“What If…” 
Brian had said the 'words' in episode 219 


Notes: Happy Birthday Susan – knowing you brings joy and sunshine my way. 

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


Brian stood there the words Justin had said repeating over and over in his mind. "Justin" he began. "He says he loves you, but is it really love or is it nineteen year old lust." He paused to get his voice under control. "You haven't known him long enough." 


He walked over to Justin and gripped his shoulders forcing Justin to look into his eyes. "It took me a long time to understand my feelings for you. To know that they were real and not something that was only cock chemistry. We're queer and our cocks rule our lives. But what I feel for you." Brian's hand left Justin's shoulder, he tenderly traced his cheek with his thumb, what he felt for Justin clearly showing in his eyes. 


Justin stood still, his heart beating rapidly, his blue eyes filling with emotional tears. He bit his lip, he didn't want to cry. He saw the pain in Brian's eyes and a pain shot through his heart. He'd done this, he'd hurt the man he loved more than anything else in the world. Something he'd sworn he'd never do. 


"Justin," Brian's voice broke "This thing you're doing, this Ethan, its killing me." This time he had to look away, to try and control his tears. "I've never told you that I love you because I don't really understand it and I'm afraid." 


Justin moved closer, he let his hands grip Brian's waist while he waited hoping to hear the words he'd wanted to hear since their first night together when Brian whispered those three little words when he came. 


"I felt something linking us together from the first night I saw you standing under the light in front of Babylon. I fought hard against it, and I lost. I knew I lost the night of the Prom. And I was too much of a fucking coward to say it to your face." He tried to turn away, but now Justin had him tight. "This thing with Ethan is my own 
damn fault." He looked at Justin again. "I love you Justin Taylor, with my entire soul. I love you now and I'll love you tomorrow. I won't beg, but I want you to know that I need you in my life. I need to have you to come home to. I need you in my bed and in my arms. Not want, but need." 


They stood there, one tall auburn haired man, head bowed, his heart bared for the first time in his life, one shorter, blonde haired man, his heart open to receive the heart of the man he loved. Justin reached up and tilted Brian's chin so that he was once again looking into the pain filled hazel eyes. "Brian," Justin said, his voice soft. "There is one thing that Ethan will never have and that's my heart. I love you, I have for a long time. I make love with you, I want to stay with you as your partner. I fucked Ethan, that's all it was, all it ever will be. You have to know and understand that." He kissed Brian's lips, his tongue tentatively moving between the soft swollen lips of his partner. 


Brian gripped the back of Justin's head with his hand allowing his mouth to devour the mouth of the man he loved. Around and around they went, their passion building until finally they fell to the floor, not wanting to take the time to move to the bedroom. Their clothes were only partially removed before the both gave in to passion and consummated the new beginnings to their relationship. A relationship where words were sometimes necessary and needed and they both knew it.