Behind the Fifth Moon Chapter 2 – The First Year Continues Justin’s POV Thanksgiving weekend was wonderful. Brian was in an amazingly great mood. He loved the dinner and told me it was the most peaceful Thanksgiving celebration he’d ever attended. His life as a child must have been hell. I hear it in his voice and sometimes he lets little bits of those days slip out into the open. When he asked me to wire his sitting room for audio and visual, I was ecstatic. It was almost like we were really together. This is so stupid and juvenile – I know so much about Brian and he doesn’t know me at all. I pin all my hopes and dreams on a man who thinks of me as a camera lens in the corner if he thinks of me at all. The most I can hope for is the chance to do something for him – he’s done so much for me – so like a good little wife, I prepare his dinner and see that his laundry is done – though he never sees me doing these things – he has to know it’s me. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Thanksgiving passed and Brian once again lost himself in his studies. He came back to La Cinquième Lune almost every day now. More and more he thought of it as home. By the time Brian arrived from the University the house would be ablaze with light welcoming him home. Dinner would be waiting for him in the kitchen and he would sit and tell Justin about his day. If he saw Daphne he’d talk about her knowing that Justin missed his friend. Michael had been asking about Brian returning for Christmas. Brian had missed Michael and Debbie at first, but now that he felt comfortable at La Cinquième Lune and at the University, he didn’t miss them as much. And then there was Justin. If Brian left for a week over Christmas, Justin would be all alone. If the guy wouldn’t let anyone see him now, he’d be worse Brian figured, if he was abandoned during the holidays. Christmas had never been a big part of Brian’s life. It had been hell in the Kinney household and only tolerably better at Michael’s where no matter how close he was, Brian had always felt like some kind of poor relation. If he stayed at La Cinquième Lune, he could make new Christmas memories. Once he’d made the decision, Brian let Justin know about it. “Hey Justin, if you’re listening, I want you to know I’ll be here over Christmas break. So deck the halls and all that stuff. It’s just you and I.” laughing to himself over Justin’s supposed reply. Brian left the house to run into the city. He wanted to get something for Justin for Christmas, but he had no idea what to get him. Brian figured he might as well go and find Daphne to ask her opinion. He’d often had lunch and coffee with her and once and awhile Brian had delivered things or picked things up at the gallery, though he always used the back door. But today there was a large delivery truck blocking the gallery rear door, so Brian headed back up the alley to find a parking spot on the street. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Justin’s POV The Christmas season was approaching and I’d been dreading the days alone in this mausoleum with only my memories to keep me company – and suddenly there is hope. Brian says he is spending Christmas with me. I cried for the first time since the accident – not from sadness but from the sheer joy of having him help me live through those days. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ What he saw made him stop dead in the middle of the sidewalk. Hanging on the wall in front of the main window was a larger than life size picture of a nude man, poised to dive in a pool, a puddle of a white robe at his feet. Though his back was to the viewing audience, it was clear to Brian that he was looking at himself through Justin’s eyes. Slowly, as if in a daze, Brian walked into the gallery, while he wasn’t the subject of every painting Justin had in there, the ones he was in leapt at him as if alive. “Fuck!” Brian thought. “Hey Brian.” Daphne came up to her friend and gave him a kiss. “What do you think?” she asked. “I can’t believe he painted all of this. He must watch me all the time.” “No he doesn’t. He has a photogenic memory. He doesn’t need to have you pose or to watch you unnecessarily long. He tells me he can’t get you out of his mind and try as he will, you end up in a lot of his paintings. Or parts of you do.” She indicated a painting that showed a pair of hazel eyes looking out of the darkness made by a hundred different leaves in a jungle. “Should I start to worry, this is kind of creeping me out.” “Brian, come over here. These are Justin’s painting from before Brian Kinney.” She led him to a back room where the paintings on the wall were dark slashes of color, that seemed to scream from the canvas tortured and twisted and utter despair, of the mind that was Justin’s at the time. “Holy fuck, that’s what he painted? Who in hell would buy that kind of thing?” Brian shook his head. “Believe it or not, it sells rather well.” Daphne explained. “But he hasn’t done any like that since last June and that’s when you appeared. I told you that you were good for him.” “Brian, he tells me you talk to him all the time. He looks forward to you coming home and talking to him.” “I came here to get some ideas for a Christmas present for him.” Brian looked around the back room and then out at the paintings in the main salon. “He’s very