Sonny Boy - 2 - Notes: Misty is 100% responsible for this AU – kisses and hugs to Misty Warning: character death ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ “Emmett, go find Justin’s coat and bring it out here now.” Brian barked. He helped Justin to his feet and held him close, his whole body tingling from the connection with the younger man. Emmett ran to do Brian’s bidding. “We’re going to the hospital. When we’re gone, you tell the rest of them the party’s over. We’ll call you and let you know what’s happening as soon as we know.” If there was one thing Brian Kinney could do, it was give orders. He felt numb all over. Lindsay had been his friend for so many years, he could hardly remember not having her around and now she was gone. And his son, what was going to happen with his son. All these thoughts swirled around in his brain as he led Justin outside to the jeep, thankful for four-wheel drive. Brian opened the passenger side door and helped Justin inside. He was worried about the blond who hadn’t spoken since the phone call. He leaned over and did up Justin’s seat belt and unable to resist, planted a soft kiss of reassurance on Justin’s forehead before running around to the other side and getting into the cold vehicle. The drive to the hospital was completed in silence. The bright lights of the emergency room were harsh and made the younger man look even more shell-shocked. Brian was surprised though by Justin – as soon as they cleared the sliding doors, a Justin he never knew existed emerged. “My son and his mothers were brought in tonight – there was a traffic accident.” Justin stated to the nurse on duty. “Melanie and Lindsay Peterson-Marcus and their son Gus Kinney Peterson.” “His son?” Brian thought. “Gus Kinney Peterson” “Do you have any identification?” the nurse asked. “Yes,” Justin took out his wallet. “I have the Power of Attorney for both Melanie and Lindsay, as well as legal guardianship of Gus.” He handed her a card. “The details are on this along with my lawyer’s telephone number if you require confirmation.” He looked at her – his eyes bleak. “We would like to see our son.” “And your friend is?” she asked, “Because I’m afraid that only family members can be allowed in the ICU.” “Brian Kinney is Gus’ biological father. The information is on the card.” Justin’s voice was hard – “I’d suggest you don’t delay us any longer, that little boy needs us right now.” The woman looked hard at Brian and Justin, and making a decision she wasn’t completely happy with she said. “Through these doors, follow the blue line to the elevator. Pediatric ICU is on the second floor.” She handed them both identification cards. “Please clip these on – and report to the nursing station when you get there.” Brian followed Justin to the bank of elevators and inside. “What the fuck do you mean you’re his father?” Brian asked. “I mean that for the last five years, I’ve been there for him, I’ve held him when he’s cried, I’ve sat up with him when he’s been sick, I’ve laughed with him and played with him, been with him on his birthday and every other fucking day. I’d say I was more a father to him then some asshole who couldn’t keep his dick in his pants, so don’t give me any shit.” Justin glared at him. “His mothers made me Gus’ legal guardian years ago – I had them add you two months ago – don’t make me regret it.” “Just a damn minute here.” Brian began, but the elevator doors opened and Justin walked out ignoring the red-faced Irishman. A nurse met Justin before he reached the nursing station. “Are you Pops?” she asked. “He’s pretty agitated and we can’t give him anything more – he could use you now.” The young nurse led Justin to a room across from the nursing station. Brian followed behind, no one paying him any attention; they were so focused on Gus. Justin held his breath for a moment, terrified to breathe lest the air movements disturb the bruised and battered child that lay pale and somehow too small in the large bed with the side rails up. Gus had a large plaster cast with a bright yellow knit sleeve over it on his right arm, his left eye was swollen shut and he had a large gash on his forehead. His eyes opened when Justin entered the room and he started to keen. “Pops, Pops, Pops” Each cry stabbed Justin in the heart with a pain so sharp he could hardly move. But he did move, in an instant he was beside the bed. He lowered the rail and gently, so as not to move the little boy too much, he leaned his body over so that he was partially lying beside him. His fingers, light as fairy wings brushed calming circles on the little boy’s body and Brian could hear him crooning whispered assurances to him in a way that the boy seemed familiar with. And Gus slowly settled down, his eyes shut and he sighed before slipping into a peaceful sleep. It was only after Gus’ breathing indicated he was sleeping did he realize that Brian was standing beside him, supporting him as he half lay across the bed, and he knew that he was taking comfort in the solid body that pressed close. “Mr. Taylor?” a nurse enquired, “Dr. Bartlett would like to speak with you.” Justin looked up at Brian and back down to Gus. He kissed the bruised forehead gently and whispered. “I’ll be right back Gus man,” to the sleeping boy. When he stood upright Justin stumbled for a moment and Brian placed an arm around him. Brian let his hand brush over Gus’ leg as he left the room with Justin. “Hang in there Sonny Boy” he said softly. The doctor’s eyes were tired and he brushed his hand over them for a moment before he spoke. “Gus’ mother’s both have signed donor forms on file here and in their wallets. We have them on life