I HONESTLY LOVE YOU ** 3 ** ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Using every ounce of self control he had and some he didn’t know he had, Brian managed to drive to Tremont and his loft. Justin kept his hand on Brian’s thigh as they drove, letting the warmth of his hand keep the two of them connected. “This is it” Brian’s voice cracked and he laughed. “I feel like it’s my first time.” He said. “It is - it’s your first time with me.” Justin let his fingers trace the contours of Brian’s face. The two of them sat in the jeep both of them unable to make the first move. They stared at the imposing front door of the building knowing that once they walked through, there would be no turning back and their lives would be inequitably changed. Brian turned toward Justin “Was that kiss real?” he whispered. He cupped his hand around the back of Justin’s head and pulled him in closer. Foreheads together they looked into each other’s eyes until softly, their lips met and suddenly they were transported back to that first kiss and their mouths devoured one another until they were breathless. Panting Brian pulled back, “upstairs, now” he gasped. Laughing, they raced out of the jeep and hand in hand took the stairs two at a time until they reached the top floor. “Watch what I do when I turn off the alarm, you may need to know how to do it someday,” Brian panted. Inside the large loft Justin and Brian stood(,) suddenly once again unsure of what was happening. The afternoon sun was almost gone and shadows filled the empty spaces, wrapping itself around various pieces of furniture. Brian took Justin’s hand and led him up the stairs and into the bedroom. He pulled back the duvet and then began to remove Justin’s clothing as well as his own, slowly taking his time. “Are you sure about this Justin?” he asked. They stood naked in front of one another. Justin’s breath was ragged and he was sure he’d have some kind of asthma attack; he was finding it so difficult to breath faced with Brian’s naked body. All Justin could do was nod his acceptance of what was about to happen. Brian’s mouth found his and they sank to the bed, a tangle of limbs and other body parts as they sought release in one another. And then the world slowed down – Brian stretched his long body out straight, Justin instinctively pressed his smaller body close, skin touching skin, belly to belly. Brian ran his fingers through Justin’s hair, and Justin mirrored his movements, their eyes locked together speaking volumes, whole stories and rhymes of love, yet neither one spoke. Finger tips tracing the outline of eyes, the length of a nose, the contour of a cheek, memorizing every inch, every pore. Rough cheeks where afternoon stubble begins to poke through, downy cheeks where the soft blond down catches the light from the blue neon over the bed, making it gleam in the deepening shadows. Hard muscled shoulders that spoke of hours at the gym, soft flesh smelling of ivory soap and fresh sweat – deep russet nipples framed in swirls of soft auburn curls begging to be teased with full red lips - soft pink nubs erect and surrounded by alabaster skin smooth and hairless, sensitive to a touch of white teeth, the flick of a warm wet tongue, the stir of his groin as each nipple in turn is suckled. Fingers moving lower, a taunt belly sticky with strings of precum, laughing together as they play with the smooth mushroom heads that bob and weave of their own accord wet and dripping – tongues tasting the essence of each other, analyzing and storing for later analysis the sweet salty taste – noses nuzzling at the base, the very root of what makes them each unique – savoring the smell of soap and sweat – that special smell – the heady fragrance that can never be bottled and sold for fear of driving men wild – and then fingers touching and then cupping balls hanging low and warm from their teasing play. Legs raised, exposing the very heart of the whole affair, the ultimate goal for both men, the snick of a foil packet, the smell of latex, the cold of the slippery lube, eyes locked once again, the teacher working from experience, the pupil, trembling in fear and anticipation. The pain of intrusion, soft words, gentle words, kisses full of promise and then the rush of pleasure that over rides the pain and both bodies rocking together in that timeless dance that leaves each one breathless, light headed, unable to walk or talk or move except to whisper words of love that appear on the tongue without benefit of thought, to also be taken out to be listened to time and time again as the moment is relived in the cold sterile darkness of a lonely boy’s bedroom. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ “Brian don’t go.” Justin snuggled close breathing in the scent of his lover. “I’m not going far.” Brian kissed Justin’s nose. “I’m going to cancel our dinner reservations and order in something. Do you want Chinese or Thai?” “How about pizza or KFC?” Justin said just to see what Brian would say. “Maybe if it was your birthday.” Brian teased. “And you hadn’t already received your present.” “I like your present. It fit perfectly.” Justin smiled and Brian thought of the Cheshire Cat. “Do I look different?” he asked. “Can you tell I’m not a virgin anymore?” “Yep, you’ve got that ‘I’ve been just fucked by an expert’ smile on your face. Everybody who sees you is going to know.” “So you’re an expert – how am I supposed to know that. I need something to compare.” Justin looked up at Brian and batted his lashes. “Take my word for it brat” Brian called the restaurant and cancelled his reservation. “I’m ordering Chinese, is there anything you won’t eat?” “Probably” Justin laughed. “Just order me something yummy, something you wouldn’t eat, I’ll probably like it especially if it’s deep fried.” Brian ordered their dinner. “Come on, we’ll shower before the food gets here.” He held out his hand for Justin to take and he lifted him up from the bed. “After dinner I can take you for a couple of dances at Babylon if you’d like.” “Cook and we’ll have time for more love making before we go ‘cause Babylon doesn’t get going ‘til late.” “Hold on there Sonny Boy, I promised I’d have you home by midnight.” Brian turned on the water for their shower. “But Brian, it’s my birthday.” Justin tried not to whine, but that’s how it came out. “And I’ve brought you to the loft, granted most of your wishes, you’ll be going to Babylon and you will be home by midnight or you won’t be back.” Brian tipped Justin’s chin up and leaned down to kiss him. “Don’t be a brat” Justin melted into Brian’s embrace. He had to come back; he couldn’t stand to be banished from the loft, or from Brian’s life. “I’ll be good.” He whispered. He’d felt wanted, loved even from the moment of the first kiss back in his bedroom. It was a unique feeling that he’d never forget as long as he lived. And when the two of them made love, for what they had done transcended fucking and was making love, the emotional overload and feeling of oneness with another person was almost more than he could handle. Justin loved Brian completely and without hesitation or reservation and he would for the rest of his life no matter what direction it took. That was a given like the sky being blue. Justin Taylor loved Brian Kinney. Brian feeling Justin melt into his embrace, hearing his fervent ‘I’ll be good’ felt a twinge of remorse – he wanted Justin to have a full life, to experience everything he could in what was left of his teen years and then on to his years at the University. He didn’t want him to fixate or think himself ‘in love’, he wanted Justin to learn about love and life the good times and the bad before declaring himself ‘in love’ with him. But having the younger man’s body in his arms, the smells and feeling of their passion filled lust still heady in the air, Brian’s good intentions were forgotten, because he knew deep down that he was in love with Justin, that all encompassing love that would weather the years and hold him steady until he died. Brian pulled Justin into the shower and shut the door. The warm water cascaded over their bodies and like the first time they had made love, together they began a ritual that would be theirs forever and each of them took turns washing the other. Never before had a shower been so sensual, the necessity to be clean took on a whole other meaning as soap fingers massaged and probed and caressed until both of them found themselves laughing out loud at the sheer joy of sharing the simple pleasure of showering together. And then lust took over, massaging hands delved lower, probing fingers opened up new showering possibilities. Justin learned the sensual headiness of having his face pressed against the wet glass. He learned that the bottom controlled the top, a lesson he filed away to take out later and analyze as he teased and tantalized Brian whose whispered begging words were finally rewarded and he bent enough to allow him entrance. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Brian and Justin were getting dressed when a loud pounding on the metal loft door reverberated through to their post coital haze. “Geeze Brian, the delivery guy is kind of rude.” Justin observed. “Brian, open the damn door, my key doesn’t work. I have your food.” Michael’s voice could be heard on the other side of the door. “Yes, this particular delivery guy can be rude.” Brian drawled and he sauntered to the door unlocking it and pulling it open. “Mikey, what brings you over on a night I told you I was busy?” He took the bag of Chinese food from his friend and walked it over to the kitchen counter. “It’s Thursday night, we always go out on Thursdays.” Michael began. “Not always Mikey and I did tell you that tonight I was busy.” Brian was taking the cartons of food out of the bag. He placed them on the dining room table along with two plates and two sets of chop sticks. He added candles and lit them. Michael watched all of this with interest. “Brian