Part 3

“So, what about this box?”  Tyler asked, peeking inside.

“What’s it labeled?”  Justin called from midway up the stairs.

“This and That.”  Tyler rolled his eyes impatiently. 

“Oh well …”Justin hesitated.  

“It’s the tenth box labeled ‘This and That’.”  Tyler added. “And then there are the others labeled ‘Stuff’. The older man sighed. 

“Well, that’s all I have.  I have odds and ends.  Would you prefer that title instead?”  Justin challenged.  

“No.”  Tyler replied, his voice short.  He placed the box on the floor and headed to the kitchen to get some water.  He was tired and had forgotten what a pain in the ass moving was until he’d volunteered to help Justin move in.  

He watched as Justin shot him a glare before continuing up the stairs.  Tyler picked up a bottle of water then grabbed a second.  Downing the first, he pitched the second to Justin as he entered the kitchen.    

“I’m sorry, okay?  It’s just hard to figure out where to put boxes that aren’t labeled something appropriate.”  Tyler attempted then realized his comments hadn’t improved the situation. 

“Like what?”  Justin argued. 

“Like Kitchen or Bathroom.”  Tyler suggested.  

“Oh.”  Justin offered weakly.  “I didn’t think about that.  I just thought about clothes, and the rest.  I didn’t have much after I left Brian.”  Tyler bit his lip realizing how he had managed to take a day that was no doubt difficult for Justin and making it worse.  How long had he begged the blond to move in with him and yet this was how he chose to support Justin through the experience?  Tyler sighed and tossed the water bottle into the recycling bin. 

“I’m sorry.”  Tyler stepped forward.  “I’m just tired and being a bitch.” He stood in front of the blond, his hands caressing Justin’s waist.

“Yes you are.” Justin agreed then smiled.  Tyler smiled back.  

“Let’s call it a day.”  Tyler offered.  “We have tomorrow to get things situated.  I need a shower.”  Justin glanced around realizing that the boxes were finally out of the car and in Tyler’s loft. All that remained was the unpacking. 

“Okay.”  Justin agreed tossing his bottle into the recycle bin as well. 

“Want to join me?”  Tyler asked, pulling the smaller man toward the stairs.  Justin laughed. 

“In a minute.”  Justin replied.  “I need to figure out where I put my cell phone.”  As if on cue the phone rang from the other side of the living room.  “I’ll see who it is and then be up.”  Tyler kissed him quickly then headed up the stairs shedding clothes as he moved.

“Hello.”  Justin greeted, sounding slightly out of breath.

“Hey Sunshine.”  Brian offered.  Justin was amazed how two words could still cause his heart to race.  He took a deep breath. 

“Hey.”  He replied softly, trying to hide the sudden surge of insecurity he felt about moving in with Tyler.  Was he really ready for this?  Had he finally managed let go of Brian?  Justin shook his head slightly to clear his thoughts. 

“How are you feeling?”  Brian asked sincerely. 

“Oh, I’m all better now.  They put me back on my seizures meds for a few months just to be on the safe side, so I feel a little out of it but other than that I’m okay.”  Justin couldn’t help but feel touched that Brian had called to check on him.  He found himself thinking about how good it had felt to be in Brian’s arms in the backroom.  It had felt so familiar and so right.  Sometimes he wondered if anything would ever feel that right again. 

“Did I catch you at a bad time?”  Brian asked.

“Well I was about to get in the shower.”  Justin offered.  “Tyler has been helping me move in all day.” Justin paused for a moment wondering if he should have shared that.  It felt weird talking to Brian like this. 

“You’re moving in with him?”  Brian asked, sounding a little surprised. 

“Yeah.”  Justin offered softly.  He felt uncomfortable about the way they’d said goodbye at the hospital.  Brian and Steve had left the next morning.  Justin remembered how lost and distant Brian had seemed when he left his room.  A part of him wanted to feel good about that.  Shouldn’t he want Brian to regret his decision to leave him for Steve?  The blond sighed realizing he could never take any joy knowing Brian wasn’t happy.   “Things okay with Steve?”  He ventured leaning back on the kitchen counter.

“I guess.”  Brian dismissed.

“Brian?”  Justin pressed recognizing something in the man’s voice that confirmed his suspicions concerning Brian’s relationship with Steve.  

“I just wanted to make sure that you were okay.”  Brian offered.  “Go take your shower.  I’ll call you again soon.”  

“Or maybe I’ll call you.”  Justin offered.  They both knew it wasn’t going to happen but somehow knowing that Justin was trying to make things easier for him did manage to help Brian feel better about things.  

“Goodnight Sunshine.”  Brian spoke barely above a whisper, hanging up before Justin could reply. 

“You ready?”  Tyler called to him from the top of the stairs.  Justin glanced up nodding, then laid his phone down on the kitchen counter.  He didn’t want to think about Brian, not now.  Today was the beginning of something good.  The last thing Justin needed was to have doubts about Brian.  He’d made a desperate grab at false hope once before when it looked as though Brian might be over Steve. Hope that had been ripped away when he’d open that pantry almost a year ago.  Justin wasn’t about to make the same mistake again.  Besides, he would be a fool to walk away from Tyler.  So what if things weren’t the same as they had been with Brian.  Maybe that was a good thing.  

“It’s over.”  He whispered, reminding himself.  “He’s moved on.  You’re moving on.”  He reiterated.  “Let go Justin.”  He demanded as he pulled his shirt up over his head. 

“You okay?” Tyler’s voice surprised him, causing the blond to jump.  He turned to find Tyler standing behind him wearing nothing but a towel and a concerned looked on his face.  

“I’m fine.”  Justin assured him.  Tyler knew he wasn’t being completely honest but understood that now wasn’t the time to press the issue.  

“Was that Brian?”  Tyler ventured.  Justin nodded staring back at his phone.  “Come on, let’s get you wet.”  Tyler reached for the young man running his hand up and over Justin’s bare chest.  Something about Tyler’s touch seemed to push the doubt and insecurity away as Justin relaxed and allowed himself to be led up the stairs. 
…..

“Brian, this is Zach Kennedy.”  Cynthia introduced the new Art Director.  Brian shook the man’s hand.  Steve had hired him during the week that Brian had wasted in Boston trying to convince Brown Athletics that their new art team could produce what Justin had managed for their previous campaign.  

“I hope you are as good as Steve suggests.”  Brian replied.  “We lost our connection with Instyle Design.”  Brian offered.  “It’s left quite a hole in the quality of our work. One that our clients are starting to notice.”

“I’ve seen their stuff.  It’s good, but I think we can match it if we can get some key people on staff.”  Zach replied confidently.  “Did you try to lure their talent away? Hell, it’s in New Hampshire; surely the chance to live in New York is enticement enough.” Zach reasoned. 

“He isn’t interested.”  Brian announced then noted the confusion on Zach’s face and quickly covered. “They aren’t interested.”  Zach waited, realizing he’d stumbled across something he needed to know.  Brian sighed rolling his lips into his mouth for a moment before continued. “The artist we want at Instyle is involved with Tyler Stanford, the owner.”  Brian knew it wasn’t the whole story but it was all the man needed to know. Zach nodded. 

 “Well, what about the other artists there?” He ventured.  

“Well I’m not sure there are any there that we would want.  There’s is a lot of talent here in New York.”  Zach realized the subject of Instyle was closing but decided to take one more stab before shifting gears.

“That’s true, but if you are going for a certain look it would save time to reach out to someone who already knows the style.”  Zach suggested.   Brian leveled his gaze on the new Art Director.  Zach quickly added. “I’ll put out some feelers.  We’ll get some new talent in.”  Brain nodded.  Kennedy glanced down making a few notes before glancing back up to meet Brian’s gaze.  

Brian found himself assessing the other man.  He couldn’t help but notice how attractive Zach was.  He was blond, blue eyed, trim, tall.  Definitely not Brian’s type, the ad man reminded himself.   

“Well, tell me about yourself.”  Brian suggested, glancing through the man’s personnel folder that Cynthia had left on his desk.

“Not much to tell.  Lived in New York all of my professional career, was in a committed relationship but that recently ended.”  Zach clued his new boss in to the truth of his personal situation.  Brian nodded. 

“More time to focus on your career.” Brian offered.  Zach shrugged clearly not over the break up.  Both men stood as Zach extended his hand in Brian’s direction.  Brian took it and noticed this time that it lingered a little longer than before.  He met the clear blue eyes and found himself thinking of Justin.   “Welcome aboard.”  Brian offered.  Zach gave him an interested look before leaving the room.  

“He’s cute.” Cynthia teased as she entered the office. 

“I didn’t notice.”  Brian replied coolly. “ Besides I’m not interested, I’m with someone.”

“Never stopped you before.”  She shot, landing a direct hit.  “I’m going to get these down to billing.  Anything else?”  She asked sweetly. 

“Where’s Steve?”  Brian asked. 

“I think he took his new assistant to lunch.”  Cynthia replied as she left.  Brian found himself unable to concentrate as his mind returning to thoughts of Zach Kennedy.

Brian knew it would be a mistake to make a move on thenew Art Director.  Steve would throw a hissy fit if he thought Brian was fucking the help.  Brian knew why Kennedy was so tempting.  He slightly resembled Justin, an older Justin, but still the resemblance was there.  Brian found that no matter how hard he tried not to think of Justin, the man always found a way to creep in and capture his imagination.  

Brian pushed back from his desk and pinched the bridge of his nose.  He felt tired, a little more each day.  Steve and he were still good, well different, since they’d returned from the Pitts, but on fairly solid ground.  Steve had been jealous and even gone so far as to forbid Brian from contacting Justin.  That hadn’t lasted a minute, Brian didn’t do ultimatums or rules.  Brian smiled, realizing what a hypocrite he’d become.  Of course he did rules, just not Steve’s rules.  

“Brian?”  Brian glanced up meeting Cynthia’s gaze once more.  “I’m sorry for what I said.  I know things are different.”  She offered.  She didn’t care for Steve.  She knew Justin was better for Brian. Brian was her chief concern. She’d watched him for the last year and knew the man wasn’t happy even if he was too proud to admit that fact to himself.  

