"What If. . ." 
Brian allowed Ted to be unplugged 


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Justin walked the cold Pittsburg streets looking for Brian. He’d walked miles today. He’d tried all his usual haunts but Brian was nowhere to be found. His face was wind burned and his feet hurt. But something told him that Brian needed him. It wasn’t anything that you could put your finger on. It was just a feeling. 


He’d talked to Daphne about it and she agreed that he should try and find his elusive boyfriend. He always referred to Brian as his boyfriend to Daphne. He knew better than to do so to any of the gang and certainly not to Brian who didn’t ‘do’ boyfriends and for that matter would barely acknowledge him most of the time. 


Being seventeen and in love with an older man sometimes sucked. But when Brian’s hazel eyes found his, when his fingers traced soft lines on his bare skin or his lips began their passionate assault on his, why then every word of sarcasm, every hurtful moment when Brian walked into the backroom at Babylon, everything was forgotten except the moment in time when they were together. 


Everyone thought Brian was a heartless bastard even more so now that Ted was lying in a coma in the hospital. They all figured Brian would be able to handle the decision to take Ted off life-support because he had no feelings. Justin knew how untrue this was. Brian was a loving and caring man. He was also a private man and he didn’t let anyone get close enough to him very often to find out just how much he cared. 


Even Michael and Lindsey who both though they knew the real Brian Kinney had no idea of what the ‘real’ Brian Kinney was all about. Smoke and mirrors, smoke and mirrors that was Brian. 


Justin continued to walk, he had to find Brian. He couldn’t let him deal with this by himself and he knew Brian would never ask for help. He was almost at the bus stop by the park when he though he caught a glimpse of the black jeep parked deep in the parking lot close to the river. From this distance he couldn’t tell for sure, but by now he was pulling at straws. Loving someone was far more painful than he had ever thought about. You not only had yourself to worry about but someone else as well. He wondered why his mother had never told him just how much it would hurt you when the one you loved hurt. It was worse than anything he figured because you had to take the pain but you couldn’t do anything about it. 


He was almost at the jeep. He could see that it was running, the inside was fogged up probably from a thousand cigarettes that Brian was smoking. He hoped it would be warm. He could make out Brian sitting stiffly inside, a small glow from a cigarette moved. Justin went to the passenger side and opened the door. Brian looked at him but said nothing. He did roll down his window and threw out the cigarette, he let the window stay open until the air cleared of smoke. 


Justin thought, that’s Brian, he knows how much the trapped smoke would bother him and he automatically clears the air when I get in. 


The two of them sit in silence only the purr of the motor making any noise. Justin’s red face gradually begins to unthaw and he can feel the prickly itch of his circulation returning. For some reason there is no need for either of them to speak. Justin knows why Brian is here and Brian knows why Justin is with him. 


Justin hears Brian sigh, it was almost a sob and his heart cracks with the pain Brian is feeling. He reaches out and takes Brian’s hand and Brian twines his fingers with Justin holding his hand tightly like a life line. 


And they sit both of them lost in their thoughts. Justin feels a shudder roll through Brian’s body and he instinctively moves. He sits up and puts himself across the front of Brian so his back leans against the steering wheel and he pulls Brian’s head to his chest. Brian wraps his arms around Justin and begins to shudder with emotion. Justin can feel the wetness of his tears each one eating like acid into his skin. He could kill Ted right now for doing this to the man he loves. 


It seems like hours but it was probably only minutes until Brian was able to get himself under control. Justin reached into his pocket handing him some tissues. They still haven’t spoken. Justin moves back into the passenger seat while Brian starts the jeep. 


They drive to the hospital in silence but every opportunity Brian has he clutches Justin’s hand. He seems to need it to keep him grounded. 


Together they walk in and up to the ward where Ted lays in his private room alone except for his mother. The nurse only has to look at Brian and she knows, she’s been in the business long enough. She hands him a clipboard with an official document on it and indicates where Brian is to sign. He looks at Justin, terror in his eyes. Justin steps forward and wraps an arm around Brian’s waist and Brian signs his name. His knees begin to buckle as the pen leaves the page. He’s thankful Justin is holding him up. 


They walk to the window and look in on Ted, his mother silent beside him, she looks up and meets their eyes. Her face flushes with pain as she realizes what Brian has done. She bends and kisses her son then sits back looking at Brian and Justin defiance in her eyes. No one will be coming near him tonight is clearly being shouted over and over in the stubborn set of her shoulders, the possessive hand on his arm. 


Justin tightens his grip on Brian’s hand giving him strength as they make their way down the hall and into the elevator. 


Hours later Justin calls the hospital. He turns to the silent man beside him who has sat with his inner pain the rest of the night and all that morning. The man who only relaxed if Justin was close by. Justin told him that Ted had the life support removed but was breathing on his own, still unconscious, but alive. 


His reward for these few words was the light returning to Brian’s eyes. They agreed to meet later. Brian was going to the hospital to see for himself. 


When Brian walked into Debbie's later that day and ended up in Michael’s old room with Justin. Everyone thought he was his usual heartless self. Using sex as a recreational sport. But Justin knew, because he knows the real Brian Kinney. He knows the man behind the mask and he loves him.