you know I can’t use chopsticks.” “But I can.” Said a voice. Michael turned and what he saw killed immediately all of his long time dreams and hopes. Brian had walked over to the other man and kissed him tenderly, then turned to Michael. “Mikey, meet Justin, today is his birthday and we are having a birthday dinner to celebrate.” The love Michael saw in Brian’s eyes told him everything. The love that was returned by a pair of blue eyes echoed Brian’s and Michael knew he had lost the game that only he had known he was playing. “Hi Justin.” Michael said. “Brian, the key for the loft isn’t working.” “I had the lock changed Michael. I’m moving on to a new stage of my life. I was going to call you and let you know tomorrow. Today has been kind of busy.” “But what about Lindsay, are you giving her a key?” “No Michael, Lindsay can call like everyone else when they want to come over. If I’m home and want visitors I’ll answer.” Brian had led Justin to the table. He pulled out his chair for him to sit down. “Now Mikey, if you’ll excuse Justin and I, we’re going to continue with the birthday celebration. I promised him a couple of dances at Babylon tonight, so if you and the guys are there, we’ll see you then.” Brian had taken some money from his wallet to pay Michael back for the food delivery and Michael took it when it was offered. Brian walked his friend to the door and opening it he looked at Michael, his voice low he said. “He’s the one for me Mikey, be happy for me.” “But he’s so young.” Michael began only to find Brian’s finger touch his lips to silence him. “Later Mikey.” Brian said as he pulled the door shut and flicked the lock shut. Justin, pretending unconcern, had heard everything. He’d heard Brian’s words and they warmed him inside. Like all young people he dismissed what he didn’t want to hear and soon Michael’s protest was forgotten. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ “I’m telling you he looks like he’s twelve years old, well fucked, but twelve.” Michael said. He was standing on the catwalk of Babylon with Ted and Emmett. “I don’t know what Brian can be thinking.” “I’m sure he’s older than that Michael, Brian has never been into chicken.” Emmett observed and even Ted, who had a love/hate relationship with Brian, had to admit that what Emmett said was true. “He even changed the locks on the loft.” Michael declared, like this was the best indication of Brian’s lost sanity. “It’s about time too.” Emmett looked at all of them. “I declare it was like Grand Central Station in that place some times.” Michael glared at him. He was the worst offender. He always walked in unannounced, not that he’d admit it. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ “Hey Kenny,” Brian said to the bouncer at Babylon’s entrance. “Brian,” Kenny nodded. “Who’s your friend?” “Kenny, this is Justin, it’s his birthday, we won’t stay long.” Brian had his hand possessively on Justin’s shoulder. “No problem Brian, nice to meet you Justin.” Kenny opened the door for the two of them. His stoic face giving away none of their conversation to the anxious crowd in the line up that Brian and Justin had bypassed. The music throbbing around them, the writhing bodies on the packed dance floor, the smell of stale beer and a hundred colognes, male sweat, and sex, colored lights and falling glitter the two of them walked into a familiar world to Brian and an alien landscape for Justin. Justin was willing to merge himself into the very foreignness of it all, immediately embracing what he’d longed for. A part of his life that had been missing though he’d never known it, hundreds of men with thoughts and feelings like him, he was no longer alone, but home for the first time. Justin clutched Brian’s hand scared and excited at the same time. His body started to absorb the music and he longed to dance, but Brian continued to pull him through the crowd and up some metal stairs to a bar on the catwalk. Brian handed him a bottle of beer, cold and frosty and he drank deeply, the taste bitter yet thirst quenching, the alcohol rushed to his head and the room swirled for a second before righting itself. He grinned at Brian not wanting to admit it was the first time he’d ever tried beer; the experience with the bottle of wine he’d shared with Daphne had put him off alcohol up to this point. “Slow down Sonny Boy” Brian whispered in his ear and he nodded at the half empty bottle in Justin’s hand. “Hey boys.” He raised his voice to be heard above the music as he greeted his three friends. “Justin I want you to meet the gang, “Mikey you’ve met, this is Emmett and that’s Ted,” Brian nodded at the others, “Meet my friend Justin Taylor.” “As in ‘boyfriend” Emmett boldly asked his grin wide. “In an undefined, unconventional way, you could say that.” Brian admitted as he pulled Justin closer to him, his arm over his shoulder. “Well, Justin Taylor, I’m pleased to meet the young man who could tame la Kinney.” Emmett gave Justin a kiss on his cheek