The Road To Now – 3 “Daddy, Daddy, DDDAAAADDDDY.” JB pushed her face close to Justin’s and Brian’s. “Kissing that long is GROSSSSSSSS.” She punched Justin on the arm. “Stop it this minute.” “Do you hear something?” Brian asked. “Just an annoying Jelly Bean.” Justin answered, reluctantly pulling away from Brian and glaring at his daughter. “JB, we’ve had this discussion before. You don’t interrupt.” “You said not to interrupt when adults are talking. You were kissing, that’s different.” “She has a point there dear.” Jennifer smiled. “JB, why don’t you take me out to the garden. We can check on your tree house and see if it’s suitable for Gus to visit. He’s a rather tall little boy. He might not fit.” “Brian says Gus doesn’t have a dog called Jim. Could we get him one?” “Nice try JB, but that would be a no.” Justin grinned. He was now sitting on the arm of Brian’s chair, his body draped around the taller man. “Not only are you allergic to dogs, but we have guests here who could also be allergic.” “But daaaaaaddddddddyyyyyy.” She whined. “Come along JB, you know you won’t win this argument.” Jennifer took the little girl’s hand and then turned to Brian and Justin. “Please talk boys, none of this keeping things to yourself.” “Yes mom” they chorused. Then Jennifer and JB disappeared through the door and it was firmly closed behind them. Neither Brian nor Justin wanted to begin talking. Instead Justin continued to lean on Brian, his cheek resting on top of Brian’s head. “We should talk.” Brian said finally. “But not right now. I need my pain meds. I can’t think straight right now.” “I’m sorry.” Justin jumped up. “Did you want to go back to bed?” “No, just get me something to drink. I have my meds with me. And this fancy assed chair is rather comfortable.” Brian hated that Justin had moved away, but he really did need something for the pain. “Nice lunch by the way. I know you had something to do with it. I was reminded of when we lived together; you always were trying to feed me chocolate.” “It’s supposed to be an aphrodisiac.” Justin said, returning with a bottle of Evian. “Like I need one.” Brian smirked, reaching for the bottle. Their fingers touched and their eyes met. “Your blue eyes were enough of an aphrodisiac for me.” Romantic words softly spoken hung in the air. Brian twisted open the top of the Evian, quickly swallowing two pills. He closed his eyes and sighed. “This fucking leg is killing me.” “How did you do it?” Justin asked. “It’s not like you to be clumsy.” “You’ll laugh.” “I won’t laugh.” “I haven’t even told your mother.” “I promise I won’t laugh.” “I fell out of a tree.” “You were in a tree?” Justin’s eyes were wide, not that Brian could see. “I had to. It was the only way I could get the fucking cat.” Brian sighed. “The cat?” Justin bit the inside of his lip so he wouldn’t laugh. “I was driving and looking for an address. I hit a garbage can that had a cat in it. The cat ran up a fucking tree, the lady who owned the cat was having a hysterics, so I climbed up to pull the stupid fucking cat down, only it went higher, so I went higher, it went higher still and then just when I was going to say fuck it, the damn thing ran over my head, down my back and jumped to the ground. But it startled me, I lost my grip and landed on the ground on top of the thing. Broke my leg is three places and killed the cat. The lady is suing me. I’m going to counter sue, it was her cat that broke my leg.” Brian’s words had begun to slur as his pain meds took hold. “And Sunshine if you repeat one word of that story I’ll personally…” Brian’s voice drifted off as he fell asleep. Justin couldn’t stop grinning. His finger’s itched to draw the scene Brian had painted with words. He moved the table away from Brian’s chair, found a blanket and covered him up, before kissing him gently on the forehead and tip toeing out the door. Jennifer and JB found Justin in his studio. It had been more than an hour since he’d left Brian and his fingers had flown over the canvas, sketching Brian in a tree, saving a cat. With each stroke, Justin snickered, enjoying the scene that was being revealed with his talent. “Daddy.” JB bounced into the studio. “Nanny and me went for a long walk.” She looked at what Justin had prepared for painting. “Hey, that’s Brian in a tree.” She giggled. “You could put it in a JB and the Angels book.” “Yes I could.” Justin smiled. “And I might just do that.” “So you aren’t angry with me?” Jennifer asked, kissing her son’s cheek. “You know I can’t stay pissed with you. Especially where Brian is concerned. But don’t start buying your mother of the bride dress. Nothing has