FEBRUARY 2023 Gus Peterson-Marcus had forgotten an important family rule in his hurry to get home for the weekend. He heard about it as soon as he walked into the kitchen of his Dads’ home where his Uncle Justin was busy making supper. “Augustus Brian Peterson-Marcus, what're you doing here?” “What do you mean Uncle Justin?” “I see you standing in my kitchen but I don’t remember getting a phone call telling me that you were coming to Pittsburgh today.” “Uncle Justin I forgot to call in my hurry to get here.” “Rules are important Gus. Remember what happened the last time you came home without calling?” “Yes, but Chris Hobbs has been dead for over 2 years.” “I don’t care, you call first or you don’t come home.” “Uncle Justin you're kidding aren’t you?” “Only a bit. Why the hurry to come home this weekend?” “I got my assignment for my senior Psychology seminar and I wanted to get started as soon as possible so as to get it over with. I graduate this spring and I figured it would be best to finish this assignment so it won’t get in the way later.” “God Gus where's the time gone? Just yesterday you started kindergarten and now you're practically graduating from college. Well what's the assignment?” “Is Dad here?” “Not yet he had a late appointment at the agency but he should be here soon, why?” “The assignment will involve both of you so I would just as soon wait for both of you and explain it once.” “Makes sense, but then you always make sense. Go get cleaned up for supper. Good thing I made a casserole since I didn’t know I was cooking for 3 and there will be enough for all of us.” “Like there never is enough for 3 or 6 when you cook.” “Get out of here you little scamp.” “Uncle Justin I’ve been taller and heavier than you for years. I may be a scamp but not a little one.” “You'll always be a little scamp to me Gussy, even when I’m 100 and you're 83. Now go get cleaned up for supper, I’m not telling you again.” “OK Justee, and you'll be Uncle Justin when I’m 83 and you're 100 or until you agree to be called Papa.” "I don't know Gus, it still doesn't sound right to me." “Sunshine, did we know Sonnyboy was coming home this weekend?” “No and I already got on him about not calling. He seems to think that just because Chris Hobbs is dead that the rules don’t apply when he's excited about a psych assignment.” “I’m sure you set him right about that misconception.” “I sure did. But Brian we'll have to think about what we're going to do once he graduates and even more so once he and Katherine get married.” “We’ll think of something Justin, we've a few more months before graduation. Justin can you imagine, our little boy is soon going to be a married man!” "You know Brian that means grandchildren; are you ready to be a grandfather?" "Don't go there Sunshine, time enough to deal with it when it happens." “Dad how've you been?” “Same as always considering how old I’m getting to be.” “Dad will you get over this age silliness; you’ve been complaining about being old as long as I can remember.” “OK did you come home to propose to Katherine?” “Dad you know I’m not going to propose until after I graduate in May. Why do you keep asking me that question every time you see me?” “Just pulling your chain Gus. You’ve had more patience than someone I could mention.” “Brian, I heard that.” “Don’t you think I planned on you hearing me Sunshine?” “Supper is ready if either of you are interested.” “Of course we're interested Uncle Justin.” “Well Gus what's your assignment that you were so anxious to tell us about that you broke rule #1?” “Not going to let me forget are you Uncle Justin?” “Not anytime soon Gussy.” “Gus, Uncle Justin it's Gus. I have to write up several case studies about people’s behaviors. Basically how a person behaves or behaved and why they think they act or acted that way. Then I have to do research to see if the explanation makes sense. Of course it was obvious to me that you two would be able to provide me with several case studies, if you're willing, anyway. If it's too personal I'll understand.” “Of course we'll help if we can. But Gus what makes you think that we have anything worth bothering with.” “Dad I’ve been hearing about your demons all my life.” “Melanie never did like me.” “Oh Dad, Mama loves you and you know it.” “Not always Sonnyboy not always.” “You have to know why you have at least some of them. Uncle Justin will come up with something just to compete with you.” “Gus you are smiling as you say that aren’t you?” “Yes Uncle Justin but I’m right and you know it.” “Yes but I just wanted to make sure you were smiling while you made fun of us.” “Oh Uncle Justin I’m not making fun of you.” “Gus you're so easy. You would think you would've gotten over being so gullible by now. Your Dad and I have been fooling with your head since you were two.” “What makes you think I’m not just letting you think you're pulling my chain?” “He’s got you there Sunshine.” “Shut up Brian, I know when I’ve been backed into a corner.” “Supper's great as usual Uncle Justin. What kind of casserole is this? It's delicious.” “Chicken but with water chestnuts for crunch and baby shrimp for an extra taste.” “Well it's better than anything served at the dorms.” “I should hope so.” “Well Dad do you have a demon that you can explain away?” “Yes Brian do you?” “I suppose the obvious one is why I never slept with Michael in the 18 years that it was possible for the two of us to have had sex.” “Yes Brian I always wondered about that; just like the rest of gay Pittsburgh. But why only 18 years?” “From when Michael and I met to when I admitted to myself that I only wanted you was almost 18 years. Since before Gus tricked