Again I need to thank my wonderful beta shire you are the best sweet pea. Who else would put up with me? Love Ya. Oh yeah sorry about the way it's put up I know it's annoying but I don't know how to fix it.......SATURN
Brian's POV: After I left Daphne's apartment, I decided to just drive. I don't remember where I went, I don't remember how I got home. All I know is I managed to get home in one piece. So now I've been pacing the floor of the loft for about two hours. I haven't been able to stop. I know why I'm anxious, I just wish I could do something about it. See Justin is going to a family dinner all by himself. I'm not sure how our little 'family' is going to receive him. Cause I know that with as big a mouth as Mikey has, everyone is going to know what's been going on in our relationship lately. Justin and I could never just have our own private life, it always involved the entire family. They always had to put their two cents in, always telling us to do it this way or do it that way or of course making fun of the big bad Brian Kinney for one reason or another. But I think the kicker was when they made bets on how long we'd last. Can you believe that? I mean yeah, I know I had doubts, I had known that we wouldn't last. That one day I'd have to push him away if he didn't walk away on his own. But this was for his own good, they were doing it and assuming it for totally different reasons. They were doing it cause they believed I didn't love Justin, that I didn't really want him with me. That is so far from the truth, it's not even funny. The little fucks!!! Buzz......buzz!! Agh!!! Who the fuck could that possibly be? I'll just ignore it and maybe they'll go away. I swear that buzzer has gone off at least 10 more times. What the fuck....I finally decide to give who ever is down there a piece of my mind..... "Whoever the fuck is down there get the fuck away from my door now before I call the cops, or I'll come down there and kick the living shit out of you myself!!!!!" "Brian!! Brian wait!!" Aha of course, Mikey. Who else would it be? God I don't want to do this tonight.....although maybe I can find out what happened at dinner tonight. I hit the buzzer to let him in not even bothering to say a word. I open up the loft door, and move over to my little haven, the wet bar!! I pour myself about a half a glass full of beam and sit on the couch just as Mikey is running up to the loft landing. I don't even look over at him. "Jesus...Brian why the fuck weren't you answering your buzzer?" he asks a little winded. I look over at him. "Well Mikey, most likely when someone doesn't answer their door it means that they don't want to be disturbed." I say in a very sarcastic voice. "Well I'm glad you answered. I mean fuck, how dare that little fucker tell you that you can't come to your family's dinner," I whip my head around trying my damnedest to keep my anger under control. I hate it when he does this shit! "Look Mikey he asked me not to come. It was no big deal." I'm trying to play it off, and I'm hoping that he'll leave it alone. Praying he'll leave it alone. "Please leave it alone Mikey. It's not a big deal, he said it was a one time thing." "Damn right it was a one time thing! I made damn sure of that!" What the fuck is he talking about? "What the fuck are you talking about?" My anger is starting to show. I don 't even think he realizes this. What the fuck did he do? "I told you Brian, I told you that he was just trouble, a spoiled little brat!!" He's starting to pace now and I stand up. "But you wouldn't listen to me. You let him manipulate you Brian, and I'm sorry that I didn't stop it sooner. I should've taken care of the little shit sooner." He's practically mumbling now. What the fuck is going on? "I finally made sure he saw the truth Brian you wont ever have to worry about him again." "Really what did you do?" I ask in a very calm voice, which is extremely hard but this is the only way I'm going to get the whole truth out of him. He finally stops pacing, he was starting to make me dizzy and looks me in the eye. "I told him that he was nothing but a cheap whore that you only kept him around because he made you feel responsible for his own fucked up life. I told him that after everything you did for him all he did was take from you and lie to you, and cheat on you. I told him he is totally fucked I told him the truth about how all of us feel about him that we only tolerated him because of you but now nobody feels comfortable with him around. So when he had told us about this little road trip he was having, I told him that he should never come back, that he should just stop fucking up our lives, and leave us the fuck alone." Oh my god!! He didn't.. how could he do this? I think I'm in shock. "What did he say?" my voice is a little shaky. I can't help it. "He said not to worry he was never coming back." Michael has actually got a small smile on his face. I can't believe this, Justin said he wasn't coming back!. My eyes must be popping out of my head and I can feel tears coming to the surface. I open my mouth a couple times but, I can't seem to say anything, I don't even know what to say. I finally get my voice to work... "I..." but he cuts me off. "God isn't that great? We