What Did You Do on Your Christmas Vacation? 

for Jeff H. 

Coming home was supposed to be somewhat of a rite of passage. Or at least that’s what Gary had always believed. He’d grown up living in the same small town in northern British Columbia, in the same house and for that matter in the same room. 

Nothing much ever changed. At least on the surface nothing much changed. Gary, or Gari as he preferred to have his name spelled these days, drove down the snow covered streets in a car he’d borrowed for the visit home. After all, he couldn’t come back for the first time from Vancouver on the bus. And no one had to know that the car was borrowed from a friend. He hadn’t kept in contact with anyone other than his parents since he’d left and that’s the way he liked it.

Vancouver, well Vancouver had opened his eyes to a life he had only imagined. Actually he hadn’t imagined it. I mean how could he? It was so far from his life in Dawson Creek both in distance and in environment that it could have been the moon as far as he was concerned. And now, despite having been away for almost three years, he’d succumbed to his parent’s pleas for him to come and spend Christmas. 

Gari had pretty much used up every excuse at least twice for why he’d never come back. His excuses of course had no basis in reality, but only he knew that. I mean the first Christmas there was Jack, a boy from another small town. The two of them had met wandering Davie Street. It was probably the three hour long coffee’s sitting at the sidewalk tables in front of a Starbuck’s that had given them away as hick interlopers to the gay, and I don’t mean ‘happy’ life of Davie Street. It wasn’t long before the two of them had banded together to take Davie and Denman by storm.

Apparently blond haired twinks who were more than a little naïve were a hot commodity and they were welcomed into the life with open arms by a few of the men who cruised rain or shine in the early evenings.

Luck was with the two of them and they hadn’t gotten into too much trouble. They pooled their resources and shared a bachelor apartment only a block from Davie. Gari’s mom provided money for a telephone and Jack’s mother sent money to have cable internet hooked up. After all they needed the internet to continue their University courses they were taking on line. Or at least that’s the story they used when in actual fact it was amazing the number of chat rooms that were filled with interesting guys who lived in and around the large city.

The second Christmas he was in love for probably the seventh time since he’d arrived in Vancouver. That was Chad. Chad lasted through the rainy December, but when he found him ass up on the patio after work and the chef’s pants around his ankles, his dick, that more than resembled the salami he was so fond of, buried in Chad’s ass. That ended his seventh bout of ‘true’ love. 

Gari decided then and there he was going to give up on boys and remain celibate for the rest of his life. Love sucked big time and not in a positive way. 

So to keep visions of Chad at bay not to mention all the hotties that seemed to appear out of no where as soon as he’d taken his not so silent vow of celibacy, he’d shouted it out at the top of his lungs from the apartment balcony. Much to the laughter and derision of the other apartment dwellers who had their windows open that night. Anyway, Gari relented when his mother began her annual campaign to have him home for Christmas. 

I mean how bad could it be he wondered. There was the sixteen hour drive through the mountain passes in the dead of winter. That would provide some form of diversion from his by now, horny to the point of imploding, body. 

Suicidal deer, elk and moose would keep him alert. His friend would kill him if he nailed one with the guy’s vintage mustang. 

And he could load the car down with all of the things he’d left behind. It would be at least three years before he would relent and visit again. Oh did I mention that Gari’s mother also kept harping on ‘when was he going to find a nice girl and settle down’. Apparently Gari had neglected to clue her in a few aspects of his life.

She thought it was lovely that he made so many new friends, but couldn’t he find at least one girl in the city of Vancouver. No mom, he couldn’t, there weren’t any. It was a city filled to overflowing with the hottest guys in Canada. Well at least Davie and Denman and the Sea Wall, and Stanley Park and of course Ikea. It was amazing what or who you could pick up at Ikea. I mean have you seen a Swede lately? Tall, muscles rippling in all the right places, blond and with amazing stamina, hell, Ikea was his new favorite Sunday afternoon hang out. He always returned to his small apartment well worked over and refreshed enough to start another week. Well that was BEFORE his balcony epiphany. 