“When’s my next appointment?” Brian asked ignoring her concern, his tone clarifying that he held no malice toward her for her remark.  

“Not until three.”  She smiled. 

“Do you know where Steve went for lunch?” There was something about the way Cynthia has offered the information concerning Steve and his new assistant that was nagging at the brunet.  

“Calli’s.” Cynthia replied. “Do you want me to call and get you a table?” Calli’s was usually booked by now.

“No, I think I’ll just crash Steve’s lunch.”  Brian rose and moved past her.  Things had been strained between the two of them.  It was time that Brian re-engage in his relationship with the older man.  Justin was moving on.  It was time that he did so as well.  After all he’d made this bed.  If he was going to live with it, he would have to start remembering what it was about the older man that had convinced him to walk away from Justin.  Brian only hoped that the feelings he’d felt for Steve would prove as durable as the affection he still held for Justin.
…

Steve watched as the young man slowly ate his dessert.  He was a yummy morsel.  Steve watched as the spoon disappeared between the young man’s pink full lips then back into the ice cream.  

“I love my job.”  The young man enthused.  “I’m meeting so many nice people and learning so much.”  Steve nodded absently, watching the spoon.  Gratitude was such a pliable state of mind.  

“I haven’t met Mr. Kinney yet.  He’s the other full partner right?”  Kevin asked innocently. 

“Right. He’s my partner.”  Steve finally answered, spoon in, spoon out. 

“I’m really grateful for this opportunity.  I hope I’ll be able to work my way up into something more productive.”  Kevin continued. Spoon in; spoon out. 

“I’m sure with the right attitude and some willingness to work long hard hours deep into the night, you’ll find yourself on top in no time.”  Steve promised, his eyes full of suggestion.  

Kevin allowed the spoon to linger this time as his tongue licked it slowly, before sinking it back into his mouth.  

“I’m willing to do whatever it takes Mr. Brenner.  Just let me know what you want from me and I’ll comply.  I’m sure you will find that I enjoy being useful to others.”  His voice was innocent but his eyes and body were screaming of indiscretion.  Steve was going to like this new assistant.  He was going to like him a lot.

“Well, what do you know about discretion?”  Steve leaned forward intensifying the conversation.  

“Discretion?  You mean keeping my mouth shut?”  Kevin offered coyly. 

“I believe Mr. Brenner was implying that you would first open your mouth for him then keep it closed about that fact. Isn’t that right Steve?”  Brian’s voice startled both men as Steve started slightly then looked up into his partner’s unhappy gaze. 

“Brian, so good of you to come.”  Steve recovered gesturing to an empty chair.  “This is Kevin my new assistant.”  Steve offered ignoring Brian’s insinuation. 

“Hello Mr. Kinney.”  Kevin nervously rose and extended his hand.  Brian considered it for a moment before turning to face his partner.  

“May I have a moment?”  Brian walked away from the table. Steve offered Kevin an apologetic smile then rose to follow Brian outside. “What the fuck are you doing?” Brian accused the moment they were on the sidewalk.  

“Brian.”  Steve glanced at the pedestrians who were being treated to their domestic drama.  “Lower your voice, there is no reason to make a scene.”  Steve commanded, moving further away from the restaurant’s entrance  “We have clients who dine here.”  

“Answer my fucking question.”  Brian demanded, jerking his arm out of the other man’s grasp.  “Don’t fucking handle me.  I’m not some jerk off assistant.”

“Brian—“

“Are you fucking him?  Is that what you want?  Mr. Monogamy suddenly wants to start fucking the staff?”  Brian charged. “Because I’m fine with it but realize it goes both ways—“

“I’m not fucking him!” Steve shouted then schooled his own tone.  “I’m not fucking him.”  He took a deep breath, calming himself further.  

“Discretion?”  Brian shook his head. 

“Look,” Steve swallowed.  “I was thinking about it.  I confess.  You caught me before it went too far, but I’m lonely Brian.  You hardly look at me let alone touch me. Ever since we got back from that fucking family reunion—“

“Don’t—“ Brian warned.

“Don’t what?  Be honest?” Steve sighed.  “I know you have feelings for Justin.  I had hoped you would have outgrown them by now.  He’s not in love with you.  He probably never really was.  He was a kid, he’s still a kid.” Steve groused.  “I’ll give you that he’s a good looking kid but he has a long way to go before he could ever stand toe to toe with you, Brian. “

“You don’t know shit and this isn’t about Justin, this is about you wanting to fuck that kid in there.”  Brian brought the conversation back on topic.

“Why is that do you think? “ Steve challenged. “When was the last time you initiated sex?”  

“I don’t like getting fucked and that’s all you seem interested in ---“

“Is this a top and bottom issue?”  Steve laughed.  “Did you ever let Justin on top?  Was he that big of a bottom?”  

“Fuck you.”  Brian spat.  

“Look Brian,” Steve warned, his jaw clenched in order to keep his volume low. “I’m not some punk kid who is so desperate for you to love him that I’ll roll over and offer my ass to you without wanting my share of yours.  I’m a grown man who expects more than a cursory interest in my sexual satisfaction.  I’m not in this to blow you or bottom for you anytime your fragile ego needs a lift.  We are more than that.  We are partners and like it or not, with that comes responsibilities beyond blow jobs and mutual masturbation.”

“Steve—“ Brian was surprised by the rage he felt coming from the older man.  Hadn’t he been the one wronged by the luncheon liason between Steve and Kevin.  

“You haven’t been the same since your last run in with Michelangelo.”  He moved closer glaring into Brian’s eyes. “You want to blame me for your break up, fine.  You want to call Peter Salinger and buy into his delusional walk down convenient memory lane, go for it.  You want out?  I’ll let you out, hell, I’ll help you pack.  But my beautiful fucked up friend, understand that reality is reality and even though you might want to pin it on me, it was you that decided to leave Justin.  Peter chose to leave that Devon creature he’d attached himself to.  I didn’t put a gun to either of your heads, not then and I’m not holding one on you now.”  

“I know that.”  Brian admitted still wondering how the tables had been turned so quickly.

“Now I’m going back into the restaurant and finish my meal.  If you would like to join us, fine.  If not, then I’ll see you back at the office. Unlike your last fling, I won’t stand to be publicly humiliated so I suggest you seek out other strategies. ” The older man turned without another word and strode back through the entrance leaving Brian alone to sort out what had just happened.   
...

“Ty?”  Justin kissed the man’s neck and moved on top of him.  Tyler opened his eyes.  

“Don’t tell me it’s morning?”  He threatened. 

“Yep, and Monday at that.”  Justin nipped his ear and he worked his way down Tyler’s neck then his chest. 

“You are the best alarm clock ever.”  Tyler laughed softly then moaned as Justin reached his final destination.  He arched his back as he thrust his hips in time to Justin’s motions.   They’d been living together for three months now and Tyler had never been happier.  He placed his hand on the back of Justin’s head applying slightly more pressure.  Justin opened his throat eliciting a deep moan from his lover. 

Tyler wondered where the blond had learned this trick.  It had to be from Kinney but Tyler refused to knowledge that fact either mentally or physically. 

“Justin.”  Tyler warned.  He felt himself cumming in the next few seconds.  The feel of Justin swallowed around his cock intensifying the sensation and leaving the man breathless.  “Shit.”  He panted as Justin returned to his mouth, feeding him what was left of his essence.  Tyler found it very erotic and dove in deeper before moving down Justin’s body to return the favor.  

Once he’d completed the younger man, they both moved to the shower.  

“We wouldn’t need to get up so early if we didn’t have to allow an hour for sexcapades.”  Tyler grumbled as he washed the soap out of his eyes.  Justin turned and faced him as the water streamed down between them. 

“Are you kidding?”  He asked, clearly surprised by the man’s comments.  They’d always enjoyed having sex in the mornings; what had changed?

“Yes and no.”  Tyler admitted.  “I mean the sex is great but it just seems you can’t get enough.”

“There’s no such thing as enough.” Justin spat without thinking.  Tyler clenched his jaw. That didn’t sound like Justin.  The blond turned back and began washing his chest 

“Do you have any more words of wisdom that Brian Kinney instilled that you want to share with me?”  Tyler quipped. 

“Brian never complained about having sex with me.”  Justin threw over his shoulder. 

“I’m not complaining.” Tyler argued. “I’m just tired.”  Justin furrowed his brow then opened the shower and left.  Tyler finished washing then followed.  He was a little surprised to find Justin already dressed and in the kitchen.

“Justin?”  He asked sensing that the blond had an issue. 

“What?”  Justin replied without looking up from his cereal.  

“You tell me.” Tyler offered, pouring a cup of coffee.  “You’re the one in the midst of a temper tantrum.  Do I need to ground you or something?”  Tyler couldn’t believe his own reaction and from the look on Justin’s face, it was evident that the blond was shocked as well.  

“Fuck you.”  Justin spat as he grabbed his messenger bag.  “I’ll leave you alone in the mornings.  I’ll jerk off in the shower so you can get your added rest.”  

“Why must you always over react?”  He shouted just as Justin slammed the front door.  He moved to the front door and opened it, watching as Justin slammed the car door then started the engine. 

“Don’t run off in a pout!” Tyler demanded.  

 “You know, living this far from the campus is a real pain in the ass for me but you don’t hear me complaining about having to get up early to make it to class,  do you?”  Tyler was about to answer but Justin continued as he put the car into gear.  “No, you don’t because I wanted to be here with you.  It is worth the inconvenience.  I never thought I’d have to fucking apologize for wanting you.”  

“Oh, for fuck sake Justin!”  Tyler had had enough as he headed down the steps toward the car.  “Come back inside, let’s talk about this. You are blowing this totally out of proportion!”  

“Well it’s the only thing I’ll be blowing around here for awhile.”  He threatened. 

“Is that the way you want it?”  Tyler asked, not sure how they got to this point but resenting the threat of a sexual boycott.

“No, it’s not.”  Justin replied.  “But I sure as fuck don’t want to put you out anymore.”  

“Come  back inside, I have to finish getting ready.  I thought I was driving you.”  Tyler offered, his voice softening.  

“No, I get sick of waiting for you when you’re running late.”  Justin spat.