talented isn’t he?” “Yes he is.” “Is he gay?” Brian asked. “Please answer that question for me.” “Yes he is.” “Is that why Ethan wants to rip my heart out?” Brian nodded at the paintings. “I suppose that’s part of it. He’s always wanted Justin for himself.” “If you were going to give Justin anything at all for Christmas, no matter what it was, what would you give him?” “I’d give him one evening with you, alone, touching, even kissing. He has to learn to live again.” She shook her head. “But that won’t happen. He won’t let anyone near him. He hasn’t touched another person in I don’t know how long and certainly no one has touched him.” She sighed. “But he won’t even celebrate Christmas now. Christmas was when the accident happened two years ago. I think it’s too painful for him.” “I’m glad I decided to stay here then. He shouldn’t be alone.” Brian was quiet, he had an idea but he wasn’t sure if it would work. It was the week before Christmas. But they say miracles do happen. That night when he was chatting to Justin during supper, Brian said something that made the other man panic slightly up in his west wing. “Justin, Christmas is coming. It’s not the greatest time of the year for me and I’ve decided that this year I’m going to start making my own better Christmas memories. Soooo” Brian paused this was the hard part, hard for Justin that is. “I would like to give you the gift of starting your life again. This is what I propose. From now on, every night that I’m here, I want you to come down to my room. You can sit on a chair or on the bed and we’ll talk, just for a few minutes or as long as you want. You have complete control over the situation. We’ll keep all the lights off. I won’t be able to see you at all. You know the layout of my room so you’ll be able to find me. Just talk and maybe after awhile we can graduate to holding hands or touching. But you are in charge. You can leave at any time and I won’t follow you.” Brian got up and began to clean the kitchen. “It’s all up to you Justin. Do you want your life back? I can help.” ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Justin’s POV He wants me to have my life back – I heard the words and I began to shake. Would it be possible? Or am I too much of a coward after all this time alone on this island? I tried, I really tried to come down to him tonight – the sun was beginning to light up the mountains in the distance when I steeled myself to take him a glass of freshly squeezed orange juice – an apology for my cowardness. I saw him sleeping there in the bed, his hair rumpled, his face so peaceful – I wanted so desperately to kiss his lips, to touch him, to hold him forever in my arms. But instead I could only stand there and long for him before turning tail and running back to my prison. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Brian wasn’t surprised when there was no sign of Justin that night before he fell asleep. But the next morning he woke up and found a glass of fresh squeezed orange juice in a glass beside his bed. He knew then that Justin had come down and from the feel of the glass; he must have waited until darn near dawn. Brian wandered out into the kitchen. His usual cold cereal waited him there. He sat down and drank his juice knowing Justin was watching. “Very good Justin, but let’s try it again tonight. You probably noticed I didn’t bite. There were no mantraps in the room; you didn’t end up hanging from one foot from ceiling. There was just me sleeping.” Brian chopped wood that day. The weather was gray and miserable. He could see snow on the mountains in the distance, but all they ever seemed to get on the island was rain. Damn cold miserable rain. He stopped in the house only long enough to get out of his wet clothes and grab a quick shower before taking his robe and heading for the hot tub. If ever he needed the hot bubbling water it was tonight. He was sitting in the hot water contemplating the ocean waves which seemed gray and ominous in the moonlight, when he noticed a light on in one of Justin’s rooms and a figure walk past the window. Brian moved so that he could see clearer. The man was slightly built. He was dressed in baggy pants and a loose shirt, so Brian couldn’t see for sure what his body was like but he did notice that he was indeed blond. He watched him pick up a picture and stare at it and then suddenly crumble to the floor, clearly crying. Brian’s arms ached to comfort him, but instead he left Justin his privacy. Brian got out of the hot tub returned to the house. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Justin’s POV When I began to cry the other day because Brian was spending Christmas, I didn’t realize that the cold and dark feelings I had been living with deep inside of me were beginning to fade. Now when I see a picture of Mom and Dad and Molly, I can cry and mourn their loss. The brick of ice that was my heart has begun to melt and I am coming alive. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Not sure whether Justin would come and visit, Brian thought he’d take a chance and he made a thermos of cocoa. He had the thermos and two mugs on his bedside table. It was cocoa he’d bought thinking to send it to Michael, but had changed his mind. It was a rich dark chocolate and raspberry flavored mix. Knowing Justin had a sweet tooth, Brian put a few mini marshmallows on a plate to add to the blond’s drink if and when he appeared. Brian was in bed and thinking about the day’s events when he heard something at his door. The lack of light made it unnerving. “Hey Justin, is that you?” he asked. “Yes” was the hesitant reply from the doorway. “Great. I made cocoa. Do you want some?” “Nnno” “I have marshmallows” he said in a weedily voice and Justin gave a small giggle that caught them both off guard. “I’ll pour you a cup and it will give you something to throw at me if you think I’m overstepping my bounds.” Brian opened the thermos and poured a mug of cocoa. He kept one finger in it to make sure it didn’t get too full. The tantalizing aroma of chocolate and raspberries filled the room. “I’m giving you all the marshmallows. I’m watching my weight.” Justin laughed at that. “You don’t have to.” His voice was rough and he wished he still sounded like he did before the accident. Now he sounded like he’d been smoking and drinking hard all of his life. “I’m going to put the mug on the table beside the bed. You know where it is. You can get it and then sit down. You have two choices. I brought in a chair from the sitting room, it’s near the table or you can sit on the bed.” “The chair” Justin whispered. Brian could hear him slowly move to the chair and then he heard the coffee mug slide on the wood of the table. “Good cocoa” “I was hoping you’d like it. I bought it for Michael, you remember me telling you about him, but then I changed my mind when I discovered your chocolate addiction.” “Poor Michael.” “He’ll live. I sent him a comic book he’s been looking for. He’ll like that better.” “Comic book – I thought he was your age.” “He’s a bit older, but he’s addicted to comics like you are to chocolate.” “I understand then.” Justin sipped his cocoa. Brian could hear the nervous tremor in the other man’s voice. “Do I make you nervous?” Brian asked. “I’m sorry if I do.” “A little, but it’s not really you. I just haven’t been this close to anyone in a long time.” “It’s a start Justin, that’s all you can do. Being here, sharing a drink and talking is a start.” “Yes” he paused. “I kind of surprised myself. I didn’t think I could do it. You have no idea how hard this is.” “No I don’t, but I hope I can help. Who knows, in less than four years, maybe you’ll come to my graduation.” “That’s a long ways away. I suppose anything is possible.” “Of course anything is possible.” Brian and just sat in silence until. “Justin, why have you painted so many pictures of me?” “You saw them?” “Some of them, I was at the gallery yesterday to take Daphne for coffee. I don’t usually go in the salon, but this time I did.” “I’m sorry, I should have asked.” Justin’s voice was low. “I was a bit surprised, but I guess it’s kind of flattering. At least you didn’t paint my face just my ass. Not many recognize my ass.” Justin giggled. “I should hope not. Do you still go to The Cuff?” “I’ve been there a few more times.” “Did you like it?” “I like to dance so that part was good. The dance floor is small though.” “I like to dance to.” Justin realized what he’d said. “I used to like to dance.” “Maybe we could dance some night. I could put some music on, we could dance.” “Here?” “In the sitting room.” “Well, maybe some day.” Justin didn’t sound hopeful. Brian could hear him stand up. “I’ve got to go Brian. Thank you for the cocoa.” “Anytime Justin, anytime.” “Can I come back tomorrow night?” “Sure, why don’t we sit in the other room, it’ll be more comfortable for you. I’ll even make more cocoa.” ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Justin’s POV I did it, I did it – I wanted to run away a thousand times – but being there in his room – I could almost see him – it was wonderful. He made me cocoa and put marshmallows on it. How did he know that was my favorite? That my mom used to make me cocoa every night during the winter. We talked for a little while – he knows about my paintings and he wasn’t angry – I was embarrassed to be found out – but happy that he knew. I sat and stared at the phone when I got back to my room and then not being a patient person I called Daphne to tell her about my great adventure. Even waking her from sleep, she was happy for me. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Brian lazed in bed thinking about the night before when the phone began to ring. “Hey” he said not being thoroughly awake. “So Brian, was it good for you too?” Daphne asked with a giggle. “I am going to give you the biggest and the best hug you will ever receive when I see you next.” “Thanks Daph, but you really aren’t my type.” “I don’t care – Justin – you actually got him to talk to you and to come to your room.” “The jungle drums have been busy and it isn’t even seven in the morning.” Brian drawled. “You’ve done what no one else has been able to do in almost three years Brian. I am soooo loving you.” “That’s nice Daph, now let me go. I need to shower. Busy day and all that.” They talked for a few more minutes and then Brian got up ready to begin another day. He hoped that Justin would come back tonight. He wished he could persuade the man to let him have a light on. Even one in another room would be better than nothing, but one step at a time, one step at a time. Later that night, after Brian had finished his swim and then showered, arranged