a small voice asked. Brian looked to Jennifer for help and then to the other three mothers. They all shook their heads. Jennifer said “I’m sure your mother’s will explain it some day girls.” But Molly, not to be outdone and figuring for once she knew more than the others said “Justin and Brian like boys better than girls to kiss. I like boys better than girls to kiss, but some girls like other girls better than boys to kiss. Justin told me it was a mystery of life and I would understand it more when I was older.” She looked up at Brian. “That’s right isn’t it Brian?” She asked. “If Justin said so then it must be right.” Brian said. That uncomfortable subject dealt with they all ordered their drinks and snacks. Finally Brian felt he was able to escape. “Jennifer, Molly, ladies I’m heading home now. Thank you for the lessons.” He leaned down and kissed Molly’s cheek amused by her blush. “Later” he said as he walked out the door. Brian drove home thinking of the last few days. He’d read all the papers that Cynthia had located for him and learned that Billy had been attacked first then Justin when he inadvertently had found him. Justin had suffered severe head trauma and clung to life for almost ten days before beginning his recovery. His friend hadn’t been so lucky. What the attacker hadn’t counted on was Justin waking up. It was his testimony along with two witnesses that made sure Chris Hobbs was convicted, unfortunately the age of the of Chris Hobbs and his social standing in the community had him tried as a young offender and while he did spend almost three years in jail, that’s all he spent for taking the life of another and almost taking Justin’s life. He drove to Woody’s hoping that Michael and Ted would be there. The two of them were there as well as Emmett Honeycutt. Emmett’s cheerful disposition had let him quickly fit in with the other’s and now when Michael or Ted were together, Emmett was there as well. “Hey Brian” Emmett said being the first to spot Brian as he walked in the door. “Hi guys” Brian said. They moved over to let him sit on a stool in the middle of the group. He signaled for a beer and almost drained it when the cold bottle was put in his hand. “Did any of you guys here about some kid getting bashed at the Country Club a couple of years ago? Was it a gay bashing?” “Wasn’t that the one where the one kid died and the other one was in a coma for ages?” Ted asked Michael. “Remember the kid that didn’t die he was some kind of kung fu champion and there were jokes all over town about why didn’t he kick some ass if he was so hot.” “That was a bit unfair don’t you think guys. A little hard to defend yourself when your friend is lying dead in your arms. I think that’s how the newspapers described the scene when the ambulance arrived.” Brian couldn’t believe these guys. Didn’t they even care? “I don’t remember that part Brian.” Michael said. “There was some talk about it maybe being a gay bashing, but it was at the Country Club for gawd’s sake, probably fighting over who was taking Susie to the picnic.” Brian studied his empty beer bottle and signaled for another. If this is what people were saying now, it must have been hell for Justin back then. On top of losing your friend, someone you loved, you had the community you belonged to questioning why you didn’t defend him. Completely ignoring the injuries Justin had suffered himself. No wonder Justin shied away from love and relationships. He drank his beer and sat in silence listening to the voices around him who by now were discussing at full volume the reasons for the bashing incident on that forth of July. He became more disgusted with all of them the longer they talked. He was about to leave when a low voice said. “It was Justin wasn’t it?” he turned and looked at Emmett. “It must be hell for him” Emmett said. “Can you imagine, all that ability to defend but unable to do anything and your friend dead?” He wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. “We’re just going to have to love him that much more.” He patted Brian’s arm. “You tell him I’m sorry when you see him next.” He turned and walked away. Brian lay awake that night, staring at his picture on the wall at the end of the bed. His Country Club boy hadn’t had it any easier then he’d had growing up. Different scars, different hurts, but painful never the less. He fell asleep with the waltz music swirling in his head from the dance classes earlier a vision of a blonde held loosely in his arms as the twirled around the dance floor. He got up early and stopped at the corner grocery before heading to the cemetery. He managed to locate Billy’s headstone with the help of the caretaker who was