“You never said anything—“ Tyler began surprised by the revelation.

“No, I never did.”  Justin confirmed as he sped down the drive. 

“Fuck!” Tyler spat.  He’d made one innocent comment and Justin had flown off his hinges.  He sat wearily on the front steps trying to piece together all that had been said.  He’d never thought of the longer commute or the fact that most of the time he was at least half an hour late picking the blond up after his classes.  Justin hadn’t seemed to mind, but now it was obvious that it had bothered him.  He just hadn’t brought it to Tyler’s attention.  He’d tried to be understanding.  

“He’s 22.”  Tyler rubbed his hand over his face.  “He’s supposed to want sex all of the time.”  Tyler sighed.  Maybe he was getting old.  Maybe he didn’t have the patience to be in this relationship after all.  Justin was level headed the majority of the time but then out of the blue the smallest thing seemed to set him off.  Tyler moved back into the house and grabbed his PDA to check his schedule.  He’d have to rush to make his first meeting. Justin’s dramatics would no doubt result in Tyler having to pucker up and kiss the client’s ass for keeping the man waiting.  What a way to start a work week.

…..

Brian checked his caller id and didn’t recognize the number.  

“Hello?”  He questioned. 

“Am I perv?”  Justin’s voice surprised him.  Brian leaned back in his chair and smiled.  He was suddenly struck by a longing he’d tried to forget.  

“In what way?”  Brian asked playing a bit.  There was a silence and Brian realized that Justin wasn’t in the mood to play.  “No you aren’t, but even if you were, that’s not necessarily a bad thing.”  Brian offered.  “Why, is Mr. Perfect telling you that you are?” 

“This was a mistake.  I just needed to know if I was fucked up somehow.”  Justin disconnected.  Brian hit redial. 

“Don’t fucking do that.”  He spat when Justin answered.  “Don’t call out of the blue, ask me a question then treat me like shit.”  

“I didn’t.”  Justin argued, then after a moment conceded. “I’m sorry.”  

“What happened?”  Brian asked sincerely.

“You don’t want to know.”  Justin admitted.

“Yes I do, tell me.”  Brian rose and closed the door to his office.  He didn’t want anyone barging in until he had the answers he wanted. 

“Well I got up this morning and I initiated sex.  I always do, but then when we were in the shower Tyler complained that the reason we have to get up so early is because I’m some kind of nympho.”  Justin killed the engine, grateful that he’d managed to locate parking space close to the fine arts complex.    Brian was silent for a moment remembering how much he had always loved morning sex with Justin.  It was something he and Steve rarely engaged in anymore. 

“You’re normal.  He’s lucky.”  Brian concluded.  “He’s just too fucking stupid to know it.”

“Brian.”  Justin warned. 

”You asked.”  Brian justified.

“Well you don’t hear me saying bitchy shit about that fucking backstabber that you’re sleeping with, so don’t call Tyler names.”  Brian wanted to defend Steve but he wasn’t feeling very generous towards the man at the moment.  In fact, since their blow up outside Calli’s, things had remained tense between the two men.   

“Touché.” Brian replied causing Justin to laugh.  

“I really overreacted.”  Justin felt embarrassed now, thinking about all the things he had said to Tyler.  “I just went off on him.”

“I have a faint memory of what it is like to be caught in one of your dramas.”  Brian offered. 

“Yeah, I know that’s one of the reasons I lost you.”  Justin mumbled softly. 

“Justin—“ Brian began.

“No, don’t lie.  I know you got sick of my queening out.”  Justin sighed. 

“It’s normal for someone your age to react differently.”  Brian explained. 

“So it was my age not my actions?”  Justin asked.  There was a long moment of silence as Brian realized it was neither.  It was Steve’s constant suggestion that it was both. 

“I never really minded it.”  Brian offered sincerely. 

“Then what was it Brian?  Can you tell me?  I mean I really think I’m in love with Tyler. I don’t want to lose him too?  Am I just fucked up or what?”  Justin asked, ignoring the fact that he was already late for class.  Brian felt a pain deep inside at the admission from Justin that he was in love with Tyler.  He’d never expected it to hurt so much.  Brian felt like a shit that he’d put Justin through this same painful ordeal a year ago.

“It wasn’t you.”  Brian replied honestly.  “It was me.”  

“Right. Well thanks for the help.”  Justin replied his irritation evident. 

“What do you want from me Justin?”  Brian asked wearily.  

“The truth.”  Justin spat.  

“The truth is that what we had was really good, I was happy, and even though I’m with Steve there are times when I know you made me happier than he could ever hope to, so if you’re calling to find out what fucked us up, the answer is me, not you.”   Justin was shocked by the admission.  

“You were happy?”  Justin asked softly, something in his voice stirring those old feelings inside the older man.  It was the same tone Brian remembered from their first year together.  Brian would find a way to suggest that the blond come back to the loft. Justin would seem both overjoyed and overwhelmed all at the same moment, exhilarated and humbled that Brian was choosing to invite him into the private recesses of his life.  Brian realized how that it had been Justin’s acceptance and not the invitation itself that had been the gift.  

“Yes.”  Brian admitted.

“Me too.”  Justin whispered.  “I have to get to class. Thanks Brian.”  He disconnected before Brian could say more.  Brian sat staring at his phone wishing he had the courage to dial the number again, but he knew he’d given all he could for one day.

What had he expected to gain from his admission?  Had he expected Justin to throw caution to the wind, forgive him for the betrayal, throw Tyler Stanford to the wolves and rush back into his arms?  Of course Justin wasn’t going to do any of that.  He’d learned his lesson. Brian knew, if nothing else, he was a good and thorough teacher. 
….


“He has a meeting?”  Brian asked.  Cynthia raised one eyebrow.   “What?”  Cynthia just shook her head hating the position she was at the moment.  Brian sensed her internal conflict. “Tell me.” He demanded.  Cynthia debated another moment before moving to close the door to Brian’s office.  Brian watched his growing sense of unease increasing with each step.  Cynthia returned to Brian’s desk where she carefully laid down the files she had been carrying. She fiddled with them for a moment as she searched for the right words.  After all Brian was more than her boss and mentor, he was her friend and she cared for him more than he would ever accept. 

“It’s just a water cooler rumor.”  She began.  “But some are saying that Kevin Daily is assisting Steve with more than mere work matters.”  Brian furrowed his brow and would have laughed had it not been so ridiculous.  He had a quick flash of Steve and Kevin sharing lunch at Calli’s.  He and Steve had confronted this possibility and Steve had assured him that though he’d considered it, he wouldn’t follow through with his plan.  

“You aren’t serious?”  He asked. Cynthia shrugged.  

”There is some evidence.”  She reported, wishing she didn’t have to be the one to tell Brian these things. 

“Such as?”  Brian was curious. 

 “Kevin insinuated to a few of the interns that things were heating up between he and Steve.”  Brian’s mouth dropped open for just a second before he regained his composure.  

”What do you think?”  Brian asked. 

”I think Kevin Daily is a ladder climbing butt boy who would do anything to get up a few rungs.”  She admitted then bit her lip wondering if she’d overstepped her boundaries.  Realizing that she was beyond caring she continued.  “He’s also not very bright and would be just stupid enough to brag about it if indeed it was happening.”  Brian nodded as the realization began to dawn.  

“Well, let me see him.”  Brian offered.  “I’ll get to the bottom of this.”  Cynthia nodded picking up her files. 

“Sorry I had to be the one.”  She offered.

“Nothing’s happening.” Brian reassured her. “But let’s stop this before it gets out of hand.”   Cynthia nodded as she turned to open the office door, she then turned back.

“Brown Athletics called; they aren’t happy.  Zach needed to see if you could perhaps join him on a conference call this afternoon with Instyle.”  Brian gave a brief nod as he made a mental note to call Zach once he finished talking to Kevin.  

“Cynthia, find Steve and tell him I want to see him as well.”  Cynthia smiled

“You got it boss.” She smiled then disappeared through the door.  It was the first glimpse of the Brian she had known from before and missed over the last year.  

…


Tyler had just hung up the phone when he heard a light knock on the door.  Glancing up he watched as Justin entered. 

”Are you busy?”  Justin asked, clearly concerned he was interrupting the man’s day. 

“I thought you had class.”  Tyler remarked, unsure for the reason behind the blond’s appearance. 

“I had something more important to do.”  Justin offered.  

“Really?”  Tyler asked.

“I’m sorry about this morning.  I just got defensive about the sex and well, anything that’s related to my age.  It was a factor in my breakup with Brian and I guess I’m just a little sensitive about it. I also can’t seem to help my sexual appetite.” Tyler rose and moved to the younger man.  The sudden outburst from the morning was starting to make sense.  

“Jeez Justin, did you really think that I was complaining about the fact that you want me?”  He cupped the younger man’s face.  “I was tired.  That’s the downside of my age.  I don’t bounce out of bed as easily as I did at your age.  I can’t stay up all night messing around then two hours later hit the alarm and greet the day.”  He smiled to let Justin know he wasn’t upset.  “I wish I could.”  He offered, his eyes soft and his voice affectionate.  “There is nothing I would rather do than stay in bed with you 24/7.”  

“I don’t even want it that much.”  Justin laughed.  

“See? That’s the trouble with you young guys, never satisfied.  You always have to have variety.” Tyler teased.

“It is the spice of life.”  Justin reached for the man wrapping his arms around Tyler’s waist.  “I just queen out.  Brian used to call me a princess when I did it.  I don’t know why I just go off like that.”

“Well, you are a lot of things Justin Taylor, but a princess isn’t one of them.  I think you are extremely reasonable and rational in how you approach your life.  I don’t ever think of you as immature.”  Tyler kissed his lips pulling him into an embrace.  Justin sighed and relaxed for the first time.  He was so sure that he had blown things with Tyler.  

“I’m so glad we’re okay.  I was pretty upset. I called Brian to ask—“

“You called Brian?”  Tyler’s tone was edgy as he pulled back.  

“Well yeah.”  Justin replied, sounding slightly unsure.  “I was upset and wanted to head off anything that I did that contributed to the end of our relationship.  I don’t want to make the same mistakes that I did—“

“You called Brian because we had a fight?” Tyler stepped back obviously upset. 

