Lois, thank you for the beta...you are the greatest!
Chapter 2- Session 1, Part 1 Tuesday Late Afternoon…(Day 16) Melanie and Lindsay were nervously waiting for their appointment with Elizabeth Bradshaw. Lindsay was mindlessly flipping through magazines, while Melanie was content to simply stare off into space. Elizabeth finally opened her office door and asked them to come in. There were several chairs scattered about the room, Melanie and Lindsay chose two that were close together. They reached over to touch one another before things got started. “Melanie, Lindsay you both called and asked to see me, what can I do for you?” Elizabeth asked with a smile, paying close attention to the body language between the two women. “We seem to be having some problems, and we don’t know what to do about them.” Melanie explained. “What kind of problems?” Elizabeth asked. “In general, I seem angry all the time, and Lindsay seems to be in a constant state of longing,” Melanie stated. “You haven’t said anything Lindsay. Is that how you see things?” Elizabeth asked. “Once we were happy. We don’t seem happy anymore. I look around at our friends, and they seem to have it all. But genuine closeness between Melanie and me is missing. The reality I’m living, doesn’t match the dreams I once had,” Lindsay explained. “So why come to me, why not simply go your separate ways. Why not find try to find happiness with someone else?” Elizabeth asked gently. “Because we still want to be together. We still love each other,” Lindsay strongly insisted. “Is that how you feel, Melanie,” Elizabeth asked. “We just want to get our lives back on the right track. We were happy once. I want us to be again,” Melanie explained. “Of course, you both realize that it may not be possible to get back to what you once had. You may never be able to get your relationship back to the way it once was,” Elizabeth pointed out. Both Melanie and Lindsay were shocked by this suggestion. They both started to protest. “Listen, I’m not being cruel here. You have been together since your early twenties. You’re now in your thirties. You’ve grown older. You’ve had life experiences. You have children. You have careers. All I’m saying is that things change over time. Sometimes the relationship can’t withstand the individual changes that partners’ experience. Sometimes it’s simply best to remain loving friends and move on.” Elizabeth continued. “We have two children who need us. We also have to make this work for their sakes,” Lindsay protested. “Staying together for the sake of the children, isn’t good for the children and becomes a prison sentence for the people involved. You might want to consider that.” Elizabeth responded. “I understand what you’re saying. We’ve had problems before and separated. We do know that whatever happens, we’ll always love and care for our children. That has never been an issue between us. It’s just that every time we’ve separated, we’ve always managed somehow to work our way back to each other… because being together has always been where we ultimately wanted to be.” Melanie explained. “We’re here to figure out how to be together better. We’re not even thinking about separating this time.” “All right. So with all that said, what do you two want from me? You’re both living in Canada, where I’m sure they have excellent counselors. Why come all the way back to Pittsburgh to see me? Don’t get me wrong, I’m truly honored, I just don’t know how I can help you,” Elizabeth stated firmly. “Look Elizabeth, we’ll be in town until the weekend. We still live in Toronto. We can easily come to Pittsburgh once a month without arousing questions, because our son and daughter each need to spend time with their fathers. We aren’t looking for a quick fix. We really want to work on us, on our relationship. We’ll do whatever it takes. We’re committed to this,” Melanie defined. Lindsay nodded her head in agreement. “Elizabeth, we’re still trying to figure out what to do next. Do we stay in Toronto? Do we move back to Pittsburgh? Is it even possible? There’s so much uncertainty that we’re a bit overwhelmed. So much new stuff came up for us over the weekend that we both got scared. So I guess in a panic, we each called you for help,” Lindsay explained. “Knowing when to call for help is a good sign. So at least we have good starting point,” Elizabeth commented with a smile. “You two usually wait until things are at some of crisis stage before you call me. So this is really a good start! Also, usually one of you tends to drag the other one in here to see me, kicking and screaming and resisting. So the fact that the two of you have both decided that counseling is a good idea, is also a plus. But the fact still remains that you live in Canada. Why not see a counselor there?” “We both tried that before, and we couldn’t find a counselor that worked for us. So we muddled through our problems. We thought we were doing ok, until this past weekend, when we both sort of panicked and called you.” Lindsay said. “Now that you’re here. Let’s see what we can do. Where are you staying?” Elizabeth asked. “Right now we’re staying with friends, who are really more like family.” Melanie indicated. “We had planned to stay in a hotel, we still might. We’re still trying to figure that part out.” “Sometimes it helps to be with loving and supportive friends. But there is something that I don’t understand. You have loving and supportive friends, yet you abruptly moved away. Now it seems like you’re just as abruptly considering moving back. So let’s talk about the move.” “You remember Proposition 14 about a year ago? It was the most homophobic piece of legislation that ever has been proposed. Then you remember the fundraiser that was held at Babylon and the subsequent bombing. We were at Babylon