changed as far as Brian and I. We never said we didn’t love each other. We just never agreed about the scope of that love. I want an old fashioned kind of life and Brian, well he’s more the man about town.” “Perhaps he isn’t. It has been more than four years Justin, a lot can happen in four years. You only have to look at yourself to know that truth.” Jennifer looked around. “Now where in the world did JB disappear?” “She won’t be far.” Justin replied. “I’m glad you’re here tonight. And JB was telling me you’re bringing Gus on the weekend.” “Gus spends every weekend with Brian. He has for years. He’ll think of this as a great adventure I’m sure.” “I don’t want you getting too run down. All of this driving back and forth to Pittsburgh has to be hard on you.” “You can come with me.” She replied, knowing it wasn’t likely. He’d never been back to Pittsburgh since the day he’d left. “I’ll pass.” He sighed. “I’m not sure I’m ready to go there.” “Justin, it isn’t like it’s some kind of hell mouth.” She shook her head. “Never mind. I’m going to be leaving early on Friday because it’s a half day for Gus from school. Actually Gus has the next week off. I don’t suppose you’d consider letting him stay for the week.” “Mom, I’m not some kind of a monster. Of course he can stay for the week. That was the biggest regret of leaving like I did, the fact that I no longer had Gus in my life. I’ve kept in touch with Lindsay, but it really isn’t the same.” “Then let Brian know. He needs to know you don’t mind his son being here.” “Oh for fu..” Justin shook his head, heading for the studio door. “Mom, don’t start. Brian and I have never had a problem about Gus.” “I’m just saying that maybe he needs to know you have a spot in your life for Gus.” Justin glared at his mother before leaving the room. He contemplated going down to Brian’s room but changed his mind at the last minute. Instead he headed for the bathroom near his bedroom. Striping off his clothes, he started the shower. Justin did his best thinking locked in his steam filled shower that he’d had built to reflect Brian’s taste. It was comforting somehow to remember showers in days gone by, wrapped in Brian’s arms. He loved how Brian would lean back; his eyes closed, to allow Justin to wash his hair, massaging the shampoo into his scalp, Brian humming with almost orgasmic pleasure. How they slowly, with sensuous touches, washed every inch of each other, memorizing with their finger tips so that Justin was sure that if he were to go blind today, he’d still be able to pick Brian out by passing his fingers over the other man’s chest. How like children they would play with each other’s cock and balls, making sure all the wrinkles and folds were squeaky clean, tasting, touching, sucking and always, always laughing at the silliness of their body parts when they were worshiped like the phalluses of gods. Stroking his now engorged cock, his fingers firm, holding himself tight as he used his soap as lubricant., Justin shut his eyes, Brian’s familiar face, looking no different than it had more than four years ago, firmly in his mind. He stroked himself looking deep into green eyes flecked with gold, reading the love he saw reflected from his own eyes. It was a favorite fantasy, looking deep into Brian’s soul. As his orgasm washed over him in waves of knee weakening convulsions, Justin did as he always did, cried out Brian’s name between lips clenched tight to muffle the name that had become a midnight mantra. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Brian slowly opened his eyes. It took a few seconds to remember where he was and why he was sitting in a chair, well lying in a chair. He smiled to himself as he thought of Justin’s sweet kiss before closing his eyes again. “Hi.” Brian didn’t have to open his eyes this time to know who was talking to him. “Hey JB.” “Are you still sleeping?” she whispered loudly. “Cause if you’re still sleeping I’ll go away. But I really don’t want to go away.” “I’m not sleeping.” Brian answered, though he kept his eyes closed. He was in that happy place where the drugs in his system still lingered and his mind continued to be filled with pleasant memories of Justin. “You have your eyes shut.” JB climbed on his chair, careful of his leg and snuggled into the crook of Brian’s arm. His other arm pulled the blanket that had slipped down, over the two of them. “I used to do that when I was in the hospital. The nurse would give me something to make it stop hurting. If I kept my eyes shut after I woke up, it was almost like it wasn’t hurting anymore.” She sighed and snuggled closer. “You are a very good