us into being a couple I haven’t even thought about sleeping with anyone but you, including Mikey.” “What do you mean about me tricking you into being a couple?” “Long story Gus but not now though I’ve been grateful for over 20 years that you did what you did. Once Deb told Mikey he was gay and he figured out what that meant he wanted to share my sexual charms like every other faggot in Pittsburgh.” “Still modest are we Brian?” “Hush Justin it's my story. Anyway by that time I had developed the idea that if I fucked Mikey I would lose him as my best friend and I wasn’t willing to risk it. I needed him as a best friend much more than as sex partner, I had all of those I wanted.” “You know Dad I spent a lot of years denying that you even kissed anyone besides Uncle Justin and me let alone you having all the sex partners you wanted.” “What ever gave you that idea?” “I don’t know I just had it for as long as I could remember until Uncle Justin told me the jambalaya story. How could you be so mean to Uncle Justin Dad?” “Justin you didn’t.” “Well I was teaching him how to make jambalaya and it seemed appropriate at the time though I didn’t really think he believed me.” “Well it finally sank in about your age difference. That it was silly to think that you were a virgin let alone didn’t kiss anyone until you were 29 when Uncle Justin came along.” “We're never going to get this demon story told if you two don’t quit interrupting me. I knew over the years that I was hurting Mikey by denying him what he wanted but I simply wouldn’t risk our friendship for a roll in the hay. Though we did come close a few times but they would have been for the wrong reasons so they didn’t happen. Mikey saved my bacon too many times; whenever I had a breakdown due to dealing with my Dad I knew that Mikey would be there to put me back together. Whether it was from physical or mental harm Mikey knew what to do to make it go away. I just didn’t know what I would have done if he hadn’t been there for me. For some reason I kept going back to Dad, even after I left the house and didn’t have to, trying to win his acceptance like a moth flying into a light fixture. As much as I hoped he never changed till the day he died. Well maybe he changed a little in the last few months. Mikey was there for me every time my Dad hurt me and he was there when Justin was bashed. I knew he was there even if I wasn’t able to show it at the time. There were 3 incidents that occurred less than a year apart that convinced me that it wasn’t destined for Michael and me to have sex.” “Mikey and you I just can’t imagine it, though I try not to think too much about you and Uncle Justin either not to mention Mom and Mama.” “Well Gus that's very normal, no kid likes to hear about his or her parents having sex, gay or straight. We don’t like thinking about your sex life either. But let me tell you Justin's quite the sexual demon." “Dad!” “Back to the demon story. First was the infamous Patrick Swayze mutual jack off session.” “The what?” “Yes Gus that was an infamous story back in the day” “Mikey and I both told that story though I never told the entire story.” “What? There was more after Deb interrupted you?” “Of course there was more, let me tell the story Justin. Mikey and I were in our freshman year in High School; we were up in his room one Saturday afternoon. He'd swiped a movie magazine from Deb, who'd swiped it from her beauty parlor. There was a picture of Patrick Swayze, shirtless, that we were looking at. I had admitted to myself over a year before that I liked guys and had some experiences but Mikey was still in denial about what he wanted. Anyway we were looking at the picture and I noticed that Mikey was getting hard which started me on the way to a boner as well. I had wanted Mikey almost from when we met. Remind you of anyone Sunshine? So I decided it was time so I reached into his crotch and started fondling him, which got me hard as a rock. He even put his hand on me. I had just gotten his dick out of his pants and was deciding whether I should go down on him when Deb burst into the room with a load of laundry. She didn’t say a word but she had to have seen what we were doing. We covered ourselves and Mikey scooted as far away as he could without falling off of the bed. Deb put his clothes away and left the room without saying anything. “Doesn’t your mother knock Mikey?” “Not that I ever remember.” “Well my Mom always knocks but she would've been knocking 5 minutes after we closed the door.” “Brian it was probably best that Ma came in when she did we were going too far. It was getting a little too queer.” “Mikey you were enjoying yourself.” “I know but I shouldn’t have, I should've stopped you.” “Why Mikey? We were having fun.” “Having fun isn’t always the right thing to do.” “I better get home. See you at school.” “Bye Brian.” It really shocked me that Mikey didn’t want to start up again. I would've finished what we started if he had shown any interest. I more than likely would have blown him. I'd been sure that he was as interested in me as I was interested in him. I really was surprised at his reaction and it put me off for a while. I can remember thinking that maybe I'd been wrong about Mikey and maybe he wasn’t gay like I thought. So that was the first step towards developing my demon about fucking Mikey. Several weeks later my Dad took Mikey and me bowling. He was a big bowler and always wanted me to take it up. Not that it was ever going happen, though I did become a better bowler than I ever expected. After a while he got bored watching Mikey and me throw gutter balls and went to the bar. After 7 or 8 frames we had