support – more to keep the body viable than for anything else. You both can go see them and say goodbye, but there isn’t much time. The operating room has been prepped for the removals.” Justin said. “I understand, we’ve talked about it. I won’t take long.” He looked at the doctor. “What about Gus?” he asked. “The little guy has been banged up pretty good. He has a compound fracture of his right arm, among other things.” “When can I take him home?” Justin asked. “I’d like to keep him here overnight, but I don’t see why you can’t take him home tomorrow.” “I’ll stay here until he’s ready to go home.” Justin said in a voice that didn’t allow for any arguments. “Show me where Melanie and Lindsay are. It’s time we said goodbye.” Justin held out his hand and Brian took it automatically. Together they followed the doctor down the hallway. In less than half an hour, Brian found himself once again at the door to his son’s room. Brian looked in the window Gus was still sleeping. “Justin, I’ll go back to the apartment and make sure everyone cleared out. I’ll call the gang and explain what’s happened and in the morning start the funeral arrangements. Do you know if either of them wanted anything specific?” “We never talked about it. It wasn’t supposed to ever have happen.” Justin said – his voice sad. “Give me a key to your place, I’ll have the Christmas stuff taken down before we bring Gus there. I suppose it’s better he spends time with you first, we’ll work out something later.” “Don’t you fucking dare touch those Christmas decorations” Justin hissed, his eyes blazed in fury when he looked up at Brian. “Gus is a little boy, Christmas is an important part of every little boy’s life. His mommies are dead and you want to take that away from him too?” he shook his head. “Asshole.” “How can he ever look at Christmas the same? It’s less than two weeks away. He’s always going to associate his mothers’ deaths with Christmas.” Brian said quietly. “I managed to survive without Christmas in my life, Gus can too.” “And you are such a fine upstanding friendly fun to be with fag during the holidays. I’ve heard about Brian Kinney’s Christmas pain management – well it will never be like that for Gus – he is going to have a happy Christmas and you had damn well better cooperate.” He looked up at Brian – his eyes filled with tears. “You make sure the other members of this little tweaked family get the drift of that too. Christmas is for kids – the whole mystery and joy of it – the presents – the Church service – the food – having family around – if you haven’t had Christmas before – well get used to it Kinney – because Brian Kinney can throw out his Grinch suit this year – he won’t be needing it again.” Justin turned and walked into Gus’ room leaving Brian standing in the doorway, his mouth open in surprise at the passion of Justin’s words. Justin spent the night sitting beside Gus’ hospital bed. The child woke a couple of times during the night wanting a drink and once Justin carried him to the bathroom, but otherwise the night passed uneventful. Morning in the hospital came early and Justin wasn’t surprised when Gus was fully awake by six. His vitals had been taken off and on during the night and while he slept, he hadn’t noticed, but now, in the light of day, Gus wasn’t having any part of anyone touching him except his Pops. “Pops” Gus said quietly after the last tussle with a nurse. “My mommies are in heaven now.” “I know they are Gus.” Justin said, and looked at the little boy wondering how he’d known. “Last night, when you were sleeping my mommies came and kissed me goodbye. Momma said I had to stay with you and to be a good boy and make you not sad. Mommy said you would always look after me and that they were happy-sad. Happy to be in heaven but sad that I couldn’t come yet.” He looked at Justin. “Mommy and Momma looked very pretty. They didn’t have any more blood on them or anything. Momma said she would always watch over me with Mommy. Do you think I’m the only little boy with two guardian angels?” Gus asked. “I don’t want to make some other little boy have none.” Justin’s vision blurred with unshed tears as he looked at Gus. “I think you are a lucky little boy to have two guardian angels, and I bet they’ll watch over other little boys too. Mommy angels are like that.” “You mean like Grandma Debbie has lots and lots of kids that call her Mom?” “Something like that.” Justin paused for a moment. “You and me, we’re kind of like a family now and we have to make a couple of decisions. Do you want to live with me in my new loft, or should we all move back to your house?” “I want to go to the loft.” Gus said quietly. “I’d be too sad in my house without my mommies.” His small hand found Justin’s. “Will there be room for my toys at the loft?” he sighed. “I guess it would be okay if there wasn’t. “Of course there will be room for your toys.” Justin said and kissed the top of Gus’ head. “I heard that Santa Claus has a few things planned as well, so we better make sure we bring your toy box and your toy shelves.” “Santa Claus will know where I live?” Gus asked his eyes big. “Are you sure?” “Positive – but to make extra special sure, why don’t we email him when we get home?” “Cool, you have Santa Claus’ email address; wait ‘till the kids at school hear that.” “Hey Sonny Boy.” Brian said as he stepped through the hospital room door. “You’re looking a lot better this morning.” Gus looked at him warily. “Go away, my Pops is here, I don’t need you.” Both Brian and Justin looked startled. “Gus” Justin began. “Sonny Boy, I’m your daddy.” Brian started. “Pops is my father.” Gus said stubbornly. “You didn’t want me before