Lois and Carolyn, thanks for the beta...you’re the greatest!  

I would also like to thank everyone who previewed the chapters for me.
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Chapter 42 – A Walk To Remember
The Middle of Sunday Dinner…(Day 63)


Daniel and Michael walked in silence for the first block as Daniel tried to organize his thoughts. 

He had to find some way to rise to the occasion of this new found role, as father to his fully grown son. 

He had been deprived of the chance to contribute anything to Michael's formative years, but it was clearly going to be left to him now to see if he could help Michael pick up the pieces of his current life.  And, dinner today had shown him that Michael's life was truly in trouble. 

Debbie had obviously loved Michael unconditionally.  This had been one of the staples of his life. Michael had successfully bonded with a group of friends over the years that were so close, they'd become family.  Yet, in spite of all this, Michael couldn’t seem to appreciate the things that he had; instead, he was continually grasping for things that would never be. 

Daniel had to admit that the pairing of Ben and Michael was not intuitive, but it was clear that they had been fortunate to find each other.  He hoped that eventually, Michael and Ben would find their way back to one another.  After all, Hunter and Jenny Rebecca needed both their dads in their lives, and Ben was clearly a voice of reason for Michael.

And now, Daniel knew that he too was accepted into this multigenerational family, and this thought brought a smile to his face.  

It was Michael's voice that interrupted Daniel's silent musings because he couldn’t stand the silence any longer.  

“What made you want to take a walk?” Michael finally asked.

“Things were getting a little tense back there,” Daniel quietly suggested.  “I just thought that everyone needed a chance to cool off.  A nice walk seemed like the perfect solution.” 

“Did you hear that bitch Lindsay, trying to pretend like she was okay with things?  Well, she can keep on lying to herself,” Michael said with a self-righteous attitude.  “But she can't lie to me.”

“Yes, I guess you sure showed her, all right,” Daniel said sarcastically.  “So do you feel better now?” 

Something about his father's sarcastic tone made Michael pause, when just the moment before, he was confident in his self-righteous indignation.

Daniel noticed the momentary hesitation, so he seized his opportunity.  “Does it feel good to alienate a friend, who also happens to be one of the mothers of your daughter?  Is that what you really wanted to do?” 

Michael was quiet as he tried to process what Daniel was suggesting. 

“And, then there's Brian…” Daniel added.

“Brian?” Michael interrupted with alarm.  Daniel noticed that the mention of Lindsay only caused Michael to stop for a minute, whereas the mention of Brian produced true alarm.  “What does Brian have to do with this?”  Michael had to ask.

“Oh, I don't know…” Daniel responded.  “I just noticed how upset he was when you said those harsh things to Justin.  You have to remember that Justin is a member of this family too.  In fact, at the table, there were quite a few people who really seem to love him.”  

“Oh well, you’d expect Jennifer to rush to Justin's defense; after all, she's his mommie,” Michael gaffed mockingly.

“And apparently Debbie is too!  She was equally upset by what you said.  You have to see that attacking Justin that way, felt the same for Debbie, as if someone was attacking you.” 

“My mother has a tendency to pick up strays; she needs to remember that she HAS a son,” Michael said harshly.

“That‘s just it, she does remember.  She just has such a big heart.  She loved mothering you so much, that she had no trouble opening her heart to mother your closest friends too,” Daniel emphasized, even if it was all so obvious that he couldn't see how anyone could miss it.

“Well…” Michael started again to challenge.

“Just because she had room in her heart for all the others, doesn't mean that she loves you any less,” Daniel quickly fired back.  “Caring for people is second nature to her.  It always was, even when we were kids.  I think that's why she always wanted to become a nurse,” he went on to explain.

“She may not have been a nurse,” Michael said quietly.  “But she took care of Uncle Vic when he was sick, and she's always been there to care for all of us.  She especially took special care of Brian whenever his folks would beat the shit out of him as a kid.  It was Ma who bandaged his wounds and took him to the hospital,” he revealed.

“So now, you're starting to see it!

“Sort of…”

“Your mother wanted you very much.  She had you on her own.  She raised you on her own.  She gave you a fantasy father because she wanted you to have something to believe in.  She did all this because she loved you,“ Daniel recounted.  “But after a while, all that didn't matter anymore, did it?” he asked.  “Because from the time you were fourteen, you had Brian?” 

