Justin knew he shouldn't stay. He knew he should leave. But where? At the moment, he didn't care. He had spent the last hour staring at the cold soup in front of him. Finally, unable to take it any longer, he dumped the soup down the sink, tossed the sandwiches in the trash, changed into a pair of jeans and was ready to grab his jacket from his bedroom closet, when the front door opens.

Putting on his jacket, Justin walks out of his bedroom, stopping at the door to find Brian standing there.

Justin refuses to look at him, and instead tries to walk past him. Brian asks softly, "Where are you going?"

Justin coldly responds, "You care?" and brushes past Brian's shoulder.

"Yes."

Stopping at the door, Justin takes hold of the knob, "Too little, too late, Brian."

"Where are you going?"

"Out."

"Where?" Brian asks again, not daring to turn around to see whether Justin was going to open the door behind him.

Closing his eyes, Justin feels his body waver. This was too much. "I don't know."

"Can I come?"

"Where?" Justin asks softly.

"Wherever you're going."

Slowly, Justin turns around, facing Brian's back. He asks carefully, "Why?"

Taking a deep breath, Brian turns to look at Justin. God, he's so beautiful. "Because..." Say it, Kinney. "Because I want to be with you."

Justin forces himself not to smile, "Be with me how?"

Fuck, Brian curses to himself, "You have to make it hard for me, huh?"

Justin's expression doesn't change. "You told me you want me in your life, but you didn't tell me where."

Sighing, Brian walks away towards the couch. "Justin..."

Justin remains by the door.

Glancing over at him, Brian asks quietly, "Take your coat off."

Biting the inside of his lip, Justin waits a few seconds before complying. Tossing the jacket over the kitchen counter, he heads over to the couch to join Brian. "What?"

Sighing again, Brian looks away, rubbing his eyes before taking off his own jacket. Fuck!

This is going to take awhile. Justin knew he was acting cold towards Brian, but he didn't care. He was angry. Sitting down on the couch, he watches Brian pace.

Stopping, Brian looks at Justin. He's so fuckin' pissed at me. I deserve it. Fuck. "Look, I'm... I shouldn't have left like that."

"No shit." Justin wasn't about to be push-over. No more.

Brian looks away again, keeping his back to Justin. "Justin, I..." Fuck, Kinney!

Leaning his head back, Justin stares at the ceiling. "If it's this hard for you, Brian... then it's obviously not real."

"What?" Brian turns back to Justin.

Justin continues to stare at the ceiling. "You can't force yourself to have feelings for someone. Don't pretend to have them on my account."

"Fuck, Justin, is that what you think I'm doing?" Brian stares at him. He didn't know whether to shake him or laugh.

Justin inhales deeply. "It's okay, Brian..."

"No!" Brian argues, "Fuck that, Justin! That isn't what I'm trying to do! You know me fuckin' better than that!"

Ignorning the ceiling for the time being, Justin returns his gaze onto Brian, "Then what, Brian?"

Sighing, Brian walks over to where Justin is sitting. "Justin." Fuck. Why can't I say those words? Taking another deep breath, he sits down on the coffee-table, facing Justin. "I..." Look at him. Kinney, you know what you want to tell him! "I want..." He looks away. This is hard. "I...I want you...in my life."

Justin smiles softly. So he won't say it. Did I really expect him to?

Taking Justin's hands in his, he looks into Justin's eyes. "I'm not good at saying shit like this, Justin. You know that. I thought my actions said the words for me." Clearing his throat, he tries to find those missing words.

Brian touches Justin's lips to prevent him from speaking. He had to say this. All of it. "I..I care. Fuck, Justin. It's more than that."

Justin nods. He doesn't have to say it. I know. I know. Brian, I know. "Brian--"

Brian touches Justin's lips again, "I'm not done." Sighing, he stares at Justin for a few moments before continuing. "The first time I thought I was in love, I was a kid. I was a stupid kid who knew jack-shit about the world... I don't want you to make the same mistakes I did."

Justin smiles softly, knowing better than to speak.

"You're young. You're hot. You could have any guy in Pittsburgh if you wanted to."

"I don't want 'any guy' in Pittburgh. I want --"

"Justin, please."

"Sorry," Justin apologizes; it's hard not to interrupt.

"I know. You want me. And I fuckin' fought that. I fought it because I thought I knew better than you. I fought it because I didn't...I didn't want to hurt you, and I didn't..." Fuck. "I didn't want you to hurt me."

"How--?"

