December 1 2023 “Gus are you OK? What's taking so long?” “I’m fine Katherine, I just want to look my best for my bride.” Who would've thought that Brian Kinney’s 23-year-old son would be hiding in the bathroom of the Bridal Suite on his wedding night? This is ridiculous, I’ve known her for over 5 years, and we’ve been dating exclusively for over 3, well I have for over 5 but she doesn’t know that. Why am I afraid to go out of this bathroom and be with my bride? Uncle Justin and Dad have kidded me for being prudish but even they would be surprised to find out that I’m afraid of my wedding bed. How'd I get to this point in my life? I suppose it started the summer before I turned 14 when I realized that I was straight instead of gay. Everyone I knew and I just assumed that I would be gay. My dad is gay, my mom is a lesbian, and pretty much everyone in my pseudo family is gay. I just kept waiting for the Big Fairy in the Sky to tap my head with his magic wand and make me realize what being gay really meant. I mean I knew that gay meant loving other males, like my Dad and Uncle Justin loved each other, but I really didn’t know how they expressed that love. I didn’t know how they knew they were gay either. I'd gone through puberty and was physically grown but I still didn’t find other boys interesting. I thought about asking Dad or Uncle Justin but I just couldn’t get the courage to do that. I also couldn’t make myself ask Mikey, Teddy, or Aunty Em either. The only female in the family that I could have considered asking, Daphne, was out of the country again. The other women in the family weren't possible either. I mean even the thought of asking Grandma Jenn or Debbie something about sex made me want to throw up. Then in the middle of June ’14 I remembered that my cousin Joshua had hinted about his sexuality at our Grandmom’s funeral the previous October. While Joshua hadn’t out right stated that he was gay when we had talked at the funeral lunch, at Aunt Claire’s house, but he had mentioned that he should probably talk to someone about what it meant to be gay. He had said it was a college project but when I suggested that he talk to Dad or Uncle Justin he had said, and this really surprised me since he was almost 20-years-old, that he was afraid of Uncle Brian and he couldn’t possibly ask Justin anything sexual since he was even more afraid of the guy that had tamed his Uncle Brian. I'd asked him why he was afraid of Dad. He said that about the only thing he remembered about his Uncle Brian was Dad telling him, and his brother Daniel, that he had grandpa’s head in a bowling ball bag at the funeral lunch after our grandpa’s funeral in early 2001. I called Joshua and asked him if he could come by the house. He dropped by the next afternoon. “Well Augustus what's up?” “Joshua, you know I prefer to be called Gus.” “I know Augustus but if I’m stuck with Joshua then you're stuck with Augustus; besides has any one else called you Augustus lately? How can I help you baby cousin?” “I want to know how you knew that you were gay? I’ve always expected to be gay, once I got old enough to know about sexual orientation, but even though I’ve gone through puberty I still don’t find boys interesting but every time I turn around I get a boner when I see a pretty girl. It's embarrassing to have to cover myself up time after time at the swimming pool. It even gets hard when I’m in the water.” “I would say Augustus that's a pretty good sign that you're straight. I had the opposite problem. I had a horrible time in gym class. Springing a boner in the shower room doesn’t go over well with some of the guys. When you have a fantasy is about a male or a female?” “I don’t know that I’ve had any fantasies Joshua but I certainly don’t think about other boys or men. My Dad is going to be so dissappointed in me.” “Augustus you're straight then. Uncle Brian'll never be dissappointed in you Augustus no matter who you end up loving. Someday I'll be at your wedding. Maybe, just maybe, you will be at my wedding someday. Of course that'll require new laws to be passed and I don’t ever expect to see it happen. You were right Augustus when you said I should talk to someone. I didn’t talk to Uncle Brian or Justin but I did go to a meeting of a gay group at Pitt. I’ve been able to admit to people that I'm gay, not that I remember telling you though, and I’ve even been on a few dates. Do you know what my mother did when I told her? “Knowing Aunt Claire I would say she burst into tears.” “That's what I was expecting but she told me how proud of me she was for being able to tell her something that her big bad brother couldn’t tell his mother for over 30 years and even then it was more confirming the fact than really telling her; then Mom burst into tears.” After talking with Joshua that June day I was able to admit to myself that I was straight. Then of course I decided that since I was straight Dad would hate me for the rest of my life. I let myself get worked up until finally I felt I had to tell him and get on with our lives. I made such a big deal of the situation. I called a family meeting to see if anyone would know how I could tell Dad my horrible news without him hating me. I finally talked to Uncle Justin about my fears and he took me to talk with Dad. After a little confusion Dad finally figured out what I was afraid of and he made it clear to me that he didn’t care who I loved just that I was