that night. We were just outside the club when the explosion occurred. Our friend, Dusty was killed in the explosion. Michael was injured. There was so much hate. I knew that in Canada, gay marriages were recognized, and I figured that we would have a better life there. I had a cousin in Toronto. So we immediately relocated there after the bombing.” Melanie explained. “Before the explosion, we were doing this stupid in-house separation. I lived in my studio. Melanie stayed in the bedroom. We shared chores and childcare. But otherwise, we supposedly had separate lives. Then, Melanie started seeing someone. So, she appeared to be moving on. We had agreed to sell the house. Then, the bombing happened at Babylon. We were lucky enough not to have been inside when it happened. Because we were late…we were spared. We clung to each other that night. The next morning we both decided that we wanted to get back together. Then Melanie suggested the move to Toronto, and I agreed. So we talked to the fathers of our kids and got them to agree to the move. So we’ve been living in Toronto for the last year.” Lindsay added. “I see. And what happened in Toronto that was causing you to seek counseling now?” “My job situation has not been good. There were a lot of things I didn’t consider before the move. I can’t really practice law in Canada. Money has been tight. It has been a real struggle for us there. Then, we started to argue a lot.” Melanie explained. “I found work at a local gallery, but the pay isn’t much. We felt like outsiders in Toronto not because we were gay, but because we were Americans. I’m unhappy. I feel like we’re missing so much…our friends and our community. And we started to argue, and our sex life started to disappear,” Lindsay explained. “I see. Now tell me what happened over the weekend that made you both decide to call me? “I’m not really sure,” Lindsay began. “I was updating on a scrape book, containing articles about a friend ours. He’s just embarked on the beginning of his art career. He’s already getting a lot of press. So I subscribe to a clipping service to follow every step of his career in New York. Anyway, with the kids and everything I hadn’t had a chance to update the scrape book. So with Gus visiting his father, I finally had some quiet time. I was updating the scrape book and something I said upset Melanie.” “Melanie?” Elizabeth directed her attention to Melanie for clarification. “What she said was, ‘I only wish I’d had what he has, then my life would have turned out so different,’ Melanie explained. “She compared herself to Justin. I realized that once again her life with me would never be enough for her. Justin is an artistic genius. He’s going to be a great artist with a promising career. He’s in a relationship with Brian, who is someone that Lindsay still loves. Brian is the father of her child. She turns to him for everything. Brian is rich and successful and an asshole…although I’ll admit that he has mellowed over the years due to his relationship with Justin. Brian asked Justin to marry him a year ago and bought this mansion for him. Lindsay then convinced Justin to pursue his career. Brian and Justin didn’t get married.” Melanie explained. “Justin went off New York to pursue his art career. Brian stayed here in Pittsburgh.” “This weekend, we found out that Brian and Justin are very much together in a relationship, even though they live in different cities. Gus is visiting them for a few days, and as I much as I hate to admit it, he is having the time of his life. Considering this was an unplanned visit, there’s no doubt that both Brian and Justin are spending time with him.” Lindsay explained. “We heard that they camped out in the living room at the mansion last night. Gus can’t stop talking about it. We both overreacted to the story when we first heard it, and we falsely accused Brian of being irresponsible. We thought they were camping outside in the cold and risking Gus’s health.” Melanie said. “We should have known better. We just got angry. We just weren’t thinking.” Lindsay said. “The truth is we never give Brian the benefit of the doubt. We accuse first, then try to find out the facts later,” Melanie said. “Don’t you think that’s odd behavior for an attorney?” Elizabeth asked. “Something about Brian just makes me see red,” Melanie offered. “Maybe it’s simply the fact that he’s a man…true a gay man…but a man nevertheless. And I believe that he is Lindsay’s fantasy man, capable of giving her all the things she has wanted since she was little girl. He’s the father of her child. He’s rich and successful. He and Lindsay are close. Maybe a lifetime of Brian, and then the Sam Auerback incident, combines to make me feel insecure in my relationship with Lindsay. It’s like being a lesbian is never going to be good enough for her. She will always want more.” “It’s true Brian and I have been close since college. We knew a relationship between us would never work, but we stayed friends. Brian never believed in relationships, but I knew I would always have a special place in his life. Then, when we he agreed to father Gus, I knew this special bond would always be there.” Lindsay said. “But he is what you envisioned as a husband and the father of your child. Aside from being gay, he could offer you all the material things you dreamed about as a child. He could offer you the lifestyle you grew up with and what you were led to expect from life: to be a stay at home parent, to live in a fancy house, to have a rich partner, to live in a dream world. But with Brian never doing relationships, you could hold onto the ‘someday’ fantasy. Couldn’t you?” Melanie pointed out. “But it was just that, a fantasy. Justin came along. This 17-year-old kid managed to get around all of Brian’s walls. And