“I just needed—“

“What?  What is it that you needed from him?”  Tyler accused, hating that he suddenly felt insanely jealous.

“Tyler, you sound –“

“Angry?”  Tyler spat.  “Good observation.”  He moved back to his desk.  In truth he felt threatened by the call and incredibly insecure.

“I just don’t want to fuck this up.”  Justin continued.

“So you called your old lover to find out how to handle me?”  Tyler looked up his eyes blazing.  

“No.”  Justin gasped.  “That wasn’t it. You aren’t listening to me.” Justin argued growing angry as well.  

“I heard you.   You were angry at me so you called Brian to commiserate.  I’m surprised he isn’t on a plane rushing up here to comfort you.”  Tyler couldn’t seem to control his own rant.

“Stop it!” Justin growled.  “This isn’t about Brian.  This is about us.” 

“Are you shitting me?  Everything is about Brian.  Have we gotten through one fucking week without something reminding you of him?”  Tyler shook his head.   Justin stood, shocked by the older man’s behavior. 

“Fuck you.”  He spat as he moved toward the door. “All I wanted was to know what it was that I did to drive him away—“

“You didn’t drive him away Justin!” Tyler shouted.  “He left you.  He chose to walk away. “ Justin recoiled as if physically slapped.   Even now almost a year later it still hurt to think about Brian walking out on him.  Tyler knew that he’d gone too far.  

“I came here to apologize.”  Justin offered.  “But you obviously just want to start another argument.”  He turned to leave.  

“Yeah Justin, walk away.  That’s the smart thing to do.”  Tyler shot, wondering if he could really survive losing the blond.  He suddenly felt the need to protect himself.  He was in deeper than he’d ever allowed himself to go before.  If this didn’t work out; how would he ever put his life back together?  It was so thoroughly entwined with Justin’s. 

Justin paused at the door and looked back.  “Where is this coming from?”  He asked.  “You’ve never talked to me like this.”  He observed. 

“You’ve never consulted Brian in our relationship.”  Tyler replied, knowing his voice was giving away his insecurities.  Justin took a deep breath then pushed off the door heading back to his lover.  He grabbed him roughly then kissed him thoroughly.  

“I love you, you fucking shit head.  I love you enough to call the man who broke my fucking heart so that I won’t lose you.  Don’t you get it?  I don’t want to lose you!”  He kissed him again.  Tyler was ready this time and kissed him back.  The kiss deepened until the contents of Tyler’s desk had been swiped to the floor and the two men were madly fucking on the desk.  

“Whoa!”  Tyler breathlessly sighed as he moved off of the smaller man.  Justin laughed softly as he struggled to catch his breath.  “Ever done it on a desk before?”  Tyler teased.  Justin remained silent.  Tyler met his gaze.  Justin gave him a reluctant nod.  Tyler shook his head. “It would be very nice if just once I could be your first at something.” 

“Keep trying, we’ll find something.”  Justin encouraged as he sat up wiping the perspiration from his forehead.  

“So am I forgiven?” Tyler asked.  Justin laughed.  

“Are you kidding?”  They both laughed.  

“No more relationship advice from Brian.” Tyler warned.  Justin nodded but felt the sting of resentment.  He didn’t like Tyler laying down these sorts of mandates.  

“No more complaining about getting head.”  Justin threw back.  Tyler smirked. 

“I promise.”  He offered.  The intercom buzzed causing both men to jump. They laughed again as Justin moved to find his clothing.  He tossed Tyler his shirt as the man answered the call.  

“Brian Kinney on line one.”  Sarah’s voice came over the line.  Justin and Tyler exchanged a look as the man accepted the call. 

“Brian?”  Tyler greeted.  “Justin is here.  I thought I’d put you on speaker.”  

“Tyler.”  Brian didn’t seem thrown by the gesture.  “Justin.” 

“Hey, Brian.  Sorry about this morning.” Justin apologized.  Tyler wondered once more what the two had shared. 

“No problem Sunshine.”  Tyler resented the nickname and immediately directed the call back to business.

“What did you need?”  He asked.  Justin noted the tone of his voice and realized Tyler was jealous.  He moved up behind the man and kissed the back of his neck reassuring him.  

“First let me introduce Zach Kennedy, our new Art Director.”

“Mr. Kennedy.”  Both men replied.  

“Mr. Stanford, your reputation precedes you.  Mr. Taylor, I’ve seen the work you did last year for various campaigns.  I’m very impressed, any chance of stealing you away? No offense Mr. Stanford.”  Zach apologized half heartedly.  

“Thank you and no.”  Justin replied.  Tyler ignored the compliment, but couldn’t help but smile at Justin’s flat response.  When would he finally trust that Kinney was history for the blond?   

“What do you need?”  Tyler asked, his voice flat and emotionless.

“Well actually, I need Justin.”  Brian stated, letting the words hang for a second longer than he should have.  “We’re struggling in our graphics department.  It seems that our new Art Director is taking his sweet time finding talent.”

“It isn’t for lack of trying.”  Zach chimed in.

“Yeah I know,” Tyler began, “Mr. Kennedy has attempted to steal several of my best artists, including his attempt today.”  Tyler’s displeasure was evident.

“Well that’s the nature of the business.”  Brian replied honestly.  Justin continued to dress, enjoying the sound of Brian’s voice and thinking about what the man had said earlier. 

“So you need Justin to work on something for you?”  Tyler glanced at the blond who was casually dressing.  He looked at his desk and realized he’d never see it the same way again.   “What do you think Justin?”  Tyler offered.  Justin worried his lip as he tried to read Tyler expression.  They’d just had a close call in their relationship because of Brian; did he dare press the issue further by actually working for the man? 

“I can do it.”  Justin offered.  “I just finished the work for that Canadian firm.”

“Send the specs and we’ll take a look.” Tyler conceded hating the idea of Justin continuing any association with Kinney. 

“Well here’s the problem.”  Brian’s voice interrupted.  “I need Justin here.”  

“No way.” Tyler answered before the blond could.  Justin furrowed his brow.  

“Why?”  Justin stepped closer to the desk, ignoring his over protective and obviously jealous boyfriend. 

“The presentation is less than a week away.  We don’t have the time to spare for shipping and revisions.”  Zach explained a little unsure of the dynamic he was picking up on.  There was more going on here than an artist who was sleeping with the boss.  

“I don’t see how your lack of planning should impact Justin this way.” Tyler didn’t like the idea of Justin being in New York with Brian at all.  There was no way he was agreeing to that and the sooner Kinney accepted it the better.

“How long do you think I would need to be there?”  Justin asked undercutting Tyler’s resolve.

“Just this week.”  Brian replied feeling hopeful as he read Justin’s tone.  He could see the blond, wheels already turning as he worked out how to rearrange other commitments so that he could help out a friend. 

“What kind of bonus would you offer Instyle?”  Justin persisted, reaching out to touch Tyler’s shoulder, trying to sooth some of the tension radiating off the man.  Tyler shook his head making it evident he didn’t want Justin to go.  Justin shrugged his concern away.  

“Double the normal plus all travel and accommodation expenses you incur.”  Brian replied.   Justin heard his office door open and heard Steve’s voice in the background. 

“Steve, are you okay with this?”  Tyler interrupted.  

“Okay with what?  Who is this?”  Steve ventured. 

“Tyler Stanford.” Tyler watched Justin carefully, realizing he was handling Steve Brenner’s presence much better than before their last trip to Pittsburgh.  “Brian just offered Justin a job down there to get a presentation together.”  

“I’m fine with it.”  Steve replied.  “As long as he gets the work done.”  Justin stiffened.  He hated that old prick.  

“I can be there tomorrow.”  Justin replied. 

“I’ll call later with hotel and flight information.  I’ll have someone pick you up.  We’ll set you up in a hotel near the agency.”  Brian offered.

“Okay.”  Justin was touched by how natural it felt making plans with Brian.  They had a rhythm and even after a year’s separation it was still there between them. 

“Well I guess you have your answer.”  Tyler ended the call.  

“It will be okay.”  Justin reassured the man.  “Think how amazing the reunion sex will be.”  He kissed his lover then tucked his shirt in once more as he moved to the door.  

His words failed to comfort Tyler who had already wondered the very same thing.

…

“Well, Justin returns to New York, I’m all giddy with anticipation.”  Steve quipped.  Zach Kennedy could feel the tension building between the two partners.  

“I should be going.”  He offered giving Brian a weak smile.  “I’ll get the arrangements in place—“

“Tell Cynthia, she’ll set Justin up.  They’re old friends.” Brian assured the man.  Zach smiled anxiously as he headed toward the door and to Cynthia’s desk.  He was going to get the rest of the story from someone in the know. 

“Where have you been?”  Brian snapped once Zach was out of ear shot. 

“I’ve been busy.”  Steve replied weakly as he took a seat on Brian’s couch.  “This couch is uncomfortable.  We should get you one like I have in my office.”

“Is that the one where you’ve been fucking Kevin Daily?”  Brian accused.

“Brian—“

“Not that I give a shit.”  Brian assured him.  “But I do ask that if you are going to fuck around behind my back that you have the common sense not to shit in your own backyard.”  There was a knock on Brian’s door.  “Come in.”  Brian called.  

”Mr. Kinney?”  Kevin Daily entered timidly.  “I heard that you wanted to speak—“  Kevin spotted Steve sitting on the couch.  “Mr Brenner?” He glanced between the two men clearly confused.  

“Kevin, rumor has it that you are fucking the boss.”  Brian leveled him with a glare.  “Is that true?”  Kevin glanced at Steve. 

“Mr. Brenner isn’t asking you the question, I am.” Brian demanded.  “Are you fucking your boss?”  Kevin shook his head, nervously glancing in Steve’s direction. 

“Well, that’s odd because apparently you’re telling anyone who might listen that you are.”  Brian moved closer to the young man.  