can finally be rid of him Brian. But I think I was right when I told him you..heck all of us would've been better off if you'd just left him on that garage floor....." Before I know it I have my hands around his throat and I'm slamming him against the closest beam. "You asshole, how dare you?" He's got fear in his eyes......he should! "Brian..." he's grabbing at my hands but they aren't budging, I don't think I could even pry them from his throat right now if I wanted to. "What the fuck were you thinking saying those things to him? You were there that night, I let you see how much he means to me...I let you see everything that night. I trusted you with that. So you wish I'd have let my baby die huh? You stupid fuck!" I squeeze a little harder to let him get the feel of death, just the tiniest bit. I want him to know what he wished upon my baby." He's the love of my life.....you know that. Yet you tell him these lies, you tell him he isn't welcome in his family, you make him give up and lose another family?" How could he do this? "You are nothing but a lousy little fuck who can't get over the fact that I will never love you like I love Justin. You could never be to me what Justin is.... you are too much of a whiny, conniving, worthless piece of shit....do you hear? Are you listening to me?" he nods his head. I doubt he could make any kind of verbal response with my hands around his throat like they are. "I never want to talk to you again. If you see me I suggest you run in the other direction, and you better hope I get to Justin before he leaves otherwise I'd hate to see what I do to you. One more thing and this is very important, if you ever so much as look at Justin again I will make sure you regret it for the rest of your life!" I'm screaming at him now. "Do you understand me?" he nods but for this it's not good enough. "Answer me!!!" "Yes" he barely breathes it out. I slowly let go of his throat, and let him fall into a heap on the floor. "You need to get your fucking ass off my floor now, and get out before I decide to throw your ass down the stairs." I say. His head whips up to look at me and I see the hurt in his eyes. Right now I could give fuck about his feelings, I just want him out of my sight. "GET OUT!!!!" He quickly gets to his feet and puts his hand to his throat, oh yeah he's going to have marks. But that's nothing compared to what I'll do to him if Justin leaves town or does something stupid. "I can't believe your choosing him over me?" he had the nerve to talk to me. "I will always choose him over you. I can't believe I was stupid enough to let you say things to him to hurt him the way you did. Well it will never happen again. You will never hurt him again. When I see him I will make sure he knows I love him and, that he's my life, that I will never let a sniveling little shit like you get near him again...I will never let anyone hurt him again! Now get the fuck out of here before I decide to finish what I started." I say with absolutely disgust in my voice. I can't believe I have been best friends with a person like this. I can't believe I didn't see how far gone he was. More importantly I don't know why I allowed him to berate Justin. God I am one fucked up individual. Well guess what. all bets are off now. I'm going to make this right, I'm going to tell him everything. All my thoughts and everything that I should've said a long time ago. I'm going to make him happy and keep him safe. I can't believe it has taken this happening to get me to realize that I'd do anything for my baby. "ANYTHING!" I have to get to him. Oh god please let everything be ok. I grab my keys from the counter, and close and lock the loft door. I run all the way to the Jeep muttering aloud and praying he's not gone. Before I know it I'm standing at Daphne's front door banging on it...god what's taking so long? I must have broken every traffic law getting over here. "Brian?" I hear Daphne's voice. I turn and I see her walking towards me with books and keys in her hands. "What are you doing here....and why are you trying to break down my door?" She's moving over to the door and unlocking it. "I need to see Justin, I've been lying to him. I didn't mean what I told him, I was just scared and I thought I couldn't give him what he wanted. But some things have come to my attention and have made me realize that I'd do anything for him.everything for him to make him happy. I love him and no matter what it takes, I'll make sure that we work things out!" I say this without even taking a breath. Wow I really can do this. I have to smile cause god the look on Daphne's face is absolute shock. I look down at the floor and when I look up Daphne is jumping into my arms. Whoa, what's this all about? "Brian you stupid shit" I can't believe I allow her to get away with calling me something like that but in all reality she's right, even though I'll never admit it. "Thank god you came to your sense's" she says, lowering herself back to the floor. "I just wish you could've done it before doing what you did to Justin. You broke his heart making him think you didn't love him, saying that he wasn't making you happy. I mean, he went to the family dinner tonight to tell them he was going on a road