the seating in the sitting room making sure there was a table close by for Justin to place his cup of cocoa on. Then he prepared the cocoa like he had the night before and turned out the lights to wait for Justin. He knew that Justin was close; he could feel it deep inside, a connection with the blond that somehow transcended the darkness and space. “Hey Justin, I’m glad you came back.” Justin moved confidently forward, his hand finding the back of the sofa before he went around it and sat down. Immediately he realized that Brian was sitting on the other end. He was about to get up and move to the chair when Brian said. “I did promise you I wouldn’t bite.” Justin relaxed back in his seat astonished that he’d allowed himself to get so close to another person. “I – I’m sorry” he whispered having a decided a whisper was better sounding than his raspy voice. “Sorry is bullshit Justin – well it is most times.” He sighed. “Have some cocoa, it’s raspberry again.” “Thanks Brian.” Justin hesitated. “My mother used to make me cocoa on winter nights.” “Some mothers do things like that. Well mine didn’t.” “She didn’t?” “No” Brian hesitated. “Can I tell you something without you running back to your lair?” “Maybe, oh I suppose so.” “You have a sexy voice. It sends shivers up my spine when you talk. You should talk to me more. Maybe rig up your sound system for two way talking.” “My voice isn’t sexy, it’s my vocal chords, they were damaged.” “Well lucky for me they were, because Justin, you have one damn sexy voice.” “You really think so?” “I said so didn’t I?” Brian laughed. “Justin, I don’t usual compliment people. I mean what I say.” “Then thanks for the compliment.” “Do you have a kitchen in the west wing?” Brian asked “Why?” “I worry about you when I’m here, I’m afraid you might not be eating. I was thinking maybe I shouldn’t come home so early or something so that you could make your dinner and disappear into your lair before I arrive.” “Brian, I have a small kitchen. Please don’t stay away.” “You could come and join me at meal times you know.” “Don’t push Brian, I’m not ready for that.” “I won’t push.” “Brian, I watch you in the pool.” Justin confessed. “I don’t mean to, but you’re there every night.” “I thought you might. I did see the painting Justin.” “I used to love the pool. I used to swim at night too. There’s something wonderful about being in the pool, the water warm and the air cold, the salt spray from the waves and a zillion stars in the sky.” “There isn’t any reason why you couldn’t join me.” Brian moved so that he was facing Justin even though he couldn’t see him. “Justin, come and join me some night. Pick a moonless night if you want. We could swim together and then warm up in the hot tub.” “But” “Justin, right now there’s a little light from the clock, another bit of light from the kitchen stove and the moon is full. I can see you, just not clearly and you can see me. I know you can. It’s not that scary is it?” Justin looked around him. Brian was right, he could see the other man, not well, but he could see the shadow of him and he could make out their mugs of cocoa. “I’m sitting here with you and we can see each other and I’m not afraid.” His voice was tinged with wonder. “It’s amazing all right.” Brian teased. “Think of the possibilities.” “Brian, I’m going to go now. Thank you for being so nice.” “Justin, you don’t have to leave. I won’t tease you anymore.” “It’s not that Brian, I kind of like that you think enough of me to tease me. I can’t explain it right now.” Justin stood up and swiftly disappeared through the door. Brian could hear the other man’s feet running through the old house and then the slam of a door. “Shit” Brian said more to himself. “I shouldn’t have sat close to him. I should have kept my distance.” The next day when he woke up Brian knew immediately that Justin was gone. The December winds howled around the eves of the old house and the sky was gray and heavy with snow clouds and Justin was gone. He could feel the emptiness and the loneliness of the house. Brian realized that he didn’t so much as come home to La Cinquième Lune each night, he came home to Justin. Brian picked up his phone and dialed Daphne. “He’s gone Daph.” Was all he said when the girl answered. “I know, I just heard from him.” She said. Her voice was filled with tears. “Oh Brian, I was hoping that you could help him. I wanted him to have his life back so badly.” She started to cry. “Where did he go?” “Probably to his place in Mexico. I’m not sure. He’s driving so it’ll take him awhile to get there. He only drives at night.” She sobbed. “He said for you to use your key. That there’s a letter for you in his room and his Christmas gift to you. He said for us not to look for him, but that he’d be back and not to worry about anything. Brian he stopped at his lawyers on the way out of town and gave you power of attorney so that you could look after the house and everything.” “You’re fucking kidding me.” “No, he trusts you Brian, he’s never given Ethan power of attorney and believe me(,) the little slime ball has asked for one often enough.” “I have to go Daphne.” Brian hung up the phone and sat on his bed wondering if he would ever have the nerve to walk up the stairs and let himself into Justin’s wing. Finally, with grim determination he pulled on his jeans and padded