before Brian could move Justin out of reach. “Hi Justin,” Ted said before he swallowed another drink of his beer. Michael just nodded hello to the both of them. “Well boys, as scintillating as this conversation is, I’m going to dance with Justin.” Brian moved Justin back through the throng and down the stairs until they were mixed in with the dance crowd. Justin had begun to sway to the music before they reached the floor allowing the rhythm to take over his body. He wrapped his arms around Brian, who began to move in sync with his lover. It was if their moves were choreographed they were so in tune with each other’s bodies. Lost in their own private world they swayed to the music of both the dance club and themselves. Their hands never stopped as they caressed and touched and fondled. Their lips came together and time stopped around them as one by one the other patrons noticed the show. Michael, Ted and Emmett watched from the catwalk mesmerized, hardly believing what they were seeing. When Brian pulled Justin from the dance floor and they headed for the exit, it was almost as if the life of the party had left and the dancers on the floor were merely going through the motions not quite in sync with the music. “It isn’t going to work you know.” Michael said. “He’s too young and Brian is too set in his ways.” “Apparently Brian doesn’t know it.” Ted said. “He seems to be working just fine.” “You know what I mean.” Michael’s scowl was evident. “Yes, Michael, I’m afraid I do know what you mean.” Emmett said. He shook his head and turned back to watch the dance floor. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Jack and Joan lay in bed, neither one asleep as they both tried to ignore the hands on the clock. It was five to twelve and Brian had promised to have Justin in by twelve. If he didn’t, it would mean they would have to redefine their role in Justin’s life. He couldn’t have it both ways, be a school boy as well as an adult. It was another reason why they worried about the developing relationship between Brian and Justin. Both sighed with relief as the twin beams of a car’s headlights flashed through their window as it turned into the driveway. Both wondered how the evening had gone when the minutes ticked by and still Justin didn’t come in. The clock struck twelve and like Cinderella, the front door shut quietly and the headlights swept through their room once again. They listened for the footsteps walking up the stairs to his room, the flush of the toilet, the shutting of his bedroom door, the thump of his sneakers as they hit the floor one by one, the gentle sigh of the bedsprings. “Goodnight mom, goodnight dad.” Justin called and they could hear the smile in his voice. “Goodnight Justin.” They said in unison as they spooned together, eyes shut, sleep overtaking them both almost immediately, both warm inside that he’d called them mom and dad. The next morning Justin woke up refreshed. He’d been sure he’d never fall asleep as he relived his birthday, but his body had betrayed him and he’d been asleep in seconds after his head hit the pillow. The first thing he saw was the helium balloon and the rainbow tummied bear. He smiled at the sentiment and then he saw the gift wrapped package on his dresser. He’d forgotten about it. He was back in his bed, the package on his lap in seconds. Carefully he removed the ribbon and paper; he wanted to save it forever. Inside a deep blue gift box was a cell phone and a key along with a card. Justin: the phone is programmed with my numbers, home, work, cell, in that order. The key is for the loft. Brian Justin sat there on the bed trying to read between the lines of the short message on the card. What was Brian trying to tell him? ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Friday morning there was a message for Justin on his cell voice mail. He’d forgotten to turn the ringer on, he could have kicked himself. Brian had called to tell him that he was leaving for Chicago on business and would be back very late Friday night, depending on the flight availability. Justin had the memories of the night before to sustain him, so even though he’d missed Brian’s call, he went down to breakfast cheerful. “So do you feel older this morning?” Jack asked. For a moment Justin thought they knew that he and Brian had made love last night, but he quickly realized it was the same lame question most parents asked their kids the day after their birthday. “Kind of.” He admitted, though he didn’t say why. “Did Brian show you a good time?” Joan asked as she placed his breakfast down in front of him. “Yes, we went to his place and we had Chinese food, everything I like, but Brian only ate some plain noodles and a chicken vegetable thing. I ate everything else and he took me to Babylon to meet his friends and we danced a few dances before coming home.” “Aren’t you too young to get into that place?” Joan asked. “Brian was with me.” That was all the explanation Justin had and both Joan and Jack