“Brian, you’re frightening this young man.” Steve weighed in as he calmly rose and moved toward his assistant. He placed a protective arm around the lad before continuing.  “I’m appalled that anyone would suggest that Kevin and I are engaged in anything less than a professional relationship.”  Kevin seemed to relax which caused Brian’s scrutiny to intensify.  “Kevin, I expect you to put any such rumors to bed.”  Steve admonished the young man.  “Brian, perhaps it is time to have HR break out that old office conduct seminar.”  Brian offered his partner an incredulous stare. “I’m sure this situation will work itself out. Don’t you think so Kevin?”  

“Whatever you say Mr. Brenner.” Daily offered, grateful that the older man was in the room.  “I’m sorry if I did anything that might have suggested that I was involved with Mr. Brenner.”  He glanced at Brian then quickly looked away.  If Brian had held any lingering doubts concerning the legitimacy of the rumors, they were extinguished.  

“I’m afraid that’s not good enough.”  Brian sarcastically smirked. 

“Brian,” Steve raised his hand stopping the brunet from continuing.  “Kevin, will you excuse us.”  Kevin nodded then hustled out of the room.  

“You have been fucking him.” Brian spat. Steve started to answer but Brian stopped him with a wave of his hand. “I don’t want to know.  I just want him gone.” He gestured toward the door then turned back to his desk. “I don’t give a shit how you do it, but he’s gone.”

“I can’t just fire him.  Think of the liability issue.”  Steve warned.  

“Then contact HR and find a reason, just get rid of him, and get the hell out of my office!” Brian spat turning his back on the older man.  

“Brian, why are you making such an issue of this?  It isn’t like you haven’t been cheating on me for the last few months.”  Steve argued. 

“What the fuck are you talking about?  I haven’t seen the inside of a backroom since—“

“Since your harmless trip to Babylon.”  Steve spat.  

“You did this to get even with me?  I told you that nothing happened.”  Brian shook his head.  

“No, you said you almost fucked him.  That you would have had he not been injured, that’s hardly nothing.”  Steve continued. “Not to mention the fact that our relationship has been on some odd hiatus ever since that weekend.”   Brian remained silent, considering the man’s words.  It was the truth.  He’d made several attempts to reconcile his feelings but in all honesty, those efforts had been half hearted at best.  Brian sighed, sinking back into his chair. 

“What do you suggest?”  Brian glanced up meeting Steve’s gaze.  He needed this to work, after all he’d thrown Justin away to give it a try.  Brian had been so sure in the beginning that Steve was the right person.  Why was it that he no longer felt that way?

“You want Kevin gone, fine, but under one condition.”  Steve moved closer until he was sitting on the edge of Brian’s desk.  Brian raised his brows waiting for the other shoe to drop.  “I don’t want Justin here.  Teleconference, web conference, video conference, I don’t give a shit about the expense.  I don’t want him here, in my building, working with you.”  Brian couldn’t help but feel disappointed. He’d been looking forward to seeing Justin ever since Zach had brought the idea to his attention.  Now, he would have to call and make some excuse to the blond.  Brian glanced up aware that Steve had been watching him intensely while he’d considered the request.  “You know Brian, your hesitancy does nothing for my confidence.”  

“I’ll call him.”  Brian rolled his lips in, already considering how to rescind the offer.  

“No, I’ll call him.”  Steve corrected.  Brian started to say something but Steve stopped him with a gesture.  “You will be too busy firing Kevin.”  Brian nodded, accepting the compromise.  

“Don’t be an ass.  He hasn’t done anything.”  Brian warned. 

“Don’t worry Brian, I’ll be the picture of charm.”  Steve leaned in capturing the younger man’s lips in a soft tender kiss.  “I’m not the enemy Brian.” He whispered against those full lips. “I’m just not Justin.”  He pulled back, his eyes communicating just how painful it had been to watch Brian struggling with the lingering affection he felt for the blond.  

“Let’s eat in tonight.”  Brian suggested. 

“I’ll cook.”  Steve agreed as he turned and left Brian’s office.  Once the door was shut Brian leaned back once more in his chair placing his palms over his eyes.  He couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt this tired.  

…

Justin was struggling with two canvases and his messenger bag as he entered the fine arts main complex.  Just as he managed to get through the door his cell rang. 

“Shit.”  He spat as he managed to prop his work against the wall before answering.

“What?”  He answered as he surveyed the paintings for any damage. 

“Ah Justin, charming as usual.”  Steve replied.  Justin set his jaw at the sound of the older man’s voice. 

“What do you want Steve?”  Justin demanded. “I’m busy.” 

“Is that anyway to speak to your employer?”  Steve warned. 

“You aren’t my employer. I work for Instyle and your firm is contracting with my employer.”  Justin corrected, willing to argue semantics if necessary. 

“About that…” Steve led.  “Apparently we’ve discovered some local talent that is highly qualified therefore we won’t be farming out this particular project after all.”   Justin was quiet for a moment as he considered what Steve was saying. 

“Does Brian know—“  Justin began.

“Brian requested that I rescind this offer.”  Steve assured the young man.  “I’m sure you understand—“

“No I don’t.” Justin admitted. 

“Well that’s beside the point.  He no doubt had better things to do than to hold your hand.  I would think you had outgrown that sort of thing.”  Steve condescended.  

“Are you really this threatened by me Steve?” Justin smiled, finally seeing through some of the bluff to the truth. 

“Don’t be ridiculous—“

“Oh Steve, I’m not the one being ridiculous here.  You have a nice evening and tell Brian I’ll call him later.”  Justin disconnected.  “Fucker.”  He spat as he closed his phone.  He realized then that his hand was shaking.  He felt a wave of emotion roll through him.  Why would Brian have Steve call?  Surely he knew how much Justin despised the man.  

“Mr. Taylor?” Justin glanced up noticing a man in his mid-fifties standing the middle of the hallway.  

“Mr. Reynolds?” Justin asked timidly hoping that the man hadn’t overheard his conversation with Steve.  After all Ken Reynolds was a renowned artist as well as a highly respected critic, Justin had been thrilled when finally after months of requests the man had agreed to evaluate and discuss some of his work.  The last thing he wanted was get off on the wrong foot with him.

“Yes,” The man smiled revealing a wide perfect smile as he approached, hand extended.  Justin accepted the man’s hand giving it a firm shake.   “And these are the two paintings you would like me to evaluate?”  The man motioned to the canvasses leaning against the wall. 

“Yes, I had to take a call. I’m sorry I was delayed.”  Justin excused.  The man waved him off as he squatted down in front of the first work.  After a moment he picked it up and moved into a better light.  

“Grab the other, let’s take these into the studio so I can see them in an appropriate light.”  The man headed down the hall pausing only long enough for Justin to grab the other work and follow.  

Once they arrived in the studio Justin found himself relaxing in a way he hadn’t managed in months.  He found his senses absorbing the easels, the smell of acrylics and paint thinner.  There were smudges of charcoal and discarded sketch pads stacked in the far corner.  He glanced over and met Professor Reynolds’ knowing gaze. 

“Why haven’t I met you before now?”  The man asked, nodding toward the canvas. “This speaks to the talent you possess.  Why are you in the business department?”  

“Father knows best.”  Justin offered softly then rolled his lips into his mouth.  He found his hands aching to feel the clay that lay on the sculpting center.  

“Fathers.” Reynolds shook his head in disgust.  “Don’t always know best and sometimes what they don’t know won’t hurt them or their sons.”   The man continued to survey Justin’s work.  “Very promising, the emotion is palpable.  Are you always this angry?”  He smiled one eyebrow raised.  Justin laughed and the older man joined him.  

“Not always but that one was painted after a painful break up with the man of my dreams.”  Justin ran a finger up the side of the canvas.  

“Don’t you mean the man you thought was the man of your dreams?”  The older man asked, his eyes never leaving the canvas. 

“No, he’s the man of my dreams.  I’m just not the man of his.” Feeling over exposed as well as confused over the surprising admission, Justin cleared his throat and picked up the other canvas from the table and brought it to Reynolds.  

“Oh, peace.”  They exchanged a smile as Reynolds exchanged the first painting for the second.  He appraised it for a long moment.  “This one came after?”  He asked.  Justin shook his head.  “Ah, before the break up.”  Justin nodded.  “Well, no matter.  They are both very good.  What are you working on at the moment?” 

“A peanut butter ad.”  Justin announced causing the man to laugh in response.  “Are you serious?” The man sobered when Justin didn’t join him.  

“I work for Instyle.”  Justin further explained. 

“Yes, for Tyler Stanford, right?”  Dr. Reynolds smiled. 

“You know Tyler?” Justin asked in surprise.

“We are old friends.”  Reynolds announced as he turned his attention back on the piece.  Justin furrowed his brow.  He hated the sudden suspicion edging up his spine.   He didn’t want to ask but something told him he had to find out before he allowed his hopes to go any higher. 

“Dr. Reynolds, did Tyler ask you to look at my work?”  Justin asked bracing himself for the other man’s reply.  The professor turned offering the smile he’d shared earlier.

“Of course he did.  He thinks you are very talented and was hoping that I could convince you to pursue a more artistic field than your current degree plan.”  The man moved to another area of light as he continued examining Justin’s work, unaware of the impact his words upon the artist. 

…

Kevin Daily cursed softly as he finished packing the last of the contents of his cubicle.  He looked up meeting Cynthia’s smirk as he removed his name badge and tossed it into the closest trash bin.  

“I’ll need your code card as well.”  Cynthia extended her hand clearly enjoying this part of her job.

“You don’t have to be a bitch about this.”  Kevin glared as he smacked his code card into the woman’s palm.  

“Oh I think I do.”  Cynthia grinned.  “You see people like you make me sick.  I hate ladder climbing little sluts who think they are going to fuck their way up the chain of command.  You think you’re so smart using your assets to leap frog over more qualified people.  Well, life doesn’t always work out the way our schemes and fantasies promised.”  She hissed.  

“He’s gay.”  Kevin deadpanned.  “I know you are in love with him but he’s gay.”  

“What are you insinuating?”  Cynthia demanded.  

“Insinuating?  Really honey, are you that naïve?  The whole place knows you have it for him in a bad way.  You followed him here from Pittsburgh.  You are far too smart and experienced to remain his assistant, yet you keep doing it.  You shoot daggers at Steve every time he comes near.” Kevin shook his head offering mock pity. “You got it bad for Kinney, but unless you have a dick hidden in that skirt, you will never measure up.”  Kevin quipped offering her a knowing wink then turned to follow the security guard who had been assigned to escort him from the building.   