through the house. He noticed the garage door was open and the Cadillac was missing. “You little asshole” he muttered and ran out into the sleeting rain to close the door. His feet were frozen by the time he got back but he didn’t notice so determined was he to head to Justin’s rooms. Brian unlocked the door and secured it open. For some reason he didn’t want to be closed in where Justin had spent the last three years. The studio had been prepared for Justin’s absence. Canvases were covered with white cotton dust covers. The brushes were cleaned and set neatly in a row and in the center of a large worktable was a gift-wrapped package with a vellum envelope propped up against it. Rather than open the envelope or the package, Brian walked around the room and looked at a few of Justin’s sketches that had pinned thumb tacked to the walls. There was a wide variety many of people that Brian didn’t recognize though they bore a resemblance to Justin. He thought maybe they were some of Justin’s family though he couldn’t be sure. There was Daphne and Stevi and even Ethan hanging on the walls and there were sketches of Brian and sketches of Brian with a shorter blond man at his side. A blonde young man with no facial features only piercing blue eyes sadder than any Brian had ever seen. And he knew right away that this blond man represented Justin. And Brian wondered not for the first time what could be wrong with Justin’s face that was so bad he felt he had to hide away from the world. Brian stood at the floor to ceiling window and looked out over the garden below. The walled garden that was sleeping now for the winter, sat stark and lonely below with only a green holly bush bright with red berries to add color to the dull browns. He could see the swimming pool and the hot tub and thought that this is where Justin must have stood when he watched Brian swimming night after night aching to join him but too afraid to try. Brian turned and went through a door that led to Justin’s bedroom and where there was light from the many windows in the studio, here there was only darkness. The walls were painted a deep navy almost black, the bed was small and lonely. The bathroom door stood open and while it was filled with luxurious fittings there was no mirror over the sink and Brian realized that there were no mirrors anywhere that he could see. It was too much to take in the sadness and loneliness lay over the rooms like a heavy fog. With a heavy heart, Brian returned to the studio and picked up the heavy vellum envelope. He traced his name written in a bold and defiant script on the front with his finger before turning it over and opening it. My Dear Brian: Yes I am a coward. I admit it freely. You were giving me light and I chose darkness. Not because I like darkness. Believe me Brian I don’t. I am sick to death of cowering in my rooms that once were my joy and now are my prison. You came into my life and like a Prince in a fairy tale, you awakened me from a deep sleep and it scares me. It terrifies me. I am feeling emotions I’ve never felt before. Emotions that I never wanted to feel. I’m remembering things that make my heart break over and over as each memory returns. You did this to me – Brian Kinney of the hazel eyes and the auburn hair, my Prince. As long as I stayed in my tower and wove my fantasies about you that I knew would never be fulfilled, I could live peacefully and dream my dreams. But you coaxed me down from my tower and gave me a moment of hope that my life could become normal and then when I ran up the stairs to my prison I saw my reflection in the window and I knew that it would never be possible. Please don’t leave La Cinquième Lune, your place is there. You need the job and I need you to do what you do to make the place run. I want you to finish your studies at the University of Washington and be the best damn ad man ever. I want you to have everything in life that you deserve dear Prince Brian, holder of the kind heart and fearless spirit that I’ve come to love. Sounds silly doesn’t it. I’m twenty three years old and I fall in love with someone four years younger and who barely knows I’m alive. But that’s life for you. I will stop at my lawyer’s on the way out of town and make sure that you have a complete Power of Attorney over my affairs. I never thought I would ever find someone I could trust so completely, but I have in you. The lawyer will contact you to arrange for banking access. La Cinquième Lune takes an amazing amount of cash to keep it going and there will also be monetary decisions for the Fifth Moon downtown. I hope these additional responsibilities won’t interfere with your schooling. And where will I be? I don’t know for sure. Painting of course because that’s my life and if you don’t mind I’d like to email you every now and then to touch base and see how things are going with you. Yours always Justin Brian read the letter over and over but it still read the same way. It didn’t make any sense to him that Justin would run away because he didn’t think he was beautiful enough for Brian. Did Justin really think that he was that shallow? The bright red paper of the Christmas present caught Brian’s eye and he unwrapped it carefully. It was a small painting done by the missing artist. It showed a handsome young blond man staring into a mirror that reflected