Justin's POV

Fight or flight. 

Gripped by a paralysis born of fear, I could think only of those two basic, elemental options. Survival meant one or the other.

A frantic mantra in a silent scream began pulsating through my mind, “Brian where are you? Brian, I need you. Brian come back, come back…” I tried desperately to send the message through the ether of time and space like a telepathic S.O.S.

Trying to run would be useless; Ethan was blocking the door into the hall, and even if I could get past him, I would fall and break my neck if I attempted the stairs on crutches. There was no where else to run, no where else to hide. I would never be able to move fast enough.

Trapped, like an animal backed into a corner by a tormentor, I knew I’d have to turn and fight. I felt the blood in my veins turn to ice. 

“Justin? Baby?” Ethan’s voice startled me so badly I actually jerked, inhaling a sharp gasp of air.

Ethan moved carefully towards me, smiling, holding out his hands in a friendly way, as if we were just two friends passing on the street. I knew this was a trap; a guise of friendship and concern to placate me so I could be led like a lamb to the slaughter.

“Justin, it’s OK,” Ethan spoke again, his voice soft and kindly. “I’ve been waiting for so long to get to you. I need you, baby; I had to see you again.”

Ethan put his hand on my upper arm and I flinched as if he’d touched me with a red hot poker. I didn’t want his hands on my body; I hated his touch with repulsion so intense the response had been completely involuntary. I didn’t even want to touch him to push him away from me, so I stepped backwards instead.

“Don’t touch me!” I hissed savagely, putting my hands up in frount of me like a shield. I felt hysteria rising inside me and it edged out in my voice. “Get away from me!”

“Baby, please, listen to me!” Ethan’s sweet-as-honey voice suddenly had an edge of harshness in it as he caught hold of my elbow. “Just hear me out!”

“No!” I heard myself almost scream as I wrenched my arm free and staggered backwards. “Get away! Get out!”

I knew I had to stop cowering and retreating; somehow I knew it was what Ethan wanted. He stopped advancing and held his hands up as if in surrender and I stopped too, knowing that I couldn’t take my eyes or my focus off him for a second. I fought to get a handle on the fear and panic raging within me.

‘Brian, come back!’ I thought desperately. ‘I need you…’

“C’mon, Beautiful, just listen to me, OK?” Ethan’s voice had a condescending, soothing quality to it, as if he were trying to reason with a child having a temper tantrum. I didn’t say or do anything and tried to keep my face expressionless, knowing that Ethan fed on and thrived off of my hysterical fear. 

“I’ve been waiting outside on the street since yesterday, trying to get in to see you,” Ethan told me, as if stalking me was the most romantic thing ever. “Brian’s dropped me in some pretty deep shit. The police are looking for me because he told them some viscous lies about me. He was probably spouting them to you, too.”

Ethan sidled a little closer to me, and I fought the urge to back away, keeping my eyes riveted on his as he continued, “You know why he did that, don’t you, Baby? He wants to have me arrested to keep us apart forever- but don’t worry, I’m not going to let that happen. I risked everything to see you, Justin, everything. Because I can’t live without you.”

It was sickening. I was disgusted at Ethan’s shameless, barefaced lies and appalled that he actually thought I would fall for them. How could I have ever thought I loved this…this perverted monster? 

Anger and repulsion had started to percolate into my already over stimulated mind, though not strongly enough to edge out the almost blinding fear. I had to calm down and think straight…Ethan was afraid of Brian- that was my trump card- and as a last resort, I decided to try playing it.

“Brian will be back any minute,” I told Ethan, using every ounce of willpower to try and keep my voice flat and emotionless. “He’ll kill you if he finds you here. Ethan, please go- I…I don’t to see you beaten to death.”

That last sentence- a lie on my part- had been a terrible mistake.

“It’s alright, Baby. You don’t have to be scared of him anymore- I’ve come to take you away.” Ethan assured me in the same condescending tone, as if he were trying to comfort me. Jesus Christ- had Ethan fucked me up so badly I used to swallow any of this bullshit? “Brian is so selfish and possessive of you, and he’s so jealous of me. I’ll have to keep him away from you, My Prince; you know how violent he is.”

“Violent, Ethan? HE’S the one who’s violent?!” I hissed as fiery anger surged up within me, consuming all caution and fear. “Brian loves me! He’s not fucking selfish, he’s protecting me from you! He hates you because you hurt me! You’re the one who’s violent and selfish!”

“Baby, shh…” Ethan cooed, although I saw anger flashing in his eyes. I had seen that flash of rage before and it scared me into silence. “I never hurt you- you know I didn’t. Everything I did to you, you loved, you begged for. Brian just wants to make you think I hurt you. Don’t you get it, Kitten? Brian doesn’t love you. He’s jealous because you chose me, remember? His huge fucking ego couldn’t take it.”