snuggler.” Brian smiled, but kept his eyes shut. “Did your daddy write a book about when you were in the hospital?” he asked. “He wrote lots and lots of books. JB and the Angels is like a continuing story. He even wrote a book about when I was in mommy’s tummy and I only had Tommy Angel looking down and keeping me safe. He did a very good job you know. Daddy said it was my daddy, Tommy Angel, that made sure I lived to be born like my mommy wanted. He said he watched over me when I had my first surgery. I was very, very tiny and didn’t have hardly any hair. Daddy said it was just sort of red dragon fluff. He said he knew I was a fighter.” She smiled. “I don’t remember when I was just born. That’s why daddy put it in a book. Daddy said that mommy was so happy to see me that she wanted to tell daddy, who is Tommy Angel. She forgot that if she went to be an Angel she couldn’t come back and be a mommy. So her heart died on earth, but she still has it in Heaven.” JB sighed. “Your daddy has a way with words.” “He’s a nice daddy.” She agreed. “Is your daddy an Angel too. Nanny said he died a long time ago.” “No, he’s in bowling alley Hell.” Brian snickered. “What’s that?” “Oh, a special place for guys like my father. I like to think he’s a ten pin for all eternity.” “Oh, kind of the way people think thunder is Angels bowling.” She giggled. “That’s silly.” “Oh, I like to think Angels love to bowl. Hell, I mean heck, I like to bowl. I mean they have to do something beside watch over little red headed girls. I mean you do sleep occasionally.” He grinned to himself. “And Angels probably get a lot of strikes.” “I’ve never been bowling. I saw it on TV and in the cartoons.” “When my leg is better I’ll take you. Gus and I go all the time.” “Really and truly?” she asked. “But the balls look very, very big and heavy.” “They are, but Gus and I will show you how to deal with it and someday you’ll be able to lift them up the regular way.” “That’s waaaaaay awesome. I bet my Angels will bowl with me.” She snuggled deeper into the crook of his arm. Half an hour later, Justin walked into Brian’s room and grinned when he saw JB and Brian snuggled in the chair, both of them sleeping. Brian’s quiet wheeze was matched with JB’s soft snuffle. Rather than disturb the two of them, Justin lay on Brian’s bed so that he could watch. He could see that the pain in Brian’s leg was beginning to start up again. He checked the time, it had been almost four hours since the last meds. Unable to stop himself, Justin got up, found some water and the bottle of Brian’s pills taking them over to the chair. He sat down on the arm and smoothed away the wrinkles of pain on Brian’s forehead. “Hey” he whispered when Brian’s breathing told him the other man was awake. “I brought your meds.” Brian smiled a silent thank you as Justin slipped the pills into his mouth and handed him the glass of water. “She sleeps a lot.” He whispered to Justin when he was able to talk. “It’s her heart. She’s doing great and never holds back. But she learned very early the value of resting. She said that’s when her mommy and daddy Angels help her body heal.” “Of course they are.” Brian kissed the top of JB’s head. “Of course they are.” He looked up at Justin. “She is okay now, isn’t she?” Justin nodded and smiled. “She’s as well as she can be, given that she just had another surgery a few weeks ago. It all takes time, this building and repairing of her heart.” “What about a transplant?” Brian asked. “It’s a tough call Brian. There are a lot of risks and the transplants don’t always work. At least this way she has her own heart, that is healing by the way. When it reaches its adult size, she’ll have the final surgery.” “It must fucking kill you when she has to have an operation.” Brian wondered if it was the pain meds that was making his eyes fill with tears. “I know it would me.” “It isn’t easy.” Justin admitted. He leaned in and kissed away a tear that escaped. “I’ll take her and put her to bed.” “No, leave her. She isn’t heavy.” Brian pulled the blanket up again and then brushed a kiss lightly across her red curls. “She’s small like her mother.” “Tell me about her.” “Kaitlyn was full of life. She made friends easily and adored her Tommy. He was a lot like you, always wanting to fix things and make them right. I think heading back to Iraq that last time was probably the hardest thing he’d ever done. He knew he was leaving her with something he couldn’t fix.” Justin sighed. “I knew her less than nine months, but I’ll never forget every minute we were together. She had a way of laughing that demanded you laugh with her.” “You love her.” Brian