Now he avoided Ikea like the plague and refused to walk on the Sea Wall. He had no choice but to walk from his apartment down Davie, after all he was a waiter at the Macaroni Grill so it was unavoidable. But he walked fast and avoided eye contact with anyone, preferring the rear views anyway. At least they couldn’t break his heart watching from the rear. 

So three days before December 25th, Gari found himself driving down a snow covered street and cursing the fact that he’d ever agreed to come home. His head was pounding from the never ending changes in altitude as he drove up and down through the mountains. Sea level was much nicer. He thought of the winter rain that was no doubt falling in Vancouver and sighed. Here the fucking rain appeared as heavy white snow flakes that grew and grew and grew until it was like driving thought thick white molasses. Then add the joy of hidden ice patches. To top it all off, his sinuses were killing him and the long drive had given him more than enough quiet time to work his way through his entire list of fantasies even adding one or two more to bring out when he wasn’t afraid of freezing his dick off. Or sliding down a three hundred foot embankment never to be found until spring.

His old home was just outside of Dawson Creek. Of course it was on the far side. It couldn’t be on the side closest to the highway. He could barely make out the road. The snow that was falling was blowing wildly in small whirlwinds in front of his headlights. Gari almost shouted with relief when he saw the lit windows of his former home. Maybe it would be five years before he came back and then only in the summer, or maybe the fall. Or better yet, he could invite his parents to Vancouver and never go back again. 

Turning into his driveway, Gari noticed a black Hummer parked by the barn. Surely his father hadn’t gone nuts in his old age and bought a Hummer. The porch light flew on and his mother rushed outside into the snow screaming his name. 

A flash of guilt blew through Gari, but he dismissed it quickly, grabbed his bag and waded through the snow toward his mother. The mysterious Hummer was forgotten in the next two hours of too much food; too hot a house, and everyone talking at once. The house filled up with neighbors who arrived bearing food. Gari sat back in a corner being force fed things he hadn’t eaten in years and hoped to not eat for many more years. 

The smell of too many bodies anointed with cheap perfume mixed with the smell of cigarettes as one after another slipped out tothe porch to smoke, was making Gari’s head pound. Maybe it was the bacon and onion layered perogies or the garlic saturated moose balls. A delicacy of Mrs. Smythes who lived two doors down, whatever it was, Gari was more than ready to slip up the stairs to his attic bedroom. He wondered if his mother had left his stuff in there. Or had it become a sewing room like so many of his friend’s old bedrooms.

“But Gari, your cousin Joseph hasn’t come yet.” His mother protested when he tried to make his way up the stairs and away from the revelry in the living room and kitchen. 

“I don’t HAVE a cousin Joseph,” Gari pointed out to his mother. 

“Well, I suppose he isn’t really a cousin in the true sense of the word. But he’s your Aunt Betty’s son.” Betty was her childhood friend who had moved away fifteen years earlier 

“Well, I can wait to meet him another time.” Gari turned and started up the stairs again.

“He was supposed to be here.” She looked around to make sure no one could hear her and then leaned in whispering. “He’s gay you know”

“Pardon me?” Gari startled, looked at his mother like she’d grown a second head.

“He’s gay. His mother told me. That’s why she was so happy he was coming up here for the holidays. Maybe he would forget about that kind of thing.”

“Uh, Mom, you don’t just forget you’re gay. You either are or you aren’t.” Gari was definitely not in the right frame of mind to give his mother instructions on how to recognize whether your son is gay or not. He suppressed the urge to burst into a Cher song or tap dance out one of Bette Midler’s acts. He pinched the bridge of his nose, his head was killing him.

“Well, it’s not like I really know first hand.” She tittered and looked around. “The point is, Joseph is going to spend the night here and maybe even longer. It will be good for him.”

“You’re running a half way house for confused gay boys now?” Gari laughed. “Mom next thing you’ll be telling me is that you’re organizing a PFLAG chapter here in Dawson Creek.” 

“PFLAG?” she asked. “Really Gari, I don’t understand you these days.”

“I need to sleep off this headache.” Gari reached over and kissed his mother’s cheek. “I’ll be nice to cousin Joe.”

“His name is Joseph dear. Betty and I thought that maybe you could talk to him. He’s considering moving down to the city. But his whole life is up here. We just don’t understand why he’d want to leave.”