“He was all that I ever wanted, but how did you know that?”

“I saw the pictures, remember?" Daniel suggested lovingly.  "For over 20 years, you’ve just been waiting for the two of you...you and Brian, I mean…to be a couple.  Brian loved you, but not enough to give up his lifestyle.  I'm sure that Brian never thought that he’d ever want to settle down with just one person, so you thought that he would always belong to you…you thought that he would always be yours.  He would fuck with all those other guys, but his heart would always belong to you.”

“How do you know that?” Michael continued to ask.

“But then you and Ben happened to find each other.”

“It was just after I bought the comic book store.  He walked in one day, asking about comics with gay themes.  I remember it as if it was yesterday.”

“Was it love at first sight?” 

“Yeah, for me it was,” Michael admitted.  “But it took us a bit to work things out.”

“You found your one and only…someone to make you happy, didn't you?  You eventually became a couple with Ben…you had the life that you wanted to live.”

“Yes, I did,” Michael said wistfully. 

“Then, you experienced with Ben things that probably exceeded even your wildest dreams:   You got married, fathered Jenny Rebecca, and adopted Hunter. And, you and Brian were still friends.”

“I really had it all, didn't I?” Michael asked mournfully. 

“Yet while you were achieving these things, you still expected Brian to remain the same and always be totally alone…somehow you always wanted him to be out there just waiting for YOU, forever…just as you had been waiting a lifetime for him,” Daniel said quietly.

“How do you know all this?  Did someone tell you?”  Michael argued as he listened to his father reveal all his deepest thoughts and dreams.

“No one had to tell me anything, Michael.  I saw the pictures of you growing up.  This story is written in all the pictures of you and Brian together over the years.  I know how to craft a story from the obvious,” Daniel teased, “After all, I'm still Divina Devore, and let me tell you that I've seen this story play out many times.  I can easily believe that Brian never expected to find that someone special…but then he met Justin, and the rest is history,” he added hesitantly, wondering if Michael had followed what he said.

“You saw them at the dinner table, they were practically fucking,” Michael complained.  “They've never been able to keep their hands off each other since the day they met.  Brian threw away all his rules for Justin.”

“And why do you suppose he did that, Michael?  What would make the great Brian Kinney give up everything to be with Justin?  What would make him bind himself legally to Justin, huh?  Why do you think that happened?”

“Okay, I get it. I get that Brian loves Justin!”

“Michael, one would have to be blind not to see that those two truly love each other.  It's not that Brian loves you any less than he ever did…it's just that he feels something totally different for Justin.  And now, Brian and Justin are legally bound," Daniel felt he had to keep reminding Michael of the truth.

“I guess I can understand that,” Michael finally acknowledged, “Just like I feel something totally different for Ben, but even Ben and I are never as all over each other the way that Brian and Justin are.  It's the reason that I thought that they were just ‘fuck buddies’.  I figured, even after six years, that's all that they could possibly be,” he added, “That’s why this legal union didn’t make sense.  I couldn’t understand why Brian would give everything to a fuck buddy.  But, I guess I had it totally wrong.”

“See, you do get it!” Daniel said with a smile.  “But it's like you still want to push Brian into a corner.  You want him to choose between you and Justin.  You figure if he's forced to make a choice…that somehow you'd win…surely he’d choose you over Justin after all your years together as friends,” he added.  “But Michael, that's a choice Brian doesn't want to have to make.  He has room for BOTH you and Justin in his life, provided he doesn't have to be the perpetual referee.  And even if you were to force him to choose, he will choose Justin every time!  You have to accept that.  Just as, in reality, you would choose Ben and Hunter and JR every time.  But right now, you're confused, and you somehow you got your priorities all mixed up,” Daniel explained softly.

“I guess I did,” Michael softly agreed as the ‘light bulb’ went on, and he saw the truth in what Daniel was saying. 

Michael covered his face with his hands as he once again remembered that he had this same discussion with Lindsay and also with Brian over the last few weeks, but for some reason, he just didn’t get it before.  It's as if before he'd only heard the words, but this time, it all made sense.

Now, Michael realized that he'd made a BIG mistake.  He’d lost everything with Ben because he’d continued to chase after a ‘someday’ fantasy life with Brian that could really never be.

Michael groaned, “What have I done?” as the reality really hit home for him.  