happy. I told myself that I wouldn’t keep anything from Dad and Uncle Justin in the future but I haven’t been able to keep that promise. It'd been good to see Joshua, Aunt Claire, and Daniel at my wedding reception today. Daniel is living in Nova Scotia now; his father-in-law had offered him a job in the family business when he'd graduated from Pitt. His daughter, Jessica Marie, is almost 14 now and quite the good-looking Kinney granddaughter that she is. Aunt Claire had married, for the third time, in ‘16 and had moved to Lubbock Texas when her new husband, a professor of Hydrology, took a position at Texas Tech. Joshua had moved to Nebraska with his partner when Markus inherited one of the family farms in ‘17. “You know Augustus it's amazing that since Markus and I gave up trying to make a go of the farm by ranching and turned it into a gay dude ranch no one in the ‘Heart of the Seven Valleys’ area has said a derogatory word about us being gay and having so many gay clients spending time in town. Of course Markus being a member of one the most prominent families in the county might have something to do with that. Yet every now and then I get guff about being from Pennsylvania. Husker fans are still upset about the PSU win in 1982, since they're still mad about the field being bigger than normal. Hell my mother was only 14 when that game took place what does it have to do with me? I hope that you and Katherine are as happy as Markus and I have been. You were right about talking to Uncle Brian and Justin. Once I was able to actually get the courage to talk to them they gave me some excellent advice on how to maintain a gay relationship for the long term. *** “Gus are you still alive in there?” “Katherine you're such a kidder.” I always thought that when you were reviewing your life in your head it didn’t take any time in the real world. After I decided I was straight I started dating, the first was a boy-girl birthday party when I turned 14. Even though my birthday is in September we always had my parties on the first Saturday of August so that it wouldn’t interfere with the beginning of the school year. Most of the time I went out on double dates or with a group of boys and girls but I did go out once in a while on casual dates with girls from my classes. Then I met her and I knew whom I would marry someday. As hokey as it seemed it was love at first sight. I started my first day at the Liberty Diner between my junior and senior years of High School. Deb introduced me to Katherine and I almost fell over. I knew at that moment that someday we would be married. I'd grown up with stories of Uncle Justin knowing that Dad was his true love from the moment he first laid eyes on him that night outside of Babylon, the night I was born. Of course I made the mistake of telling Dad and Uncle Justin that I'd met my bride when I got home that first day. Dad has made a career of teasing me about when I was going to ask Katherine to marry me. I'd spent a lot of years denying the stories I heard about my Dad and his sexual exploits. I wanted to believe that he'd always been the perfect man that I always remembered. I only remembered that Dad and Uncle Justin loved each other and to believe that he had fooled around with other guys was something I just didn’t want to believe. For the most part the stories I overheard just sailed over my head. No matter how often the story mentioned Brian Kinney I just knew it wasn’t my Dad and it didn’t sink in. I finally came around when Uncle Justin taught me how to make Jambalaya. I'd always enjoyed the time I spent with Uncle Justin learning how to cook since we always talked about everything while we were cooking. One Saturday during my Freshman year Uncle Justin told me that he felt like making something exotic and how did I feel about learning how to make Jambalaya. I told him that I was willing to make anything he wanted to teach me to make. I knew he was happy with the answer when he gave me a Sunshine smile. I have always loved those Sunshine smiles, they make me feel so happy but the few times I’ve gotten even the smallest frown from Uncle Justin have just about broken my heart. I then remembered something Grandma Jenn had told me years before. “Uncle Justin, Grandma Jenn told me that I should get you to tell me the story about the time you first made Jambalaya by yourself. So how about it?” “Gus that's an adult story, are you ready to hear something graphic about your Dad and me?” “Uncle Justin I’m 15 years old, I’m old enough to hear anything about you and Dad. How bad could it be, you two are so white bread?” “Gus we might be white bread today but your Dad used to be quite the loaf of Jalapeno Rye in his day. It wasn’t one of his finest moments.” “Go ahead with the story.” “Well I warned you Gus.” “Uncle Justin it can’t be that bad.” “Gus you remember the stories about how I knew that I loved your Dad from the moment I first met him?” “Yes.” “Well the big problem back then was that your Dad was unable to admit to himself that he even liked me let alone loved me. With that being said I wasn’t willing to give him the chance to get away from me. He called me his stalker but even though he wouldn’t say that he cared about me he certainly broke many of his rules because of me. He liked having me around whether we had sex or not, though most of the time we ended up in bed, but he liked the fact that I wasn’t around all of the time. He