-Be With Me In BriTin-

Hold my hand in the darkness as I stand by your side.
The way’s lit by your love, so with you I’ll abide.
Our hearts fused as one, through our union of two,
Unfolding the future, abiding with you.                                 -- My verse for Brian and Justin.

~~~

Three Months Later 

Brian’s POV

“Jesus Christ, Brian. They’re fucking gorgeous!” Deb took the small velvet box from my outstretched hand to examine the two rings more carefully. “Did Sunshine design these?”

“Uh, no, I did.” I admitted, wondering for the billionth time whether I should have taken this liberty. “He doesn’t know about these yet. He thinks we’re getting traditional wedding bands.”

“Oh, Honey…he’s gonna just love them!” Deb gazed down on the two rings, glinting gold and silver against the sleek black velvet of the box. 

Delicate thin strands of glimmering yellow and white gold twined together to fashion each ring, contrasting and defining one another, as their future bearers had always done. At the centre of each was a small golden Claddagh; a traditional Irish symbol portraying two hands clasping a heart surmounted by a crown. 

I had chosen the symbol for that ancient truth it ultimately signified; Love Conquers All.

The rings were identical except for the tiny jewel imbedded at the centre of ecah the heart motifs. His was of brilliant azure, mine of sparkling amber (the closest I could come to hazel). After hours of pouring over designs and symbols and materials, these rings were the closest I could come to an embodiment of us and our forthcoming union.   

I don’t think Deb really understood the symbolism, but she could sense the magnitude of the gesture and the trouble I had taken to strive for its perfection. She reached up and put a hand on my cheek, looking up at me with eyes overflowing with maternal pride and affection.

“You make me so proud, Baby,” she told me. “Who’d have thought that your heart would outshine us all? The rest of us just pale in comparison.” She closed the ring case and handed it back to me, holding both my hands in hers for a moment. “You may be a fucker sometimes, but you’re a good man, Brian Kinney.”

“Thanks.” I responded quietly, not trusting myself to look at her, but instead staring down at the small black box I held in my hands. 

I wondered what had possessed me to show her the rings…she hadn’t asked, she hadn’t even known about them- no one did. But when she’d turned up at my door, bearing something doubtlessly edible wrapped in a towel, I suppose I felt the need for some kind of approval.

Although outwardly more elated than I ever remembered being in my life, inside I was terrified of fucking up this miracle, this dream come true. Debbie, my mother for all intents and purposes, had known me much longer than I’d known myself, and she had never been wrong. Her approval seemed to lift a weight from my chest I hadn’t known was there.

After returning the ring case to its Justin-proof hiding spot, I went back to Deb who had made herself comfortable on the Italian leather sofa. Seeing what she was doing and realizing what it was she had smuggled in under the towel, I slid around the coffee table and slumped down beside her.

“OK, spill.” I sighed. When Deb gave me an affronted look, I continued. “You’ve brought me tuna macaroni casserole so you’ve obviously going to talk to me about something life altering. Just remember I’m getting married in three days, so nothing too mind-blowing, OK?”

“Didn’t know I was getting so predictable,” Deb smiled, handing me the fork she seemed to have pulled out of thin air. Feeling a bit relived I didn’t have any smouldering joints kicking around this time, I took the fork, jabbed it into the casserole and looked up at her expectantly.

“Sunshine told me about the problem you two are having,” Deb explained, leaping right in there with both feet as she always did. “I could see it was upsetting him, but I knew it would upset you even more. Only you wouldn’t let anyone know it.”

Fuck, she was good. Sometimes it scared me how she could read me as if I were a book.

‘The problem’ to which she was referring was the exact same one the Floridian surgeon had so gravely warned me about. There was nothing, absolutely nothing, I could do to get a rise out of Justin. It had been a month since we’d been given the OK to try having sex again, and we had done so relentlessly every single day since, but only to bleak disappointment.

I’d managed to bring him aggravatingly close on two occasions, but it was a very, very small fruit of our labour. It was early days yet, but I hated the way the continued failures despaired and distressed my husband-to-be. I could actually see it tearing at something inside him.

“I promised him, Deb.” I told her, staring down at the fork twirling idly in her fishy creation. “I told him we’d make it work and I’m failing miserably. I’m scared shitless about what he’ll do or think if I can’t give him a First Night fuck.”

“You don’t fuck on your First Night, you make love,” Deb informed me snappishly, making me feel like a romantic ludite. She put out a hand to mine and dipped her head to look into my eyes. “Honey, Justin’s difficulty is absolutely not your fault.”

“I know it’s not my fucking fault.” I retorted, a bit more harshly than I intended. “And I know he just needs time but…but I just wish I could do something for him. I wish I could spare him of this. I feel so helpless.”

“I know, Baby.” Deb assured me soothingly, giving my hand a mothering squeeze. “But life is no crystal staircase. We all have to endure some hardship- I did when Vic died, you did when Sunshine was bashed. What matters is that that there are people who stand with us until those times pass. People who guide us through them and are there for us on the other side.”

I nodded, shifting my gaze away from hers. She was right, of course. But knowing this didn’t make it any easier for me, or for Justin. Deb seemed to sense what I was thinking and went on gently, soothingly.

“Don’t worry about what you can’t give him, Honey. Think about what you can and have given him.” She put a hand on my arm and I looked up at her. 

“You’ve given him his life back, Brian, you’ve given him a future. You’ve offered him a career at Kinnetic, you’ve sacrificed Babylon, you’ve given up fucking around for his sake. You’ve given him Gus; a new family, a new step-son. Brian, you’ve given him your entire fucking life.”

“He’s given me his,” I told her softly, “and that’s all I want.”

“Then that’s all that matters, Honey.” Deb put her hand to my cheek again and I looked down into her caring, loving, honest eyes. “And to hell with everything else.”

I believed her. In the ocean of love that stretched endlessly around Justin and I, our hardships, those we shared and those we challenged alone, were little more than drops of rain falling unnoticed onto its brilliant, shimmering surface.

We just had to trust in the truth which had always borne us up; Love Conquers All.