just starting his day. He stood there looking at the small stone and noticed a yellow rose bud drying up in front of the stone. Justin had been there, probably the morning he’d left. Brian placed the small bouquet of yellow roses down on the grass. “For friendship Billy.” He said and turned and walked back to his car his hands in his pocket. Brian had been working steady since he’d arrived. His phone rang “Mr. Kinney, your appointment for the tailoring of your suit has been changed to four thirty.” Cynthia announced. “What appointment and for that matter what suit?” Brian asked as he walked our to stand in front of Cynthia’s desk. “I understood that it was something Justin had arranged Mr. Kinney.” She searched her desk top. “I’m sorry, this came for you earlier.” She handed Brian an envelope with his name written across it in Justin’s handwriting. Brian held the envelope in his hand like it might explode. He didn’t have the strength to say anything to Cynthia about not giving it to him earlier. He tore it open and read. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Irish, I was walking around New York today and saw this in a window and had to buy it for you. I could picture you walking into your meeting with Liberty Air on Friday and blowing them all away with your beautiful self tall and handsome with an air of mystery all wrapped up in Armani. You will give the best presentation they’ll ever hear. I can see Uncle Marty grinning now. Don’t say no, because it’s not returnable. I made an appointment for you with Mr. Boyd, my tailor to make any adjustments that are required. He’ll have it ready for you late tonight or early Friday morning. Sorry I couldn’t get it there sooner. Irish, your smile is showing. Later, Justin ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Brian laughed when he read the short note. “I guess I now own an Armani suit” he thought. “I wonder what it looks like, hope the kid didn’t pick out some weird ass color.” When he walked into the meeting with Liberty air Friday afternoon, dressed in a charcoal grey Armani suit he almost laughed out loud at the look on Marty Ryder’s face. The meeting went smoothly and the contract was signed at the end. Brian had felt confident in himself from the moment he’d put on the suit that morning. Knowing that Justin believed in him buoyed his spirit. He walked back to his office walking on air. His first major contract that was the direct result of his efforts, he opened his office door; Cynthia had left for the day. A large bouquet of yellow roses sat on the edge of his desk. He smiled to himself. They had to be from Justin. He pulled the card off of them and opened it up. His fingers trembling in his haste to read what was said. Congratulations Irish, I knew you were going to win this one. Justin Brian was still smiling to himself when he made his supper and ate it. He was still smiling when Michael called to remind him about Babylon. He missed Justin more than he had imagined he would. The only sad note was that tonight was the night that Justin was supposed to have gone to Babylon with him. He was about to grab his keys and head for the door by ten that night. He’d be a little bit late, but really the other’s expected it from him he was sure when he heard a knock on his door. He pulled open the door only to see a familiar blonde head. “Hey Irish, what time is our date tonight.” Justin asked. “Because I’m starved. Do they feed you at Babylon or do we have to get something on the way?” He looked up into Brian’s eyes and grinned. “Sunshine?” Brian asked, then he pulled Justin into his arms holding him close in a tight hug. He leaned down and kissed the top of his head. “I can’t breathe Irish” Justin pushed him away. “We had a bet that I’d go with you to Babylon. I always honor my bets.” “You’re note said you’d be gone for the summer.” “I am gone for the summer. But I promised you this night. I don’t break my promises Irish.” “You came back just to go to Babylon?” “I came back to go to Babylon with the hottest young ad executive in Pittsburgh.” He smiled up at Brian “There’s a difference Irish.” “Hey Sunshine, I love the suit. But you really didn’t have to do that.” “I know that, that’s why I did it. I like to be full of surprises.” He wrapped his arms around Brian’s waist and rested his head against the hard chest. Brian’s arms instinctively made their way around Justin holding him tight. He let his chin rest on blonde silk, inhaling the freshly showered smell of him. “You are full of surprises Sunshine” he whispered. “Holding you in my arms is a surprise that’s for sure.” They stayed there for a few more seconds then Justin pulled away. “Come on Irish, we