a shattered and scarred face. His blue eyes so filled with pain that Brian had to glance away. A card drifted to the floor and Brian picked it up. The real me – a self portrait – Justin Taylor – Christmas Carrying the picture down stairs after carefully locking Justin’s door, Brian was saddened by the fact Justin felt he had to hide his face from the world and especially from Brian. He dialed Daphne’s number. “Hey Daphne, he’s really gone.” “I know he is Brian. Justin is my best friend in the world but there are times I could just shake him.” “Do you have his email address?” “Yes,” “I want it. I want him to know a few things and maybe I can get him to communicate with me. He did say he would email me later. I’ll just beat him to it.” Brian paused. “Daphne he painted a picture that he says is a self portrait. In it his face has been shattered. Is that what he really looks like?” “No, but that’s how he sees himself. Yes he has a few scars from the accident, but they are barely noticeable. I think because his family all died and he was barely touched, that it’s what his mind sees. That he feels like he was shattered and that’s what he sees when he looks at himself.” “Well it isn’t what I see.” Brian declared “and it’s up to me to let him know that even if it takes me the rest of my life.” Daphne laughed. “I do believe Brian Kinney you can out stubborn even Justin.” His email address is behind5thmoon@uniserve.com. Good luck” And so Brian found himself on Christmas Eve writing the first of many emails to Justin. To: behind5thmoon@uniserve.com From: bakinney@hotmail.com Subject: Christmas It’s Christmas Eve and though it turned out not quite like I expected, it still is better than many I’ve had. I respect your decision to disappear from my life. But what I find hard to understand is how someone who professes to love me, can leave me without giving me the opportunity to love him or not. I mean Justin, you may have watched me and listened to me for months, but the first I really heard you was just the other day. I haven’t even seen you. I don’t think that is entirely fair on your part. In fact it sucks and I’m calling you on that. I will winterize the house tomorrow and return to the dorms. Without you here this house is far too dismal to stay any longer. You and only you provided the life that made La Cinquième Lune. I will come out each weekend and make sure everything is okay. Once Stevi comes back I may be out more often until we break for the summer. And then I will work as I did last summer. I already miss you and find myself talking to the cameras though I know you aren’t there any longer in your ‘tower’ like the drama princess you are. The painting you gave me for Christmas showed me the real you but who is the guy in the mirror? I don’t recognize him. Take care my blond princess. Your Prince. Brian hit send before he had time to think about what he’d written. He could only hope that Justin would take the unspoken challenge he’d issued and reply. The next day Brian prepared the house for a winter closure. He regretted doing it but there was no way he would stay at La Cinquième Lune during the week alone. Being back at school early gave him extra time to work ahead in some of his subjects and study more intensely. He checked his email daily but there was no word from Justin until almost the end of January. Brian had been tempted to email him again many times, but each time stopped himself, Justin had to make the first move. To bakinney@hotmail.com From: behind5thmoon@uniserve.com Subject: apologies due My dear Prince – despite your rhetoric that sorry is bullshit, I want to apologize to you for presuming so much. I think I wove so many fantasies in my head that they began to seem real to me. I guess I’m really not that good at being a recluse – maybe there are lessons to take. Yes La Cinquième Lune is somewhat daunting, but I want you to enjoy it. I loved how often you used the pool and the hot tub. I want you to think of the place as yours. You should live like the Prince you are despite the fact that you no longer have an in residence drama princess. How are your studies? I worry that I’ve placed too much on your shoulders and that it will take you away from your studies. I just know you will be the best ever in your chosen field. I sent you another Christmas Present. I am traveling and came across this and knew it was ‘you’; please accept it in the spirit it is given. I had it sent to your dorm address in case you missed the delivery at La Cinquième Lune. I don’t know whether I’ll ever be ‘normal’ in the sense that I was at one time. But I know that because of you, I am willing to try to return to what the world views as normal. For that I have you to thank. Always Justin Brian printed the email out. He would want to read it again. Before he answered it, he wanted to take time to think of what next to say to stimulate Justin’s mind enough to have him answer. He lay back on his bed and thought again of the young artist. Justin was in his mind all the time, this really wasn’t anything different. “Hey Kinney, there’s a delivery for you. You have to sign for it.” One of the other students shouted in his door. “I’m not fucking deaf Joel” Brian said. He sauntered downstairs to the main desk where a delivery man stood not too patiently waiting. “You Kinney?” the man