~~~

Three Days Later; ‘First Night’

Justin’s POV

“Promise me, Sunshine.”

“I promise,” I whispered against Brian’s ear as he held me tightly against his warm, solid body. I tired to make myself believe in what I was promising him; that if this didn’t work, I wouldn’t be distressed, that I knew he’d be utterly satisfied with whatever happened. That I understood we now had a lifetime to get it right.

But I wanted to get it right this time. I wanted it to be perfect. This night of all nights.

Brian kissed me again, deeply and intensely, before turning me gently in his arms. I knelt at the head of the bed and gripped the headboard firmly with both hands. I felt him kneel close behind me, his legs on either side of mine, his knees on a level with my own. The curve of my back fitted perfectly against the curl of his shoulders and the hollow of his chest, as if we were two pieces of the same divine puzzle.

His hands and lips were all over my body all at once, stroking, kissing, and caressing me everywhere. I was trembling with anticipation, and the paths his hands traced across my skin raised goosebumps on my flesh. If felt him in every fibre of my being; inside and outside and surging through every molecule of space in between.

It was a routine, the way this had to be done. A routine that we had practiced over and over again, and though it always fell aggravatingly short at the very last moment, it had twice brought us so very close.

I hoped and prayed with all my heart and soul that it would hold up for us now; that we would be able to leap that last, final hurdle and persevere to the glorious finish.

“Don’t force it, Baby, just let it come.” 

Brian words were tender and encouraging, spoken softly as I felt his hand travel from the nape of my neck to the small of my back, tracing the contours of my spine and tailbone. I heard myself utter a soft cat-like mew as he slid two lubed fingers inside me suddenly. I squeezed my eyes shut, gripped the head board a bit harder, and rocked back against the welcome invasion.