Cynthia steamed as she watched Kevin disappear around the last row of cubicles.  

“He’s delusional.”  Brian’s voice startled her as she spun around to find her boss leaning against the now vacant cubicle.  

“Completely.”  She smiled, grateful for Brian’s typical grace in an awkward moment.  “We both know that the reason I stare daggers at Steve is out of loyalty to Justin.”  She confessed.  Brian wasn’t surprised though they’d never officially discussed it. He knew where Cynthia stood on the subject of his ex. She’d remained quiet but obviously disapproved of the way things had ended between he and the blond.  

“Justin seems to be fine.”  Brian offered hoping to end the conflict. 

“Really? Well good for Justin, but what about you?” She asked her eyes narrowing as she met Brian’s dark gaze.  

“I’m good.”  He offered unconvincingly. 

“Liar.”  She smiled as he smacked him slightly on the arm.  “Why not just go ahead and pull the plug, Boss.”  She offered.  “No one’s buying this new domesticated, more mature Brian.”  She smirked.  “Personally, I miss the fuck ‘em and leave ‘em Brian.  The one who suddenly started coming into the office five years ago with a silly grin on his face, looking fabulous but totally fucked out and miraculously managed to always accept personal calls as long as they were from some guy named Justin.”  Brian remained silent as a small smile curled his lips.  Had it been five years ago?  He realized that it had.  Those early years with Justin had been exciting and frightening, never before had anyone gotten under his skin or repeatedly in his bed before that wide eyed, up for anything seventeen year old.   

“See?”  Cynthia continued, “I haven’t seen that look in your eyes for almost a year.”  She sighed.  “It’s so obvious Brian.  Why can’t you see it?”  

“Steve is expecting me at home.  He’s cooking.” Brian pushed off the doorway planting a soft kiss on Cynthia’s cheek before moving past her toward the exit.  She watched him follow the same path that Kevin had just walked.  Two men aware of what they want, but clueless as to how to get it. 

….

Tyler paced in the living room waiting for Justin.  He had thought about calling Ken Reynolds to find out how things had gone but decided against it.  He knew Justin was talented.  It would mean more hearing about their meeting from the blond himself.  By the time Tyler spotted Justin’s headlights coming down their road, he had already reorganized his closet, straightened the pantry, and started a load of whites.

Tyler moved to the porch forcing himself to appear calm as he waited anxiously to hear what Ken Reynolds had said concerning Justin’s work.  He watched as Justin opened the driver’s side door then pulled two paintings from the trunk of his car.  

“Hey!” Tyler called unable to wait another minute.  Justin didn’t respond as he walked slowly up the front walk and onto the porch.  Tyler narrowed his eyes, this was not what he had expected.“What time is your flight tomorrow?”  He asked wondering if he should avoid asking about the meeting with Reynolds.  Justin handed over one of the paintings then moved past the older man into their home.  Tyler was concerned by Justin’s demeanor.  He couldn’t remember the last time he’d been this down. 

“Justin?”  He called as he watched the young man heading upstairs to their bedroom.  Justin stopped on the stairs taking a deep breath before turning to face his lover.  

“Why?” The blond asked catching the older man off guard.  

“Why what?” Tyler asked laying the second canvas on the counter where Justin had placed the first.  

“Why did you do that to me? Why set me up that way?  Did you think I wouldn’t find out?”  Tyler worried his bottom lip for a moment as he realized what Justin was referring to. 

“I just asked him to—“

“Don’t explain.  I don’t want to know.”  Justin gave the older man a weary look then continued up the stairs.  Tyler waited for a moment debating what to do next.  Finally, he decided to follow the blond.

“Justin?”  He called as he reached the top of the stairs.  

“Don’t.”  Justin repeated.

“I just wanted you to know that I thought it would help.  You’re so talented.  You’re wasting your time with that stupid business degree.  I thought Ken could encourage—“

“Thanks for respecting my wishes.”  Justin appeared through the bathroom door, loose blue pajama bottoms low on his hips.  

“Look, I was just trying to help.”  Tyler defended. “I knew that you had been trying to get Reynolds to look at your stuff. I thought I might be able to help.”

“Whatever.”  Justin sighed as he pulled a blanket over his shoulder and turned his back to the other man.  

”Whatever?”  Tyler fumed. “Whatever?”  He asked again this time obviously angry. 

“Don’t.”  Justin warned again, his voice muffled by the blanket. 

“Don’t what? Care? Try to help you? What is it that you don’t want me to do?”  Tyler demanded.  Justin sat up at that and tossed the blanket away from his body.  Shooting up to his feet he stormed toward the man until they were standing toe to toe.  

“Don’t interfere.  Don’t set me up.  Don’t make me feel like some kind of fucking charity case.  Don’t assume you know what’s best for me.  And don’t you ever fucking deceive me again or I will pack my shit so fast and get out of your life that your fucking head will spin.”  Justin turned and moved back to the bed where he returned to his previous position.  Tyler was stunned.  He tried to say something but was too shocked to even know where to start.  

“I was just trying to help.”  He finally managed. 

“Good job.”  Justin threw over his shoulder.  Tyler stood staring at the outline of his lover hidden beneath the heavy quilt.  No, this was not what Tyler had expected.  He’d expected bright blue eyes and exciting possibilities.  He’d expected wonderful exuberant fucking transitioning into slow passionate sex throughout the night.  

“Justin.”  He whispered.  

”Don’t.” Justin once more warned and this time Tyler heeded that warning as he grabbed a pillow and headed downstairs to the couch.   The day had started with a fight and now was ending the same way.  This was not what Tyler had expected.  He’d forgotten about this side of being in a relationship and quite frankly found himself wondering if what they shared was worth it. 

…

“That was wonderful.”  Steve pronounced as he pulled Brian down into a deep kiss.  Brian shut out all the other thoughts that were still racing through his mind and focused on the lips beneath his own.  As he pulled back it was Justin’s smile shining up at him.  

“Let’s do it again, this time on the table.”  The blond laughed.

“I need some time to recover.”  Brian replied with a smirk.  

“What?”  Brian shook his head in confusion as he found Steve staring up at him.  

“I said I need to recover.  That was really something.”  He covered as he moved off of his partner removing the condom and tossing it into the trash.  

“I was tested today.  We will know in a few days and then in six months we can stop using those damn things.”  Steve waved his hand indicating the condoms.  Brian glanced over and was surprised to find Justin once more laying in bed next to him.

“What does it feel like to fuck someone without a condom?  Will we ever bareback?”  He asked.

“Doubtful.”  Brian reached over, lovingly cupping the other man’s face.  When he pulled his hand back he found Steve considering with confusion.

“Why wouldn’t we get rid of them?”  He questioned.

“What?” Brian was confused by more than merely his lover’s question.  Why was Justin suddenly in his bed? Was he losing his mind?  Brian pushed off the mattress and headed into the living room to grab a drink.  

“It’s late are you sure…” Steve’s voice faded as Brian picked up speed.  He needed a drink, now.  “So how did Kevin take the news?” Steve’s voice was louder now as he entered the living room.  He gave Brian’s double whiskey a disapproving look as he grabbed a bottle of tonic for himself.  

“As you would have expected.”  Brian smirked.  “What did you tell Justin?”  

”I merely told him that we wouldn’t be using Instyle on this one.”  Steve sipped from the bottle.  Brian considered the older man for a moment.  Steve met his gaze.  “He can be quite the little prick when he wants to be, can’t he?”  Brian smirked.  

“Yep.”  He knew it was true but it made him feel proud, instead of disappointed in the blond.  Justin had always had a strong sense of who he was and what his boundaries were with other people.  Steve had no doubt pushed those boundaries today and Justin had deported the older man.  

“You seem to be enjoying the fact that he was rude to me.”  Steve observed. 

“I’m sure you’ll recover.  I’m also sure you gave as good as you received.”  Brian sipped his drink as he moved to the windows.  These were the times when he missed his loft the most.  He loved standing in front of his windows with a drink and a cigarette watching the city below him.  Steve couldn’t tolerate smoking in their home.  Brian had complied out of respect but at that moment he would have given a million dollars for a smoke.  

“Yes, well, he’s still far too infatuated with you.  It’s better for him that you leave him alone.  He seems better suited for Stanford.”  Steve observed as he joined Brian at the windows.  

”Why would you think that?  What do you know about Tyler Stanford?”  Brian finished his drink in a gulp.

“I know he’s a good man.  He stood by Peter’s ex, whatever his name was, after they broke up.  He seems to genuinely care for Justin.”  Steve ran a hand up Brian’s back then back down, resting it on the curve of his ass.  

“You said Justin needed someone his own age.”  Brian argued.  “Stanford is close to my age.” 

“Well, I guess I was wrong.” Steve easily dismissed. “Maybe it isn’t an age thing after all.”  

“He needs someone my age, just not me.”  Brian offered. 

“Exactly, because you are taken, and I’m about to take you back into that bedroom and give you as good as I got.” Steve laughed softly then kissed the younger man. Reaching out he took Brian’s hand and started to pull him away from the windows but Brian resisted. 

“I’m good.”  He pulled his hand free.  “Go on to bed.  I’ll be there later.  I have some things I need to think about.”  He continued to stare out at the night never noticing when Steve finally gave up and returned to their bed alone. 

…

“Are we okay?”  Tyler asked, causing Justin to look up from the board he was working on. 

“No.”  Justin glanced around the art department before responding.  Everyone else had gone home for the night.  Tyler moved toward the drafting table trying to decide how to reconcile with the blond.  He understood why Justin was upset but at the same time realized that even though his methods had been lacking, having Reynolds look at Justin’s work was a good decision.  

“Justin,”  Tyler stopped a few feet from the blond. “Sometimes the end justifies the means.”   Justin remained silent.  Tyler sighed then ran a hand over his face.  This was the part of being with a younger man that infuriated him the most.  How was he ever going to get the man to see his point of view?  Also, he felt a time factor was in play.  The last thing he wanted was to ship Justin off to New York with some rift between them.  “Look,” Tyler stepped forward again  “I’m sorry, okay?  I don’t want you going off to New York with this standing between us.”  He admitted.