seemed to accept it as they knew their son was well liked down on Liberty Avenue. “What was in the parcel?” Jack asked. “I saw that Brian had something wrapped for you.” “He got me a cell phone.” Justin said. For some reason he didn’t want anyone to know about the key to the loft. “Well that’s a practical gift.” Jack said. “Make sure you leave us your number.” He handed Justin an envelope. “This is from Joan and I for your birthday, you and Brian disappeared so fast we didn’t have a chance to give it to you.” Justin’s eyes shined with unexpected emotion as he opened the envelope. It was a fifty dollar gift certificate for Grinyers the local art supply store. “Thanks, this is awesome.” He said. Impulsively he stood and kissed first Joan and then Jack on the cheek before sitting down to his breakfast. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ While Justin was in school, the first big dump of snow began to fall on Pittsburgh. It was a storm that was sweeping the mid to eastern side of the country. Justin and Daphne stood on the front steps of the school looking out on the white swirls of snow watching the drifts pile high. “Justin, we can give you a ride to the bus stop.” Daphne offered. She waved to her mother who was impatiently waiting in front of the school, her windshield rapidly being covered. “Daph, the bus stop is in the opposite direction, don’t worry about it. I won’t have to wait long.” Justin shouldered his backpack and set off down the school steps with his friend. “Justin, Justin” he heard his name being called. He looked around and was surprised to see Michael waving to him from across the street. He was standing in the open doorway of an old beat up station wagon. “Bye Daphne” he said and ran over to Michael. “Michael, what are you doing here?” “Brian called from Chicago and asked me to pick you up. He didn’t want you on the bus in this weather. It’s a good thing too because they pulled the busses off all but the main routes.” Michael got into the warm car and Justin ran around to the other side to get in. “I borrowed my mother’s car. Geeze this place is hard to find.” He looked around the stately street. “You’d think they’d keep the street plowed at least.” “I really appreciate it Michael.” Justin said. Inside the car with Brian’s best friend, Justin was a bit shy. Michael had known Brian for so long, almost as long as Justin had been alive and now Justin was moving in on the other man’s territory. “Do you want to go to the diner for something to eat before I take you to the Kinney’s?” Michael asked. “Ma is working this shift.” “What’s the diner?” “It’s the Liberty Avenue Diner, kind of a hangout for all of us on the Avenue. Ma works there, she has for as long as I can remember. We all go there for breakfast most days and usually once or twice on the weekends.” “Sure, it sounds good, but I have to call Mom and let her know I’m going to be late.” “I thought you lived at Brian’s parents place?” Michael asked. “I do.” Justin dialed the number on his cell phone. “Hi, I’m going to be home late and I didn’t want you guys to worry. Michael picked me up at school, yes Brian’s friend. He’s taking me to the diner for a snack.” He laughed “no I won’t spoil my supper. Tell dad not to even think about shoveling, I’ll do it when I get home, maybe the snow will have let up by then.” He flushed. “Me too.” He said and disconnected. “You call them Mom and Dad?” Michael had to ask. “It’s a courtesy thing, they’re a hell of a lot better than the ones I had.” Justin said fervently. “Oh” was all Michael could think of to say. The rest of the short drive was done in silence while Michael concentrated on the difficult road conditions and what he’d just learned about Justin’s relationship with Brian’s parents. “We’re here.” He announced as he pulled up in front of the diner. “Hey Ma.” He called out. “Hi Michael, who’s this with you?” she asked. “This is Justin, you know Brian’s sort of boyfriend.” Michael volunteered. “Brian asked me to pick him up from school because of the storm and I thought I’d bring him here for food and to meet you.” “Hey Sunshine.” Debbie said when she saw Justin’s smile. She enveloped Justin in a hug. “Great to meet Brian’s ‘sort of’ boyfriend, what ever that means.” She nodded to the back booth. “Sit down boys; I’ll be right over to take your order.” “Michael, I’m not Brian’s boyfriend.” Justin protested. “I’m his friend and I’m a boy, but we aren’t going steady or anything.” “Like that would ever happen.” Michael said. “Brian said you were his boyfriend, however unconventional, and that’s good enough for me and it should be good enough for you.” “I don’t ‘do’ boyfriends.” Justin said. “It’s just one more way of getting yourself fucked up and I have enough of that in my life now. I don’t need to encourage more.” “Look Justin, I don’t know you very well, but hear me out. Don’t fuck up with Brian. You hurt him and you’ll be answering to me as well as a lot of other people. Brian’s never before