We had discovered early on that it took an incredible amount of stimulation to bring me even marginally close to an orgasm. I focused all my mind and body on this stimulus now, all of which had to be wholly of Brian’s creation. He now knew exactly what to do and when to do it. It was insanely complicated and demanded incredible accuracy in terms of position and timing, but Brian embraced the challenge wholeheartedly.

I had tried for mouths after I’d recovered from the operation to try to induce orgasms on my own, but only to spectacular failure. I had tried everything- every single trick in the book- but despite having collapsed in exhaustion and tears of frustration on numerous occasions, I had never been able to do it. Not even once, not even close.

But Brian could almost do it. And he knew I relied entirely on him now.

I hissed softly as his long fingers brushed against the exposed nerves where my prostate had once been. The nerves themselves were so hypersensitive that it almost hurt, but Brian was always careful not to let the pain override the pleasure. 

He began to graze his finger tips over them, pressing gently and making me gasp. His other hand closed over my cock and began to stroke it hard and fast, initiating the next step of the process. I maintained my death grip on the headboard, retaining our combined balance, trying to keep up with him by pushing back against his fingers and then up into his hand.

He was simultaneously stretching me open with his fingers, and the combination of the burn, the sharp, stabbing sensations he was creating inside me, and his aggressive pumping of my cock were sending fireworks spiralling through my body. 

“Brian…please…” I whimpered as his administrations began to increase in speed and pressure.

“Not yet, Sunshine.” Brian chided softly against the nape of my neck. “You’re not there yet. Lemme bring you a bit closer.”

I bit my lip hard to stop another plea escaping. It was such a contraction, such a bizarre decoupling. I could still barely wrap my head around the fact that if I reacted to the feeling of approaching a mind-blowing climax, it wouldn’t happen. It was such a hard thing to do- like trying to convince myself that ten didn’t come after nine.

I’d needed to train myself to accept the notion that regardless of what came beforehand, without precise, exact timing of the appropriate stimuli, all the fire and passion would suddenly plateau, then fizzle out and die pathetically. And by now, I was all too aware of what that felt like.

But it wouldn’t happen now. Not tonight.

I cried out again as Brian twisted his fingers suddenly inside me, hooking them upwards as he pulled out, scraping against the raw nerve endings. He continued to fist my cock with one hand while groping for the condom with the other (he’d gotten really good at multitasking as of late). I heard a few items on the bedside table crash to the floor before I felt him straighten up behind me, accompanied by the sound of the latex being unravelled.

“Down.” He ordered, directing me with a hand on my shoulder. Knowing what he meant, I let go of the headboard and dropped to my hands and knees, allowing him the accesses he needed, gripping the sheets hard in my fists. 

We both knew that time was of the essence now; there was a very narrow window in which my body would actually respond appropriately to the sexual stimulus. Brian also knew he had to be aggressive or it wouldn’t work. Aggressive, but never impersonal, never un-loving.

We’d promised ourselves that when we could make it slow and sensual, when it was really, truly love-making and not fucking, we could phase out that thin, latex barrier between us. Now that we belonged entirely to one another, it was a desirable option. It could take months to achieve such a feat, perhaps even years, but I resolved to be patient and to bask in the radiance of what I already had.

“Brian!” I almost screamed when he pushed all the way into me in a single deep thrust, rocking me so far forwards that I almost lost my balance. 

“C’mon, Mr. Taylor-Kinney, show me you love it!” 

His growl came right against my ear as he pressed his chest down against my back. I arched up into it like a cat, gasping groans and mewing noises escaping unchecked from my lips. I felt his hands on mine, twining my fingers in his, and felt his feet curl themselves around my ankles. 

I concentrated hard on what I was feeling, trying to keep up with the tidal wave of tremendous sensation. He’d designed the deep, sweeping trusts he was giving especially to massage the sensitive nerves without inducing the stabbing pain. I knew suddenly that we were approaching that perilous point; that last hurdle which had always defected us.