had his routines on how he lived his life and he didn’t want some teenage twink messing up his routines. That was thrown into confusion one night when my Dad attacked him and made me make the decision on whether to stay with Brian or come home with him. Of course I chose Brian. It didn’t take long for my presence in the Loft to drive him batty. Finally he decided he had to do something to make me go home. So in typical Brian Kinney fashion he decided to push me off of a cliff. He brought home a trick, knowing full well that I would be there and would either have to leave or watch. That was the night that I had decided to make Jambalaya. Pretty much everything that could go wrong went wrong, things boiled over, I dropped the salad and then Brian showed up with this guy from Atlanta. It bugged Brian when the guy talked to me about cooking; I actually think Brian got a little jealous, so he gave the guy an ultimatum. The guy chose having sex with Brian over cooking with me. I watched as they got started then I just had to leave. I couldn’t go home so I went over to your mothers who put me up for the night. I know I bugged the hell out of your Mama when I told her she couldn’t say anything bad about Brian even though he had been so nasty to me.” “How could Dad be so mean to you? I feel like telling him off when he gets home.” “Gus, calm down. Brian was just trying to protect his heart. He felt things for me that he hadn’t felt in years and he was scared. He really thought that he was doing the best he could for me by making me go home. He just didn’t realize that I wouldn’t go home. Anyway I went to school but your mother called Brian and told him that he had to fix things. There was an implied threat but neither of them ever told me what it was. I was leaving school that afternoon and a bunch of my fellow seniors were picking on me when Brian roared up in the Jeep. He told me to get into the car, that we were going home. Imagine my surprise when we pulled up to my parent’s house instead of the Loft. So we had a family talk about me moving back home. I'd decided that I would have to do it since Brian didn’t want me at the Loft and I didn’t have anywhere else to go. Then my Dad got on his high horse and started in on the rules that I would have to follow in order to live in his house. There was stuff about me not ever seeing Brian again and how I couldn’t flaunt my deviant lifestyle and so on. I always liked to think that the part about not seeing Brian was what made him do what he did but I always knew that it was the part about not being able to live my life openly as a gay man. Brian stood up and told Mom and Dad that those rules were hate not love and then he asked me if I was coming. I looked at Mom and then I was out of the door. Brian dropped me off at the Loft while he went on some errands. I found out that he had cleaned up the mess I'd left and had put all of the food away from the night before. This told me that he really did care about me; otherwise he would've thrown everything away. I set up the table and then reheated the meal. Brian came home and we ate and then had one of the most enjoyable nights of our living together. So Jambalaya is a very special meal to me because while it involved some emotional pain it also was involved in one of the best nights of my life.” “How're my favorite guys?” “Dad you bastard.” “What the hell was that about? Why're you staring at me like that Sonnyboy?” “I told him the Jambalaya story and I’m guessing he is figuring out how to beat you up.” “What?” “Your Sonnyboy finally is admitting to himself that you aren’t perfect. He's realizing that you actually had a sex life before me. That you really did try to run me out of you life.” “Dad I’m sorry, but how could you hurt Uncle Justin like that. Bringing some guy home to rub in his face. He made you dinner and everything too. How could you Dad, how could you?” “Sonnyboy I was a different guy back then and what I was feeling for Justin was scaring the hell out of me. But Gus that little incident was small potatoes compared to what I did to him later. I still am amazed that he put up with me back then and that he's still with me now.” “Brian I loved you then and I’ve loved you ever since. Get it through your head you're not going to get rid of me ever.” After that night I had to admit that Dad hadn’t been the perfect gay man that I had wanted him to be. He really had all of the sex partners that he wanted. The stories about his past started sinking in when I heard them. It was amazing how some of Dad’s friends felt the need to talk about his past where I could hear them. But I was so happy that Uncle Justin entered Dad’s life the night I was born and started on the path of taming the King of Liberty Avenue. I know that my mothers would never have allowed Dad to be a big part of my life if he'd remained the way he was before I was born. I don’t want to think of my life without Dad and Uncle Justin in it. *** “Gus this's getting ridiculous, I’m the one who's supposed to have wedding night jitters.” “Katherine you wouldn’t believe how complicated these designer label pajamas that Dad got me are. I’ll be there in a minute.” I don’t believe I said that, complicated pajamas. That first summer was so much fun, just being in her presence made the workday speed by. By the end of July we were dating and I even took her into my confidence regarding my plan to give Dad and Uncle