spoke quietly. “I can hear it in your voice.” “I’ll never stop loving her. Oh, not the way I love you. Nothing compares to that. It wasn’t a physical love; it was more an emotional kind of thing. We were both artists and we shared something in our private lives. Her Tommy was taken from her and my love… well let’s just say that while you were with me, you weren’t with me all the way. It’s complicated Brian, but Kat understood.” “Is that what you thought, that I didn’t love you?” Brian asked, hurt in his voice. “No, I knew you loved me. You didn’t have to tell me in words. But you…” Justin hesitated. “Tell me.” “I wanted something different from what you were willing to offer. You know that if you’re honest with yourself you’ll admit it. Your Mardi Gras trip made it all too clear that we had different ideas of what a committed relationship was all about.” “Justin..” “Don’t Brian.” Justin put his fingers lightly on Brian’s lips. “Don’t say anything. That was us then. Things change, people change. I love you, but then I’ve always loved you. I’ve discovered though that I can live my life without you in it. Something I was never sure I could do. I admit that I wasn’t alone right away after I left. I had Kat in my life right from the first day. And I’ve had JB. But a man to love and share my life with, that I’ve never had since I left.” “Why not?” Brian whispered. “I was waiting for you.” Justin whispered back. “You might have had a long wait.” Brian took Justin’s hand. “I’m Irish, we’re not known for admitting we’re wrong.” “I know.” Justin closed his eyes and leaned his head against Brian’s. “I know.” “Daddy, I was sleeping with Brian.” JB said, rubbing her eyes.” “I see that.” Justin ruffled her hair making her giggle. “Why don’t you hop like a bunny upstairs and see what Nanny is cooking up for dinner.” “Like a black bunny or a white bunny?” JB asked, kissing Brian on the cheek before climbing down from his lap. “I was thinking more like a pink bunny.” Justin laughed. “One with red hair and chocolate eyes.” He reached for her on the way past to give her a kiss. “Later JB” “Later JB’s daddy.” She said with a giggle before hopping to the door. “She’s wonderful.” Brian said. “She leaps right into your heart with no stops or pauses.” “I held her seconds after she was born, before they whisked her into her incubator. She opened her eyes and focused right on mine. I don’t care that everyone insisted she was too young to focus. She looked at me and we bonded.” He smiled, his eyes focused on the past. “It was love at first sight.” “I felt like that when I held Gus.” Brian admitted. “I was there, I remember.” Justin smoothed back Brian’s hair. “Now that the brat is gone, do you want me to get you to the bathroom?” “Kevin can do it.” Brian flushed. He fucking wasn’t having Justin playing nursemaid. It was enough that he was trapped either in this chair or in bed. “Get over yourself Brian.” Justin took the blanket off of him and folded it up. He then pulled a gadget from behind a cushion that was on a ceiling track, efficiently hooking the sling that Brian had been sitting on to the machine. “Hold on, you’re going for a ride. We use this here to give the guest some semblance of independence. You didn’t mind when Kevin moved you in it to the chair. Now we’re going to take you to the bathroom where everything is set up for you to help yourself. Including a hand held shower and plastic drapes for your cast so that you can shower. I put your own shampoo and soap in the shower. I know you have enough upper body strength to maneuver from one spot to another and when you’re ready, I’ll help you drive to the bed.” “Can’t I have dinner first before I go to bed? This chair isn’t too bad.” Brian’s words told Justin he was willing to accept his help. “Certainly.” Justin quickly and efficiently used the swing to get the other man to the bathroom. He showed him how to use the toilet, shower and sink that had been specially designed for just such a need. “Now have fun.” He grinned. “It’s hardly going to be fun, but I have to admit having a shower, even one like this, is going to feel damn good.” “I’m going to give you some privacy, but if you need anything just holler. I’ll be near by, I have a few things to go over with the charge nurse.” Justin gave him a quick kiss before disappearing from sight. Brian stayed where he was for a moment; he felt almost helpless in the sling like contraption. But once he had a chance to analyze it and try a few things, he felt more confident and was impressed with the engineering that had gone into inventing the machine. Being able to access the toilet and