My vision was blurred and as I looked down at our hands, the fingers twined so tightly I could tell his from mine, the wedding rings stood out in shining brilliance, blurred into a single radiant pool of golden light. The sight jump-started something deep inside me, realising the elixir that had been dormant for so long.

I felt the tingling, prickling sensation and I knew it was going to happen. An unbridled outpouring of joy and relief and sheer euphoria rushed through my veins as the white hot wave of ecstasy began to surged upward through my body. 

At that second, that moment, I stood on the highest point I had ever attained in my whole life. The highest peak I’d ever been set upon, or would stand on ever again.

And he was there with me, looking down on the world that had tried so hard to prevent our predestined victory. We had done it together against all odds; had accomplished everything there was to accomplish, and more. My Brian and I. My lover, my husband. My everything and always.

Wanting to imprint and impress my ecstasy and gratitude on his very soul, I trust my hips up and back, pushing him all the way inside me before clenching my muscles as tightly as I could around him while still in the throws of my long awaited climax. 

I screamed out the words pumping like wild, roaring flames through my body and my mind and my spirit.

“I LOVE YOU!”

He gasped, his hands clinching painfully, deliciously at my skin, making the strangled groans and grunts deep in his throat he reserved for exceptionally mind-blowing orgasms. I could imagine his face, the blood causing it to pulse red, teeth clenched, eyes screwed shut, the veins of his neck standing out. I kept clenching my muscles until I felt them start to burn and knew I’d have to release him.

He rocked us forwards and I collapsed onto my stomach, Brian falling against my back, his weight delightfully warm and firm and real. Blanketing me, protecting me, claiming me as his own. And I was his now, and he was mine. Forever and ever and always.

Still deep inside me, he wrapped his arms around my waist and chest from behind, pressing us as close together as we could be without actually becoming a single entity. I felt his wet, warm lips on my neck and shoulders and the hollow behind my ear. We were both perspiring and panting hard, my back heaving against his chest in synchrony with his indrawn breaths. It was so perfect. So beautiful. So us.

“I’m so proud of you,” Brian whispered, his voice soft and breathy against me ear. I heard his breath hitch as he spoke his next words. “You make me so happy, Baby. I love you so fucking much.”

I reached a trembling hand out blindly behind me and buried it in his soft silken hair, pulling his face down next to mine. I kissed every inch of it I could reach; his cheek, his lips, his eyelids and nose, tasting the saltiness of his overwhelming emotion. I found his ear and pressed my lips up against it.

“I’m the one who should be proud; proud of my selfless, courageous, tirelessly loving husband. I love you, Brian, and I’ll only love you more with every second I live. And when we die, every molecule that is me will find every one that’s you and we’ll join together so tightly we’ll never come apart again.”

A tear slid from Brian’s face, down onto my cheek and into my mouth; warm, wet and salty. I held onto him, the hand with his bracelet tangled in his beautiful hair, the other clutching at his hand on my chest, trying to prevent him from flying into thousands of pieces. I kissed his face tenderly and whispered soft, gentle words against his ear.

“What’re you thinking about, Baby?” I asked him in a whisper, nuzzling gently at the hollow behind his ear. 

Brian was silent for a long time, then his voice came softly as a breath of wind against the stillness of a world that had shrunk to the feel of our bodies, the warmth of our breaths and the beating of our hearts united as one.

“I don’t know if this is an end or a beginning.”

“This isn’t either.” I whispered back, as I felt his arms tighten around me and our bodies melt into one. “But I think it might be the end of a beginning.”

~~~

Epilogue and Afterward

Whether the future of this tale enlightens inspiration into words or if those words are destined to remain unwritten, Brian and Justin will live forever in what they have always deserved; 

A happily ever after.

THE END


Thanks so much to everyone for reading and for all the fabulous reviews. I sincerely hope you enjoyed reading this story as much as I loved writing it  --Sapphire