and you can’t have me now.” He turned his face away from Brian and shut his eyes. Justin put his hand on Brian’s arm and shook his head for silence. He walked over to the other side of the bed and gently cupped the small chin in his hand. “Do you think your mommies are watching right now?” Justin asked. “What did mommy say with you every night when you said your prayers?” “Don’t know” his bottom lip out. “I wonder if I remember. It’s important now that your mommies are angels, I know they’d want to make sure I get it right if I’m going to be listening to your prayers now at bedtime.” Justin paused. “God bless momma, and mommy. God bless Auntie Em and Uncle Ted, God bless Grandma Deb and Grandpa Vic, God bless Uncle Mikey, and, and Justin pretended not to remember. “God bless my daddy Brian and God bless Pops” a small voice said. “But Pops, daddy Brian didn’t want me and that makes me sad, and my mommies are angels and that makes me sad.” He sniffed. “I’m a very, very sad little boy.” A tear trickled down his cheek. Brian smiled and then laughed out loud and both Justin and Gus turned and looked at him. “Sonny Boy – you’re right – I never wanted you – but I loved you from the moment I first saw you. I thought if I had a little boy I wouldn’t know what to do with him – that’s the only reason I didn’t want you – it wasn’t because I didn’t love you – and from what I see – you are a perfect little drama princess – Pops should keep Auntie Em away for awhile, he’s a bad influence.” Brian joked. “Brian” Justin warned. “My Pops always wanted me.” Gus declared. “And he always loved me.” His small chin stuck out in defiance. “Justin grew up first Gus – it’s just taken me a little longer. But I want to be your daddy now.” Brian admitted. “Sorry – but I have my Pops and I’m going to live at his house.” Gus thought for a minute. “You can come and visit me, Pops can teach you how to be a Daddy, and he’s very good at it.” Gus smiled up at Brian and Brian’s heart constricted at the face that looked so much like a younger version of his. Gus turned to Justin. “We can email Santa that Daddy will be at our house for Christmas, maybe he’ll bring Daddy a stocking and some presents.” “Santa and I have an agreement” Brian said. “I don’t give him presents and he doesn’t give me any.” “That’s a sucky ‘greement.” Gus declared. “Pops, can we go home now? I’m sleepy and I want my own bed and my leather bear.” He looked up at Justin, his hazel eyes, heavy lidded with fatigue again, his one eye very black now. “Tell you what Sonny Boy” Brian said. “I’ll go find your leather bear and get Uncle Mikey and Auntie Em to help me with your toys and other things. We’ll take them to Justin’s loft if Justin will trust me with a key.” He grinned at the blond who couldn’t argue with this arrangement. “Your Pops,” Brian ruffled Justin’s hair. “Will stay with you until you have some breakfast and your doctor checks you all over – we don’t want you to have that arm fall off or anything – by the way – cool cast – Auntie Em will love the color.” He paused “Justin can either call me to pick the two of you up – or you guys can take a taxi – but everything will be waiting for you when you get there.” Justin took his key ring out and gave him the key to his loft and one to Lindsay’s house. Brian turned and was about to leave when he saw Gus tug on Justin’s sleeve and whisper loudly to Justin. “Pops – you have to tell him about goodbye kisses – he’s never going to learn to be a daddy if you don’t.” Justin grinned and turned to Brian who was looking chagrined. “Uh, Brian, lesson number one of ‘Daddy 101’ – you should always kiss your boy goodbye.” “I’ll remember that from now on” Brian bent and kissed Gus on the nose making him giggle and then to Justin’s astonishment, Brian bent and kissed Justin’s nose as well. “Equal opportunity daddy” Brian said softly and laughed when Justin rolled his eyes. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Brian stepped out of the hospital and felt in his pockets for his cigarettes. He could almost hear Lindsay telling him not to smoke around Gus, so he took them out, looked at them and threw them into the trash bin next to the entrance. He still felt numb inside from everything that had happened and from what Gus had said just now. The kid was right. He couldn’t deliberately avoid him all these years and expect that Gus would welcome him with open arms. And Justin, what was he going to do about the blond. He’d resisted the urge to have him since the day he’d first set eyes on him and now, it looked liked they would be seeing each other everyday. It was bad enough running into him at work, but if ever Brian expected to become an important part of Gus’ life, he had to know that Justin was part of the deal. What he was about to do next was going to be hard. He had to go to Lindsay’s place and get Gus’ stuff. For now that’s all, but it would get worse before it would get better, that’s for sure. Brian pulled out his cell phone to call the gang together. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Gus had fallen asleep after eating a bit of breakfast – he didn’t need to be in the ICU room now, but because he was going home once the doctor had seen him, the nurses had left him there. Justin stood and rubbed his eyes, they felt like there was sand in them he was so tired. He’d only cat napped during the night. There was a light knock on the door and a young man poked his head in. “Mr. Taylor?” he asked. “Can you come out here; I need to talk to you for a moment. I don’t want to wake the boy.” “Sure” Justin looked to make sure Gus was still sleeping then walked out of the room.” “Hi, I’m Bob Henderson of Henderson’s Funeral Service, Mr. Kinney contacted me last night.” “Right,” Justin shook his head to clear it. “Lindsay and Melanie are to be cremated. We’ll have a memorial service during the week.” “Mr. Kinney has arranged for my company to pick up your loved ones. I’ll need your signature.” The fellow pulled out a piece of paper and a pen. Justin scrawled his signature on the bottom of the page. The young man hesitated, started to leave and then turned back. “I didn’t know the two ladies, but Mr. Taylor, but what they did, donating I mean.” He looked shyly at Justin. “Two years ago I had a heart lung transplant – if it wasn’t for someone like them – I wouldn’t be here – I just want you to know that all the people who will be alive today because of those women – there won’t be a day that goes by that they won’t say a prayer of thanks – your ladies – will never be forgotten – that’s some legacy Mr. Taylor – you be sure to tell their little boy when he’s old enough to understand.” “Thanks – I’m glad to meet you – and what you said helps me see some kind of rationale behind their deaths.” Justin admitted. “Brian will be in touch later today with any other details.” Justin turned and moved back inside the room with Gus. For a moment he thought he saw Lindsay standing beside her son watching him sleep like she used to do when he was a baby. She looked at Justin and smiled before she faded away. Justin blinked, ‘I must be more tired than I thought.’ Was what went through his head. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ “Pops, can we go now?” Gus was wearing some striped pajamas that the hospital had loaned them. The ladies in the laundry had washed and dried his parka, so he had a coat to wear, but his clothes had been cut off of him. The doctor had been by and pronounced him fit to go home though there was a long list of instructions regarding the care of the boy’s injuries, together with two prescriptions for medication. “Do you want me call Brian to get us?” Justin asked. “No, I just want you.” Gus sighed. “I wish my mommies were here.” “I do too Gus man.” Justin found a wheelchair. “You get to have a ride down to the front door. Hop aboard.” “Wow, this is really neat.” Gus said and he moved into the seat of the chair, a bit stiffly and definitely gingerly, for there wasn’t much that hadn’t been bruised. “I hope daddy can find my leather bear.” “I’m right here” the leather bear peeked around his door – and Brian was speaking for him in a falsetto voice. Gus looked at Justin and rolled his eyes and Justin started to laugh, Gus looked just like Brian did at a staff meeting when someone said something the great Kinney didn’t approve of. Brian appeared in the doorway and handed the well loved bear to Gus. “He was waiting for you to pick him up.” Brian looked at Justin “I couldn’t find your bear Sunshine.” He teased. “Pops doesn’t have a bear at mommy’s house.” Gus said. “He already moved it to his new house.” “Well that’s good, I was worried for a minute or two when I couldn’t find it.” He looked over Gus’ head “you have a teddy bear?” he mouthed and grinned. “We don’t all do tricks every minute and a half.” Justin said snidely. “Daddy, trixs are for kids” Gus broke up laughing at the words of his favorite commercial. “Yes, daddy will have to remember that.” Justin laughed. “Now big guy, I think it’s time to go home with a small stop at the take out window of the golden arches.” He began to push the chair out of the room toward the elevator. “Is your jeep our front Brian?” he asked. “It is.” Brian trailed behind feeling left out until Justin slipped his hand into the older man’s hand when they were waiting for the elevator and gave it a squeeze. “We’ll make it Brian, as long as we work together.” Justin’s voice was soft and confident. “The next couple of weeks will be the toughest.” ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Gus and Justin both were quiet on the drive home. Brian stopped by the closest McDonalds and was persuaded to buy a 3 Happy Meals though he drew the line at ordering the orange drink for himself. He looked suspiciously at the happy meal before heading to Tremont, but said nothing because of the look of happiness on Gus’ face. “Brian, will anyone be there?” Justin asked quietly. “No, I told them to all stay away until we thought he’d be ready for them.” Brian sighed. “I want everything to be as normal as it can be and they can be pretty overwhelming on a good day.” “I hope they listen to you.” “I told them all, if I see any sign of them, I’m driving right on by and they won’t see us for weeks.” Brian looked at Justin. “I was feeling the urge to run away anyway.” Justin grinned at him. “Me too, but we can’t. I have to call Marty Ryder; I don’t want to go to work until Gus starts back to school. Do you think he’ll let me stay off that long? It’s almost three weeks.” “I’ve talked to Marty already, everything’s been arranged except for the presentation you and Stephen’s team are doing next Monday and I’ll stay with Gus while you do it.” “Thanks Brian, I appreciate it.” Justin smiled softly and Brian couldn’t resist and reached over to hold Justin’s hand only to have Gus begin to scream. “No, hands, daddy, no hands, mommy, mommy, mommy.” Brian pulled the jeep over and Justin got into the backseat and cradled Gus. “It’s alright Gus, it’s alright.” Gus continued to sob and slowly the story of the day before emerged. Of how Melanie had reached over to hold Lindsay’s hand her head moving toward her wife for a moment, a long enough moment for the car approaching them to hit head on. Gus had watched it all happen from his booster seat in