asked. “Yeah” “Sign this” he handed Brian a clip board. Brian could see a box wrapped in heavy brown paper, a familiar logo printed all over it. He signed the delivery slip and took the parcel. “Hey Kinney, since when do you get parcels from Hugo Boss?” one of the more observant students asked. “What can I say, Hugo and I are tight.” Brian smirked and headed to his room. He unwrapped the parcel to find one of the softest black leather jackets he’d ever seen. He put it on and it fit perfectly as if it had been tailored for him. Inside the jacket on the lining was his name written in script. “Fuck, a jacket that’s so fucking expensive they had to write my name in it.” Brian said in wonder. It must be what Justin had bought him. To: behind5thmoon@uniserve.com From: bakinney@hotmail.com Subject: presents Justin, you are a drama princess – what are you thinking of buying me a jacket that has to have cost the earth? Can’t you just do things normally? Like maybe buy me a flower or a cute card or whatever drama princesses buy these days. Of course I love it and I wish I had the strength of will to tell you to stick it. But I know you were thinking of me when you bought it and that makes it special. How did you know my size? It fits perfectly. Keeping up the maintenance at La Cinquième Lune isn’t a problem and the paper work involved in paying the bills for the place is hardly time consuming. My studies are not in jeopardy. I still have my standing at the top of the class, never fear. I won’t relinquish that spot. It’s a point of honor for me. I heard from Stevi the other day. Since you aren’t home she won’t be coming until after Easter weekend. I’ll probably be there then and begin the main clean up in the garden. Spring break is just around the corner. I was going to go to Pittsburgh and see everyone but changed my mind, though I still might go. It depends on a lot of things. I’ll let you know my schedule. I’ve attached a picture of me wearing the jacket that one of the guys took. I sent one to Mikey too. Of course he’ll just think I’m wearing any old jacket. LOL But that’s Mikey. As for you my blond drama princess – I wish you well in your travels. I hope you find lots of interesting things to paint. Daphne sends her love. Brian Brian sighed and hit send. It wasn’t exactly what he wanted to say, but it would have to do. He looked at his watch. It was still early. He might as well go out to the house now and spend the night. That way he wouldn’t have get up early in the morning. He was surprised to find the gate opened when he arrived at the causeway. It was always kept shut and locked. The night seemed darker than usual with the clouds obscuring the moon and the waves hitting the causeway in thunderous splashes. Brian drove onto the causeway and then shut and locked the gate behind him. He was almost at the house when he realized that there was a light on in Justin’s rooms as well as a few rooms downstairs. His heart skipped a beat. Brian thought Justin had returned though when he pulled up to the garage it was closed and locked and a strange SUV was parked in the driveway. Not sure if it was Justin now, Brian silently opened the unlocked front door and moved inside. A few of Justin’s paintings were stacked by the door, bare and not crated. This didn’t look good. Just then Ethan came out of Justin’s room carrying two more paintings. “What the fuck are you doing Ian?” Brian asked calmly. He was pleased to see Ethan jump and hear him give a small barely suppressed scream. “It’s none of you business Kinney.” “Oh, I think it is. Now turn around like a good little boy and put Justin’s paintings back where you found them.” “He asked me to take them to the gallery.” “Nice try asshole. But no he didn’t.” “Look Kinney, I don’t know who the fuck you think you are, but I’ve been Justin’s agent for a long time. I have more right than you do to be in here. I may just call the police and charge you with trespassing.” “You do that pal. The phone is right over there. You might want to mention that I have a key to the place including the room you just broke into as well as Justin’s Power of Attorney that says I have every right to be here.” Brian sneered and looked from the paintings to Ethan. “I don’t know why you think stealing Justin’s work is going to be an asset on your resume. But trust me Ian; it really won’t look that good.” “I don’t have to take this kind of shit from you Kinney.” Ethan said and he put the paintings against the wall and stomped down the stairs passing Brian and heading out the door. After the other man left, Brian put the paintings back in Justin’s room, carefully placing them where they had been. He knew Ethan wouldn’t be able to get past the gate until he asked for Brian to open it. Brian took great satisfaction in making the other man wait, honking his horn over and over until Brian pushed the automatic release and let him through. He debated with himself if he should let Justin know about what Ethan had been up to. After all they had been together a long time. In the end Brian decided he’d better tell him. So before he went to bed, after his swim, Brian once again wrote Justin an email. To: behind5thmoon@uniserve.com From: bakinney@hotmail.com Subject: weasels Sorry Princess for interrupting your travels with this little bit of disturbing news. I went out to La