“At least you see it, Michael, that's a start.”

Daniel felt that they had made progress.  

Michael couldn’t believe how much he needed his father to explain these facts of life to him.

They walked another block in silence, and Michael continued to silently think things over.

Finally, Daniel suggested, “I guess we should start back.”  Then, he laughed.  “We don't want everyone to have eaten all the dessert.  Debbie was baking a pie, and she’s a wonderful cook!” 

“You're right,” Michael agreed.  “We'd better head back. I wouldn't want you to miss dessert.” 

Daniel nodded his agreement, and the pair turned around and briskly walked back to Debbie's.

***
By the time that Daniel and Michael walked in the door, Debbie was carrying a tray laden with pie and ice cream, while Carl walked behind her carrying a second tray of coffee.

Everyone quickly re-assembled in their places at the table.   Once again, Michael scurried back to his place beside Brian.

“I hope that you've all had time to stretch and to make room for dessert,” Debbie teased. 

"Absolutely!" Emmett practically gushed.

As usual, Brian indicated that he couldn't possibly eat another bite, but he did ask for to a cup of coffee and two spoons.  Then, he and Gus looked knowingly at each other, and patiently waited to see what Justin was going to do.

“Thanks, Debbie,” Justin said eagerly.  “Dessert sounds great. You always make such terrific desserts,” he added, noticing the innocent looks that he received from Brian and Gus as he spoke. 

Then of course, once Justin was served his pie and ice cream, both Brian and Gus each grabbed a spoon and subtly began sharing his dessert.  Some things never change. 

“Like father…like son,” Emmett teased as he watched them.

Both Hunter and Ben decided to share a little of their dessert with Jenny Rebecca, who giggled with every spoonful that she tasted.

“You better watch out, Hunter, Justin used to do the same thing with Gus when he was that age, and you see how that turned out,” Melanie said with a laugh, motioning in Justin’s direction to make her point. 

“Justin hasn't been able to enjoy a dessert, in peace, in the last four years,” Lindsay said laughing.

“You know, if you two would actually feed your kids, they wouldn't have developed these bad habits,” Hunter professed with his usual attitude. 

Justin simply smiled. He was prevented from answering by a big hug from Gus.

“Somehow, I think you'll get used to it,” Justin teased when he was finally released by Gus.  “After all, Jenny already considers you her favorite rescuer, and she's only two years old.  You'll have a long time to enjoy the role…that should slow you down a bit and hopefully distract you from your continued pursuit of Brian,” he added with an evil grin.

Hunter, in an act of defiance, merely looked at Brian and winked, causing Brian to roll his eyes.

“All of you, behave yourself!” Ben insisted. “Hunter, stop flirting with Brian…at least while we're at dinner table,” he suggested with a laugh. Ben rolled his eyes and mumbled under his breath, “That's all that this family needs!”

Brian leaned over and once again started kissing Justin.  Gus immediately covered his eyes, and Jenny copied her brother's antics.

“No…no, don't do that!  Some of us are still eating.  Some of us…” Hunter protested. “I can't stand it!” he continued to mock protest. “Debbie, make them stop!”

Debbie decided to step in, “Okay, you two…that's enough!”

“Never enough….” Brian quipped when he came up for a breath of air.

“Besides, you're traumatizing my children,” Melanie happily added.

Brian and Justin once again broke apart.  They both looked at the laughing Gus and Jenny, hiding behind their hands over their eyes.

Brian and Justin then sandwiched the laughing Gus between them in a hug, until he giggled so hard that he started to squeal.  Then they both agreed to release him.

Michael watched the interplay between Brian and Justin and Gus, and he could see how much they all loved each other.  He wondered if he’d ever have that kind of relationship with his daughter.

And then it dawned on Michael, that if he hadn’t been so eager to be seated next to Brian, who practically ignored him during most of the meal, he could be sitting on the other side of the table, enjoying sharing his dessert with the playful JR.  Michael was beginning to see his mistakes.

When everyone had finished their desserts, Justin pronounced, “Thank you for a fascinating dinner, Debbie.  I don't think that I could eat another bite,” he added.  

Strangely, Brian and Gus heartily agreed with him. 

And Michael's world seemed to slowly come back into focus.  Now, he had to figure out what to do to get things back on track.   Somehow, Michael knew that it was going to take a lot of work.