sink with some difficulty, but still doable without too much pain was the first hurtle he got over. The shower was something else again. It looked far too complicated, not to mention slippery and dangerous, when combined with the sling. “Hey.” Justin had stepped inside the bathroom. “I wanted to see how you were making out.” “I’m going to have to forget about a shower.” Brian looked gloomy. “I’ll kill myself in there.” “We can’t have that.” Justin grinned and began to take off his clothing. “Let me help you with that.” Brian found himself naked in a few seconds. “You’ve been practicing.” Brian murmured, almost shy in front of Justin. He knew he was too thin. “Only in my mind, you’re my first live one.” Justin grinned as he adjusted the water in the shower before swinging Brian in. He had slipped on a long thin clear plastic bag over the cast, securing it at the top with a piece of tape. “Now I’m going to release the catch of the sling and you’re going to stand on your good leg for a moment. Keep your hand on my shoulder for balance. There, now sit down on this shower chair. I’ll wash your hair. You can wash all the other bits.” “Well, since you offered.” Brian grinned. “And I am an invalid, I’d think you should be able to help me wash everywhere.” “And what are you going to do for me.” Justin teased. “You’ll notice I’m sitting down and you’re standing. You’ll also notice your dick is pointing at me. I’m sure I’ll think of something.” Three quarters of an hour later, Justin was helping Brian dry off and putting a fresh pair of silk pajamas on. He noticed that Brian was wincing and paler than he had been. “Why don’t you lay down for an hour.” Justin suggested. “It’s too early for more pain meds, but maybe you should have at least one more.” “I’ll be alright.” Brian tried to shrug off Justin’s concern. “I will lay down though. I feel like I’ve been running races.” Justin had him back in the swing chair and over to the bed in minutes, quickly settling him and tucking him in. “Are you sure you don’t want anything for the pain?” “Just you, will you lie down with me?” Brian asked. “You’re all that I need right now.” “Where are we going with this Brian?” Justin asked, but he slipped between the fresh sheets in his shorts and tee shirt. “We’re taking it one minute at a time Justin. It’s all I have the strength to do right now.” Brian sighed, his breath caught when a wave of pain moved through him. Justin moved so that Brian’s head lay in the crook of his arm holding him close. “Close you eyes. I’ll hold you and keep you safe.” He whispered. And Brian, his eyes once again blinking back tears, let himself be held until he relaxed into sleep. “OH MY FUCKING GAWD” Justin blinked his eyes and groaned. “Daphne, why are you here?” “I’m the resident doctor if you recall.” She snickered. “I never thought I’d live to see this day.” “Why, if it isn’t Miss Chanders.” Brian drawled. “That’s Doctor Chanders, Brian.” She sniffed. “You fucking got him in the shower didn’t you. Couldn’t wait for me to approve him being hauled around. You wanted him naked and wet.” Daphne was reading Brian’s chart and walking toward the bed. “Hey Brian, I couldn’t believe it when I saw your name on my roster. Jennifer is a better manipulator than you were.” “Give me a kiss and shut up.” Brian grinned at her. Daphne leaned over and kissed his cheek. “Justin, go find us something to eat. I’m starving. I want to examine Brian. This is so cool, I get to see him naked officially.” “It’s my leg that’s broken, not my dick.” Brian drawled. “But good one Daphne.” “I’m not leaving you alone with him. You’re a pervert.” Justin teased. “Hey Daph, do you want to stay for dinner?” “Only if you’re cooking.” She grinned back at him. “Mom is cooking.” “Even better.” Daphne took Brian’s pulse as she talked. “Hey Brian, your pulse is a bit racy, I don’t suppose it’s ‘cause of me.” Brian rolled his eyes heavenward. “At the mercy of my twink and his hag, ahhhh how this brings back old memories.” “I’m no one’s twink, old man.” Justin said. “You deal with him. I’m going to see how mom is coming with dinner.” He kissed Brian quickly before leaving. “Brian, don’t you fucking dare mess up this chance for the two of you to get back together.” Daphne began. “Daphne, it’s been more than four years. Maybe I’ve moved on with my life, maybe Justin has moved on with his. Why do you just assume that we’re going to get back into what ever kind of relationship we had.” “For one thing, Justin has waited for you from the first night you fucked him. Nothing has changed there. For another thing, I’ve got eyes; I can see how you look at him. I