the back of their car. Seeing Brian move his hand off the wheel to touch Justin’s brought it all back to him. “Just get us home Brian, would you?” Justin asked and he sat holding his child helping him to live with the pain of watching his mommies last moments. Brian parked directly in front of the building and while Justin opened the doors, he gently carried Gus inside. He kicked off his shoes and made his way to the boys bedroom, where he sat on the bed and helped him off with his winter parka before tucking him in under the covers. “Daddy hold me” Gus whispered and he clutched his leather bear to his chest. Brian unfolded his long body until he lay on the narrow bed beside Gus and then rolled him close, bear and all and held him until the even breathing of both of them was all that could be heard in the small room. When Brian didn’t appear, Justin went in to check on the two of them and found them both asleep. He took a brightly colored patchwork quilt from a storage cupboard and covered Brian with it before tip toeing out of the room. Both of them could use the sleep. Justin moved around the apartment, locking the door, setting the alarm, before he too succumbed to the peaceful quiet. He managed to find his bed at the top of the iron staircase before falling across it and sleeping. The sound of Gus’ laughter woke Justin up. He sat up stiffly on his bed, the patchwork quilt had been covering him and he smiled at the thought of Brian coming up to check on him and then returning with the quilt. It was cool in the evening and Justin pulled the quilt around his shoulders while he listened to Gus and Brian in the kitchen. Gus was instructing Brian on how to make Justin a sandwich. “First you find the bread. No daddy, Pops likes the bread with the little sesme seeds on it.” “This one?” “Yes” Gus smiled at his father. “Now you put it in the toaster to warm it up, but not make it toasty.” “What’s the point of that?” “Cause it tastes better, Pops says the sesme seeds taste yummier.” Gus laughed. “Now squirt some of the white stuff on the bread. Now the other one, Pops likes it better. Now some tomatoes. No, no, daddy, littler pieces, that will goosh when he bites.” There was silence. “Is that okay?” “You’ll do better the next time daddy.” Gus reassured his father. “Now some salt and pepper and a piece of white cheese and a piece of lettuce. No, not the top on yet. You have to make a happy face with the mustard.” “A happy face?” “Like this” Justin heard the mustard container as it released air unexpectedly. “Fuck” Brian said. “That’s not a nice word daddy.” “There’s mustard on my pants.” “No don’t wipe it – Pops with fix it. Take your pants off right now.” “I can’t take my pants off.” “You can’t? I can take my pants off and I’m a lot littler than you.” Gus said conversationally. “I mean I can’t be standing in Justin’s kitchen with my pants off, he’d think I was crazy.” “Tell him you squirted mustard on them.” Gus was being reasonable. “’Cause if you leave the mustard on or wipe it off without knowing what you’re doing – bye bye pants.” “How did you get so smart?” Brian asked. “My Pops told me about it.” “He did – did he?” “Yep, ‘cause I burp the mustard a lot – I have little hands you know.” “I noticed.” “No daddy, Pops doesn’t drink coffee this late.” Brian was getting the coffee maker out. “He drinks milk.” “Well, I want a coffee, Justin is welcome to drink milk if that’s what he wants.” He turned to see Justin padding down the stairs wrapped in the quilt. “It’s freezing in here” Justin said as he approached. “Hey Gus” he kissed the top of the auburn head.” “Don’t I get a kiss?” Brian asked his bottom lip out. Justin looked at him; eyebrows raised and sat down beside Gus. “I’m starving.” “Daddy made you a sandwich, we had soup.” Gus offered. He pushed the plate with the rather lopsided sandwich on it toward Justin. “It looks pretty good, thanks.” He picked it up, stuffing the errant bits of tomato back inside before biting into the sandwich. A puff of mayo and mustard squirted out the end and landed in his lap. “Now you and daddy both have to take your pants off.” Gus giggled. “I told him about the mustard rule.” “If I’d known about the mustard rule – it would have saved me countless hours of having to be nice – all I would have needed was a squirt bottle of mustard and off would come the pants.” Brian said tongue in cheek. “Asshole” Justin mouthed. “It doesn’t work that way, but nice try.” He said out loud. Justin handed Gus a remote control device that was sitting on the counter top. “Gus, push this button and aim at the Christmas tree.” Gus was eager to try and soon the room was flooded with light from the tall tree and it’s thousands of mini lights. “Daddy, Pops, look at the top. There are two mommy angels.” Gus pointed up at the top of the tree where side by side stood a blonde angel and a brunet angel, both lit from below. “Did you do that?” Justin asked Brian quietly when Gus ran over to the tree. “No, I thought you did.” Brian said. He walked around the counter and stood beside Justin – the two of them looking up at the top of the tree. Justin’s hand slid into Brian’s and he sighed. “What was that for?” Brian asked. “I don’t know – I just feel funny – things can change so fast – people come in and out of our lives – life moves forward.” Justin sighed again. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ January – 1st day back to school – after Christmas “I don’t need two daddies to take me to school.” Gus said stubbornly. “One is enough.” “But Gus, Brian is driving me to work because my car’s in the shop. So really, it’s only one daddy and one driver.” Justin was being reasonable, but Gus was pretty fed up with the constant effort on Brian’s part to always be there. He wasn’t used to all the attention and he kind of liked having time to himself, to draw or play or watch television. “I’m not a baby.” “I know you aren’t and so does your daddy – we have to work together on being a family – and if that means that your daddy drives me to work on the same day that he drives you to school – well that’s the way it has to be.” “Okay – but I’m not a baby” Gus said stubbornly. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ February Brian sat in his jeep, lined up with all the others who were picking up their children from school. And he watched them all troop through the doors – the younger ones were dismissed first and he got a kick out of seeing them interact as they left school – he couldn’t ever remember being that carefree. Gus came out of the school, he was with a blonde haired girl and another little boy, who was as dark as the girl was fair. Brian smiled to himself as he watched the three finish an intense conversation. Gus noticed Brian’s jeep and said something to the others and they all laughed. He gave Brian a wave and began to walk quickly to the jeep, turning and waving to his friends when he reached it. Brian let the little boy struggle with the heavy door himself. He’d learned that lesson quick – Gus wanted to do these things himself and Brian wasn’t about to embarrass him in front of his friends by helping him now. “Hey Gus” he said once the boy was inside. “How was school?” “Okay – we made valentines today.” Gus answered. “The teacher said it was okay to make valentines for boys and girls even if you’re a boy.” He looked at Brian. “I had to ask because of my friends.” “Good for your teacher.” “Daddy, did you make Pops a valentine?” “I don’t do much for valentine’s day Gus – it’s just commercialization.” “You’re kind of weird you know?” Gus looked over at him. “Valentines day is fun. It’s a day you can say nice things to people and make them feel good. You know daddy, you can’t always do that everyday. Some people get embarrassed. Pops told me. Pops and I are going to make lots of Valentines – I want to say ‘I love you’ to everybody in our family.” He turned back and continued to look out the window. “You say ‘I love you’ to all of the family everyday Gus – you don’t need to make a card.” “Daddy, it makes people ‘feel’ good to get a card. It’s different. Don’t you feel good when you get a Valentine card?” “I’ve never gotten a Valentine card.” And Brian did feel a bit sad about that statement. He remembered when he was a child and how things like that weren’t tolerated in his house and consequently he never took part in anything the school did, preferring to feign an illness and not go to school when the other kids were exchanging cards. “Never, ever in your whole life?” Gus was incredulous. “I’m only five and a half and I have had Valentine cards for years.” “You have?” now Brian was incredulous. “Pops gave me a card when I was just a baby – you know that box I have in my bedroom? Well I saved all my cards from everyone. I can show you if you want. Pops gives me cards all the time and so did my mommies and so does Grandma Deb and Grandpa Vic and Uncle Mikey and Auntie Em and even Ted does too.” “They all did that – even Uncle Mikey?” Brian couldn’t believe his ears – he’d had no idea – no wonder the kid figured he didn’t care. “Uncle Mikey’s cards are the funniest ‘cause they always have comic book guys on them. Auntie Em’s cards are the brightest – he makes his and he uses awesome colors. Ted’s cards are kind of funny too, he has cartoons on his. See everybody is different.” Gus was always trying to educate his father – he had quickly learned that Brian hadn’t a clue about how to act with people. “Well, Gus, once again I find out things about my family and friends that I never knew. You’re a handy kid to have around.” Brian liked that his son was so open and sure of the love he was surrounded with. “So Daddy – are you going to make Pops a card or are you going to buy one at the store?” “Gus, Justin won’t be expecting a card from me.” Brian began. “Yes he will – he really likes you and I know he would like a card ‘cause I asked him.” “You did?” “Yep” “And what did he say?” Brian was pleased to hear that Justin liked him, because he was feeling more for the blond than he’d ever felt for anyone before, not even Michael. ‘Gee this is as bad as high school’ he thought. “Pops says he won’t hold his breath for a card from you.” Gus was curious. “Why would he hold his breath anyway?” Brian had to laugh – “It’s an expression Gus.” “I have to bring something for the Valentines party at school. Are you going to help Pops and me make heart cupcakes? Do you think pink icing is too girly? Can we put sprinkles on them? I like chocolate cakes - what kind do you like?” Gus ran out of breath. “Hold your horses Gus – that’s a lot of questions all at once.” Brian smiled at him. “If Justin doesn’t mind – yes I’ll help you make the cupcakes, but I’ve never made cupcakes before.” “That’s okay daddy – I can show you.” “I like chocolate cake too. Why don’t we put sprinkles on – they always look cheerful even if they are messy.” “Kids like messy things to eat daddy.” ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Brian and Justin had developed a routine for Gus – Brian picked him up at school one week and Justin the next and they reversed the procedure for dropping him off – that way they both were part of the young boy’s school life. So that was how Brian found himself standing in Justin’s kitchen, surveying the contents of his cupboard looking for the necessary things to make the Valentine cupcakes. Gus had already called Justin at the office and cleared it with him. Brian laughed to himself at Justin’s reaction to Gus’ phone call. For some reason the blond thought it was too funny that Brian Kinney was going to make the cupcakes. It was kind of insulting actually Brian thought. I mean how hard could it be?” “Daddy you need the flour.” Gus chided. “Isn’t there a cake mix in the cupboard?” Brian continued to scan the shelves. Gus shook his head and walked over to the big drawer that held the cook books and found the one Justin used when he made cakes. “Here Daddy – the recipe is in this book.” “Recipe?” Brian held the book and looked at the well worn pages. “There’s a recipe for cupcakes?” “Daddy, you find the chocolate cake recipe – we just put the stuff in the cupcake pans.” Gus sighed – this was going to be a long day. “Okay – I can do that.” Brian found the recipe and began to pull out all of the ingredients from the various storage spots. Gus found the two heart shaped cupcake pans. “Justin owns heart shaped cupcake pans?” Brian chuckled and shook his head. Eventually the batter was made – though Brian couldn’t figure out how to work the fancy mixer Justin had and ended up stirring everything by hand. He began to spoon the glop into the pans. “Daddy, you have to oil the pans and dust them with flour first.” “I’m not putting oil in the pans; I already had to put butter in the batter.” “You have to or the cupcakes won’t come out.” Gus was losing patience it had been a long hour. “I can just shake them out.” Brian was sure he’d seen Debbie make cupcakes and then shake them out of the pan. “It won’t work.” “Sure it will, I’m strong, I can shake hard.” Brian continued to fill the holes. “That’s too much stuff daddy” Brian had filled each hole up to the brim. “You want them fluffy don’t you?” Brian reasoned. “But they puff up when you cook them.” Brian wiped a hand across his forehead, adding chocolate batter to his skin and hair to go along with the flour that was already there. “It’ll be ok, I’m sure Deb fills them right up.” “I don’t think so” Gus said in a singsong voice. Brian placed the trays in Justin’s oven and set the timer, not realizing that Justin’s oven was a convection oven and needed far less time to bake than the recipe called for. “Let’s make some valentines while the cupcakes are cooking.” Gus suggested. He scrambled down from the stool he’d been sitting on to go and find the materials he and Justin had been using to make the cards. He was going to try and get his daddy to make a card for his Pops.” Brian wanted to sit down and relax - having a young child around was tiring – worse than going out to Woodys or Babylon every night. Gus never stopped until bedtime. He hoped Justin would get home soon so he could escape upstairs for a moment of peace. As soon as the thoughts entered his mind he began to feel guilty for thinking them. “Let’s make cards Gus.” And Brian sat down at the table, prepared to help Gus with his cards. Brian and Gus were intent on their craft – it seemed there was more to making the perfect Valentine card than Brian had thought. A great many paper doilies, sparkles and glue and red cut out hearts were involved – no to mention the fact that you had to come up with the perfect words for inside the cards. It was apparent from the first, Gus had decided that the card Brian was making had to be Justin’s and he was sure that his daddy wasn’t trying hard enough to make the best card. “No daddy – it has to say love” Gus chided. “You aren’t doing your best job daddy and that’s not nice.” “Maybe you just can’t read my writing” Brian suggested tongue in cheek. There was no way he was saying ‘love’ in a card to Justin at this stage of what ever weird ass relationship they were building. “Daddy, L-O-V-E spells love. I’m five and a half, I’m not a baby.” “But Justin wouldn’t understand if I said ‘I love you’ – we haven’t even fuc--- I mean gone on a date.” Gus put his head on one side and looked quizzically at Brian. “That’s not Pops fault, you haven’t asked him.” “Maybe I have and he said no” Brian couldn’t believe he was having this discussion with a five year old. It was bad enough when Debbie or Vic or even Michael started giving him a hard time about his relationship with the blond. Gus glared at him until Brian said. “So maybe I haven’t asked – but that’s because I don’t really take guys out on dates.” “Are you scared? Jamal told me and Cindy that his big brother was scared to ask a girl to see Harry Potter.” “No I’m not scared” Brian laughed. But he thought that maybe he was a bit scared. The young man who had stood by Gus since his birth terrified him with the feelings he experienced when ever he was around him. His heart raced and his palms were moist and yet Justin always appeared so in control and self assured. Except for the odd moment that Justin touched him or kissed his cheek in a casual hello – they really had very little physical contact and Brian was beginning to wonder why. Everything happened at once. Justin opened the door to his apartment, the smoke detector went off, and smoke billowed out of the oven. For only a moment Justin stood and surveyed the disarray in front of him. It looked like every piece of baking equipment had been used, there was flour on the floor and the remnants of one egg, Brian and Gus looked at the mess and then at Justin with identical looks of guilt while Justin went over to the oven and turned it off. He grabbed a towel and fanned away the smoke so the high pitched squealing stopped and then he turned back to the oven to remove two trays of blackened cupcakes