Brian watched as Ethan stormed towards the exit. What had just happened? He had heard raised voices and upon turning around had seen that they were emanating from his ex and the fiddler. He hadn’t quite been able to hear what they were arguing about - though not through lack of trying - but he was pretty sure he had heard his name mentioned more then once. He didn’t know what to think. He felt numb from everything that had already taken place that day and now here was something else for him to try and process. When did his life become so fucking complicated? 

As his eyes followed a dejected looking blond towards the restrooms, his heart sank. He’d seen that look on Justin‘s face too many times and it always seemed to be him, whether it be indirectly or not, that put it there. When he’d forced Justin to leave he thought that he was doing the right thing, what was best for his lover. He thought he’d never have to see that look again. Yet just a few short months later and there it was. Brian shouldn’t care. It wasn’t his problem anymore. Justin had left, that meant that Brian didn’t have to do that emotional domestic bullshit anymore. Not that he ever really had, well not openly at least. That thought didn’t help him though. He wanted to go after the kid so badly that he actually gripped the underside of the bar to keep himself in place.

Brian felt like he was going backwards. Back to the last time he’d stood and watched Justin walk away. Brian felt a tightening in his chest from the memory. He’d let Justin leave that night, even though every nerve-ending in his body was screaming at him to make the blond stay, because he wanted better for him. He wanted him to have all the things he’d dreamed about. All the things that Brian couldn’t give him, and it was couldn’t. Despite what he’d told Justin, the way he’d made it sound like he had a choice. 

He knew that he wasn’t capable of loving anyone else. Not after the pain he’d felt after losing Nathan. He had given his heart and soul to the man. Loved him, believed in him, unconditionally. Kind of like the way Justin felt about Brian. Had felt about Brian. That’s what had scared him the most. That’s what had made him push Justin that extra step towards Ethan. He remembered the pain, the hurt and the feeling of worthlessness and he didn’t want to ever make Justin feel even a tenth of that. 

He thought he could save him from it altogether at first. He tried to tell him, tried to make him see that true love and happily ever afters were just a myth. That the only thing you can rely on to give you the maximum amount of pleasure with the minimum amount of bullshit is sex. For awhile he thought that he might actually be getting through. 

Then that night happened. The one time Brian decided to try. To maybe give Justin a little something that he so desperately wanted. And what happened? Justin ended up in a fucking coma. That had sealed it in Brian’s mind. There was definitely no such thing as happily ever after. Despite that he’d still taken the kid in. Most people, including Justin, had thought it was through guilt. Maybe part of it was. But the over-riding reason he’d let the blond into his loft was this overpowering need he had to protect him. It was the same feeling he had now, wanting so badly to go after him, to try and fix everything for him.     

When he’d realized however, that the notions of love and romance that danced around in his pretty blond head, weren’t going to leave anytime soon, he’d decided to let Justin find out the harsh reality for himself. He’d figured that just because he didn’t want to be the one to break Justin’s heart, it didn’t mean that someone else couldn’t do it. Maybe once that had happened Justin might even come back.

In theory this idea was a good one. Because in theory, Brian didn’t give a damn. In theory Brian never had to see that face again. It was no longer just theory though. Now that it was happening right in front of him everything else went out the window. His feet were moving towards the men’s room before his brain had registered his decision. 

“Hey, where are going? The drinks are here.” Brian had been so preoccupied with thoughts of his former lover that he had forgotten that Nathan was even there.

“Um, just going to take a piss,” Brian mumbled as he walked off. Before he turned, he caught the look on Nathan’s face.  He wasn’t buying it. Brian didn’t care. He could only concentrate on one disappointed ex at a time.