"Justin, if you don't shut up,--"

"Sorry," Justin blushes.

Brian continues, holding back his own smile, "You can make me smile. You know what makes me laugh. You know things about me that I didn't even know about myself." Swallowing hard, he pushes himself to go on. "You made me realize what I wanted in life."

Justin refrains from interrupting.

"Justin. What I want in my life is you." Keep going... "I want you in my life... the way you've been saying you want us to be."

Don't cry, Justin. If you cry you might miss something he's going to say! Justin bites his tongue.

"You say that love is wanting to be with only one person and that person wants to only be with you..." Breathe. "I feel that... with you. I feel that way with you, Justin."

Justin brightens. That was more than he had ever expected to hear from Brian.

"I'm not saying that I'm going to suddenly morph into some Stepford whateverthefuck... but... I know what I want, and...and I'm going to try to make it work...because I... I want to be with you, and only you."

Grinning, Justin is about to speak, when Brian adds quickly, "But don't expect me to stop going to Babylon and shit... I said I'll try... I can't give you more than that... I'm not going to make a promise to you and then fuck it up."

Justin continues to grin. He knew that Brian was afraid of hurting him, and if giving him that opening made Brian feel safer, then Justin was more than happy to let him have it... for now.

Finally, Brian smiles. He felt like a weight had just been lifted off his shoulders and he was flying. This feeling was better than any drug he could ever imagine...well, next to fucking, of course.

Leaning in towards Brian's mouth, Justin whispers tenderly, "I love you."

Brian smiles, kissing Justin's lips. Lifting him up in his arms, Brian carries him to the bedroom, their lips still locked together. God, he tastes so good... so right...

"Wait," Justin stops Brian with his voice.

"What?" Fuck, what did I do wrong? Did I say something wrong? Did I hurt him? Oh fuck, Kinney, what did you do?!

Looking deep into Brian's eyes, Justin asks cautiously, "Are you sure...? I mean, are you ready for a... you know, relationship."

Relieved, Brian smiles, lightly kissing Justin's lips before answering, "Yes, Justin. I am more than ready." Smiling softly, he kisses him one more time, loving the feel of Justin's mouth against his, "I want a relationship with you... as your lover," Brian continues his way into the bedroom, "as your partner," laying Justin on the bed, Brian crawls over him, "as your everything."

Justin smiles, feeling faint over Brian's words. And me?"

Still smiling, Brian nuzzles against Justin's ear, murmuring, "You're my everything."

Eyes watering, Justin lets the tears spill. I love this man. I love him. I love him and he loves me.

Noticing Justin's tears, Brian asks with concern, "Why are you crying?"

Laughing, Justin shakes his head, "I'm just happy...you know when someone says that they feel like their heart is going to overflow?...I finally know what that feels like."

Brian smiles, feeling the same. Bringing his mouth over Justin's he softly kisses his lover's lips, wanting to savor every moment and every taste.

Melting under Brian's kiss, Justin sighs heavily, his eyes closing. This...is...heaven.

Pulling off Justin's shirt, Brian continues his oral journey over his lover's skin. God, Justin, if only you knew what you fuckin' do to me... Smiling softly, Brian realizes that Justin more than likely does know.

His entire body tingling from Brian's kisses, Justin struggles to sit up, unbuttoning Brian's shirt in the process.

Taking Justin's hands, Brian helps him undo his own shirt, and then tosses the shirt to the floor by the bed before bringing his mouth onto Justin's throat. He needed to feel him. He needed to feel every part of Justin's body... running his hands down Justin's sides, Brian reaches his jeans and quickly unbuttons and unzips them, before doing the same to his own. I want him. I want just him. Only him. Fuck, how could I have let him go so easily without a fight? Images of what happened after the Rage party flash into his mind. Brian immediately pushes those thoughts away when he feels Justin's fingers gliding down his back. ... No one can compare...to my Justin

Kicking off his jeans, he watches Justin pull off his own pants as well. God, he's fuckin' beautiful. Justin smiles softly at him, sitting up on his knees. Brian stares at him for a few moments, reaching to touch Justin's cheek. I'm so fuckin' lucky. Leaning in closer, Brian lightly grazes his lips against Justin's, feeling the electricity between them. But if he's mine... then I'm his?... wait, what the fuck does that mean? "Justin..."

Justin continues to smile, wrapping his arms around Brian and gently pulling him onto the bed on top of him, "Hmm?"

Kissing Justin's shoulder, Brian murmurs, "If we're...this," Fuck, how do I ask this? "what does it mean?"