scored 10 pins between the two of us. But then a miracle occurred and I threw a strike. Mikey and I just started hugging and jumping up and down like a pair of idiots. Mikey was celebrating my strike but I was enjoying the feel of his body against mine. I got a hardon just from his hugging me. Without knowing what I was doing I planted a kiss on Mikey’s lips but just then my Dad came back from the bar and saw us hugging. I don’t think he saw the kiss but he still made some homophobic comment. I just shoved Mikey away and ran out of the bowling alley. I wasn’t afraid for myself, hell he'd been hitting me for no good reason for years, but I didn’t want him to have a reason to pick on Mikey. Mikey would've been devastated to have an adult pick on him. I ran to the car and waited for Dad to come out and raise hell. I just didn’t want him to do it in public. I was totally surprised when he and Mikey came out together laughing and having a good time. Nothing was ever said about the hugging. We dropped Mikey off at his house and then went home. While I expected to get hit for embarrassing him by being a faggot he just kept bragging to Mom about my strike and how I was going to be a great bowler. Mikey told me Monday, at school, that he just told Dad that we were celebrating my getting a strike after so many gutter balls. He bought it hook line and sinker. I guess he didn’t want to believe his son could be queer either. So that was the second step. It was beginning to feel like the universe was against Mikey and me getting physical with each other. But I was still interested. Mikey was a hot little fucker, sound familiar Sunshine?” “I resent being compared to Mikey.” “Well he was back then, virgin too.” “Dad” “Now Sonnyboy you asked for what I thought was the reason for my demon. I wanted him but I was beginning to feel the universe was against us being intimate. I always listened to the universe when it was being negative. The final straw came when Vic came to visit Deb and Mikey. Vic was living in New York City but he came to visit often and I had gotten to know him fairly well. He was the only gay man that I really knew. I had fucked with a few adult men, well they were older than me so I thought of them as adult, by then but I didn’t know them. Vic had explained a lot of things to me on what to look out for as a gay man and as a man in general. On this trip he took me to Woody’s for a talk. “Brian I just want to talk to you about Mikey. Deb hasn’t told him he's gay yet, but that doesn’t really matter. H's as gay as we are but he's different from you and me though. He'll be that gay man that needs just one guy in his life while we can’t be happy with just one man. He'll never be truly happy until he finds a guy that is happy with only him so unless you're willing to settle for just him the two of you'll never be happy together. Sure you would have some good times in bed but he would resent you tricking with other guys and you would resent him limiting your choices. So don’t hurt him by leading him on unless you can commit yourself to him.” “I love Mikey Vic.” “But are you in love? Can you settle for just him because if you can’t you'll hurt him and I doubt you'll be able to stay friends either. So you can have sex or have a best friend but I don’t think you can have both with Mikey.” So there was the last step in the development of a demon. The man that was more of a father to me than my own ever was warned me away from Mikey. "Do you remember Vic Gus?” “I think so, he was sick most of the time wasn’t he?” “I suppose that you would remember that more than the earlier years. I sure wish I'd been more open to him about my feelings towards him. I wish I'd been more open about my feelings to everyone. That's another demon Gus; maybe we can talk about it tomorrow. This talking feels good Sonnyboy. Why did it take me so long to learn to be able to talk about my feelings?” “Vic knew how you felt about him Brian and he considered you like a son. He said something once while I was living with him and Deb.” “What?” “Something to the effect that you were too much like him in some ways but he loved you like the son he never had and that I'd better not hurt you. He was probably the only one who worried about me hurting you instead of you hurting me. I hurt you so much when I moved out to be with Ethan, but Vic told me that I did the right thing. That you would never see the light until you were forced to look for it. I was getting discouraged about whether you were looking about the time Gus’ first plan came into play.” “You two are going to have to tell me the story if you are going to continue to talk about it.” “Another time Gus, along with the ditty that caused your Dad to sell the Loft and buy this house.” “No Justin not that story too.” “Are there any other stories from when I was too young to remember?” “Probably but those are the two most important to us and our relationship.” “So anyway my demon about Mikey was fully developed by the time I was 16. No matter how much Mikey wanted me I wasn’t willing to risk losing his friendship. The universe was against us and who was I to challenge the universe. Will this be of any use to you Gus?” “Sure Dad, you let superstition prevent you from hurting your best friend.” “I should've been able to tell Michael that would've saved him some pain over the years.” “But would he have believed you Brian?” “Probably not Justin. So Gus you have case study #1 under your belt, tomorrow we can work on #2.” “OK Dad, Uncle Justin do you have any ideas for #3?” “Not yet Gus, I‘ve never been as demon possessed as your Dad.” “No you just have the ass of a demon.” “Dad!!”