Cinquième Lune early and found your buddy Ethan had broken in and was removing a number of your paintings. Everything is back unharmed so not to worry. I’ll repair the broken locks tomorrow. I’m sure he won’t dare come back again, but just in case, I’ll arrange for a security company to check on the place when I’m not in residence. Brian (who had a wonderful swim even if he was alone} Brian didn’t really expect to hear from Justin right away though he did check his email often. He’d repaired the locks and made a point in coming out to the house as often as was practical, considering he was studying fast and furious for his exams before spring break. When he did hear from Justin it was by regular mail. Brian opened the bulky envelope and pulled out plane tickets and a letter. Dear Prince: The tickets are to thank you for rescuing me once again in the form of my paintings. Ethan has been dealt with. Enjoy yourself on your spring break. Come back to La Cinquième Lune rested and relaxed. Justin (who just this once has hung up his drama princess crown) Brian looked at the tickets. They were first class tickets from Seattle to Pittsburgh and back. He was going home and first class no less. His grin was wide and his heart beat wildly. Pittsburgh wasn’t his favorite place, but it would be nice to see Michael, Debbie and Vic. To: behind5thmoon@uniserve.com From: bakinney@hotmail.com Subject: Pittsburgh Princess – I vowed never to travel on the bus again but I certainly didn’t expect to fly to the Pitts first class so soon – A great reward for something that I did without thinking. Thanks. I’ll have a good visit and let you know how everything went since you know so much about everyone there already. Brian – who will feel like a Prince when he’s flying first class Brian arrived in Pittsburgh in the middle of a sudden spring snow storm. He was glad for his jacket though it wasn’t as warm as his old one. He looked for Michael and was surprised to see a bright red headed Deb heading toward him “Brian, come and give me a hug sweetie. I can’t believe you’re finally home. We’ve missed you so much.” “Where’s Mikey?” Brian asked. “He had to work. He’s got a very good job at the Big Q.” “What happened to community college?” “Oh you know Mikey; he just wasn’t ready for that right now. He dropped out before Christmas. Maybe next year.” She pinched Brian’s cheek. “Just look at you. I’m sure you’ve gotten taller and what a la de da jacket. Don’t you look grand.” “It’s just a jacket Deb.” Brian picked up his bag from the luggage carousel. Debbie led him to where her car was parked. She never stopped talking and Brian went into his usual Debbie overload and thought of other things. Pittsburgh despite the fresh snow looked as grungy as ever. Nothing much changed. Vic was at the house when they finally arrived and the next hour was spent catching up with each other’s lives. “Hey Ma did you get Brian from the airport?” Michael shouted as he came in the door. “No she made me take the bus.” Brian smirked and then laughed at Michael’s outrage. “No asshole, of course she picked me up.” He hugged his old friend. “So I hear you’re some kind of big shot at the Big Q.” “I’m the manager of the appliance department. It’s no big deal.” “It is so. He got a raise and everything.” “Good for you Mikey.” Brian grinned at him. “So, how did you manage to get away for the week?” Vic asked. “My employer thought I needed a break.” Brian said. “I’ll be working there all summer and I’m there most weekends.” “Sounds like quite a job.” “The pay is pretty good and I have a nice place to stay. It’s a good job alright.” “Have you met any hot guys?” Debbie asked. “I’ve met a couple.” Brian admitted. “The clubs there suck, but I don’t go out much so it doesn’t really matter.” “I’ve been going to Babylon with Emmett. It’s pretty hot.” Michael told him. “Yeah, it always was. The Cuff is no Babylon that’s for sure.” “Brian are you going to visit your parents while you’re here?” Debbie asked. “I’m sure your mother would want to see you.” “Hell will freeze over before I go there Deb.” Brian looked at her. “I told you I’d never go back and I meant it.” “But she’s your mother.” “Maybe you should have mentioned that to her a few years ago.” Brian turned to Michael. “Say Mikey let’s go up to your room. We’ve got some catching up to do.” When Brian returned to La Cinquième Lune at the end of the week, he knew right away that Justin had been there when he was in Pittsburgh. At first he tried to deny it, but there was evidence here and there that he’d been in the house and it pissed Brian off more than he thought possible. To: behind5thmoon@uniserve.com From: bakinney@hotmail.com Subject: betrayal and sneaks Justin – I am so pissed with you I can hardly type this. I can’t believe you sent me away so that you could come back to La Cinquième Lune. Why didn’t you just ask, I would have stayed at the dorm if you didn’t want to see me. I thought we were building some kind of relationship, weird as it was. I guess I was wrong. I guess what you wrote to me at Christmas was just a bunch of bullshit. Well you can have La Cinquième Lune all to yourself. I’m sending the jeep and the keys to Daphne. She's your best friend let her deal with it. I hope you took the time to change that Power of Attorney into Daphne’s name. She might need it. Brian.