Brian has changed into the person we all hoped he would become someday.” Lindsay said “Except he became that person with Justin not with you. He asked Justin to marry him. And in a strange way, you watched your childhood dreams die.” Melanie said sympathetically. “Then you tried to shift your childhood wishes to Gus. You felt that Brian should give everything that he had to his son. Suddenly what we provide for Gus isn’t good enough. You had chosen a rich, successful father for your son, and you felt Gus was entitled to have certain material things. So you resented the fact that Brian gave things to Justin that you felt ONLY you or his son were entitled to receive.” “Brian took care of Justin. He let him live with him. He paid for his schooling. He made sure that Justin had everything he needed, whether they were together or not. It just isn’t fair,” Lindsay argued. “Lindsay, even though he doesn’t have to, Brian provides financially for Gus. Although I hate to admit it, he is even there emotionally for Gus. You saw them this morning; Gus was perfectly content to cling to Brian’s leg. I saw something this morning I had not considered. Gus is not willing to have either you or I separate him Brian. And he staged a hunger strike to force us to let him see Justin. So whether we like it or not, both of these men are very important to Gus. I don’t think we ever have to worry about the relationship between Gus and his father. Brian will always be there for his son.” Melanie continued. “The problem as I see it, is that Brian will not take care of you. You’re important to him. He will always love you. But make no mistake…the primary relationship in Brian’s life is Justin. He loves you the way he loves Michael, for the history that you share together. Look I’m not a fan of Brian Kinney, I probably never will be. But this I know, Brian is IN LOVE with Justin. He probably has been in love with Justin since the beginning, but he didn’t want to admit it. Nevertheless, he sure as hell admits it now. And you saw him this morning. His guard is up. He’s in full protection mode, and he will eliminate anyone or anything that is a threat to his relationship with Justin. So you need to think about that.” “I have thought about that. I’m not Michael. I don’t really hold out some illusion that one day Brian will wake up and want a life with me. I really am past that fantasy. Brian and I will always love each other, and that bond is stronger because of Gus. But my concerns about Justin’s career are real. He has a chance for a great career as an artist. I just want him to have every possible chance to achieve everything…” Lindsay responded. Melanie interrupted, “Everything you couldn’t achieve because you didn’t have his talent?” “Yes.” Lindsay finally acknowledged quietly. “But you’re a talented artist in your own right, Lindsay. You’re a great art teacher. You’re a wonderful gallery manager. Surely you see that?” Melanie pointed out. “But Justin’s talent puts him on a totally different track. He has a real chance to have a successful career in New York. I never really had enough talent to do that. Lately everyone has been so caught up in Justin’s talent, everyone seems to forget that I’m an artist too.” Lindsay said sadly. “Until Sam Auerback came along?” Melanie reminded her. “Sam was a great artist who reminded me I had talent. You and I were having problems. I made a mistake, so we fucked. It was simply a onetime thing! Afterward, Sam wanted more. He asked me to join him on his European tour. I knew it wasn’t what I wanted. All I wanted was to stay with you and get things back on track. But you were having a difficult pregnancy. We snapped at each other the whole time. Things just got unbearable. Then, you wouldn’t forgive me. So after the Jenny was born, we agreed I should move out. You just couldn’t seem to forgive me.” Lindsay cried, reaching for a tissue. “And Melanie, have you forgiven her?” Elizabeth quietly asked. “After the bombing at Babylon, I realized we could have been killed. We decided to get back together, and move on with our lives.” Melanie said. “That wasn’t my question. Have you forgiven her?” Elizabeth asked. “Or did you just move on?” “I don’t know.” “And Melanie, was the price for being able to move on with you, for Lindsay to give up everything here in Pittsburgh to be with you?” “I don’t know,” Melanie answered. “And Lindsay, were you so desperate to move on with Melanie that you just went along with anything?” Elizabeth asked. “I don’t know,” Lindsay answered. “Lindsay and I don’t talk. She keeps so much bottled up inside. She always has. She shares everything with Brian, but she doesn’t talk to me. That has always been our problem. Then, we seem to have some sort of screaming match. Then we have rough sex and make up. That seems to be our pattern,” Melanie answered. “Is that true, Lindsay?” Elizabeth asked. “I can talk to Brian because he doesn’t judge,” Lindsay responded “No, he just comes charging in to the rescue,” Melanie insisted. “When I need him,” Lindsay remarked. “That’s just it Lindsay, you always need him,” Melanie added. “That’s not true!” Lindsay challenged. “Isn’t it Lindsay?” Melanie said softly. “How can you say that?” Lindsay asked. “I can say it because with Brian in your life what do you need me for besides maybe sex, and even that is questionable.” Melanie responded. “I seem to have no place in your life.” “Elizabeth, now you see why we’re here!” Lindsay said directly to the counselor. “Well now, I seem to understand things a little better. I think it’s good that you’re able to talk. It think it was good that both of you could get it all out on the table. These are some thorny issues. They can’t be resolved overnight. But let’s try to work on them a bit,” Elizabeth suggested.