trip just so he could give you back your life. That's how much he loves you." she's moving over to the fridge now. "So that was a lie?" I ask with so much hope in my voice. Please let that have been just a lie. Well it really doesn't matter cause whatever was happening before is all going to change once I see him. Both of our lives are going to be different, wonderfully different. She turns towards me with a smile. That's a good sign. "Yes. It was a lie he's was going to be staying with me, but I guess now that's all going to change. He just wanted you to be happy Brian. He was willing to do what ever it took, so he was walking away from them." she stands in front of the table and picks up a letter..... "Thank god! Well he already makes me happy. I think it's time I start making him happy." I say with my own smile. Ah I feel like a weight has been lifted off my chest....everything is going to be fine. I'll wait for Justin to get back, I'll tell him everything, and I mean everything! I'll tell him how much I love him how much I need him, then I'll beg for forgiveness to get him back with me where he belongs. I start to sit down on the couch when I hear a gasp from Daphne. I stand straight up again and look over at her. She has gotten extremely pale, Oh god no. "What's wrong" I ask. Please don't let it be what I think it is. "He..... he left. He's not coming back." Thank you god, it's not a suicide note. But wait, did she just say he's not coming back? I thought she said that was a lie? I finally make myself walk over to her and she hands me the note. Oh my god this says he'll call when he gets settled somewhere. "Oh fuck!" she's full on crying now. So I take her in my arms, and rub her back. I tell her. "everything is going to be ok Daph. We're going to find him and we are going to bring him back where he belongs. I'm so sorry I did this, I thought it was for the best but I just.I can't live without him." I pull her back so I can see her eyes and she can see mine. So she'll know I mean this. "We are going to find him. I'll hire a private detective. We'll have him back here in no time." I try and give her a smile but it doesn't quite come out. She nods her head and gives a couple of sniffles. "Oh wait! Phone, phone I need a phone." I have to stop myself jesus.. I have a phone. I reach into my coat pocket grab my phone and hit speed dial one. "We're sorry but the number you are trying to reach is no longer in service......" "FUCK!"I yell. While I close up the phone. "What, what's wrong?" "He had his phone disconnected or he just changed the number." she's staring at me and I'm a little lost right now. Look at what I've done. I wanna cry and I can feel the tears threatening to come out but I'm holding onto them as tightly as I can. I don't want to have a break down in front of Daphne. "Well your not going to give up on him are you, your still going hire a private eye if you have to right? I mean your not just going to let him go? Are you?" she sounds desperate, and scared. "I'm going to do everything in my power to get him back, I don't want to spend another day that I don't have to away from him. I'll do whatever it takes. " she nods her head. "Good because Brian, he was torn apart after you two broke up. I don't know if he can do this on his own, I'm scared." And she really does look scared. That gets me even more worried, if anything ever happened to him, I don't know if I could make it through that. I doubt I'd want to. I shake my head . "No Daphne, he is the strongest person I know, he will make it through until I can find him and make all this right. He has to. I can't lose him like that." "Ok Brian. So what do we do now?" "Alright, there is something I have to take care of really quick, but you have my cell phone number. If he calls you, get him to tell you where he is and try to get his cell phone number so I can call him back okay?" she nods her head "Ok." "Ok." I give her big hug and I move over to the door. "It's going to be alright." "I know." With that I leave. There's someone I need to take care of. I pull up outside of the diner and I see the whole gang is here so I get out and make my way inside. Nobody notices me at first, they are too busy doing the whole 'oh poor Michael, Brian is a monster' thing. Well let's just see about that, it's time to set them straight on the facts. I get over to Michael and instinct takes over. I punch him right in the jaw. Before anyone has a chance to stop me, I grab him around the throat. I can faintly hear people screaming at me, but the pain and anger inside me are the only things that seem to matter. "ARE YOU HAPPY NOW? HE LEFT. AND HE LEFT THINKING THAT THE WHOLE FAMILY WOULD'VE BEEN BETTER OFF IF I'D LEFT HIM TO DIE ON THE GARAGE FLOOR. HE LEFT THINKING THAT HIS FAMILY COULDN'T STAND HIM! HE LEFT THINKING I DIDN'T LOVE HIM" They finally pry me off of him and the whole family is looking between us. This is the first they are learning of this but I was not about to let Michael get away with it. With letting them think he'd done nothing wrong. What the fuck is he talking about Michael?" Debbie asks hands on her hip with a 'don't you even think about bullshitting me' look. "All I did was tell him the truth." Michael