don’t want to miss this. Can we stop at McDonalds, I’m starved.” Brian had to laugh, he reluctantly let Justin go. “Stop with the ‘Irish’ Sunshine” he began. He voiced this automatically but was almost getting to like hearing Justin call him this. Justin grinned at him then headed down the stairs two at a time until he’d reached the bottom. He had the door open and was tapping his foot impatiently. “Move it Irish, I’m huuuuungry” he shouted. “You know, you could have eaten on your way here” Brian stepped up to his car and opened the door for Justin. “I’m sure you must have passed the odd drive thru.” “But I might have missed you. Traffic was a bitch and I didn’t want you to think I’d broken my promise.” “Justin, I really wasn’t expecting you tonight. You said you needed some time. I’m willing to give it to you.” “I know you are, that’s what I like about you, you don’t ask too many questions.” “That’s all you like?” Brian started the car and pulled away from the curb. “Well, there are a couple of other reasons I’m sure I could think of them if you give me enough time.” “Twat” Brian smiled. There were a couple of reasons that he was with Justin as well that he wasn’t prepared to share at the moment. This dance they seemed to be doing was so involved and unusual. Two queers as far as Brian was concerned usually fucked first and discovered each other later. Yet with Justin, he knew he wasn’t ready for the commitment that he would feel if they actually were intimate. He drove through the dark summer streets. He could feel Justin’s nervousness the closer they came to Liberty Avenue and Babylon. He glanced over and saw him visibly straighten shoulders when they pulled into the parking space. He parked the car then reached over and took Justin’s hand. “Look Sunshine, it was just a bet made in fun. You don’t have to go in here.” “I’m going in” Justin said. He looked straight ahead yet his hand clenched Brian’s. “I should warn you, I don’t do too well in crowds, not bad if I’m outside, but Woody’s was the closest I’ve been to an inside crowd and I didn’t really last long in there either.” He looked at Brian, his eyes haunted by memories that he wasn’t yet prepared to share with this gentle Irishman. “Let’s go Irish; I’m going to do this. I promised.” Brian brought the hand to his lips and kissed the palm. “We’ll go slow” Justin gave him a lopsided grin “Thanks” he waited for Brian to come around and open his door for him. Brian’s old fashioned manners were one of the first things that Justin had noticed in him and one of the first things that had helped to make him feel safe with Brian. They were almost to the door when Michael, Ted and Emmett approached. “Hey” Justin and Brian said together. “I didn’t know you two were coming here tonight” Michael said. He looked at Brian and ignored Justin. Brian let his hand slip into Justin’s; their fingers threaded themselves together naturally. “Couldn’t come up with a better place to take Justin on our second date” Brian smiled a soft smile at the surprise on Justin’s face. “Date? You guys are dating?” Michael said “But – “How sweet guys. Justin you make sure he looks after you tonight. I’ve already heard stories about Brian Kinney.” Emmett said. “Brian is just teasing you guys. I don’t date.” Justin said. “We’re here because I lost a bet.” Brian leaned down and whispered in his ear. “I’m still going to think of it as a date.” He laughed when Justin blushed. “What did he say?” Ted asked. “It’s a mystery” Justin answered, but gently squeezed Brian’s hand. With Brian holding his hand firmly and leading the way Justin managed to contain his panic when they entered the cavernous dark space filled with gyrating dancers, dancing to the hypnotic rhythm of a popular song. Brian led the group up some stairs to one of the bars. He bought Justin a beer but never let go of his hand. Only when Justin was forced to pick up the beer did Brian let go and then only to wrap an arm around the young man’s shoulders keeping him close to his side. He did this so smoothly that no one noticed anything unusual. Gradually Justin relaxed into the comforting embrace and began to take notice of his surroundings. Once Brian felt him relax, he moved them to the front of the cat walk and they stood watching the dancers below. Brian stayed tuned to Justin’s body movements. He felt him start to move slightly in tune with the music, he bent down and said into his ear. “Want to dance?” Justin looked into his eyes, his own eyes darting franticly back to the dance floor then to Brian’s eyes, almost panicking. The firm hold Brian had on him and the steadiness of the tall firm body calmed him. He nodded his head. He did want to