declared himself to anyone.” Justin looked at the table top. “I’d never hurt Brian.” He said. “I would die before I’d hurt him.” He looked Michael in the eyes. “You have no idea how I feel about that man, I’m not even sure myself, but I do know this. I will never consciously hurt him.” “Then we’re in agreement.” Michael signaled to his mother. “I’ll have a chocolate shake and a plate of fries and gravy.” He looked at Justin who nodded. “Justin will have the same.” “So Justin, what do you do besides go to school?” Michael sat back in the booth prepared to get to know Justin. “I’m finishing up at St. James and then I hope to get a scholarship to PIFA. I want to study art. Maybe work in computer graphics or advertising, I’m not sure yet.” “Riiiight, that was your stuff at the GLC.” He remembered the controversial pictures of Brian. “You’re good.” He conceded. “Thanks.” Justin took a swallow of his milkshake that had arrived. “What do you do?” “I own a comic book store.” Michael said. “Wow, that’s cool. I was so pissed when they killed off Captain Astro.” He looked at Michael, “Do you remember Captain Astro?” “Do I?” Michael began; soon they were embroiled in a topic that was dear to both of their hearts. Debbie stood back and watched the two of them bond and thanked the powers that be - because between them, they could have made Brian’s life hell. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Sunday Night – Justin’s bedroom The vibration of the phone on the pillow where Justin slept woke him right away. He looked at the clock, it was after midnight. “Hey” he said sleepily into the phone. “I woke you didn’t I?” Brian said. He was on his bed in the Chicago hotel, pillows behind his back, his long legs crossed in front of him. “Yeah, but that’s okay.” Justin yawned. “Sorry I couldn’t make it back to the Pitts, but the snow just wouldn’t cooperate.” Brian gave a half laugh. “I think we’re going to have a lot of this kind of non cooperation in our relationship.” “Probably, you being an old guy and all.” Justin teased. “But we’ve had some great phone sex, see that wouldn’t have happened if you hadn’t gone away.” “That’s true” Brian admitted. “How did you make out today?” “Not bad, I shoveled the driveway for the umpteenth time and I may just put a hit out on the street plow guy, he always manages to fill in the end as soon as I’ve cleared it.” Brian laughed. “I remember him well.” Brian had talked to Justin each day he’d been gone. It was rather interesting, the telephone allowed them enough anonymity to tell each other things they might not have said otherwise. “I won’t keep you awake any longer. I just wanted to say goodnight. I should be home by Wednesday at the latest.” “That’s almost Christmas.” “Yes it is. Have mom and dad got the tree up?” Brian asked. “We put it up today. It’s pretty big.” “Mom always likes a big tree. You’ll be picking pine needles out of your socks for weeks.” “I can hardly wait.” “Goodnight Justin.” “Night Brian.” He slowly closed the phone and settled back into his pillow. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ “Justin, I think you should reconsider. Your father has given permission for you to come home for Christmas. It doesn’t look right you living somewhere else. The annual Christmas party that we host is Friday he expects you there.” Justin looked at the phone in disbelief. “I can’t believe you even said that mom. He ‘expects’ me there so that his friends won’t know what a shit he is. Well sucks to be him, I’m not going any where near that house. I won’t even go into that part of town.” “But Justin, what about Christmas, your Grandparents have sent gifts.” “Mom, I’m not some little kid who only wants presents. I’d rather have a normal life at home like I have here. I’d rather be able to go to bed at night without worrying about some raving homophobic lunatic taking it into his head to ‘talk’ some sense into me. You know where I live. If you want me to have what the grandparents have given me, then bring them over. Otherwise no thank you.” “What about Molly?” Jennifer said playing the last card she had. “Molly doesn’t give two shits about me, so what about her?” Justin sighed. “Face it Mom, I’m not going there. I’m not going anywhere near anywhere he is.” With that said, Justin hung up the phone. Justin sat staring out the kitchen window. He’d answered the phone there and Joan Kinney had discretely left the room giving him privacy to talk to his mother. He couldn’t believe the amount of heart ache hearing her voice brought him. All the memories of his past came flooding into his mind oozing past the walls he’d erected to keep them at bay. Joan came back into the kitchen and saw the look on Justin’s face. She knew he couldn’t go back to the house of horror he’d lived in and she knew that a boy as sensitive as Justin would still feel torn because of it. She walked over to him and lay a hand on his shoulder only to have him lean into her, then wrap his arms around her and