“I’m not going.”  Justin stepped back to examine the work he had just completed.  

“What?”  Tyler was surprised.

“Steve called yesterday.  They have decided to use someone else.”  Justin glanced in Tyler’s direction then back to his work.  Tyler watched the younger man closely for a moment. 

“Is that why you are so upset?  Because you won’t be seeing Brian?”  Tyler challenged.  Justin bit his lip to keep from lashing out.  He counted silently to ten before responding 

“No, I’m upset because you deceived me.”  Justin spoke in a calm even tone.  

“Stop working on that and talk to me.  Surely this is more important.”  Tyler spat in frustration.  Justin stood, placing the graphic aside.  He braced himself on the drafting table and leveled an expectant gaze at the older man. 

“Did you just apologize because you are sorry for what you did or because you didn’t want me to go anywhere near Brian while I was upset with you?” Justin asked then added, “Be careful how you respond, I want the truth.”  His final words pulled Tyler up short.  He considered them then shrugged.  

“Both I guess.”  

“You guess?  You don’t know why you apologized?”  Justin challenged.  Tyler sighed. 

“You really know how to convince a guy not to help you.” He flippantly replied.  

“I don’t want your help.”  Justin admitted.

“You took Kinney’s help.  Hell, you had him paying for your education.”  He shot.

“This has nothing to do—“

“Whatever.”  Tyler tossed out. Justin glanced away realizing Tyler was using his own words against him. 

“You really don’t get this do you?”  Justin leaned on one hip as he studied the other man.  “Brian deceived me.  I felt lost and vulnerable when he left.  My life,”  He shook his head, struggling to explain, “I was so dependent on him for everything.  I never want to be in that situation again.  I don’t want to feel like I owe you, like I owe anyone.”  Tyler nodded as he moved closer to the blond. 

“Do you think I would treat you so callously?  Do you think I’d throw you out of my life like that?”  He reached for the blond.  Justin allowed the older man to pull him into his arms.  “I could never hurt you like that.  You have to trust me, Justin.  I thought we had gotten past this when you decided to move in with me.”  He admitted.  

“I did too, but then yesterday when I put it together at Professor Reynolds’ studio I felt manipulated.  It felt like you were trying to play my parent or something.”  Justin offered.  “For all of his faults, and there were  several, Brian always let me make my own decisions.  A few had disastrous results but they were mine and I found a way out of them.”  Justin explained.  “I have to find my own way Tyler.  This is my life let me live it.”  There was a pleading note to his voice that struck Tyler to the core of his being.  

“I’m sorry.” The words sounded sincere now to both of their ears.  Justin nodded.  

“Accepted.”  The blond declared.  

“Is this where we kiss and make up?” Tyler smirked as he pulled the blond closer. 

“I don’t think so.”  He pulled back surprising the other man.  Tyler relented allowing Justin to slip from his embrace.  “I need some time.”

“But you said—“

“I forgive you. I accepted your apology, but that doesn’t mean that everything is suddenly okay.”  Justin admitted.  It was hard not to give in to Tyler.  It was obvious that he regretted interfering but something about the orchestration of the previous days encounter was still disturbing the younger man.  He realized that Tyler was right, he didn’t trust him.  Just when he thought he’d gotten past some of the hurt from his break up with Brian, something like this had to happen.  Justin found himself struggling once more with feelings of resentment toward Steve and Brian.  

“What now?” Tyler asked, clearly exasperated. 

“I’m not sure.”  Justin nervously picked at the board he’d been working on. “I need some time to sort through my feelings I guess.”

“You’re never going to get over him, are you?” Tyler resigned.  Justin remained silent.  He didn’t have an answer because, for the first time since he’d opened that pantry door, he was starting to wonder the same thing. 

…

 Brian woke early and was at the office before anyone else.  He needed some space and had decided that the only way he was going to get a sense of direction was to head some place familiar.  

“What are you doing in this early?” Cynthia asked as she popped her head in Brian’s door.

“I have a flight in three hours.” He offered without looking up.  “I’ve emailed Zach the information on Brown Athletics, postponed my meetings that were scheduled for the rest of the week, the ones I couldn’t postpone I’ve sent the schedule to Steve.”  Picking up two folders he moved to the door.  “These contracts go out today.  These are the proofs that go back to Zach.”  Cynthia accepted the folders.  

“What time did you come in?”  She raised one eyebrow.  

“You can reach me on my cell.”  Brian ignored her question.  “I’ll only answer if it is you, so don’t give out that number to anyone else.”  She nodded.  

“Can I ask where you are going?”  She called as he punched the elevator button.

“Home.” He smiled as the doors closed and he descended down to street level.  

Cynthia placed the folders on her desk.  The office would begin to fill up soon and she wanted to get a couple of personal emails out of the way before she got busy. 

Opening her mail she surveyed the tasks left from the previous day.  Her eyes immediately landed on the flight confirmation from the company’s travel agency.  Clicking twice her smile broadened as she realized Brian was flying back to Pittsburgh.  

“It’s about time.”  She whispered. 

“Cynthia, have you seen Brian?  He was already up and gone when I woke this morning.”  Steve’s voice startled the young woman.  She caught herself before spilling the beans.  

”He was just here.  He handed me these folders then said he was going home.”  She offered sweetly. 

“I must have just missed him.”  Steve commented as he sorted through a stack of messages he’d just picked up from her desk.  “Justin called?”  He looked from the message to Cynthia meeting her gaze. 

“Yes, there was a message late last night. I checked them right before I left.”  She offered.  She watched as Steve crumpled the paper and tossed it in the trash.  She set her jaw wondering how many other messages Steve filtered from Brian’s notice.  “Tell Brian to come by my office when he comes back in.”  He offered, “If Justin calls again, put it through to me.”  He turned and headed for his office.  Cynthia smirked.

“Yes, Sir.”  She turned back to her computer deleting the travel confirmation.  If Brian wanted his partner to know his destination then he would have told the man.  Steve Brenner would get nothing from her. 

…

“Hey.” Brian’s voice was like air after the long silent night Justin had shared with Tyler.  Neither man had spoken more than five words since their conversation in the art department at Instyle.  “You called me?”  Brian continued.  He had also surveyed the stack of messages on Cynthia’s desk before leaving the office.  

“Yeah, but now is not a good time.” Justin offered softly as Tyler entered the kitchen.  

“Is that Kinney?” Tyler accused.  Justin covered the phone.

“Don’t.”  He warned.

“I’m getting a little sick of that word.”  Tyler mumbled as he reached for the coffee pot.  

“I’ll call you later.”  Justin rushed then disconnected leaving Brian confused and concerned.  Justin had sounded distant and down.  He forced himself not to redial.  Justin would call later, he trusted the blond.  

“Want to tell me what that is about?”  Tyler asked taking a long sip of his coffee in order to brace himself for Justin’s explanation.

“Steve called to cancel the job.  He said Brian told him to, but I don’t believe it.  I just want to hear an explanation as to why Brian had Steve do it—“

“Given your intense dislike for the man?”  Tyler finished Justin’s thought. 

“Something like that.” Justin picked up his cup once more and took a gulp.  He hadn’t slept worth a damn the night before and was depending on the coffee to get him through his morning classes  

“Or is this just a convenient excuse to contact Brian?”  Tyler challenged.  Justin ground his teeth for a moment.  

”I am not doing this with you.”  He offered fiercely. 

“Doing what? Being honest? I thought honesty was what you wanted.”  Tyler argued.

“You are just looking for a fight.”  Justin sat his cup in the sink.  “Are you giving me a ride today or not?”  

“I thought you hate waiting for me.” Tyler continued his acidic assault.

“I do.”  Justin stated, “But I don’t mind it enough to justify taking another car.”  

“Fine.”  Tyler placed his cup in the sink with Justin’s.  “Let’s go.”  Tyler grabbed his laptop as he headed out.  Justin watched him go, feeling somewhat responsible for the man’s hateful demeanor.  He kicked himself as he walked to the car.  Why was he feeling responsible?  Tyler was the one who had started this argument by trying to manipulate Justin into changing majors, but why?  Why hadn’t he just leveled with Justin about knowing Reynolds from the beginning?  It didn’t make sense.

“Why?”  Justin asked once they were on the highway.  

“Why what?” Tyler asked eyes on the road.

“Why didn’t you just tell me?”  Justin glanced out the window then focused on the man’s profile.  Tyler worried his lip then rolled them in and out.  Justin was perplexed by the man’s hesitation.  “Well?”  He pressed.

“Because I thought you might feel uncomfortable if you knew.”  Tyler offered weakly. 

“Knew what?” Justin asked eyes narrowed.  Tyler exhaled then glanced over before focusing once more on the road stretching out in front of them. 

“That Ken Reynolds and I had once been involved.”  Tyler shrugged, hazarding a glance in Justin’s direction. 

“You were his lover?”  Justin asked disbelieving.  

“Yeah, while I was a student.  It ended badly.” He added.  

“What happened?”  Justin asked strangely curious.  Reynolds didn’t seem Tyler’s type at all.   Tyler sighed again. 

“I was different then.”  Tyler clarified.

”Tell me.”  Justin implored. Tyler bit the inside of his cheek.  This was not a good thing.  

“I needed a grade, so I thought I might play up to him a bit.   He was gay.  I was gay.  I was young and good looking, he was in his forties.”  Tyler shrugged. 

“You used him to get a grade?”  Justin’s voice rose.  Tyler couldn’t tell if it was filled with disgust or wonder.  He nodded. 

“Pretty shitty huh?”  Tyler asked clearly uncomfortable.  “We’re friends now but it took time to get to this point.” 

“I bet.”  Justin agreed.  “Did you break his heart?”

“He got what he wanted.”  Tyler offered avoiding the question.  

“Doesn’t sound like it.   Sounds like he got fucked in everyway he could imagine.”  Justin felt sorry for the man. After all, Ken Reynolds had struck Justin as not only good looking but also kind and supportive.  