Justin chuckles softly, "What does what mean?" He kisses him once more before giving him a chance to speak.

Taking a breath, Brian reaches out to the night table, opening it and begins to search for a condom. "The whole you are mine and I am yours thing...what the fuck does that mean?" Finding a condom, Brian sits up and bites the wrapper open.

Leaning up on his elbow, Justin answers, "Monogamy."

"Is that it?" Brian didn't mean to say it like that.

Justin laughs. 'Is that it?' Is this Brian Kinney? "Yes, Brian. What did you think it meant?"

Brian shrugs, "I dunno. I guess losing your fuckin' identity or something..." Rolling the condom on his dick, Brian leans back down and kisses Justin's lips.

Smiling, Justin replies, "You're still you, Brian."

Brian smiles back, taking the lube from the opened drawer by the bed. "Yeah? And who am I?"

Justin grins, teasing, "I thought you wanted me to answer that in a drawing?"

Brian leans over, licking Justin's lips with his tongue. "Yeah, I did. Did you draw it?"

Closing his eyes, Justin feels Brian's slender fingers slide the cold lube against his hot hole. "I drew tons..." Biting his lower lip, his tries to keep his focus on the conversation and not on Brian's fingers.

"Like what?" Brian asks.

Opening his eyes, Justin sits up, knowing that it would mean that Brian would have to stop touching him, but forcing himself to sit up anyways. If Brian wanted to have a conversation, Justin wasn't planning to cut it short no matter how badly he wanted to feel Brian inside of him. "Lots of things."

Cocking his head to one side, Brian studies the young man in front of him, curious. "Such as?"

Sitting up on his knees, Justin wraps his arms over Brian's shoulders. Smiling, he replies, "All your many different sides... but mostly..."

"Mostly what?" Brian asks, unable to stop himself from kissing Justin's mouth.

Sighing, Justin falls forward slightly from the kiss, smiling drunkenly, "Mostly your eyes."

"My eyes?"

He nods, running his fingers through Brian's hair, "Windows of the soul, you know."

Brian nods, taking more lube and lifting Justin onto his lap.

Justin smiles, wrapping his legs around Brian's waist. "I've been working on a few different pieces though."

Brian smiles, sliding his lubed fingers against Justin's hole and watching Justin's face as he reacts to the touch.

Justin shudders, his body aching to be fucked. Focus, Justin. "Yeah... I'll show them to you..."

"Now?"

"You want to see them now?" Justin asks breathlessly.

Brian doesn't answer and instead pulls Justin in for a long, deep kiss. Releasing him finally, he answers in one breath, "Later."

Justin nods, unable to continue speaking as Brian inserts a finger into his hole, and then a second. Oh God...

Sucking on his earlobe, Brian gently pushes Justin back down onto the bed, lifting Justin's legs up and allowing him to rest them over Brian's shoulders.

Unable to take his eyes off Brian, Justin smiles softly. "I love you."

Tasting Justin's lips once again, Brian slowly slides his cock into Justin. So fuckin' good... He moans in pleasure, riding the wave while continuing to suck on Justin's lower lip.

Justin sighs, closing his eyes. It is as if time stood still and was devoting itself entirely to this moment. Shaking slightly, Justin tightens his grasp around Brian's shoulders, wanting to take him even deeper inside.

Brian moans with delight as he thrusts further, "Oh, God...Justin...you feel... so fuckin'... good..."

Kissing him passionately, Justin stops for breath, "Brian..." No words...fuckin' speechless...oh God...Don't stop...

Brian continues his slow, rhythmic pace, wanting this moment to last as long as possible. Sliding his mouth past Justin's lips, he stops at Justin's throat, biting lightly against his skin before softly kissing the wet flesh. Justin sighs, his body relaxing as he murmurs words that Brian can't understand. Smiling, Brian pulls back before thrusting his cock quickly back in, loving the euphoria he feels as Justin moans and tilts his head back in pleasure. Running his hands over Justin's body, Brian doesn't want to miss an inch of his skin.

Clasping his fingers through Brian's hair, Justin pulls him closer, kissing him deeply, wanting to be swallowed. Oh God...Brian... Arching his back, Justin slides his fingers down to the nape of Brian's neck, holding on to him tightly as he moans. The deliberate slowness was overwhelms his senses as he feels his tears begin to escape his eyes. "Oh God...Brian..."

Kissing Justin's cheeks, Brian tastes the salty tears, "Ssh, baby...I want it to last..."