dance. It had been, well he’d never danced with anyone since Billy other than his mother and Molly and her friends. He’d never danced in public. It was funny, he could perform in front of other’s demonstrating Tae Kwon Do, though he hadn’t competed in public for more than three years. He never felt the butterflies of nervousness ever until now. And really no one would be paying him any attention at all out on the dance floor. This was all going through his mind as Brian led him down to the crowded dance floor. The music changed and the song “Let’s Hear it for the Boy” washed over the crowd. It was fate as far as Justin was concerned. Still keeping one hand on Brian he began to dance. He let his eyes close for a moment savoring the feeling of release that dancing had always brought him and opened them to lock with the hazel eyes that were looking into his blue ones. He could see love and affection in those expressive eyes and he wondered if he were reading too much into a casual dance. Brian could see the expressions change on his face and knew that Justin was over analyzing things. He bent down until their foreheads touched. He let his hand come up and he ran his thumb lightly down the side of Justin’s face, tracing the gently planes, letting his hand memorize the feel of the soft skin, lightly covered in golden down. His thumb stopped at Justin’s lips and when he ran it across Justin pursed his lips and kissed Brian’s thumb, the tip of his tongue lightly touching it. A shiver of pleasure rushed through to Brian’s groin. The two of them were alone on the dance floor in their minds. Brian let his hand cup the back of Justin’s head and this time when their lips met, the gentle caress that they usually shared melted into a clash of passion filled promise, tongues reaching deep and knees going weak. With a shake of his head Justin broke away. His breath was coming in pants and never before had his cock been so hard. “That was some kiss Irish.” He said his voice shaky. Brian let his hand run down Justin’s arm. He was shaken as well; for all the times he kissed another man he’d never felt it to his core like this. “You must have been practicing Sunshine.” He teased. Justin smiled and didn’t answer. Why was heart beating so fast he was wondering? He had to get out of here. “Gotta go Brian, I need some air.” He could feel the start of a panic attack coming on. He began to blindly push his way through the crowd, not knowing even where the exits were. He was about to lose it completely when two strong arms circled him from behind. “Close your eyes Sunshine. Feel my arms, they’re holding you tight. Put your head back on my chest. That’s right, feel my heart beating, that’s it, now let my heart beat for yours, there, let my lungs breathe for yours, that’s it, feel it. Our bodies are together, my arms are holding you. He moved so Justin was facing him, his head tight to Brian’s chest. Don’t worry, no one has noticed anything. If anyone sees us standing here they’ll just think you love me and I love you and were having a moment. It happens Sunshine, even with queers. They stood like that until Brian felt Justin’s breathing return to normal. He kissed the top of the blonde head then gradually turned Justin until they were able to walk out. Michael, Ted and Emmett were approaching and he waved them away with one hand. Justin never noticed his eyes were shut; he was letting Brian lead him out of the club. Trusting completely that Brian would keep him safe. He opened his eyes when he felt the night air. He shuddered but made no attempt to leave the protection of Brian’s arms. He looked up at Brian “Irish – I” he began. Brian raised a finger to Justin’s lips and stopped the words. “Too much all at once, that’s all. You did pretty good until you started to seduce me” he teased. Justin gave him a half hearted smile. “Fuck you Irish” he mumbled. “Didn’t I tell you that I’d have to know you a lot better before you could do that Sunshine?” he kissed Justin’s forehead as the continued to walk to the car his arm keeping the trembling young man close to him. “But if you’re a good boy maybe you can later.” Justin smile was full blown this time. “I could really start to love you Irish” he said. “You make me smile.” Brian held the door open while Justin got in and before he closed it he kissed Justin softly on his lips “that’s the plan Sunshine” he whispered. “That’s the plan.” The drive to the loft building was silent. Justin kept his hand on Brian’s leg while they drove to keep the connection that made him feel so safe. Brian could feel the heat of his hand sear his skin, he was sure that he’d have the imprint on his thigh forever, branding him somehow