“Mom, trust me, this isn’t a gay boy Mecca. I mean I’ve never heard of any gay bars here or dance clubs.” Gari laughed at the idea of all the Dawson Creek gay boys gathering around for a beer in their red flannel Mac jackets under a moose head mounted over the bar. 

“Well you haven’t been here for three years. I’m sure things have changed.” She pursed her lips. 

Gari laughed out loud. “Not that much Mom.” He held back a rather girlish giggle that threatened to escape. “I’ll see you in the morning. My room isn’t a sewing room or anything is it?”

“It’s just the way you left it.” She smiled. “Though I wouldn’t mind if you’d sort through some of those old toys. I’m sure some other little boy could use them. You never even took the GI Joe’s out of their packages.”

“Sure I did” he lied. “They’re worth more with the original packaging.” He thought of the three Strawberry Shortcake dolls hidden in the back of his closet. It had taken him weeks of saving his allowance to buy them. He loved how they smelled and wondered if they still had the ability to arouse his cock. He got hard just thinking about strawberries. He used to spend hours playing with her and her berry friends, Blueberry and Orange Blossom. He smiled to himself, no original packaging there. Last Christmas Chad had bought him a pair of Strawberry Shortcake pajamas. It was a hot, hot Christmas morning under their small tree.

“Go to bed dear. When Joe comes in, I’m sure he’ll be quiet.”

“Like this matters?” Gari asked.

“He’s sharing your room.” 

“WHAT?” Gari had almost reached the top of the stairs. He turned around and headed back down. “Mom, I can’t believe you let someone use my old room. It’s private.”

“Gari, you haven’t been home for three years. I use your room as a guest room all the time.” She laughed. “We don’t have many guests, but it is handy to have.”

“Geeze, you might have told me. I’ve got private stuff in there.” He turned around. It had been a long day between driving and now this. 

“Good night dear. There are clean towels in your bathroom.” 

“I’m going to sleep late, don’t make breakfast.” Gari grinned down at her. He had always slept late. Well he’d stayed in bed late, sleeping wasn’t what he was doing. After all he had a nice hard toy to play with each morning.

Gari walked into his room under the eaves. He looked around taking in everything. His mother was right; it hadn’t really changed since he’d left. Well except for the duffel bag at the end of the other twin bed. The one he used for the rare sleepovers he’d host. It must belong to the mysterious ‘gay’ cousin Joe, pardon me, Joseph. He hoped the loser fag, cause he must be a loser if he was still in Dawson Creek, he hoped he wasn’t too fugly to look at for the next few days. Gari was, if nothing else vain and cocky as only a good looking blond almost twink could be. Though he was losing his twink status quickly as time moved forward. 

Shower time, he stripped off glancing at the line up of GI Joes on the shelf by his bed. He looked closer. They were a lot hotter looking than he remembered them. Not noticing the cold attic air, Gari took down one of the Joes. He carefully stripped back the cardboard packaging and stared into the chiseled good looks. Hmm, this guy had green eyes. Green eyed guys turned him on. He looked around not sure why, and then quickly removed the Joe’s shirt. Hmmm, not bad pecs. His finger traced the plastic muscles and then moved lower. In seconds Joe’s pants were off. Disappointed at the bulge of smooth plastic, Gari tossed the toy onto the end of his bed. Now he felt the cold as his balls retreated inside faster than he could say ‘it’s fucking cold up here.’ Apparently GI Joe also suffered from the cold attic atmosphere. Gari giggled and grabbed a towel on his way to a hot shower.

He could feel the exhaustion of the drive in his bones but the scent of his shower gel, something new he’d picked up in a small shop on Denman, seemed to revitalize him. Which of course wasn’t what he wanted. He needed to get some sleep. His aching head told him that. Not bothering with his usual shower release, Gari dried off and then looked into the medicine cabinet to see if there was still his bottle of Nyquil. Poking into the depths he discovered it. Crusty from disuse and slightly thickened with three years of evaporation, Gari figured it would still work. The expiration date may mean it was not as strong, so he’d take a little bit extra. It wouldn’t hurt as far as Gari was concerned.

