~*~

Justin couldn’t help but notice when Brian came stumbling out of the backroom looking disheveled and well fucked.  He refused to let it bother him.  Why should it?  Brian was just being Brian and besides that, he was with Brandon.  That meant he was definitely over anything he might have felt before.  

Except that he wasn’t.  He’d known it the moment he saw him walk into the club.  That unmistakable pull in his stomach, the irresistible need to be near him.  He hated himself for being so gullible.  For giving up the anger as soon as they were in the same room together.  But it was also then that he realized he hadn’t been angry in a long time.  Not really.  

The truth was, he was embarrassed.  He had wanted so much to believe that Brian felt the same way about their relationship, so he had openly admitted how he felt about him.  When he found out Brian didn’t feel the same, he’d hidden behind the pretense of anger.  It was easier than facing the humiliation of knowing his naivety ruined everything in a single night.  Justin had offered himself… no, had thrown himself at Brian and then blamed him the next day for not wanting more than just a fuck.  Somehow, in the mess of all his crazy, mixed up emotions, he had forgotten who Brian Kinney was.  

And now, here he was, back to the old routine… and along with it, all of his old feelings.  Brian was high, or drunk, leaning on he and Ted for support like the last four months had never happened.  Maybe it was the three drinks Justin had consumed, because he knew he should have minded more than he did.  It was familiar.  Except, there was Brandon, so things weren’t the same.  Justin pulled Brian’s arm off of his shoulder and turned to his boyfriend with an apologetic smile, pulling him away from everyone else.  “Sorry.  He’s just… old habits I guess.”

“How many times did he hit the backroom?”

Justin frowned and shrugged.  “I wasn’t counting.”

“I wasn’t either, but I know it was a few.  It’s like he’s fucking royalty or something.”

“Around here, he is.  Uhm, did I not warn you about the infamous Brian Kinney appeal?”

“I thought you were exaggerating!”  Brandon shook his head and Justin could almost see something, maybe envy?  “He can really have anyone?”

“He can really have anyone.”  Even me.  Although, Justin had yet to let Brandon in on the secret of he and Brian’s one time fuck, choosing only to say they’d had a falling out as friends sometimes do.  

He felt the hands on his shoulders and then heard Brian’s voice against his cheek.  “What are you two boys being so secretive about?”  

Justin turned his head over his shoulder to Brian’s sarcastic smirk and drug induced half- cast lids.   “Jesus, Brian.  What’d you take?”

Brian shrugged and grinned, turning to Brandon.  “You don’t mind if I steal your boyfriend for a while, do you?”

Fuck.  Justin glanced to Brandon, then Brian and back to Brandon again, who finally answered,  “Go.  I need to take a leak anyway so I’ll just meet you out there when I’m done.”  He leaned in, placed a small peck on Justin’s lips and moved past them, heading around the bar.  

Before he knew it, Brian was grabbing his hand and dragging him through the crowd, clearing a spot in the middle of the floor.  Pulling out a vial, he took a bump and smiled when Justin only hesitated a moment and then did the same.

The music was pounding, the room was spinning and Brian’s hands were wrapped around his shoulders, their foreheads leaning against each other.  Justin felt giddy from the small hit he’d taken, or maybe it was just being with Brian after so long.  His lips were settled into a large smile and Brian was laughing at his inability to make it stop.  When he realized Brian was staring at him, he tried to compose himself. 

“What?”

Brian was smiling back.  “You’re tweaked.”

Justin’s lip curled and he began laughing again.  “This feels good.”

Another slow smile from Brian.  “It always did.”

Brian’s hand dug into his pocket until he pulled out a tab of E.  He slid it between his lips and moved in close, waiting.  Justin’s eyes flickered toward the tab resting on his tongue and then back up, debating… before leaning in, lingering just a bit and then letting his own tongue scoop it into his mouth.  He closed his eyes while letting it dissolve and then grinned as he slid his arms tighter around Brian’s waist.  They moved closer as they swayed and Justin forgot everything else but the feel of Brian’s steady breathing against his ear.  They were silent for a few minutes, letting the music wash over them, the beat carrying their rhythm.  Justin grinned.  Everything was vibrant.  The roughness of Brian’s shirt as he gripped the material between his fingers, the smell of his skin as he nuzzled into his neck.  Each time he moved, his cock pressed against a hard thigh and his entire body was tingling with the energy of tension between them.  His mind was cloudy, but somewhere on the edge of conscious thought, he knew he wasn’t supposed to be doing this.  The only trouble was, it felt too amazingly good to stop.  

“You didn’t have to disappear.”

He was startled, just a bit and blinked, looking up at Brian.  He glanced left and then right and tried to figure out what they were talking about.

“Moving out was enough.  You didn’t have to avoid me.”

<I>That’s</I> what they were talking about.  “I’m feeling too good and we’re good.  Don’t ruin it.”

He really didn’t want to talk about it.  He was pretty sure the subject would take away his buzz and it’d been so long since he’d allowed himself the pleasure of chemically induced euphoria.  He giggled at that. And then said it out loud. 

“Euphoria.”  He laughed again.

Brian tried not to, but smiled slightly.  “What the fuck are you talking about?”

Justin laughed harder and said it again, letting it drag off his tongue, exaggerating every syllable. “Eu-phoor-i-aaa.”

Brian’s hand lifted his chin and Justin’s smile grew even wider.  “Your smile's just like Sunshine.”

Justin giggled again.  “You’re so fucking stoned.”

Brian leaned down, pulling Justin’s head against his chest, running his fingers lightly through the strands of blond hair.  “Yeah, and so are you.  C’mon, let’s get you some water.”

Justin’s head lulled a little and then his lips rubbed against Brian’s chest.  “I don’t want water, I wanna dance.”  He pulled back and spun around twice, spreading his arms out beside him, barely staying upright.

Brian grabbed him and pulled him close.  “You need to stay hydrated.  Did I not teach you anything?”

Justin smirked.  “Is that rhetorical? Cause I can think of a couple things…” His fingers trailed Brian’s chest, stopping just short of the waistband at the top of his jeans.  “But I bet you never think about fucking me, do you?”

Brian removed Justin’s hand, keeping a tight grip on it.  “Your boyfriend is probably looking for you.”

Justin glanced backward toward the bar and then turned back at Brian, moving in close, whispering into his ear,  “He wants you.”

Brian shook his head.  Everyone wanted him.  Why would he be surprised?

Justin licked his lips and reached up to Brian’s ear again.  “He wants the Brian Kinney experience.  Or, he just wants to be you.”  He tilted his head, pondering.  “I can’t tell which.”

Brian smirked.  “Good thing you’re around to keep him honest.”

“Don’t fuck with him, Brian."  For someone high on Brian's trail mix with an E chaser, Justin knew when to mean business.  "I'm serious.  He’s the first good thing that’s happened to me in a really long time.”

Brian’s expression became neutral, his lips rolling together, and Justin almost suspected he might have been considering some of their history.  Unless he was reading more into it, he’d swear he could see a hint of regret.  Maybe Brian Kinney <I>did</I> have a heart.  

Or maybe it was just the drugs.  

When he pulled him off the dance floor and ordered two bottles of water from the bar, Justin failed to notice the frown as Brian watched Brandon slink toward them from the direction of the backroom.