says, he's such a little shit! "No what he told him was that he was just tolerated by all of you for my sake, that you didn't love him and he should leave and never come back." Deb takes this time to smack Michael upside his head the hardest I have ever seen her do it. His head almost hits the table from the force. "That's not even all of it. He called him a cheap whore." Everyone gasps at that. Yeah that's the same way I felt. "But hold on we're not done, we haven't even gotten to the best part of it yet, he told him......he told him that I, that we all would've been better off if I had let him die in that parking garage." I rub my eyes and everyone is just so stunned. I don't know what to do. "How could you", "how dare you", "you little bastard" these comments fly out of all their mouths, I'm not even sure which is coming from whom. All of the sudden, Lindsay smacks Michael, wow I wasn't expecting that. I don't think anyone else was either cause everyone has shocked looks on their faces. "I can't believe you Michael, you had no right to speak for me or any of us. You are just a jealous pathetic little man who wanted what Justin had. You may be older than he is, but he is twice the man that you will ever be. Now we are leaving, and I suggest you pray that Justin comes home in one piece cause if he doesn't, I'm holding you responsible." This is the most frighteningly calm voice I have ever heard in my life, hell she even scared me. She gets up and leaves but Mel goes on to say.. "I can't believe that you would be so cruel to someone who has never done anything to you." With that she gets up and walks out. I look over to Deb and she's got tears running down her face. She hasn't said anything yet and I'm not sure what's going on in her mind. Ted and Emmett get up out of the other booth and Ted doesn't say anything he just shakes his head and walks out of the diner. I knew however, that Em wouldn't be happy with this... "All he ever wanted was to be loved and to give love in return. He never did anything to you Michael. You had nothing to do with what happened between him and Brian. You should've just left it alone. You should've gotten over your petty jealousy and tried to help them be happy together like any real best friend would've done but you couldn't. You and your stupid unrealistic fantasies of Brian and you together took center stage. You disgust me." With that he pats my shoulder and turns to leave. At this time Ben pushes Michael out of the booth and gets up he starts to head for the door, "Ben where are you going?" Michael asks in a pleading voice. "I can't be here right now. I need to really think some things over. I'll give you a call when I figure some stuff out." and then he's gone too. Michael looks at me with anger in his eyes. "What the fuck is wrong with all of you? Look at all Justin has done to us, to me. Look at all the things he has taken away from me, and yet you all stand by him like he's some innocent little angel." Oh no, no, no! "You...."Deb says, tears running down her face." You weren't raised this way. You were raised to love and cherish each and every life. How did you learn such hate? Where did I go wrong that you could say such things to a person? Not to mention the fact that it's the person your best friend loves, that you've know for almost two years. He helped you make your dream come true Michael. He doesn't even really like comic books, but he did it because he thought you two were friends. He never once tried to take Brian from you. In fact, he got you two back together from what you told me after your 30th birthday. Yet you still held all of this hatred for him. You know I always thought that it was Brian's fault for leading you on, for you never having a boyfriend that would stick around. But then I learned something after the whole David thing and then when Ben finally came along. He was just looking out for you, he knew David wasn't right for you so he tried to protect you, I didn't see it but he did. Then when Ben came along he totally stepped aside. He knew Ben was good for you so he didn't interfere. Now look at what you've done because you let jealousy and hate run your life. You've probably lost Ben and you have driven Sunshine away. You have disappointed me in more ways than I can count today Michael." she turns around and heads the back of the diner. Michael hasn't taken his eyes off the table since his mom started talking. Good maybe that got through to him. I turn to leave but I feel a hand on my arm so I stop and take a breath and turn around. "Look maybe I shouldn't have said some of the things I said, but you can't let him come between us like this." I give a snort and I can't believe this. "He never came between us. Never. But....you did." I yank my arm free and turn and leave. I finally get back to the loft and I head over to the bar and get myself a tall glass of beam. I really need something to calm my nerves right now. My baby's gone. I down the glass and it really burns going down I wince at the burn. I have to get him back. I grab my phone and look over at the computer desk for the phone book. I look up private investigators. 'Wow there are a lot of these guys.' "Who to chose?" I think I'll try this one......