that had over flowed the pans and dripped into the oven like some kind of science experiment gone bad. “Thanks for your help Brian.” Justin tried to shake the cupcakes out of the pans, but they appeared to be glued in. Justin looked at Gus who shrugged. “I told him to spray the pans with oil.” “Brian, get your butt over here and help me clean this mess up.” Justin said and it was then he looked closely at the tall auburn haired man and started to laugh. Brian had flour in his hair and on his face, chocolate there as well, he had a smear of chocolate on his otherwise immaculate silk shirt, and Justin knew that his pants would never be the same again. Gus on the other hand looked like he’d just gotten dressed for school. “We have a rule about changing into your play clothes, I think both of you should follow it from now on.” Justin managed to gasp out. “Sorry Pops, I’ll change now.” Gus scampered off to his room. “Maybe I should go home.” Brian volunteered. “Maybe you should start cleaning up while I go change.” Justin countered. He started to walk by Brian and stopped in front of him. “You did good Mr. Kinney – I haven’t seen Gus this happy in a long time.” He reached up and brushed his lips softly against Brian’s, both of them startled by the spark they felt. “Thanks Taylor” Brian felt his face flush. He watched Justin go up the stairs to his room and he couldn’t help but smile at the vision of handsome male that he saw. When Justin had disappeared, Brian went over to the table and scooped up the card he’d been working on, carefully placing it in his briefcase that sat on one corner of the counter. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Gus had convinced Brian to take him to the diner the next day after school, so he could give the gang their Valentine cards, or that’s the excuse he’d used. “Hey there Gus” Debbie squealed when he walked in with his father. She bent down and he ran over and gave her a hug. “I have some fresh lemon squares all ready for you.” “Cool” he said then reached into his back pack. “I have a Valentine for you and Grandpa Vic – you can have it now because I’m going to be busy tomorrow.” “Why thank you very much Gus. You go and sit down with your daddy and the others – I have yours in my purse in the back.” Gus beamed at her and climbed up beside his father. “I have a card for you Auntie Em, and you Uncle Ted and you too Uncle Mikey.” Gus handed out his cards. “I won’t be here tomorrow so you don’t have to wait.” “Good thinking Gus.” Michael said as he opened the card and read what was inside. He wiped his eyes with the back of his hand embarrassed the sentiment inside brought tears to his eyes. Michael saw that Emmett and Ted did the same thing. Brian looked at all of them amused. “You guys are all getting too soft.” He murmured and they all glared at him. “Auntie Em – are you going out tomorrow night?” Gus asked. “No, I’m afraid that’s a night of romance and I’ll just have myself to romance.” Emmett smiled at the small boy. “Can I sleep over?” Gus asked. He turned to his father. “Can I sleep at Auntie Em’s tomorrow night?” “Why – what’s wrong with your own bed?” Brian asked. “Daddy tomorrow is Valentines day. You have to ask Pops to go out to dinner with you. You could take him to McDonald’s” that was Gus’ favorite place to eat.” “Gus, I don’t think so.” Brian began and he looked at the four pairs of eyes that watched him back curious as to what he’d say. “Justin probably has plans.” “No he doesn’t.” Gus looked satisfied. “I asked him and he said he was going to watch a movie and eat popcorn.” “I – well Gus – I told you I don’t really go out on dates, and I’m sure Justin wouldn’t be interested even if I was to ask him.” Brian kissed his son on his head. “Back me up here boys.” He looked at his friends and Debbie. “Why don’t you see if you can get reservations at Paulo’s – I know the owner, I’m sure I could convince him to let you in even at this late date.” Emmett offered. “I have a terrific bottle of wine you could bring to Justin’s – you could give him a drink or two after dinner – “ Ted wiggled his eyebrows up and down. “Tracy’s brother runs a limo service.” Michael offered. “I can see if he can fit you guys in.” Brian looked at Deb – “Are you going to find six field mice and make me a dress?” he glared at all of them. “I’m damn near twenty six, I’m not some kind of fucking Cinderella” “Daddy, that’s a bad word. I’m going to tell Poppa.” Gus glared at him in a perfect imitation of Brian’s expression and the absurdity of it all sunk in and everyone began to laugh. “You guys are all pathetic.” Brian pulled out his cell phone and hit speed dial for Justin’s number. “Brian, is Gus alright?” Justin asked – his voice worried – Brian never called him on his cell when he was at work. “Settle down Sunshine, Gus is fine – we’re at the diner.” “Don’t let him eat a bunch of crap Brian, or he won’t eat his supper.” “Yeah, yeah.” Brian rolled his eyes. Everyone was watching him and holding their breath. “Say Justin, Gus wants to spend tomorrow night with Emmett, on a sleep over and I was wondering if you would go out to dinner with me.” There was silence. “Well?” “You mean like out to dinner at a restaurant?” “Yes, of course.” “You mean like a date?” “You might call it that I suppose.” “You do know what day tomorrow is?” “Yes – I know – and I still have sparkles sticking to my skin to prove it.” “What about Gus – do you think he’ll mind if we go out on a date?” Brian looked at Gus – “Your Pops wants to know if you’re okay with me taking him out on a date on Valentines Day.” “Fuck yes.” Gus shouted and he clamped his hands over his mouth – his eyes dancing.