know you want him. But do you deserve him, that’s the question.” Daphne didn’t expect Brian to answer, she efficiently checked his leg before pulling up the blankets. “And then there’s JB, she isn’t an easy child. She’s precocious, smart and she’s been through hell and back. How will you deal with her? Justin, of course, feels you’re next to god like. I, on the other hand, know your feet are very definitely made of clay.” “I thought you liked me Daphne. I’m crushed.” “I do like you Brian, but I love Justin. I’ve loved him since kindergarten. Since we’ll never be a couple and I know that, I have to do the next best thing. I have to make sure he’s happy. That’s what loving someone is all about. You want the very best for them. You want them happy. I want Justin happy. He wants you, he always has.” “Justin, Justin is special.” Brian began. “I just don’t know if I can be the man he wants me to be.” “Maybe you should ask him just what kind of man that is, instead of second guessing him.” Daphne got up on the bed beside Brian and lay down. “Fuck, I’m tired.” “Some bedside manner.” “Shut up, I’m beat.” She sighed. “Brian, you’re what thirty five or so, don’t you think it’s time you stopped fucking around. Hell, any time you need your dick sucked, Justin would be happy to do it. You want him on his knees, he’ll bend over. You want to get fucked, he’ll do it. He’s pretty much always available, so why in hell do you need to use someone else’s mouth or ass. Are they better than Justin, do they suck you off better, groan louder, kiss better.” “I don’t kiss other men.” Brian’s voice was small. “You kiss Michael, though I suppose he’s not much of a man.” Daphne rolled over and looked at Brian. “Brian I don’t want to fight or argue. I just don’t want Justin hurt.” “Daphne, you know I can’t promise I won’t hurt him. But I’ll do my best not to. I… I love him Daphne. I guess I knew it from the beginning. But I never was able to admit a weakness and Justin is my weakness.” She snuggled close to Brian and shut her eyes. “I believe you.” She sighed. He smiled and pulled a blanket over her. “I’ve had more women in my bed since I arrived here than I ‘ve ever had.” “You love it stud and you know it.” Daphne giggled. “Go to sleep doctor, there’s at least half an hour before dinner.” ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Six weeks later – Gus and JB were sitting in her tree house. They could see into JB’s apartment if they’d cared to look. “And that’s the end of the story.” Gus said, shutting the book he’d been reading. “I like it when you read the JB and the Angels stories.” JB sighed in pleasure as she leaned back against the frog shaped pillow. “Your daddy makes mine laugh all the time.” “Yeah, dad’s a lot happier since he found Justin again.” Gus admitted. “It’s going to seem funny not coming up here every weekend.” “How come you aren’t coming here next weekend?” JB sat up, concern in her eyes. “The tadpoles should have their legs by then.” “Dad is going home today. He got that smaller cast and he can walk with crutches. He doesn’t need anyone taking care of him anymore.” “But my daddy likes to take care of Brian.” JD said. “I like to have naps with my Brian.” Her bottom lip started to quiver. “Geeze, don’t cry JB.” Gus wrapped his arms around her. “Dad will come and visit your dad. Maybe you can get Justin to come to Pittsburgh. Dad has a cool apartment. He has like the whole floor of the building. There’s even a spare bedroom. You could have that one.” “Where would daddy sleep?” JB sniffed. “Uh, JB, your dad would sleep with my dad.” “Are you sure, cause daddy doesn’t ever sleep with anyone in his bed.” “Pretty sure.” Gus snickered. “But first we have to get Justin to come and visit.” JB crawled over to the window. “Hey Brian is kissing Daddy. He’s in daddy’s bedroom.” Gus moved over to see for himself. “Uh JB, I think maybe we should go get some ice cream or something.” “Hey daddy took his shirt off.” JB was incredulous. “He already had a shower today.” “JB come on, I’m hungry.” Gus tugged at JB’s shirt sleeve. “Okay, I want chocolate.” “I like chocolate too.” Gus said, relieved he could get her away from the window. Gus had been around his father for a long time. He knew what was about to happen. Inside the bedroom, Justin began to remove Brian’s shirt. “One for the road.” He whispered as they both fell into his bed. “Justin, it doesn’t have to be like this.” Brian’s face was buried in Justin’s neck. “Brian, it’s life. It’s our life. We’re never on the same page. Now let’s just have this one last fuck before your driver gets here.” Justin wrapped his legs around Brian.