as the property of Justin Taylor. They were at Justin’s door when Justin said in a quiet voice. “Can I sleep at your place tonight Irish? I don’t want to be alone.” Brian’s answer was to continue to lead him up the final flight of stairs. Brian wasn’t sure what Justin wanted, maybe he did want someone closer than a concrete floor. When they got to the apartment Justin said “Just give me a blanket, I’ll take the sofa.” Brian retrieved a blanket from the linen closet and handed it to Justin. “You know where everything is Justin. Later.” He was about to turn when Justin reached up and let his lips brush his. “Later Brian” he whispered - the name so seldom heard from Justin’s lips that Brian felt it like a caress. An hour of listening in the dark to Justin tossing and turning on the sofa had Brian half mad with desire and concern. A strange combination but one that was becoming very familiar the longer he knew Justin. He was about to get up when he heard bare feet padding toward him. He pulled back the duvet and a soft body crawled into the bed. He pulled the duvet up over his shoulders. Justin put his arm around Brian’s chest and his head on the warm shoulder, one leg over Brian’s in the identical pose of the picture at the end of the bed. He never said a word and neither did Brian, almost instantly soft regular breathing told Brian that Justin was sleeping. Holding Justin in his arms, feeling the puffs of breath moving across his chest Brian felt content. If he could spend the rest of his life in bed holding Justin he'd be happy. But he knew he would be delusional if he even considered the possibility. Justin came from another world and as much as he might work to become his equal in business, they would always be worlds apart in many other ways. Right now that didn't matter though. Justin had demons to fight and he needed help in fighting them as much as he didn't want to admit it. Brian finally drifted off to sleep as the dawn approached. When the sunlight streaming in the window finally woke him, he wasn't surprised to find himself alone in the bed. It's hard to admit even to yourself that you can't fight emotional battles on your own. He knew that from personal experience. He'd had Michael and Ted and even Debbie and Vic to help him through his own demons while he was growing up in the Kinney house of hell. Justin on the other hand didn't appear to have anyone he could turn to. His friends were superficial ones and his parents were of a whole different minds set. He showered and put on his work out clothes. He'd go down to the dojo and work off last night's trip to McDonalds. Walking down the stairs to the first floor he heard the loud music that Justin used when he was practicing. He stood for a moment in the doorway watching the blonde move through his ritual thrusts and kicks. He walked in and moved to the treadmill, positioned the screens so he could watch Justin. By the sweat on his gi he knew that he'd been there at least an hour. But he didn't slow down, he continued through the movements increasing the tempo until he was a blur. Brian knew what he was doing. He was using his Tae Kwon Do to exhaust himself so he wouldn't have to deal mentally with his demons. Some used drugs and sex, some alcohol and some like Justin used exhaustion. Justin worked his way faster and faster through the ritual moves until he reached the sixth dan poomse. Then he began to work backwards slowing gradually in a cool down stage. He wanted to collapse on the floor of the dojo, and it was only then that he saw Brian running on the treadmill. He'd been so focused before that he'd never noticed the man who was causing his inner demons to rebel enter the room. He smiled at Brian and waved moving quickly up the stairs. He'd wanted to be gone before Brian was awake. He had a fast shower and wrote a hastily scribbled note to Brian, which he dashed upstairs and left in the middle of the big bed. The bed where he had slept in peace for the first time since he could remember it had been so long. He moved silently back down the stairs, past the open door to the dojo where he could hear the clinking of the metal weights on the machine Brian was using. "Later Brian" he whispered as the heavy outside door closed. When Brian heard the door shut he moved to look out the window. He watched Justin throw his duffle bag into the back of the car. His heart felt heavy when he saw the blonde wipe his eyes with the back of his hand before climbing in and moving out into the traffic. He'd know Justin was going to leave again. He still didn't fully understand why he'd come back last night. But he was glad he'd had the opportunity to offer what support he could. He climbed the stairs slowly pausing briefly in front of the closed door on the third floor. He moved through the empty loft on the forth floor and he wondered what the next step was going to be in this soap opera that was his and Justin's life. He was almost through the bathroom door on his way to shower when the stark whiteness of a folded note caught his eye contrasting with the deep blue of the duvet. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Irish, Do you believe in love? Is it really possible for two queers to live together as a couple? Why do I feel so safe in your arms? You are only a man. Why do your kisses burn into my very soul? You are only a man. Is love supposed to hurt? Riding his trusty black charger the Princess has gone to find the answers to these questions and many more. Is it too much to ask you to wait until I find the answers? Am I presuming too much about how you feel? Later, Justin. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ "Justin" he thought "why in hell do you ask these questions when it's impossible for me to answer them?" He started his shower turning the water as hot as he could stand it. Trying to burn the touch of the blonde off his skin and finally having to concede that he'd been branded for life by the strong fingers, soft breath and warm head that had lain on his chest last night. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Justin stopped only twice on his way out of town. At the second stop he moved quickly through the stones, his footsteps swift and sure. He was about to lay the yellow roses down when he notice another small bouquet there and he smiled to himself, his heart suddenly light. "Hey Billy, I see Brian's been here. I told you he'd be a good friend. I brought you some more. I think I'll go up to where we used to camp, maybe paint a bit and work on what I'm feeling for Brian. He's sort of the ultimate boyfriend. Gorgeous, intelligent, incredibly hot, did I mention that. And I think he likes me. I'm not sure for sure, I haven't talked to him about it. I guess I'm scared. Which is stupid because in the grand scheme of life what does it matter. I feel complete though when I'm with him. Can you give me a shove or something in the right direction, I know you're watching over me. Later Billy." Justin turned and walked back to his car only turning once to see the two bouquets of roses shining golden yellow against the green summer grass. Justin drove on heading toward his favorite summer spot. He’d spent some of his best summers at Billy’s grandfather’s farm. He was sure that Billy’s grandparents wouldn’t mind him staying in the old hunting cabin by the lake. And two hours later, and only minutes from Pittsburgh he took his leave from the old folks and drove on the overgrown driveway up to the small one room hunting cabin. Somehow it looked smaller and more desolate than it did when he and Billy would spend the long summer days there talking about what there were going be when they grew older. This was where their first kiss was traded, the first tentative hand jobs, the promises of lifelong devotion. He opened the door, not sure what to expect. They were planning on spending the summer here, one last moment of sloth before they both would begin their senior year at St. James. He pushed aside a few cobwebs and let his eyes get used to the dusky light filtering through the dirt covered windows. Two sleeping bags were still rolled up on the narrow bed. One of the bags was mouse chewed. His sketch book sat on the small table. He picked it up and blew the dust off making him sneeze and idly flipped the pages. Page after page of his friends, Billy, his grandparents, some of the farm animals, he was surprised at how much his drawing ability had changed. How improved he was even with his right hand tiring quickly. He rubbed his wrist with his other hand and massaged his fingers an unconscious reaction that he wasn’t aware of doing. It took him until almost dark to make the small room clean enough to let him sleep. He shook out his sleeping bag then stood back and surveyed the rooms. He needed time to think about what he wanted, who he wanted. He needed to decide whether it was alright to love Brian. They were both young, they had many years ahead of the two of them, maybe it was too early to decide who you were going to spend the rest of your life with. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Monday morning was shaping up to be a bitch. It was hot as hell already when Brian rushed through the doors to the Ryder Agency late for the first time since he began the job. He’d been up most of the night thinking of Justin, and wondering if at twenty four he shouldn’t just move on with his life. He and Justin might get together and then again they might not, but that was life. He finally fell asleep, no firm conclusion reached. He hadn’t changed the sheets hoping to smell the musky scent of the young blonde. He was beginning to think he’d reached a new level of pathetic when he walked into his office, avoiding Cynthia who was down the hall visiting with Marty Ryder’s secretary. The first thing he noticed was the bouquet of yellow roses had been refreshed and in the centre of the bouquet sat one perfect red rose. He plucked the card from the centre of the bouquet. +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Irish – yellow for friendship – red for love – Justin +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ He really hadn’t needed the card. He’d known instantly who had sent the flowers. “Cynthia” he shouted. “Get me Jennifer Taylor’s phone number.” While he was doing that Justin was sitting on the edge of the bed fumbling for his cell phone. “Hi Molly, can you get Mom for me” Justin asked. “Sure Justin, did you know that Brian is learning to dance? He went with me and mom for my lesson. All the girls loved him, he danced with every one of us.” “He did?” Justin smiled to himself thinking of Brian surrounded by Molly’s friends “Was the lesson at the Club?” “I sure was and Mom even made Brian a member. She sent the bill to Uncle Marty and was he steamed. She told him to stuff it.” Molly giggled. Justin giggled to. “Look munchkin, let me talk to Mom. It’s kind of important.” “Mooooommmm” Molly yelled into the receiver. Justin had known she was going to do it and held his phone well away from his ear. “Hi Justin, are you back already. You didn’t run as far this time.” “I’m at Billy’s grandparents but I’m coming back today. What do you think about Brian? Do you like him Mom, do you think Dad likes him?” “Justin, do you like him?” his mother asked quietly. “Yeah, yes I don Mom, I think I love him.” “Well, really that’s all that matters isn’t it? If Brian Kinney is who you love then we’ll come to love him as well.” “How come you never told me about love hurting so much?” “If you’d known it was going to hurt would you have let yourself fall in love?” “No” “Are you happy when you’re with Brian?” “Yes, more than I ever thought possible” “Are you learning anything from this experience?” “Yes” “That’s why I never told you about the hurting part.” “Thanks Mom.” “For what Justin?” “For putting up with me for the last three years, it’s taken me such a long time to move on with my life.” “You think you’re ready now honey?” “With Brian helping, yes I am.” “Are you coming back into town now?” “No, Brian’s at work and I don’t want to interrupt him. I guess I’ll come in later this evening.” “Call me tomorrow Justin and let me know what happens.” “I will Mom,” Justin hung up happy with his Mother’s approval of Brian. He took his sketch books down to the lake along with the rest of the food he’d brought. It was time to spend a lazy day sketching while he waited to see Brian later tonight. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Brian paced in his office for almost fifteen minutes trying to get the nerve to call the number on the small piece of paper he held in his hand. Taking a deep breath he dialed the number only to have it ring busy. Five minutes more pacing had him actually beginning to sweat in his air conditioned office. This time when the call was redialed it was answered right away. “Hello, Mrs. Taylor, it’s Brian Kinney.” “Hello Brian, I was just thinking about you and there you are. What a surprise.” “Do you know where Justin is? He left again yesterday and I really would like to talk to him.” “Oh, you saw him?” “We had a kind of date on Friday night but he left again Saturday morning.” “That’s wonderful to hear Brian. Justin needs to get out more. He has kept very close to home for too long.” “Is this because of what happened to him and his friend?” “I think so Brian, but that’s something you should talk to Justin about.” “I’d like to Mrs. Taylor, but I don’t know where he is.” Jennifer Taylor made a decision she hoped she wouldn’t regret. “If you have a pen and paper Brian? I’ll give you the directions and I’ll give you a few suggestions if you don’t mind.” The sun had past the noon hour point. Justin finished his latest sketch that somehow had managed to put Brian on the sand in front of the water. He leaned back against the tree letting himself relax. He’d finished the last of the bread and cheese he’d brought and drank the last of the water. He felt full and lazy, happy and a bit nervous about what he would say to Brian. He let his eyes shut and