“Shut UP!” I screamed the last word out, no longer trying to control my emotion. I was so full of burning, fiery abhorrence for Ethan that I no longer cared about protecting myself. I was overcome by hatred so intense it consumed everything else in the world. “I HATE you, Ethan, I HATE you!”

Ethan’s viscous slap across my face took me by surprise, snapping my head back as the pain of it exploded, blurring my vision and making my head swim. I felt myself being propelled backwards and pinned up against something- a pillar- Ethan’s body crushed hard against mine. His lips smashed themselves against my mouth, his tongue so far down my throat I almost gagged. 

“You love me, little boy,” Ethan hissed savagely when he finally let me up for air. Stars danced in frount of my eyes as pain seared through me skull; Ethan was wrenching my head back by the hair so hard it felt as if he were ripping chunks out of my scalp by the roots. He licked my throat and I felt bile rising there in response.

“You love me. You want me. No one will ever love you like I do. No one would die for you like I would.” Ethan’s mouth was pressed right against my ear, and I suddenly became aware of his other hand groping my ass, sliding into the waistband of my pants. “You’re my Prince, Baby. You’re gonna be mine forever, and you’re gonna be good for me, aren’t you?”

Ethan wrenched my head back again as I felt two of his fingers pushed roughly, brutally inside me, invading my body. I couldn’t suppress a cry of pain and hatred, and I saw Ethan laugh just before he clamped his mouth on mine again. There were tears of pain and helplessness and desperation on my face, as I tried feebly to force his tongue out of my mouth.

I was gasping and sobbing at the same time when Ethan let me breath again. My lungs were burning, my knee throbbed with agony, and my body ached all over. Ethan pulled me up the hair and whispered right next to my ear.

“I’m gonna make you tell that fucker Brian you hate him because he took you away from me. I’m gonna watch while you make him weep.”

Something inside me snapped.

An extraordinary powerful force came suddenly roaring through me at that moment, lending me superhuman strength and unearthly supremacy. I swore in that second, I felt Brian’s real, physical presence- not around me or beside me- but from somewhere deep, deep inside me, exploding outwards.

I threw Ethan off me with enough force to send him staggering backward, and I was surging after him. I hit him full in the face with all the force of my shoulder and arm, feeling my fist connecting with the side of his jaw. Without thinking, without even knowing what I was doing, I swung the other fist at his face and actually thought I could feel his nose breaking with the force behind the punch.

A third terrible, smashing blow of fist on bone send Ethan crashing to the floor, flaying his own arms and catching me hard on the temple. I didn’t even feel the pain, although I was vaguely aware of blood beginning to flow down my face. I didn’t care. I was oblivious to everything except the enormous towering, blinding rage.

Flinging myself down on Ethan’s body, I managed to wrap my hands tight around his neck and squeezed hard, wrenching his head from side to side. Ethan fought hard, yelling, kicking, striking out at my face and clawing at my arms and hands, but I held on relentlessly. Ethan began to grow weaker and more feeble as his body began to starve of oxygen.

I watched the anger in his eyes turn to alarm and then panic and then into pure terror.

That was what I’d been waiting for. What I’d wanted to see.

“How does it feel, Ethan? How does it feel to be where I was?” I hissed at him, still squeezing hard as I looked into Ethan’s terrified, pleading eyes. “I’m not you prince, you fucker- I’ve never worn your crown of thorns. You know I never, ever loved you. No one could ever love you, no one ever will. No one will love you like Brian loves me.” 

Ethan feet drummed weakly on the floor, as I spoke to him, the blood from the cuts on his face glinting in the lights as the scarlet rivulets oozed down his face. It reminded me of the nightmare, but somehow, it no longer scared or even disturbed me. Inside me, Ethan had already died.

Just as Ethan’s eyes began to go glassy, as his lids began to lower in defeat, I leaned down and spoke in his ear.

“Take this to hell with you, Ethan; I. Love. Brian. I always, always will.”

I was asked later what made me stop strangling Ethan, what prevented me from actually killing him. The answer was simple; I’d thought he was dead. When he lost consciousness, I held on for a few seconds longer before letting go and slowly, almost calmly, getting to my feet and backing slowly away.

I stood for what seemed like a long time, looking down at his body, not thinking anything at all; staring into space, my mind a complete blank. I guess that’s why I didn’t notice he was still breathing. I could just watch in fascination as his blood began to drip for the sides of his face into little pools of scarlet on the floor.

“I love Brian,” I repeated to the empty air, into the vacuum of time and space that suddenly seemed to have engulfed me. I began to shake so badly I couldn’t stand, and I suddenly found myself on the floor, although I didn’t seem to be aware of how I’d gotten there. 

I didn’t know it then, but I was going into an advanced state of shock.

The last coherent thing I remember was seeing Brian’s horrified face when he returned to the loft a few minutes later.