Justin happy post prom memories. That school year was hard since I was in my senior year at Chief Joseph High and she had started at Pitt. I was involved in football and she was dating college men. While I never let her see it I was so jealous that I could almost spit at just the idea that she was going out with someone else. Truth be told she did very little dating with anyone else but me but even once was more than I wanted to deal with. I’m more like my Dad than just looking like him even if most of the time people think I’m like Uncle Justin. We made it through the year and she helped with the final parts of the Prom plan. We had a wonderful time at Prom but the most important part of that night was how happy Uncle Justin and Dad were. I told Katherine when I dropped her off at Deb’s that I planned on us being married and having 12 kids someday. She just agreed that we would have a lot of love for our kids just like I had a lot of love from my Dads. I knew right then and there that this wedding night would come to pass; I just didn‘t think I would be afraid to leave the bathroom. That summer after I graduated from Chief Joseph was one of excitement and anticipation. Katherine and I worked at the diner and dated as well. My folks and I made all kinds of plans for when I was going to move to State College to start my college career at Penn State. Then I found out that Uncle Justin’s Dad, Craig Taylor, wanted to try to get back into Uncle Justin’s life. I, being the do-gooder that I am, decided to run one of my plans to get them back together. What a disaster that was. Uncle Justin just blew up at the sight of his father and stormed out of the restaurant. I really thought that I'd blown my relationship with Uncle Justin. The slightest frown from Uncle Justin had always devastated me but when he sent me away and wouldn’t even see me I thought that my life had ended. None of the plans we'd made worked out. Instead of going to State College with Dad and Uncle Justin I went by myself. Instead of Katherine coming to visit me the next weekend like we'd planned my Mothers came to make sure that I was doing OK because of the mess with Uncle Justin. Luckily Uncle Justin and I were able to repair our relationship, I don’t know what I'd have done without Uncle Justin in my life. After that horrible mess I didn’t come home very much and Katherine didn’t have time to come to State College. I did see her when I came home for a couple of weekends and of course we spent most of the holiday breaks together. In the fall of my sophomore year at Penn State Chris Hobbs kidnapped me. That was a horrible time but in the end Uncle Justin saved the day. Katherine didn’t know anything until after it was over and she was so upset at the idea that I might have been killed that she decided that we should date exclusively and that we would get married once we both had graduated from college. I'd known since the day I met her that we were destined to be man and wife but it was nice to know that she finally agreed with that plan. I also lost an uncle because of the kidnapping. As part of the Thanksgiving Holiday Dad threw a party on that Saturday to celebrate the fact that everything had worked out for the best. Michael Novotny and Dad had been best friends forever, Uncle Justin had only been two when they first met when Dad moved and transferred to a new school. I always thought of Mikey as an uncle since he and Dad acted like brothers. At this party though I overheard Mikey talking to Teddy and I lost any respect I ever had for him. Granted he had just had another relationship fall apart and he was drunk but I couldn’t forgive him for what I heard. “Isn’t this the shits Teddy, having a party to celebrate getting out of a mess that shouldn’t have happened in the first place.” “Michael what're you talking about?” “If Brian had just listened to me, his best friend in the world, all of those years ago then Justin wouldn’t have been in his life and Hobbs wouldn’t have kidnapped Gus in an attempt to get Justin back. I told Brian over and over again that Justin wasn’t any good for him. That Justin just wanted him to change his way of living so that Justin would be happy. What did that little twink get Brian into, kidnapped and almost killed just so a madman could get the little twink into his life.” “Michael you know better than this, Brian loves Justin and has loved him for over 20 years. He chose to risk his life in order to free Gus from that madman and Justin risked his life to do the same thing. I know that you're upset that Marc left you and that you're drunk but you need to get over this idiocy that Brian and Justin aren’t meant for each other.” “Hell Brian isn’t meant to love anyone and he doesn’t really love the ‘Boy Wonder’ he's just been fooled and guilted into this so-called relationship. He wasn’t supposed to care about Sonnyboy either, that's something else that Justin messed up.” “Michael you're so fucked up, but we've been friends for a lot of years so I'll take you home before you make a fool of yourself again. Michael you have to realize that Brian was never going to look at you as more than his best friend whether Justin was in his life or not.” “You don’t know that Ted. It's all Justin’s fault, if he'd just stayed away then Brian would've been there for me when Ben was killed and we would've been together like we were supposed to have been.” “Michael you poor deluded fool, come