“I don’t want to talk about it.”  Tyler admitted. 

“Why didn’t you tell me all of this?”  Justin continued.

“I thought it might change how you see me.” Tyler offered.  “I don’t use people anymore.”  He declared.  

“Was he with someone?”  Something about the way Tyler was acting continued to nag at the blond.  

”What?” Tyler feigned ignorance of the question. 

“I asked if Ken was with someone when you decided to seduce him.”  Justin clarified.  Tyler nodded silently.  Justin looked away for a long moment.

”Tell me.”  Justin braced himself. 

“He was living with a grad student.  They’d been together for some time.  I needed the grade.  I didn’t give a shit about their relationship.  The guy left Reynolds.”  Tyler confessed.

“That sucks.”  Justin announced. 

“Yeah it did.  What was worse was that Ken wanted more, I didn’t.  I moved on and his lover moved out.  I got my grade. Ken got the shaft.”  Tyler mumbled sadly.  “I was a shit.” Tyler glanced over meeting Justin’s gaze then turned his attention back to the road. “See? You learn something new everyday.”  Justin nodded taken aback by the news.  He would never have thought Tyler capable of anything like that. “How about you?  Any terrible secrets you want to share?” Tyler was ready to shift the attention away from his past.

“I cheated on Brian.”  Justin confessed. It was his turn to shock the other man.  

“When?”  Tyler asked clearly intrigued.  

“During our second year together, it was actually on my birthday that it started.”  He admitted. “I met this musician and he offered all the things that I thought I wanted.  In the end it was a huge mistake.  I hurt Brian, I hurt myself all for nothing.”  He stared out the window.  

“What do you think it is that makes us do things like that?”  Tyler ventured.

“Wanting what we don’t have.”  Justin suggested. 

“Yeah, but the stupid part is that once we get it, we realize it isn’t what we wanted, not really.”  Tyler offered. 

“I guess.”  Justin wasn’t as sure.  

“Well, look at Brian.”  Tyler continued.

“What about Brian?”  Justin asked feeling defensive.

“He wants you back.” Tyler clarified incredulously.

“He doesn’t want me back.”  Justin replied.  “He chose Steve twice over me.  I’m not that naïve to believe that if we were to try again that he wouldn’t find his way back to Steve.  Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice shame on me.  Fool me three times and test my IQ; I would have to be a fucking idiot.”  Tyler remained silent for a long moment considering the blond’s words.  He hated the distance between them.  The last twenty-four hours had been the hardest of their relationship.  He wasn’t sure why things had suddenly gone south but he was desperate to change the direction. 

“Justin, I don’t want to fight with you.  I’m sorry for what happened.  I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about Ken.  Let’s put it behind us, what do you say?” His voice was soft with sincerity as he pulled up at the campus.  Justin nodded then leaned over kissing the man lightly on the lips.   “I don’t want to lose you.” Tyler offered as Justin pulled away.  Justin met his gaze for a moment before nodding.  What could he say?  He’d spent the night realizing he wasn’t over Brian, possibly would never be over Brian.  It felt unfair to keep this information from Tyler especially after his ethics sermon last night concerning Tyler’s deception.  

Justin reluctantly left the car.  He knew there was more that they needed to discuss but Justin knew he needed more time to sort out his feelings.    

He waved as the car pulled away.  Glancing around Justin noticed all the students rushing past him on their way to class.  He wondered for a moment how he could be immersed in people and get feel so utterly alone. 

….

“So why are you really here?”  Michael asked as he stocked the latest Rage comic in the display stand.  Brian grabbed an issue and began perusing it.  He was glad to see that Justin and Michael were still working together.  For some reason he’d thought that all of that would stop now that he and Justin were no longer together.  

“I told you.  I missed you.”  Brian repeated, his eyes focusing on images of J.T with another character.  “Since when does JT fuck someone besides Rage?”

“Since Rage cheated on J.T. and broke his heart.”  Michael groused.  “Does Steve know you are here?”  Brian rolled his lips into his mouth then pushed off of the counter surveying the store.  Michael stood watching his friend.  He had his answer. “So, is it over?”  He continued.

“Over?  Now Mikey, don’t sound so melodramatic?” Brian teased as he tossed the issue of Rage back on the counter.  “Let’s hit the baths.”  He suggested.

“I don’t do that anymore.  I’m married, remember?”  Michael laughed.  

“Well, then let’s go see a movie in that old theater down on—“

“They tore it down.”  Michael reminded him. 

“Well what the fuck did I used to do when I lived here?” Brian spat. 

“I spent most of my time with Ben while you spend all of your time chasing a certain blond.”  Michael teased.  “Then he followed you to New York and you decided you could do better.”  

”Fuck you Mikey.”  Brian growled. “I didn’t come here to have you rub my nose in the past.  I know what I did.  It was shitty. I was an asshole to Justin.  He deserved better.  He got better.  He’s happy.  Alls well that ends well.” 

”You think he’s happy?”  Michael argued.  “Bullshit!  I’ve seen him.  He isn’t happy.  He’s going through the motions of being happy, just like you did when he ran off with the fiddler.  He has a boyfriend, he is getting his degree, he has a job, he calls his mother, he functions but have you seen any of his art since you broke up?  The last set of graphics for the comic had to be redrawn three times.  Three times!” Michael emphasized.  “That’s never happened.”  Brian furrowed his brow.  

“What do you want me to do?”  Brian asked, leaning wearily against the counter.  He hated thinking that Justin wasn’t happy and yet a part of him was relieved to hear that it might be true.  

”Nothing.  You can’t fix it.  Just realize it is what it is.  He’s still hurting.  He’s still struggling to convince everyone including himself that he can get over you.”  Michael opened the register and placed some checks under the drawer.  “Let’s get some lunch.”  

”Okay.”  Brian offered no resistance.  He picked up the issue of Rage that he’d tossed aside earlier. He stuffed it into his pocket as he opened the door of the comic store ushering his best friend out onto Liberty Avenue. 

…

“Ken?”  Tyler stood in the doorway of the man’s office.  Ken Reynolds glanced up, smiling as he dismissed the student he’d been helping.  

“Tyler.”  He rose from his desk, meeting the man half way.  They embraced.  Tyler felt a moment of sexual tension spark between them as he pulled away.  The old fire was still there just as he had suspected it might be.  “What brings you to my door?”  Ken asked gesturing to a nearby chair.  

“Justin knows.”  Tyler replied flatly.  

“Knows?”  Ken seemed confused. 

“He knows I asked you to look at his work.  He knows about our history.”  Tyler clarified. 

“Well I told him about your request, but he didn’t learn anymore of our past from me.”  Ken offered smiling. 

“No, I told him today.  He didn’t appreciate my interfering with his future plans.”  Tyler shrugged, seeming as confused now as he had been during last night’s argument.

“He strikes me as a very independent young man.  He’s talented too.  He’s being wasted with a business degree.”  Ken surmised.  

“I know but kids, what’s a parent to do?”  Tyler laughed and Ken joined him.  

“He is young.”  Ken observed, giving the man a meaningful look.

“No younger than I was when I came to you.”  Tyler replied. 

“Yes, and no more sure of what he really wants than you were.”  Ken concluded.

“Meaning?” Tyler raised one brow. 

”Meaning from the look of the two works he brought last night, he’s still very much attached to his last lover.”  Ken pressed his lips together watching Tyler’s reaction.  

“He was hurt, badly.  It will take time.”  Ken nodded but seemed unconvinced. “You disagree?”  Tyler pressed.

“Yes, I disagree.”  Ken stated matter-of-factly. “But who am I to argue? He isn’t my lover.”  

“No, he isn’t.”  Tyler agreed.  “But..” He trailed off uncertainly. 

“You have your doubts as well.”  Ken finished his thought. 

“Yes,” Tyler sighed, “I do.” 

”Are you living together?”  Ken ventured. 

“Yes.”  Tyler replied watching the older man closely for any reaction.  

“Working together?”  Ken continued, remembering Justin’s comment about the peanut butter ad from the previous day.  

”Yes.”  Tyler was starting to feel as though Ken was leading him somewhere he couldn’t see.

“You’re trying to help his art career? Trying to help him find the most successful path?” Ken persisted.

“Fuck Ken, just saying it.  Whatever the fuck you are trying to insinuate, just say it.”  Tyler’s exasperation struck the other man who laughed in response.  

”You can’t be all things to him and think it will be enough.  You’re making a huge mistake.  I know this because I’ve made it myself.  I’m sure you remember.”  Tyler looked away.  

”There’s no comparison.”  Tyler argued.

”Of course there is.”  Ken debated.  “An older man trying to convince a younger one that he is the man of his dreams.”  

“He loves me.”  Tyler replied, his tone brooking no argument.

“He loves the other one.  He might be infatuated with you, he might even care for you a great deal, but the other man is the one he dreams about.  He told him that himself last night.”  Ken took no joy in disclosing what he’d learned.  He watched sadly as his words washed over Tyler. 

“He told you that?”  Tyler asked clearly taken aback.

“Yes.” Ken nodded.  “He had no idea it would get back to you.  It was a moment of weakness.  He immediate retreated behind that tall thick wall he’s erected.  You know he’ll never reach his potential as an artist while that monstrosity remains in place.  An artist must commune with the creation in order to, in turn, play creator.”  

“Spare me.”  Tyler rolled his eyes, obviously still struggling with Justin’s remarks. 

“I wish I could Tyler.  You know I would never knowingly cause you any harm.  You are far too precious to me for that.”  Ken leaned forward, compassion and love shining in his eyes. 

“Why are you always so good to me?” Tyler asked perplexed. “After all I did to you and Darius.”  

“Darius.”  Ken leaned back smiling.  “Now that is a name I have not thought about in years.”  

“Really.”  Tyler furrowed his brow.  

“Yes, really.”  Ken nodded convinced.  

“Why would that be?  I thought all of us were destined to pursue our lost loves for a lifetime.”  Tyler offered pinching the bridge of his nose where a headache was building. 

“Darius wasn’t the love of my life.”  Ken replied easily.  “You are.” 

Tyler met the man’s gaze shocked to find no mirth, only sincerity smiling back at him. 

…