The thought of opening his suitcase to find a pair of pajama bottoms was too much. He’d sleep raw like he did in Vancouver. He hoped his mother had thought to put flannel sheets on the bed. He looked down at his shrunken cock and his almost non existent balls when he got into the narrow single bed. It was fucking cold up here, he was sure he could see his breath it was so cold. He glanced at naked GI Joe, his pants around his ankles at the bottom of the bed and considered redressing the poor bugger, but couldn’t be bothered. GI Joe would have to toughen up his small plastic body. After all he was a marine, they were supposed to be tough or so Gari had heard. He shut off his light and closed his eyes, visualizing one of the marines he’d seen on Pridevision’s late night porn show. Now that guy could show old GI Joe a thing or two about six packs and pecs. Smiling Gari let the medication he’d taken lull him into a slightly drugged sleep.

At first when Gari woke up, he wasn’t sure where he was or what he was hearing. His eyes were puffy with his drugged sleep and he opened them enough to slightly focus on the end of his bed. Fuck, GI Joe was there and he was still naked. Only, only he was life sized. Note to self, he thought; don’t take drugs that have expired. The room was dark and filled with shadows. The only light came from the filtered moonlight that managed to show through his mother’s lace curtains. But clearly standing at the end of Gari’s bed was GI Joe flexing his arms before falling to the floor in a fluid motion and pulling off two dozen push ups using only his finger tips. New appreciation for a marine’s body, flooded through Gari and his cock filled with blood in a rock hard erection, his balls loose and full, warm from the flannel his mother had remembered to put on his bed. 

While Joe was effortlessly doing the push ups, Gari was carefully and silently moving to view this spectacle, one hand on his dick. I mean if you’re going to hallucinate, you might as well make it worth while. 

He must have made a noise, because green eyes locked on his. No words were exchanged. It wasn’t as if Gari could speak. He was torn between being scared at his toy coming to life and intrigued by the fact that GI Joe was hung like he’d only imagined. Gari was a size queen, and this was more than his biggest conquest. He wondered if he could measure it and then thought that maybe it wasn’t the thing to suggest to a toy come to life. There had to be some kind of rules involved, though it was HIS toy.

Apparently GI Joe was a club member, because his cock stiffened and Gari could clearly see a drop of precum bead at the slit. This was one awesome hallucination. Or could it be considered a fantasy? Maybe a hallucination now and in the future, when he didn’t have Nyquil to rely on, it would be a fantasy. That’s what it would be he decided. Satisfied with his decision, Gari, emboldened, pulled back his blankets silently inviting GI Joe to join him in the rapidly diminishing warmth.

Before his cock could react to the cold, a hot body had slid beneath the covers. Warm lips covered his and he let his mouth be ravaged by a passionate kiss. Oddly enough GI Joe tasted like Colgate toothpaste as his tongue probed and wrestled with Gari’s. Interesting taste Gari thought before giving in to the feelings the passion filled kisses were releasing.

Joe began to trail his kisses down Gari’s body, stopping to suckle not so gently on each nipple. Taking playful bites, soothed by a warm wet tongue and Gari smothered a groan, not wanting his mother to think he was having some kind of fit. This was his best hallucination ever. Better than when he’d mixed LSD with the weed he’d grown out back when he was sixteen.

Not wanting to be a passive almost twink, Gari began to enter into the full magnitude of the seduction. He could show this piece of old plastic some of the tricks he’d picked up in the big city. No pun intended. He moved out of the grasp of Joe and forced the marine onto his back. 

Not that Joe needed to be forced, he rather enjoyed the fact that this blond hottie was willing to play. He bit back a grin as the smaller man’s tongue began its descent lower and lower. He stiffened when a rush of heat flooded his body as the young man buried his nose in his pubic bush and breathed deeply. He hadn’t trimmed in forever. It wasn’t necessary when you rarely had any encounters up here in bum fuck nowhere. He smiled at the groan of pleasure that Gari involuntarily released. He liked the musky scent of a man’s balls himself and could appreciate what Gari was feeling now. 

Now it was his turn to smother a groan to an acceptable level as Gari laved his full sac and then took one and then the other ball into his mouth as he studiously worshiped at the base of Joe’s hard dick. 