on I’m taking you home before someone hears this nonsense.” I actually couldn’t believe what I'd heard. My Kinney side wanted to go beat the crap out of that little pipsqueak but my Taylor side told me that it would only hurt Deb if I squashed Mikey like the little bug he obviously was. I never thought of Michael as an Uncle again and I hardly spoke to him unless I really had to. To be truthful he's not that bad of a guy when he's being Michael it's just when his Mikey persona takes over that I can't stand to be around him. I try to be nice to him for Dad's sake but sometimes it's very hard. Katherine and I saw each other as often as possible during the school year and we both worked at the Diner every summer. Deb was grooming Katherine to take over the Diner for when she decided to retire in the future. During the semester break of my junior year I had to run a plan to get Uncle Justin to reconcile with his Dad before grandpa died. Unlike the first plan this one worked and Uncle Justin and grandpa did become friendly before grandpa died in March 2022. *** “Augustus Brian get your Kinney attributes out here.” The natives are getting restless but I’ve still not ready to go consummate my wedding. What's wrong with me? During my final semester I got a psychology assignment that I decided to finish as soon as possible so I went home to Pittsburgh and asked Dad and Uncle Justin if they could help me with it by providing some case studies from their lives. I’m 23 years old, a newly married man yet I still call my second father Uncle. I tried once to just call him Justin but it just didn’t seem right and I went back to Uncle Justin within a few days. What I’ve always wanted to call him is Papa but he's against that for some reason. I found out a lot about my Dads from those case studies that explained a lot about their past behaviors. It became even more obvious how much the two loved each other. I just hope that Katherine and I can be in the same ballpark as Dad and Uncle Justin when it comes to our marriage. I’m dreading the day, many many years from now, when Uncle Justin has to deal with the death of Dad. I just know that he'll fall apart without Dad in his life and I know how hard it'll affect me both losing my Dad and dealing with Uncle Justin’s loss. Why am I thinking about something that isn’t going to happen for another 50 years? Dad had been asking me every time I called or we saw each other in person if I'd asked Katherine to marry me yet. It was such a pain, even though I knew he was just pulling my chain. He'd be so surprised if I told him that when push came to shove Katherine asked me to marry her instead of me asking her. The night before I graduated from Penn State we were eating at our favorite restaurant when she actually got on one knee and asked. “Augustus Brian Peterson-Marcus will you marry me?” “Why're you asking me, are you afraid that I’ve given up on my 5 year plan?” “No Gus, I just decided that I wanted to ask first, after all I am the oldest. So what's your answer?” “Like you don’t know. Of course I'll marry you.” Then we set up the plan where I would ask her just after the graduation ceremony was over and I was still in my cap and gown. That little scene left everyone speechless, even Dad. We decide to get married on December 1 though right at this moment I don’t remember why. At the 4th of July family picnic Katherine and I asked Dad and Uncle Justin if they would consent to have a commitment ceremony as part of our wedding. We both thought that it would add to our wedding to have these two wonderful men share it with us. I could've fallen over when Uncle Justin just said: “No, Gus we'll not take anything away from your special day. Your Dad and I'll do everything we can to make that day something you'll always remember but we'll not do anything that takes attention away from you two.” As much as I wanted to discuss this announcement I knew better. I'd learned my lesson years before with the grandpa mess and I wouldn’t risk that ever again. Everyone says that time passes faster and faster the older you get but the months from when Katherine and I announced our wedding plans until today passed in a blink of an eye. I’m glad that Dad hired someone to film the ceremony since I don’t really remember a thing that happened after Uncle Justin woke me up this morning. I do remember how beautiful Katherine was, how cute Tommy and Anna were as the ring bearer and flower girl. Dad and Uncle Justin wore the same tuxes and scarves that they wore at my Prom. Mom and Mama, Deb, Molly, and Grandma Jenn were dressed to the max as well. I do remember what Uncle Justin told me just before we walked out to the altar. “Gus I hope you're half as happy with Katherine as I've been with Brian. If you approach that level of happiness you'll be floating on air every day for the rest of your life. Know that your Dad and I'll always be there for you since we love you, as much as is humanly possible. You've been a wonderful son and I’m sure that you'll be a great husband and father. OK remembering that little conversation helps. Uncle Justin would never be such a coward as I’ve been; hiding in the bathroom. I’ve got these complicated pajamas on and I have no more excuses, it's time to go find out what it's like to be a married man. “Katherine ready or not here I come.” Who would've thought that Brian Kinney’s 23-year-old son would go to his wedding bed a virgin?