sob out his heart break. Finally, pulling himself together, Justin sat back. “Sorry for losing it on you.” he said, his voice low. He stood up. “I’m going to my room to study.” “Justin, it’s okay. I’ll always be here for you dear.” He turned back and kissed her cheek, “thanks mom.” He smiled a wavering smile and then turned and headed for his room. He glanced at the Christmas tree as he walked by. It always made him smile so wonderfully cheerful it was, full of family mementos and ornaments that had been collected over the years. It all but shouted with Christmas joy unlike the stiff golden designer trees his mother would have put up at his old house. This was his first Christmas away from his family. It would also be his first Christmas filled with love and joy and peace instead of drunken fighting, hate filled comments and terror. It really wasn’t a bad trade. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ “Hey Mom,” Brian stepped into the warm kitchen filled with delicious smells of Christmas baking. “Hey yourself.” She tilted her cheek for his kiss. “Have you told Justin yet of your Christmas plans?” “No, but I will.” Brian said as he took off his coat and scarf. “I just haven’t had a chance.” “That’s not very nice Brian. You’ll have him expecting a typical family Christmas in two days and that’s not what’s going to happen.” “Justin won’t mind.” Brian grabbed a cookie off of a plate. “Justin won’t mind what?” Justin asked as he came through the kitchen door. “Hey Brian,” he presented his cheek for a kiss and Brian laughed but kissed him only on the lips. “Yummy, cookie kisses.” He grinned. “Justin won’t mind his own business.” Brian said tongue in cheek. “So brat are you done school for the Holidays?” “Yep, I don’t have to go back until January 6th.” “Do you have anything exciting planned for your time off?” Brian asked innocently. “Brian, what would I have planned? I’m going to shovel snow, shovel more snow, draw pictures of snow, play with Daphne in the snow. My life centers around snow right now. Maybe if you came over more often, you could shovel the stuff.” Justin ate a cookie but saved the last bite for Brian. He slipped it into Brian’s mouth. “Then you won’t mind coming with me.” Brian grinned. “I’m leaving in an hour.” “Going where?” he asked “Can I go? He turned and asked Joan. “You don’t even know where it is” she laughed “Or for how long.” “But I’ll be with Brian,” as if that made everything all right. “Brian stop teasing.” Joan said. “And tell Justin what you have planned.” “No, then it wouldn’t be any fun.” Brian said. “Come on Sunshine, if you want to come with me, grab your back pack and some sketch books. I have your suitcase in the car.” Now Justin was curious. He looked from mother to son – both of them were smiling. “What’s up?” he asked. “Curiosity killed the cat.” Brian said and handed Justin his heavy coat. “Bye mom I’ll call when we’re back in the Pitts.” “Brian, where are you taking me?” Justin couldn’t stop smiling at the idea that Brian was taking him somewhere and it must be overnight if he had a suitcase packed. The jeep moved through the snow covered streets of Pittsburgh, the tires hissing as Brian made his way to the airport. No matter how many times Justin asked, Brian refused to tell him where they were headed or for how long. Finally at the long term parking lot Justin twigged that wherever they were going it was going to be for longer than a week. “Brian, we’re going to miss Christmas.” He looked anxious. “We aren’t going to miss Christmas Sunshine; you can’t miss something that happens world wide. It’ll just be different and Mom and Dad are going to have a big New Years thing at the house for the whole gang including Gus.” “But the tree and everything,” he was almost in tears. “Hey, Sunshine,” Brian turned and looked at him. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know it would mean so much to you.” he sighed. “Mom was right, I should have asked you, but I wanted to give you a surprise. I booked us 8 days on a tropical island and better yet, it’s a gay tropical island resort.” “You mean you and me together for 8 days by ourselves on a holiday?” Justin’s eyes lit up. “And your mom is holding Christmas for us when we get back?” “That’s about the size of it.” Brian said. “Brian I love it.” He threw his arms around Brian, kissing him passionately. “It’s the best Christmas ever. You mean like no Michael, no Emmett, and no Ted?” he needed to be reassured having had his fill of all of them over the past couple of weeks. “Just you and I and an island full of fags, swimming pools and sunshine.” “That is definitely my kind of place.” Justin couldn’t stop grinning. Brian looked at him, all excited. He wasn’t sure now that he wanted to share even a little bit of Justin with anyone else and this island would be full of predators who would love a piece of blond boy ass. He couldn’t believe he’d been such a fool. But it was too late now, their plane was leaving in an hour.