Now it was Joe’s turn, he moved as sinuously as a cat and before Gari realized what was happening he was on his belly, fingers spreading his ass cheeks, his hole assaulted by Joe’s probing tongue. Gari yelped and then giggled, burying his face in the pillow and hoping his parent’s hadn’t heard him. Joe slapped his ass playfully adding some sting to his otherwise sweet plundering and Gari wiggled his ass. This was fun. Oops, he hadn’t brought any condoms let alone lube. I mean why would he even begin to think he’d be fucked at his mother’s house at Christmas.

Reading his mind, Joe reached over and produced the necessities from the drawer of the nightstand. Gari wondered if it was something he’d left behind and if there was a ‘best before’ date on either product. The familiar snick of a condom package as it was ripped open, only stiffened his desire to be fucked. Not the wisest decision he thought, but this was only a hallucination, albeit a rather strenuous one complete with sound affects, scents and very, very good sex. He wondered if Mattel had included condoms and lube with all GI Joes. Maybe he should have opened the damn packages before this. GI Joe was waaaaay better than Strawberry Shortcake and her buddies. 

Gari was flipped on his back, his legs moved to GI Joe’s shoulders. Green eyes met blue and they grinned at one another. Sex was not only exciting, it was fun and they both appreciated the fact. Joe snicked open the tube of lube, he offered some to Gari who accepted and spread it over the latex covered cock. Once again he sent a prayer of thanks to the powers that be at Mattel who had built Joe so amply.

Gari’s tried to hold the green eyed gaze of his fantasy but with the insertion of one and then two fingers, stretching him, he had to shut his eyes as he gave into the familiar pleasure/pain that he loved so much. But when he felt that hard/soft latex covered mushroom head begin it’s slow but determined push, he had to open his eyes, this was too good to miss. Because every good bottom knew that it was them that determined how much the top would enjoy the ride. And Gari wanted Joe’s little plastic mind to be permanently melted with pleasure. It was the least he could do to make up for all those years of neglect.

The rhythmic rock that pushed each of them toward orgasm was orchestrated like a slow waltz. Ever mindful of the squeaks and groans from his childhood bed., Gari used his muscles to squeeze and release with each thrust and he grinned when Joe’s eyes began to roll back as wave after wave of pleasure hit the marine. Realizing that they were both close to coming, Gari reached up and cupped the back of the closely clipped head of his childhood nemesis pulling his mouth close enough so that with a little effort on his part, and the suppleness of the young, he could show his fantasy just how a kiss could taste. 

The added pressure on his cock as it was held between both their bellies was all that was needed to set both men into riding out the wave after wave of orgasmic pleasure. Joe smothered his ecstasy with Gari’s lips on his. Finally collapsing on top of the smaller man both of them hot, sweaty and slick with cum. Gari giggled once and then twice. Joe looked at him curiously. It wasn’t the reaction his tricks usually had. Though Gari somehow seemed more than a trick. He was even more surprised when he realized that the kid was actually asleep. 

Joe shook his head and slowly withdrew. He removed the condom, tying it off and then depositing it on the floor. He’d get it in the morning. He contemplated getting up and finding a cloth to clean them both up. It was even colder in the room now than it had been when he’d come up to bed. He’d only stay with the kid for a few minutes he figured and laid his head on the single pillow, holding Gari’s body close. It was a single bed after all. 

It was almost noon when Gari’s mother placed a call to her friend Betty. “Hi there.” She began.

“Did it work?” her friend asked.

“It certainly did. They went at it like bunnies in heat. Last night and then twice more this morning.” She laughed. “Your plan worked. I’m sure Joe will be much happier now that Gari and he have met. And I’ll feel better about Gari being in Vancouver.”

“Maybe you can suggest that they get a place together.” Her friend laughed. “Something with two bedrooms, I do love to shop in the city.”

“So do I.” Gari’s mother laughed. The bed began to squeak faintly from above. Gari’s father rolled his eyes, folded his paper and stood up from the table where he’d been drinking coffee and reading. 

“I’m going out to shovel some snow.” He mumbled. He kissed his wife’s cheek. “Don’t talk too long. It’s long distance you know.’ 

the end