he drifted off to sleep visions of Brian’s soft lips, warm eyes and hard body foremost in his mind. Brian almost missed the turn off onto the small weed covered dirt road. His car barely made it over the ruts and he was about to give up when the small ramshackle cabin came into view. He got out and looked around for Justin, but only his car was visible. Brian figured he wasn’t far. He carried in what Jennifer had suggested as well as a few ideas of his own. When he was finished he left the small room and began to search for Justin. He figured that he must be close by probably sketching. He walked down toward the lake and when he walked around a clump of trees he almost stepped on him sleeping against the larges tree. He sat down beside his sleeping beauty and gently moved him until his head was resting comfortably on his lap. He let his fingers comb through the blonde hair smoothing it back from his forehead while his other hand traced circles on Justin’s arm. Justin snuggled closer into Brian’s lap which had a disastrous result on his soft pillow which was rapidly becoming not soft. The hard cock poking into the side of Justin’s cheek began to wake him up. His eyes opened sleepily and his hand went to Brian’s crotch to smooth out the lumps. Unfortunately the added stroking of his finger made the lumps just that much harder. He finally opened his eyes and looked first at where his hand was and then up into amused hazel eyes. “Hey Sunshine, you started it not me.” And Brian smiled at him. Justin moved so he was sitting on Brian’s lap, he rested his head against his shoulder “I hope you aren’t a dream Irish, because if you are I never want to wake up.” “I’m not a dream, I’m real and now I’m very horny because of some blonde stroking me.” “If we were in our teens I’d offer to give you a hand job.” Justin said as he smiled. “If we were in our teens I’d take you up on the offer.” Brian held him tight enjoying the closeness even if it was hard on his cock. “So Sunshine, where are you going from here?” “No place special” Justin wiggled liking the feeling of the hard cock against his ass. “I can change that.” Brian said and let his lips touch Justin’s. He pulled back his eyes asking permission that was answered by Justin’s lips melting against his, his tongue seeking and tasting the wonderful taste of the man he loved. The stayed there enjoying the feeling of being together of exploring each other’s mouths until the urgency that was building up in both of their groins was too much. “We need to get inside the cabin now Sunshine.” Brian whispered. “Before it’s too late for my new linen pants.” Justin laughed, but stood up. He looked at the front of his own pants which were not only tented out but had the beginning of a decent sized wet spot from his leaking cock. He looked at Brian who was still sitting down mesmerized by the hard cock inches from his face only a light piece of cloth covering it. “You need some first aid.” He said his voice hoarse with lust. He unbuttoned the waistband of Justin’s shorts, slid the zipper down and pulled them slowly down until finally the reddened cock sprang free a trail of wet sticky precum glistening in the afternoon sunlight. Justin wasn’t exactly sure what he was supposed to do but the warm outside air felt good but not as good as Brian’s tongue that began to lick the surface. He gasped and his hands went to Brian’s head instinctively pulling it closer. And Brian obliged by sucking in the length of the sturdy cock. That’s all that was required Justin let out a slow moan “Briiiiiiiaaaaaaan” as he shot his load into the back of Brian’s throat. Brian sucked it dry as the spasm slowly calmed. Justin sunk to his knees and their lips met once again. “That was nice, I could get used to that Irish” Justin gasped. Brian laughed and stood up. Helped Justin up and adjusted his shorts. Hand in hand he led him to the cabin. Justin started to laugh when he saw it. Brian had stapled deep red roses all over the front of the cabin. He turned to Justin and said. “I can’t promise you that we’ll always have a rose covered cottage. But I can promise you my love where ever we end up. I know we both have a lot to work out together. But together we can beat the odds. That is one thing I’m sure of.” Justin’s smile was as wide as ever. He kept looking at the red roses and back at Brian. “You really do love me don’t you Irish?” “Brian really does love Justin” he teased as he kissed the warm red lips. “Can Justin say BRIAN, it isn’t a hard name to learn.” “I love you Irish.” Justin said. Brian began to kiss his neck, trailing the kisses down lower and lower. “Briiiiiiiiaaaaan dooooonnnnn’ttt stooooop.” “Good boy Sunshine”