"Me too...I don't want this...feeling to end ...ever...Fuck...Brian...God...I..." Losing himself for a moment, Justin closes his eyes once again, drowning in the waves of delicious pleasure. "I love this... I...Brian..."

Pressing hard against Justin, Brian holds him close, barely pulling out as he thrusts deep inside of his fuckalicious lover. "So...fuckin...amazing..."

Justin sighs again, letting go of Brian's neck as his arms lightly wrap around Brian's shoulders. Feeling Brian’s mouth traveling over his throat, Justin sighs once again, feeling as if he is flying as Brian's tongue stops behind his ear. "Brian...I love you..."

Licking his earlobe, Brian whispers, "Ditto..." and hungrily attacks Justin's mouth with his before any comment can be made.

His mind reeling, Justin shudders, trying not to laugh as he melts into Brian's hard kiss. He loves me...he said DITTO... he loves me... he said it... he loves me... Feeling Brian grab his cock was all he needed as Justin cums immediately, his mind still hearing Brian's soft word: ditto.

Releasing Justin's mouth, Brian brings his fingers, now covered in Justin's cum, to his own mouth, licking each finger as he stares deep into Justin's eyes while plunging his cock farther and harder into his lover's hot hole. God...Justin... He tasted delicious: both to his mouth and to his cock. Yes...yes...oh fuck...yes...

Lost in Brian's eyes, Justin feels dazed, his lips aching but wanting more of Brian's mouth. Bringing his fingers back to Brian's soft locks of hair, Justin pulls him down, kissing him feverently until Brian cums with a satiated moan.

They both lay there for several moments. Justin smiles, "I love you."

Lifting his head up, Brian smiles back, spent. Lightly kissing Justin's lips before pulling out.

Justin groans. He hated the feeling of Brian pulling out.

Chuckling softly, Brian rolls to his side, tossing the condom in the trash before returning to Justin. "Hey," he whispers, lightly kissing Justin's forehead.

Snuggling up against him, Justin smiles sleepily, "I missed this."

Brian nods, kissing the top of Justin's head. Everything was beginning to feel right in the world.

Justin absently begins to run his fingertips down Brian's arm when he notices that the bracelet is gone. Surprised, Justin asks, "Where's your bracelet?"

Brian shrugs, "Lake Berlin."

"What?" Justin begins to sit up, but Brian gently keeps him against his chest.

"I tossed it."

"A little dramatic though, don't you think?" Justin asks with a chuckle.

Brian shrugs again, "Well I think it was time."

"Time for what?"

"To stop holding on to it."

Justin smiles knowingly, "Ah."

Brian nods, smiling, "Yeah, someone told me that I didn't need a bracelet to remind me of who I was."

Grinning, Justin comments, "Sounds like a very smart person."

Brian laughs, "More like smartass."

Justin chuckles softly, playfully nibbling on Brian's chest. "Yeah? So what else did this intelligent, smartass say?"

Sighing, Brian takes a breath, "He said that loving someone means letting them in and knowing that they can hurt you... but trusting them enough to know that they won't."

Justin frowns, "I said that?"

"You didn't?"

He shrugs, "Well it's nice, and I agree with it... but I don't ever remember saying that."

Brian frowns, "Hmph. I wonder where it came from then."

Justin laughs, "What do you mean?"

He shrugs, "Well someone must've said it."

"Probably you."

Brian laughs, shaking his head, "I don't fuckin' think so, Sunshine."

Justin grins, "I do."

"Yeah? Why?"

Still smiling, Justin sits up to face Brian. "Because the truth is inside of everyone. And those words spoke the truth." He stops to kiss Brian a light kiss on lips before continuing. "Everyone has the truth inside of them, but a lot of people just stop listening to it after awhile... or they just refused to ever listen to it for some reason or another... and THAT, is when people find themselves lost."

Brian arches his eyebrow, "Lost?"

Justin nods, giving an impish grin, "Lost."

"You think I was lost?"

Leaning in close, Justin whispers, "Oh yes, very. Lucky for you that you finally listened to yourself for once."

Smirking, Brian retorts, "You really are a brat, you know that?"

Justin laughs, "It's a talent I mustn't waste."

Smiling, Brian shakes his head.

Snuggling back against Brian's chest, Justin closes his eyes, "Love you."

Brian kisses the top of Justin's head, "Right back."

Smiling, Justin lets himself fall asleep.

Listening to his lover's breathing for a few minutes, Brian closes his eyes. I feel... It was hard putting it into words, but he knew he liked it. Safe